Note: After much trial and tribulation, here it is, finally. Enjoy.

Follow Me

A Pokémon Heart Gold/Soul Silver Story

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Reversal

"Oh?" Heart said as she came down the stairs, cordless phone in hand. "Well, hello, and welcome back!" she said cheerfully to the new arrivals as they stood in the doorway, removing their coats and other winter things. "I take it you two are here for the party?"

"You betcha!" Gold said, clapping an arm around Silver's shoulders. "We wouldn't miss the birthday of our dear friend Sil-Sil for the world!"

"You have five seconds to let go of me before I rip off your arm and beat you to death with it," Silver grumbled in a low voice, peripherally glaring daggers at Gold.

"Oh, come on, now, Sil-Sil," Gold chuckled, squeezing Silver, "you shouldn't be so grumpy on your birth—"

"Five," Silver counted, closing his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed to maximum capacity. "Four..."

"Letting go," Gold said immediately, arms in the air as if he were under arrest.

"Oh, good, Soul, did you manage to find some presents while you were out?" Heart said, completely ignoring the boys' exchange as she crossed to help Soul with the shopping bags.

"Nn, just a few things," Soul nodded, handing her mother one of the bags. "One of them, I was very lucky and managed to grab the last one in stock, although I think I may have elbowed a lady in the face to get it..."

"Niiice, Soul, you get into a retail knockout? I can just picture you going all Tyranitar on some unsuspecting grandma over a DVD player," Gold said, holding his arms up in a menacing imitation.

"Nothing that serious, Gold," Soul said with a meek grin. "If I did hurt someone, it was on accident."

"Oh, come on now, Soul, don't be so modest," Gold teased, nudging her in the ribs. "Admit it, you sucker-punched an old lady over a Christmas gift, didn't you?"

"I did noooot," Soul insisted with a laugh, shoving Gold playfully.

Crystal observed their chummy interaction, a heavy, pondering expression on her face. Silver too felt a twinge of jealousy at their closeness.

"Well now," Heart said, shouldering the shopping bags, "I'm going to pop upstairs and wrap these real quick. You kids feel free to help yourselves to everything on the table. Silver and I made plenty for everyone."

"Wait, wait, Sil-Sil, you cooked? For me?" Gold gasped, holding a hand to his chest in mock surprise. "Well aren't you going to be the best wife ever!" he teased, putting an arm around the red-head.

"Three…" Silver counted, glaring more intensely than ever.

"Aw, come on, I'm just joking around," Gold muttered, releasing Silver's shoulder regardless.

"You kids enjoy," Heart said, readjusting the shopping bags in her arms. "I'll serve our proper dinner once I get back. And be sure your Pokémon get fed, too," she added before disappearing upstairs.

"It's so strange being in here after all this time," Crystal said, surveying the house. "It's the same but so different at the same time."

"Nn, that's right; I'd forgotten you lived here before," Soul said. "Would you like a tour?"

Crystal smiled weakly and shook her head. "No, that's all right. Maybe later after the party or something."

"Would'ja look at that spread!" Gold said with a whistle, admiring the layout of food on the table in the dining room. The entire surface was covered in various bowls of chips, sandwiches, fruits and vegetables, and assorted other party foods, all surrounding the cake in the center, which was decorated simply but nicely, Silver's name scrawled across the white surface in red icing. Gold put an arm around Silver's shoulders and mocked wiping a tear from his eye. "Keep this up and you'll be my wife someday, Sil-Sil."

"Two…"

"Okay, seriously, now you're just being funny," Gold protested, removing his arm nonetheless.

"You and mom were busy, I see," Soul said, admiring their handiwork.

Silver's face flushed a bit despite his extreme desire to look composed, and he turned his head to mask it. "It's nothing, really. Ms. Heart did all the work. I just set everything out."

"There's actually a lot here," Soul noticed with slight surprise. "It's almost like she knew we'd be having extra guests…"
"Well, are we going to just stand around staring at it, or what?" Gold said, rolling up his sleeves. He motioned to grab Soul's arm but was surprised by Crystal latching onto his instead.

"Come on, you, let's sit over there," she said, indicating the chairs on the opposite side of the table and dragging him off with her.

