A/N: 3/4s of the way there. I think...

Chapter 37

The Bonfire

Edward's POV

Taking two giant steps, I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders and drew her to me. She was trembling, as if it were uncontrollable, but at the same time she literally clung to me.

"You were awesome," I murmured into her ear.

Her eyes rose to meet mine, a faint smile appearing on her lips as she took a heavy breath. "I'm done, and I promised Kel I'd put her behind me." Her voice was soft, but resolute.

I squeezed her gently, and she allowed me to hold her against me for a few moments before she pulled from my arms. "I'm sorry you guys had to see ... that," she spoke mainly to Alice, as her brow puckered and her eyes dropped to the ground.

I grabbed her hand.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry about!" Alice replied seriously, slinging her arm over her shoulder affectionately.

With her eyes remaining fixed at her feet, a self-conscious smile lit up on Bella's face, before it faded as she bit down on her lip.

My eyes met Alice's; her entire expression was still of disbelief before her brow began to hedge in concern.

"And you handled yourself with dignity," Alice continued, in an obvious attempt to cheer her up. "I would have seriously..." she left it unspoken, her face suddenly clouding.

Bella's smile this time broadened, and she appeared as though she was about to laugh, but again it fell, while her expression was beginning to look overrun.

It was obvious she was slipping, and I was unsure how to react to her.

It was making me uneasy, and almost subconsciously I took a heavy breath, catching Bella's attention.

Looking up at me, she flashed me a warm, reassuring smile.

"I'm okay," she mouthed.

She was reassuring me?

Jesus…

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I pulled her against me again. She didn't resist; instead, she rested her head against my chest, and took one deep breath after another, almost seeming to relax.

Until Nummi and Rach caught up with us, Alice and I did our best to keep Bella as distracted as possible. I kept my hand clamped around hers, not wanting to smother her but still on edge over her evil fucking mother. Bella didn't seemed fazed by the possibility of her returning, but remained tense, quieter than usual and rarely looked up from the ground, and the longer she remained this way, the more on edge I could feel myself becoming.

Then she snapped. We could see it happening; her face slowly began to crumble, before she covered her face with her hands and burst into tears.

I only glanced at Alice helplessly for a moment, before I acted purely on instinct. Pulling her again into my arms, I cradled her entire body against me, holding her tightly.

She didn't fight me this time, but at the same time, she didn't loosen up, either.

"Bella, it's okay," was Alice's attempt to soothe her, as she ran her hand up and down Bella's arm, but Bella didn't appear to have heard her.

"Talk to me, Baby," I spoke softly to her, pressing my lips against the top of her head—unable to fucking stand this a moment longer.

"I-I-I'm mortified!" She burst, without moving her hands from her face, and I suddenly realized she wasn't drowning like last time—she was pissed. "I can't s-stand that you s-seen that!"

"Hey…" I said softly to her, attempting to pull her back to see her face, but she wouldn't allow me to. "Bella—listen to me. I don't give a fuck about her. In fact, she's lucky I didn't knock her ass to the ground. You're the only one I care about—nothing else matters to me."

I wasn't sure if it would matter to her—if what I'd said had made a difference at all—then slowly she began to relax against me, before she released her hands and buried her face against my chest.

"Okay…?" I pressed her only half teasingly, but keeping my tone gentle as I gripped her tighter to me.

She nodded hastily, shuddering for a moment before taking a calmer breath. "Okay," she echoed me softly.

By the time Rach and Nummi met up with us again to return to the house, Bella had pulled herself somewhat back together, but she remained too quiet. It didn't seem to worry Rach and Nummi too much, so I didn't bring it to Bella's attention, and I figured it was natural she'd be upset by what had happened.

Though, compared to what happened last time, she was holding strong.

Carol rushed outside to meet us when we pulled up in front of the house, embracing Bella the minute she stepped out of the car. "You okay, sweetheart?" she asked anxiously, bringing her hands to cup Bella's face.

Bella nodded, but she still appeared on the brink.

"She's okay, Edward," Rach suddenly assured me.

I looked over at her; she was smiling at me lightly. Nodding, I smiled back simultaneously, rubbing my chin to break eye contact, not altogether convinced. "Yeah…"

"Just give her some time. She's embarrassed more than anything, and believe me, if she was going to flip out it would have happened by now," she elaborated, before adding. "Actually I'm kind of surprised she's holding it together. You must have gotten through to the little snow queen."

