I had a ball writing this one. I hope you guys enjoy it. Please, please, please review so I can know how I'm doing. Thanks.
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine.
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Cam and Hodgins were driving Angela crazy. Despite their outrage over Sweets' actions with Brennan, they were being squeamish little weenies when it came to making him pay. From their attitude, you would think that she had suggested killing the jerk as part of her plan. That was ridiculous; she wanted him very much alive so that he could suffer. She had merely suggested that the most important person in his life be shot right in front of him and he be told they were dead whether they were or not. They had both looked at her in shock and horror but she had seen them waver for just a nanosecond when they figured out who that person was. Daisy. She had only been kidding with that one, but she still thought her kidnap and torture plan would work. He definitely deserved it and they certainly knew how to manipulate or eradicate evidence. Besides they would probably wind up assisting in the investigation. What better way to cover up your own crime?
She had more suggestions, but after the first two, they wouldn't even listen to her. They were both carefully formulating their own plans and they were going to present them and everyone vote when they all went to see Zach in two days. They were being all scientific and methodical and Angela was tired of waiting. So, she had put one of her little schemes into action last night. It wasn't anywhere near the whole plan, she was considering it a bonus to tide her over until the real torture began. Sweets should be here anytime, she thought happily, leaning against the railing on the platform scanning the floor with an eagle eye. Suddenly, she straightened, eyes widening in horror. Crap, she had to stop him before it was too late. She turned and flew down the step, sliding to a halt in front of Hodgins.
"Where did you get the brownie, Hodgie?" He threw the last bite in his mouth and chewed slowly. She wasn't going to panic. It might just be a brownie.
"Out of your lab coat pocket. I saw you putting them in there this morning and I got hungry. Do you want me to get you one?"
"Thanks, Hodgie, but I can do it." She patted his arm and raced into her office, shoulders sagging when she found one brownie missing out of the left pocket. Hodgins was going to kill her.
"Angela, did you want to go out to lunch?" Sweets asked from the doorway to her office. Angela turned with a smile.
"I thought we'd just eat here. Hodgins' cook made us chicken salad sandwiches. If you'll grab us something to drink, I'll get the sandwiches and meet you on the platform."
"Sure." Sweets grinned at her and she felt just a moment's doubt about carrying out her plan, but then it passed. They leisurely ate the delicious sandwiches and chatted. Just as Sweets announced that he should be going, Angela pulled out the brownie that Hodgins hadn't eaten and handed it Sweets. His eyes widened in delight. He thanked her and said he would save it for later. That would not do. She took a brownie out of her other pocket and unwrapped it releasing that delicious chocolate scent and broke off a piece, popping it into her mouth, closing her eyes and moaning as the flavor exploded on her tongue. She opened her eyes to find Sweets staring. That last little bit had been unintentional, but, damn, Henry could make really great brownies. She gestured toward the one in Sweets' hand.
"Come on, Sweets, live a little. I guarantee these are the best brownies you've ever tasted." He unwrapped his brownie and took a huge bite, chewing with pleasure, then scarfed down the rest of the dessert quickly.
Hodgins was working on the platform and casting frequent glances toward the clearly visible Angela and Sweets. What was she up to? He seriously doubted that she had suddenly decided to forgive Sweets and make him her new BFF, but that's what it looked like. She had been mercilessly hounding him and Cam for the last few days to get it in gear and start the Sweets torture then suddenly backed off yesterday, smiling and saying she could wait when he questioned her about the attitude change. He watched her encourage Sweets to consume the brownie and felt just a twinge of uneasiness. Nah, she wouldn't. Besides, Henry had baked the brownies. She couldn't have possibly done anything to them. Right?
Wrong, he thought 20 minutes later when the first abdominal cramp hit him. He rubbed his abdomen and thought that it was just an anomaly. For about 30 seconds. By then, he was bent at the waist, clutching his stomach. Oh, God, he had to get to the bathroom. He tried to straighten up, but realized that was not going to happen. So, he started sort of shuffling his feet because he couldn't possibly take normal steps and keep his butt cheeks clenched at the same time. As the cramping increased, so did the speed of his shuffling until he was doing this odd little bent over, butt cheek clenched slide across the floor. Everyone who saw him coming cleared the way and he made it. Barely. Thirty minutes later he left the bathroom in a semi erect posture and went in search of one Ms. Angela Montenegro.
