Out of all the chapters I have written, this is probably my least favirote.

I dunno, I had to do this one a kind of a filler to lead up to the next chapter I guess,

and I really didn't know what to do with it!

Turns out I'm much better at writing them both in denial than them both falling in love.

Anyway, Vaughn is the one shit baked now. He isn't denying his feelings on Chelsea

He is just afraid he isn't capable of being a suitable partner.

And Chelsea is just being Chelsea.

Enjoy :)

38: Did She Ask You to Marry Her, or Something?

Vaughn

The curtains were wide open, letting the sun fry my fucking eyeballs in my sockets as I finally opened my damn eyes. "Chelsea, what the fuck." I mumbled irritably, pulling the blanket over my face.

"Get up, lazy ass." She snapped back,

I rolled me eyes. Easy for her to say. I let her have my fuckin bed last night. And I voluntarily took the damn couch. Sure, I probably could have easily slept with her in the bed all night, it's not like we haven't fuckin slept in the same spot before.

But now that we are making out and shit, I wouldn't want her to think of anything the wrong damn way. Besides, I was already a damn crook and took one Lady's Virginity (although Lady isn't the word to describe Molly, she was more of a damn whore.)

I don't plan on taking Chelsea's, not until she is prepared for it anyway.

Or married.

I cringed, cursing myself for even considering it. Fuck Vaughn, you kiss her a couple times and you're already thinking about marriage. Settling the hell down and popping out youngsters.

The thought of it turns my damn stomach.

Something I swore I would never EVER even consider doing. I'd probably turn out like my delinquent father- I'm be a dead beat husband and a scumbag father.

I scowled to myself, She's been here too long- times for her to go home.

"Get up!" Chelsea called from the bedroom, "Or will I just call a taxi to the boats?"

I frowned, I guess she wants to leave just as bad as I need her to go.

Maybe it's nothing… maybe she got to fucking clear her mind just as much as I do.

I sprang from the sofa, finally peeling my ass off of it. "Yer in an awful rush to leave, ain't ya?" I stated,

She shrugged, "I figured I would rather take the Afternoon boat rather than the Night boat." She drifted off into a thought, "I figured if the sun was shining and I could go out on the deck, it would ease me a tiny bit…"

I chuckled. That's right, her boat phobia. She must have missed me some damn bad to come all the way over here on the night boat.

"Were ya scared?" I asked, "When ya came over?"

She entered the room with that smirk on her face, "Nah.", "Well, I mean. I was. But the old bartender got my mind off it and stuff. I was fine after wards."

I chuckled, The old bartender? "Do you mean Roger? He's a good fellow, I've talked to him a few times too. His kid died there last year- he didn't say how though."

Chelsea frowned, as she sat to the kitchen table- "Really?..." she pondered, "Well, that makes me feel even better about what I did."

I raised an eyebrow, as I stuck some bagels down in the toaster. Bagels, something I never had in my life- she must bought some.

"Put some butter and cheddar cheese slices on them." She demanded, "It's the best way to eat bagels." She paused and continued, "And I tipped him 10,000 dollars."

My jaw dropped, as I dropped the knives on the floor. "What the heck! Why would ya even consider doing something like that?"

Chelsea shrugged; her midnight eyes full of compassion, "I don't know, I guess where he was just talking to me and stuff… I had a gut feeling that I should have given him something. I guess I felt guilty about something."

I looked at her, as she got up to check the bagels herself. Probably not trusting whatever the fuck I'm at over here.

I snickered, "So this man talks to ya once, and you gives him 10,000 bucks? What the hell do I get for everything I ever did for ya?"

She whipped me around and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, "You, get me," she muttered, "That's worth more than 10,000 bucks, isn't it?"

I frowned, looking down at the girl. 10,000 is a lot of fucking money. Like, a shit load of fucking dough. It could get me a lot of stuff, I wouldn't have to stress out over bills as much. You could do a lot with 10,000

A girl, that's just more I gotta blow my money on.

Do I have to buy shit for Chelsea all the time now? I got her a damn camera last night. But I mean, That was for a special occasion. Do she expect something everytime I see her on the islands? Do I have to buy her shit all the time? Fuck, that would be a waste of money. No matter how many 'kisses' I get.

"I dunno." I mumbled, "10,000 dollars is a lot of money."