"My mom can be a little chatty," Soul apologized, turning to Silver. "I hope she didn't bore you too much."

Silver's jaw clenched nervously. To be sure, the conversation had been anything but boring. He'd decided, however, that his relationship with Soul was fragile in its current state—he was, secretly, grateful for Gold and Crystal's inclusion to the party, because they could alleviate the otherwise awkward tension between them—so he wasn't going to risk ruining what little bit of stability they had by admitting he knew about her dark past. So, in response, he shook his head and tried to be casual. "Nah, it was fine."

Soul nodded. "All right, then," she said, turning to the table and rubbing her hands together, "let's dig in, shall we?"

Gold reached for a nearby plate, adding, "You don't have to tell me twice!"

The party went well. They ate, exchanged fun stories, fed their Pokémon, and generally enjoyed themselves. Silver found he actually liked this very much; after being alone for so many weeks, it was comforting to be in the warmth surrounded by good company. Even Gold's joking and prodding seemed to irritate him less. Best of all, Soul seemed to be melting some of her iciness toward him, and Silver felt relief at seeing her smile, even if it was never directed specifically at him. When plates and empty food bowls were cleaned and Pokémon were returned to their PokéBalls, they dimmed the lights and gathered close to light the candles on the cake and sing.

It was very nostalgic, although a little embarrassing. Silver couldn't recall the last time he'd had so much attention focused on him. he caught snatches of Soul's voice as it stuck out from the others' singing—a feat in and of itself considering the rowdy performance Gold was giving—and Silver felt a melancholy, bittersweet pit in his stomach. He was so preoccupied with trying to pick out her specific tones that he almost didn't noticed when they'd finished. Flustering, he pretended he'd merely hesitated for effect, and he blew out the candles.

"All right, then," Heart said as she turned on the lights again, "Soul, why don't you give Silver his gifts while I cut cake for everyone."

Soul retrieved a small pile of gift-wrapped parcels and a sizeable gift bag from the living room as her mother indicated. The wrapping paper was Christmasy, no doubt leftover from previous holiday wrapping.

"I'm afraid there are only a few," Soul said as she handed Silver the large red gift bag, green tissue paper erupting out of the top.

"It's fine," Silver said, taking the gift from her, heart pounding. He had been curious what she'd gotten him all evening, less because of the items and more because of the emotions attached to them.

"There was a lot of people, and there wasn't a whole lot left…" Soul continued, biting her lip.

"Seriously, Soul, I don't mind," Silver insisted as he removed tissue paper from the bag. "Anything you got me is more than I've gotten in years."

She smiled weakly, reassured for the moment.

Silver groped at the bottom of the bag through another layer of tissue paper. His fingertips brushed a thick, flannel fabric, and from the bag he retrieved a long, solid black pea coat.

"All I've ever seen you in is your usual jacket," Soul explained as he turned it front to back to examine it. "It's been really cold this winter, so I figured you should have a proper coat."

Silver's fingers traced the lining; it was fleece inside. He'd felt the sting of the season change recently, so he admitted the coat was definitely needed.

His next few gifts completed his winter set with a pair of red woolen gloves, a red scarf, and a black woolen beanie.

"I know it's all a little practical," Soul apologized, "but you really should be dressing warmer if you don't want to get sick."

"Aww, Soul, you spoil Sil-Sil," Gold said with a broad grin through a mouthful of cake. "But even you should know that the cold is what fuels Sil-Sil's sunny personality!"

"You're about to see how sunny my personality can be in a minute," Silver said, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Now, now, Sil-Sil, you know it's your icy stabbings that we all love about you most," Gold said, wagging a finger at him. "Oh, and by the way, in case you were wondering, your gift from me is the gift of my presence. I know, I'm so generous."

"I'd rather you be even more generous with a gift of your silence," Silver said with a smirk.

Gold paused for effect for roughly ten seconds. "...Yeah, that's about all the silence you'll get out of me."

"All right," Soul interjected, leaning in and placing a square package in front of Silver on the table, "this is the last gift. I was really lucky to snag this one."

"Ooo, ooo, is this the grandma-punching gift?" Gold asked as Silver picked up the parcel.

"For the last time, Gold, I did not punch anybody's grandmother!"