She met him halfway across the floor. Which was good because his stomach was starting to twinge again. He knew he didn't have time for a long conversation, so he got right to the point.
"How much did you use, Angela?" She looked away and mumbled the answer so softly that he had to ask her to repeat it. His tone was sharp and her head shot up.
"Eight times the recommended dosage." He had no trouble hearing that one, just believing it.
"Angela, what the hell were you thinking. You could kill somebody." She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, please, Hodgins, it's not a lethal dose. I asked Cam to make sure."
"Cam was in on this?" He was incredulous.
"No, I just asked her when she was busy so she wouldn't catch on." Sometimes her deviousness scared him a little.
"Angela, how could you let me eat that brownie?" Her eyes narrowed and her hands went to her hips.
"Now, hold it right there, I had nothing to do with that." Hodgins opened his mouth to argue the point, but was suddenly bent over clutching his stomach, his thoughts focused on getting to the bathroom. He didn't have much time. As he was shuffle/sliding away, Angela called after him, "You know, Hodgie, it's not really polite to take other peoples food without asking." He was so going to kill her. When he could stay out of the bathroom. And walk fully upright. Ok, so maybe she still had a while to live.
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Hodgins was out of work for a day and a half and had not spoken to Angela since she told him it wasn't polite to take peoples food without asking. She could live with that. She had apologized several times but felt that she was not fully to blame and she knew that he would eventually get over it. Besides she had learned a valuable lesson. She had asked Cam if 8 times the recommended dosage of a laxative was a lethal dose. Apparently, there is no lethal dosage of laxatives. It's the electrolyte imbalances that will cause complications and kill you, Cam explained after the fact. Angela considered that very need to know info and was more than a little put out that Cam hadn't shared. So, next time she would just be more specific with her questions, she decided.
She was also bummed that she hadn't actually gotten to see Sweets suffer. But she had seen Hodgins do enough of his "jump and run" as she was secretly calling it in the last 36 hours to be able to substitute Sweets in her mind and she was able to pass some time giggling at the sight. Well, well, well, speak, or in this case think, of the Devil and he will appear. Sweets walked into her office. He looked awful. He was pale and sweating a little and had a brace on his left wrist. He flopped into the chair in front of her desk as if the walk across the room had tired him out. Angela leaned forward with her elbows braced on her desk.
"Wow. Sweets, you look awful. Were you in an accident?" She nodded toward the brace on his wrist.
"What? No, no accident." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair.
"So, have you been sick." His face flushed beet red.
"I've had some, um, um, stomach, um, issues?" he stuttered. Angela propped her chin on her fist and tried to look interested instead of gleeful.
"Really?"
"Did you not get sick after we had lunch the other day?" He looked a little suspicious.
"Nope, I feel great."
"Hmm, I was sure it was something from our lunch, but I guess not." Now, he looked thoughtful.
"Well, now that you mention it, Hodgins had a few stomach issues, too." His face instantly went red again and Angela stifled a giggle.
"So, it could have been something from our lunch?" He sat forward as if the answer was very important to him. Angela shrugged as if she had no clue.
"I guess. Although, the only thing that we all ate was the brownies and I didn't get sick, so it was probably just a virus or something." He regarded her closely for a long second before nodding his agreement. Smiling, she nodded toward his wrist. "So, what happened to your wrist?" He looked down and blushed. Angela perked up. This should be interesting or, at the very least, some fun.
"I, oh, I, um, sprained it in the, um, middle of the, um, night." Angela gave a husky laugh that brought his head up.
"Reeeaaallllyyy?" she drawled. His eyes narrowed.
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Angela." She gave another laugh and made an obscene gesture with her own hand to indicate the activity she thought had caused his wrist sprain. He stared at her in open mouthed shock, then jumped to his feet, face flaming.