Chelsea giggled, I think she believes I was joking. Which is probably a damn good thing, I wouldn't want her getting pissed over a stupid comment I made.

We sat to the table silently and ate our bagels. She was right, butter and cheese is the best to have on these. Chelsea is so good a creating shit like this.

"This is good too," I managed to spit out, "How do you come up with this stuff?"

Chelsea smiled, as she poked the cheese into her bagel further- "Mom always cooked stuff, I guess I learned. This is even better with bacon on it, by the way."

I frowned, "Mom never did nothin for me." I mumbled angrily, "I would have to gather grasses and stuff in order to keep myself goin. And orphanage food was hellish."

Chelseas face dropped, as she gazed up into my eyes. Her eyes searched my face repeatedly until her sapphires caught my own eyes- "Well, Now you have me. I promise I'll be nothing like your mom, okay? And I would never make you eat anything 'Hellish'" She smirked at that word, "Ever again."

I swallowed a chunk of bread, Of course she is nothing like Mother. Chelsea is tender, but tough- she would never be capable of having so much hatred towards something, let alone against a child- and Definitely not one of her own creations.

I thumbs up the lucky fucker who will get to marry her, and have her be the mother of his damn youngster.

I doubt it will be me.

No, I know for a damn fact it won't be me. I'll end up doing something to fuck it up- and hell, I don't want to get married and I definitely don't want to have anything to do with kids.

I hope she don't get all fucking depressed over that.

xxXXxx

We pulled up to the boats, and she purchased her ticket back to the boring island. It's such a fucking drag there- Chels is the only thing that keeps shit interesting.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on Wednesday…" Chelsea mumbled, looking up at me meakishly. Deep in thought, What in the hell is she thinking?

I nodded stiffly, "See ya then."

There was a silence. Not our normal comfortable silence- but this was a stupid, 'whats-going-to-happen-next' silence.

Something I can't really answer.

Then Chelsea broke it, she leaned over the seat of the truck and planted a giant kiss right on my lips. Pulling back slowly and muttered, "I'm going to miss you. Take care of yourself."

I smiled, "You too, Chels."

Then I watched her open the truck and walk off.

Her walk is girlie, but at the same time it's tough. She is a strong girl- just like she said about me. Emotionally and Physically.

It's stupid really, how we got little things in common like that. Like our love for animals- Except she fuckin eats em too.

I guess we got shit in common- shitty pasts, closed off to the world, same thoughts, feels like we are alone in this shit hole, we can sort of read eachothers mind, and we both enjoy silence.

But at the same time we are so different. I'm cynical; she's open minded. I'm rude; she's kind. She had a mother; I didn't. and damn it, she is more neutering than me, that's for fuckin sure.

She's considerate, money is nothing to her; Money is the world to me.

Chelsea was talking to a man who took her bag and put it in the storage. She had a smile plastered across her face- probably telling them how she is afraid of boats.

Or probably about to whip out money for him- for being too kind.

I chuckled, It's amazing how she can throw money around to people who deserve it. I can't imagine meeting someone that meant more to me than money. Money can get you anything in this world that anyone could possibly want.

Chelsea walked out of view, and I frowned. She's gone.

Sure, I thought it would be fuckin alright for her to leave for a few damn days. But… maybe it'll be harder than I fuckin imagined.

I sighed, uneasily. Searching the deck for Chelsea- it would probably be easier if she was wearing that damn red bandana.

I wonder where she is going, is she gone to the bathroom to lock herself in a stall for the whole trip? If she sat somewhere in the cab? Is she leaning out over a rail for fresh air? What if she gets light headed and faints- fucking going overboard into the ocean?

My heart dropped, What if when I show up to the goddess damn island- Chelsea isn't even there? What if Julia and Mirabelle thought she was still in the city with me? Then nobody would try to find her. And technically right now she is my responsibility.

I grumbled, "Fuck this here today."

I opened my truck door and jumped out, running up the dock.

"$1000 please sir."

I tried to puch through him, "I'm only going to be a minutes, I'm not getting on the boat."

He stiffened infront of my, "Policy is Policy, sir. To step foot on this boat you must pay $1000, you wouldn't believe the amount of stow aways we get."

I glowered at him. 1000 fucking dollars to go make sure Chelsea isn't hanging out over the damn boat somewhere. Are you kidding me?

