AN: WHOOOHOOW! We're getting started again! I'm so excited! :D It feels like it's been ages, even though I probably needed the break. But on a sidenote: It's been almost exactly a yeah now since this story started! That's CRAZY!
This week's title comes once again from Walking The Wire by Imagine Dragons.
I feel like I should warn you though... Remember how I said I'd use the time to write a buffer for the summer? Yeah... well, that didn't happen. I fell into a bit of a motivation hole and barely wrote anything during these two months. In the end, I managed to write one and a half chapters for this story, which means that after posting this, I'm back to the usual slightly stressful pressure of writing one chapter per week... In addition to that, my life outside of fandom became more complicated too, which in the end means that I can't promise to keep up the weekly schedule. I'll do my best! But if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. For more information, check out my Tumblr blog shipmistress9.
**Shoutouts**
To Vivi-ntvg: Evil stuff? Why would I bring in evil stuff *whistles innocently* O:)
To UppityBirch55: I hope the wait was worth it then ;)
To Berry: Do you know by know why you were laughing? I'd really like to know! xD
To GWZark: It made me really happy to read that you like this story! I hope not to disappoint then ^^"
To BrawlerGamer: As always, your guesses about what might happen have been a delight to read. But also as always... I won't say anything ;)
To Spectrer: That actually was helpful. Sometimes, I worry about the characters beeing too ooc, which they certainly are in parts. But then, this is my interpretation, and as long as it works I'm happy.
To Grim T Reaper: Thank you again for your fong review, both here and on AO3. I won't say anything about the future plot, only RAFO. ;) But on the spoiling HTTYD3 part... Don't worry, it'll be a long time before any elements of that film find there way in here.
To alejandra: aahh, Eret... O:) But I'm sorry you were scared ;)
To Vraccal: Your review came at a great moment and gave me a huge burst of motivation, so thank you a lot! I'm glad you like the story so much, and don't worry about any rambling; we authors love it when it happens! ^^
And a big shoutout to all who waited these two months for a new chapter and to those who are new here now. Let's get started with Part 3 of this story. Keep tissues ready...
. o O o .
PART 3
Chapter 34: And There's Tears We Cry, But Those Tears Will Fade
"I don't want to go…"Hiccup murmured against her neck, and a light shudder ran through Astrid's body.
It wasn't the first time these words passed between them lately, not at all. In the two months since Daniel had left for Westhill, they had been a near-daily occurrence. Sometimes, like now, they came muttered against her skin or her hair, sometimes they were filled with desperation when they clutched each other close, or sometimes it was her who said them, a pained, pleading 'I don't want you to go…'.
And yet, there was nothing either of them could do about it. With every happy day they shared, the impending separation came closer and closer. It was only two days until her birthday now, and the day after that House Jag'r would return to Eastervale. Their time was almost up.
"I know," she murmured back, awkwardly turning in Hiccup's embrace to seek his lips with her own. Their kiss was harder than she'd intended, but then even that wasn't uncommon lately. What had been intended as relatively harmless cuddling turned into heated kissing in the blink of an eye, her hands clutching his hair just as fiercely as his clutched at her waist.
Only with great effort did Astrid manage to pull back again, to give them both at least the tiniest bit of space to catch their breath and to calm down. This wasn't the time to get carried away, even though Astrid wouldn't deny that she'd enjoyed it. She threw Hiccup a soft but sad smile over her shoulder before she leaned back against his chest, basking in his warmth, and tried to push away all heavy thoughts.
It was an early spring day and the sun shone brightly through the stable's windows. It was possible that the chill would return before summer truly broke through, but for now, the weather was nice enough. And, as so often during these last two months, her father had allowed her to spend the sunny day with Dagur and Eret outside instead of with her governess in a stuffy room. Maybe he'd seen how gloomy she'd become after Daniel had left, had seen that spending time with her brothers was the only thing that was able to cheer her up, and had decided that, as long as they were here at the castle, she should spend as much time with them as was possible. Astrid hadn't contradicted him; he wasn't wrong, after all. Spending time with Eret and Dagur was always good, even though that was only part of why she always was in a better mood after those days.
With her and Hiccup not being the only ones dreading the upcoming separation, it had been easy to convince Eret and Dagur to leave her with Hiccup at the stables so that they could… spend some time alone. It only had needed her to assure them that she wasn't uncomfortable with Hiccup keeping watch over her in their stead, which Eret was far quicker to accept than Daniel had been. Sometimes the thought about what bad chaperones they were to each other made her laugh, but she surely wouldn't complain. On the contrary, being able to spend nearly every second day with Hiccup at the stables, more or less unobserved and in addition to being here every night anyway, had been a far better way to spend those two months then she'd expected.
During the days, they never retreated to Hiccup's sleeping stall; the temptation to fall asleep during lazy cuddles and the accompanying risk of missing Eret's and Dagur's return was simply too great. But she didn't feel as if they were missing out. While she greatly enjoyed their nights of solitude, of being free to explore each other in every way imaginable, the days of connecting in other ways were wonderful too. At first, it had worried her that they never knew when the others would return. But with Dagur never being quiet and always laughing or joking and them just having to shuffle a bit away from each other instead of putting clothes back on, it was easily manageable.
