Chapter 35
Six months later (June 2007)
Evelyn
The air was tangible with my anxiety. It followed me everywhere I went. It surrounded my head like a dark cloud. Only in my sleep did it dissipate for a short while, but that was only due to the sleeping tablets my brother had given me.
Sea waves moved and brushed over my pale feet. White foam stung with coldness, prickling my skin like small needles. The dark knitted shawl that had once been my mother's was wrapped around me, wisps of my white blonde hair floating into my vision as I stared to the horizon.
A timeless friend. Greyness and the sea colliding together as the wind pushed onto my small body.
Where did you go?
My feet moved through the soft sand, my eyes tired and dry. In the back of my mind, somewhere, was a small voice telling me to go home. That the cold was not good for me. But I didn't want to listen.
I had felt this. The unknowing pain. It was like I couldn't breathe.
I ached all over.
Suddenly the pain worsened and I collapsed onto the wet sand. For a moment, I didn't register that I felt faint. Then I let it swell over me as the sea wrapped around my ankles.
I laid there, letting the feeling wash over me. The wet sand against my cheek. The dampness of the water saturating my clothes. My eyes watered, and then closed.
"Evelyn?!" Came a shout, and for a short, blissful moment I thought it was him. I felt warm hands around me, pulling me up, and my eyes slid open. Blearily, I saw Embry waver above me. "Evelyn? Are you okay?"
My eyes closed, my head falling against his chest.
"What on earth were you thinking, Evelyn?!" My brother shouted at me as Embry placed me down on the sofa. It was an old thing- something we had found together in a charity sale in Seattle a few months ago. It was old but grandma had cleaned it; what was once a dusty grey was now a navy blue, accompanied with cushions she had sewn. One of them had a white rabbit on it and another had a wolf.
I gazed at them weakly, my heart gently thudding.
"God damn Seth. I'm going to kill him." Logan snapped, and I glanced up to him, my eyes pleading.
"N-no, please Logan- "
"Look at how he's hurting you! You won't eat, you won't sleep… you leave the house at god knows what time in the morning only to be returned after collapsing at the beach?! Evelyn, this is unacceptable." His eyes were fuming and he pushed back his dark blonde hair, sighing as he crossed his arms. He glanced to Embry, who was awkwardly standing next to the sofa, his eyes wide. "Do you know anything, Embry?"
He quickly looked to me and then down, shaking his head. "No…"
"What on earth is he thinking?" Logan sighed. "Anyway, thank you Embry."
He looked up and smiled sadly before gazing to me. "No problem. Be careful, okay Evelyn? I'll keep an eye out for you."
"Thanks." I mumbled weakly, my eyes growing heavy.
Embry left, a little hurriedly too since my brother had anger rolling off his body. Before my brother could lecture me even more, I escaped to my room.
I missed the room I had at my grandparent's house- filled with bookshelves, a small bed nestled between them. All the same, I liked this house. It was old but loved. It had been a saviour to my brother and me.
My brother had given me the room with the view of the ocean. The walls were painted white and I had hung a few trinkets and dreamcatchers. There was a rail which served as my closet, my three pairs of shoes neatly beneath it. I had a desk, too, next to the railing, with a white industrial lamp that my grandma got at the flee market. Small plushies I had collected over the years sat on the table as well as my school books. My bed was beneath the window- it was bigger than my last one, with pale pink sheets. I hung up some fairy lights too around the white wire headboard. On my windowsill were some plants who struggled in the grey light.
I sighed, peeling off my salty damp clothes and pulling on some pale pyjamas before huddling onto my bed. The sheets were soft and comforting and I wrapped myself up into a tight ball, hoping it would make the pain go away for a little bit.
Before I knew it, I started fading into sleep. It was a blissful feeling, as I felt warm, almost as if he was holding me. I knew he wasn't, but I had remembered the feeling so clearly that it was almost tangible.
I stumbled on my way to school for catch up lessons. My grades hadn't been doing so well lately, much to my family's disappointment.
Logan said it was good to get me out of the house anyway- if I only went to school.
My backpack seemed heavier and I sighed tiredly, trudging along the path. I was wearing pale blue jeans, white converse and a cream hoodie with a cactus on it- something Seth's mom had gotten me for my birthday.
My head was trying to go over what classes I had, but I couldn't concentrate. Everything about my surroundings reminded me of him. It was torturing me.
He had been gone for almost three weeks. I didn't know what was going on. Embry, Brady, Kyle and Dax were the only wolves left behind to protect the reservation and they said the others were too far away to hear them properly. Either that or they weren't telling me the truth.
