Chapter 10 – Make love to me

Two hours later, Brian and Justin stepped out from Daphne's room. She had finally cried herself to sleep. Brian decided it was time to go home. They were both exhausted.

As they stepped out, Ben's offer to drive them to the loft was welcomed. Emmett drove Ben's car.

Matt stayed at the hospital, and Ben said that he would come by tomorrow morning.

As Brian opened the door, he saw Jennifer fixing a plate of food for them. As soon as she heard the door, she put the plate in the fridge and headed down to her guestroom.

Brian led Justin into the bedroom and slowly took off his coat and shoes. Without a word, Justin sat on the edge of the bed. Brian went to the bathroom, and came back with two pills for Justin and a glass of water. Brian put the pills on the nightstand, took off his own coat, shoes, pants and shirt, and put on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. He sat down near Justin, "Come on, I'll help you with your clothes." Justin only nodded. Brian removed Justin's shirt, then his trousers, and his socks, leaving him only in his boxers and tee-shirt. Justin was sitting on the bed rocking slowly back and forth. When Brian handed him the pills he shook his head, no.

Without a word, Brian pulled him against his chest and laid them down on the bed, pulling the duvet around them. He spooned himself behind Justin, running his hand up and down his lover's arms. He could feel the tension in Justin's body, but couldn't do anything about it.

"Did you see his face? He was so peaceful," Justin's voice was just above a whisper. And that made Brian's heart ache, more than anything. Yes he had seen the face of their little angel, before they left the hospital. He saw the baby in the crib, and it had looked like he was sleeping; but he had died hours before.

"He had Daphne's hair and beautiful skin," Brian tried to fight the lump in his throat.

"Do you know he would have been yours too?" continued Justin, Brian's heart ached more. "Daphne told me before we left that she wanted us to call the baby Chanders Taylor Kinney."

Brian tightened his hold on Justin, "I know Sunshine, I know."

Justin inhaled deeply, "Brian I'm so lost."

"I know tell me what I can do."

"Hold me? Tell me that everything will be all right." Justin pleaded.

"I'll hold you, Sunshine, I'll hold you. I won't let you go. But I won't lie to you, everything won't be all right for awhile, but I will say that we will face this together, I won't let you go!" he tightened his hold even more. He slowly turned Justin against him, caressing his cheek with his thumb. Looking deep into the watery eyes he pushed some hair from his forehead. He wanted to scream how unfair all of this was, that Justin didn't have to suffer, that he had suffered enough, but for the moment, it was too difficult to speak. He tried to focus on the only important thing at that moment, Justin.

He leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against Justin's, not really touching, just grazing. Justin moved his hands against Brian's back, pulling Brian's mouth to his own. Justin's soft lips parted, allowing Brian's tongue to plunge deeply into his mouth. They fought for dominance; Justin gave up the battle, just let his hand run down Brian's chest until he reached the hem of his shirt. He slid his hand beneath the cotton material to feel his skin. He could feel Brian's hand on his back pulling his own shirt up. Breaking the kiss to discard both shirts, Brian moved his mouth against Justin's ear, licking the soft spot between his ear and his neck. He moved his mouth to Justin's ear, "I love you."

It's been awhile since he told Justin those three words, but right now he felt the need to say them. Hearing the words, a soft moan escaped Justin's mouth, and his grip on Brian's body became more demanding. They made short work of the clothes they had on, and within seconds, they laid naked against each other. A little moan escaped Brian's lips, as Justin kissed him with open mouthed kisses along his collarbone and made his way down Brian's chest, dominating the moment.

Usually, Brian wouldn't mind, but tonight that wasn't his plan. He didn't want to use sex as an escape, either for him or for Justin. He wanted to prove that despite everything that had happened today, Justin had the right to be loved.

"No, no, Justin," whispered Brian. "'Come here."

As Brian looked up, he saw in Justin's blue eyes only lust and raw desire. That wasn't the way he wanted to make the young man forget.

Brian tried to soothe Justin, with slow touches, but it didn't work. Justin's left hand tightened on Brian's back trying to take control. Brian kissed him one more time, letting his right hand run up and down Justin's chest, wandering along his hips, and returning to his chest to finally end running along Justin's left arm. Never breaking the kiss, he tried to bring Justin from raw desire, to lovemaking.

It wasn't the first time they played this song, to bring his lover from one state to another. But tonight it was different, more difficult. Justin wanted to forget, to drown into an old mechanism, he fought for dominance, for control by deepening the kiss, tightening his grip on Brian's back, trying to unbalance them, to be on top, to be the one in charge.


A few years ago, Brian would have gone to Babylon, and would have drowned his pain and sorrow into a willing ass or mouth, or both, depending on his state of drunkenness or how high he was. The fucks would have been fast, furious and almost violent. But, now, the only thing he wanted was to manage his pain with the man beneath him.