With a contented sigh, Astrid shuffled out of Hiccup's embrace and reached for the book she'd dropped next to the straw bale they sat on. She'd taken over Daniel's habit of bringing interesting books for Hiccup from their library, and more often than not, she and Hiccup ended up looking through some of them together. And she loved it. It didn't matter whether she'd picked a theoretical book about metallurgy which Hiccup was more than happy to explain to her, or whether she'd chosen a storybook for them to read to each other and enjoy together. Every second she spent with Hiccup was precious, and with every day she got to know him better, she felt as if her soul was getting more and more complete.
Even though every day brought them closer and closer to their separation.
"So, what did you bring today?" he asked, the effort of forcing his attention away from the topic of leaving audible in his tone. He peered over her shoulder, hands lightly resting around her waist.
Humming, Astrid shuffled a little closer again, enjoying his warmth against her back, before she directed their attention to the book in her lap. "'The Exotics Of The South," she replied, indicating the translated subtitle, glad that Hiccup couldn't see her half-hidden mischievous smirk as she turned over the first few pages. "It sounded interesting, to say the least. I've never been to the Southlands, but the stories Dagur occasionally tells from the Southshore traders and sailors are intriguing. Have you ever been there?" She paused at a page that showed a foreign landscape that seemed to consist of nothing but sand. Like an endless beach, except there seemed to be no lake or ocean anywhere. There was a description, written in a foreign tongue, with a scribe's translation written in small letters under it But between the size of the letters and the scribe's dialect, it was difficult to make out what the scribe had written in the subtext.
Chuckling lightly, Hiccup shook his head. "No, I haven't. I've never left Volantis, always hoped…" he trailed off as she turned the next page.
The picture there was stunning; a forest, but not like anything she'd ever seen before. The trees seemed to reach up endlessly into the sky, and every bit of space between them was filled with other plants, with huge leaves and colourful flowers everywhere. They gazed at the picture for a minute in awed silence before Hiccup reached around her to flip to the next page. It showed a market, but again everything seemed to be bigger and more colourful, fuller as if every tiny bit of space was stuffed with goods and wares and people. There were weapons, rolls of cloth, and an endless variety of objects Astrid couldn't even guess what they were supposed to be. And the scribe's subtext translation was useless, as Astrid opined, but that just made it more fun, as they could try to make up their own explanations.
"I agree, it's an interesting book," Hiccup commented cheerfully after Astrid had suggested that the giant wavy sword was clearly for slicing bread. But then he sobered up again and stroked the page almost reverently, looking at an image of an exotic banquet. His eyes were darting back and forth, trying to take in every detail. "I'd like to see more of the world one day, visit these places, see them with my own eyes. Maybe we can see them together one day."
Astrid hummed in agreement, her fingers caressing the back of his hand where it rested on the page. "I'd like that."
The book was full of more pictures, every single one just as wondrous as the others.
The chapter about foreign animals was entertaining, and the scribe's subtext was at least marginally useful as in they at least could read the headlines. They'd both heard of lions before, but the gigantic beast with a ridiculously long nose and ears called an elephant just baffled them both. However, trying to explain the different kinds of food in the following chapter was nigh on impossible. Astrid spotted something that looked somewhat like Heather's pastries, but that was about it.
There were more chapters, about clothing, buildings, and strange objects that apparently were part of daily life, and Hiccup and Astrid worked their way through them with much laughter and interest, always trying to come up with an explanation that was either sensible or as ridiculous as possible. It was fun even though Astrid was eager to get to the last chapter. She had, after all, flipped through the book before, and no matter how interesting the other chapters had been, this last one was the one that had really piqued her interest and prompted her to bring the book. Why she'd been allowed to have access to the book by her governess, she had no idea; probably the woman hadn't spotted those last few pages...
Innocently, she turned the page, and behind her, Hiccup sucked in a breath at the first picture of that last chapter. Astrid felt him shift slightly behind her, his fingers on her waist twitching.
"Well, I'd say that looks interesting," she commented merrily, intently eyeing the picture. It showed two people, a man lying behind a woman, both naked. In fact, it didn't look that different from how she and Hiccup often slept, with him curled around her back and their knees bent for comfort. But judging by the expressions on their faces, the people on this picture weren't sleeping. No, not at all.
"Yeah," Hiccup breathed. "Interesting…" He swallowed audibly, then turned the page with shaking fingers.
Astrid wondered idly what he'd hoped to see, but the low groan he made told her that it probably wasn't this. Another picture of two people, with the man somehow kneeling over one of the woman's legs while her other was lifted up and resting on his shoulder. Feeling a by now familiar tingle in her belly, Astrid tried to appear unperturbed as she flipped to the next page. "Oh, wow," she commented, disbelievingly. "This looks… is that even possible?"
"It is," Hiccup muttered, voice low and hoarse.
