My Boss, My Enemy, My Lover

by mlle.dj

Edward is Bella's boss whom she always gets into a fight with. They end up sleeping together one night. But what will happen if Edward suddenly has a girlfriend? What will Edward do if someone's making a move on Bella? Summary sucks, great story! AH

37. Happy Birthday

I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT... BUT THIS STORY IS MINE

A/N: Here you go!

I posted within two weeks, right? LOL enjoys this chapter! :)

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Chapter 37: Happy Birthday

BPOV

The wedding was fantastic!

I commend Alice for her very awesome planning skills and beautiful choices. I'll make sure to hire her as my planner when it's my time to walk down the isle.

Edward and I stayed up that night, watching the stars in my balcony wrapped in each other's arms. It suddenly made me miss our first short vacation.

"I miss the beach…" I sighed.

"I know, I do to. I promise we'll go to another vacation. A longer one," he said kissing my forehead. "Pinky swear?" I held out my pinky. He chuckled and linked his to mine, "Pinky swear."

That night held so much feelings between the two of us. I know I doubted his little slip last night, but I feel he really does love me.

I know one of these days I'd be able to find the perfect time for me to say that I love him.

The next day, I took Charlie and Sue out. I'm not going to the office for three days to spend time with them and bring them to the airport on their last.

Edward was skeptical – very skeptical – to let me drive his stupid, shiny, expensive Aston Martin at first, but with my glares and reply to his wails, he finally gave in.

"Jesus Christ, Edward!" I said, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "I don't even drive insanely fast like you do, how do you think I'd end up damaging your stupid car then? The fastest I've gone is just about 90 miles per hour. Do you think that's fast enough to damage that stupid piece of steel?"

"Hey! My car is not stupid; an Aston Martin is not stupid or any other car!"

I threw him a glare making him shut up. This argument has been going on since last night, before we slept. I was close to exploding at this point. My car isn't with me, so I said I'd take the cab but he doesn't want me to, he can't take the three of us as well since he'll be working. What am I left to do then?

He took a deep breath and walked to me. "Bella…" he said but I refused to face him since I really didn't want to shout at him.

His strong hands made a move then, and turned me to face him. He took my face, making me look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said then kissed me.

The kiss was sweet and short. I had to cut it or I'd wet my kitchen with my arousal.

I let him drive himself to work to lessen his sulky mood and drove myself home to get ready for the day's activities.

I was dressing up when my doorbell rang. I opened it and there came a delivery man with a vase of red roses and a stem of pink lily.

"Mornin'! Miss Swan?" the man asked.

"Yeah, I'm Swan."

He handed me the flowers and walked away. As usual, it's from Jacob with the not-so-anonymous '6776' codename.

"Ugh!" I groaned. I leaned over the counter and put my head on my arms. "When will you stop, Jacob?"

I stayed like that for awhile when I was reminded of what happened yesterday. Oh god! I haven't told Edward a thing about it. I'd have to tell him soon.

I dumped the flowers and hid the lily in one of my drawers – well I don't really want to waste those lilies.

Charlie and Sue came a moment later and I had no time to think about how I was going to say it to Edward.

I took them around the city and ate and walked and ate and walked and ate and walked. When I got home I was so tired of walking and driving that I plopped next to the reading Edward on the couch.

"No kisses?" Edward said with a sad voice. I chuckled and held my head up. He bent down to meet my lips with his.

"I'm so tired!" I complained. "I can see that," Edward chuckled. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes. But I'd like something to drink," I said.

"Okay, baby." I felt Edward stand and gave me a kiss on the head. The next thing I knew I was hit with Edward's scent and bare chest.

I opened my eyes a bit and saw that it was dark. I was still in my blouse and jeans I that I wore when I went out and decided to take a bath. I gave Edward a peck and slipped carefully out of bed.

I ran a warm bath and soaked in my tub.

I know thought of everything that I have to say to Edward. I was thinking of how I would tell him without receiving a bad reaction from him. I'm sure he will react badly to this, I guess I'm thinking of ways to lighten it. I've delayed enough - unintentionally, of course - and I think I'm being unfair to him by that.

I decided not to edit the conversation I've had with Jacob and tell him everything. It isn't that I don't want Edward to find out, it's just that I don't want him to feel bad about it. He has nothing to fear or whatsoever.

Finally deciding on what to say, I got up and went to bed.

The next morning, Edward woke me up with a breakfast in bed.

"Wow," I said groggily. "Smells really good!"

"Thank you baby," Edward smiled and gave me a kiss on the forehead. We ate together and my brain kept on nagging me about telling him.

My throat became unusually dry and I had a hard time swallowing the delicious pancake.

Edward then took a bath while I did the dishes.

"Great Isabella! Just… great! Spit it out! Everything will get worse if you didn't say anything now!" And I know my brain is right. I don't want him thinking that I've been hiding stuff from him. "Why Jacob? Why do you have to make everything so complicated?" I groaned.

"What did you say?" Edward asked, making me jump.

"Shit!" I said, clutching my heart.

The shock made my nerves go more insane by the second. This is it. I had to tell Edward about it.

Edward chortled and apologized for sneaking up. He walked forward to me and I opened my mouth to speak before I get carried away but nothing came out.

Edward then kissed me and I think I relaxed a bit.

I guess this is not it…

I guess… later will be the time, right?

I let myself get lost in the heated kiss and maybe some fondling on the kitchen counter.

When I walked Edward to the door I was all smiles and really giddy from the delectable encounter we've just had.

I got ready for the day. I will be taking my parents shopping and we'll have dinner here. Edward brought the Volvo here yesterday so he was the one who'd be using the Aston Martin. I know he's not really keen on letting me drive his precious crap. Honestly, I find it very pathetic. I don't know, it makes me annoyed and let's face it, it is kind of funny. The way he goes gaga over his cars, I shook my head and giggled. Although he has some kind of infatuation with his car collection, I know I'm way important to him than those. It's just a part of his hard work, I get it.

Then my nagging brain came alive.

TELL EDWARD! YOU HAVE TO TELL EDWARD OR IT'LL BE WORSE!

"I will! I will!" I said defensively.

"I will…" I slumped on the edge of my bed.

I felt guilty for letting the chance pass again.

Tonight, I promise.

"Don't let yourself get caught in the moment, Isabella." I scolded myself.

So then I picked up Charlie and Sue from their hotel and took them shopping. Edward left me his debit card for the shopping trip, making me roll my eyes at him. "Use it. Don't think of how much you spend, just use it. Okay? Think of it as my gift for your parents," he said.

But there was no way in hell I'd be spending his millions – or billions, even. After that, we ate late lunch and I brought them back to their hotel.

I took a nap when I got home and prepared for dinner. In an hour or so, Edward will be home and I need to spit it all out.

I cooked absent-mindedly; it was like I was on autopilot while moving.

"Hey!" Edward called from the door.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Just say it!" I whispered and faced him.

"Hey baby! How was your day?" I kissed him and he hugged me. "It was tiring, as usual. Good thing I'm home on time. Smells good baby. What are you cooking?" he said, leaning over the oven. "Just Lasagna," I said quietly.

I let Edward change to give myself final encouragements. Well, it's not like I did something bad, I shrugged.

"So what can I do?" Edward asked. "Will you cut those for me?" I pointed my knife to the basket on the table. He followed willingly.

I was trying to calm down by taking in deep breaths. I was a little jumpy and I wanted to get things over with. My nerves shot up and so, I accidentally sliced my own finger.