Fuck that, she'll be alright. She got here in one piece and she'll get back in one piece.

It's Chelsea we are talking about here. More shit happens to her than a toilet.

"BOAT DEPARTING IN 5 MINUTES"

"Lord honorable," I grumbled, rolling my eyes. I snatching 1000 dollars from my wallets to throw at buddy.

He stepped out of my way and I jogged up the ramp and and searched the dock for a tiny girl hanging off the side on the boat.

But she wasn't there.

"Fuck, what a waste of money." I complained,

"Vaughn?"

I looked around, for that soft raspy voice that called my name. "Where are you?"

"Down here."

I looked over by the couch and found the weirdo led on her back- facing the sky. Led on the cold, metal, dirty, wet floor.

I approached her, "What in the fuck are you doing down here?"

Chelsea smirked he devious smirk, "What in the fuck are you doing on this boat?" she mimicked

I squinted my eyes down at her, to show her I'm not kidding around right now. She breathed, "I don't like seeing the ocean that much. It's beautiful to look out at when you're on dry land, but something about being stuck in the middle of it scares the shit out of me-"

I looked down at the girl who was mumbling on and on about why being on a boat is so much different than being on land. Her midnight eyes were looking past me at the sky, but the sun was shining in them. Making the blackness in them appear less cold, bringing out the deep blue in them even more. They were swirls of cobalt and turquoise.

Her little mouth moved quickly, still on a rant. "I discovered that lying here looking up at the sky kind of makes it feel like I'm on the dock at the island- and the ocean is just washing up against the shore rather than this hunkin ferry."

"That's logical," I agreed quickly, at least she won't be up looking around in places she could fall over. I could handle her lying in this spot the whole time, at least then I won't lose her before I got too.

That's when a stupid, dumb thought dawned on me for the first time in my life. From a boy who was raised on stolen money and goods- to somebody who material things were most important.

I spent $1000 to make sure I wouldn't have to 'lose her before I got too'

*You get me. That's worth more than 10,000 bucks, isn't it?*

By the goddess fuck. Chelsea Davis is something that 10000,000000 dollars wouldn't even be able to come on close to purchasing.

"Stay there, don't move" I mumbled, as I crouched down to opened her jacket pocket, grabbing the little digital camera.

"Look up at whatever the hell you were looking at them you were talking to me."

Chelsea looked up at the sky, with a little smile across her face. I quickly snapped the picture, and reviewed it. That's a picture I wouldn't mind having in my damn apartment. Something nice to look at,

"Beautiful. Don't delete it cause I want it eventually."

I bent over quickly and kissed her soft forehead, "See ya."

I heard her sit up behind me and watch me off, "What the fuck is happening to me," I mumbled.

xxXXxx

I tossed and turned all night long. I'm getting way to comfortable with her.

She's practically my girlfriend now. Can I fucking handle that? Can I support another person?

Goddess dammit, I can barely fucking look after myself. I can't even figure myself out- not alone figure out how someone else feels.

How the hell did I even get myself into this dilemma? How the hell was it even possible?

Having a passion for money was fine. I couldn't hurt it by giving it away- if anything I was letting it live up to its power. And it would never hurt me, it would only make me happier.

But now I let this sweet, innocent, beautiful girl take Money's place. What if I treat her like I treat money? What if I just trash and throw her around- her never knowing when I'm going to want to trade her in for something more valuable? That's what my father was like, that's how I felt with him.

Or there is the other worst scenario: What if I let her take over my mind so much, that money is the last thing on my mind? How the fuck do I support her then? Easy. I turn into the monster than my father was and steal everybody's well deserved earnings cause I'm too lazy to do anything.

I'll destroy her, just like Skye destroyed Mom.

My heart dropped, as I grabbed the phone. There is only one person that can help me out with this.

Gray

"I like Chelsea more than I like money."

I screwed up my face, What the hell? Its 3 in the morning and Vaughn is talking about money is Chelsea.

I haven't heard from the idiot in 2 weeks, what the fuck do he want?

"Vaughn? What the hell." I complained, half asleep.

"I know. It's fucking stupid and wreckless as fuck. She-"

My eyes widened, Vaughn likes Chelsea more than money? FINALLY

I shook Claires shoulder, waking her up. I was smiling like a greasy turd. I pressed the button for the speaker phone- letting my buddy's voice fill up the room.