Silver felt the weight of the box in his hands. It had some heft to it, but it wasn't necessarily what he'd call, "heavy." Sliding his finger under the wrapping seam, he ripped into the gift. He stared at the opened present, genuinely surprised. A picture of a red-accented PokéGear stared back at him from the packaging, and on top sat two upgrade cards: one for maps, and the other for radio.

"Ooo, ooo, Sil-Sil, now I can send you dirty text messages!" Gold exclaimed, flashing his teeth.

"You were always borrowing mine," Soul explained, wringing her hands. "I never knew if you wanted one, but when I saw it there in the store, I thought of you and snatched it."

"This looks like a newer model than the one I have," Crystal said, sliding the box toward her and retrieving her own for a comparison.

"PokéGear are really expensive, though, Soul," Silver said, looking up at her from his chair. "You didn't have to spend so much on me."

Soul beamed at him, seemingly pleased—it was the first smile she'd directly given him in ages. "Don't be silly; what are friends for? Besides, I had the money to spare, so don't worry about it."

Silver's face flooded with color, and he panicked internally as he tried to quell the sudden rush of happiness that had shot through him in shockwaves. Friends. Friends! She'd said they were friends! What a huge difference from even the day before!

"Well, it's getting late," Crystal said, rising from the table. "Gold and I had better get back to his parents' house."

"Are you sure you won't have some cake?" Heart offered, suggesting a plate in her hand.

"Oh, no, thank-you," Crystal said, shaking her head. "I'm in training."

"Training?" Heart repeated.

"Nn, for the Pokéathalon," she said, nodding. They're on break for the winter until April, but I have to try to maintain so I don't lose my edge."

"But I thought I'd heard the Pokéathalon was an event for Pokémon only?" Heart asked, genuinely curious.

Crystal blushed slightly. "It is, but I believe that as a Trainer, I should be able to do everything that I ask of my Pokémon—within reason, of course—so we work out together."

"Yeah, you guys should see her in action some time," Gold said proudly, putting a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "She really puts flabby guys like me to shame." He patted his gullet, swollen with food, for emphasis.

"Not nearly as shameful as when you missed that Rhyhorn in the Safari Zone two weeks," Crystal said with a wry smile.

"Hey, that was a fluke, I swear," Gold defended.

"Uh-huh, and the fact that you were gasping and sweating inside of thirty-seconds' chase wasn't because you're out of shape at all."

Gold stuck his lips out in an exaggerated pout, cheeks pink.

"Sil-Sil, you'll have to give me your number tomorrow after you set up your PokéGear. We should stay in touch," Crystal said, turning to him as she put on her coat at the door.

"Nn, sure," he said, shrugging.

"And me, too!" Gold insisted. "I'll send you heartfelt texts every night before bed and every morning right when I wake up."

"Please don't," Silver said, sighing.

"Happy birthday, Sil-Sil," Crystal said with a wave as she opened the door.

"And Merry Christmas!" Gold added as he followed behind her.

"Phew, some party," Gold said as they tromped through the snow. New Bark Town was quiet; everyone was no doubt at home, spending the holiday with family. Gold rubbed his belly affectionately. "Soul's mom really did a good job on the food, even if it was simple. I could've eaten like a dozen more of those finger sandwiches, and dinner was great, too."

Crystal walked a few paces ahead, biting her lip. Nagging thoughts ate away at her, twisting her stomach in knots.

"I'll definitely sleep good after all that," Gold continued, oblivious. "I should have brought Azumarill, but Mom's been doting on her lately, and—"

"You like Soul, don't you?"

Crystal's outburst surprised him, and he looked up to find her standing still with her back to him, her clenched fists shaking. He considered the question for a second. "Well, of course I like Soul. We've been friends for—"

"No!" Crystal blurted, whirling around. "No, you...you have feelings for her, don't you?" When he didn't speak, she continued, voice quaking. "Anyone who knows you as well as I do could see it. The way you talk to her, the way you look at her...It's completely obvious that she's more than just a friend to you. So why don't you just admit it: you like her, don't you?" He still didn't respond, but instead stood quietly in the snow, avoiding eye contact. Her frustration boiled, and she shouted, "Don't you?!" Tears spilled down her blistering cheeks, briefly warming and then freezing them in seconds.