She smirked then, in that shrewd way of hers; making me believe she was talking about something more than what had happened in town.

Inside, the girls disappeared down the hall to Nummi's room, while I went to the kid's room to gather my shit for the bonfire that night. I threw on a hoodie and after grabbing a sweater from my bag I turned to leave when Bella walked into the room. She only gazed at me for a moment, her expression serious, then without saying a word she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I wasn't sure whether I was relieved more than anything else, but in response I engulfed her impulsively in my arms, holding her tightly against me.

I didn't let her go.

"Um ... Edward? Are you okay?" she asked after a minute, pressing her lips to the side of my neck before squeezing me gently.

I think I scoffed to myself in awe and with way too much emotion.

She was fucking adorable.

"I'm okay." My voice was compromised by her—by the smell and feel of her hair against my face. I cleared it quickly.

She pulled back, her expression quirked in concern as she evaluated me. "You're … doing that face again."

How was it that she could read me so clearly?

"Am I? I'll try and stop."

She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping with it. "Edward, I'm okay. I know I ... hurt you last time." Her eyes flickered away from mine, filling with guilt.

Jesus…

"If you say sorry, Bella, I'm gonna go postal on you," I teased her, chuckling softly when her brow immediately creased in confusion.

"You're gonna go what on me?"

"You're adorable," I said gently, pulling her back to me.

Untangling herself from my arms, she rolled her eyes at me, before flashing me that freaking smile again. "Would you really have knocked Renee on her ass?" she asked, her smile suddenly inching with amusement.

"Without a doubt," I answered, my grin mirroring hers.

She started laughing half beneath her breath, before quickly planting her lips against mine. "I'm going to have a shower—go help Nummi pack the car?"

I glanced out the window to where Nummi stood beside her car, and when I turned back, Bella was gone.

. . .

Girls take a lot of shit for just one night. It was surprising what I helped Nummi stuff inside the small boot of her car.

"It's a girl thing. You wouldn't understand," she teased me.

"Obviously," I replied wryly, when suddenly Nummi sucked in her breath audibly, as if in sudden realization.

"Oh my God," she whispered, shaking her head to herself in wonder.

"What...?" I asked her, curious.

"Do you remember the picture of Bella and her teddy bear?"

Remember? There wasn't a chance I'd ever forget. The sweet little girl, whose face was lit up into a huge smile, with the most haunted fucking eyes imaginable.

"Yeah, I remember," I mumbled.

"His name was Edward. I can't believe I didn't remember that before now," she explained, her voice softening before she scoffed to herself.

My head snapped to meet her gaze in surprise, and I only stared at her for a moment, blankly before feeling an impulsive grin break across my face. "Is that what she named him?"

Nummi shook her head and glanced down, biting on her thumbnail, looking suddenly troubled. "No, it was his name. He was one of those each-one-is-an-original bears that came with a birth certificate. He was the only toy Bella owned. Shit, she loved him like nothing else. Her father bought him for her for Christmas one year."

This story obviously wasn't something that was going to end well, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to know, but taking a resigned breath, I turned to fully face her. "What happened to it?"

She raised her head and met my eyes; her expression was suddenly dark. "Renee threw him in the fireplace and made Bella watch him burn."

I just stared at her for a moment, fucking flabbergasted and in disbelief, before I began to tense with growing anger. "What kind of fucked up mother would do that to her kid?!" I suddenly demanded, reefing my hair back through my hair in a fit of pissed off frustration.

She shook her head in agreement before her eyes shot nervously to the front door. "Edward, don't tell Bella I told you about this—you know what she's like..." she suddenly pleaded with me.

"I won't mention it. I promise," I reassured her, but my mind was still focused on the image of five year old Bella and her bear.

It fucking crippled me.

Huffing my breath, I turned to lean against her car, folding my arms across my chest. "You know I'm going to have to kill her mother, don't you? Did you see the way she slapped Bella the other day?"

"No, but I've seen it enough that I can pretty much imagine," she answered quietly.

"Did her father send her another bear?" I asked, when I really wanted to get off this fucking subject before I snapped.

She shook her head. "No, she never told him—she never mentioned him again. That's the way Bella deals with things; she pretends it never happened," Nummi murmured.

When I glanced over and met her eyes, she was gazing at me intently; scrutinizing me almost. Maybe she could see that I was becoming way too pissed off—and fucking exhausted at the same time.