"Ow! Shit!"

"What? Baby? What happened?" Edward rushed to my side and it was a bad idea to look on my wound. I felt nauseas at once and I started to feel dizzy. Luckily, Edward was there to support and wash my wound for me. He lead me near the sink and held my hand out.

After that, he lead me to the bathroom to put something on my cut.

"There," he said, after wrapping the Band-Aid. "You may open your eyes now."

I did open my eyes and gave him a weak smile.

Come on, tell him!

" You should be more careful next time. We don't want to lose any of these," he smiled, wiggling his fingers and I giggled.

"Thank you baby." I said and gave him a peck. Then I took a deep breath before speaking once again.

"Is there something wrong?" Edward looked at me warily then I shook my head weakly. "I… just have something to tell you."

He eyed me skeptically and nodded his head for me to continue.

"Well, it's about the wedding – "

Ding dong! The doorbell rang.

"Ugh! Son of a – " I groaned. "Do you mind?"

"Nope," Edward said and went out of the bathroom. I then splashed a bit of water on my face to help me relax. Annoying wrong timings! Then I walked to the kitchen. I then went back to slicing the tomatoes for the salad.

Then I wondered what took him so long to get back. When I turned around, I saw him holding a vase of roses in one hand and a stem of lily in the other.

When he caught my eye, he shrugged and looked really baffled and miffed.

I was taken aback for one moment. I shook my head to clear my thoughts then walked forward to get the flowers from him. I put it on the counter and faced him.

"Those are most likely from Jacob and… it is relevant to what I'm going to say." I sighed, "When Jacob and I talked at the wedding, I just wanted to ask what happened or just some clarifications about how he felt. I wanted to clarify our boundaries, I guess. So I asked him if he likes me or something…"

Edward was listening intently when I tilted my head to look at him.

"Okay, so I'll make this short and easy – he said he loves me."

I heard him gasp. Edward's eyes popped out and his jaw dropped.

I want him to know everything and so I told him what else Jacob said. "He said that he will fight for his feelings; he'll fight for me or whatever. He also wanted me to know that I have an option while he's here, not only you. He wants me to basically rethink our whole relationship, I suppose.

"Baby?" I asked when Edward wasn't moving nor saying anything.

Before I reached for his hand, the phone rang and Charlie and Sue appeared in the small screen of the intercom. I told Paul to send them up.

I sighed. Interrupted once again.

Edward remained unmoved. I walked to him but before I could get close I asked, "We'll talk later?" He didn't look at me when he nodded. I gave him another weak smile then he walked away.

I really don't know what to do and I suddenly hated the idea of inviting Charlie and Sue over… well, maybe my timing was bad. I wish I said it after dinner. Way to go!

I shook my head, disappointed at myself and went back to finish the salad.

Edward greeted Charlie and Sue and ushered them to the living room. I busied myself preparing everything first before daring to go out and face Edward. I can't stay in the kitchen forever, plus my parents might sense the tension.

"There you are!" Charlie said once he saw me step into the living room. I was trying for an inconspicuous entrance… oh well. "Hey dad!" I said, trying to force a smile. I kissed Sue first then hugged him and sat beside him. I looked at Edward who was seated with Sue opposite my father and I.

I can see he has his mask on, but his eyes has the weight of his emotions. He looked away from me and went back to listening to my father ramble.

Shit, what have I done?

If I told him as soon as Jacob and I have spoken, will he react the same way? Is he mad because he thinks I kept this from him?

I was itching to ask him so many things, but I know he needs the time.

"Bells?" Charlie waved a hand in front of my face.

"Huh? What?" I asked a bit disoriented. He quirked a brow at me and looked at me dubiously.

"Your father was asking about your birthday," Edward smiled encouragingly. I knew it was forced because it didn't reach his eyes. "I–I don't have any plans…" I shrugged.

Well, it is true. Considering that I don't really splurge or do crazy things on my birthdays – unless Alice and Rose has something for me. "Well, why don't you take the day off? Spend some time with your friends," Charlie said. That 'friends' thing has something else in it.

"Dad, just – just drop it, okay? I'm gonna go check on the food."

I knew he was a little surprised about my indignant reaction, but he was pushing me again. Why can't he just shut up about Jacob for a moment and leave Edward and I in peace?

While I was preparing the meal, Edward walked in and drank a glass of water. I can feel him looking at me while leaning against the counter. I couldn't think of what else to say to him, afraid to make things worse.

"You… okay?" He asked quietly.

I stopped for a moment, surprised when he spoke to me. "Ye - Actually… no. Of course I'm not."

We stared at each other for a moment then he nodded, "We'll talk later."

"Food's ready," was all I could say back and called my parents. My father was chatting endlessly, but I wasn't listening to him. Edward would say something, once in awhile in his poker face. Although his jaw is slightly tensed, I wish I could do as well as he is. I couldn't even eat my damn food.

"Isabella, eat!" Edward said, startling me.

So I did take one bite and nothing after that. My stomach was in knots and I don't think I can hold food down.

When everyone was done eating, I immediately put my plate in the sink and took the dessert.

I tried to pay more attention to the conversation now that there was chocolate in front of me – although it didn't really perk me up. I know I can't fool anyone and I don't want any questions as to why I was acting this way or that I wasn't really eating.

"That was great Bells!" Charlie said a little over enthusiastic. "Good to hear." I tried to smile but I don't know how I looked like since Charlie wasn't convinced at all.

"Okay, that's it!" Charlie said pushing himself away from the table to stand up. He jabbed a finger on Edward's chest, "What did you do to her? Huh?"

"Dad! No!" I stood up and caught his hand. "Please, he didn't do anything! Will you not ruin dinner? Please?"

He looked back and forth between Edward and I, "Are you sick then?"

"Y-yeah… a bit…" Sick to the core! I tell you!

Thanks to my great lying skill and my father's knowledge about me, he still wasn't convinced that I was. "Yes, Charlie. She's been feeling sick when she got home." Edward backed me up.

"Well then, I think you should rest. I assume you haven't rested well since the wedding." Sue said. "I think we should leave."

As much as I wanted to spend time with them, I think it's best if I settle things with Edward now. Charlie knew me too well and the tension was apparent, so no one can deny that there is something going on.

I walked my parents to the door and reassured Charlie that there's nothing wrong and I'd get more rest. Edward walked them to my car, so I waited, fidgeting by the kitchen counter.

When I heard the door close, I stood up straight and watched him stop a few steps in front of me.

"Charlie said they'd just come by and take the cab to the airport if you aren't feeling any better," Edward said casually. I gave small nod and for once, didn't feel bad about lying to my father.

Edward sighed and leaned on the opposite end of the counter, "I guess this is later. So…"

"What else do you want to know?" I asked.

"I want to know what you said to him." Edward said carefully, trying to be as calm as he could.

"I… didn't say anything, I'll be honest." I sighed.

Edward was looking away now, his jaw tensed and his brows were woven. His lips was just a thin line pressed together. His hands in fists, was shaking, heck his whole body was and I could feel his rage.

I know he's hurt, and I feel hurt as well for my non-reaction. I should've said something to Jake.

So, I took Edward's hand and pulled him to me. I took his face in my hands to make him face me. His face was red with anger. "Look at me," I said.

I could see his eyes were swimming in emotions. I caressed his face and looked carefully at his beautiful features.

I want him to know that I don't feel a single thing for Jacob, that he's the only one I want.

