UPDATE: I've reposted this to reply to some of the criticisms on this chapter. Apparently people now really hate Christian (as opposed to Ana). Guess you can never win lol. I will only say this: Have you read the actual books? Whenever he's pissed, he curses at her and is pretty mean. When Ana does her own thing, he even has to restrain himself from physically punishing her, even after they're married (remember how he wigged out cause she dared to go for a drink with Kate?). For that matter, have you read the other fanfics that get rave reviews even though they have Christian physically abusing Ana, their kids, cheating left and right and being a total unfeeling Dom. Come on folks, this is Fifty Shades. Sorry these characters have people so riled up but I won't apologize for my Christian or my Ana. This is who they are in my story and that won't change.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow – thank you everyone for the amazing reviews. They really lifted my spirits! I know criticism comes with the territory, but sometimes when you get a lot of it, you wonder who's really enjoying your story and what's the point of writing it. But it's been such a huge motivation and inspiration to hear from people who support me. I'm really touched.
And I suppose I do take it personally because some of this is personal. I met my future husband when I was 20 (he was 21). Although our previous dating lives were pretty brief, I'm always grateful for the experiences we each had because I think it helps down the line when you're committing your life to someone. I don't claim to know everything about relationships because no one does, but we have been together for 18 years, so I think that counts for something, and I like to put some of that experience into my stories. Originally, I had actually planned on Ana really dating other people, but I know that would've gotten a lot of backlash on here, so I kept it to a minimum.
But I do want Ana to have more of a backbone and I've tried to express her discovering that in this chapter. Let's face it, we all love Christian's domineering ways. That's why we're Fifty fans. But he's still a fictional character, and a lot of his shit wouldn't fly in real life, so I've tried to capture a little of that in Ana's reactions. Not sure if it comes through, but that was always my goal.
Don't worry though, this is pretty much it for the angst. Things improve after this. Don't hate on Christian for his weird reaction at the end. He still seesaws between shouting and shutting down, but he's getting there. Next up, we nip Elena in the bud (didn't think I forgot about her!) and Ana makes a crucial decision. Only four chapters left! Countdown is on. Please enjoy and review :)
Ana felt numb, dread washing over her like a bucket of ice-cold water.
Ethan's eyes darted between Ana and Christian as if he were watching a tennis match. He ignored the murderous daggers Christian threw his way and turned to his panic-stricken friend. "Ana, are you ok?" Ethan asked when he realized that she hadn't blinked in a solid minute. Ana swallowed hard but her mouth was too parched to reply.
Christian, meanwhile, was busy counting to 50 to rein in his temper. He was also picturing 50 different ways of beating the crap out of Ethan, though neither technique was doing much to stem his fury. His anger finally ebbed when he saw his visibly distraught girlfriend struggling to stay upright.
"What's wrong? What's going on here?" he demanded to know, rushing to her side to prop her up, practically shoving Ethan out of the way. Christian's eyes narrowed in a mix of concern and contempt as he towered over both of them. An involuntary shiver ran up Ana's spine, but she gulped down her fear and finally spoke.
"I'm fine," she said apprehensively. "I'm just surprised to see you that's all. I wasn't expecting you."
"I can see you weren't exactly expecting company." He arched a sardonic brow at Ana before turning to Ethan. "Kavanaugh. I certainly didn't expect to see you either. What brings you here to Ana's place, on a Friday night no less?" he asked, dripping scorn.
The power of speech now eluded Ethan. "What's wrong Kavanaugh? Cat got your tongue? Need some help speaking?" Christian sneered, sizing up his opponent with open hostility. It was enough to break Ana out of her stupor.
"You don't need to answer that," she interjected, appalled by Christian's thinly veiled threats. "Christian, can I speak to you inside if you don't mind?" She turned to Ethan. "Thanks for helping me home tonight. I'll see you some other time." Ana tried to sound casual but the slight tremor in her voice betrayed her nerves.
"Ahh sure, ok," Ethan stuttered, still dumbfounded by the entire exchange. "Will you be alright?"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Kavanaugh?" Christian thundered, livid at the insinuation that Ana was unsafe with him. Ethan staggered backward as Ana took the initiative to step forward and put her hand on Christian's chest, her touch a soothing balm.
"That's quite enough," she whispered. She felt his muscles bunch beneath her fingers as he glared at Ethan with barely concealed disdain. "Christian, I said that's enough," she said, the warning in her voice unmistakable.