"So, her father only bought her one fucking present her whole life?" I asked with too much hostility in my tone, that Nummi only gauged me for a moment.

"Her mother used to intercept them," she mumbled looking suddenly distracted, before sighing shortly, and whether it was at me or to herself I wasn't sure. "Edward," her voice was stern this time, reminding me of Alice suddenly, "she's gonna know something's up the minute she sees your expression."

I spent the next half hour avoiding Bella, so she wouldn't figure out what Nummi had just disclosed to me. I wasn't sure I could even see her without completely cracking at the moment, anyway. It only threw me into Alice's trajectory.

I was in the kid's room under the pretense of tidying it up, when the little rat jerked her head around the door.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" she asked before walking in without waiting for an answer; in typical Alice fashion.

"About...?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She shook her head and kind of shrugged to herself. "Look there's no easy way of doing this. So just—here." And with that she shoved a box of ... condoms in my hands.

"Alice—what the fuck?!" I exclaimed, shoving them back at her.

"Just in case, Edward. Okay?" She went to hand them back to me, but instead of taking them, I folded my arms across my chest.

"You don't think I've got this, Alice—Jesus!" I could feel the heat rapidly building beneath my skin, and it was about to flash in my face and give the little rat an edge over me. Only, I couldn't decide if I was more pissed off that my sister felt she needed to have a fucking sex talk with me, or because she knew way more than she should have about Bella and me.

"I know Bella doesn't have any, so—" she began, but I cut her off, snatching the condoms from her hand.

"I don't really want to know that my sister carries around condoms for"—I paused to glance down at them—"extended pleasure and climax control," I read the label out loud, my voice sarcastic and thick with irritation.

"It doesn't hurt to be cautious." She smirked at me deviously.

"Planning on screwing around on Jazzy, were you?" I asked flashing her a humorless grin.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be an asshole, Edward. I bought them for you."

"Jesus Christ, Alice. Do you think you could mind your own fucking business for once in your life?" I demanded, raking my fingers through my hair, suddenly feeling my skin crawl.

My sister was thinking about my climax control?

"Are you going to take them or not?" she challenged, but otherwise ignored me.

"Keep them for extended pleasure with Jazzy," I replied mockingly, before I closed my eyes, not believing I'd just blurted that out.

She huffed. "Fine, Edward. I'll just give them to Bella." She turned to leave, glancing over her shoulder and winking slyly.

"Alice!" I warned her, but she had already left the room.

Fucking evil rat!

I waited in the bedroom for at least five minutes to make absolutely sure that my ears had returned to their normal fucking skin tone. When I walked into the living room, everyone was waiting for me. My eyes deliberately sought out Bella's, while I kept my gaze safely averted from Alice; though, I still knew, with a good degree of confidence that the little rat was smirking at me like a fucking know it all.

I ended up riding with John to Kel's parent's house, but I preferred it that way. I was still fucking edgy and high strung over my pain in the ass sister, and I could tell Bella knew instantly something was up with me.

. . .

The entire town seemed to have turned out for the barbecue. Kel's parent's property was large like Nummi's, and was crowded with people.

John and I ran into Chris not long after arriving, who then decided to introduce me to everyone who had even a faint connection with Bella. Most of them were her classmates from high school. They all referred to me as Edwud, while one prick had the nerve to ask me if Bella was as easy as her mother.

Just as I took a step closer to the asshole, John pulled me swiftly away, hastily shoving a can of beer in my hand. I almost crushed the fucking thing in my grip.

"Take no notice, mate. He's a wanker."

"I guess every country has its weasel Newton," I muttered to myself, taking a gulp of beer and immediately grimacing.

We were joined by Mick a moment later, and sensing I wasn't down to "get pissed" with them, John and Chris pretty much hauled ass.

It was a good thing, too. I was going to need to fucking detox my liver by the time I got back home!

"The girls sent me to find you," Mick said, chuckling. "I think Bella was worried you got lost."

We caught up with them chatting with a group of girls, who all stopped and stared at me the minute I approached. One thing was sure; I could now empathize with what Bella had to put up with when she first arrived in Forks.

After introducing me to everyone, Bella threw me this pleading, helpless look, and taking the hint I pulled her away with me.

"Those girls never wanted anything to do with me at school," she confessed after a moment, rolling her eyes, but appearing good-natured. "You and Alice have made me popular." She broke into a light chuckle.