I put my hands on the back of his neck, tiptoed and slowly pulled him to me. "Baby…" I whispered looking into his eyes.

"I want only you…" I said meaningfully then closed the gap between us.

I kissed him with every emotion I felt that moment and he returned it, thank God! BUT, too soon, he pulled away from me with his eyes still closed and his breathing, heavy.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "Sorry Bella, but I can't do this." His words cut deeply through me and I couldn't say anything back to him; I cannot even ask him what he meant. "I just need… I need to drive."

Too astounded, I didn't move to say anything or when he kissed me on my head and just watched walk away.

"Don't stay up." Were the last words he said before I heard my door close.

I didn't let myself panic. Instead, I thought about how I would feel if I was the one in Edward's shoes. Despite feeling hurt and dejected, I need – have – to understand him, too.

I promised myself that I wouldn't be clingy and that's what I'm doing. I am not and I won't be that kind of woman. I will let Edward sort issues with himself, I'll sort mine, then we'll talk about it later… again.

Things will be alright, eventually. That, I'm sure of.

So, I then, started to cleanup to take my mind off things – which is not helping.

I kept thinking about Edward's whereabouts and that he may be safe no matter where he is. With his mood right now, I know for a fact that his speedometer might not be working when he comes home.

My kitchen was sparkly-clean when I finally convinced myself that I've cleaned enough. It was now midnight and about two hours since he's gone.

I took a long, warm bath to get my thoughts away from him, but it didn't help. Reading wasn't any good at all, nor is watching t.v.

I can't think of anything else to do to take my mind off things!

I walked out of my bedroom to get something to eat, my stomach was rumbling. Then I saw my phone and thought of calling Rose. Maybe should help me with my dilemma… I sighed.

No, I can't.

I have to fix this with Edward first before saying a word to anyone else. So I just took some food out and heated it. I ate in the living room, silently praying that Edward would walk in the door any minute.

The next thing I knew I was tucked in my bed and the sun was up.

Edward's home? I quickly jolted upright to scan the room for signs of him. "Edward?"

I looked at every room, but to my dismay, he wasn't anywhere. I could smell his perfume, he must have just left. I saw a not on his pillow and I took it.

Went to work. See you around 10.

Be safe

- Edward

Fantastic! This is all I get?

I looked at the time and it was almost before ten. I guess he left earlier. Then I went to make some coffee and took a shower. I was ready for the airport a bit earlier and went for my coffee.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I saw Edward sitting with two mugs of coffee.

"Hey," I couldn't help but smile and feel relieved. "You're early."

"I thought I said not to wait up for me?" Edward said, irritated.

Woah! Not the greeting I had in mind. I opted not to say anything and just took a sit and drank my coffee away from him. That really put me down.

Neither of us said anything. To be honest, I was fuming inside. He didn't have to be rude to me. So what if waited up for him? I just wanted to know if he got home safe. Is that so bad? You're up all night, worrying about where your boyfriend had been and that's what he says to you?

Ass!

"Bella – "

But Edward was cut when Charlie and Sue came. I ignored him, trying to keep calm and went to greet my parents.

My dad returned my car and we had a cup of coffee before we left. This time I was the chatty one and Edward wasn't. I, at least wanted to give my dad attention a few moments before they flew to Forks.

The whole drive I was ignoring Edward, Charlie didn't too. I know he knows that I wasn't really sick last night and probably thinks that Edward and I are on the rocks. Every father's wish to his daughter, yes? No?

"Bye dad! I'm gonna miss you!" I said as we hugged each other. "I'm going to miss you too, Bells. Take care alright?"

"I will. You, too dad."

After I've pushed away, Charlie put his hand on my shoulder. "Kid, I know something's up – " I rolled my eyes, not wanting to hear any of his ant-Edward speeches. " – Don't do that rolling eyes thing! But listen, fix it before it's too late."

I gaped at my father, surprised at what he said. "You heard it," he said. "But… Are you okay dad?"

It was Charlie's turn to roll his eyes and grumbled a few things. "I'm the Chief Bells, I know these things."

I chuckled at him, "But what has that to do with anything?"

"Yeah, yeah!" he said as I teased him. "You should be going. We'll call when we get home. Take care!"

"Alright, alright. Thank you, dad and I love you," I gave him one last kiss. Charlie was a bit red since he wasn't really used to expression his emotions. I gave Sue a kiss and hug before they went in.

I took my time before turning away from the view of my parent's vanishing figures.

I turned around and didn't even bother looking at Edward. I was surprised though when he caught up with me and took my hand.

Once we were on the road, he took my hand in his again, making me stare at him.

What's up with this now?

"Was there somewhere you wanted to go to?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Okay… where do want to eat then? "

I wasn't in the mood for anything. I just wanted to get home and lay down. "Nowhere. I want to go home." Edward didn't say anything and just drove. To be honest, I was hoping that we'll have had the talk once he got home, but nothing like that happened.

I guess things aren't going to be alright just like that, but it can be.

As Edward parked on the side of my building, I was surprise he put off the engine and stepped out of the car. I stared at him as he walked to my side and opened the door for me. "What are you doing? Aren't you going back to work?"

"Mind taking a walk with me?" he inclined his head to the park's direction and it took me a few seconds to absorb everything.

Then I took his hand and we walked, hand in hand. As usual, neither of us said a thing as we walked, but I heard Edward let out a sigh from time to time.

"I'm sorry about last night…" he started. "I guess… It's just too much to take in…"

"You don't have to say sorry," I said. "Yeah, but still…" he shrugged.

There was silence once again. I didn't bother to say anything since I'd want him to tell me everything he feels or what he wants to say.

"I know you worried about me, sorry about that too. In case you're wondering, I went to the beach." My gaze immediately turned to his face, "Beach? You–you went to the beach? 'Our' Beach?"

He nodded.

I felt hurt and betrayed – a bit. I thought we made a promise the other night that we'd go together to the beach.

"Sorry baby. I just needed a place to think."

Well, he is reasonable so I gave him a weak smile in reply.

"Last night, I was very sure that I wanted to beat the shit out of Jacob Black. I wanted to… I wanted to… I don't know – I just-I just wanted to hurt him and stuff – well, kill him, actually… I mean, how could he say that to a woman who's in a relationship? A serious one at that? What does he think I'm doing, fucking around?" Edward rambled.

I opened my mouth to say, 'Yes, Jacob thinks you're just screwing with me', but he held up his hands. "No, don't answer that. I know what he thinks." He sighed once again and continued what he was saying. "I was just so… angry. How could he say that he loves you? Just like that? I'm jealous, I'm enraged, I'm fuming… I'm a coward!" he whispered the last words. "But then, I also felt scared. I'm scared that you might also love him back. I'm scared what he said would make you realize that I am just a fucking man who's trying to keep everything in place; who's a total dumb ass when it comes down to handling relationships." He said, pulling his hair.

"He's… He's not afraid to say things to you… He's brave enough to do that while I – I fucking can't. I'm such a pussy that I can't even say… things to you…" he whispered.

"I was going mad when I drove to the beach. I just wanted to – gah!" he groaned, " – I just went really crazy for awhile there," he chuckled to himself.

From what I was comprehending, I think there's a lot of double meaning in the words he was using.

"I bought a pack of beer and drank it all by myself - I didn't drink and drive, if that's what you're thinking." he chuckled, "So, I was drinking alone, underneath the stars… it would've been such a romantic setting – only I was a fucking mess. After so much of cursing Jacob Black and his guts, I finally realized that it took everything into perspective.

