Until We Bleed
by: LunarEclipse360
A/N: So, I'm hoping to have the next chapter done by Zac's 23rd birthday on Monday, but for some reason, I don't think I will. Out of all 35 chapters so far, this is my favorite. And no, it's not because of the sex scene. I just think that this is the best written chapter of my entire writing career on Fanfiction. I actually like the way I wrote this and I did it in a matter of three hours. Can you believe that? 9 and a quarter pages in Microsoft Word, done in only three hours. But, yeah, like I said, there's a sex scene. I would tell people to skip it if they want, but the problem is...besides this first part(which is technically 3 pages) and the end(which is like 3 and a quarter pages), it's basically the whole chapter. lol.
Warning: rated M for sexual situations, language, drug use, sex
Chapter 35
Listening to his shallow breathing, Gabriella stroked the short hairs on the back of his neck as she held him while he slept. Lying across the couch wasn't exactly comfortable with two people involved, but, at the moment, she would deal with it. Troy hadn't been in the correct emotional state to move him any further than the couch. He had cried for about an hour before Gabriella helped him to the soft cushions and then another hour before he fell asleep; his head resting promptly on her chest. After he'd drifted off, she'd slowly lowered herself so that they both were lying horizontal.
Sighing, she closed her eyes, wishing sleep would take her, but it just wouldn't come. As if sensing her inability to succumb to unconsciousness, Troy awoke, eyes blinking sleep away. He groaned before lifting himself up. Gabriella stared at him, waiting for him to acknowledge her. In the darkness of the room, his blue eyes found her brown ones.
"Hi," she whispered.
"Hi."
Moving himself off of her, he sat at the other end of the couch and watched as she sat upright. They sat in silence for a few moments, she watched him while he stared down at his leg. Never before had Troy shown anyone such a vulnerable side of himself. He had been determined to keep it hidden, but finding out that his sister was dead had caused a large enough crack in his wall to make the entire thing come crumbling down.
"Troy?" His head lifted, eyes connecting once more. "I...I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear, but..."
"Don't. Don't even say it. Just..."
She swallowed down the word that threatened to break through her lips. Instead, she nodded and slowly moved closer to him. Yes, it was nice to see this side of him, but it also hurt. It hurt to see him go through this and not be able to know what to do.
"Tell me what to do," she whispered, cupping his cheek. "Tell me what I need to do...to take away this pain."
Gaze unfaltering, he leaned into her touch. Seconds passed, but he said nothing. The silence was unnerving her. She wanted him to say something, anything, so she would feel like she was doing something to help him. Letting his eyes close, he enjoyed the feeling of her skin against his, but wanting more.
But he couldn't have more.
Eyes snapping open, he moved away from her and stood. She stared at him, confusion and concern marring her features.
"Troy?"
"I'm gonna go get some sleep," he said, not looking at her.
Anger and frustration filled her veins. She could not believe he was doing this. She could not believe that he was pushing her away during the one time that he needed her.
"G'night." He turned to walk.
"Stop."
He halted. "What?"
She stood, fists clenched at her sides. "Just stop. Stop pretending like the last few hours didn't happen; like you hadn't broken down in front of me. I'm tired of you trying to push me away every time I try to get close to you. I'm here for you, Troy, why can't you see that?"
"Because I can't afford to have someone to get close to me," he answered, turning to her. "Why can't you fucking understand that?"
"Maybe it's because it makes no sense to me. You..." She lessened the venom in her voice, "you've done so much for me. You comforted me when I needed it. But now you need that same thing and you won't accept it."
"Because I don't need it. I'm stronger than you."
"Bullshit. That's total bullshit. You lost your sister, Troy. It's okay for you to break down, it's okay for you to cry. It just proves that you're human; that you have a fucking heart. I don't see why you find something wrong with that."
"I don't want to feel anything, that's why. Being human means feeling shit and I don't want to. It's the reason why I've been building a wall around my heart and keeping people out. Opening your heart to people just results in suffering in the end. The more people you have to care about, the more you risk getting hurt."
