Maura held the file tight in her hand as she rode the elevator up to the homicide division. Stipling had offered to come upstairs with her, but she knew if he did Jane would wonder what he was doing there. In this case though Maura wanted Jane as far away as possible when she presented this to Cavanuagh.
She knew Jane would need to know about it at some point, but if she merely showed this to Jane then she knew Jane would go straight for Crowe. If Crowe was indeed involved then they needed whatever information he had.
When she stepped into the detective bureau she stopped in her tracks. Crowe was there speaking with Jane and Frost. She realized that Crowe was actively involved in the investigation into Penny's death and that was most likely why they were all speaking together. The idea that Crowe could be involved was not something she had gotten a chance yet to really consider. All she knew when was Stipling handed her that file that Cavanaugh needed to know this information now.
"Maur," Jane said, knocking her out of her stupor. "Everything ok?"
Jane was coming toward her. "Yes," Maura said, giving her a small smile. "I just came up to give a file to Cavanaugh."
"Something to do with Penny?"
"No," Maura said, internally thanking that it wasn't quite a lie. She had no idea if this new information had anything to do with Penny's death. Jane was still looking at her with concern and she knew she had to assuage any lingering doubt Jane had or else Jane would keep questioning and Maura would be unable to keep the truth from her. "Have you learned anything new?"
"No. Penny's father is coming in tomorrow to talk but that is about it. I can't tell you how frustrating it is not to be allowed to be lead on this."
"I'm sure it is," Maura said. "But we can't risk any perception of evidence or the investigation being tainted."
"I know."
"How about tonight we get a to-go order from that place you love that sells the unusually large cheeseburgers?"
"Are you trying to take my mind off of all of this through food?"
"Maybe."
"Ok, but we're getting chili cheese fries too."
Jane gave her a smile and Maura excused herself and headed for Cavanaugh's office.
…..
"So Jane was never able to actually connect Mrs. Stanwick to anything to do with Samantha?" Cavanaugh asked.
"No, she wasn't. But she was sure there was some connection."
"This is serious," he said. "We can't just pull Crowe in here and start asking him questions without cause."
"I know sir, but if he is connected and he is lead detective on the murder case anything he does could be construed badly if it comes out later that he was involved."
"True, but if I just pull him off the case it will also pose questions."
Cavanaugh sat there for a while trying to think it through. "I want to speak to this Stipling guy," he said finally. "I'm going to bring Korsak in on this for now, but you were right to come to me and not show this to Jane."
"I don't like keeping things from her," Maura said. "So whatever you are going to do all I can ask is that you do it quickly."
….
Later that night, after an unhealthy and way too filling of a meal, Jane and Maura sat on the couch, Jane with her laptop going through the case files again. Maura had been distracted most of the day by the revelation that Crowe was Mrs. Stanwick's grandson and so she was catching up on work she hadn't gotten done earlier.
"Dr. Peters' office called today, wanted to ask that if I was feeling comfortable enough if I would bring clothes with me to my appointment tomorrow. More like what I would have worn when Sam had me," Jane said without taking her eyes off of her computer. "The idea is to make the experience more real I guess."
"Are you going to do it?"
This time Jane turned her attention to her. "Do you think I should?"
"It's really up to you," she said. "If you aren't feeling comfortable with the idea of it though you shouldn't."
Jane shrugged. "I did say I was willing to do what it takes so I suppose I should take some. I mean it's just shorts and a T-shirt, nothing different than what I wear around here at night."
"Except it is different," Maura said. "What Dr. Peters does is put you in an environment that is safe but has visual stimuli connected to your trauma. The more you immerse yourself in that the more real it will seem."
"But that's the whole idea right? Make it seem real so it can jog my memory. I mean I do have some good news to tell him –remembering the beer bottle. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure I had been drinking a beer that morning."
"Do you still feel comfortable with me going with you?"
"Yeah. Unless you have something else you need to get done."
"No, I made sure my schedule was cleared."
"Ok then."
Jane went back to her files but Maura found she again had become too distracted to be very effective in getting any work done. She had given Cavanaugh Stipling's number and when she had been leaving his office he had called Korsak in so she assumed that he was now in the loop. As much as she wanted to know about what was going on with it, she had told Cavanaugh it might be best to keep any details from her for now. She couldn't be burdened with information that she would want to tell Jane. Cavanaugh promised that they would work quickly – not just for their sake but for the sake of the murder investigation.
While she knew that Crowe and Jane rubbed each other the wrong way and had exchanged words on more than one occasion, Maura had a hard time believing he would have anything to do with Jane's kidnapping. Then again, Crowe had been uncommonly polite to Jane since she returned. Could that be out of guilt, Maura wondered.
Since she had been placed on leave after Jane disappeared she had no idea how involved Crowe had been with the investigation into Jane's supposed death.
Jane's phone rang interrupting their silence. "It's Frost," she said before answering it. Maura watched as Jane spoke to him and imagined it was nothing good since one of the first things out of Jane's mouth was a swear word. Then it was, "you can't trust her to tell the truth." The conversation didn't last more than a few minutes.
