Chapter 35
Castiel ran. Or rather in his mind he ran. He wished he could run in real life, run far away from all the pain and the damage he was sure he'd caused to his little earthly family. Dean in particular, Castiel suspected the hunter already knew of the deed that had been done. But there was nothing the angel could do now, nothing but run some more. He tried to escape Louis' voice that echoed through the darkened caverns of his mind and the fog that shrouded most of it. It felt like poison air every time Castiel pushed through it and he felt as though he was choking. His brain was slowly dying. He could feel his life dying away. But he was still here; he was wandering around in the sess pool of mist, blackened rivers of thoughts and one thundering voice that refused to leave him alone.
Castiel would fight this.
He couldn't just give up when the most valuable things in his life were waiting on him.
He couldn't let them fade away. He couldn't fade away.
Not today.
The angel jumped across a dark inky black river that suddenly grew a hand as he leapt and grabbed him by the ankle. It held on tight and Castiel tumbled to the ground unceremoniously and grunted. He tugged and tried to free his foot from the river's confines and eventually one swift kick caused the river to shriek like a human and release him. It shrunk onto itself and became a river again. Castiel shook his head like he was dreaming and then remembered he truly was before metaphorically tucking tail and continuing to run. He then waved his arms through the poisonous and hefty fog, coughing and his eyes watering so hard they reddened. His skin and lungs burned and he choked on his own breaths. He fell to his knees and only looked up when the fog dissipated and he saw what he'd hoped he wouldn't.
Dean looked down at the angel with disdain and cocked his head ever so slightly. The hunter's hair was a bit messy like he'd just woken up, but his clothes were worn and wrinkled. His jacket was sprayed with deeply embedded blood stains. His jeans were ripped along the kneecaps and his boots were muddy and bloody all the same. His sleeves were rolled up and the Mark of Cain still engraved onto his upper arm skin. In his hand he held a knife and with his other he ran a hand through his own hair before looking back over at Castiel who had managed to stand up.
"They say you're in a coma." Dean's voice was hauntingly eerie.
Castiel couldn't utter a single word as Dean made his way over to him. The hunter stood mere inches from him and smirked before his eyes went as black as the river and his smile grew evil. His knife turned into the First Blade too.
"I say goodnight angel."
Dean thrust his blade towards Castiel and in the time that Castiel could blink he felt a rush of cold air overtake him and Dean's black eyes were gone. Instead he was bleeding from his mouth and gasping for breath as he held his chest where the Blade had gone through and was attached to Castiel's hand. Dean wheezed and his eyes started to run out of life as he stared up helplessly at Castiel. But that wasn't even the most terrifying part. The most terrifying part was that out of all the miserable, shitty, messed up feelings Castiel should've been feeling he found he felt none of them. He felt relief, almost. That was the worst part, the part that scared him most of all.
Dean fell. He fell to the blackened ground and disappeared like a mirage, fear evident in his eyes throughout the entire process and Castiel gasped and backed up, dropping the Blade once it had been done. The Blade disappeared too as did the blood on Castiel's hand, but the angel couldn't help but still feel it oozing between the cracks of his hands and his fingers. He could feel it harden under his fingernails like it was refusing to leave him. Castiel started to back up until he ran into another human's back. Once again he spun around to face Dean, but the hunter wasn't alone.
A black eyed Sam appeared beside him on his left and smirked as evilly as Dean did. Gabriel was Dean's right which Castiel didn't understand. His brother had been dead for years with an exception of Metatron's little lesson, which he could only assume at this point had resurrected him. Gabriel stood head downcast then it moved up, but his wings were the most depressing part of him. They were black like Castiel's and charred and some of the bones were visible. He held a bloodied angel blade in his right hand and stared at Castiel like he was a target. Then a frightening growl came from behind Castiel. He spun around again to see Titan with his teeth bared menacingly, his gray fur as black as Gabriel's wings, and his eyes red instead of their normal yellow. Blood dripped from his jaw and down his muzzle. The Angelhound advanced on Castiel along with the others, their weapons drawn. Castiel was ridden with fear and he begun to run again. His legs ached from all of the sprinting from place to place, but it was a small price to pay from giving in to death.
He saw fire. That was below him as he toppled over the nearby hill away from his new "fan club". Dean, Sam, Gabriel, and Hellhound looking Titan stopped at the edge of the hill upon seeing the flames and Titan let out a spine chilling howl. Castiel grunted as he tumbled towards the blaze below. His back hit it first and he rolled all the way through to the other side of cool ground. The angel screamed. His wings were burning. The flames spread higher and higher on his back and after the smell of burning feathers and flesh assaulted his nostrils he looked up and saw nothing but ghostly white bone that disintegrated before his eyes. His wings were gone. They were gone like a phantom in the wind and Castiel felt another scream pierce through his throat and into the air.
Castiel clenched his stomach. The pain was too intense and it was overtaking him in waves of nausea and extreme cramping and burning. Castiel vomited, turning his head away from the heat and the occupied hill. Somehow he still didn't want his family to see him in such a state. Castiel's shoulder shook and the trench coat stuck to his back in sticky bloody and sweaty mess. Two holes were burned into his back and showed no signs of fast healing. Castiel fell onto his side and whimpered as he heard the echoing laughter of his evil laden family on the hillside and Titan's hellish barking. Castiel's eyes closed and he did the only thing he could think to do. Pray.
