AN: I quite enjoy writing about Gwen's exile, I think it was a very interesting twist in the series and allows for different ideas of what happened between 4x09 and 4x11. This song is from Les Miserables and is sung by Eponine as she laments the fact that her love for Marius will never be returned due to his love for Cosette.

Gwen wrapped her bare arms around herself as she made her way through the woods. Her leg was aching, her stomach was clenched, her teeth were chattering with cold but her mind was like a fire; the knowledge of what had happened over the past day or two was rampaging around her head. Being kidnapped by Helios, Morgana's arrival and revelation about her plans and Agravaine, escaping, running through the woods, Morgana finding her and turning her into a doe, almost getting killed by Arthur (again), that brief, wonderful reunion with Merlin and now her walk alone back to the village to scavenge any of her belongings before heading to Ealdor. Something was about to happen to Camelot, to Arthur but she'd done all she could. She'd passed the information to Merlin and he left her. She was alone again. She'd gotten used to that over the past few weeks.

"And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here." Gwen sang to herself as she wrapped her arms around her almost bare waist tighter. Even though it had been good to see Merlin; their meeting left a worst ache in her chest than not seeing him. She just felt so homesick; for Elyan, Merlin, Gaius, the knights and of course Arthur. She just missed them all so much. She missed Arthur so much.

"Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head," Gwen sang, she often would walk around at night. After one of their escapades she would slip off at night just to take in the night air, the peace and quiet and be grateful she was still there and able to do it. Nowadays she used her night walks as a form of escapism. She would hug herself, close her eyes and imagine that she was back in Camelot. She and Arthur had sneaked out for a midnight meeting in the woods and if she opened her eyes right now, he'd be standing there.

But he never was.

"On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me." Gwen claimed as she made her way deeper into the woods, keeping to the shelter of the trees, always on alert in case she stumbled across any of Helios' men or worse Morgana. Something told her that Morgana wouldn't be pleased to discover her latest attempt to kill Gwen had failed. As she walked, the sky began to drizzle rain, it wasn't heavy but it was noticeable but she didn't mind, there were worse things than the rain.

"In the rain the stones shine like silver
The moonlight is misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my head
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know to him I'm dead
Still I say, there's a way for us." Gwen claimed sadly. In the end all of that was just a dream. What she and Arthur had was gone and could never come back. How could it? She betrayed him with Lancelot the night before they were to be married. She couldn't exactly walk back to Camelot; not unless she wanted to die and her exile meant she was as good as dead to them all anyway. Yet the world does work in mysterious ways. Maybe, just maybe, fate was still to play another hand. Big 'maybe'.

"I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers." It was almost dawn by the time Gwen had reached the village. She'd walked all night without stopping but had reasons to keep going. She was alive, she had somewhere almost familiar to go to and there was a chance that if she got to Ealdor, Merlin would visit, maybe even bring Elyan or Gwaine with him. the village had been mainly ransacked and the people were able to rebuild and continue with their lives. It was so different to Camelot, she barely knew any of them. Ignoring their stares, Gwen arrived at the small farm and packed up some clothes, money and food into a sack, fetched her sword from under her bed (just in case), bade farewell to the people who allowed her to stay and set off on her own for Ealdor.

"I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known." Gwen claimed as she thought Camelot and Arthur once again. Their lives always had been too different. Arthur deserved someone better, who would make him happy, who would never do what she did. Besides the life of a queen wouldn't have suited her. All that lazing about all day doing nothing, bossing people around just wasn't her. being a queen wasn't like being a king, it was undoubtedly very boring. Even though Arthur had always said that if she were queen, her duties would be more essential for the kingdom; helping with the council, being a voice for the people, they used to joke she'd also be a warrior queen too. It would have been good. All that could have been. She couldn't lie to herself and say she didn't love Arthur anymore. Denial was not something she was good at.

"I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own." Gwen claimed as she continued down the dirty and muddy track to Ealdor. With the news of Morgana's attack and Merlin now aware that Agravaine was the traitor, she didn't know what was about to happen. But if by some miniscule, minute chance that Arthur or any of the others sought her help; she'd be there in a heartbeat. If she needed to risk her life or lose it defending or fighting for Arthur, Elyan, Merlin or Camelot then she would. She'd do anything for them.

Because in the end, that's what you do when you love someone.

AN: Next up is a companion piece for this wherein Arthur wonders just where Gwen is.