"That bitch," Jane swore as she stood up.
"What is it?"
"Sara she had a visitor several weeks back – want to make any guess on who?"
Maura just looked at her.
"Penny," Jane said. "Now Sara has been in prison so she never met Penny before so why would Penny be visiting her if not because of Sam. Frost got the records from the prison. She was there probably a day or so before she was killed Frost figures."
"Do you think Sam sent her to see her sister?"
"She had to have. She must have used her to pass a message or something."
"The prison records all of those conversations, did Frost get those too?"
"Yeah, he is going through them tonight. He just wanted to make sure I knew about this development right away," she said as she started to pace. "Damn it, this … why is this happening? Why did this happen to me? I'm not special, so why did she become obsessed with me?"
Maura got up and grabbed Jane's hand. "Listen to me because you need to hear this and I will keep repeating it every day if I have to. You are not at fault here. There is nothing you did to make Sam become obsessed with you. There was no way for you to have foreseen any of this," she said. "She is sick and she can't tell reality from the fiction she had invented in her head that you and her are somehow destined for each other. And don't you ever say that you aren't special. You are special. You are special to me, to your family, to your friends and you can't let Sam take that away from you."
"I feel like she's taken too much already," Jane admitted. "I don't feel like me, like the me I was before all of this."
"Of course you don't," Maura said. "You were traumatized. I know you don't want to talk about or even think about it but it's going to continue to affect you. Hoyt damaged your hands, he played mind games and while you got through it I think you would agree that you weren't the same person you were after all of that."
"What if I can't do this?" Jane asked. "What if I can't come back from this, or I mess things up between you and I? What if she wins? These are the kinds of thoughts that keep running through my head all the time. I can't block it."
This is why Maura had hoped Jane would see someone, talk to someone about all the things going on in her head. She knew at some point it would all start to come out and she felt ill-equipped to offer her any professional advice. This was her wife, she had to remind herself, and Jane wasn't talking to her because she wanted an expert analysis from her.
"I think it's natural for you question these things," Maura said. "And I understand that it is hard for you to not think of them. You are the strongest person I know Jane Rizzoli and you have been since the first moment I met you and if anyone can get through all of this while also working to bring Sam to justice, it's you. I could quantify for you, break down all the cases, all the times when it seems like the odds were stacked against you but you came through it, but I don't need to do that because I believe in you."
She gave Jane a kiss which she was happy to have returned.
"We have an early morning tomorrow, so why don't we head to bed?" Maura said.
Jane nodded and Maura began turning off the lights as Jane did her now nightly routine of checking the windows and doors and making sure the alarm was set.
Maura found it hard to sleep that night though. Even as she sensed that Jane had finally drifted off to sleep, her mind was restless.
Ever since Stipling had brought her that file with Crowe's picture in it she had kept running things through her mind, trying to figure out how he fit into all of this. If he considered Mrs. Stanwick his grandmother then was the recovery of her house some sort of payment for services rendered. It was the only possibility her mind could come up with, and if she was right, what was the service he had rendered to Samantha?
Could he really have been involved with Jane's abduction? She kept thinking too of the missing body bag from her morgue. Crowe would have had access to those body bags.
She kept running scenarios through her mind about what his involvement may have been, even scenarios where he had nothing to do with it and this was an attempt by Samantha to keep them distracted.
She wasn't sure when she fell asleep but the alarm going off the next morning was way earlier than she would have wished. She got out of bed – she always got out of bed first and began getting ready while Jane tried to rest a little more.
That morning both of them seemed to be moving slow. The last thing Jane did before leaving that morning was go back into the bedroom and grab some clothes she stuffed into her gym bag. Maura knew it was the clothes that she would wear during the simulation today in order to make it all appear more real.
They got to the doctor's office and while Jane was changing clothes Dr. Peters read over her notebook where she had written down what she thought she remembered about the beer bottle. When Jane was ready they went through much the same routine as the first time where they explained what each sensor did before attaching it to her, explaining how what she would be seeing wasn't real and while her mind would know that, it would also be real enough that the mind would want to begin to fill in the missing pieces. Dr. Peters again cautioned Jane about warning them if it got to be too much and they would end the simulation immediately. The idea was not to cause further trauma.
Finally they were ready and Jane was left alone in the room on the bed. Her heart rate was slightly elevated as she waited for the doctor to countdown to when the unit would be activated. Maura noticed Jane held her breath the moment before it was turned on. They would keep her in it longer today than they did the first time around.
The doctor had taken Jane's suggestion of adding the sound of a Red Sox game playing on low and as the game started to play Maura watched as Jane turned her head to the right – looking where a TV would have been if they were actually in that room Sam had kept her in.
They had passed the 15 minute mark, which seemed longer to Maura. Jane had laid down on the bed at some point, even lying like she would if she was watching TV. There were cameras around the room so they could see her from all angles.
