*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you.
The next day Zachary returned home safe and sound. Tessa and Dave were relieved but he was still punished for his stunt. He was told never to do something like that again as they explained how worried and scared they were when he just disappeared. He got grounded for a week which he took without argument. He knew what he did was wrong but he just had to escape from all of the fighting. He was happy to know that John and Dave had settled their differences and that from now on they were going to try to get along better. That is what he wanted; for them all to get along.
After Dave and Tessa gave Zachary his punishment they went downstairs to the living room to relax. Tessa was giving Dave a weird vibe and he knew something was bothering her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said sadly as they sat down on the couch.
"Tess, something is bothering you," he said. "What is it?"
"Nothing, Dave, I don't want to talk about it. I can't talk about it. Not with you."
"You can talk to me about anything," he said wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"No, Dave I can't but the worst part is I don't have anyone else to talk to. I don't have any friends anymore. I lost all my friends because I'm a whore."
"You are not a whore," said Dave. "Why would you say that?"
"Because it's true," she said with a hint of depression in her voice. She would never talk about herself in such a way but lately she felt like she was a horrible person. She didn't think very highly of herself the last few weeks. She wasn't sure why but she just wasn't feeling her normal self. Something was different about her but she wasn't sure what.
"It is not true," said Dave. "Not in the least."
"It is," said Tessa. "Look at me.. I cheated on John with you.. I didn't know who my son's father was. Then after I married you I cheated on you with John. I'm a whore."
"Tess, you're not a whore and I do not like you saying things like that. Stop talking so badly about yourself."
"I can't help it. It's how I feel. I lost all my friends because I'm a whore."
"No, Tess, you're not a whore and you lost friends because they were selfish and they didn't want you to be happy."
"But I'm not happy," she said honestly.
"What? You're not happy we're back together?"
"I'm just not happy in general, Dave. I don't know what it is. I'm just not happy. I want to cry all the time," she said looking at Dave with intensity burning in her deep blue eyes.
"Why do you want to cry all the time?" he asked. He was starting to get concerned. "What is going on, Tessa?"
"I don't know. I just want to cry all the time. I just feel so sad. I have no idea what is going on with me."
"I don't want you to cry all the time. I don't want you to feel like that."
"I don't want to feel like this either but I do. I can't help it," she said with tears filling her eyes.
He looked into her eyes to see the tears forming. "Please, Tess, don't cry. I don't like when you cry. What is wrong with you?"
"Dave, I don't know but it scares the shit out of me. I hate this feeling and I can't get rid of it," she said as tears started to fall from her eyes. "And I don't want to renew our vows. I don't want to have another wedding."
"Why? I thought that was what you wanted."
"It was but who am I going to invite. I don't have anyone but you, Zachary and Scarlet. I have no brothers and sisters, I have no parents and I have no friends. That would just be a waste."
"So renewing our vows would be a waste to you?" asked Dave feeling hurt by her words.
"No.. I don't know… maybe," she said. "I don't know, Dave. I just don't want to do it. Ripping up the divorce papers says enough. I am with you and I am happy about that. I don't plan on leaving you again. We don't need to renew our vows for me to promise you that. I'm promising you now. I am staying with you. I am not leaving you again. I want to be with you. I gave up everything to be with you…. That's how much I want you. That's how much I need to be with you," she said. "I don't want to do it, Dave," she said before tears started falling harder from her eyes.
"All right, Baby, we won't do it. If you don't want to do it we don't have to. Please don't cry about it," he said.
"I can't help it," she said. "I'm an emotional wreck."
"I see that," he said as he softly kissed the top of her head. "What I don't know is why? I mean you have everything you could possibly have. You have two beautiful kids, a loving husband, you are the writer of one of the most popular kid book series, you have it made. You have everything you need. Why so sad?"
"There is one thing I don't have that I want," she said through her sobs.
"Hmm? What is that?" asked Dave pulling her closer to him.
"I want a baby," said Tessa. "I was so excited when I got pregnant because let's face it at my age getting pregnant is a hard task. I was ecstatic. I really wanted that baby. I still do want that baby but I can't have it. I will never have it. I lost it because of Zola."
