Picking up where we left off, and then I will start time jumps to the end of the pregnancy, leaving us with the birth of the baby very soon =) Almost 200 reviews, so YAY for that. It's nice to know that after 35 chapters...people are still reading. I'm just as anxious as you are to get to lighter and happier chapters(this one includes some lighter moments). Long update for my amazing readers/reviewers who have been bugging me to update haha.
Callie's POV
"He's dead"
I heard the words she has spoken, but am having the hardest time believing them. An hour ago, I was being dragged away by him with a knife to my throat, listening to Arizona's panicked cries for help. I was struggling with the heartbreak of thinking that this was it for me and I had no way out, that I would never see my beautiful Arizona again; and now I am being told, that I'll never have to see him again. Never again will I have to hear him tell me I am worthless, or hear all of the bad names he always called me. I'll never have to be punched or kicked, or slapped across the face. Of all the things I feel at the moment, shock is what I am definitely feeling the most.
As he led be further into the dark, all I could think about was her beautiful blue eyes, and how I would never get to look into them again. That I would never see her smile, or hear her laugh. Thoughts of Arizona holding our daughter raced through my mind, because I was sure that my imagination of these moments was the only thing I would ever have. I had clear visions of Arizona holding our daughter in her arms, rocking her gently; and singing her to sleep, being the amazing mom that I know she is going to be. She has her own doubts about her ability to be a good mother, but I have no doubt in my mind that she will be a great mother. After all, she is Arizona. She's amazing at everything she does. I have seen the way the kids in peds light up when they see her, and I can't wait to see her with our own baby.
A part of me had given up all hope, but Mikey had proven me wrong, by being there. I don't know where he came from or why he was lurking around the area, but I will forever be thankful to him. He has put his own life at risk for all three of us, at one point or another. When Arizona was with him, he had taken many beatings that were meant for her; and let himself get shot, in order to save her life. My only hope is that he will pull through his surgery, so I can thank him, for saving the lives of the two people in this world that I love the most. My future wife, and our first child.
Almost a minute has gone by, and I've finally realized that I have not yet responded to the news I've just been given-nor has Arizona. When I turn to see Arizona's reaction, she has her mouth slightly open in shock as she is unable to form words.
"I'm sorry...what?" I ask in disbelief.
Officer Daniels takes a deep breath, folding her hands in front of her on the table. "We found him not too long after the gunshot was heard. I won't go into details, but he was pronounced dead right away. I know this is a lot to take in, and you're probably very overwhelmed...which is why I won't take up too much of your time...I just have a few questions for you, if you don't mind."
"Of course.." Arizona replies with a slight nod, as I'm momentarily unable to form a response.
She takes my hand in hers for comfort, resting them in her lap under the table.
"First of all.." Officer Daniels trails off, reaching into her pocket. "...I'm not exactly sure if you can tell me who this man is..." she adds, handing me a picture from ATM footage.
"That's his brother...Tony.." I answer her, as my eyes widen slightly in shock. "...you...you don't think he had something to do with this, do you?"
She shrugs slightly. "I am...not quite sure. I do know that there was an argument between them sometime last week, as well as Michael...things were said.."
"What...was said?" I ask.
She averts her gaze to Arizona momentarily, before making eye contact with me again.
"He told Mikey that he wouldn't leave you alone until he was..." Arizona trails off, taking a momentary pause. "...six feet under, as he put it...he said that's the only way he would ever stop." she adds quietly, as we make eye contact.
"Can you tell me what happened tonight?..." Officer Daniels asks me, after jotting down a few notes. "...I know you talked to another officer...I'm just trying to see if I can get a better idea...and after the other night...I have spoken with my fellow officers, and if either of you are needed for anything, I should be the only one talking to you..." she trails off.
I'm almost positive she is referring to her fellow officers request to use me as bait, to lure him into their trap. Whether they would have been prepared or not, there is no guarantee that everything would have gone according to plan. Arizona had apologized for not letting me speak for myself, and I assured her that I was proud of her, for speaking up to protect her family.