He tore his gaze away long enough to find two fierce, fed-up baby blues boring holes into his head. Christian opened his mouth to speak but promptly shut it, Flynn and Kate's advice seared into his memory. His body remained tense, ready to pounce, but Ana saw his shoulders relax.
Satisfied, she turned her head back to Ethan but kept her hand rooted on Christian's chest. "I'll be perfectly fine. Thanks again," she said, effectively dismissing him.
"Ok. Take care," Ethan said. "Text me later to let me know you're alright," he added hesitantly.
Ana felt Christian stiffen again but she fisted his shirt to keep him in check. He huffed like an angry bull but otherwise stayed quiet. "I will," Ana smiled as Ethan slowly walked away.
Christian wore an implacable scowl as he watched his competition round the corner. Once Ethan was out of sight, he turned his attention back to Ana, savoring the heat of her body after weeks of loneliness. He couldn't resist taking advantage of her proximity.
When his hands lightly clasped her upper arms, though, she flinched. His eyes widened in surprise. Does she think I'd hurt her?
He eased his grip but didn't let go, his thumbs gently caressing the goose-bumps on her arms. Ana peered up at him with such sadness that it left him gutted — and speechless, much like Ana and Ethan had been moments earlier.
Ethan. Did Ethan touch her like this? Did she enjoy it? The visual reignited his rage. He needed answers — now.
"Ana, what the hell is going on?" he asked, venom seeping back into his voice.
"Please," she begged him, dropping her hand and leaving him bereft of her touch. "Can we just go inside and talk — calmly, for once?"
Christian heaved a massive sigh and relented, moving aside to let her pass. He stood directly behind her as she fumbled with the keys, eventually jamming them into the lock. Her nervousness spoke volumes to him. She reeks of guilt. She fucked him. She must've fucked him!
As soon as the door opened, he barreled into her living room, roughly pulling at his hair.
"Ok, we're inside. Now for the love of God, will you tell me what the fuck is going on! Where you on a date with that son of a bitch?" he roared.
Ana kicked the door closed with her heel and perched her elbows on the kitchen counter, as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She scrubbed her face before looking back up at Christian. "First of all, don't speak to me that way. I won't tolerate you yelling, cursing or otherwise being disrespectful toward me," she snapped, throwing Christian off kilter.
Topping from the bottom. Even when she doesn't realize it, she always has me by the balls.
She detected the flicker of annoyance in his expression but otherwise he wore an impassive mask. "Sorry. I'm just trying to get some answers Anastasia."
"And I'll tell you everything but I'm too tired to fight with you. If you're going to blow up at me or belittle me, then you can just leave," she said firmly.
His fury receded, replaced by fear. "I won't yell at you. I promise." He shifted on his heels uncomfortably. "Don't make me leave."
Ana's chest constricted in anguish.
That's the last thing I want, but once he finds out what I have to say, he'll want to leave anyway. If I tell him, it will devastate him — and destroy us. If I don't, then what does that make me? A hypocrite and a liar. I broke up with him because he wasn't honest with me. I owe him the same courtesy that I've been demanding of him — the truth — even if it means losing him.
A small tear formed in the corner of her eye, cascading down her cheek, but now wasn't the time for waterworks. Ana shook her head and summoned her courage.
"Christian, can you please sit down? We need to talk," she said with grim determination.
The blood drained from Christian's face. This is it. She's dumping me for him. I'm about to get the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, which is code for 'it's all you and I want nothing to do with you.'
He blindly sat down, pressing his palms into his eye sockets as he waited for the final blow. Ana tepidly sat next to him, hands curled in her lap.
"Ethan came by earlier to fix our oven. Afterward, he asked if I wanted to grab some pizza. Since I didn't have any plans and wanted to get out of the house, I said yes. We wound up getting pizza and beer and went to see a movie," she rattled off the night's event dully.
"So you went on a date?" His tone was accusatory but otherwise flat.
"Yes I suppose, though my intention was just to hang out with a friend."
"Hmmmphh a friend," Christian snorted. "A friend who wants to fu …" He stopped himself, remembering his pledge not to use obscenities. He opted for a different tack. "How would you like it if I went out with a so-called 'friend' who happened to be a woman …" Like Elena. Christian caught himself again, Flynn's words about using Elena to taunt Ana echoing in his mind. Don't be a vindictive ass Grey. Just get your point across without hurting her.
