Jack didn't know why he wanted David back so badly. It couldn't be the 'you only want what you cannot have' thing because he knew the jones he felt for David were not like a little kid who was upset that someone was riding their usually abandoned rocking horse. And he wasn't sure why. David was a smart aleck; he was pretty annoying sometimes. And it wasn't like he was all that great in bed (although he didn't really have to do all that much) and Jack had had better. In fact, he had been a virgin before Jack had relieved him of that burden. But his stomach did those little flip-flops when David was around and he couldn't even think about sex with anyone else. He had to be in love. Shit.

And, to make matters worse, he was stuck wedding planning again. It was enough to drive him to shovel down the pieces of chicken at the Chili's they were in and those things were ninety percent batter grease. Erin looked down her nose at him.

"Frankie, you aren't binging and purging are you? I had a friend who did that and nearly ruptured something."

About three million responses ran through Jack's head but he settled on the neutral. "Thanks for sharing."

"Francis," his father gave him a dirty look.

Apparently not neutral enough.

"Oh, you're so funny," Amelia cooed. "Isn't he funny, auntie?"

Erin didn't answer her. For once, Jack was grateful towards her.

--

Klepto Orca: So Swift and I went out after work

xXMy Oh MyXx: And I care why?

Klepto Orca: because you're my friend you douche?

xXMy Oh MyXx: Alright I'll bite. What happened?

Klepto Orca: Well, we were driving and his car broke down in front of a Stop'n'Shop, right? And we went in and he was running down the aisle with me in the carriage and all of a sudden, KISS starts playing on the sound system for some reason

xXMy Oh MyXx: Lick it Up?

Klepto Orca: I Wanna Rock'n'Roll All Nite. So anyway, we were singing along with the chorus and

xXMy Oh MyXx: What?

Klepto Orca: he kissed me

xXMy Oh MyXx: he kissed you

Klepto Orca: On the lips

xXMy Oh MyXx: I know where people kiss people you idiot

Klepto Orca: So now I don't know what to do because…

xXMy Oh MyXx: you liked it didn't you?

Klepto Orca: yes. Yes I did. And it's strange because I didn't like him up until he kissed me. Stupid Gene Simmons

xXMy Oh MyXx: XD well wait, you didn't like him?

Klepto Orca: I work with him and he has enough money never to work a day in his life. Ergo, I'm jealous. AND I like Itey.

xXMy Oh MyXx: When have you ever spoken to Itey?

Klepto Orca: It's the principle of the matter Skits

xXMy Oh MyXx: Whatevs

xXMy Oh MyXx: So Swifty kissed you and you liked it. So not the end of the world

Klepto Orca: Why am I taking your advice? Your taste in men veers towards psychotic. Going to start dating Patrick Bateman next?

xXMy Oh MyXx: I don't date fictional characters you douche. But if I did, Huck Finn would be up there. Meow

Klepto Orca: You sicken me

--

David sat nervously in the hotel room. This was stupid. Really stupid. This was his college interviewer. The college interviewer who had been plying him with alcohol for hours but still. He had to remain completely composed and, dear God, Dirty Dancing was on the TV. What the hell? Where was he? He needed to get the hell out of Dodge pronto. He jumped to his feet but his spatial awareness wasn't as it should be and he fell back onto the bed, legs splayed. Just as that moment, Draven Wells reentered from the bathroom.

He walked up to David and knelt by the bed. "Tell me your interests."

He bit his lower lip. This couldn't end well. Plus, he was drunk. For the second time in his life, he was shit-faced. He couldn't remember his own name let alone his interests. What were his interests. Did he have interests?

"Uh…writing," he said. "And Russian literature."

He was proud that he could remain so composed under sufficient inebriation. Then Draven kissed him and that composure went out the window. The man, while hot for an older guy, was an older guy and could probably get arrested for this sort of thing. This didn't, however, keep David from macking back. Draven pulled himself onto the bed to deepen the angle of the kiss. His hand smoothed up the thigh of David's jeans and played with the hem of his t-shirt.