"Is this really necessary?.." Arizona asks, as kindly as she can. "...I...we have had so much going on...the stress is not good for her, or my daughter."
"It's okay..." I assure her, before turning my attention back to the officer. "...we left work, just after dark. We were the only ones in the parking lot...it was the employee parking lot...I went to get into the car and he came up behind me when I wasn't paying attention...he grabbed my arm...when I turned around, I tried to move away from him but he came after me and grabbed me from behind...he held a knife to my throat..."
"He told me not to move, or he would hurt her..." Arizona adds, sadly. "...I froze...I didn't know what to do..." she adds, nearly losing her voice at the end. "...I called for help...it was all I could do, I didn't want him to hurt her..."
I give her hand a gentle squeeze, in an attempt to reassure her that she did everything she could. Knowing that she is blaming herself, I need to reassure her-even if it is without words.
When I make eye contact with Officer Daniels once again, she gives a small nod, encouraging me to continue.
"He led me to the edge of the light in the parking lot, and into the dark...I couldn't see well enough to really know where we were going...until we got to the woods, there was a very small amount of light...maybe from a street light. About maybe twenty feet into the woods...he stopped and turned to face me. I still couldn't see well, but I did see...that he was about to stab me in the stomach..and Mikey came out of nowhere. I couldn't see what was happening at all after that...I heard them wrestling around on the ground..and then Mikey told me to get out of there, so I did."
"So, there's no possibility that Michael could have done this?" she asks.
"He was in the parking lot, bleeding from a stab wound.." Arizona informs her. "...he was already getting helped by our friends when the gun went off...I don't think you had arrived yet. Three of the four Officers who were there, ran to see where it came from as soon as it happened."
"and Louis is the one that stabbed him?" she asks.
"I had already Mikey pushed him onto the ground he told me to get out of there...so I did. Just before I reached the light, I heard my friend Derek looking for me. After that...I don't know what happened, but I can only assume that Louis was the one that stabbed him...because he was trying to protect us..." I reply. "...right after Derek brought me to Arizona, Teddy noticed Mikey...and called for help while she helped him put pressure on the wound, to control the bleeding."
She shakes her head slightly. "...I've seen a lot of crazy things in my day on the force...but I have never seen anything like this, or met anyone quite like Michael..."
"He really is a good person...he's different, but...he is kind hearted..." I interrupt her, sharing a slight knowing smile with Arizona. "...he's given all three of us a chance to live, and he barely knows us. He saved her life, and now he saved mine...ours"
"I wanted to ask you..." Arizona trails off, giving me a slight look of apology before turning back to the officer. "...did you ever find out what happened with Lisa?"
The officer nods. "Yes I do. She was supposed to be tried and sentenced in Massachusetts. That is until Michael came through with new information, evidence that allowed us to keep her here...without jurisdiction becoming an issue. She was found guilty on all counts, and was sentenced to fifteen years in a womens correctional facility. She won't be able to get out until her time is served, and when she gets out...she will have to go through certain treatments and anger management programs...do community service, and...if anything comes up, there will be a new restraining order issued. Fifteen years is a long time for her to think about what she did...so I don't think you will have any problems with her, and I am hoping that this will finally be the end of your trying times...and that you can begin to move on with your life. I hope you find the peace and happiness that you deserve...both of you."
"Thank you..." Arizona replies softly. "...I think...we're going to be okay" she adds, giving my hand a gentle squeeze under the table.
Addison enters the apartment, awkwardly stumbling to a stop when she notices that we have company.
"I'm sorry..I was just...well I..." she trails off, looking at me with pleading eyes. "...are you okay?...is...the baby okay?"
"It's quite alright.." Officer Daniels replies, with a small smile. "...I'm finished here any way"
"She's fine...I am fine...we're both fine" I answer Addison, though I am not being totally honest-which, judging by her facial expression, she knows.