Astrid mused that, without her heavy dress cushioning his grip, there certainly would be finger-shaped bruises on her hips tomorrow with how tightly he gripped her now. But she honestly didn't care. Their explorations of each other had continued during the last two months, up to the point where he now at least allowed her to feel and touch him with her hand. However, he was still adamant about his rule, about not going too far. And although Astrid agreed, it was still fun to tease him, to try and get to him. And judging by something hard pressing against her rear right now, she'd been successful by bringing this of all books.
She was about to turn to the next picture, wondering what else they would show and how Hiccup would react, when Dagur's booming laughter sounded through the wooden wall toward them.
With a muttered curse, Hiccup hastily jumped off the bale. "You're horrible!" he groaned, even as he bent to place a quick kiss on her cheek. He obviously had no illusions about Astrid having brought this book by accident, but the twinkle in his eyes told her that he didn't mind. Not really at least.
Chuckling, Astrid closed it and put it at the bottom of the small stack of books she'd brought today, while Hiccup apparently decided that his state of enthusiasm demanded for him to hide in one of the stalls for now.
It was good that they had some semblance of routine by now, Astrid thought as she brushed off straw and dust from her skirt and shuffled back on the straw bale as if she'd been sitting there all on her own. The first few times, she and Hiccup had been nervous, sure that Eret and Dagur would notice something. But they didn't, and with that nervousness gone by now, it was easy to act as if nothing had happened. As if they hadn't spent the last couple of hours as close as they dared during the day, exchanging caresses, kisses, and soft words.
Just to look as if she was actually doing something, Astrid reached for an apple from their picnic basket, right before the door opened and Eret and Dagur came back in.
"Stop whatever you're doing and act normal. We're back," Dagur called jokingly, which drew a chorus of groans and practically audible eye-rolling from everyone else.
"You know, Dagur. The first time, this was a little bit funny, but by now, it's only boring," Astrid deadpanned. She didn't even need to act to sound accordingly bored. Sure, the first time hadn't been funny either, but at least the boring part was true by now.
Dagur, however, snickered nonetheless. "Well, you never know," he said as he led Squish back into his stall. "But even with nothing interesting happening here; Hiccup, you still better not tell your girlfriend that you once again spend the whole day alone with the Princess. We wouldn't want her to get jealous now, would we?" He laughed at his own childish joke again, but this time, Astrid couldn't help an amused smile from playing around her lips.
"I can assure you," she replied, trying to sound as unperturbed as she could, "there is no reason for his girlfriend to be jealous."
Dagur nodded. "I didn't think so anyway," he said, winking. "I vividly remember him swooning about her in that tavern. I have no doubts; he wouldn't risk anything that might have him lose her."
From the background, Hiccup called over, "And it wasn't even 'the entire day' this time anyway. It's barely past noon."
But Dagur didn't react to Hiccup's attempt at changing the subject. Instead, he turned more serious all of a sudden. "I was just thinking that she'd certainly like to spend these last days with you too. It can't be easy for you to be separated for so long."
"Woah, Dagur, way to kill the mood," Eret mumbled, saying exactly what Astrid was thinking.
She ducked her head, glad that nobody was paying her any mind anyway with them all being busy with their horses. The last hour of teasing and laughing with Hiccup had effectively wiped away those gloomy thoughts, but now, it all came crashing down on her again. Only three days, and then Hiccup wouldn't be here anymore. Three days before the months of separation where they wouldn't even be able to exchange small letters or notes. Once more, she feverishly tried to think of any way that would allow Eret and therefore Hiccup to stay just a little bit longer. But, as always, she came up empty-handed.
"I guess we better get going," Eret said as soon as Crusher and Squish were cared for. "There's still a little time, but I promised Ruff you'd be back in time, and I really don't need for them to play some last prank on me just for letting them wait. Besides, there's a party waiting for us."
With a sigh, Astrid nodded. Snot's accolade was a good-enough reason to leave the stables, a happy occasion, all in all. Yes, she'd rather stay here with Hiccup, spend as much time with him as possible while they could, but she was also looking forward to meeting up with yet another of her adoptive brothers and to celebrate his big day with him. And the knowledge that she'd be here with Hiccup in only a couple of hours again made parting easier.
"I wonder what stories the Snotman will try to sell us this time," Dagur wondered as they made their way back to the castle. "It's always too funny to compare his exaggerations with what really happened when Daniel tells us about it later."
"Or watch him flirt excessively," Eret added, chuckling. "He's hopeless."
They all burst out into laughter, and Astrid felt the tension in her body lessen. It wasn't all bad, she reminded herself. Her eyes wandered to the little pond as they passed it, to her beloved swans. But the surface was empty except for a handful of ducks, and, a little disappointed, her mind drifted back to the conversation.
"Ah, I think you're a little mean," she gently chided her brothers. "He's allowed to flirt, remember? Just because you don't feel like it doesn't mean he can't. And he's polite enough about it anyway; I have yet to meet someone who complained about him."
Laughing with good humour, Eret and Dagur agreed.
"Yes! The Snotman never gets complaints!" Dagur said.
"He's too suave and debonair," Eret commented, and with that, they continued on up to the path to the castle.
. o O o .