"For God's Sakes, Angela." He exclaimed, pacing in front of her desk and rubbing his hand over his head repeatedly.
"What? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Most people do it," she assured him perkily. Then looked at him doubtfully, "Although, most people don't do it enough to sprain their wrist."
"Do what?" Brennan asked, walking into the room. Angela was very pleased to see her. She felt sure that Brennan would liven up this conversation. Angela relaxed back into her chair and clasped her hands on her stomach, surveying the room with amusement. Grinning at Brennan, she repeated the gesture that had upset Sweets. His face heated up again. Brennan raised a brow at Angela but pointed to Sweets.
"So, Sweets sprained his wrist masturbating?" Sweets went even redder and Angela couldn't hold back her giggles. Brennan was just so serious, it was hilarious. She and Sweets answered Brennan at the same time.
"Yep."
"NO!" Brennan slipped both hands into her lab coat pockets and turned to Sweets with a very earnest look on her face.
"Sweets, overuse of any joint can cause sprains or more serious or permanent injuries. Perhaps you should consider the use of a masturbatory aid if you require that many releases." Angela had actually fallen out of her chair laughing. Sweets was glow in the dark red and completely at a loss for words. He turned and stomped out of the room.
"I was just trying to help you, Sweets," Brennan yelled at his retreating back. The funny thing is that she really was just trying to help. Angela still found it hilarious.
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The family meeting with Zach did not go exactly as expected. First he told them about Booth coming to see him and what information he had relayed to the agent. He then informed them that if they felt that he had violated the trust that Dr. Brennan had placed in him and felt it necessary to eject him from the family unit as punishment for his transgression, he would understand. The other three people in the room had looked at the brilliant young man in front of them with tears in their eyes. Cam and Hodgins had both reached out and put a hand on one of Zach's. Angela got up, walked around the table and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. Hodgins spoke for all of them.
"That's the thing about family, Zach. Once you're in, you're in for life. So, sorry, dude, but it looks like you're stuck with us forever." None of them would ever forget the relief or joy that filled Zach's face in that instant.
"So, what is this family meeting about?" Zach needed to know details to be of any assistance. It was just the way his brain worked. Angela took over.
"We need to decide what we're going to do to Sweets as punishment." Whoa. Zach really didn't want to mess with Sweets since he had information that Zach would prefer he not share.
"Punishment for what, Angela?" By the time Angela finished her explanation, Zach didn't care what Sweets knew about him. Angela was right, nobody messed with their family and Sweets had gone too far. Zach began to methodically assess the possibilities. "Do you wish to cause him general discomfort or permanent physical disability?" Angela beamed at Zach. Cam and Hodgins thought it would be a very bad idea for Angela and Zach have any alone time whatsoever. They didn't even want to know what the two could come up with together. Hodgins fielded the question.
"Somewhere in between there, Zachie boy." Zach nodded then his eyes narrowed.
"What does Dr. Brennan want to do? After all, she is the injured party. Don't you think we should accede to her wishes?" The other three avoided his eyes.
"Hodgins, where is Dr. Brennan?" Damn, he would have to zero in on him. With a sigh, Hodgins lifted his head and met Zach's eyes.
"She doesn't know anything about this, Zach."
"Why not?"
"Bren's not like us, Zach. Even though Sweets did something awful to her, she won't do anything back to him." Angela took over the explanation, but she realized that Brennan was very much like one of them. Zach. Maybe they should just insist that he sit this one out.
"Then, perhaps, that is what we should do. Nothing."
"No." Three voices sounded at once. They looked at each other and grinned. All three had doubted the advisability of continuing with this course of action for the last few days, but it seemed they had all reached the same conclusion. It had to be done.
"Zach, if you don't want to be involved, it's ok." Cam made the offer for all three. Zach was torn. His hyper rational brain told him that revenge served no useful purpose, but that rational part of himself had landed him in the loony bin so he wasn't sure just how reliable it was. Perhaps he could offer technical assistance. After all, his mobility was severely restricted at the moment. He looked up to find the other three staring at him.