"She came to the apartment when I was sick, and she fuckin looked after me or whatever. And we decided to celebrate the starry night festival and shit- anyway I bought her the most expensive gift I could find, right? And that's fucked. I don't but shit for anyone. Anyway, I ended up.. kissing her."

Claires eyes widened as a goofy smiled broke across her face. I tried no to chuckle,

"And so that was fine or whatever. But then I spent 1000 dollars just to see her for 2 minutes. Stupid as fuck. Totally fuckingdumb, 2 minutes cost me 100 dollars. And I think she is gorgeous, Gray. You know? She is just like…"

Claire mumbled, "Well he got his thoughts on a train tonight."

"Anyway, I like her more than money. What if I fuck everything up? I don't want to get married or have kids. I'll fuck it all up. I'm not interest in it one fucking bit- I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to me a mushy moron like you, but you got it easy. At least you got the guts and the mind set to look after Claire and stuff- and hell. You would even be a half decent dad too I guess. But not me. Fuck, I can't do any of it. I don't even know what the hell I was thinking"

I sighed, inwardly chuckling at the irony. This is how I felt too "Breath buddy. Did Chelsea ask you to marry her or anything?"

There was silence and Vaughn muttered, "Uh… no…"

I snickered into the phone, "Then why in the fuck are you stressing out, dude? What makes ya think she would want to marry you anyway? Just go back to the island on Wednesday, and kiss the hell outta her. You got this, man."

Vaughn sighed, "Yeah, I guess so."

I answered back, "Besides, the only reason why you are thinking that shit anyway is cause your'e second guessing it all. Maybe you want that stuff but your too fucking dense to admit it."

Vaughn growled, "Shut the fuck up. You know that I'll never change my mind on it. Ever."

I chuckled again, getting great amusement form my Love Trouble friend, "So you like her more than money, huh? Last time I check you LOVED money and work."

Vaughn hissed, "Grow the fuck up Gray. I'm not a complete asshole like you, I don't go around all cliché- falling in love with the first girl I sees when I move to a new damn town."

"But look where that got him too, Vaughnie!" Hollared the little blonde beside me,

"Idiot, you got me on speaker phone?" Vaughn growled, than he gave in "Whatever. See you next week." And he hung up the phone.

Claire laughed, and I cuddled into her- and touched her belly.

She's pregnant- we found out last week. Vaughn is going to shit a fucking rib when we tell him,

Uncle Vaughn and Aunt Chelsea. I chuckled, That got an odd click to it

Claire whispered drowsily, "They're gonna get married."

I chuckled, "I know."

"I knew from the look on his face when he-"

"Came into the house and said, 'fuck, that island is going to be the worst thing that ever happened too me.'?"

Claire chuckled, "The words said it, but his voice meant something the complete opposite."

I laughed, "Yeah that's when knew too."

It was quite for a while, Claire mumbled, "Do you think they will have kids?"

I frowned, Trying to picture Vaughn changing shitty dampers, and burping a baby until it spit up on his shoulder. Trying to see him putting a child first before anthing else, trying to picture him with the balls to raise a human without chickening out and fucking off somewhere.

"No, I don't think so. If she ever got pregnant- I dunno what would happen."

Claire sighed heavily, "I was thinking the same thing."

Mark

I pushed through the hustle bustle of the giant city. I never grew up in a city, I don't know what I'm doing right now.

Or where I'm going.

Or how to even get there in than matter.

Sabrina said, "Find dirt on Chelsea. Nobody just leaves the city and moves to a dull island to become a farmer for no reason. She's hiding something."

Where the hell do I go to 'find dirt,'. I don't know a blessed thing about that girl, Where the fuck do I start?

I walked by a jail, stopping in my tracks.

Maybe Chelsea has a criminal record? I'm going to to have to go and find out.

My eyes caught attention in somebody… who oddly resembled somebody I knew.

I smirked. Well, maybe this is going to be easier than I thought.

Chelsea

Oreo, Lilac, Radish, Shake.

4 cows.

Bow, Ash, Mimi, Cuoco, Brim, Ogre

6 chickens.

Sheen, Peep, Cloud, Popper

4 sheep.

Bonne.

1 dog.