"Troy..." She moved closer to him. "By closing your heart to people, then you run the risk of spending your life alone. Is that what you want?" she asked, placing her hands on either side of his face.
He shook his head. "No, but what else can I do?"
"You can let people love you."
"I can't. I can't because no matter what...it always happens. Why does it always have to happen?"
"Why does what always have to happen?"
He looked into her eyes. "They leave me," he whispered. "Why does everyone I love always leave me? My parents, my sister...even you."
His tortured voice clutched at her heart and she pulled him closer. She knew she should have asked what he'd meant, but that wasn't important at the moment. Holding onto him, she ran her fingers through his hair as she felt his arms go around her abdomen.
"I won't leave you."
Seconds passed by before she felt his nose rub against her neck. "Promise?"
She nodded. "I promise."
Grip tightening, he planted a soft kiss to the skin of her throat and breathed in her familiar scent. Despite his resolve to get rid of the feelings he had for Gabriella, he knew that there would be no one else that made him feel safe, made him feel wanted...made him feel like he was home. Letting up, Troy backed away slightly to look upon the woman that managed to steal his heart.
"Troy, what's wrong?"
Instead of answering, he bent his head and captured her lips with his. He didn't care if she was to be married. He didn't care that he was going against everything he fought hard to get rid of. At that moment, all he wanted was her. He needed to feel that familiar safe feeling he always got when he was with her, when he was inside of her. He was craving it.
"Troy, wait." She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "Are you sure you need this right now?"
He nodded. "I'm sure." He cupped her cheek. "You're the only one who makes me feel safe; like I'm wanted."
Seeing the sincerity in his eyes caused her blood to course, jump starting her heart. Biting her lip, she brought her hand up to his and clutched it before placing a kiss to his wrist. She looked into his ocean eyes once more before leaning up and pressing her lips to his. Almost immediately, he deepened the kiss and dug his fingers into her sides.
As mouths moved, hands began to wander.
She pressed both of hers to his chest before gravitating towards his belt. The only sound penetrating the open area was that of their lips smacking and the metal from his belt as she removed it. His own fingers found their way under the shirt she was wearing and felt the soft skin of her taunt stomach. Confusion flooded him when he felt something that he could have sworn wasn't there before.
"What's wrong?" she asked, when he stopped kissing her.
He didn't answer. Instead, he looked down and lifted her shirt. He was bewildered by the sight of something metal protruding from her navel.
"When did you get this?"
"Two months ago. You don't like it?"
"No, I-I do, I do, I just...wasn't expecting it."
She smirked. "It gives you something to play with."
His eyes snapped back up to hers, his azure eyes turning navy. Backing away slowly, she made a beeline for his bedroom, removing her shirt on the way. He followed like a lost puppy; closing the door behind him. The second he was in front of her again, she reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the floor before reattaching their lips.
Running his hand up her back, his fingers found the clasp of her bra and unhooked it. She moved her arms to her sides and allowed the piece of clothing to fall to the floor. It didn't take long before one of his hands located one mound of flesh and gripped it, causing a moan to escape her throat. Her head lolled backwards, her mouth opening to let out a breathy sigh, her bottom lip caught between his teeth.
Moving to her throat, he nibbled on her jugular and she tilted her head to the side to allow him better access. Another moan escaped her lips as his fingers began pressing down on her nipple, pinching it until it was firm and erect. Slipping her hands into his hair, she gripped the cropped mane, slightly missing the longer version. His lips traveled further down her body finding the valley between her breasts before latching onto one of her rock hard nipples.
"Oh..." she cooed, biting her lip at the wonderful feeling.
Without warning, he picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. She gasped in surprise, but, other than that, she made no acknowledgement to it. He carried her over to his bed, laying her down gently. Releasing her hardened peak from his mouth, he worked his way down to her belly button, kissing every inch of skin his lips could reach. When he arrived at the niche in her stomach, he immediately went for the metal addition that called to him. He pulled on it, gently, not trying to hurt her in the process. His tongue swirled around the ball before dipping into her navel.