Dressing for the accolade took a while; her outfit for the night featured a gown of black satin with silver detailing, and was accessorized with a silver version of her swan coronet and a delicate silver brooch of a bear. But eventually she was deemed sufficient to outshine any of the other noblewomen in attendance and Tuff escorted her to the throne room. On her way, she mused about how different she felt compared to the other times she'd been about to reunite with one of her brothers lately.
For Eret's accolade, her head had been filled with wayward thoughts about that stable boy she'd met, mourning about how she would never see him again. And later, she'd feared Hiccup might do something stupid, exposing himself during Eret's accolade. And with Dagur at their reception, she'd been so afraid what could happen to Hiccup if Eret had seen them touching, and then there'd been Harold–
With force, Astrid pushed that thought out of her mind. She didn't want to think about Harold, not ever again. He didn't matter.
Taking a deep breath, she instead focused on what lay ahead of her. Snot's accolade, the last big social occasion for a good while. Knowing that Hiccup wouldn't be there tonight saddened her a little, but she knew that he was still avoiding bigger gatherings of noblemen if he could in order to not get recognised. She still hadn't gotten around to actually ask him who he'd been before. But there had never been the right moment, and somehow, it didn't really matter anyway. She knew who he was right now, knew that he was her future, and that was all she needed. Especially now with their separation looming over them.
A little while later, she sat in her usual smaller throne, next to her father and surrounded by the Fyrirs, and watched as the relatively short procession from Westhill entered the throne room. Off to the side were Sir Eret, Sir Dagur, and the Grand Duke of Eastervale – with Grand Duke Oswald currently convalescing from a debilitating but thankfully not life-threatening illness. While they were not part of the official witnesses, they were certainly more important than the other visitors of lower rank. When Snotlout came into view, wearing a black satin tabard with House Jorgenson's bear embroidered in silver threads over a silken black shirt and silver chainmail, Astrid couldn't help but grin. Both Eret and Dagur had looked rather funny in their exaggerated outfits, but for Snot, it somehow worked. He'd always been focused on how he looked, after all, and today he looked splendid.
Reaching the foot of the thrones, he went to one knee and bowed his head.
Try as she might, Astrid found herself losing focus as Snot recited the formulaic oaths. She'd heard them so many times before, after all. Instead, she found herself wondering how Hiccup would sound when he knelt where Snotlout was right now. Would she be able to keep a straight face when Hiccup swore before the gods to always defend a lady's honour? The rest of the oaths, though, yes, she could see him managing those parts with panache. Always telling the truth... well, he could bend it like a pretzel, but he didn't lie. Devoted to the gods, his lord, and the Temple? Definitely. Act with honour and charity and kindness? She managed to keep from scoffing and disrupting Snotlout's accolade only because her princess mask was on. But the thought of Hiccup acting unkindly or with dishonour... no, it was rightly absurd. And the rest of it – oaths detailing preparedness for war and courage on the battlefield, and more? There was no doubt in her mind that he would excel.
Her father tapped Snotlout on the shoulders with Astrid's grandfather's sword – still sharp enough to shave with, according to Eret – and the newly minted Sir Snotlout of House Jorgenson rose back to his feet. He had a proud grin on his face, which grew even wider as he received similar gifts as Eret and Dagur had gotten before him, the traditional helmet and the additional sword and scabbard ornate with a bear and a swan in black and silver.
"Congratulations, man," Eret greeted him with a slap to the shoulder after the stiff formation was loosing up.
"Yes, yes, thank you," Snot grumbled. "Just don't break my shoulder right away, all right? I still need it, you know?" His words held no venom though, and a moment later, another grin spread across his face. "Oh man, it's really good to see you again. I didn't think it possible, but I actually missed you guys. It's good to see a couple of familiar faces in-between the thousands of nameless ones passing through Westhill these days."
"Aww, we missed you too," Dagur crooned and took Snot into an exaggerated hug. It made Snot protest, though not for long, and they all ended up laughing freely.
"It really is good to see you, Snot," Eret eventually agreed after they'd calmed again. "It's been too long. Two years now?"
Snotlout nodded. "Aye. I wish we could have come last year, but it's all chaos. The number of bandit and raider groups is growing, outposts are falling apart, and everybody, soldiers and residents alike, are losing their will to live. This war is going on for far too long now."
"Well, then it's up to us to change that, I guess," Dagur threw in, grinning. "But what about Daniel? I assume you met with him? How are his repairs of the outposts going? And what was the name of that other place? Redpeak?"
Snot nodded. "Aye, I've seen him, but only briefly; we barely got the chance to talk for longer than an hour. The repairs though..." he paused, frowning, then went on, "Well, it was quite a surprise to learn that he wouldn't see to the repairs of the outposts this year after all. Father was furious. Although, there seemed to be have been a good reason for the change of plans, because once Daniel and Father talked about it, my old man was far more agreeable. Do you guys know anything about it?"
"Not much," Eret said, shrugging. "Only that he wanted to alter Redpeak instead of the repairs, because something important came up, leaving him with less time than originally planned for. But I assume that is a good enough alternative, from the little I understood?"