You'd say I owned a funny farm or something.

I chuckled, as I loaded up the fodder bins with new feed. It's unbelievable on how much money these animals are bringing in. Sure, every one of them costed an arm, a leg, and half a liver.

But if you take the time and raise them right- you certainly do get your money's worth back, plus more.

My life right now: 1) Animals.

I wake up, clean the pin. Feed them. Brush ALL of them, sit with each animals independently and talk to them while petting and loving them. Milk the cows, wash the sheep, and pick up eggs.

It takes longer than it sounds- especially when they all get jealous and try to invade each others loving time. But it's 100% worth it, I love them with everything I have. If I were to lose either one of them before it was their 'time to go' in about, 10 years down the road- I will be devastated.

I smirked as I brushed down Popper. I hate when sheep fur gets matted and tough. I find it gets so friggin coarse and everything sticks in it. I hate that, why would anybody purchase wool with sawdust in it? I make sure to brush all of their fur out perfectly everyday, and too wash them perfectly.

Mirabelle says it's a complete waste of time- and to just clean the fur when I sheer the fur. But in my opinion, it's a sin. There is nothing worse than the feeling of dirty, clitty hair.

I'm sure the sheep would feel the same way.

"So" The southern belle announced behind me- I almost forgot her was there.

"Hm?" I squeaked, in reply.

"So, the New Year's festival."

Which is tomorrow, Which is also Wednesday, Which also means- Vaughn. He seemed kind of odd the day I left, right from the moment he hauled his ass off the couch to the moment he chased me on the boat and snapped that photo of me .

That man is getting harder to predict every day.

"What are your plans?" Julia asked, while she gently stroked a cows back.

My plans are to hopefully spend either a quiet, relaxing night with my 'best friend/boyfriend'- or an adventurous, funfilled night with the same guy.

I shrugged, "Vaughn will be here soo…"

Julia fought a smirk, looking down to hide it under her forehead. "Oh yeah? You never did tell me how the city worked out for ya."

I sighed, as I moved on too Sheen. Am I the person to tell Julia about this? I don't even know what's going on here. I'm not even 100% sure if Vaughn wants to go public with it. Maybe he wants to keep it secretive for now. Besides, Julia is his cousin. Maybe he should tell her- because whatever she hears, she will tell Mirabelle. And she defiantly deserves to be informed of all of it by Vaughn himself- not me.

Do I want to go public with it? Do I want everyone to know I'm seeing Vaughn. I mean, I dumped Mark around 3 weeks ago- won't it make me look like a tramp?

But then again, everyone thinks I'm a Goddess worshiping- virgin Mary- pure as oxygen- sweet and innocent farm girl. Of course they don't suspect me of having sex with either one. Besides, I'm not doing that again until I'm married anyway, it's just all so over rated and stuff. I haven't had any form of sex in almost a year- and I'm A okay with that.

So, maybe no one will think I'm a slut.

It's none of their business anyway.

Maybe I do want to show off my super hot 'friend'. Maybe I want to flaunt the way he looks at me, maybe I want to hold his hand in public.

And maybe I can tell Julia about us. I mean, she may be his cousin. But other than Vaughn- she is the closest thing to a friend I got on this island.

"I think we're dating." I blurted out quickly,

Her eyes widened, "Wha-what?" "What do you mean "You THINK your dating?"

I smirked, "You probably no just as much as I do."

She cocked an eyebrow, the same way Vaughn does when he is curious. "Spit out the deets."

Grabbing a bucket and water spray to moisten the sheep knots. I sighed "Well, I guess I always felt this natural attraction to him." Julia nodded, as if she already knew that, "I just didn't realize it until he kissed me." She head snapped up at me and her jaw dropped, I chuckled, "I know. Just to be clear, he made the move. I did nothing."

Julia's shocked O slowly formed into a glittering smile, as she chuckled "He made the first move?

"He-"

"What did he say to you!"

"Ah-"

"Wait! No." She giggled, "Why were you so close anyway?"

"We wer-"

"Did you say anything to start it?"

"No I was jus-"

"OH MY GODDESS!" Julia squealed, jumping up and down, "I knew it all along, I KNEW IT! I knew it would happen!"

"JULIA!" I complained, "Will you let me talk?"

Julia kept that goofy smile plastered across her face.