She moaned and arched her back. Leaving the belly ring, he moved further down her stomach until he reached the top of her jeans. After removing the button, he reached for the zipper and, slowly, dragged it down. Placing another kiss to her belly, he took the hemline of her jeans and pulled it over her hips and down her legs. Once he freed her legs from their imprisonment, he looked over the beautiful woman lying in his bed. His gaze went from her knees, up her thighs, to the space between her legs, up her stomach, over her bare breasts and, finally, stopping at her face. Her eyes were watching him; big and brown and full of love.
Love.
His heart swelled at the remembrance of the word slipping from her lips. He never thought that she would say it. After everything that happened, he didn't think that he would ever hear her return the same sentiments that he felt for her, but she had.
"Say it." Confusion passed through those eyes of hers. "Say that you love me."
She smiled softly and brought herself into a sitting position. "I love you."
Smiling, he allowed himself to forget that she was an engaged woman; allowed himself to believe that for this one night, she was his...and his alone. Leaning down, he kissed her. Somewhere in his mind, however, something began to protest. That little voice that told him when he was close to getting his heart broken was screaming out for him to stop. As much as he tried, he couldn't block it out.
Breaking away from the kiss, he looked anywhere but at the questioning eyes of the woman in front of him. Sitting himself at the edge of the bed, Troy put his head in his hands and tried to fight back the emotions that wrapped itself around him.
"What's wrong?" Gabriella asked, rubbing his back; truly concerned for him.
"I can't do this."
"Why?"
"Because, Gabriella, you're...you're engaged and I..."
"No, I'm not."
"What?" He turned his head to her. It was his turn to be confused. "What do you mean you're not?"
She sighed. "That what I wanted to talk to you about earlier before you...made that announcement." Taking his hand in hers, she ran her thumb over his skin. "Max called it off...but even if he hadn't, I was going to."
"Why? I thought you wanted that."
"I thought I did too, but...I finally realized that it wasn't. I've been fighting so hard and for so long for my Father to just love me, but I've finally come to grips with the fact that I was fighting for something that was never there to begin with." She looked at him. "I'm tired of it. If trying to make him happy means losing the one person that makes me happy, then I don't want to try anymore."
His eyes searched hers for any dishonesty, but when he found none, he leaned over and kissed her lips. With the weight of losing her to someone else lifted from his shoulders, he was able to allow himself to love her, whole-heartedly, the way he wanted to. Turning his body to her, he pushed her gently onto the bed and hovered over her. Tongues battled for dominance as his fingers found her skin and hers found the zipper of his pants.
Once his jeans joined hers on the floor, there was only one barrier preventing their lower halves from uniting. Moving, once more, down her body, Troy's mouth found its way to her panties and kissed over the fabric until his face was parallel to her centre. Pushing her legs open, he breathed in the sweet scent and warmth that radiated from her core. Hooking his fingers through the waist band, he pulled down the lacy garment and removed them from her altogether. Kissing her from her knee to her inner thigh, he moved his head back between her legs and looked up at her as he began to push his tongue inside of her.
Gasping loudly, she arched her back and bucked her hips as stars began to form in front of her eyes. Her thrusts met with every intrusion of his tongue, creating friction in the best way. It felt like forever when the pressure in her lower abdomen finally exploded. She struggled to breathe as she slowly came down from her high. Closing her eyes, she listened to the sound of him dropping his boxers and crawling onto the bed. She felt him lift her body and his legs move underneath her. Her eyes opened when she felt him wrap her legs around his waist and pull her upright.
Mocha brown met ocean blue as their eyes met. He brushed her hair out of her face before capturing her lips in a soul-searing kiss. It was weird to taste herself on his tongue, but, at the same time, arousing. As their mouths meshed, he reached in between them and situated himself before pushing her down, sheathing himself inside her awaiting warmth.