It was another grey day, though I didn't mind it. It was peaceful; the trees swaying, birds singing far off, the odd truck passing me on the dirt path. It was a longer walk to the school from where we lived now but I liked walking. I liked having time to think.
Being this obsessed over him was not good. My brother was right, but it wasn't Seth's fault. This was the nature of who he was. I had to respect that. I needed to get my head out of the water and see the bigger picture.
I needed to be more deserving of Seth. I mean, I couldn't even do well in school because my mind was always on him. Who did I want to be? I remembered small dreams of becoming a teacher, of buying a boat and sailing out onto the sea, of building a cabin and hiding my winters away there. They seemed impossible.
Logan had to give up his dreams for me. It made me feel sick every time I thought about it. He worked at the pizza place again in town, but he had quickly been promoted to sous chef. I knew it wasn't what he wanted, even though he said he was more than happy.
Could I go to college? And be so far away from the people I held so dear? My heart sunk as I thought about it. I had no money, no prospects. Why did Seth want to be with me?
Well… not that he was now. It made me feel a bit angry, to be honest. He couldn't even call?
Sighing, I walked up the steps to school. Few people were here. None of my friends were. I was forced to sit at the front of the class as my teacher went on about algebra and calculus. All I could do was take notes. Seth was so good at maths. He would usually help me if I didn't understand it.
"Are you going to retake your finals, Evelyn?" My teacher, Mr Penn, asked me as I began to stuff my books into my bag. I glanced up and rubbed my eyes.
"Uh… yeah, I think I should."
He smiled sadly. "You look tired. Get some rest tonight, okay?"
I nodded, smiling faintly at him as he gave me some extra notes before leaving class.
Pulling my hood up, I grabbed some books from my locker before dolefully making my way to the front doors. A few older kids bumped into me as they ran past and I glanced up as they laughed.
Without my friends and Seth, I felt unsafe at school. I flashed back to the bullying I had at Forks and winced, clutching my books close to my chest as I walked out into the light. I stuck out like a sore thumb here. Not only was I not a native, but I pretty much looked albino. My clothes were a bit childlike too, but I liked cute things. I sniffed, rubbing my pink nose and I walked down the steps.
"Evelyn?" Came a familiar, smooth voice and I glanced up, seeing her instantly. She was a smudge of perfection against the grey. Bella stood by a black Mercedes, her copper tinged brown hair lifting freely into the breeze, wearing a loose black shirt and black skinny jeans. She smiled at me sadly, her pale face smooth like a marble statue.
"Bella?" My brow furrowed and I meandered forward, suddenly feeling self-conscious against her. "How…" I glanced around quickly, seeing most of the other people had left.
"Greater alliances are being made." She murmured and I looked back to her, peering through the windows of the car to see Renesmee with her knees up to her chest, her eyes wide as she looked to me. "How would you like to go for a little outing with us? Edward told me you must be feeling under the weather."
"Oh." I pressed my lips together. "How did he know?"
She laughed lightly. "Come on. We can do some shopping and buy you dinner."
I frowned at her. "You won't be disgusted?"
She smiled. "No. Ness will eat too."
"Ah, okay." I thought back to my brother and I sighed. "My brother… he doesn't like me not coming straight home from school."
"Logan? Hmm. I can message him. It's all alright. Come on in." She opened the passenger door, smiling at me. I sighed lightly, shrugging my backpack off. "I'll take that." She said softly, plucking the bag from my hands and walking around the car to put it in the trunk.
I slid in to the luxurious car, breathing in the sweet smell of vampires and leather. Bella closed the door behind me and I just about had enough time to glance around to Ness before she opened her door.
"Hi Nessie." I said softly. Ness smiled sadly at me. She was unbelievably cute. She was wearing a collared brown long sleeved dress with a white petticoat and a black ribbon was in her curly copper hair. "What's wrong?" I asked gently as Bella started the car. It barely made a noise, which was quite unnerving. I was used to my brother's old Volkswagen which chuntered and spluttered.
"She's fine." Bella said and I looked to her as she did a u turn on the road.
"Hey… has anyone said anything to you? Any of the pack?" I asked quietly. She glanced to me, her dark golden eyes like amber.
"They've been gone for a while." She said. "Jacob usually checks in but he hasn't."
"Neither has Seth." I mumbled, looking down to my hands on my lap.