I only grinned at her, shaking my head lightly to myself, before draping my arm over her shoulders. I led her to one of the several alfresco dining tables. Rach and Alice soon joined us, followed by Nummi and Mick—who looked suspiciously disheveled—before John.

Of course Chris came, bringing more "Tooheys" for me to drink with them, but because Bella knew me—too well by this point—she kept them distracted so I wouldn't have to drink too much of the stuff.

"Do you know in the U.S. the legal age to drink is twenty-one?" she asked them on round three.

They looked horrified.

I almost laughed, hiding it behind the can of beer, before taking another reluctant gulp. By the end of dinner, I somehow only managed to drink one can, but by the time we went down to the back paddock for the bonfire a couple of hours later, it had already caught up with me.

I was shattered.

It was only Kel's closest friends and family who were staying, Bella explained to me as I helped her grab our sleeping bags from the boot of Nummi's car. At least, they were what resembled sleeping bags. They were canvass mattress things, with a zip cover that Bella informed me was a "swag".

"You Australians sure do have interesting names for things," I teased her softly against her ear, as we made our way to sit in front of the now blazing fire.

Smiling to herself in response, Bella joined the two "swags" together before grabbing my hand and pulling me down with her.

"What's in these things?" I asked as I positioned myself behind her, pulling her against my chest.

"A couple of blankets. They're comfy," she answered, draping her hands over my propped knees before releasing her breath.

Bending forward, I pressed my face into the crook of her neck, kissing her skin, before planting my lips just beneath her ear, inhaling her in.

I never could work out what made her smell so damn good.

Taking another breath, she hummed it softly to herself before relaxing fully against me. I leaned back with her, but I was so fucking tired, and the fire was quickly adding to it; on top of Bella's weight against me, my arms began to strain.

Groaning softly, I sat us back upright. Bella immediately accommodated me by wrapping my arms around her, before I again dropped my face against her neck and shoulder; caressing her smooth, cool skin with my nose and lips as I all but fell asleep.

"Do you guys want a drink?"

I snapped my head up to see Chris standing before us, looking slightly awkward, and holding out two cans of coke towards us.

"Erm ... yeah. Thanks," I answered, taking one from him.

Bella politely declined.

Cracking open the can, I took a gulp. I needed the caffeine, and it was ice cold; which helped combat my rapidly rising body temperature.

While I downed it all, Bella played with my free hand, running her palm along mine, and entwining our fingers over and over.

"Edward?" she asked softly, breaking the silence, after I'd set the empty can aside, wrapped my arm back around her and pressed my lips into the curve of her neck again.

I only hummed my answer against the smoothness of her skin.

"Do you understand everything I say, now?"

Lifting up my head, I almost chuckled. "Of course I understand you."

She turned her head to look at me, smiling faintly, and looking completely unconvinced. "Well, how come when I'm talking to you, your brow crunches up and you start doing that smile?"

"What smile?" I asked.

"The one you're doing right now."

Burying my face against her neck again, I muffled my laughter, before raising my head to answer her. "I do understand you, sweetie. I just think you're freaking adorable when you say it."

Rolling her eyes, she flashed me a cynical grin. "Oh my god," she teased me, before donging me on the knee playfully. "You can't call me that, by the way."

"Call you what?" I asked, raising my brow. "Sweetie?"

"Mmm-hmm," she answered, continuing to thread our fingers together before she wrapped my arms tightly around her again.

"Why not? You are sweet."

"It makes me sound like I'm a cream puff."

Again, I broke into laughter. "You're that too," I murmured into her ear.

She sighed audibly, before nudging me with her elbow. "You are such a sap." Her tone had turned soft.

"Well what am I allowed to call you, then?"

"Hmmm..." she mused.

"Beautiful?" I suggested, moving on from her neck to kiss the side of her face and cheek.

Fuck, she smelled so good.

"Seriously? That makes me sound up myself."

With my lips remaining locked to her skin, my laughter this time came rushing through my nose. "I'd be the one saying it, not you. Besides, you are beautiful!"

She only sighed.

Leaning my chin on the top of her head, I groaned, this time with feigned frustration while I contemplated it.

"Honey?"

"Too ... Jazz!" Was Bella's conclusion.

I sighed. "Baby?"

She paused, seemingly in thought. "I prefer that to 'babe'."