The wonderful feeling of safety rushed through him, causing him to shudder lightly. After waiting for her walls to accommodate his size, he began to move slowly, allowing her to become comfortable with the pace. Once they'd set a steady rhythm, his hands found her back and held her close; their lips never parting.
When their lips finally did part, it was only because Gabriella needed a change of position. Leaning backwards, she placed her hands on the bed and held herself up. Troy decided to latch onto one of her nipples and sucked furiously as he listened to her increasing moans and the slapping of skin. Feeling his legs begin to cramp, he laid her down onto the bed and made himself comfortable once more between her legs before he continued to thrust into her. The next ten minutes was spent with them just staring at each other. Her blunt fingernails dug into his back as his pace began to speed up.
Loud panting, the occasional moan and the squeaking of the bed springs were the only sounds to fill the air waves in the room. As they neared the climax, however, Gabriella began to get vocal. Moans turned into words; preferably 'fuck', 'shit', and his name. He nearly lost it when the three words came up in the same sentence.
He wanted to last as long as it could, but he knew she wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. Grabbing her hands, he held them over her head and laced his fingers with hers; burying his face in the space between her neck and her shoulder. In one last attempt to make it last, he slowed down. In retaliation, she bit down on his earlobe. That act alone caused him to impale her harder. She sucked in a breath, exhaling with a shudder. With each slow plunge, her nails dug further into his hands, creating half moons on his skin. Feeling himself on the brink of release, he picked up the pace before listening to her curse her way through her orgasm.
Breathing heavily, neither of them moved.
"Gabriella," he said, breathlessly.
"Hm?"
"I love you."
Her heart skipped a beat or two and she fought the urge to smile like a lunatic. So, instead, she placed a kiss to the heated skin of his shoulder blade.
/0\
Lying in the afterglow of their love making, Gabriella softly stroked his hair as he lay with his head resting on her naked chest. He was still awake, but neither had spoken since his confession. There were so many questions that they both had, but they hadn't found it important, at the moment, to talk about.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his question coming out of nowhere.
"Tell you what?"
"That Max had ended the engagement."
She shrugged. "At the time, it didn't seem to matter anymore. I mean...you had just said that you were leaving. I didn't think it would make much of a difference if I did tell you." She looked down at him. "Why didn't you tell me that you loved me instead of making me believe that you loved Daisy?"
"Because it seemed easier. Since I thought that you were still engaged to Max, I thought it would make moving on a lot easier for you."
"How would that be easier? I was heartbroken."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
She dropped a kiss to the top of his head. "It's okay, Troy. I forgive you."
Silence enveloped the couple. There were still question floating around Gabriella's mind, but she wasn't sure if it would be right to voice them. What better way to find out than to just ask.
"What happened to them?"
"Who?"
"Your parents."
She felt his body tense for a split second before relaxing. He sighed, rolling off of her and lying on his back to stare at the ceiling. Moving to his side, she leant her head against his chest and listened to his heart.
"Tell me, Troy."
Closing his eyes, he swallowed down the lump in his throat before reopening his eyes to look once more at the ceiling.
"Remember when I told you about the car crash I was in...the one that gave me this scar?" She nodded, her fingers lightly touching the marred skin. "M-My Father was the one driving the car."
She gasped softly.
"It happened when I was eleven...the same day as my birthday. I had gotten into this fight with this kid at school. I found out he had been bullying my sister and I didn't take too kindly to it. At first, I didn't want to fight him, but then he said something else about her and I just couldn't stand there and not do anything. So...I punched the kid. A teacher brought me to the principal's office and the principal called my parents, telling them that I was suspended from school and for them to come pick me up. They were furious at me. On the ride home, they got into an argument about me. It was raining that day, so my Father was trying desperately to watch the road, but my Mother wasn't making it easier for him.
She saw the car first from her peripheral vision, but her warning came too late. We were hit head on. The driver's side was the hardest hit and...it was the reason why my Dad died on impact. If I had been on that side, I probably would have came out a lot more worse for wear than I did. My Mom fought her hardest to live. She knew Emma and I needed her, but her effort was futile. She...she died on the way to the hospital."