I haven't felt her move at all. Between Addison and Arizona, who constantly ask me questions about fetal movement, I knew that I would have to face the reality sooner or later. When I look to Arizona, we share an equally concerned facial expression, before she shifts her gaze down to my stomach-fearing that keeping eye contact, would cause her to lose control of her emotions. The exchange doesn't go un noticed by Officer Daniels, causing her to get up out of her chair.
"Do what you need to do. I understand..." she offers kindly, cutting me off before I can stop her from leaving. "...I may or may not have a few more questions at some point, but for now...I will let you get some rest. In the meantime if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to give me a call."
"Thank you" Arizona replies, while my only response is a simple nod.
When she exits the front door, I avoid making eye contact with both of them. While I am not looking directly at either of them, I can feel their eyes on me-as they both wait for me to say something.
"When was the last time you felt her move?" Arizona asks.
When I finally make eye contact with Addison, she momentarily looks down at the ground before making eye contact again.
"Not since this morning..." I reply, avoiding eye contact with either of them. "...Teddy dropped something and it made a loud noise and she jumped a little...I think that's the last time I felt her move..she hasn't moved at all since...you know..."
"Calliope..." Arizona says softly, as her voice cracks up a little at the end. "...why didn't you tell me?" she asks, when I finally make eye contact. "...are you sure she's okay?"
"I'm sure she's fine..." I assure her, bringing her hand to my lips and placing a light kiss on the back of it, before letting it go. "...be right back..."
When she doesn't follow me to the bedroom, I close the door behind me and release a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. Relief washing over me at the thought that I will never have to see Louis again, but fear returning when I realize why I just walked away from Arizona. I walked away from her, because I can't look her in the eyes at this very moment. The thought of being a mother to our little girl is one of the few things that brings a smile to her face, in her recent times of struggle. How am I supposed to tell her that I haven't felt much movement. Along with the possibility that something is wrong, there is always the possibility that I am too stressed out because of everything that has happened, that I've become paranoid all over again-which is probably the more likely of the two. I know that babies have quiet days where they are less active, but even after the first two times I saw Louis, she was moving. This time, she hasn't moved at all since I saw him.
She enters the bedroom, and immediately makes her way over to me; placing her hands on the bed on either side of me, as she kneels on the floor in front of me. Looking me in the eyes, she carefully lifts my shirt up.
"Arizona..."
"Are you sure she's okay?..." she asks, feeling around for movement. "...he didn't hit you again...did he? I will never forgive myself if he hurt you, I can't believe I..."
"I'm sure she's okay. She's probably just having a quiet day...and please, stop.." I tell her softly. "...he didn't hurt me. We are both okay, we're right here with you...where we belong."
She begins placing light kisses on various areas of my rounded stomach. When she stops she places one hand on my stomach, and I gently slide my hand on top of hers.
"Hi, my little angel..." she says softly, with her face just two inches from my belly. "...it's your mom again...I love you so much and I can't wait to meet you. I can't imagine my life without you, because you have already stolen my heart...and you're not even here yet. I need you to be okay for me, so if you could...give me a little kick to let me know that you are okay..."
Starting to feel very light movement, I remove my hand from on top of hers and bring it to the other side of my stomach.
"Keep talking..." I tell Arizona, as she looks at me questioningly. "...keep talking to her...I think she's starting to respond to your voice..."
"Come on...my sweet baby girl..." she says softly, before placing another light kiss on my stomach. "...that's my girl..." she chuckles, followed by a sigh of relief, as we feel a few big kicks. With a single tear of joy and relief rolling down her cheek, she brings her free hand to rest beside her other hand. "...I can't wait you meet you angel. You're going to have more love than you know what to do with, and because I know you're going to look exactly like your mom, I will probably spoil you, because I won't ever be able to say no to you..."
"We love you baby girl..." I add, as our now intertwined hands rest on my stomach. "...we can't wait to see your sweet face for the first time, and hold you. You're not even born yet, and already...you are loved so, so much...by everyone. Your Auntie Addison has a bedroom for you at her house, and has bought you so many clothes that I am running out of places to put everything...and Uncle Mark bought you some new stuff for your room...your mommy, talks to you every morning while she thinks that you and I are still sleeping. We can't wait to meet you, but please...don't come out until you're ready."