"What's wrong with babe?" I asked before I went back to nuzzling her neck.

She tilted her head, and I wasn't sure if she was accommodating me or contemplating it.

"It's what Jake calls Ness."

I paused, repulsed. "Ok, I won't call you babe."

"I suppose you can call me baby, you big cheeseball," she teased me softly.

"I'm going to call you all those other things too, baby," I murmured, as I trailed the contours of her neck with my nose, before sliding my hand under the two layers of her clothes.

She only sighed, making it audible, before closing her eyes.

The fire was really beginning to burn my eyes; it was practically knocking me unconscious. With an exhausted groan, I dropped my lips to her shoulder, feeling suddenly unsteady.

I think I fell asleep like that for a few minutes.

"Edward, you're awfully hot. You wanna move back a bit from the fire?" Bella asked me gently, but her voice sounded echoed and faraway

My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head, blinking in confusion.

Climbing to her feet, Bella reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me to mine, before we moved our swags about ten feet back. The cooler air immediately snapped the coherency back into me, as I rubbed the heavy, smoky sensation from my eyes.

"Edward, oh my God, you look so buggered!" Bella exclaimed, gazing up at me with her expression knotting with concern.

"I'm fine," I replied in a croaky voice; further proof that I'd fallen asleep against her like a pussy.

Kicking her shoes off, Bella dropped to her knees and unzipped one of the swag-things. There was two blankets folded neatly inside, and with the first, she spread it over the canvass mattress before turning back to me.

"Come on," she said softly, holding out her hand.

Shuffling out of my shoes, I crawled in beside her, before she wrapped the second blanket over us and stretched out to zip us in.

I pulled her against me, and she laid her head on my chest, sighing. It was long and heavy; I could feel the whoosh of the air leaving her lungs, vibrating against me.

"What?" I asked her gently.

"Nothing ... I'm okay," she mumbled before taking a fistful of my shirt.

She always held on to me this way; as if she feared I was going to disappear.

Suddenly feeling engulfed by her, and by this last fucking week, I rolled us to the side, and pressed my lips against hers deeply, before pulling back to kiss her cheek, then her forehead. "I'm always going to be here, Bella, okay?"

She sighed again, only this time she smiled along with it. "Go to sleep for a while, and then I'll let you get all soppy with me," she teased me, pausing to drop her voice all coy like. "And some other stuff too."

Fuck, there was no chance I was going to sleep now.

But I did. I held out as long as I could, but it was hard to avoid as tired as I was. Not to mention the fact that Bella deliberately lulled me by running her fingers through my hair and over my forehead.

I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for, but when I woke it was quiet; aside from the crackling of the dimming bonfire. Bella was laying limp and heavy on top of me, breathing evenly, with the fistful of my shirt still in her hand.

And I was sweating like a fucking pig.

Carefully, I shifted to the side so that Bella was laying in the crook of my arm, but the minute I moved, she stirred, groaning softly.

"You sure you're not getting sick, Edward?" she mumbled, still half asleep before draping her arm around my waist and snuggling further into me. "You're so hot!"

I smiled, exhaling it shortly and unzipped the swag flap-thing before I turned into a fucking puddle of water.

The cold air snapped her completely awake this time, and grabbing my arms she wrapped them around her, shuddering against me.

"This is proof that I'm still not acclimatized to Forks," she grumbled.

"You're half way there. You're not dressed like you're in the arctic like Rach and Nummi," I teased her, wrapping the blanket more securely around her.

She chuckled, went into a coughing fit, shivered then slid her cool hands under my shirt, before finally relaxing against me. But the instant her hands made contact with my skin I was engulfed with a static energy, and was immediately hard.

"You're my very own walking, talking heater," she mumbled, laughing gently to herself.

"You may not want me around in summer," I murmured, pressing my nose into her hair.

"I'll always want you around, you dag," she replied, her tone turning almost serious, before she moved her arms from around me and used them to prop herself up on my chest. She only gazed at me for a moment, and with her face flooded with the glow from the fire, her eyes appeared almost endless.

"What…?"

She suddenly broke into this small amused smile. "You talk in your sleep."

Rolling my eyes, I exhaled deliberately. "Noticed that did you? You're a light sleeper."

"Yeah, I know," she admitted, curling her fist under her chin, as her brow bunched for the briefest moment, before her focus was back on me again. "You sleep like the dead, but you're funny."