"That Jacob Black actually did me a favor." He was smiling

Woah! Well, that's new.

"He made me realize that waiting – even for what you think is for the right purposes – has its cons, too. He made me realize the life it too short to let every chance pass you by. He made me realize that I should bust my ass from time to time." Edward said, now smiling.

"So… now what?" I asked, bewildered.

"Well, first, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving like that. Second, I wanted to tell you what thoughts I had last night – which I already did. And lastly, I want to give you..." he pulled something out of his coat.

I gasped. I couldn't believe my eyes.

" – this." he said, handing me a stem of a pink lily with a familiar note attached to it.

It says:

Every second with you makes life worth living for

6776

"Wait a sec – this? You're… You're the one who's been sending me lilies? Like everyday for the past… one and a half months – I think?"

"Yes. That was all my doing." Edward nodded.

I really couldn't believe everything. The quotes from different books, his personal messages… if knew he was the one sending those, I would've took care of those. But why? Why did he give me those in the first place? And how the hell did he manage to sneak those lilies in when I was in the office with him or when we were at home?

"How? Why?" I asked.

"You see, it all started when I realized that I couldn't pretend that I didn't want you in any way anymore. I'd sneak the flowers up in your office or when you were at home. When we started dating, I had to ask someone to deliver it for me but I was still the one who put it in your room or in the doorstep. I also noticed that you disregarded these pretty lilies when we started dating. Mind sharing that?" he winked.

I flushed a little. "Well of course I have a boyfriend, that's why!" I punched him lightly in the stomach and laughed with him.

It feels good that Edward and I have patched things up. There was a whole new level of understanding now and things we learned from each other. Fights are good – as long as it's not damaging to either of you. It taught us how to work together at times like this.

Feeling much better, we decided to eat out and enjoy our time together.

"So, tell me, what's with the '6776' thing?" I asked as we waited for our food.

There were days that I tried to decode that set of numbers, but I couldn't. It lead to nothing, actually.

"Well, '6776' simply stands for Edward Anthony Brandon Cullen." Edward said sheepishly, scratching his nape. "Oh, really? That's it?"

Edward chuckled at my amusement and shook his head. "You know, I've spent my good days trying to figure out what those numbers meant," I chuckled.

"Glad you gave me your time," he winked. Really, I think I've wasted good time on deciphering.

When our lunch ended, Edward drove me to Rose's house and he went back to work.

"'Sup, bitch?" Rose greeted. I rolled my eyes. "Hello, Rosie."

"When will you stop calling me that?" she whined. "When will you stop calling me 'Bitch'? I retorted.

"Moot point. What are you here for anyway?"

I followed Rose into their bedroom and sat on their La-Z-boy.

"You're right." I sighed.

"I know, but what about this time?"

"Jacob." I simply said. Rose gave a gasp and ordered me to spill at once, and so, I did. I told her about the conversation at the wedding up to the talk Edward and I had at the park. "… I was really worried when he didn't return in the wee hours. Anyway, I'm glad we had the talk." I gave a long, content sigh. "At least it's relieving that he wasn't mad. I mean, sure, I felt really guilty about not being able to say anything at once. I thought I was being unfair to him."

"Bells, honey, don't beat yourself up. I'm sure he's perfectly fine. You shouldn't chase him all the time and it's not always your fault. Stop taking the blame! Why are you built this way? Worrying about other people instead of yourself?" Rose muttered, shaking her head. "Worry about yourself, woman!"

I shrugged at her, puzzled at what she was muttering about. Well, it's all in my nature, I suppose. I can't blame myself for being like this, right?

"Well what can I do?" I asked skeptically.

Was I going overboard with everything? Was I being clingy?

"First, stop with your over-thinking – like what you're doing right now," she glared at me. Well, she knows me too well, can't deny that. "Second, you don't always have to worry about everything; the whole world is not yours to carry. Third, space and time is not such a bad thing. There are times when the both of you will need breathers, and it's a good thing. Hey remember back in college?"

Oh no!

"Don't say it Rosalie!" I screamed at her.

"What's-his-name-again? Oh, right, that Conner, kid, you know, the one you like, dumped in front of the whole campus – " she then guffawed.

Oh dear.

I felt my face burn as I remembered dumping Conner Ford.

I was in our junior year and we've been dating for two months already. Every time I tried to touch his dick he'd stop me. He says he wants to save himself for marriage so I left his dick alone.

One of my horny college night in my life, I took advantage of him being drunk and wanted to give him a blowjob. When I saw his dick, I was completely shocked I couldn't even move for like an hour!

Out of my mortification, I left his dorm and rushed to the apartment I shared with Rose and narrated what I saw.

Well, I'll tell you what I saw.

I saw a two-inch little, tiny… thing! I don't even know if it was a wiener or something. It was so… small and… he was already hard. Imagine that?

I'm not kidding about the size. Trust me.

After that, I played hide and seek with him until the day I had to confront him.

I was in the school's radio booth when he found me there hanging out with a friend.

"Bella, why are you avoiding me? Is there something wrong?" he asked.

I couldn't make him suffer more, and had to be honest with him. Luckily my friend – the dj – was using the bathroom while a song was playing on air.

"I'm… sorry Conner, about avoiding you. There's no easy way to say this but…" I heaved out a heaviy sigh, "I want to have kids someday. And I'm afraid that… your… thingy, wouldn't… you know…" I looked away, feeling the heat on my face. "I think it would be a little short to reach certain goals… I'm sorry Conner, I really am." I said then left.

It was later when I realized as the whole school was laughing their asses off that we were on air. God did I feel so horrible at that! The next day, Conner was nowhere in the campus or his dormitory.

That is the most humiliating moment in my life and I vowed that I would never touch a junk unless I see a tent forming in a guy's jeans. Call me a jerk or whatever, but I have my needs too.

I did apologize to Conner and offered him my friendship, instead. He, however, uttered every curse he knew and told me to burn in hell. I do understand his sentiment and I didn't bother calling him again. I decided to just leave him be.

"Shut up Rose! Give the guy some respect! And what's the relation of my past to our conversation?" I scolded.

"Talk about respect," she snorted. I glared at her and she tried to calm herself down. "Okay, fine! I'll stop. But it's just so damn funny! Any-hoe, I'm surprised Jacob is still alive. I mean, of course, if I were him I'd beat the shit out of Jacob. No one should be messing with my girl!"

"Rose," I warned.

"What? It's true? I mean, dude! Edward's probably feeling like a big bag of shit! Someone else beat him to profess his undying love to his girl? Come on, Bells! How stupid can you get?" Rose let out a chuckle. I rolled my eyes at her response as I munched on some of her Cheetos.

It brought me back to hearing those three special and most meaning yet hurtful words from Edward.

Does you love me?

I wanted to ask him right now.

"The 'I love you' thing… You think… You think E-…"

"Oh, Lord!" I heard Rose murmur, "Yes, honey, he loves you. And how long would it take you to convince yourself that you love him too?"

I choked on my bite and it took me awhile to recover from that. "What?"

"Good God! You are the densest person alive, Jacob's right."

"Rosalie, what are you saying?" I was being defensive because… well… I don't want other people to dictate my own feelings for me. Besides, I know that I love him! I just don't have the courage to tell him yet.

"Shut up, it's not like you don't know what I'm talking about." I could see her rolling her eyes at me now.