"I think I am going to go to the hospital..." Arizona says, looking up at me. "...I just want to see if Mikey is okay. I called his girlfriend right after it happened, she was going to catch a flight as soon as she could...but I don't want him to wake up alone. You can stay home and rest if you want..." she adds, as I help her into a standing position.
"I know this may sound a bit ridiculous..." I trail off, as she now helps me stand up. I bring a hand up to her cheek, wiping away the tear streak with my thumb. "...but after what just happened...I don't care where we are...I just want to be with you."
"I love you Calliope..." she replies, in a slightly shaky voice as she carefully wraps her arms around me. "...I don't know what I would have done...if..."
"Shhhh we're okay..." I assure her, softly rubbing her lower back. "...this has been one hell of a night...well, one hell of a month...but it's over now, all of it."
"We're going to be okay, you and I..." she says softly, placing gentle kisses on my neck. "...and our little angel"
Addison knocks softly on the door three times, before cracking it open. "Hello, overly nervous godmother and OBGYN here...Is she okay?" she asks, waving her hands around.
"She is..." Arizona replies, softly rubbing my stomach. "...kicking away for me tonight"
"Thank god..." Addison sighs, as she fully enters the bedroom. "...I'll say this not only as your doctor, but also as your friend...you really need to take it easy from now on. I mean, really easy...go to work until your maternity leave starts...but come right home every night, and get as much rest as you can. For whatever reason...you have been given something so precious, and you need to hold on to that. It's...a miracle that she's made it this far."
"That's what she is..." Arizona replies, as we share a small smile. "...our miracle"
Two Hours Later...
General POV
Callie and Arizona sit in the waiting room for news on Mikey's surgery. Owen has sent Meredith out with periodic updates, and now they wait for the final bit of news. They see a distraught looking young women approaching them with a half asleep toddler in her arms.
"You must be Megan?..." Arizona asks, as she stands up to greet her, kindly extending her hand. "...I'm Arizona...and this is my girlfriend Callie."
"I am...it's very nice to meet you both..." the young women replies, gently shaking both of their hands. "...this is my daughter Chloe..." she adds, using her free hand to brush stray hairs out of the young girls face as she turns her around slightly to face them. "...can you say hi baby girl? this is your daddy's friend."
"I want daddy" the toddler replies sadly, rubbing the sleep from her tired eyes.
Meredith cautiously approaches the area, as they look over Megan's shoulder.
"This is Mikey's...girlfriend Megan...and his daughter, Chloe" Arizona informs Meredith. "...is he okay?"
"He's going to be fine..." Meredith assures them. "...the knife he was stabbed with was not long enough to do any severe damage...he did lose a lot of blood, because of the way the knife was removed but he's okay...we were able to control the bleeding. The reason why it took us longer than expected was because we discovered that he was bleeding internally. Dr. Bailey did the repair with no complications...he is out of surgery, stable for now...he's not awake yet but he should be waking up soon."
"Can I see him now...?" Megan asks. "...I want to be there when he wakes up."
"Of course..." Meredith replies kindly. "...I can take you to his room"
"My brother flew in from Phoenix with me...I just have to call him and have him meet me here, so he can watch Chloe. I would like a few minutes with him before she see's him." Megan replies.
"We can watch her..." Callie offers. "...if you want...I mean...we're staying here for a little while. If you would be okay with her staying with us, we would have no problem with it."
"What do you think baby?..." Megan asks the small child. "...can you stay here for a few minutes and be a good girl for me?"
With a slight nod, Chloe turns herself around in her mother's arms, reaching out for Arizona. Arizona takes the small child in her arms, surprised at how comfortable she is with someone she has just met.
"Hi Chloe..." the blonde says softly, giving the child a dimpled smile. "...my name is Arizona, and this is Callie..." she tells her, pointing to her girlfriend. "...you can stay with us for a little while and then we will take you to see your daddy, okay?"