"Okay, put me out of my misery. What did I say?" I asked, good-naturedly, reaching up to push her hair out of her face.

"Something about a 'freaking little ferret'"—she chuckled softly—"and a 'fuck my life' then a … 'I love you, Baby'," she relayed, her tone softening.

"You must have been hearing things," I mumbled, teasing her, and having to smother my laughter as she whacked me in response. "It's what you told me to call you."

"I know," she replied, rolling her eyes, before she locked them with mine again. "What am I gonna call you?"

"Edwud," I answered, mimicking her accent.

Shaking her head she only took an exaggerated breath.

My laughter softened. "Ok, what do you want to call me?"

She paused in thought, her forehead puckering the longer she contemplated it. "Handsome..."

"Erm ... that will make me sound up myself," I replied, as she immediately elbowed me.

"Stop!"

"I'm sorry; go on," I urged her, pushing my laughter through my nose as she scowled at me.

"Spunk?" she proposed.

"Erm … baby, do you know what that actually means outside of Australia?"

Her brow quirked. "What…?" she asked, curiously.

Pulling her closer to me, I whispered the answer in her ear, "Semen."

She pulled back in what looked like horrified disbelief. "Seriously?"

Jesus, she was funny.

"Seriously."

She only gazed at me for a moment, a cynical smirk edging into her expression. "You like mocking me, don't you?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," she replied in good-humor, before she went back to contemplating again—only to immediately seem to give up in frustration.. "I dunno—just ... bloody kiss me, Ed-word."

Happy to oblige her, I curled my hand around the back of her neck, tangling my fingers in her hair, before dragging her down to meet my lips.

"Yes, cream puff," I half mumbled, half chuckled against her soft pouty lips, before I merged them fully with mine.

She immediately deepened it, parting her lips to take mine in a way that was both fucking seductive and way too tender. Her breath gushed from her nose and her limbs slackened against me, before without warning, she pulled back to gaze at me; a slightly bemused expression creasing her brow.

"Do you know what your sister gave me?" She looked like she was about to laugh, but for the slight disbelief and caution hedging into her tone.

"Erm..." I played dumb. I was well aware what my pain in the ass sister had given her, but I gauged her reaction closely, holding back the internal groan until I was certain fucking Alice had not just set us back six months.

"Condoms," she answered, her voice faintly trailing at the end, as though she was lost in sudden thought. But when she turned her eyes back to mine, her expression was serious.

I contemplated feigning ignorance, but decided against it. I wasn't a great bull-shitter and if she caught me out—she was tight with my freaking sister after all—it wouldn't be productive. Besides, we really did need to be open about stuff like this. I barely had any control when it came to her now. I had never wanted anything in my life like I wanted her body; it was a physical force that had taken on a life of its own, and I was becoming powerless to stop it.

"Yeah ... I know. She tried to give them to me."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You didn't take them?"

This fucking stumped me, and it took me a moment to disconnect my brain from my dick and even longer to make sure my pansy ass voice wasn't going to hitch. "Should ... I have?"

"Um ... yeah." There was a faint smile on her face, and the "well, duh" was openly implied.

It was easier to gauge her reaction, because I was literally stumped again. I kept my mind firmly on her, on that element of uncertainty reflecting in her eyes, in a pitiful attempt to stonewall the fucking raging hard-on that was all but forcing me to focus on the meaning behind her words.

Had she just given us the go ahead?

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to speak while grasping the enormity of her meaning. A small grin began forming on her lips, and the longer I faltered the broader it became until she was all but chuckling at me.

"Come here," I muttered, pulling her flush against me, my hands finding their way against her warm—almost burning—skin.

Lifting her head, she gazed directly into my eyes, and in the light of the fire hers were blazing. There was a burning in them that I immediately recognized, along with that vulnerability of hers.

Fuck.

She was torn down the middle, exactly like I was.

Clearing her voice gently, she began running her fingers along my jaw. "I … get so lost in everything with you, Edward," she began, before she paused, glanced down and chewed on her lower lip as if searching for the right words.

"Yeah...?" I coaxed her, squeezing her gently when she didn't elaborate on it.

She met my eyes again and her expression appeared self-conscious, but at the same time … almost sly. "Last night … it wasn't easy to pull out of it, and we need to be careful."

I nodded and let out my breath, trying to ignore my stiff as a flag pole dick that was becoming fucking painful.