Snot nodded again, even though he was still frowning. "It is. If he manages to make Redpeak usable, that would truly be an invaluable asset. Father's change of mind still surprised me though. Didn't think he'd take another delay so lightly. Ah, well, his actions rarely make sense to me anyway, so whatever." He shrugged the topic off, then turned with a grin and a twinkle in his eyes toward Astrid. "But I'm sorry, I forgot my manners. Fair Lady, please excuse me for not properly greeting you directly. May I say that you became even more beautiful since the last time we met? Seriously, your beauty is dazzling. If only we could bottle it and release it onto our enemies; they would stop fighting immediately and freeze in awe."
From nearly anyone else, words like these would have annoyed Astrid to no end. But this was Snot, and she knew well enough how to handle him. "Oh, stop that, you idiot," she snorted, and gave him a light punch to the shoulder. Certainly not suitable behaviour for the Princess, but they all knew how to take it, and Astrid didn't care much what others thought.
Snot burst out laughing, then took her into a friendly hug. "It's good to see you again, little sis. But I mean it, you did become more beautiful."
He winked at her as they parted, and, with a fond smile, Astrid rolled her eyes at him. Snot was and always had been a gigantic flirt. That was just who he was, but Astrid knew just how to take it. His compliments came freely, but they were honest, and even with his braggy and sometimes over-confident behaviour, he never crossed the line toward being obtrusive. He just loved the ladies, and more often than not, the ladies were quite fond of him too.
Still shaking her head with amusement over how Snot would probably never change, it surprised her when suddenly an unfamiliar voice spoke up, more closely than she'd expected for any stranger to come.
"Um, sir? How long am I supposed to wait here?"
Frowning, Astrid turned toward the source of that voice, just like Dagur and Eret did, while Snot let out a low groan. Behind him stood a boy, which he then led forward with a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Right," Snotlout muttered. "May I introduce Her Royal Highness, Princess Astrid of House Hofferson, and the ducal heirs Sir Eret of House Jag'r and Sir Dagur of House Berserker. And this is Gustav of House Larsson, my squire."
Snot waved his hand from one to the other, and Astrid inspected the boy with a guarded expression. Even though the boy didn't look anything like Dagur's former squire had looked, meeting him still brought back memories of Harold. But just like before, she fought them down immediately, and once again wished that Hiccup was here. Even as she knew that he wouldn't be able to do much – certainly not hold her, claim her, and keep other men from approaching her – him just being here, near to her, would have been good.
"How did you manage that?" cut Dagur's amused snicker into her thoughts, and Astrid focused on him instead of her dark mood. She threw Dagur a questioning look who was looking at the boy with clear amusement. "Where did you find a younger and even shorter copy of yourself?" Both he and Eret were visibly fighting laughter, and Astrid threw another look at the boy Gustav. And had to bite back a giggle too.
Even though he was much younger and, indeed, shorter than Snot, Gustav looked eerily similar to his master. Not as if they were related though, but more as if the boy actively tried to look as much like his master as was possible. Which was confirmed as the boy began to speak again.
"I've been looking up to Lo– Sir Snotlout for all my life," he declared, beaming. "I always wanted to be just like him, a great warrior, beloved and admired wherever he goes, and I'm so grateful that he agreed to take me as his squire."
"'Beloved and admired wherever he goes'... Is that what you told him?" Dagur was barely able to keep himself together anymore.
"Hey, it's the truth," Snot shrugged, grinning. "I'm a hero, and everybody loves me."
Astrid felt as if a good smack on the head would do her brothers good, all of them, but before she could say or do anything else, Gustav turned his attention toward her.
"And I agree with my master. Highness, you really are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said, grinning, bowed, and reached for her hand to place a kiss on its back.
There was a moment of tense silence, Dagur and Eret momentarily sobering up again. But before either of them could say anything, Snot beat them to it. "Woah, Gustav, back off. I know you don't know better so I'll leave it at that. But for the future, no hitting on the Princess. She's like a sister to me, so that's just creepy."
Gustav looked clearly puzzled. "But you–"
"I know her since she was born," Snot interrupted him sternly. "And she knows it was just for fun. But I don't want to see anything like this ever again. Understood?"
"Yes, master," the boy said, obediently and clearly remorseful. "Please, excuse my bluntness, Your Highness. I-I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I'll retreat now, if I may?"
"Yes, you are dismissed," Snot waved him off, not without a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder, and then Gustav disappeared into the crowd.
"I'm sorry for that," Snot said with a light shrug. "He tries to be just like me, but doesn't know yet when to say something and when to hold his tongue. Something like that won't happen again."
Astrid nodded, arms wrapped around herself. She felt as if she ought to say something, but didn't know what, couldn't find her voice.
"You better make sure it doesn't," Dagur muttered, voice more serious than it had been all evening. From the corner of her eye, Astrid noticed him and Eret exchanging a quick glance, then Dagur pulled Snot to the side, talking in quiet voices. She could imagine all too well what Dagur was telling him, but she didn't want to think about Harold again. Instead, she focused on Eret's hand on her back as he led her to one of the high tables and gladly accepted the glass of wine after he'd waved over a servant.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.
Astrid took a moment, but then nodded. "Yes, I am," she murmured. "I'm over what happened with... with Harold. I'm fine." She glanced up at Eret and gave him a weak if true smile. And she meant it. Sure, Gustav had woken unpleasant memories, but she wouldn't let them rule her.