"Thank you so much, I really appreciate it..." Megan tells them, following a small smile from Chloe. "...please be good for them okay? I love you." She tells Chloe, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek, before Meredith leads her to Mikey's room.
Arizona helps her pregnant girlfriend sit down, before taking the seat next to her, settling Chloe on her lap.
"baby in there?" Chloe asks, reaching for Callie's stomach.
"Yes there's a baby in there" Arizona chuckles.
"That's my little girl in there" Callie says, bringing a hand to her stomach.
The two women share a smile as the toddler gently pokes Callie's stomach, mumbling to herself. Their smiles fade as Callie notices the troubled look on Chloe's face. She turns herself around and looks at Arizona. The blonde's first thought is how much she looks like Mikey. She has his eyes, and most of her facial features resemble his. The only difference is her blonde hair, that she got from her mother.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" the blonde asks, noticing the toddlers pained facial expression.
"Where's my daddy?" she asks sadly, before starting to cry. "...I want my daddy"
"Come here..." Arizona replies softly, turning the small girl around. Chloe stands on her lap for a second before wrapping her arms around Arizona's neck and resting her head on her shoulder. Arizona sits up straighter, gently rocking the crying girl back and fourth."...Shhh...it's okay, it's okay..." she soothes her. "...you are going to see him very soon...I promise."
"I want my daddy" she says again, once her crying subsides.
Arizona continues whispering soothing words, with Chloe's head still resting on her shoulder. Callie watches her interactions with Chloe, and smiles, looking forward to the day when she can see her girlfriend like that with their own child. When Arizona moves slightly, readjusting herself in the chair, Chloe grips her shirt and whines. Once she leans back in the chair, Arizona continues softly rubbing the child's back as she drifts off into a peaceful slumber. When she looks toward Callie, she is met with a pair of adoring brown eyes and a dreamy smile.
"I can't wait to see you like this with our little girl" Callie says, gently brushing Chloe's cheek with her thumb.
Arizona smiles at the thought, that she will soon be a mother. Something that she never knew for sure she wanted, that is now something she has never been more sure of. The two women enter a comfortable silence as Chloe sleeps peacefully in Arizona's arms. There is something about the blonde, that makes all children love her. They are drawn to her, and love being around her. Chloe, who is normally shy, has found the comfort she has needed.
Meanwhile, Megan sits by Mikey's bed. She gently holds his hand in both of hers, as she tries to hold back her tears. She thinks back over everything that has happened between them, and how awful she had treated him. She took his daughter away from him, only giving him the chance to see her when it was convenient for her, which was not too often.
During her conversation with Arizona over the phone, she was told what happened to the blonde, and how Mikey had saved her. How he had nearly gotten himself killed, to save her life; and then done the same thing, to save her pregnant girlfriends life. As Mikey slowly wakes up, he feels a familiar hand holding his. When his eyes finally flutter open, he can't believe what he is seeing.
"Megan...?" he chokes out dryly. "...what are you doing here?"
"Arizona called me..." she replies, reaching over to get a cup of water for him. When he takes a sip, she sets the cup back on the small table and holds his hand again. "...I need to say something, and I need you to listen...I know you just woke up from surgery, so you don't have to talk...but please, please hear me out..." she pleads.
"Okay" he replies softly.
"I was...so horrible to you, so horrible...for that I will never forgive myself. Every day Chloe asks me where her daddy is, and why she can't see him and...I never know what to tell her, because how do I tell her that it's my fault?...I listen to her cry, and I hate myself for it...every time someone pulls in the drive way, she runs to the couch...to look out the window, hoping it's you...and it kills me every time I see the look on her face, when she realizes it's not you..."
"Megan.." he protests.
"I was wrong about you..." she interrupts him, as her voice breaks up. "...you are nothing like your father. I know that I have never told you that you are a good person, so I am telling you now...and incase I have never said it enough, I do love you. Your daughter needs you, and I need you...so I guess what i'm trying to say is...that I hope you can forgive me, so we can be a family again. "
"Of course I forgive you..." he replies, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "...but where is all this coming from?"