"Put yourself in my shoes and imagine you found me walking home with another woman after we'd been apart for weeks," he muttered.
"I wouldn't be thrilled, but if she were genuinely a friend and nothing else, then I wouldn't forbid it or freak out either. I'd have to trust you. I may not love it, but you can have female friends Christian."
"And if she were someone who wanted to be more than friends with me?"
"Then I would hate it," Ana conceded, her shoulders slouched. "In my defense, I only saw Ethan as a friend, but you were right. He was hoping for more."
"What?" Christian bellowed, tearing himself off the couch. "Did he fucking touch you Anastasia?" he asked, the baritone of his voice laced with restrained menace. Christian leaned against the counter, his back to Ana as he tried to calm down, though she could see his muscles tighten and flex beneath his t-shirt.
"No, it wasn't like that," she sighed.
He whirled around. "Enlighten me then. What the fuck was it like? Quit beating around the bush."
She shrank under his withering stare but pressed on. "He kissed me," she murmured, head hung low.
Ana jumped when Christian slammed his fists against the kitchen counters, the sound of crashing utensils ricocheting throughout the apartment. "FUCK! I'm going to kill that motherfucker," he growled, banging his fists against the counter again and again, his handsome features twisted beyond recognition.
"That's enough damn it. You'll do no such thing," Ana barked, rising from her seat. "You're acting more like a bully than a boyfriend and I won't stand for it."
"And you think I'll stand for a cheating girlfriend? If I were really your boyfriend, then another man's mouth sure as hell wouldn't be on yours," he spit out, stalking toward her.
Ana instinctively stumbled back onto the couch, causing Christian to freeze in his tracks.
"Ana I," he stammered, aghast. "Please don't be afraid of me. I'd never, ever hurt you."
"No you won't — or anyone else for that matter," she said resolutely, regaining her composure. "Which is why you will stop acting like a jealous Neanderthal and sit your butt down so I can explain, or you can walk out that door without an explanation. Your choice."
The conviction in her voice tempered his rage and he sat beside her, maintaining a respectful distance though he was still simmering inside.
"Did you kiss him back?" he asked, the stench of bile clogging his throat.
Ana knitted her brows together. Did I? I didn't NOT kiss him.
"I didn't stop him at first."
Her confession felt like a serrated knife gutting his stomach. He dropped his head in his hands, groaning in defeat.
Ana felt her own insides ripped apart at the sight of him hunched over in agony.
"But then I did stop him," she added softly. "I pulled away and made it clear that I didn't have those feelings for him — that I only had them for one man. You. And nothing was going to change that."
She cautiously placed her hand on his thigh, trying to convey her sincerity.
He found temporary solace in the warmth of her hands, but the visual of his girl kissing another man made his blood boil.
After several deep breaths, he looked up at her, forlorn and shattered.
"Then why Ana?" he rasped. "Why did you do this to me, to us?"
"I don't know," she hiccupped, shooting up from the couch to pace the room. She needed to be honest but she also needed distance.
"I sure as hell wasn't planning on kissing anyone."
Christian's face contorted in pain. "The best laid plans huh?" he said mockingly.
"Don't be a smartass," she scolded him. He drew his lips into a tight line but otherwise remained silent and contrite. "I am so incredibly sorry for what happened Christian, for how much I've hurt you, but I won't apologize for wanting some semblance of a life. It was just pizza — just freaking pizza," she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
"Pizza with an extra side of betrayal," Christian scoffed. "How blind are you Ana? Ethan likes you. He also has a dick and he'd like to fuck you with it. For someone who was accepted into Harvard, you have a lot to learn."
Ana couldn't stand still, her pent-up energy fueled by a volatile mix of regret and resentment.
"Quit with the insults Christian. They're childish. Was I naïve? Yes, probably. But was it innocent? Yes, in my mind it was. And despite Ethan stepping over the line, he's still a decent guy. I don't need to justify hanging out with him, Jose or any other friend who happens to have a certain appendage, while you maintain contact with that cunt who beat and molested you!"
Ana's jaw went slack. She instantly regretted her outburst, but her brain-to-mouth filter seemed to be on the fritz lately. Her heart beat with trepidation as she waited for Christian's response.