There was silence as I thought about how and when Edward and I will somehow, find the right amount of courage to say something to one another. We're… pussies in that sense.

"Look Miss Bossy, you and Edward are in love. Stop over thinking things and please, just tell him that you love him! For fuck's sake Isabella, it's not too hard to see, I don't know what's taking the two of you so long! God, you two are so stupid. You are pussier than Jasper."

"Pussier?" I laughed at her word. "Shut up, bitch. You know what I mean. Just tell him, okay? Don't second guess yourself."

"I… I'll think about it," I said. "But… don't you think it's kind of, too early?"

One of the reasons why I'm apprehensive about saying the L word, is our relationship's duration.

"Bella, what fucking century do you live in? 1801? Jesus! Emmett and I said 'I love you' barely three weeks together! Look, it doesn't matter how long you've been together. Just think about how and what you feel about him. You don't have to fucking analyze everything."

Rose has known me for almost half of my life and she knows me more than I know myself – or at least I think. Now, she's right about how I feel about Edward, too bad I still feel the need of confirmation if he does feel the same way.

"I guess. I'll – I'll take care of this myself. So, what's up with you?" I said, changing the topic.

Rose didn't bother to steering back to our earlier conversation and we talked about different things.

Edward picked me up after work. Before leaving though, Rose told me to speed things up before it's too late.

The next day, I went back to work and the office was fueling with gossip.

I assumed it was because of the wedding, since some of the employees here were invited and told the news to everyone. It wasn't a big deal to us anymore since we've introduced one another to our respective families.

They may gossip freely, we don't mind as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

As I was preparing the things I need for work, Edward came in.

"Why so early? Missed me already?" I teased. "Hardly," he chuckled and winked at me. "I came here for these," he waved a copies of newspapers, "have you seen these?"

"No. Not yet, why?" something about it made me feel nervous. He never went in here just for the paper. Maybe it was just some excuse to see me?

"Is this some excuse to see me?" I said, reaching for the paper.

"Partly," he smiled and took a seat on my desk.

As I opened the paper, I was in for the shock of my life.

There was a picture of Edward and I eating at the beach from weeks ago. There was one with Edward fumbling with the tent, another from the beach was a picture of Edward and I – I was in my fucking bikini, but thank goodness I had a sarong on – watching the sun set. There was another picture of us, somewhere – outside Target, I think. Then the biggest picture printed is from Alice and Jasper's wedding. That picture was the one where we shared a kiss outside The Pavilion.

How and when exactly did they get all this?

And how the hell did they get pictures of us from the beach?

I looked at Edward incredulously. He shrugged and ushered me to read the newspaper.

The headline read:

Edward Cullen's Mystery Woman REVEALED!

It has been one hot summer for the Americans – specially for Edward Cullen and his hot new girlfriend. He is rumored to be dating Masen Communications Chicago Branch Director, Isabella Swan.

Are they even allowed to say 'hot new girlfriend' on the paper?

The two have been seen cozy with each other at the beach in Lake Forest beach (as seen in photo above), in malls, restaurants and most recently, his sister, celebrity stylist, Alice Brandon's wedding – one of the biggest weddings of the year (see page 10 for more details on the wedding).

"They dine here most of the time," said Belo's Manager, Mike Newton. "They're really close to each other. Always touching, always kissing. They didn't look like they were just friends. Quite sickening," he added.

FUCKING MIKE NEWTON!

Many speculations about the business man's love life since his break-up with top model, Tanya Denali arose. His long playboy nights are over, now that he's rumored to be with Isabella Swan for quite some time now.

Cullen, 30, Swan, 26, were first seen together chatting outside their company's building earlier this year.

It appears that the two have been discreet about their relationship.

One of our sources, an employee of Masen Communications tells Chicago Tribune, "At first I didn't believe the dating rumors in the office because they were shouting and fighting all the time. Then someone showed me pictures from Miss Cullen's wedding… I couldn't believe my eyes! Confirmed! They are dating!"

Well, looks like their attempt to keep this discreetly didn't work out well.

Rumors has yet to be confirmed by the couple.

I gaped at the paper, not knowing what to say about this.

"W-What's this?" I demanded. "What is this?" I half-yelled, waving the paper.

Edward walked to me and kissed my forehead. He started massaging my shoulders, "Relax."

It was nothing to stress over about, but I don't get why our relationship has to be revealed to the public. "I know, but why are we on the front page? We're not fucking celebrities," I laughed exasperatedly.

"Aren't you happy we're on front page?" he asked playfullly.

I gave him a warning glare. He then, sighed. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm used to this kind of thing, considering I've dated Tanya. I didn't know – I didn't think that the papz would still go hunting for me. It's been a long time since Tanya and I have dated."

Tanya! Yes, great! Just great!

Of course all the paparazzo would go crazy for a super model's photo.

"These things are quite normal for us, being associated with the company. I'm sorry baby, don't worry I'll call to pull out the papers." Edward said.

"Well, I don't think I've read about you?" I said as if questioning him. I didn't turn to the entertainment section of the paper. Unlike most people, I don't really enjoy reading on celebrities' lives. I think it's me showing respect for their privacy. Besides, all the rumors about Chris Evans aren't on papers, so, waste of time.

Ooooh Chris Evans! What a fine, fine man!

Anyway, it's not like it was a bad thing, but I really wasn't used to being on the front page – not about my personal life, at least. I'm used to the quiet life. No hassle, but work – and sometimes the social life – and that's just about it.

Why does it have to be us? Just because Edward's family is known, we actually have to be involved in this sort of thing?

"No. Don't, it's fine. I'm just not used to being a tabloid favorite," I teased.

"Lucky you're dating one," he winked and chuckled.

"I guess we have to be more careful now?" I asked, coyly. "Not really. We just have to be ourselves and ignore the paper. It's not like they can find anything dirty about our relationship.

"True," I replied. "Too bad our secret love affair was revealed." I said, planning on teasing him.

He eyed me, quirking his brow, "Is that so?"

I stood up and leaned on him, making sure that are bodies were pressed together. I then ran a finger along his collar bone, my other hand was resting to his thigh, close to his shaft.

I saw his Adam's apple bob and his breathing hitched a bit. I smirked to myself.

"I thought we could, you know, take advantage and… I don't know," I shrugged nonchalantly, "have some playful time here in the office."

I leaned back and sat on my chair, smirking.

Edward was taken aback by this sudden boldness and I'm sure I had him this time.

"We could… uhm… Try it… some time?" he cleared his throat in between saying those words.

"Are you saying that we should shag here, in the office, where there are cameras around?" I said while sliding my foot up and down his lower leg.

He looked me in the eye and shook his head. I know he's sensed that I was teasing him. To my liking, I think I was turning him on.

In all honesty though, I know I suck at seducing – making me really proud that I can turn him on.

Which reminds me of sex…

Adrenaline-filled, hard fucking on his big, oak desk…

Shit, now I was getting turned on.

"Isabella Swan, I swear…" Edward trailed off, making me lose my thoughts.

"Soon, baby." I said meaningfully. Edward then looks at me.

I know he's apprehensive about what I've said. But thinking about it, I think sex can pull us closer together. The physical connection, I know, will have some effect on us and I think it might be good for us.

"Bella, we don't have to – "

"But I want to." I said. "Sooner or later, we'll be doing it anyway. And I've given it some thought. Don't worry, I'm not rushing in."

He gave a nod and I smiled back.

I also wanted to know if he feels the same way, so, I asked coyly, "Are you… ready?"