And to her relief, Eret believed her. He nodded, a faint smile on his lips. "Okay. But promise me to tell me if something's bothering you after all, okay? You only need to say it, and we'll take care of it, whatever it is."
His words made her laugh, warming her from the inside even though she knew he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. "Thank you. Really. But Gustav is not a problem."
Eret nodded again, but his expression became serious nonetheless. "Then what is? Because I can see that you're not happy."
Astrid's smile turned a little sad, and she averted her eyes. Eret knew her too well. She contemplated shrugging his concerns off, but she didn't feel like lying again, especially not to him.
"I'm not," she admitted. She hesitated, then nodded toward an empty sitting corner near a big window. They walked there, and once they'd sat down, Astrid continued. "You're right, I'm not happy. But even though I appreciate your promise to 'take care of it', I fear you won't be able to." Eret frowned, so, after biting her lip, she went on, at least telling him all she could tell him. "I wish you wouldn't have to leave," she said with shaky laughter. "I-I got quite used to... all your presence during the last few months, and I fear how it will be once you're all gone again." It wasn't a lie. It wasn't just that the thought of being separated from Hiccup was tearing her apart; she would also miss Eret and Dagur, and Snot as well, and feared falling into a hole of loneliness once they were gone.
Eret grimaced, and soothingly rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Yeah… You're right, there's not much we can do about that. I don't think we can put off returning much longer. The weather is warm enough by now, and the herd needs to return to our pasturage lands." He sighed, but then perked his head up with a wide grin. "But how about you visited us? You could come as guest of honour to Ester's wedding? I'm sure your father would support such a show of allegiance, and my sister would be honoured to have you there. Maybe you could stay a couple of weeks, keep Mirja company so she doesn't feel too lonely at first. And we could go on rides through the countryside; I could show you the lands and the people." He gave a little shrug. "What do you say?"
"That would be wonderful!" Astrid agreed, a hopeful smile on her face. "And yes, I'm sure Father would allow that. That's just the kind of representative duty I'm supposed to undertake as Princess, isn't it?" She could literally feel her mood rising higher and higher the longer she thought about Eret's suggestion. Getting out, getting to see more of their Kingdom, their people, spending time with Eret and his family, with the horses – and with Hiccup! If her father agreed, then they wouldn't be separated for months on end after all. Sure, they would need to find new ways to meet in Eastervale, but that certainly would be manageable. A part of her wanted to jump up and ask her father right away, but she knew tonight was not the time. However, she would ask him as soon as possible.
"I'm glad I was able to lighten your mood," Eret mused, smiling. "This is supposed to be a party, after all. Come on, let's find Dag and Snot, and celebrate."
Astrid spent the rest of the party in a surprisingly good mood, surprising to her at least. Despite the happy occasion and finally seeing Snot again, she hadn't expected to really feel happy until she met up with Hiccup again later. But with the prospect of Eret's suggestion and the cheerful company of her brothers, the night was filled with laughter and joy.
They spent hours reminiscing on fond memories and catching up on what had happened to all of them lately, and eventually – on Eret's suggestion – crashed the party by turning it into a ball once more. At first, Snot had been reluctant, worried about how his father would certainly scold him for acting improperly. But with Dagur's encouraging teasing and Eret's reasoning about how this was Snot's day and not his father's, he was eventually convinced. They took turns dancing with Astrid, and before long more and more couples were joining them, the good mood quickly becoming contagious.
All in all, the day ended much better than Astrid had originally anticipated.
. o O o .
"Oh, Freya…" Hiccup moaned, a shiver running through his entire body. Astrid could tell that he was fighting to keep his eyes open, to keep looking at her, but every so often they fluttered shut despite his best efforts.
Astrid loved watching Hiccup like this. Because she was doing this! Everything, his pressed noises, his dazed eyes being unable to focus, his accelerated breathing, his flushed face, and his hands helplessly clenching at the straw beneath – all that were reactions to what she did, and it never ceased to fill her with amazement.
With measured motions, she kept stroking him, thrilling in the moment. It was only recently that Hiccup had loosened his strict rule, had allowed this to happen. He had been reluctant at first, but her curiosity and her reasoning that, even with her hand inside his trousers, he was still wearing them, had finally won him over. And by now, he certainly didn't mind anymore anyway.
With a low groan, he gave in to her touch and let his head drop back into the straw, eyes closed. Freya, she loved doing this, all of it. Feeling him in her hand, hot and pulsing, was an incredible sensation, but seeing just how much Hiccup enjoyed her touch was something else altogether. She could have done this all night, but as so often, he eventually stopped her.
Without saying a word, Hiccup reached for her hand, and gently pushed her down into the straw. His kisses were surprisingly soft and sweet, despite the intense fire burning in his eyes. Astrid would have liked to go on, to make him come with her own hand, but she also didn't mind as he blanketed her with his body, his hand wandering beneath her skirts. With maddening slowness, he stroked the pleasant warmth inside her into a raging fire, grinding into her until it consumed them both.
