You, Always You

Alternate Universe - Canon

Arthur sensed something was wrong the moment he walked into Gaius room. It was dark, not a single light burning, and he had to grope around to found something to light some candles. As the candlelight brighten the room, a little gasp escaped him, seeing Merlin sitting on a chair - half naked and his shoulder patched up.

"Bloody hell...Merlin, what happened to you?", Arthur asked as he rushed to his Court Sorcerer, placing one hand on Merlin's good shoulder, the other on his cheek. "Are you okay?"

Merlin kept staring ahead, ignoring Arthur completely. The King pulled his hands back.

"Merlin, you're scaring me. Damn what happened? Who patched you up? Gaius?"

The Sorcerer finally snapped out of his retrieve and looked at Arthur. His eyes were still distant and cold.

"No. I-myself."

"You patched up yourself? Why didn't you call after Gaius? Okay, let me just have a look at that…"

Arthur started to pull the bandage aside when Merlin slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine, Arthur." he said.

Clenching his fists the King stepped back.

"Sure", Arthur said. "You're fine. You're always - Fine. Because you're 'The Greatest Sorcerer Who Walks The Earth'. You don't need anyone."

Another step back.

"You don't allow yourself to feel anything. So why even bother asking how you are."

Another step.

Arthur stood there for a while, silent. Merlin looked away and for a moment he wondered if he might actually had hurt his Court Sorcerer. Apparently though there was nothing to hurt and Merlin had nothing to say, so the King turned and started to walking away.

"She stood right there."

Arthur turned back. Merlin was looking at him blinking as if surfacing from underwater. The King walked towards him, encouragingly.

"Morgana, she stood right there and...and pointed a blade at me. And then she stabbed me. I...I don't know why she didn't kill me. But she didn't...didn't say anything. She just waited for me here and then she stabbed me and…"

Merlin looked away again and Arthur itched to touch him, hug him and soothe him.

"Merlin…", he said instead.

Merlin's eyes were full of sorrow and he looked like he was about to cry. No, he already was watering up.

"I keep thinking...I keep thinking that if I died here...I could have died here and I would have been alone and that made me realize I don't want to die alone Arthur...I don't want to die alone…"

Merlin's hand lingered midair, unsure whether to touch the King or not. That was all the permission Arthur needed. The Sorcerer's hands hovered in the air a little longer before they settled down on the King's back, pressing Arthur closer to him.

"You are not going to die alone, Merlin."

"I am sorry. I am so sorry, Arthur. I have been such an ass lately."

The King pulled away a little to look at his Court Sorcerer. Arthur was oddly aware of his hands cupping Merlin's face and the way his thumb rested on his cheekbone. At the same time Arthur couldn't have cared less.

"You're lucky it's not too late for apologies yet."

Merlin pulled the King into a hug again. Arthur's thumb stroked Merlin's cheek absently, smearing his tears in the process. Arthur sniffed, realizing for the first time he was tearing too. Arthur tightened the hug and Merlin winced.

"Your shoulder, sorry", the King said while letting go. "You sure that it's alright?"

Arthur was already dabbling with the bandage again and Merlin placed his hands over the King's.

"It'll be fine, promise."

Merlin stared at the King and Arthur held his gaze, his thumb still caressing Merlin's cheek, their hands intertwined. And then Arthur kissed him, to his surprise Merlin kissed him back, cupping the King's face with both his hands. They poured everything that had gathered in the past months into the kiss: longing, desperation, pain and fear. They kissed, broke apart to breathe and then collided again, trying to say so many things at the same time. Arthur smiled content and Merlin smiled back, but his eyes were asking for more.

It took Arthur only a moment to make that decision. He took Merlin's hand and led him across the room towards the Sorcerer's bedchamber, pushing him softly on the small bed there. Arthur sitting on top of Merlin they started kissing again. The King wound his hands through the Sorcerer's hair and Merlin's hands wandered down and under Arthur's tunic. Merlin tried to lift it and the King felt him wince a little.

"Here, let me do it…", Arthur whispered.

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist, pulling him closer and kissed a delicious trail down the King's neck, suckling at his pulse point. Arthur arched up moaning, his mouth was on Merlin's again and his hands slipped beneath the waistband of Merlin's breeches.

"What do you need?" Arthur whispered softly against Merlin's lips.

"You, always you."