"I know. We do," I agreed. "I just ... I wasn't sure how you felt, or..." I abandoned my train of thought, shaking my head slightly to myself.

Fuck, could I really just come out and ask if she was a virgin? Was I even ready for the answer?

"Or…?" she prompted me, her brows raising questioningly.

"Or … if..." I stalled again, trying in vain to get myself under control—at the bare minimum—before she noticed what a complete primitive bastard I was, but I couldn't think rationally when I was this stiff. It was fucking impossible.

She only gazed at me, an almost amused smile growing across her face the longer she did. "Edward, you look like you're becoming unhinged." Her voice was soft and teasing.

Grinning to myself awkwardly, I tried again. "Bella ... are you—I mean, have you...?" The heat from my dick immediately retracted and flooded to my ears—giving me some kind of relief, at least—before I covered my face behind my hand and groaned out loud. "Jesus, I'm sorry…"

"Edward, it's..." She sighed, abandoning it to force my hand away from my face, forcing me to look at her. When I met her eyes, they were endless again, while a small smile was hinting at her lips. "Am I a virgin?" she asked softly.

I didn't respond; I couldn't.

"Yes," she admitted in a whisper, nodding her head slightly.

I might have blinked and swallowed thickly, all I know for sure was that she didn't break her gaze from mine. She just stared into my eyes, down to my very soul before she bent down, her breath washing against my ear, and whispered, "And I want to give it to you."

My heart almost literally came to a screeching fucking halt, catching my breath with it. In the next second, I pulled myself up on one elbow, cupped my hand to her cheek and drew her to me, pressing my lips impulsively against hers.

I was rough, and one step from all out groping her, but she didn't seem to object; in fact, she curled her hands around the back of my neck and allowed me to lie her back, becoming completely fluid beneath me.

It was quickly getting ahead of me. I knew, somewhere in the far reaches of my rational mind, she didn't mean she wanted to lose her virginity to me this instant. But I was completely steamrolled by sheer horny fucking desire.

It became heated very quickly, and I knew I was fast approaching the point of no return. This was despite laying only twenty or so feet away from a group of people—my sister being one of them.

And it didn't help that she was completely accommodating and reactive to every action I made.

Pulling her closer to me, I attempted to drag the blanket over us—all without severing the contact of our lips that had totally fucking conquered me—when I quickly discovered that she'd placed herself directly between my legs. I was leaning on one elbow; it was all that kept me from completely crushing into her, while my dick fucking throbbed. With my other hand, I struggled to slip it beneath her layers of clothes, engulfed by the heat of her mouth.

But fuck, she was consuming me, wearing down my restraint breath by painful fucking breath; flooding me with her.

The tempo of it went in waves. One minute we were kissing, holding nothing back, with a sense of urgency, and the next she slowed it down, closing her mouth against mine, the pressure of her lips turning almost tender. I wasn't sure which part sent me further over the edge, but what I did know was that it was fucking killing me.

She was in total control, while I was in total fucking strung out chaos

Pulling my lips from hers, I took a staggered breath, becoming fully aware of the aroused energy surging through my veins. Every inch of my skin was alight with her.

"Edward..." she sighed breathlessly, caressing her nose with mine.

Oh, Jesus…

"Bella ... baby," I all but groaned forcing back the animal in me, and knowing I had to hang on; we had to eventually put a stop to this.

But I didn't, instead I crushed my lips back against hers.

Her hands ran through my hair, returning to the back of my neck and in my hair where she held me tightly to her. I grabbed her sweater in my fist, but it remained like that, frozen. I wanted to pull it up, fueled by the feel of her burning skin beneath the layers, but my brain was clouded and buzzing only with the feel of her lips and the fucking torture of my confined dick.

My arm I was leaning on began quaking, so pulling my lips from hers again, I rested my face gently against her cheek as I struggled to take an even breath; struggled to hold on to any self-control I had left; struggled to keep some boundary in place that would prevent me from ripping her clothes off then and there.

Bella merely pressed her lips to my face, running her hands beneath my shirt and around to my back, where she coaxed me to relax my full weight on her. I was as hard as fucking granite, and she'd just thrust me directly between her legs.

Oh, fuck.

Dropping my face into the crook of her neck, I let out one seriously fucked up, shuddering breath. It came out as half a sigh, half a groan, with a one hundred percent, horny as hell undertone.