Fresh snow slowly drifted down upon them, a new coat for the festive night. Gold's hand raised absentmindedly at the elbow as he stood silently, listening to his jealous girlfriend's sobs, and a single snowflake landed in his gloved palm. He stared at it and watched as it melted, pondering how to proceed. Suddenly, he lifted his head and spoke.

"...You know, I really love buckwheat noodles."

The statement was so bizarre that Crystal momentarily stopped crying from the shock of it. Rage bubbled inside her. "What in the hell—"

Gold held up a hand to silence her, as if to imply he had a point. "When I was a kid, I fell in love with buckwheat noodles. I loved everything about them, and they were easily my favorite food in the whole world. But my mom didn't make them very often because my dad didn't like them, so whenever I had them, it was really special. I truly savored every moment I had with them. But, as time went on, my mom made them less and less, to the point where she no longer made them any more. To say it really bummed me out would be an understatement.

"My mom saw how upset I was about it, and she wanted me to be happy, so she introduced me to ramen instead. 'Maybe you can like these, too,' she said. And for a while, I did. It had a similar feeling, and I grew to like ramen a lot. Before I'd even realized it, I'd grown to love ramen. But…" He looked up at Crystal. "No matter how much I tried, ramen could never replace buckwheat noodles in my heart. It helped numb the pain, but deep down, I always longed for the love I'd found in my youth. I tried to forget about it and move on, but no amount of ramen could ever compare. I still care about ramen a lot, but...at the end of it all, it's just not as special to me as buckwheat noodles. They always have been and always will be my first food love."

Crystal stared at him, flummoxed, blinking blankly. "D...Did you seriously just compare Soul and me to noodles?"

Gold fidgeted a little, blushing. "Well...I thought it was a good analogy…" he said.

Crystal paused, and then a grin burst across her face, and she covered her mouth. "Pfft!" She exploded into laughter. Roaring with mirth, all her insecurities melted away in that moment. Without realizing it, tears of relief started dripping down her face, and her laughter swiftly transitioned into sobs. She put her face in her hands and bawled, her chest aching from the tangle of emotions. Two arms wrapped around her, and when she looked up, cold lips found hers—her first kiss.

Snow fell gently on their meeting until they slowly drifted apart, foreheads resting against one another.

"Don't you ever doubt how much I love you, Crys," Gold said seriously, an odd contrast to his usual demeanor.

She lifted her head and looked up at him—his deep gray eyes were distinctly sincere. She blushed; she'd heard him say he was his first love before, but this was the first time she'd heard those three words in that order. She looked away, slightly ashamed. "It's because I love you so much that I got so worried."

Gold smiled and took hold of her chin to move her back into kissing range. When they parted again, he took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Come on, let's get home. It's freezing out here."

They walked hand in hand, both feeling warm inside despite the snow all around them. Rubbing his stomach with his free hand, Gold frowned.

"You know, all that talking about buckwheat noodles made me really want some…" he said.

Crystal smiled. "Well, maybe I'll make you some for New Year's."

"Do you mean it?" Gold gasped with child-like excitement.

Crystal chuckled. "Absolutely."

He couldn't resist grinning. "Merry Christmas, Crys."

Crystal smiled too and squeezed his hand. "Merry Christmas, Gold."

Silver sat in the still of the living room, face barely illuminated by the embers in the fireplace grate and the faint glow of the lights on the Christmas tree in the corner. The clock on the mantel indicated it was almost midnight. Soul, Chocobo, Heart, and Pyro had all gone to bed, leaving Silver alone with his thoughts. He'd tried to fall asleep, lying on his back in the small guest room staring at the ceiling in the darkness, but to no avail. Sleep had been escaping him so much lately…

He, of course, knew why. He'd denied it for weeks, pretended it wasn't true, pretended he hadn't ruined his life with his own temper and arrogance. His subconscious was cruel, though, because the more he denied it, the more restless he became. Finally, it reached the point where he had no way of ignoring it.

He was in love with Soul.

He loved her. He loved her so much that not being with her literally drove him to madness. Every time he closed his eyes, he dreamt about her, about seeing her smile, holding her, being with her...Thoughts of Soul had completely consumed him. And yet, realizing his feelings wasn't enough to relieve his stress. He'd scared her away—worse, told her he'd never love her, and yet there he was, pining for her. Admitting he loved her only brought more pain and self-loathing, because it meant he was the architect of his own misery.

