Chapter 37

Las Vegas, NV to Salt Lake City, UT: 6 hours; 421 miles.

TOTAL TRAVEL MILES SO FAR: 3,961 miles

Twenty minutes later, they were settling down when Anne heard House moaning. Looking up from her saddlebags, she caught the pained look in his eyes as he rubbed his stomach. Dropping what she was doing, she came over to the double bed closest to the main window and stood beside it. "House? Are you ok?"

He nodded and sat up straight, attempting to eradicate any trace of pain from his demeanor.

"The more you lie to me, the worse we'll get along and the more likely I'll be to demand an annulment. Is this what you want?"

House fidgeted on the bed in the guise of getting comfortable when, in actuality, it was a nervous fidget. An annulment was NOT what he wanted (probably because it meant no nookie); truth be told, an annulment was not what she wanted either. "I'm fine."

Anne lifted her eyebrow, clearly not believing him. "When was the last time you were examined by a professional?"

"Doctor or prostitute?"

'Why can't he just give me a straight answer?' "Doctor."

"Not since before I left…why?"

"Because I need to examine you. You're long overdue."

At this he shook his head firmly. "Absolutely not."

"And why not? I'm a doctor too you know."

"Because you can't afford to see me naked."

"HUH?!" Anne shook her head and rolled her eyes. "It's a STOMACH exam. You don't have to be naked. And what do you mean I can't afford to see you naked? Are you too expensive or something?"

"Well," he began, his mouth smirking, "you see me naked and you have no choice but to jump my bones. Our deal will be broken."

"Shut up and take off your shirt." She turned to her bags and pulled out her stethoscope and medical kit. Sighing quietly and closing her eyes, she had to get her wits about her before she saw him. She knew he'd be incredible, if that tall lankiness was any indication. Quickly turning around, she found House naked from the waist up. He was even better than she'd imagined.

'I'm so screwed.'

Looking up, House saw everything in her eyes and grinned knowingly. "See what I mean?"

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, WHERE YOU FROM? YOU SEXY THING, YOU SEXY THING YOU…

"What is that?" Anne straightened, her eyes roaming at the sudden distraction, thankful to be momentarily taken away from his chest.

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, SINCE YOU CAME ALONG, YOU SEXY THING…

"Oh crap," he muttered as Anne went looking for the source of the Hot Chocolate/You Sexy Thing serenade. "I forgot to change that."

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, BABY? HOW DID YOU KNOW I NEEDED YOU?

Anne found his phone but it was too late to answer. The caller ID said: JAMES WILSON

"It's James. He'll call back; don't tell him we're married."

House tilted his head. "Why not? I'd have thought you'd have shouted it from the rooftops."

"You may think you know James but he WILL murder you when he finds out we're married. And if he finds out over the phone? Not only will he murder you but your body will never be discovered; you'll just be dumped in the Atlantic, sporting cement galoshes. Trust me." House rolled his eyes, not believing for one moment Jimmy would do that. "Ok," Anne began again. "I'll make you a deal: you don't tell him we're married and I won't tell him about your ring tone."

That seemed fair.

"That seems fair. Deal."

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, WHERE YOU FROM? YOU SEXY THING, YOU SEXY THING YOU…

She handed him the phone.

"Jimmy-boy! How's man's best friend?"

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Are you out of jail?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I'm out of jail…you made bail, after all."

"House, you of all people know that you can't be trusted. And what have you done with Anne? Do you have her tied to the back of your motorcycle? Is she being used as your sex slave?"

'I wish.' "My, Boy Genius, what stupid questions you have. Are you sure you aren't a wolf in Grandmother's clothing?"

"Huh?"

Anne could tell the conversation was going very badly so she snatched the phone away from House and moved to the other bed, leaving the big baby whining about "How Mommy stole my phone". "James?"

"ANNE?!?! He DOES have you hostage, doesn't he?" Wilson's tone was vicious…and his words suddenly fell out of his mouth in a fury. "Just tell me where you are; or, better yet, I can have the call traced. I'll have the FBI, CIA, NSA, NAACP, MENSA, PETA," he was starting to get breathless right about here, "PBS, RAF, any other group with that uses letters for names, out there so fast House won't know WHAT hit him. I'll make sure he…"

"Oh for Pete's sake, James!" Anne interrupted him. "House has not held me hostage!"

"Then why are you on his phone?"

"Ummm…" Anne looked at House who just raised his eyebrow. From what she could see, he knew where the conversation was leading. 'Ok, so how am I supposed to answer this?' "Ok, Jimmy, here's the scoop: I just found out that House is my long-lost pen-pal and we're catching up on lost time."

Wilson gasped. "Wait a minute: that's a Housism. You don't use Housisms…you're too good of a person. Either: you are his hostage and he's making you read this from a script scribbled on a hotel napkin; you're boinking him at this very moment; or there's something you're hiding from me. In any case, I WILL call one of those official-sounding-letter-titled groups and House'll be in the slammer…again…so quickly he won't know what hit him."

Anne smiled. She really did love her cousin, so very much. "Why are you calling?"

"Why are you answering?"

She knew he wasn't going to give it up so she sighed and looked at House who was just about to jump off the bed to find out what was happening. He absolutely hated being left out of any conversation, particularly one concerning him. She sighed. "Jim, House finally accepted the fact that I was going to follow him everywhere he went so we decided to ride together. Jim…" Anne's eyes never left House's. "Jim," she repeated, "he's getting worse. He's in constant pain. Can you up his medication?"

"HEY!!!" Now House was mad. She had no right to say that to his doctor. Who does she think she is, anyway?? "You have no right to tell him that!?! Who do you think you are anyway???"

Carefully covering the phone so Jimmy couldn't hear the next part, Anne leaned over to hiss, "I'm your nurse and your WIFE, in case you've forgotten. Jimmy's your doctor; he has to know."

"No he doesn't. I can take care of myself."

Anne was furious with her husband. "And you've done a bang-up job so far. Now shut up and let us grown-ups handle this." She returned to the phone. "Jim, I'm sorry about that. The child was throwing a temper tantrum."

"Well," Wilson ignored this; he was too busy thinking. "I can up his dosage. I didn't have him on a very strong prescription because he was relatively healthy, well, as healthy as he could be, all things considered. Have you examined him?"

"I was just about to when you called. He keeps going on and on about his magnificent physique and how I can't handle it."

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" he yelled.

"Good luck. Call me when you're done and tell me what you think. I'll call in a prescription tomorrow. It's 1 a.m. here…where are you at?"

"Salt Lake City."

"Already? Wow…either he's really sick or he wanted to get out of Vegas fast."

'You have no idea.'

"I'll call you in about 30 minutes. Bye." CLICK. She turned back to House. 'Oh goodie…well, here we go…'

*****