"No, I'll do what I can to help. We could always lock him up here in the loony bin for a few days. I don't think he would like it." Hodgins grinned at the rare appearance of Zach's sense of humor, then glanced worriedly at Angela when he noticed the speculative gleam in her eye. She turned toward Zach.
"Could you really do that, Zach? Make sure that he was locked in here for a few days?" Zach nodded and Angela leaned forward eagerly. Cam quickly intervened.
"Angela, that's probably not a good idea. He would know who had done it and Zach would get in more trouble." Angela's shoulders slumped dejectedly. She had really liked the idea of Sweets being locked up for a few days. She could just see him running around telling all the staff that he was a psychologist. They would roll their eyes, reply "Sure you are, Buddy," and sedate him. Not quite ready to let the images go, she leaned in toward Zach and patted his arm.
"We'll talk later," she whispered. Not if Cam and Hodgins could help it.
"Surely the three of you have some ideas? Perhaps, you could share those with me and I could expand on them or determine the correct parameters to assure success." Angela looked confused and Hodgins explained.
"He means work out the details, Ange." His face took on a disgruntled look and he leaned toward Angela with a glare. "So that the plan works on Sweets and only on Sweets." She leaned in, her expression matching his.
"That was not my fault, Hodgins," she answered through clenched teeth. Zach's eyes were bouncing back and forth as if he was watching an exciting game of tennis. Hodgins was still just a wee bit upset about the results of Angela's previous plan and in complete disagreement about where the fault lay.
"Well, it certainly wasn't mine, Angela. You almost killed me," he whined. Angela rolled her eyes. Zach was beginning to look concerned and Cam knew she should break this up, but she was too busy trying to stifle laughter at the picture of Hodgins' hunched over bathroom shuffle that kept popping into her head. She felt bad that he had suffered, but that little walk was just about the funniest thing she had ever seen in her life. Angela rolled her eyes.
"Oh, please, Jack." She leaned in closer, narrowed her eyes and spoke in a chilling whisper, "Believe me, Hodgie, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead." Hodgins' head snapped back with a gasp. He almost believed her. Luckily, Zach intervened before things could escalate.
"Angela, why would you try to kill Hodgins?" Angela snorted.
"I didn't try to kill Hodgins, Zach. He interfered with my bonus plan for Sweets." Hodgins opened his mouth to argue her choice of words, but Zach had more questions.
"And was your plan successful?" Angela and Hodgins answered simultaneously. Cam just shrugged.
"YES!"
"NO!" Angela and Hodgins turned toward each other, arguing and Zach looked at them, helpless and confused. Cam was getting a headache.
"People!" she yelled. She smiled at the instant silence in the room. She still had it. "All this," she waved her arms around, "was supposed to be about teaching Sweets a lesson. So far, the only thing it's done is put us at each other's throats. That stops now or I'm out." The other three looked at each other consideringly. Cam was right. They nodded their agreement to her demand. She gave them a regal nod back, clasped her hands together on the table, and continued. "So, who wants to put their plan on the floor first?" Angela raised her hand, bouncing up and down in her chair.
"I do, I do." Cam and Hodgins didn't even look at each other as they shot her down.
"No." Her face and hand fell. Zach patted her on the back. He wasn't sure why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. He was pleased when she turned to smile at him.
"I'll go first, then," offered Cam. She placed her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Ok, I've been thinking about the emotional torture that Sweets put Brennan through and I think I've found a way to return the favor." Three interested faces gazed back at her. "I was able to get my hands on his medical records and he has a complete physical scheduled for next week." She sat back and looked at three confused faces. She sat forward again and smiled slyly. "Do you people have any idea how many devastating, degenerative diseases that are out there with no specific test to confirm their presence?" Angela and Zach still looked confused but Hodgins was starting to smile. Zach, being Zach, needed more information.
"So you're saying that we should give Sweets some horrible disease that can't be confirmed by the doctor?" His reluctance was plain in his voice. Cam's grin turned evil.
"No, Zach, I'm saying that we give Sweets the symptoms of some horrible disease that can't be confirmed by the doctor." Zach looked more comfortable with that scenario and Angela looked a little disappointed. She leaned forward.
"Like what?" she asked eagerly. Cam shrugged.