She sat up. "I'm so sorry, Troy."
He shook his head and followed suit, ignoring the fact that the sheets covering her breasts had fallen off. "It's not your fault...it's mine."
"How is it your fault?"
"Because if I hadn't gotten into that fight, my parents would be alive right now."
"That doesn't mean it's your fault. You had no control over that."
"Yes, I did. If I would have just walked away from that kid, I wouldn't have punched him and my parents wouldn't have had to come pick me up."
"But you were just being a good brother."
He sighed, frustrated. "I knew you wouldn't get it."
Moving to the edge of the bed, he let his legs hang over and let his elbows rest on his knees. Gabriella stared at his back, hurt and confused.
"Why would you say I wouldn't get it?"
"Because, Gabriella, nothing that happened in your life has been your fault."
"That's not true."
"Oh? Tell me what has," he said, looking at her from over his shoulder.
"If I had told my parents about Alejandro, they could have stopped him from becoming an addict. I could have prevented his death."
"Or, Alejandro could have ran away and hated you for the rest of his life. There could have been any other possibility with him, but with me...there was only one outcome if I hadn't have punched that kid."
He turned back around and placed his head in his hands. She swallowed the lump in her throat, preparing herself to tell him what no one else knew.
"D-Do you wanna know what happened? What's the reason why I hate my birthday?"
This intrigued him. He turned his head, slightly, watching her over his shoulder. He saw her clutch the sheets and close her eyes, fighting down the tears that threatened to fall.
"A-After my Mother's suicide, I...I became even more out of control than before. I drank, I partied; I did everything to piss off my Father and to make the pain of losing my Mother go away. But...it wasn't until three months after her death that I...lost my virginity. After that, I fucked any guy who asked. I moved through every day, drunk. I went to school drunk, I went to bed drunk. It was a normal thing for me. But...the day before my birthday, something happened that changed me forever.
I woke up, like I normally did; with a major hangover and in an unfamiliar bed. Since I was too young to get into clubs, house parties and frat parties were my only options. Whoever it was that I had slept with the night before was still sleeping soundly beside me. I took one look at the clock and found that it was later in the day than I expected and had already missed a full day of school. Opting for not disturbing the boy beside me, I grabbed my clothes and stood to get up, but something was wrong. I got this sharp pain in my stomach and then, all of a sudden, I just...started bleeding.
I was scared. I didn't know what was happening. All I thought was that I was going to die. When another pain shot through my stomach, I couldn't help but cry out and wake the sleeping body beside me. He asked me what was wrong and all I could do was tell him that my stomach was in pain. When he saw the blood, he freaked. I told him that I needed to get to a hospital and he nodded. Not wanting to call an ambulance, he dressed himself, then me, and carried me to his car; all the while, I'm writhing in pain. I think he broke every speeding law that day, but I didn't really pay attention.
Once he'd gotten to the hospital, he put me in the care of doctors and nurses and stayed by my side to make sure I was okay. And then..." She sniffed, "they told me."
She went silent and Troy turned fully towards her. "What happened?"
"I..." She bit her lip to stop from crying, but the tears rolled down her face anyway.
He crawled over to her, taking her hand. "Gabriella."
Her eyes snapped up to his. "I lost it," she whispered.
"Lost what?"
"My baby."
"You mean, you were...?"
She nodded. "And I hadn't even known until then. I miscarried. The doctor said it was from all the alcohol I had been consuming on a daily basis." She sniffed. "I lost it...and it's all my fault."
"Gabriella, it's not..."
"Yes, it is. I could have just dealt with my Mother's death the normal way, but I didn't. And because I didn't, I missed the signs that pointed to me being pregnant. I killed my baby before it even had a chance to live."
Bringing her into his arms, he allowed her to cry for the child she'd never knew. It wasn't long before they were back beneath the sheets, numbing their pain with the promise of something better. They would make love twice more that night before falling asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.