"Don't worry. They do this sometimes." She reached out, placing her icy hand on top of mine. I looked up to her, realising my eyes had become warm with tears. She smiled sadly. "Now, why don't we have some fun?" She grinned, placing her hands back on the steering wheel and revving the engine as we passed the reservation sign.
The drink was cold in my hands, numbing my fingers.
Nessie slurped her milkshake, blinking at the taste.
Bella was looking through the menu, wincing a little as the waiter brought food past us.
"Is it your first?" I asked Nessie, and she looked up before nodding.
"It's not very good." She mumbled. "But it's not bad." She said before sipping some more.
"Doesn't beat blood I guess." I said and Bella glanced up before laughing.
"Nothing does."
"Do you remember what food tastes like?" I asked, crossing my legs under the table. We were in a nice little family restaurant in Port Angeles. I think it was some sort of Mexican place, but then there was American food like burgers being served too. And pizza. It was a bit confusing.
"I do. But I don't crave it." She smiled, resting her chin on her hand. "I remember loving chocolate. And for some reason I really liked cereal. I'd get excited to wake up sometimes when I was younger so I could eat cereal." She laughed lightly, and when she laughed I caught people glancing our way. She was radiant, as was Nessie, and I sort of paled in comparison.
"You should come to dinner at my grandparent's sometime, Nessie." I said, smiling softly. "My grandpa is a great cook. He has loads of family recipes. And Logan is a great cook too."
Nessie smiled, sitting forward in her chair. "You would do that?"
"Of course! Honestly, I wished I saw you guys more." I said, sipping my drink.
"Hopefully in the future Ness, Edward and I can go to the reservation more." Bella murmured.
"How come?" I asked, and Bella blinked before smiling.
"Nothing- I know Ness is quite… attached to Jacob."
I smiled. "It's very cute."
"It is. Now, food?" She pushed the menu towards me.
"Okay." I sighed, setting aside my drink and running my eyes down the plastic menu.
I forced myself to eat the burger I had ordered. It was good but my brothers was better. Bella asked if I wanted dessert but I shook my head. My stomach felt stuffed and I winced as I stood. I stumbled as I walked out of the restaurant, catching myself on the railing.
"Are you okay?" Nessie asked, reaching out to touch my hand.
All the sudden everything whisked away and then I saw Seth. He was smiling down at me, his dark eyes gentle. My heart spluttered. The breeze flowed through his hair, causing it to fall into his eyes. I could feel his warmth.
Then it was gone. My eyes were wide as I stared up at the darkening purple sky.
"Renesmee! Don't catch her off guard like that." I heard Bella reprimand.
I still saw him. I was afraid if I blinked my eyes that he could go. I felt tears trace down my temples. A cold hand was on my shoulder.
"Evelyn, Evelyn are you okay? I'm so sorry." She turned me around and that forced me to blink. Just as I thought. He became an echo.
My face collapsed and I keeled over, the pain hitting me deeply. "Oh, Evelyn." Bella whispered, brushing my hair with her cool fingertips as I sobbed. I hadn't properly cried over him. But seeing him so suddenly and then him disappearing again flooded my brain with sadness.
"I-I'm sorry Evelyn!" Nessie blubbered. I wrapped my arms around myself, forcing myself to stop. I breathed in and out deeply before looking up through my hair.
"It's okay." I whispered. "I just miss him… so much."
"I know." Bella breathed, helping me stand. She wrapped her arm around me, taking Nessie's hand. "It's okay though. It will pass. He'll be back. Until then, you must be strong, okay?"
I nodded weakly.
"Hey, look. Why don't you stay with us for a few days? Alice and I are going to Seattle tomorrow. You could come with us."
I looked to her, my eyes wary. "Really? Wouldn't I cramp your style?"
She laughed. "Evelyn. Don't say that. You're beautiful. I don't think you realise how beautiful you are." She smiled. "If I go and put some charm on your brother to let you stay for a few days, just until you feel better, then will you stay? Everyone will love it."
"You're sure?"
"Yes!" Nessie beamed at me.
"Well… okay. I don't have catch up lessons until next week now." I said and they both grinned. I felt my cheeks go warm as Bella rubbed my arm, walking us back to her car. I had forgotten how nice the Cullen's were. I saw why Seth liked them so much.
"A sleepover?" Logan frowned, crossing his arms. I slid past him through the front door, running up the stairs to my room.
"Just to distract her a bit. Don't you think it's a clever idea?" I could hear Bella say as I made my way to my room. "We're going to Seattle tomorrow, so she can have a bit of retail therapy. My sister in law will want to spend lots of money on her."