He refused to look at Ana, his eyes as black as the blank screen of the television that he steadfastly stared at. "Stop dragging her into this and trying to turn the tables on me. I refrained from bringing her up and you should have enough restraint to do the same! This is about you and Ethan," he hissed. "Do you want him Ana? Just fucking tell me the truth!" Every muscle in his body seized at the prospect, but he had to know.
"No," she said, her voice reaching a fevered pitch as she began pacing again. "No I don't! But I also don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I won't lie to you — deep down, there was some part of me that was curious. Is the grass greener and all that bullshit! I've never really even kissed a guy before you. For a second, part of me was tempted. Yes, I wanted to see what it was like. But then the other part of me, the rational side, kicked in."
"So now you're going to sow your wild oats, is that it? Fuck a million men like Kate?" he sneered, lips curled in disgust.
"No and leave Kate out of this. You've never once disparaged Ethan for fucking anything with tits so quit being a hypocrite," she bit back. "She's given me good advice throughout this ordeal and even had your back occasionally, believe it or not."
"Fine. I apologize," he mumbled, reluctantly recalling Kate's assistance.
"Good. Christian, please try to understand. I know I'm not explaining myself very well here, but you've lived a little, been with other people. Those experiences have helped to convince you that you want something more with me. But I have nothing to compare anything to."
"So now you're going to punish me for my past?" he ground out through clenched teeth.
"No, I swear this isn't about exacting some type of vendetta on you. And no, I'm not about to date a million guys to figure out if you're 'the one.' I know you are. I made a mistake — one lousy mistake — and I'm truly sorry for it. But I won't stop trying to be more independent. You always talk about marriage and forever, but I'm 19 and not ready to be a wife yet. I'm not even a sophomore yet. I have to live a little before I can commit to something like that," she poured out, feeling raw and exposed.
She wants me but doesn't want to commit to me. What's the fucking point then? Christian finally turned to look at Ana. The sorrow in his grey orbs pierced her soul. She quietly sat down next to him again, lacing her fingers with his. He glanced down at their interlocked hands with a strange detachment.
"I've seen my mother cycle through four marriages," Ana began to explain. "I've seen the highs of new love and how it blinds you. New love can go on for years, but eventually the high fades. There's nothing wrong with that. It's how relationships work — they evolve with time. For my mom, she just went searching for a new high instead of trying to build a solid foundation on which to grow and expand on the love she already had, the one she had with Ray at least. I don't fault her for that. But I'm determined not to follow in her footsteps."
Christian eyed her skeptically, unconsciously toying with her ring finger. "You're not your mother Ana, and I'm not like any of the men she married. Her issues have nothing to do with us. You're just searching for excuses not to commit to me."
"That's not true," she countered vehemently. "In fact, that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do. You're constantly talking about forever Christian. That thrills me to no end. But at the same time, yes, it does scare me. I want us to last. I'm doing this precisely so we build a foundation that's strong enough to withstand time and all the other shit that's inevitably going to be thrown our way. I want marriage and forever too, but first we have to be ready for it, and I don't think we are at this age — at least I'm not."
Ana took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't want to keep dredging up your past Christian, but these last few weeks have chipped away at the foundation I thought we had built. You lied to me for an entire year. And your previous interactions with women rocked my perception of you. What if," she paused, gauging her next words carefully. "the part of you that dominated women comes back? What if you need it down the line and I can't deal with it? I thought you had exorcised those demons, but that was before I knew just how involved you were with the lifestyle. You hid such an important part of your life from me. Now, I can't help but wonder if there's a part of your personality that you're suppressing to hold onto me. But what about five years from now? Will it emerge later on? How do I know?"
Christian's face hardened and he snatched his hand away. "How do you know? You have the gall to ask me that?" He stood up, walking to the kitchen counter. "You know because we've spent practically every day of the last year together. You know because I've confided in you like I never have before. You know because you know me. You know the real ME," he said, desperately jabbing his finger into his chest.
"Christian, please sit back down so we can talk," she pleaded, fearing another meltdown.
"No," he said stubbornly. "Talk, talk, talk. That's ALL you want to do Ana. I'm sick of it!" He waved his arms in frustration.
Christian saw Ana wince and closed his eyes to get a grip on his rising temper. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. When he reopened them, he was visibly calmer, though the veins in his neck still pulsed wildly.
"Ana, I don't know what more you want me to say or do. I've apologized a million times. I'm seeing Flynn. I haven't had anything to do with the lifestyle since I met you. I'm at my wit's end here. At some point, you need to just get over it Anastasia." His voice was monotone but it carried a strangely malevolent undercurrent.