Moving his right hand to find Justin's left, he entwined their fingers, and with the other hand, kept brushing, Justin's cheek. He reiterated the three little words, "I love you." Justin's eyes opened and Brian said it again, "I love you Justin Taylor Kinney."

Brian had said those words only once, in October 2005, the day they signed the papers for their non-conventional union. The six words had an immediate effect, Justin tightened his grip on Brian's hand, his eyes filled with tears, and love, the raw lust, and need having vanished.

Brian cupped Justin's head in his hand and brought his lips back against his. He pushed Justin on the bed, and laid on top of him. He ran his hand against Justin's side, and said something he never said, "No escape, no pain management, and no wild ride." He closed his eyes briefly, and then whispered, "I want us to make love." He caressed his lover waiting for an answer, he knew that he must have shocked him, but they had played the "I won't say anything" long enough. Justin looked into Brian's eyes, as a single tear found its way down his cheek, and whispered back hoarsely, "Yes, make love to me."

Brian knew that it wasn't right to find escape in sex, but tonight was different. They needed the connection to prove to themselves that they were still alive, that they were still able to love and to be loved in return.

Looking at the young man, Brian leaned in, and brushed his lips slightly, deepening the kiss tenderly. Justin shifted under him, slowly spreading his legs. Brian's right hand wandered from Justin's chest to his hips, and along his left leg, caressing, and pulling on Justin's leg and his waist. He moved back, caressing the whole leg, until he got to the hips. Tracing small circles he looked once more into Justin's eyes to make sure there would be no remorse tomorrow morning. Seeing that he was ok, Brian made his way up Justin's body to finish on his left hand.

He extended his arm, reached for the lube, and placed some on his fingers. With feathery kisses, he slowly, brought his hand between their bodies, and began to run his fingers along Justin's opening. He looked up drowning in the blue eyes looking at him. He gently pushed in one finger, watching how the emotions showed on Justin's face. As Justin began to push back, he added a second finger, and slowly slid them in and out, going deeper with each thrust and stretching Justin's hole.

They never broke eye contact and he knew Justin was ready the moment he felt himself being hugged tighter. He surrendered his mouth to the searing kiss as he felt an amazingly strong leg wrap around his waist. Brian pulled his fingers back and Justin groaned from the loss. He placed the head of his cock at Justin's waiting hole, looking one more time into Justin's eyes. A little nod from Justin and Brian was taken away from reality, transported to the very first night they met. Brian remembered that look - trust, fear, and lust, everything in one, the same look that he had that first night. And that night, he told him, that he loved him. And he knew it was the truth.

Seeing the hesitation in his lover, Justin reached out to caress his cheek. "Brian, do it, fuck me..." Justin begged him. Brian closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and in one slow movement, he slid deep into Justin. A small gasp made him open his eyes. Leaning forward slowly he kissed Justin deeply, waiting for him to adjust. Justin began to rock his hips slowly, and Brian moved with him in rhythm. With each thrust he pulled out until the head of his cock was almost out, and then he plunged deep into Justin, trying to go deeper each time.

He never thought doing it raw could be so overwhelming even after so long. Brian always thought that being monogamous would be boring, but no, with Justin, it was always something new, something different.

Justin's moans brought Brian back to reality, he pushed deeper, knowing he just hit that little spot that would drive Justin crazy, and would bring him over the edge. They broke the kiss for only a second, to catch their breath, and Brian noticed that Justin's face was a little flushed and covered with sweat. Justin licked his lips, and kissed Brian again. He tightened his grip with his legs around Brian's waist, pulling him closer.

With that move, Brian knew that Justin was close; he slowed their rhythm, trying to make it last longer. He stopped his moves and slid his arms under Justin's body, putting all his weight for a short moment on Justin's chest. Then using his right hand as leverage, he pushed against the mattress and lifted both of their bodies. Justin tightened his grip around his waist and on his shoulder. Still embedded in Justin's body, Brian pulled himself up, to end in a kneeling position. The movement made Justin moan and tighten his grip, pressing his hard on into Brian's belly. Each touch, each movement was overwhelming, for both men.

"Bri… an"

"Hmm".

"Feels good."

"I know."

Slowly, Justin released the grip of his legs around Brian's waist, putting them down on the bed, never breaking the connection between them. Brian began to move lightly back and forth, his hands running up and down Justin's spine. Justin's mouth trailed down Brian's jaw, kissing and licking the soft flesh, eliciting some moans from him, his hands running through Brian's hair.

Brian closed his eyes, letting, the sensation pass through him. Justin's mouth captured Brian's and he kissed him softly and slowly. The loving kiss became deeper, more passionate, heated and more demanding. Brian plunged his tongue deep into Justin's mouth to claim him as his own, never breaking the contact between them. Justin began to match Brian's slow hip movements. Brian felt Justin's precum on his belly, and knew the friction between their two bodies made it difficult to last much longer.