"Baby ... maybe ... we..." I struggled to pull up the air to speak while my heart hammered furiously in my chest.

"I know..." she whispered, just as her hot breath washed out over my face in a sigh that sounded almost identical to mine.

But sliding her hands from around my back, she rested them against my hips, before her fingers slipped beneath the waist band of my jeans. Her touch made every hair on my body to stand on end, while a blaze of desire surged directly to my groin. My dick immediately reacted, jerking—almost bending in fucking half behind my zipper.

I tried to smother back the groan but it ended up coming out as some restricted, fucked up strangled noise from my throat.

Oh, what the fuck!

Grabbing her, I engulfed her back to me, connecting my mouth to hers, and she immediately reacted to me. My hands found their way under her sweater and as I ran them across her cool soft skin, any conflicting thoughts I had immediately melted away. I was already whipped. All I knew was her. Her lips, her body beneath mine, and her hand as it inched further down my hip and into my boxers.

I paused; my mouth instantly halting over hers briefly before I lost myself in the feel of her beneath my palms. I was so far freaking gone that I didn't realize she'd put her whole hand inside my jocks. The button on my jeans popped opened before her fingers grazed my erection, making me physically jolt. I tore my lips from hers, when without warning, she grabbed my dick, wrapped it completely in the palm of her hand and squeezed.

My breath caught in the back of my throat, before I uttered this low, completely involuntary groan. I tensed and then shuddered, almost blowing my fucking load then and there.

She relaxed her grip.

"Bella..." I managed to speak. My voice was tight and strangled, before I buried my face into her neck, taking deep breaths, in a desperate attempt to distract myself.

Then she squeezed again.

I jerked reflexively, groaning again, louder this time, but muffled against her skin. "Oh, God, Bella—you have to stop!" I hastily grabbed her wrist, as her hand gripped my fucking dick like a vice, and held it still. I was too afraid to pull it off in case the friction would be the end of me. So I just held my hand over hers, kept my face buried against her neck and forcefully dragged fucked up images of Jazz and Alice making out to my mind.

"I-I'm sorry, Edward," she blurted apologetically, suddenly sounding uncertain, before releasing me and quickly pulling her hand out from underneath the waist of my jeans.

The sound of remorse in her voice was enough to deflate me to the point that I could manage some kind of self-control. I raised my head and caught her gaze, and even from the small amount of light the dimming bonfire created, I could see doubt burning deeply in them.

"Hey…" I began softly.

She smiled. It was warm, but just like her eyes, it was flooded with uncertainty.

Kissing her gently but briefly, I sighed before pressing my lips to her burning cheek. "Don't ever be sorry for that, Bella," I whispered, before I kissed her again, closer to her ear, having to physically restrain myself and pull back.

It wasn't fucking easy.

Sitting us both upright, I wrapped the blanket around her, before pulling her against my chest. Then, dropping my lips to the top of her head, I gathered the last of my self-control.

"You're right, baby, I should have taken them," I eventually admitted

She chuckled softly, before drawing my arms tighter around her and releasing her breath into a long drawn out sigh. "Edward … maybe we should ... plan something."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a slightly restricted voice, feeling my boner come back to life.

"We should leave it to fate. The next time we're alone … okay?" she suggested, but she was sounding unsure of herself again.

"Okay," I agreed softly, dropping my lips to the back of her neck and praying that fated day would be as soon as fucking possible.

I ran my nose and lips along her skin, resting them against her shoulder as my mind began calculating the possibilities.

We only had five more days in Australia. If it wasn't during one of those, we'd have to wait for more than a week until we got back to Forks...

I sighed to myself, and it wasn't until Bella reacted to it that I realized it was out loud.

"You okay?" she murmured, gently.

"I'm fine," I reassured her, pressing my lips to the side of her neck.

Taking my hand in hers, she began playing absently with my fingers. I wanted to ask what she was thinking about, but instead I relaxed myself against her, rising up and down with the motion of her breathing.

A few moments later, with a small smirk hinting on her lips, she elaborated, "Edward?"

"Mmm-hmm?" I mumbled, closing my eyes just as a completely fucked up image of me and Bella having sex in front of a thousand sheep, in some dry patch of grass at the back of Nummi's property, unfolded in my mind.

"You really do have a big pen."

A/N: Of course he does. It just wouldn't be Kosher if he didn't peeps, I mean, come on...