Plot: When he's alone at home, or when he can't sleep while his little lover is snoring noisily, Yuki Eiri is bored. So he talks to Shuichi... in his own way...! Eiri x shu

Note: Hey, I'm on holidays for two weeks! :p That's why it's taken me less time to update this time! :)

Please bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes! ;-)

January 7th

I should have known better that you had something crazy – almost Machiavellian – going on in your head when I came back home tonight and found you cooking dinner. Well, in my defence, I was too busy making my way through the thick cloud of smoke in the kitchen. In. My. Lovely. Ikea. Kitchen.

When I finally managed to reach the window and open it, I stuck my head out and caught a deep breath of fresh air.

"Hey, honey!" You called out, waving your hand wildly to disperse the smoke between us, a huge smile plastered on your face. "How you're doing?"

Still coughing and struggling to breathe, I glared at you.

"I'm dying!" I snorted.

"You're such a sissy, Eiri!" You said in a detached tone, shrugging and getting back to stirring whatever nauseating mixture was burning in the pan.

Sissy? I was speechless! Where are we going if you start stealing my lines, you damn brat?

"Shuichi!" I yelled in a cracked but yet menacing voice.

"If I were you," you stated, not impressed at all, "I wouldn't die right now... Not before you taste my wonderful chervil soup!"

I glanced at the pan and wrinkled my nose in disgust. Chervil soup? Evil soup more like!

"Come to think of it, I'd rather die from asphyxiation..."

You ignored my comment.

"Shuichi," I said, trying to stay calm, "I thought I had strictly forbidden you to use any household appliance, including the electric toothbrush?"

"Which makes a wonderful vibrator..."

"Whaaaaa?"

"Hey, relax! Have you lost your sense of humour tonight?"

No, I was just afraid of whatever was coming, and I had every fucking right to be. I grimaced and took a seat, waiting for you to serve your revolting concoction.

It was dark green, with bits of I-don't-want-to-know-what in it and it smelled of something between... my dirty socks and a dead fish. I stared at my bowl in a deadly silence.

"Go on!" You encouraged me.

I reluctantly dipped my spoon into the bowl and put it in my mouth. I thought I was going to die! It felt like I'd just swallowed a whole tube of wasabi.

"Shuichi!" I yelled. "Are you trying to poison me?"

"Come on! It's just a little spicy, Eiri! Anyway, there's something I wanted to tell you..."

I knew it!

"I've booked holidays."

Something tightened in my throat, and it wasn't the burning feeling caused by your "soup". I gave you a strange look.

"Fine," I lied. "Where?"

"Bora Bora, French Polynesia."

"How long?"

"One week."

"When?"

"Day after tomorrow."

The straw that broke the camel's back.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Shuichi? You're telling me you're taking a whole week off, and you only inform me about that little detail two days before you leave?" I shouted.

"I think you're missing something there, babe. I've booked holidays for us," you explained. "But I'm glad to see you'd miss me to bits if I'd go without you!" You added, a triumphant grin on your face.

My mouth dropped open. I didn't even have it in me to try and deny that I would miss you to bits.

"Wait, wait, wait! Us, as in you, and me. Together?"

"No, as in me and Johnny Depp!" You rolled your eyes. "Of course, us as in you and me, you dummy!"

I took a deep breath and drank my bowl dry to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. When my throat literally burnt and that I breathed fire, I bitterly –and painfully!- had to face the truth: it was all real.

"I'm not going!" I declared once I could speak again.

You crossed your arms and frowned.

"Oh yes you are, Uesugi!"

It's a lost cause to try to contradict you when you call me "Uesugi", but I haven't said my last word because I fucking hate beach holidays!

I hate the beach. I can't plug my laptop there.

I hate sun. I don't get tanned like a surfer, I only burn and get red like a lobster.

I hate speedo swimming trunks, aka "nut huggers". I mean, come on! People around don't need to know I get a boner when I look at you building sandcastles.

I hate exotic food. Don't know what it is, don't eat. That is simple as that.

I hate fish. They've got vicious protruding eyes.

I hate the sea. Said fish pee and poop in there.

AND. I. CAN'T. SWIM, for fuck's sake!

And now I have 48 hours to find a good excuse for not going...

Thanks for reading and virtual cookies for your kind reviews, they really mean a lot! ;)

Published on August.12 2011