"Arizona..." she says softly. "...she called to tell me what happened to you...I asked her how she knew you, and she...told me everything..."
"She couldn't have..." he interrupts her, blinking hard. "...what she went through was worse than you could ever imagine..."
Nearly fifteen minutes later, they are both crying as he finishes telling the whole story. He had been able to contain his emotions until he got to the part of the story, surrounding the events of the second night that she was with them. Jack had beaten her so much while trying to rape her, that it knocked the wind out of her. He remembers every detail of that night specifically, because it was the first time that he and Arizona had talked about their brothers. After Mikey fought with Jack to keep him away from her, he left the room; leaving her on the floor bleeding, crying and gasping for air.
Mikey kneeled on the floor with her that night, cleaning her face with a wet cloth as she was slowly able to catch her breath again. Wanting to comfort her and not knowing what else to do, he had carefully taken her in his arms and held onto her while she cried. Once her crying subsided, he spent the night on the floor with her so that she would feel safe. Neither of them were able to sleep much, and opted for talking instead. He re-lived every moment of those three days through words. Things he had has not yet dealt with, that plague his mind. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night from bad dreams. He has not been able to get the sound of her cries for help, out of his head.
"You saved her..." Megan says, breaking the silence. Wiping her tears away, she looks down at their intertwined hands. "...you saved all of them...and almost got yourself killed...twice"
"Oh good, you're awake..." Meredith says softly as she enters the room. "...how are you feeling? any pain?" she asks.
"Where are they?..." he asks, avoiding her questions. "...are they okay?"
"They're...okay...they're in the waiting room..."
"Can you get them for me...please?" he asks kindly, needing to see for himself.
When Meredith exits the room, Dr. Bailey comes in to check his stats and adjust pain medication. Until it was mentioned, his physical pain was the last thing on his mind.
"Where's Chloe?" Mikey asks.
"She's here...in good hands..." Megan assures him with a small smile. "...she um...she's been asking for you...non stop. She misses you so much...and it's my fault. I never should have taken her away from you...if you choose not to forgive me, I will understand. If you choose not to give me another chance, I will accept it...but, I need you...to be in her life."
"You're the mother of my child..." he says softly, giving her a crooked but genuine smile. "...of course I forgive you...I told you that I did, and I meant it, and yes...I will give you another chance..."
Callie and Arizona enter the room quietly, Arizona holding a still sleeping Chloe in her arms. At the sight of his daughter, Mikey tries to hold back a fresh batch of tears that threaten to escape. Arizona slowly approaches his bed, turning around slightly so that Mikey can see his daughters face.
"Wake up baby girl" Megan whispers, brushing stray hairs out of her daughters face.
Chloe starts to stir slightly, as Arizona moves the tiny hand that was once gripping her shirt, away from her face. Chloe's eyes flutter open, and for a moment, she keeps her head resting on Arizona's shoulder. Once she begins to wake up a little more, she suddenly realizes that the scenery around them has changed. Lifting her head up slightly, she looks around in confusion. Her eyes eventually land on Mikey.
"Whose that?" Arizona asks her excitedly.
"daddy..." Chloe says sleepily, reaching down for him. "...my daddy"
"Be gentle with daddy, he's hurt" Megan tells Chloe, as Arizona carefully lowers her onto the bed, on his non injured side.
"hi daddy..." she mumbles, as Callie and Arizona help her settle down in his bed beside him. "...daddy no cry...I right here" she adds, reaching up to touch his face.
"I missed you baby girl..." Mikey says, kissing the top of his daughters head. "...I love you so much"
"I love you daddy" Chloe replies with a cheeky grin, hoisting herself up to kiss his cheek.
Arizona smiles as she watches him interact with his daughter, after he went through six long months of not seeing her. She remembers the conversations he had with her about his daughter, and how much he missed her.
"Are you okay?..." he asks Callie, after Chloe lays down with him, resting her head on his shoulder. "...is your baby okay?"
"She is...kicking the crap out of me tonight..." Callie chuckles, resting a hand on her stomach. "...thank you, for saving us...I don't know how you knew where to be, but thank you...so much."