Edward gave me a smile, "Whenever you are." And kissed my forehead. "Come on, let's get back to work. See you at lunch?"

His change of topic made me smile. I know this wasn't the time for the whole sex talk thing and so, I sent him out of my office.

The week ended with us, just working and hanging out at my place. There were a few instances of paparazzo's waiting for us at work or outside my building, but thankfully it wasn't as much as I expected it to be. I was completely shocked at first, but Edward told me not to mind them. It's hard, I tell you, but I can't really do anything about it. Not if I settle it in court.

Another week passed and it was now mid-August.

Edward asked me a couple of times what I wanted to do on my birthday. I gave it a thought, but I just wanted to spend time with him at home, him cooking for me – that's just it.

It will be my first birthday with him, and having him is the greatest gift I ever asked for.

Edward wasn't too happy with the way I wanted to celebrate my birthday.

"That's it? You don't even plan on having a vacation?" he asked over dinner. I shrugged, "I can't. Not now, at least. We've got work."

"Yeah, but, still… Don't you want to do something new?"

I didn't know exactly what Edward wanted me to do on my birthday. I've already said what I wanted but he kept on pressing for something more. "I am spending my birthday with you, isn't that new? And you know I don't like parties."

He seemed to be thinking about something before he spoke. "If you had, say, all the time in the world for your birthday celebration, what would you do?"

I do not like where this is going.

"Edward, what are you up to?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Nothing!" he threw his hands in defeat, "I'm just asking. Now, answer me."

"Hmm… All the time in the world… That's pretty hard…" I whispered, thinking about what I'd do with the free time.

The beach.

Going to the beach sounds lovely.

Snoozing.

Well, who wouldn't want to catch up on sleep?

Pig out.

I've been deprived of fast food for the last weeks. Oh, and I'm running low on my Ben and Jerry's supply.

Read.

I miss reading. I've got not enough time on my hands to read.

Spend time with Edward.

I'd love to spend time with him. We haven't had the whole day to ourselves without work meddling in way since our little vacation. It would be nice to be away from civilization with him again.

"I'd want to go to the beach, sleep, pig out, catch up on my reading and most specially spend time with you. That's what I'm gonna do if I had time – which I obviously don't. That's how I want to celebrate my birthday." I counted with my fingers.

He gave a thoughtful nod and shrugged. "Well thought of. Anyway, let's get to work."

That day, Edward spent all day and half of the night in the office. I actually fell asleep on his couch while waiting for him to get done with work.

The next day, we weren't able to have lunch because of a meeting he had to attend to so, I ate with Angela.

It was really nice catching up with Angela. She and Ben are making progress in their relationship. Angela told me Ben kissed her on their last date or something.

Suddenly, my curiosity burned. I wanted to know what people said about us after that newspaper article. For the past week and a half, I've ignored it, but sometimes, I really wanted to know what they were all saying.

"Hey Ang, do you mind filling me in about the office gossip?"

She stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth and looked at me, surprised. "What?"

I laughed at her bemused expression and said, "Come on, Ang! It's not like you don't know anything. Besides, I'd love to hear gossip sometimes. Come on, spill!"

I was like an eager toddler, listening to a bed time story. Angela shrugged and began to speak.

"Well, there's not much really," she shrugged. "They usually just talk about when times they saw you together and create speculations from there."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like you two were just pretending to be yelling at each other all the time to make everyone think that nothing's going on and stuff."

I laughed at that story. Wow, people do think about those things? They don't even know half of what happened between us and they think we were just pretending?

Oh God, I'm such a good actress if so.

"What else have they got in store?" I pressed on.

"Oh, let's see…" Angela said more animatedly. Obviously she knows that there's more to our relationship than just pretending to fight. She's been with us most and knows more than anyone else in the office.

"Oh! Here's a good one… " Angela told me everything she knew. One story is about me, not being liked by the Cullens which made us keep our relationship a secret. I didn't know what to make that of, actually.

People do get really creative and I don't know how much work they get with all the office gossips. I couldn't wait to tell Edward what I just heard.

After lunch, we went back to the office. Olivia, an office assistant, gave me a note and said someone wants to see me. So, I thanked Angela for our best lunch yet and went ahead her.

I wonder who was in my office? I had no appointments today, so maybe it might be Edward, trying to be sneaky again. I shook my head and couldn't help but smile. As I got off the elevator I rushed to my office, prepared to greet Edward.

I opened my door excitedly, "Hey ba – "

I stopped for it wasn't Edward.

A familiar tall frame greeted me with his back facing me. "Jacob?"

Hey turned to face me. "Hey Bella!" he smiled.

"Jacob, what are you doing here? Is there something you need?" I never thought that I'd see Jacob again. Not after what happened during the wedding. I haven't given it much thought – to be honest, I didn't bother thinking about it. I didn't see the point.

"No, not really." He said nonchalantly. "Okay then, why don't we take a sit?" I asked. "Sure," he smiled and sat in front of me. As much as possible, I avoided his eyes.

Dear Lord, why did Jacob have to appear like this, all the time?

"So," I cleared my throat, "why are you here?"

"Why so serious?" Jake laughed.

I smiled. Typical Jacob.

"I just wanted to hang out. The office is boring," he groaned.

"But why are you here if the office bores you? Not – not that I'm being rude or anything, but do humor me." He laughed once again while I swam in my own thoughts.

I missed him.

I missed hanging out with him. I miss talking to him. I missed our bantering. I miss our relationship.

This was the kind of conversation I've had with Jacob, smooth and flowng. He really was cool to hang out with and I really wish he didn't love me.

I knew behind his laughter that he was here for something… and I think I have an idea of what it is.

I'd have to tell Jacob that what he wants, can't and will never happen.

I just don't love him as much and I can't force myself to. I also can't lead him on like this. I have to stop making him think that there's still hope for him.

I don't need much thinking about this.

"Jake," I sighed. Sensing what I was about to say, he straightened up and looked away. "Jake, I… Look, about what you said at the wedding – "

"Have you thought about it?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes. I have, but – "

"So, why didn't you call me?" he said at once.

"What?"

Call him? Why would I call him?

"You said you've thought about it, why didn't you call me to let me know?" he was know looking at me with a blank look on his face.

"I didn't think it was necessary to call? I mean, we'd probably see each other again at one point?" I felt nervous answering to him, I don't know why though. It was like I was on hot seat or something.

"Bull shit, Bella. Bull shit." He said, startling me. "You haven't given this much thought as I've expected."

"What's there to think about, Jake?" I argued.

Jacob stared at me incredulously and said in a low and stern tone, "About everything I've said to you. About your options."

He doesn't get it! Seriously, how am I going to explain everything to him if he thinks this way?

"Jacob, I don't need to think about anything!" I said, exasperated. "I don't have to think otherwise just because of what you said. I don't like you the way you want me to; heck, I don't love you like that. I love you, believe me, I do – as a friend, a brother – but nothing beyond. I've told you this, and no matter how slow Edward can get, I am – we are – at a place I feel most happy." I said.

"But you haven't given me the chance t-to make you feel happy! I haven't got the chance to take you out on a date, go to movies… Things a couple do! You're tying yourself to a person without even thinking about options - other options." He argued.

I didn't find his point convincing at all. It's was like he's telling me to cheat. I was losing my temper, fast. As much as I tried to calm myself down, my tone still came out somewhat affronted – which was how I felt.