Finding the last known whereabouts of his father was only one reason he went looking for her, and a hollow one, at best. Locating Giovanni was important to him, more important than anything he'd ever done, and yet...it would be empty without Soul. It made him feel downright pitiful. He'd been primarily on his own since his mother's death, and he'd prided himself on being independent. Yet suddenly, out of nowhere, one girl became so important that contemplating living without her gave his chest physical pain. It was pathetic, it was weak, it was completely illogical. And yet, he didn't care. His previous self would have called him a weakling, but when he really thought about it, his past self didn't seem worth keeping. What was the use of being angry all the time, living every day alone, compared to living a life of happiness with Soul?

Silver's thumb rubbed across the top of his new PokéGear as he stared at the fading embers in the grate. He'd considered each gift as he'd lied awake in the bed upstairs. Each one of them was something he lacked and needed. Each one was bought with care and consideration for him. Perhaps he was dwelling on it too much, or perhaps it was wishful thinking, but...could his gifts be a sign that she still loved him?

He'd wondered it since meeting her again at Mt. Silver. Seeing her angry was disheartening. Seeing her getting on with Red was worse. He hadn't even considered her moving on and finding someone else, and the thought terrified him. He was so relieved when she chose him that he swore he'd do everything he could to get back in her good graces. But perhaps he wasn't so far-removed from her heart as he thought?

"...Silver?"

The soft calling of his name alarmed him so badly, he dropped his PokéGear. He turned to find the origin, who stood at the entrance to the stairs. "S-Soul!" he flustered, heart thumping. He coughed a little, trying to compose himself. "Uh, what're you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same question," she said as she crossed the room, dressed in her red long-sleeve, button-down fleece pajama set. She plopped on the sofa beside him. "I came down to get a drink of water. You?"

He fumbled for his PokéGear on the ground; she was sitting so close to him that it made him nervous. "Just couldn't sleep, I suppose."

"Ah. Excited for Santa's visit, are we?" she teased with a grin.

Silver chuckled. "Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm on the naughty list."

Soul's cheeriness fell, and her eyelids drooped. "Nn, I suppose after everything that's happened…"

He swore in his mind. Great, now he'd reminded her of what an asshole he'd been. Fantastic.

They sat for a long, awkward moment in silence, nothing but the ticking clock on the mantelpiece to fill the void. Silver's insides squirmed. He had to break the tension somehow.

"So, Soul...Thanks again for the birthday presents," he stumbled. "I really appreciate all of them."

"Oh, it's no problem," Soul insisted, tucking her bangs behind her ear. "It's like I said: what are friends for?"

"Friends…" Silver contemplated the word aloud. "Just yesterday, you denied we were friends, but...do you still want to be friends with me?"

She paused, obviously thinking. "I didn't honestly think we'd ever stopped being friends. I admit, I was mad at you, but when you get right down to it, I'd hoped we'd at least stay friends. That is, if you still want to."

His heart leapt. "Of cour—" He coughed and changed direction mid-route. "I mean, yeah, I'd like that."

"That's good," Soul said with a sigh of relief.

"Great, even."

"Nn."

They sat in silence again. Silver stroked the PokéGear in his fingers with his thumbs, staring at the blinking lights on the Christmas tree, and Soul looked off at the other side of the room and cleared her throat.

"Look...Soul…" Silver began after another minute of speechlessness. He sighed and turned to her. "I'm...I'm sorry about all that crap I said before. Before...Before you left, I mean. I was being a complete ass, and I'm...I'm really sorry."

Soul shook her head. "Nn, no, I'm sorry for running off so quickly," she said. "You were frustrated and probably said some things without thinking."

"It still doesn't excuse what I said," Silver said, eyeing his lap. "You had every right to leave." He looked into her eyes, which flickered in the low light; they were beautiful. "So I'm sorry."

Soul smiled a little, placed her hand on his, and squeezed his fingers with affection. "Apology accepted."

He loved this girl. The touch of her hand sent his heart into a frenzy. He was grateful when she let go—his palms were starting to sweat—but at the same time frustrated because he wanted more. He wanted to grab hold of her hand and never let go. He wanted to reach out and hug her, caress her, feel the warmth of her body against his. In his madness, he started scanning the festively-decorated room for mistletoe for an excuse to kiss her.