"I was on my way to warn you...I can't say much, little ears listening.." he chuckles, referring to Chloe. "...but I was on my way to tell you to watch out...I knew he was going to be there, because he told me he was...and he told me what he was going to do...he didn't hurt you did he?"
Callie shakes her head 'no', while Arizona reaches down to gently grasp his arm. "Thank you" the blonde tells him softly, her voiced filled with emotion.
"For what?" he asks.
"Giving me back my family" she says softly, using her free hand to reach back and take Callie's hand in hers. "...I...don't know...what I would have done.."
"I should be thanking you" he protests, giving her a genuine smile.
"For..." she asks, raising an eye brow in confusion.
"For giving me back my family"
Two Weeks Later...
Arizona's POV
Over the last two weeks, I have continued to experience the 'normal' aftermath for victims of sexual assault. Everything from flashbacks and nightmares, to sadness/anger and irritability. I have had flashbacks so detailed, that It's almost like I was there again. It's been a combination of ups and downs. The only thing that has carried me through, is Calliope's never ending love and support. She continues to amaze me, just like she always has.
She is by my side through everything, and has put up with a lot in the process. There have been days where I have unintentionally snapped at her. Instead of taking it the wrong way and making me feel bad, she remains patient and understanding.
If anything, the last month and a half has brought us closer together and made us stronger as a couple. The only thing that is missing, is the intimacy we once shared. Since everything has happened, we have not made love. I miss her gentle and loving touch. The way she makes love to me is unlike anything I have ever felt. Every time she makes love to me, she makes me feel even more beautiful. She has always made me feel needed, and truly wanted, instead of used.
I have gotten back into the routine of every day life as a doctor, and have often used work to distract myself from everything else. After having gone to therapy the first four months that we were here, I wasn't certain that I would ever go again. That was until I lived through three of the most painful and terrifying days of my life. I never wanted to have to go back, but have done so now, because I know it is what's best for me.
Twenty minutes before our alarm clock will go off, I lay awake as Calliope sleeps peacefully in my arms. Our daughter has already gotten a head start on her daily kicks, as I feel her kicks beneath my hand, which is resting on Callie's stomach.
"good morning baby girl..." I say softly, after propping my head up with one hand. "...try not to wake your mommy up...she needs her rest...you will be here next month, and we are both so excited. Your Aunt Teddy and I painted your room yesterday, after spending the day shopping for you. I can't believe that I am going to say this, because you can't even understand me...but I will say it any way. As you grow up, you will probably hear stories about how I never wanted children...which was true, until I met your mommy. I never want you to think that I didn't want you, because I did. You are what I needed...you have given me the strength to keep going, and something to look forward to. Everything I do is for you, so that you can know what it's like to be loved and adored. You are what saved me, my angel...and for that, I thank you..."
My speech is cut short, by the sound of quiet sniffles.
"You and your speeches..." Callie mumbles sleepily. "...and these damn hormones...either I am overly emotional, or that was really beautiful...probably both."
"Good morning, my beautiful girlfriend..." I greet her with a smile, and soft kiss on the cheek. "...how are you feeling this morning?"
"Very big..." she groans. "...it's getting harder to move. I can't do anything anymore..." she adds, as I help her sit up. She reaches over to turn the alarm clock off, since we are already awake. "...are you showering first this morning?"
"Umm...actually I was...well, I was..." I trail off nervously, fidgeting with the comforter. "...I was wondering, if you would...shower with me..." I ask, finally bringing my eyes up to meet hers. "...please...I just want to be close to you. You barely even look at me anymore...and I want...I need you to, I need to feel like you still want me."
"I will always want you..." she assures me, softly stroking my cheek with her thumb. "...I'm sorry...I was just trying to be respectful of your privacy. I didn't want you to feel...violated all over again. I know that you still have a lot of bad memories about what happened to you, and the last thing I want to do, is make you remember anything any of those things."