"Aren't commitments supposed to be that way? Shouldn't it be the way relationships go – no other options, just the two of you? No third parties? Isn't that the whole point of marriage or some sort of commitment between two people? Would you ask dare to ask a married wife or-or someone who is deeply committed something to cheat? Isn't that too selfish of you?"

Jake didn't say anything and I knew I got to him this time. I can't believe how he was convincing me to cheat on Edward or whatever he wants me to do.

"Look, Jacob, if you want to make me happy, just be my friend. I know it's a hard thing to do, but, I don't want to see you get hurt. I've told you this and I don't think I lead you on the wrong idea – if I did, then I'm sorry." Jacob was looking away once again. It hurts to see him this way. I know I can't give him anything in return and best if I told him right now.

I really wanted to give him what he wants, but there's really nothing I could give more.

"Come on, Jake," I said walking to take the seat directly in front of him so he could look at me, "There are a lot of girls out there. Don't let this consume you, please?" I pleaded with my eyes. The most I could offer him is my friendship and I needed him to understand that.

"But… there's no one like you…" he said.

I was touched by this. I could also never find someone like him.

"I know that. And you also know that I'm not the one for you, Jacob. Open your eyes, Jake. You think I'd be happy being forced to go on dates with you? Wouldn't you feel like shit if you wake up everyday, knowing that the person you love doesn't love you back? I know I'm being harsh right now, but can't you just be happy for me?"

Jacob shook his head in disgust, but I continued to say my piece. "Think about everything we've talked about today, everything I've said… maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from. This time, I'm the one asking you to reconsider."

Jacob stared at me with pain in his eyes for like ten minutes, maybe an hour… I don't know. It took him forever to say something.

No matter how much I wanted to be there for him, I couldn't at this situation. This is the least I could do, make him realize that he's wasting his time, energy and love. I can never return those valuable things to him and that would be really unfair.

I want Jacob to be happy.

I want him to be free and be loved by someone he deserves and who deserves him back.

"Fine…" he said, defeated.

"Good. You better get going." I tapped his knees and stood up.

It took awhile for him to collect his bearings and stand up.

I had one last thing to say to Jacob before he left.

I stepped closer to him so I could hug him. "I'll always be your friend, Jacob. I'll always be your sister. But I'll never be your lover, remember that."

Jake froze in my embrace. I was about to released him after a few moments, but he hugged me back. He hugged me tighter than he ever did.

After a few moments, I pulled away and saw his red, blotchy eyes.

"This is for you, Jacob." I said.

He just nodded and leaned to kiss my forehead.

"Goodbye, Jacob." I said as his hands touched the doorknob. I said it with double meaning. I was also saying goodbye to this thing between us that made him think that we'd go further with our relationship.

I was hoping though, that someday, we'd continue on with our friendship.

He froze once again and turned his head slightly to my direction. "Goodbye, Bella."

With that, he left my office.

That night, I told Edward about the talk I had with Jacob. I appreciated that he listened intently to me.

"Thank you, baby." He said, hugging me closer to him. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

I felt happy with him saying those to me.

I leaned in for a kiss. It was slow and light that eventually grew into something strong and passionate.

Our lips, locking and relocking as our hands roamed around each other's body.

He pushed me back so he could hover over me. I could feel his manhood press against my thighs, making me moan.

But I didn't let it go too far. I had to stop myself before I end up having sex with him. I felt like this wasn't the time yet.

I was thankful that Edward didn't complain or even show a bit of frustration because I didn't want to have sex with him yet. I love the fact that he wasn't pressuring me in anyway.

~ O ~

For the next three weeks, Edward spent a ton of time in the office. It's either I waited for him and fell asleep on his couch while waiting or I head home and do house chores or whatever.

He was deeply buried in work that I picked a few fights with him, complaining about the little time we've spent for the past three weeks.

He was so busy and tired that all he did was go to work and fall asleep after.

I know he was drained because of work, but he has me now. I could use a little attention.

Also, it was only a week until my birthday and I'm quite bummed about his nonchalance about it. I was actually expecting that we'd be doing something other than what I wanted, but I guess that wouldn't happen.

"See you later in my office or at home?" Edward asked after our quick lunch.

"Home." I said without bothering to look at him.

I've been distant with him because of his crazy schedule. I'm really upset about this. Though there were very few times we'd get to snuggle and he'd be really sweet, it still wasn't enough.

After all, I'm only human. I have needs.

That afternoon, I went home and plopped on the couch.

I heaved out a deep breath. I miss Edward.

I miss out time together.

I miss him spooning me, instead of seeing a passed out Edward on the couch or in bed.

I miss eating with him.

I miss catching up with what's going on his life.

There were times that he didn't come home to me. Sometimes he'd text or call when he's not coming home. It really disappoints me when he doesn't come home.

DAMN WORKAHOLIC!

I wish I knew what more was going on. I'm afraid that this might go on and put a huge toll on our relationship. I can't afford another heartbreak, specially if I haven't said that I love him.

What's happening to us?

Are we falling apart?

Starring off for what seemed like hours, I jumped as my phone rang.

I originally planned to let it to the messages, but it was the specific ring tone I set for Rose's call. I hurried to the receiver and answered.

"Hi Bells," she greeted.

Even if we'd talk once in awhile in the past three weeks, I've never really told her about this issue I have with Edward; I haven't talked about it to anyone, as a matter of fact and I felt like it's taking me down at this moment.

"Rose…" was all I could muster before I broke down for the very first time.

In a matter of minutes, I was opening the door for her and rushed to her arms at once. I sniffed, cried, and held her tight as she let me cried on her shoulder.

After getting most of it out, I felt lighter but still very emotional.

"Thanks Rose," I said in a raspy voice.

She gave me a squeeze, "No problem, pumpkin. So… what was that all about?"

Letting out a deep breath, I sat up and told Rosalie everything I've been feeling since the last three weeks.

I've never felt this sad with Edward. I never felt this emptiness. I've never felt this kind of longing. I've never felt so… abandoned.

Sure, Edward's a very busy man even before we met, but he never always made time for me. Right now, he just doesn't. Sometimes, he'd try to make up for falling asleep once at home or whatever it is he missed out on, but it's not enough.

He's always at work. He's always on the phone. He's always reading something. He's always at a meeting. He's always dead on his feet.

He has no time for me.

None at all.

I don't understand all of this. Why suddenly miss out on everything? Why now? Our relationship is very baby and what he's doing is not helping us progress – in any way.

I was also looking forward to planning my birthday with him. Though I assume, even my simple ideal birthday celebration would be a bust.

Before this, he was sweet and thoughtful, asking me about what I wanted to do on my birthday. I don't know about it now, though. Makes me think otherwise.

I'm really frustrated. I'm very disappointed.

What the hell happened to Edward?

Rose just nodded at the right times while I told her these.

It was really taking a huge toll on me. I've kept very mum about this, not wanting people to think something bad about Edward, but I, myself, couldn't help but do that right now.

"Rosalie, be honest. Am I that boring that he'd rather drown in his work than stay with me?"

Rose's reaction was aghast. "Bella, don't think about that kind of shit. You are a whole bunch of fun. For a woman like you, you are a bunch of fun."

"A woman like me?" I echoed her, affronted.

"Jesus!" Rose exclaimed, "I mean, for someone who is a geek, smart, and intimidating, yes, you are fun to be with and no, you are not boring. Do you think I'd hang out with you if you were?"

"Maybe… you're feeling sorry for me?"