"Take your pick. Sweets' hereditary history is very sketchy, so it could be almost anything." Angela's eyes gleamed with satisfaction at the emotional pain this plan would cause Sweets, then dimmed when doubt hit her.
"But how do we give him symptoms of something he doesn't have?" Cam looked a little worried at the question. Obviously, that was one point of her plan that hadn't yet been worked out, but Hodgins smiled broadly.
"I think I have an idea and it ties in perfectly with my plan." His grin was practically splitting his face open. "I bought the apartment building Sweets lives in last week." He sat back with satisfaction and rolled his eyes when three confused faces looked at him. "I'm taking the building co-op and the kid doesn't have the money to buy in." Angela and Cam grinned and Angela explained to Zach who had no idea what that meant.
"It means that Sweets will get evicted, Zach." While Zach could see how that would be annoying, he didn't really see a serious plan behind it.
"But won't he just find another apartment?" Hodgins grinned and leaned back in his chair, extending his legs and crossing his arms over his stomach.
"Not if I buy every apartment that he wants to move into." The other three paused for a moment. Cam and Angela awed at the thought of having the financial resources to enact this plan. Zach a little envious of the deviousness of the way Hodgins' mind worked. He felt he needed to contribute and his mind whirled to come up with something. Suddenly, he had it.
"My grandfather had Parkinson's disease." He blurted. Cam looked thoughtful and then nodded.
"Good idea, Zach." Zach's chest swelled with pride at the praise. "Fairly easy symptoms to mimic. There is a new test for Parkinson's but it is still experimental and highly unreliable, so even if Sweets' doctor runs the test, he won't have a definitive answer. I like it." Cam reached over and squeezed Zach's forearm and he beamed. Angela liked it, too, but she didn't see how they were going to pull it off and she was getting worried.
"I like both plans, but, Hodgie, how can we possibly know where Sweets is planning on moving? And Cam, how can we give him symptoms of this disease? And I want to help, too." She whined, dropping her head to the table to rest atop her crossed arms. Hodgins leaned forward and stroked her hair.
"Hey, Baby, I've got that covered." Angela's head came up and she eyed him suspiciously.
"How?"
"That's actually the best part. You get to be Sweets new BFF." Angela's eyes narrowed then a slow, evil smile spread across her face.
"Explain," she demanded. All four leaned forward until they were in a huddle atop the table.
"Ok, Ange, you will offer to go apartment hunting with Sweets." Angela's smile widened. They might not be using her plan but she was beginning to really like this one. After all, what could be better than seeing Sweets suffer up close and personal. Cam had something to add.
"And in your position as a close friend, it would be remiss of you not to point out these symptoms of Parkinsons." And cause them, if necessary, Cam added silently. Angela was now one happy camper until a cloud appeared on her horizon.
"How do we keep Bren and Booth from noticing what's going on?" Cam and Hodgins both scoffed at the idea that either would catch on. They were all so engrossed in their scheming that they didn't notice Zach stiffen and his eyes widen. He cleared his throat to get their attention. They ignored him.
"Um, guys," No response. He cleared his throat more loudly.
"Guys!" They still ignored him. Time to get serious.
"HODGINS!" Hodgins' head came up.
"What?!" Zach leaned in and whispered.
"Agent Booth already knows." The other three scoffed. Until they noticed Zach's wide eyed stare over their heads and all three gulped and slowly turned to see one Special Agent Seeley Booth casually leaning against the wall just inside the door of the room, arms crossed over his chest regarding them all with a raised eyebrow.
"Hi ya, Squints," he greeted with a smile as he pushed away from the wall and ambled toward the table. Cam, Hodgins and Angela looked at each other in panic, but Zach appeared unruffled.
"Hello, Agent Booth. It's nice to see you again." The other three looked at Zach in disbelief, frantically trying to think of some way to find out how much Booth had overheard without just coming out and asking him.
"You, too, Zach." Booth smiled at the young man and then turned a steely gaze to the other three, standing at the end of the table and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Where's Bren?" Angela burst out, looking around as if she expected her friend to suddenly materialize at Booth's side. Booth shot her a look of amusement at the stalling tactic.