I shook my head to myself hearing that, dumping out the books in my bag and replacing them with neatly folded clothes. I got my toothbrush and a few other things before stopping when I saw a picture of Seth and me. It was a little dog eared since I had folded it and unfolded it so many times. It was us at his birthday party. My grandma had taken it. I was on the swing and Seth was next to me, grinning widely. I was beaming too, my cheeks pink, freckles on my pale skin. My heart saddened but warmed at the same time. I missed him so much. Was he missing me?
I placed it in my bag, lifting it up onto my shoulder before grabbing an old bear of mine. I knew it might have looked a little silly but I couldn't sleep without it.
As I walked out of my room, I heard my brother laughing and I snickered to myself. Bella was good.
He looked around to me as I walked down the stairs and I smiled at Bella, who waved at me from the doorway. She was lined in the light from her car's headlamp.
"Alright, you can go Lynnie." Logan sighed and I grinned, hugging him tightly.
"Love you Logan."
"I know." He smiled down at me. "Call me though, okay? And be safe."
"I will." I told him. "I'll get you something too."
He smiled, patting my head. "Good girl."
I smiled, walking to Bella and outside. "We'll have to meet up sometime." Logan said to her. "You, Edward- Seth does talk about him a lot."
"Yes, we should. You should come over for dinner once Seth's back." Bella said, her voice tinkling like a song. I made my way to the car, pulling my bag onto my lap as I looked around to Nessie.
"Yay sleepover!" Nessie beamed. "I've never had a friend over before. Apart from Jacob. But mommy doesn't like him sleeping inside since he's usually muddy."
I laughed as Bella returned to the car.
"Mission success." She said, smiling as she blinked the lights at Logan before pulling off.
"I think my brother has a crush on you." I said, waving to him as he waved at me.
"Everyone has a crush on my mom." Nessie mumbled and I giggled.
"Yes, did you see all those guys looking over at her during dinner?" I said and Nessie giggled too.
"Hey, knock it off." Bella smiled. "They were probably looking at you, Evelyn."
At that, I laughed. "I doubt it very much." I said, looking out the window. The trees whipped past. Even in the short silence between us talking and Bella turning on the stereo, I was sucked back into thinking about Seth.
Bella let the windows down and I rested my arms on the sill, watching the world move quickly past. It was late evening now but it wasn't quite dark yet. There were shadows everywhere but the sky still seemed light.
We pulled up the long drive to the Cullen's house. Little lanterns were in every other tree, and from far away they looked like gently glowing fairies. It reminded me of Bella and Edward's wedding. And that made me think of dancing with Seth.
He smiled softly at me, his eyes alight with all the candles and fairy lights around us. I nervously glanced at my feet, hoping I wasn't standing on his toes. He chuckled deep in his throat and I looked to him, smiling a little. He leaned forward to press his cheek against mine.
I winced, forcing those thoughts away.
"Evelyn!" Alice cried at me. I smiled weakly at her as she ran down the steps. She was suddenly by my side, taking my bag, and that made me a bit breathless. I was going to have to get used to how quick they were. "I'm so excited! We're going to have so much fun!"
"Okay, okay Alice. Don't overdo it." Came a voice up the steps and I looked up to see Edward with his hands in his pockets, smiling at us. I smiled back at him.
"Hi Edward." I said, following Alice up the steps.
"Hello Evelyn. How are you feeling?" Genuine concern lighted his voice.
"Oh. I'm… okay."
He smiled sadly. "But you could be better."
"I suppose." I mumbled and he chuckled, wrapping his arm around Bella before quickly kissing her. My stomach twisted with jealousy and I moved past him before he could look to me in bemusement.
"Hello Evelyn." Said Carlisle as I walked into the living room. I smiled, a little nervous, at him.
"Hi."
"Evelyn! Have you eaten?" Asked Esme, coming up to me, her hand on my arm.
"Yeah- Bella got me some dinner."
"How long ago?"
Bella laughed behind me. "It was around six."
"Well alright. If you feel hungry, dear, just tell me." She smiled. "I tried making some cookies today, would you like to try?"
"Oh… okay." I smiled meekly at her, following her to the kitchen.
Rosalie and Emmet were sitting behind the island and they both looked up to me as I walked in. They were both the ones who made me the most nervous and all the sudden a wave of calm moved over me.
Jasper appeared in my line of sight.
"Hello Evelyn." He said, smiling. I blushed a bit.