"I've never done this with a potential student before," he admitted. "None of the boys were…"

David just closed his eyes, preferring not to answer him or even look at him. He felt Draven's hand inch his shirt up before halting on his stomach.

"Is that a tattoo?" David opened his eyes to see a smile playing on his lips. "PAVIP? What's that mean?"

He remembered the excruciating pain that wrought that tattoo and Jack's face as he not so sheepishly mentioned that he hadn't mastered D's yet. Jack. Immediately, he sobered up. Holy shit, he couldn't do this.

"I can't!" he shouted. "I mean, I can't do this. At all. I…have a boyfriend. He gave me the tattoo."

Draven stood up. "Too right. And you could be going to Berkley next year. My deepest apologies, Mr. Jacobs. I don't know what came over me."

"Me neither," he lied, knowing that vodka had been involved in his own clouding of judgment.

Draven shook his hand. "Well, I'll be looking forward to reading your application."

And that was that. David stood shakily and left just as Patrick Swayze so "rebelliously" shattered the window on his own car.

--

Jake opened his eyes groggily. Snoddy was wrapped around him in what could be easily construed as a platonic gesture from anyone who knew them well. Unfortunately, the only person who did know them that well was curled up on the floor. After a night of venting about his stupidity for coming at Snitch tongue first, Swifty had collapsed on Snoddy's carpeted floor, snoring softly.

This morning was different for another reason. He and Snoddy had been in that position many times and Jake had even had a boner before but now it had less to do with urination and more to do with the taut flesh pressing into his body and the fact, the hair the…he took a deep breath. Oh, fuck it. He kissed him.

Snoddy opened his doe eyes and they lit up as Jake kissed him. He unfurled himself from him so they could be at a better angle. Jake couldn't believe how much he was enjoying kissing a boy. Granted, Snoddy was as close to a woman as a man was going to get so maybe it didn't count. Still, he loved sliding his fingers under his t-shirt, touching the skin he found there. Letting his tongue roam around inside of his mouth and they were going to…

"Ewww!" Snoddy squeaked suddenly, disengaging their mouths. "I'm sorry, Jake but…it's like having sex with a teddy bear!"

He rolled off of him, dazed. Swifty rose.

"What?"

"Nothing," Jake grumbled.

Snoddy smiled devilishly at him. "I don't know how you get so many girls to sleep with you. You're a crap kiss."

Jake picked up a pillow and lobbed it at his head. "Momentary moment of sexual identity crisis in the morning, my dear."

"Momentary moment?" Swifty asked from his position on the floor.

He grabbed Snoddy's other pillow and lobbed it at his head. "You know what I mean."

--

Sarah took deep, even breaths.

"Just say it," she said to herself from her position on the plaid couch in the crowded, DeLancey apartment.

"So," Oscar came into the kitchen. "You're knocked up, eh?"

She blanched. "Who told you?"

He smirked. "No one. I saw it. I had this girlfriend last year, Vanessa. Well, I noticed she gained some weight. So I told her this. And she smacked me. Then she gained more weight to, I thought, spite me. Turned out she was preggers. So I broke up with her."

"You broke up with her because she was pregnant?"

"No, I broke up with her because she was cheating on me with the entire varsity wrestling team. It wasn't even my kid."

"What does that have to do with me?"

He smirked again. "I know the signs."

Morris stepped from the bathroom. "You leave Sarah alone."

Oscar rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't dream of touching her, brother dear. Oh, speaking of which, I have something to tell you."

He waved a hand. "Not now. Sarah wanted to say something."

Showtime. Now or never.

"I'm pregnant," she declared.

To her surprise, Morris didn't yell or freak out. He simply fainted.

"Oh, shit," Oscar mumbled for a reason Sarah didn't know.