She furrowed her brows in disbelief. "That's so much easier said than done."
"Only for you," he retorted, his control unraveling. Ana shivered at the coldness of his glare. "Why are you so obsessed with my past? It has nothing to do with you. You want to know every detail — what good will that do? Did seeing those photos of naked submissives boost your confidence? No, I don't think so. Yes, I admit, they could double as supermodels. Who the fuck cares? I love you. I find you absolutely stunning. What good has any of this done but drive us further apart? Why do you want to pry all the gory details out of me and beat this thing to death?" he rambled, his heart racing. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything! Will it help knowing that I did things to other women that you can't even possibly imagine? Will it make you feel better knowing that I tormented them sexually, forcing them to kneel for hours while they waited for me? And that if they moved, I punished them by sticking a ginger root up their asses to watch them squirm in pain?"
Ana recoiled. Even Christian cringed at his own diatribe. Good job Grey — that's exactly the visual that will win her over. Jesus, next time I need to count to 100 instead of 10 before I speak.
"Ana I'm…"
"Save it. You even think about doing anything like that to me and I'll shove an entire produce aisle up your ass!"
Christian inwardly smirked. There's my feisty girl.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about baby! I would never do anything like that to you. I was a dumb, angry kid who experimented with dumb, angry shit. You know I wouldn't hurt or demean you — I treasure you. So why won't you have any faith in me? I know you're the poster child for freaking women's lib and all, but why can't you just get over this? Why? Why Ana, why?"
He raked his hands through his hair as he studied her reaction, but she avoided his gaze, staring mindlessly at the same TV monitor that had fascinated him earlier. Silence permeated the room. Christian grappled for ways to make Ana forget about his past, while Ana wrestled with revealing hers.
He's right. I do need to get over it. But he also needs to know why I've been so hung up on this. He needs to know what happened with husband number three and why I'm so hell-bent on men treating women as equals. But how do I bring this up without him thinking that I'm comparing him to Stephen? There's absolutely zero comparison — Stephen was violent and evil; Christian practiced safe, consensual sex — but Christian will somehow find a way to vilify himself. Logically, I can accept the fact that he inflicted pain on submissives who sought it out. Emotionally, it's hard to digest the knowledge that my boyfriend hit women and used them. He deserves to know everything so he can understand what shaped my views and why I was so disappointed that he kept this from me.
Christian anxiously watched as Ana waged an internal war, but he knew this was one battle she had to fight herself.
I have to do my part and tell him about Stephen so we can bury both our pasts once and for all. One step at a time though Ana. First, he needs to stop controlling every aspect of my life. If I don't assert myself now, I never will, and I can't be scared of my own boyfriend. Only then can we move forward and I can tell him about Stephen. Hopefully, once he's secure in the knowledge that I love and accept him, he won't cast himself as some kind of monster. Yes, that sounds like a plan — an imperfect one that could easily backfire on my ass, but a plan nonetheless.
With renewed confidence, Ana rose and strode over to Christian. She gently cupped cheeks, taking him by surprise. He let out a groan, relishing her feather-light touch.
"Christian, it was a huge sacrifice to leave Harvard behind and follow you here to Seattle." His stomach sank. "But I don't regret one second of it — and I never will," she vowed. "It gave me you and it was the best decision of my life."
A smiled tugged at the corners of his lips. "Wait," she pre-empted him. "I want us to work and I want to be with you, but I won't sacrifice my entire college experience for you. There has to be some middle ground."
Christian pinched the ridge of his nose, forcing Ana to drop her hands. She eyed him speculatively. Come on Christian, meet me halfway. Give me something to work with.
"What middle ground Ana? You think I can sit here and watch you go out with other guys, get drunk and put yourself in harm's way?" he sighed, increasingly agitated. "I can't — I just can't. I don't know how to manage this fear that you'll find something better out there."
"And you seriously think I'll find something better at a frat party?" she said incredulously.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Even if you're with me, by my side?"
He shrugged like a petulant schoolboy.
So much for middle ground. Try a different approach Ana.
"Tell me, how many social functions have I accompanied you to?"
"I don't know. It's not like I keep a running tab."
"Come on. Just a rough estimate."
"A lot." She ignored his vague answer.