"Okay. We took a picture with the camera he got me for Christmas and Starry Night. Then before I knew it, he has pulling me into him and kissing me. And I didn't want to first, but then I did."

Julia rose her eye brow, "There is more to it than that, girl. I'm not stupid. My cousin is an idiot, he must have did something for him to realize how much you mean to him."

I exhaled quickly, "He threw a bowl of hot soup at me, smashing it into the wall and then kicked me out of the apartment."

She huffed angrily,

"Then he came to find me. We decided to celebrate the holidays. He kissed me, a lot. and I kissed back every time."

Julia smiled again, "You know, you are the only person I ever seen him pay any head too."

I nodded, "I know, same. Other than you and Mirabelle anyway."

Julia's face fell a little, she became a bit serious. "You got his guard down, Chelsea." She declared, "He trusts you. He had a tough life you know? Lots of betrayal and not enough loyalty. You could ruin him if you wanted, you got his heart right in your hands. He might seem tough, but it's all just an act. Look past it." She sighed, "Don't do anything stupid, Chels. He really likes you, It'll ruin him forever."

I sighed, This mean it's it, huh? I agree never to break his heart- than mean I am practically promising Julia that I'll marry the guy.

I can't do that, it's a part of the life plan here. But it's not going to happen that way. Vaughn said to be ourselves and don't change- and it just so happens that this Chelsea does some pretty fucking stupid things.

And as do that cowboy.

Things have a way of working out on its own. If it's meant to be, the stupid things won't matter.

"I can't promise that I won't do anything stupid," I muttered, "But I do know that I won't break his heart unless I got a good reason too."

Julia looked up at me with her sky blue eyes, and nodded in agreement. Sure, I didn't make an oath to promise that I wouldn't screw up her cousin, but I didn't say that I would either.

It's just something she is going to have to be satisfied with.

I just know one thing. I'm dying to kiss him right now.

"Anyway," Julia announced, "Sabrina is having a New Year's party. You and Vaughn are invited."

I snapped me head up, Me? Go to Sabrina's? Over my dead body. Last time I checked she was madly head over heels in love with the same prick that tried to take my farm away from me.

"I know you hate her. But just come, with me."

Do I hate Sabrina? Hate is one of the strongest words in the world- along with Love. Do I hate anything? I dislike things, but do I hate it?

I know one think, I hate the ground Mark Peddle walks on.

"Mark will be there." I stated fiercely.

"No!" She exclaimed, "He disappeared from the island! We don't know where he went! He has been gone since the Starry Night festival."

I stayed silent for a second, pondering. Did he finally give up on Sabrina? And went to find someone else's farm to harass?

"Plus, everyone else would love if you went. Denny and Lanna really seemed like they wanted to get you know you and Vaughn! They are realy nice people you know."

I know they are. Denny seems kind. And I met Lanna before as 'Baby', during my first big solo performance at the club. Her record producer brought her to watch me to 'learn a few things'. I know she wouldn't remember me now. That's a given, I looked like a completely different person then.

Anyway, She is a nice girl. She is very considerate.

But befriending her would be like befriending my past.

But then again, I was never a bitch. She will never remember me anyway- even my voice sounds a bit different without the strain of high notes on my vocal cords, and the pollution of city smog invading my lungs.

And Denny could be a good friend for Vaughn as well, it would be nice for him to have a buddy. They are both very hard working.

"You know what? Screw it. I'll come."

Julia smirked, "Yeah? There's only one rule to this party."

"What?" I asked, while picking a unknotted a splinter for a wad of fur. It's probably a pot luck or something.

"Its formal. Meaning ALL females MUST wear a dress. Including you."

I smirked, using my fingers to pull apart a knot on Sheens leg. "Oh yeah? Luckily for me I don't own any dresses so looks like I'll be going in whatever the heck I want."

Julia rolled her eyes deviously, "I recall seeing a gorgeous red one hanging in your closet."

My heart stopped; the thought of slipping into that show stopping, glamorous, sexy dress causes me enough stress to give me a fucking heart attack.

Not alone wear it- out in public.

Infront of Vaughn. He don't know me like that,

And I don't want him too either.

"You will never," I hissed, "I repeat NEVER, get my into that red dress."

Thanks to Luna for getting on my case about updating ;) without her I wouldn't have had any inspiration to get it finished!