"I know, and I love how you care so much about me..." I reply. I take her hand in mine, placing a light kiss on the back of it. "...you're amazing and you have done so much for me. But, I need to take steps forward, being naked together is a step...and i'm not saying we have to do anything right now, because I know that I am not ready...but at some point, I am going to want you to make love to me again..."
"Okay..." she replies softly. "...but please promise me that you will tell me if you feel uncomfortable."
"I promise"
Within five minutes, we are in the bathroom with the door locked, and the shower on. Once she steps in the shower, I remove my own clothes before getting in with her. I cautiously step into the shower, with one arm across my chest, gripping the upper part of my other arm, using my other hand to cover my front.
"Don't be embarrassed..." she says, slowly reaching out for me. "...you're perfect." She looks into my eyes, while I slowly uncover myself. She gently rests her hands on my hips, as she gives me a questioning look, to which I respond with a small nod. Her eyes scan my body for a moment before she slowly leans forward, careful not to startle me. She trails light kisses across my chest and up to my neck. "...you're so beautiful baby" she murmurs against my skin.
She steps out of the way, allowing me to stand under the hot water. I turn around so that my back is to her, as the water runs over my body. I reach behind me for her hands, placing them on my hips. When she places kisses over various areas of my back, where remnants of my injuries are, I momentarily tense under her touch. I try and remind myself that it's her behind me and not him. That her mouth is on my body and not his.
"It's okay, it's just me..." she says softly. I rest my hands on top of hers, gently grasping them as they rest on my hips. "...I would never hurt you my love. You will be safe with me always."
"Will you wash my back?..." I ask. "...I want to remember what it's like to feel your hands on me. I want the memory of you touching me."
After squirting a small amount of body wash into the palm of my hand, I hand her the bottle. As I begin washing my front, she gently smoothes the body wash over my shoulders and back, stopping at my lower back. Taking her by surprise, I reach behind me for her hands and bring them to my breasts. I keep my hands on top of hers, as she softly palms my breasts and kisses my neck while murmuring words of love and comfort against my neck, in between kisses. She eventually brings one of her hands down to my stomach, rubbing soft circles and then slowly trails her fingertips up my side. To my surprise as well as hers, I am able to relax instead of tense, under her touch. The feeling of her soft hands on my body, is something that I have missed. I let her wash my hair, in order to continue being able to feel the familiarity of her tender touch.
"Thank you for being so gentle with me..." I tell her, turning around to face her.
"I will always be gentle with you, because you are precious to me, my love. Thank you for trusting me..." she replies softly. "...and even wanting to look at me" she chuckles, gesturing to her pregnant stomach.
"Stop being so self conscious..." I tease her. Resting a hand on her stomach, I slowly begin closing the gap between us. "...you're beautiful...you're having a baby...my baby, and to me...there is nothing more beautiful than that." I add, before my lips meet hers.
Following a brief make out session under the spray of hot water, we return to our bedroom to get dressed.
"We have to leave a few minutes early today.." she informs me. "...I have an appointment with Addison this morning...once a week now...until this little one decides to come out."
"Are you okay?" she asks, following a few minutes of silence.
"I'm perfect..." I reply, giving her a reassuring smile. "...I know it sounds silly, but...I just needed to know that you still want me, and find me beautiful. Thank you, for making me feel wanted, needed...and most importantly, loved."
"It's not silly..." she assures me, with a slight chuckle. "...I will always find you beautiful, and I will always want you, mkay? and...you're very welcome, my love."
"I love you"
"I love you too..." she replies, giving me a quick kiss before we leave the bedroom. "...ready to go see our baby girl?"
"Of course I am"
Today, I feel more bold and confident then I have in weeks. Every day, I take small steps towards a full recovery, with her by my side every step of the way.
To Be Continued...
So, this was a pretty long read. Sorry for that...it was setting up a few future happenings. Next up we have more Callie/Arizona moments(good ones) some Addison/Arizona, and some other stuff. I will try updating soon, as people seem to ask a lot lately for updates. I don't mind, it motivates me. You're all awesome for reviewing/favoriting. Thank you, hope you enjoy.