"She's not with me today, Angela. I just stopped by to thank Zach for his help and she was busy at work." Plus, he had wanted to have a private conversation with Zach. Zach beamed at the thought of being of assistance to Booth. "Now, would you three care to explain exactly what it is that you're plotting?" Angela shook her head. Hodgins gave a mumbled "No." Cam heaved a defeated sigh and Zach was just glad that he wasn't being included as a co-conspirator.
"How much did you hear?" Cam finally asked, biting her lip. Not much, she hoped. While nothing they were planning was illegal, it certainly didn't show any of them in a very flattering light. And, even though she and Booth were no longer romantically involved, she would hate to lose the respect of a friend. She would hate it even worse if he ratted them out to Brennan. She had an idea that there would be major fallout if that happened. Booth sat down and suddenly grinned at the assembly, causing all four some major confusion.
"Oh, not much. Just that Hodgins bought himself a new apartment building. Congratulations there, bug man." Booth wanted to burst out laughing at the looks on the four other faces around the table. They had no idea what he was up to and were afraid to ask. He decided to put them out of their misery. After all, nothing he had overheard was illegal and it wasn't like Sweets didn't deserve to suffer. Plus these four had been the ones to comfort and protect his Bones when he wasn't around to do it. They had seen the suffering that Sweets put her through and if they wanted a little payback for that, he was feeling magnanimous enough to let them have some fun. He leaned back in his chair crossing one ankle over the opposite knee and linking his fingers across his stomach. "Real shame about the kid having to move," he said with false sympathy, shaking his head, "when he's already having such a bad week." Angela perked right up.
"How is Sweets having a bad week?"
"Seems his car got towed over the weekend and the guys at the impound lot can't seem to locate it." Angela's smile was gleeful, especially since she could tell that Booth wasn't finished with the bad news. "Then twice this week, his security clearance to the Hoover building has been mysteriously rescinded. He was escorted from the building by armed guards both times." Booth couldn't hide a small smile at the memory. That one had cost him, but the sight of Sweets being dragged out of the building, sputtering that this was a mistake was worth it.
"Hey, man, we had nothing to do with that." Hodgins quickly assured Booth, still not quite understanding. But Cam got it and a huge smile spread across her face. Booth was telling them that he wouldn't interfere with their plans. In fact, unless she missed her guess, Booth had a few plans of his own regarding Sweets. Cam put a hand on Hodgins arm and shook her head at him when he opened his mouth to continue. And, suddenly, he got it, as well, grinning at Booth. Angela had caught on long before the others and was just enjoying the thought of Sweets suffering. Zach, as usual, didn't have a clue. Booth looked around the table at his and Brennan's "family" and was thankful for each and every one of them. To know that they all cared for his Bones enough to exact retribution on her behalf choked him up.
"Well, as much fun as it is hanging out with the squint squad, Bones will be ready to go home." He stood and gave them all a very serious, very stern look, zeroing in on Cam. "Nothing illegal or I'll have to shut you down." She nodded. She agreed. They wouldn't do anything that they could be prosecuted for. Booth's hands gripped the back of the chair and he leaned forward. "And Cam, leave Zach out of this." She nodded. She knew he was right, they never should have brought Zach in on this, they just wanted him to know he was still an important part of their family. Booth's gaze went to Angela and then Hodgins to receive their nods of agreement. Surprisingly, Zach was the one to object.
"But, Agent Booth, I want to help!" he insisted. Booth walked over and clasped his shoulder.
"Zach, you're already in enough trouble and Bones wouldn't like you being involved in this." Zach considered the statement and the thought of Dr. Brennan being displeased was enough to convince him to go along with Booth. He had already caused Brennan enough disappointment and pain; he didn't want to be responsible for more. He nodded his agreement. Booth patted him on the shoulder with an open palm, twice and Zach beamed. Booth turned and left the room whistling while the other three engaged Zach in general conversation. They still had more details to work out about Sweets but they would do that later, somewhere more appropriate. Right now they would just enjoy time with a dear friend that they all missed daily.