"Father," Castiel wheezed out. "Please. I know I don't deserve this. I don't deserve anything from you anymore. But Dean does. Sam does. Hell Gabriel and Titan do too. Your power is great, but you have said that love is the strongest and greatest of all. So I'm asking you now please, let me live. Not for me, but for them and for him. Please Father."
Then, Castiel passed out.
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Dean and Sam both sat on the Impala's bumper sipping beer this time. The radio was playing the unknown radio station again softly and not a single word had been spoken yet. Sam wanted to say something, but he didn't want to seem like he was pissed at Dean and Dean wanted to say something, but he didn't know what to say. They were caught in that awkward part of before a conversation where they both figured it was safer to sip their beers and say nothing rather than say anything at all. Finally Sam spoke.
"Dean we gotta talk about Hell." Sam stated.
"Gee," Dean replied, reaching for another beer. "That sentence sounds familiar."
"I mean it Dean." Sam gave him a look. "We have to or else we'll never move past this."
"Jesus Sammy what is there to move past huh?" Dean started to raise his voice. It was more of a defense mechanism than him being angry. He wanted more than anything to get out of this conversation.
"You left Dean," Sam exclaimed. "You left me alone again! You said this time it would be different! You said we were done lying a-and leaving and—"
"Oh quit your whining," Dean's gruffer voice came out, he clenched his teeth, he was starting to get angry now. "You sound like an unsatisfied housewife!"
"Why should I Dean," Sam was yelling now, he'd also hopped off the hood of the Impala and stood before his brother, empty beer bottle in hand. "Why should I not be mad about what you did?! Give me one good reason I shouldn't huh? C'mon gimmie one! Cuz the last time I checked you were just as mad at me when I took that dive!"
"Now you're being a drama queen." Dean scoffed.
"I'm being a drama queen?" Sam laughed, truly hurt by Dean's comment. "Gee thanks Dean I'm sure it's over nothing much too. Like you being gone for months then suddenly showing up at the bunker door like it's nothing? Like you diving back into Hell in the first place? I'm definitely not angry Dean! I totally didn't have a fricken mental breakdown when you left, I also didn't try every God damn day to get you back, and I certainly didn't drive your precious car into a ditch while I was busy wracking my mind for ways to get you back when I was pretty damn sure myself that you didn't even want to come back!"
With that, Sam gave a kick to Dean's front bumper and that got the elder Winchester up from the car almost immediately. White hot rage was contained behind his eyes.
"Hey! Nobody kicks the car!" Dean exclaimed angrily. He practically growled as he stared knives into Sam's eyes.
"Oh sure Dean you care more about that car than me too I'm sure," Sam was letting it all out now, he wasn't holding back anymore. "Just like you care more about Cas too! It's always been about Cas hasn't it? From the day you met him it has. "Oh Sammy will be fine." That's your motto isn't it? Don't worry about my little brother who might actually give a damn about me? No he'll be fine without me! Is this what it comes down to Dean? Is this what you call a family? Because this isn't what I call a family, this is what dad called one? Leaving for a long time and then just when there was a tendril of hope that he actually cared he tore it away!"
Sam breathed heavily and white hot rage filled him. He threw his bottle and it clipped Dean in the side of his head before smashing into a million pieces onto the wall behind them.
"Screw you Dean," Sam breathed out and his arms fell to his sides. Dean held his head and Sam tried not to cry. God knows he wanted to. "Screw you..."
Dean felt a throbbing in his cheek and just beside his eye socket and he hoped to God he wasn't bleeding on the inside. Sam sure had clocked that bottle at him. He steadied himself and looked at his younger brother. Sam had failed at letting the tears stay locked up. They rained down his face like water on a windshield and Dean felt his heart ache a bit. He stared at the younger Winchester and saw not the man he had become, but the little boy inside that cried out for love. Dean had raised him and he knew that look very well. It was the same mask Sam would wear every single time their dad left. Dean's epiphany fell upon him and he realized he'd become exactly what he'd feared he'd become over the years. His father.
His father was the exact reason Dean had never settled down or had children of his own besides the hunting life. He couldn't imagine screwing up another life much less his own and Sam's. He'd screwed up Sam's so much without realizing it and he felt a single demon of regret was growing inside of him. He wanted to reach out and hug Sam, but he resisted. He needed to heal for one more night. They both did before they really talked. Dean was afraid anything he tried to say now would damage Sam's fragile state even further.
"I'm going to the hospital," Dean calmly explained, walking towards his car. "Tomorrow we're talking. I don't care if we have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya or walk down the lane picking daises and still pretending everything is okay. I don't care what we do. I don't care where we go. But we're talking. But tonight you need sleep and I need clarity."
Dean got into the driver's seat and started up the Impala.
"I'll see you then." Dean said before shutting the door and pulling away and down the road. Sam stared at the back bumper the whole time before it disappeared from view. Sam sighed and went inside, feeling nothing more than this comatose calm and hearing his heartbeat in his ears.
Reviews are appreciated!
So? Trouble in paradise for the boys? Or are they good?
Will Castiel's subconscious give anyone else nightmares or just me?
More to come as soon as I can coherently function. I wanted to give y'all something before I go on my break due to losing some of my wisdom (teeth, lol). Hopefully I won't lose my creativity too. Just kidding.
Until then!