"So this is about the baby?" asked Dave.
"Yes," said Tessa. "I want a baby. Why do I keep losing babies, Dave? Am I being punished?"
"You're not being punished," he said.
"Then explain to me why I keep miscarrying babies, Dave. I lost ours and I just lost this baby. Why do I keep losing them? Am I not supposed to be a mother? Am I that bad of a mother?"
"You are not a bad mother, Tess, things like this happen."
"Twice?" she asked. "And then I think about how I carried John's and Ryan's child with no problem but I can't even carry my own. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? I just want another baby, Dave," she said before she started crying uncontrollably.
"Tess," he said wrapping both arms around her. He was doing his best to comfort her because he didn't know what else to do. Tessa was always a woman to hold back her emotions. He had never saw her in such disarray let alone in such an emotional state. It was killing him because he didn't know what to do.. He didn't know what to say. He felt there were no words that could comfort her but he was starting to realize that Tessa could be suffering from depression. She has gone through a lot in the last year losing her parents, losing a baby, almost getting divorced and so much more. She had a tough year and Dave believed she had reached her boiling point. "If a baby is what you want we can try for a baby. I have no problem with trying for a baby."
"I thought you were too old," she said as she continued to cry.
"I am too old but if it's something you really want then I'm willing to do it. If you want to have another baby we can try."
"Really?" she asked.
"Really," he said.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," she said. "If you really don't want to do this you don't have to."
"I want to do it because YOU want to do it. I want to make YOU happy. We can try but Tessa I think you should get some type of help."
"Fertility help?" she asked.
"Not fertility help. I am sure you and me can make a baby it seems to happen for us fairly quick.. I'm talking professional help. I am worried about you."
"Why do I need professional help?" she asked feeling offended.
"I'm not trying to offend you. I am worried about you," said Dave. "You are really upset and you don't even know why. I think you're depressed after everything you've been through in the last year. I think it started last year when you cheated on me but I didn't realize it till now."
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Last year after your parents died tragically you went up to West Newbury and ended up sleeping with John. I think that was your way of dealing with the pain. I think you were confused, lost, hurt.. You turned to someone that was your comfort zone while your parents were alive. You went to someone from the past that represented a happier time in your life. I think you were depressed then and the only way you could feel better was to sleep with John."
"But it didn't make me feel better. It made me feel worse. Then you left me which made me feel even worse. I don't' know why I slept with John. I will never understand why I slept with him all I know is it just happened. I wish it didn't but it did. Then getting involved with him I have no idea what I was thinking John is the darkest part of my past. I don't know why I went into the darkness. I don't know, Dave. I don't know why I do what I do."
"Tessa, I think you really should talk to a professional. I think they might be able to help you understand yourself as well as why you do what you do. I think they can help you feel better. And I think losing the baby was what pushed you over the edge. I'm worried about you, Tess. I think you need to go talk to someone maybe get some medication to feel better."
"I don't need medication and I don't need professional help."
"Tess, you do. I think it will help you feel better. I can't do that. I really am worried about you."
"Would you feel better if I talked to someone?"
"Yes I would," he said. "I love you, Tess and I don't want to see you hurting and I don't want to see you cry. I want to see you happy and smiling. Please talk to someone."
"All right," she said. "I will but if you find out I'm one fucked up chick are you still going to be here?"
"I will always be here, Tessa. You know that. You're not fucked up either.. You're just sad because you don't understand things. It's okay," he said. "They will help you."
"All right," she said. "But you'll help me make a baby?"
"It takes two," said Dave with a smile.
"Sometimes it takes one and a tube," she said with a smirk.
"A tube? What kind of stuff is that? I believe in doing it the old fashioned way…."
"Me too," she said with a smile.
"So let's go try it… the old fashioned way… by good old love making."
"Let's go!" she said as she jumped up from the couch before Dave got up after her. She took his hand and led him up to their bedroom where they made love to one another passionately.
*a/n: So what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.