Brian tightened his hold on Justin, and without a word Justin replaced his legs around Brian's waist. He entwined his hand with Justin's, and used the other as support. Justin pushed back to match the long and deep strokes from Brian. He began to cum, and he tightened his hold around Brian's cock. With his free hand he gripped Brian's hair and pulled him down for a kiss. He tried to say something, "Bri …" but Brian pushed his tongue deeper into Justin's mouth matching his own thrust.

Brian knew they were close, his only desire was to reach their climax together. A loud moan passed Justin's lips as he arched his back and shot his load between their bodies. Feeling Justin's grip around his cock, Brian followed with his climax, pushing one more time into Justin and shooting his load deep inside his lover.

Brian collapsed onto Justin, both trying to catch their breath. After a few moments, he decided to pull back and to slip slowly out of his lover. Sensing Brian moving, Justin reached out to pull Brian's lips against his own not wanting to break the moment, "Please stay."

"You want me to stay?" Slight nod.

Brian put his arms around Justin's body, trying not to crush him with his weight, but Justin pulled him closer. Brian began to rock his now soft cock slowly, still deeply buried in Justin's hole, as Justin matched his rocking using his right leg as leverage. With a tenderness he had never experienced before, Brian began to caress his lover's body. And Justin kissed him with open-mouthed kisses trailing along his jaw.

Brian felt his erection coming back and broke the kiss, looking in Justin's eyes to see if he was ok. Justin offered him a beautiful Sunshine smile the most beautiful thing Brian had seen in the last 48 hours. He began to thrust a little harder, until he heard Justin, "Faster, please."

Justin moaned from the overwhelming sensation, his own cock hardening again too. Brian slid his hand between their bodies, reaching for Justin's cock and began to stroke him slowly. Brian knew Justin was exhausted from the day, the emotions, and from the first session of lovemaking but he wanted to push him over the edge again, just so that Justin could sleep without fear and nightmares, just so that Justin could forget for a moment what had happened today.

He tugged a little harder on Justin's cock.

"Br …"

"Come with me … Justin, come with me," panted Brian in Justin's ear.

Like a few moments before, they reached their climax together. Brian tried not to collapse on top of Justin. He looked deep in the baby blue eyes, and saw the pain was still there but also exhaustion.

Justin tried to stifle a yawn, looked up at Brian and mumbled, "Thanks" before he drifted off to sleep too exhausted to do or say anything more.

Brian slowly pulled away, headed to the bathroom, and brought a guest towel and a washcloth with him. He cleaned Justin the best he could, and laid the towel under his butt. No need to have cum everywhere tomorrow morning. Then he lay back in the bed and spooned his body against his lover's trying to drift to sleep too.

Jennifer POV.

As soon as Jennifer heard the loft door, she headed downstairs to the guestroom. No need to ask how they felt, they just lost their child. She could only imagine. It reminded her of the night Craig came home, telling her he had given Justin a choice, to come back with him then or to never come home again. And Justin chose to do the right thing at that moment for him, to not come back. That night, Jennifer had prayed for his and Brian's safety, and she also cried herself to sleep, because somehow she had lost one of her children.

She realized her child hadn't died. But she always imagined him in a relationship, going on dates, going to late parties. She assumed he would spend some weekends away from the house, but she never thought her little boy, would leave the house so abruptly. That night she thought she would die. So she could only imagine what her boys, yes her boys were going through.

After her rapid escape, she checked after Molly, who was sleeping curled up in a foetal position. She didn't have to worry about Gus since he was with Mel. Then she took a book from the new office and headed to what she called the 'reading room.' She called it this because it was so peaceful. After half an hour, she headed to her room and saw that she had forgotten her cell in the kitchen. Shit.

She slowly sneaked upstairs into the 'old' loft, heading to the kitchen, when she overheard Brian say, "I love you Justin Taylor Kinney."

And then everything became blurry, the loft, the doors, the cell in her hand, she was in a daze. Over the years she had learned one or two things about Brian, first he never said anything he didn't mean, and second, when he said something you could believe him. If Brian told Justin something like this he must have married him, no Brian Kinney didn't do marriage. Then what? A commitment, she didn't think so. They had agreed they would have no commitment. What else could it be? Jennifer ran out of ideas, and she quickly ran back to her room so that she wouldn't interrupt them.

She remembered seeing a necklace on Justin with a silver ring on it, but she had never thought about the meaning! OH MY GOD she realized that they had done it! They had finally done it. She wanted to tell Debbie and the gang, but realized that if Brian and Justin hadn't told anyone, then they didn't want anyone to know.

Jennifer couldn't believe it. She realized she had a son-in-law.

In all this mess today, she saw finally that somewhere love could win. Right then she realized that she knew that Brian loved her son. And right then she knew that she could let her baby go. He was in love, and he was loved in return.