"And good evening to you too, milady," Hiccup murmured into her hair as they both floated down back to reality. His voice was soft, thick with longing and love. "I'm glad to see you in a more cheerful mood. I reckon the party was to your liking then?"
Sighing contentedly, Astrid snuggled deeper into Hiccup's warm embrace, amused by how, once again, they hadn't gotten around to talk before. "Yeah, it was okay," she hummed. "Better than expected. It was great to see Snot again after so long. He really hasn't changed a bit. And Eret once again turned the occasion into some kind of ball. Uncle Spite wasn't happy about the breach of decorum, I think. But Father didn't seem to mind, even smiled when he saw how much fun we had, so Uncle Spite couldn't really say anything."
"Yeah, that does sound like fun," Hiccup chuckled, then sighed. "I just wish…"
"...that you could've been there as well?" she continued when he didn't, and Hiccup nodded. "Yeah, me too."
Hiccup shifted and, leaning over her, placed a soft kiss to her cheek. "One day, we will dance together," he promised, murmuring against her skin. "I'll come to you, open and for everyone to see, and ask you for a dance. Maybe they would stare and wonder, but it won't matter. There will be only you and me. Forever."
Astrid chuckled at his mellow words, even as the picture they painted was a beautiful one. "What makes you think you'll be the on to ask?" she replied, and turned her head to seek his skin with her lips. "Maybe it'll be ladies' choice. I'd walk along the line of waiting men, not seeing any of them, only you…" she trailed off, humming against Hiccup's lips as he kissed her.
"One day," he murmured again.
Astrid pressed herself closer to his warmth, and nodded. One day they would be able to dance like that. She could hardly wait. But until then, they would still have to wait two long years, maybe even longer. And most of the time would stretch out endlessly.
"Oh, right," she exclaimed when that thought stirred another one. "Eret suggested I should come and visit you."
Hiccup seemed to need a moment before the words fully sank in. Then he pushed himself up in a halfway-sitting position. "What?" he exclaimed. "Did… did you tell him after all?" There was disbelieve on his face, but Astrid directly shook her head.
"No, of course not. I just… well, he asked what was upsetting me, and I told him that I'm sad you're all leaving so soon."
Hiccup nodded, frowning, and Astrid suppressed a sigh. She knew that Hiccup thought letting at least Eret in on their secret would be beneficial. And maybe he was right, maybe Eret wouldn't tell on them. But even if he didn't – what good would it do them? She remembered Eret's promise from earlier that night; how he would take care of whatever bothered her and how she'd instantly thought that he would never be able to keep that promise. As important as he might be, he still held no real power, just like herself. He couldn't change his House's plans so that he and Hiccup would stay here longer, nor could he gift Hiccup land and title. All telling him about her and Hiccup would do would be forcing him to lie for them.
"So, what did he mean about you visiting?" Hiccup eventually asked.
Astrid turned in his embrace so that she was able to look at him. "He suggested I should come for his sister's wedding. Stay a couple of weeks." She chuckled lightly. "It would still be a while until then, but it would at least be something?"
Hiccup nodded, hope gleaming in his eyes. "It would. Certainly better than not seeing you at all until next fall. I mean, sure, Eret and I are going to stop here before we head for Westhill and on our way back as well. But those would only be a couple of days at best."
The prospect of those weeks in Eastervale helped soothe both their minds. The separation was still looming over them like a sword, but at least the burden was lighter now.
For a while, they settled for comfortable cuddles and soft caresses, both basking in each other's presence. The day had been a long one with the hours here at the stables in the morning, getting ready for the accolade, and the festivities themselves. But even though she was tired, Astrid didn't want to sleep. Not yet. Too precious were these last nights she could spend with Hiccup to waste them. Instead, she stirred as her mind threatened to drift off after all, and sat up.
"So, where did you store that book we were looking at earlier?"
Hiccup looked up at her, with only one eye open but his lips were stretched into a tiny smirk. "Really? That's what you want to do now? Look some more at those pictures?"
She shrugged, managing something like an innocent but curious smile, and Hiccup laughed. They settled much like they had this morning, Astrid's back against Hiccup's chest and him looking down at the book in her lap over her shoulder. And despite Hiccup being far more relaxed than he had been earlier, she could still feel him stir again behind her after a while.
"Dear, Freya… I never thought you'd be that interested in looking at such pictures," Hiccup muttered against her shoulder at some point, his fingers around her hips flexing.
Astrid giggled. "You don't seem to mind them either. Although, I'm mostly curious. I never knew there were so many… options. I mean, I already knew about this–" she pointed at a drawing of a woman riding a man, "–but this one looks a bit odd," she commented the next, showing the woman on her hands and knees with the man kneeling behind her. "I can't imagine that to be very comfortable."
"It's not supposed to be comfortable, exactly," Hiccup murmured. "But it's certainly not bad either. It's actually a good position, you– the woman is supposed to feel more that way."
Leaning back against him, she hummed. "Mmh, can't wait until we can try all these."
Hiccup chuckled, breathlessly. "Yeah, me neither."
They flipped on through the pages, commenting on every single one. Astrid enjoyed winding Hiccup up a little. She understood his caution, she really did. But, Freya, she didn't want to wait two more years. She wanted it all, now. She might be sensible enough not to push for it, but she could still dream.