"It's funny..." Soul said suddenly, bringing him back to reality. "It's funny how crazy things got between us. I was thinking during the party how nice it was to forget all that drama and just be normal around each other."

"Yeah, I was thinking that, too," he agreed.

Yes. Yes! This was good. She wanted things to be good between them again. All he had to do was tell her about his feelings, and then they could be happy, just like he'd dreamt about each night since his realization. His heart drummed so fiercely against his ribcage, he was certain it was audible.

"Soul—"

"Silver—"

They stopped and chuckled nervously at each other.

"You first, Soul," Silver offered; maybe she was beating him to the punch. Even if she wasn't, nothing she could say would stop him from confessing afterward.

"What if…" She hesitated, biting her lip. "What if we just forgot about my confession altogether?"

Silver's heart sank to his stomach, and his mouth instantly became dry. "...What do you mean, exactly?" Please say he was misinterpreting.

"I mean," she said, straightening in her seat, "what if, from here on out, we just pretended like my confession never happened?"

No. No no no no no no no no no. He felt ill. What was happening? It was like one of his nightmares.

"I mean, let's face it, things only got complicated after I blurted that I had feelings for you," she rationalized. "Before then, we were actually getting along really well."

"I guess that's true," Silver agreed, and it was; things had definitely been better between them before that incident. But the only reason things got worse was because he was a colossal jerk. He wasn't that guy any more! He loved her! He'd changed!

"So I thought, since we're going to be travelling together again for a little while, that it'd be better if we just acted like the whole thing never happened," Soul said, eyeing her lap.

He had to stop this. He couldn't let this happen. Not when he was so close. "Look, Soul, I don't want you to do that if you…" He swallowed, praying what he was about to say was true. "...if you still have feelings for me."

Soul paused for a long, tense moment, staring at her lap. Finally, she opened her mouth and spoke softly. "I don't."

Her words pierced through him, like she'd stabbed him through the chest. He felt himself sink and grow colder in his sorrow. He hadn't cried in years, but in that moment, he actually felt his eyes water.

"I...decided to move on weeks ago," she lied. "I still want us to be friends, but I don't have any more intimate feelings for you," she lied. Soul took a deep breath and looked up at him. "This is what I want," she lied.

He swallowed. It didn't help; his mouth and throat remained dry. In a voice that cracked despite his best efforts, he responded. "Sure, that's okay with me," he lied. "I mean, it's not like I had my feelings invested like you did," he lied, and he instantly feel dirtier for saying it. His heart crumbled with each word. "It won't bother me at all to pretend it all never happened," he lied. He wanted to throw up.

"That's good," Soul nodded.

"Great, even."

"Nn."

The silence was crushing. The misery he'd felt during all those weeks of her absence paled in comparison to the sheer abysmal gloom he felt in that moment. It was as if someone had taken all the happiness he'd felt only minutes before and filled him with an equally-heavy opposite.

"Right, then...I'm going to bed," Soul said, standing. She retreated to the kitchen and returned shortly with her glass of water. "You should get some rest, too, you know." She forced a smile. "Naughty list or no, Santa won't come if you're still awake."

He meant to grin, but he wasn't entirely certain if his face cooperated or rebelled and remained stony.

The clock on the mantle chimed midnight, and they both looked up, surprised.

"Ah! Merry Christmas, Silver," Soul said with a polite smile.

"Nn, Merry Christmas, Soul," Silver replied, nodding.

Figuring that was enough, Soul bobbed her head once in farewell and headed for the stairs. Shutting her eyes tightly, she disappeared up them, holding back the tears she knew would undoubtedly come the moment her head hit the pillow.

Silver watched her vanish up the stairs and then sunk his face into his hands, dropping his new PokéGear onto the area rug with a soft thud. It was worse than he could have ever dreamed. How could he possibly go on acting like he didn't love her? How could he nod gruffly and act all aloof when he wanted to scream he loved her until he cried? How would he ever get any decent sleep again?

How had his favorite birthday in years become the worst day of his life?

Selected quote from the next chapter:

"Don't leave me alone!"