She wondered if Jane was seeing anything in her mind, anything useful or if she was lying there being skeptical of the whole thing. She knew that if she didn't get results from these sessions, Jane wouldn't keep coming back despite Dr. Peters explaining to her that this could be a long process.
They would be returning to work after this and they were supposed to be meeting about their recommitment ceremony and going over more security precautions they would be taking. Crowe would be a part of that meeting and Maura wondered if she had it in her to sit in a room with him and not demand that he answer some questions.
"Why is she doing that?" Dr. Peters asked her, which roused her from her thoughts. She looked at the screen and noticed that Jane was scratching her arm near the elbow on the interior side. She had seen her do it a few minutes ago but hadn't thought anything of it other than it must be an itch.
"The drugs," Maura said finally. "That would have been one of the places that Samantha would have injected her at."
They kept her in the VR for 25 minutes total and Maura and Dr. Peters waited in his office for Jane to join them after changing back into her clothes. It seemed to take a while before Jane was coming in. Knowing how quickly her wife could dress Maura presumed Jane was taking her time, perhaps gathering up her thoughts.
"How was it this time?" he asked Jane when she came in and sat down.
"Better," Jane said. "Having the Red Sox game on, made it seem more real, although I'm still not sure real is the right word for it."
"Why did you turn to the right when you heard the game and then eventually lie on your side facing that direction?" he asked, even though having seen the crime scene photos he knew the TV was mounted in that direction.
"The TV was there," Jane said. "Sam used to turn it on and I would watch whatever game was playing until she returned from wherever she was at. She was never gone longer than the game from what I can recall."
"Did Sam ever stay there in the room with you while you were watching a game?"
"Yes."
"Tell me about that, what you can remember about that if you don't mind," he said.
"Not much to tell. She'd lie there in bed with me watching the game and I would usually fall asleep before it was over. She was drugging me before the game was put on so she knew what she was doing with it," she said, as she scratched that area on her arm again without seeming to know she was doing it. "Back when we were dating, she would sit through a game with me but usually she was doing work or something and so her attention was never quite on it. Since she never brought anything into the room with her usually when she held me captive I think she only stuck around to watch if she knew I was going to be sleeping soon."
"Was there a routine to all she did?" Dr. Peters asked.
Jane considered the question before answering. Maura knew the answer – or at least part of it – because to keep up the amount of drugs Samantha was putting in her system it had to be on a schedule. Maura had seen it first hand in those days she was also held captive.
"If there was, I wasn't aware of it," Jane said.
Maura's phone buzzed and Jane's did a moment later. They both looked at each other before answering.
"Dr. Isles," she answered.
It was dispatch letting her know there was a homicide.
"Sorry doc," Jane said when she got off the phone. "Duty calls."
"Next week?"
"Yeah," Jane said.
They got out to the car – Jane taking the wheel – and they had to go across town so Maura knew it would be a long ride of silence if she didn't speak first.
"How was the session?" she asked.
Jane shrugged. "I don't know. Even though I could see I was in that virtual room and hear the game playing, my mind kept going back to the beginning of all of this – the how I got out of my apartment that day. Maybe that's what I should have had the doc simulate – my old apartment, not that place."
"We could probably ask him to do that," Maura said. "But it may take a little while to get that set up."
"I figured."
"Does this mean you don't want to do this simulation anymore?"
Jane glanced over at her. "No," she said. "It's not that. I just think maybe if I could remember that part it would jumpstart the rest of it if that makes any sense."
"It does," Maura said. "You want your mind to create and order out of things. It's how you are used to investigating a case. You look at all the pieces and then fit them into the right places. You've been doing it all along with the evidence we have but now you want your mind to do it with the pieces you are missing – your memories."
Jane lapsed back into the silence for a while until Maura again interrupted it.
"The knock on your door that you remembered – the one that happened while you were drinking the beer – do you think it was possible that it was someone you knew?"
Jane again looked at her. "No idea, why?"
"I wonder who would have been at your door that morning," Maura said. "You were off duty for a few days and if it is connected to your disappearance why wasn't the person noticed at all."
One of the things she had thought about while she was awake last night was if that person at the door had been Crowe. Despite the animosity between him and Jane, he was still someone that Jane would probably have opened the door to.
"You saw the place I was living, it wasn't exactly the place where people make eye contact," Jane said. "I should never have let you come over there."
"I'm glad you did. Despite what happened afterward, I'm still glad," Maura said.
This time when the silence came Maura left it alone. They got to the scene where there was a young man dead by what appeared to be two gun shots to the stomach. Maura knew Jane was already thinking gang related.
She was giving instructions to have the body taken to the morgue when her phone beeped. Checking it, there was a text message from Korsak –"let me know when you get back from the scene and have the chance to talk alone."
She gave a quick look over at Jane who was speaking with someone and then she texted back ok. If Korsak wanted to speak alone, it mostly like had to do with Jane's case and Crowe. Maura hated that it meant withholding information from Jane and she could only hope that they had come far enough in rebuilding their relationship that Jane would understand once she did fine out.
For now though, Maura knew telling Jane would be a mistake.