"Huh… what's this?" she asked when they reached a drawing where the man's head was hardly visible, hidden between the woman's legs.
Behind her, Hiccup whimpered, his face pressed into the crook between her neck and her shoulder.
"Hiccup?"
"I'm okay," he mumbled. "It's just… Gods, I'm dying to do this with you."
Astrid glanced back at the page, giving it a closer look. But no matter how hard she tried, it didn't make much sense to her. "What… is it?"
Hiccup, noticeably pulling himself together, swallowed. "It… it's going down on you with my mouth. Making you come with my lips and tongue, licking and sucking and… and tasting you…" He broke off, his fingers on her waist almost bruising.
Astrid felt heat rise to her cheeks. She loved how his mouth felt on her skin, her neck and her breasts especially. But the idea of feeling him there…
"Why don't you?" she asked, voice trembling slightly. "It wouldn't… break any rules, would it?"
Slowly, he shook his head. "No, it wouldn't," he affirmed, slowly. "It's just that… I don't know. It's something different, special in a way. Or it feels that way to me, at least. And, well... I wanted to keep that for our wedding night." He chuckled, sounding a little embarrassed.
Another kind of fire rose inside her at his words, not the heat of desire like before but more the comfortable warmth of love. Their wedding… Gods, if only they'd reached that day already.
The next page showed a reverse of the previous, the woman with her head between the man's legs. But upon her question whether she could try this in return, Hiccup merely chuckled. She probably could… but he'd rather she be more experienced all over before she tried this. They moved on through more intriguing-looking pictures, one even seeming to be a combination of those other two, until they reach one that made Astrid laugh.
"Oh, look. They got it wrong there," she snickered. Sure, she hardly knew anything about sex herself, but even she knew that that wasn't supposed to go in there.
Hiccup choked on a suppressed laughter. "Actually, no, that's exactly how they mean it," he commented rather cheerfully. Astrid turned to give him an incredulous look, but Hiccup just shrugged. "Hey, it's possible, obviously."
"But…" she sputtered. "But that's…" She glanced back at the page, checking whether she'd gotten it right.
"It's actually not that much different," Hiccup explained in a calmer tone, his smile still audible though. "I mean, of course, it doesn't feel the same. But it can still feel really good too; mostly for men but for women too. It's actually what Eret and Dagur do all the time, or how did you imagine they do it?"
"I…" Astrid began, frowning, but didn't continue. She actually hadn't thought about that technicality so far. But of course, it made sense. She leaned down to study the picture closer, thinking.
"We could do this… couldn't we?"
Behind her, Hiccup instantly sobered up, stiffening. "Astrid," he began, but she interrupted him directly.
"No, listen. From how I understand, this wouldn't break my maidenhead, right?"
Hiccup nodded, reluctantly. "Right, but–"
"And it also couldn't get me pregnant, right?"
"Yes, but–"
"No but," Astrid interrupted him again, excited now. "We could do this, couldn't we? Before you have to leave? Just once?" She'd turned around to fully look at Hiccup now, a strange hope flaring up inside her. She couldn't even say why this was so important to her all of a sudden. But from one moment to the other, the longing to just be that close to him before they had to part, just once, became overwhelming.
But Hiccup was unyielding. "Astrid, this is madness," he tried to dissuade her. "Anal sex… that's not the best thing to start with. Besides, I don't know nearly enough about it, only did it a couple of times. I-I wouldn't know what I need to do in order to not hurt your, or–"
"Then you can ask Cami when you go see her tomorrow," Astrid suggested, brushing all his concerns aside. She was hooked now. "And I trust you. You won't hurt me," she added, then paused when something else occurred to her. "Unless… unless you don't want to do it?"
Hiccup had seemed more and more troubled, but at her last words, his frown broke into a soft smile. "Of course I want to," he assured her. "I just want to do it right, you know? I don't want to rush anything, and this," he paused, gulping. "This feels like… cheating, you know? And..."
For a moment, his eyes glazed over a little, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. It was just for the blink of an eye, but it told Astrid enough. Yes, he was more than interested, only his sense of responsibility holding him back. She shifted closer, idly entangling her fingers with his. "Look, I understand. But can we at least consider it? Not for right now. But can we at least give it a try? Can you ask Cami about it tomorrow; what she thinks about it, what you'd need to know. And then we decide?"
At first, Hiccup still hesitated. But then he gave in, to his own curiosity and her eagerness alike. "Okay. I'll talk to Cami about it tomorrow. But no promises, okay? If she says that it's not a good idea for whatever reason, then that's it, all right?"
Astrid pouted, but agreed. From the few times they'd met by now on various occasions, she knew that Cami was anything but prudish. She certainly wouldn't be all that reluctant… or if she was then probably for a good reason.
. o O o .
Ah, yes... Astrid really is quite thirsty, isn't she? But let's be honest, who can blame her?
So, the last months have been easier for Hiccup and Astrid than they'd thought. But will that be true for the coming months as well? What will the future bring?
As always, I'm looking forward to hearing what you think :)