"Exactly. And how many college parties have you taken me to?" she continued her interrogation, her arms crossed as she tapped her foot impatiently.
"Again, I haven't exactly kept track, but I let you go to parties Ana," he muttered unconvincingly.
"No you don't. Last week was the very first party I've gone to since coming to Seattle. Whenever I want to do anything on my own, I get the Spanish Inquisition. Hell, I have to justify going to a damn study group at the library."
"It was going to be late at night," he complained.
"With a bunch of girls who were dropping me off from point A to point B. This what I'm talking about. I'm so over this overbearing crap. I've supported you unconditionally, and I expect the same from you in return."
"That's not fair. I do support you."
"Then why are you're blowing everything out of proportion? I know it stems from your overprotectiveness and, yes, insecurity." She ignored his quirked eyebrow. "But your temper's been out of control lately. It's infuriating but more than that it's … it's frightening," she whispered. Although it pained her to hear the truth out loud, her confession was strangely liberating.
He gazed at her with such intensity it left her winded. "Ana, how can you say that? My bark is worse than my bite. You know that. I'd never hurt you. Hell, you put me in my place all the time. If anything, you scare the crap out of me woman!"
She let out a humorless laugh, but her smile quickly faded. "I know you'd never hurt me physically Christian, but your reactions are so unpredictable and explosive sometimes."
Ashen, his body began to tremble.
"Your moods. They… they scare me," she said meekly.
Christian let out a strangled sob as his hands flew to cover his face.
"I'm not scared of you," she quickly clarified, rubbing his arm to reassure him. "But you have to cool your jets. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes to avoid pissing you off and that's no way to live — or love."
His insides twisted in revulsion at the idea that the woman he'd lay down and die for feared him. "Give me a minute, please," he said gruffly, turning away from her to compose himself.
Ana stepped back to give him space.
What the fuck can I say to salvage this wreck of a reunion? She says she's the one who's walking on eggshells? I feel like freaking Humpty Dumpty here. She's right though. I bite her head off whenever I'm unhappy. And I do give her grief over every little thing. I'm so scared of losing her that I've been smothering her to death. But scaring her? I never thought it would come to that. That's the last thing I want. I have to fix this — fix myself. I will show Ana I can be a better man. But how? I fucking suck at this talking shit. If I'm not being a rude prick, I'm being an idiotic one — that ginger root reference being a prime example. We're hanging on by the barest of threads here and I don't know what to say to make it better. Maybe I just need to just shut up for once before she snaps. I can't afford to alienate her for good. Live to fight another day Grey instead of sticking the proverbial foot in your mouth. Remember she-devil Kate's advice: Show her with actions, not words.
His mind made up, he turned back to face Ana. "I'm leaving," he declared.
Ana blinked in shock. "What? What do you mean?"
"It's for the best. I have to go. I can't be here any more."
Her bottom lip began quivering. "Are you leaving … me?" she whimpered, hating how pathetic her voice sounded.
He did a double-take. "What?! Of course not," he exclaimed, rushing toward her. "I just … tonight … all this shit with Ethan … what you told me … being scared." Real eloquent Grey! You're a regular Shakespeare. Jesus, I really do suck at this communication shit. "It's too much Ana. I need some time to process everything. I can't talk any more." And risk saying something I'll regret. He gazed at her intently, willing her to give him a break.
"I understand," she sighed, trying to hide her disappointment. Just when I thought we were making headway, he's leaving, but I can't exactly blame him. Running is my MO after all. He learned from the best.
"I'll walk you out," she said, averting his gaze. While she was relieved he wasn't outright giving up, his rejection still stung.
"Hey," he clasped her chin, tilting her face toward him. "I almost forgot why I came here." End on a happy note Grey. He motioned to the neatly wrapped gift still sitting on the counter. "I wanted to drop off a present before you left to see Ray tomorrow since we won't be together for the holidays."
Ana's expression softened, even though the gift was a sad reminder that they would be apart for Christmas. "Thank you," she choked out.
He gazed longingly into the eyes that had transfixed him at first sight, torn over whether he should leave or not. But ultimately, his own fears stood in the way of staying.
"You're very welcome. Merry Christmas," he whispered, bending down to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. He lingered for a moment but then walked out the door before he could change his mind.
Ana collapsed to the floor, hugging herself. Outside, Christian braced himself against the wall, heaves wracking his body.
Merry fucking Christmas indeed, they both thought in unison.