"Hi."
"Evelyn- come, sit." Said Esme, and I sat next to Rosalie- a little bit unsure. Esme placed a glass of water and the plate of cookies in front of me. They looked good. I picked one up and bit down. It was soft in the centre and the chocolate chips were still a bit melted. I smiled dreamily.
"You like them?" Esme sounded excited. I nodded, sipping the milk.
"Yeah… you should make some for Seth. He'd really like them." I said softly, looking at the plate. He would. He'd probably say something like "Holy crap! This is the best god damn cookie I've ever eaten! Eve, you've gotta try this!"
"That smells rank." Rosalie mumbled, and I glanced to her as she stood up. Emmet laughed, pointing at my face.
"You've got chocolate." He said, pointing to his chin.
I scowled at him, wiping it away with the back of my hand.
"Thank you for that sentiment, Rosalie." Esme sighed and I smiled at her.
"They really are delicious." I drank some more of the milk, thinking back to childhood sleepovers where Seth and I would eat cookies and watch Disney movies on VHS.
"I'm glad you like them." She smiled warmly at me, and a tinge of sadness hit me. She was so motherly. "Well, shall I show you to your room?"
I was given what I was told was Edward's old room. It didn't look like it belonged to a boy any more though. Everything was very pale and lacy. It reminded me of a wedding cake. There were photos of feathers on the walls. A soft white carpet welcomed the soles of my feet. A duck down bed beckoned me and I sunk down, breathing in deeply.
"It's been a little project of mine." Esme smiled. "Somewhere peaceful."
"It's beautiful."
"Thank you." She beamed. "I have some pyjamas for you too. Here." She moved to the built-in wardrobe in the blink of an eye and suddenly there was a white cloth in my hands.
"Oh- I brought pyjamas-"
"Don't worry." Esme grinned. "I like giving things. Well." She moved to the doorway. "There's a bath if you want it, or a shower. Just down the hallway to the left. If you need anything just tell me. I think you should rest though, darling, as you look quite tired."
I nodded sleepily. "I haven't been resting very well."
"Well, hopefully being here can help. Don't worry about a thing. We'll do lots of things to keep you busy."
I smiled sadly. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it." She winked. "Good night, Evelyn."
"Night, Esme." I said, and with that, she was gone.
The pyjamas she had given me turned out to be a white dressing gown- the kind I would see in Victorian dramas. Smiling a bit, I pulled it on, realising it fit perfectly. How did they do these things? I twirled around, my feet spinning on the carpet.
It was bittersweet. I sighed, walking to the lights and collapsing on my bed, falling asleep not long after. The room was heated to the perfect temperature and everything smelt faintly of lavender. It wasn't completely dark either, as I left the curtains open to let the moonlight in. It was an old habit.
I awoke and for a moment I didn't know where I was. A sense of panic flooded over me, but then the lavender smell brought me back. Blinking sleepily, I rubbed my eyes. I had migrated to the middle of the bed where I had sunken down into the pillows, the white, soft fur of a throw against my cheek.
I stayed there for a while. Just breathing. Listening to the quiet. Letting it soak in.
Being alone wasn't necessarily a terrible thing. I was so used to being with someone else that I didn't know how to be myself. I realised that I was quieter than I thought. More thought driven and contemplative. And I could be smart if I wanted to be. I still wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to be, but I don't think that mattered so much. If I accepted that and tried to improve upon it.
I turned over on the bed, clutching my bear to my chest. It smelt of home and for the first time I felt a sense of homesickness. Logan and his cooking. His inability to do laundry. His cursing at the tv when he lost a game. The study hot chocolates he would bring me at half ten at night.
The Cullen's were lovely. But it was nothing compared to home.
My eyes drifted close as another bout of sleepiness wavered over me. It was just about to pull me under when I heard a door slam. My eyes opened. Probably just a heavy handed vampire.
But then I heard shouts.
"Why is she here?!"
"Seth, don't get upset."
"Of course, I trust you guys. But do you have any idea what we're up against?"
My heart plummeted.
And then began to rapidly pump.
Seth?
A/N: Hello again :) So sorry this is so overdue. I know not many will be interested these days but I've fallen in love with these characters again. I'm sorry if there's a change in my writing style- I am two years older, after all. I have a long summer break so hopefully I'll keep posting chapters. I hope this one was okay- it's just me getting back into the swing of things. Thank you so much for reading and for reviewing! You all really help with my confidence in writing. It's nice to be back on fanfiction.
- Jae