"Bella!" Rose warned. "Will you stop this over-thinking again? Look, I don't know what's happening to your Bastard, but you should go talk to him. I can't exactly help you if we both don't know what's going on with him. Just go talk to him and you'll see."

"But he has no time to talk! Even if we haven't had sex, I feel the withdrawal! It has been too long since we've cuddle and touched…" I reddened a bit and thought about having sex with Edward.

Rose coughed, trying to hide her laughter.

She still found us not having sex really funny.

Truth was, I was ready to have sex with him after weeks of thinking about it. I trust him and I feel secured with him. It's not just that but the connection I feel whenever we touch is a feeling I would trade anything for.

"Bella, just talk to him. Period. You're not going to mope around. You are going to talk to him." Rose said.

"Yeah, yeah. What else do I have left to do?" I said in mock enthusiasm. "Would I ever get to talk to him? That's the question."

"Well, sit him down! Don't give him excuses."

"Yeah, whatever." I sighed. I guess I'll just have to force Edward to talk to me longer than he usually does. I hate that. I hate that I can't even get to talk to him limitless, unlike before.

After awhile, Rose had to go so I walked her to the door. As I opened the door after hugging her goodbye, Edward stood on the other side of the door, with his keys in hand.

"Oh…" I said a bit surprised.

I glanced at the clock and it was only around eight thirty. "You're early?" I said.

"Yeah," he gave a small smile. "Hey Rose," he said and kissed her cheek in greeting. "You guys doing something tonight?"

"No." Rose said before I was interrupted. I wanted to be snotty to him before I pull him down and sit. I want to get back at him by being really cold and snotty. Let's see what would happen then.

I've got this Push and Pull Theory: he pushes me away - by whatever means - while I pull him back - by chasing after him.

He pushes me away by being a snob or whatever, hoping that I pull him back by chasing after him or making the extra effort.

Not quite, Edward Cullen.

Let's see who wins this tug-of-war.

"I'm leaving, actually. Bye Bells. Bye Bastard," she said and walked passed us. I snickered at her playful name calling and turned my back at Edward before heading to the kitchen.

It's time to put this Push and Pull thing into a test.

No giving in.

I grabbed a glass of water then felt arms wrap around my waist. "Hey baby," Edward whispered and kissed the lobe of my ear, down to the base of my neck.

I shivered involuntarily.

God, how I missed this.

I let myself get lost for a moment before turning into a bitch.

Damn it, Edward. You smell so fucking good!

With a sigh, I forced myself to move away from him. "Hey," I said with my back to him.

Edward followed behind me and grabbed my waist, pulling me back to him. "I missed you…" he said, running along his nose on the side of my neck. His hot breath fanning on my nape, making me want to melt.

Shit.

"Really? Great!" I sarcastically said. I moved across the room while he stayed planted where I moved away from him. I could see through my peripherals that he was looking at me.

Ha! Take that bitch! Well… Bastard, actually.

After I've put his dinner in the microwave and set the table for him, I turned to him and said, "That's your dinner over there and I'm gonna go watch some movie. Enjoy."

Then I left the room with him staring at me.

I couldn't help but smirk at what I was doing. This is going to be good. I can feel it.

I popped in a cd in my Blu-ray player and settled down with a bag of potato chips.

I can't help but feel really smug. My plan was working really well given it is only at an early stage. My inner devil was cackling, as a matter of fact.

Edward walked in the room with a plate of lasagna in his hands. I straightened up and hid my smirk as he settled beside me. I was pretending to concentrate on the movie, when in fact, I was watching his every move.

"I love this movie," he gushed. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he was expecting a reply from me. When I didn't speak several moments after, he pouted and faced the t.v..

HA HA HA! My turn to laugh now, you Annoying Bastard!

He kept on turning to me, making comments while I just gave a lame muttering sound that neither sounds agreeing or disagreeing.

After a while, it got boring, playing with him like that so I decided on another trick.

I stretched out and yawn loudly. "I'm sleepy. Goodnight." I said.

"What? It's early and we… haven't had time to talk?"

Really? I'm surprised you brought that up now! I wanted to scream at him.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well… Some other time will do. 'Night," I said.

"Oh, wait!" I stopped on my track and turned to face him once again. I saw his defeated expression and I felt bad for him for just a tiny second. Then I annoyingly, blew a kiss. "Goodnight, Edward."

I was in a fit of giggles as I prepared for bed. I heard him mutter some things when I left the room. I climbed to bed, satisfied on how smooth my plan was going.

Edward came in the room after awhile. He took a quick shower and changed to his pyjamas before climbing to bed.

"Baby?" Edward said softly.

"What?" I asked, making my voice a little groggy and rasped. I waited for him to say something, it was only after a few seconds that he did.

"Nothing. Sleep tight, baby. Goodnight." He kissed my cheek and slid in close to me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Goodnight." He kissed my forehead I felt him move.

I wondered for a moment what it was that he wanted to say, but eventually fell asleep.

The next day, I was being a total bitch to Edward. When he'd ask me what I wanted, I'd always change my mind and in the end, I end up choosing what I have chosen in the first place. I could see that he was trying his best to control his temper.

Every time I saw his jaw tense and his face form into some weird expression, I try my best not to snort in front of him.

Pay back is a bitch.

A couple of days after, Edward was still busy, but at least he got home a little earlier than he did. On Friday night, I was feeling a little nice to him so I ate dinner with him, but I didn't pay much attention. I'm still acting like a bitch and I pretty much ignore him ninety-five percent of the time.

On Saturday, he went to work – not much of a surprise anymore - and didn't come back until it was almost midnight.

My last shred of hope was slowly getting cut by him not being around that day. I was losing hope and I felt the bad vibes of my upcoming birthday. I have been looking forward to it, but then… I don't think I want any birthdays if I would just be feeling neglected.

I was woken when he climbed onto bed, but didn't react.

I felt him kiss me on the cheek and pull me close to him.

I took the chance and snuggled closer to him. I took in his scent and the warmth of his body gladly. I missed this feeling; it was at least, one thing that could make me feel better. I wasn't sure though, but I thought I heard him whisper an apology to me before I was completely knocked out.

The next day, September 12th, I woke up… alone.

I checked my iHome and it was around noon. Edward left a note on my bedside table, saying he's at work.

What the fuck?

On a Sunday?

At least before he worked here, at home! But not in the office?

Tomorrow is my birthday, should I also expect this from him?

I know I may be acting silly, but things are getting out of hand. He's so obsessed with work that he doesn't have time for me – even for himself! He was getting thin, he looks beaten all the time, he's sleep-deprived and nutrients-deprived. He's… he's insane for working like this.

He's… slowly forgetting me.

I moped around all day with my trusty tubs of Ben and Jerry's in my hand. Guess my Push and Pull Theory didn't work. He still isn't going after me or whatever.

Payback is a fucking bitch, I tell you.

It's a total flop!

My plan backfired... screw me!

I guess I'd just have to spend my birthday alone… and wallowing.

After a few hours – I think – I woke again sometime in the late afternoon. I finally decided to get out of bed to listen to my messages. I skipped those from Edward and played the last one from Jacob.

"Hey Bells… I – uh- was just wondering if you'd like to have coffee with me today? If you're up for it. I just… want to have a talk, if you don't mind. So… call me. Bye!" and he hung up.

I checked the time and it was around five thirty in the afternoon.

Without second thoughts, I called Jacob and arranged to meet him in half an hour in a café nearby. I quickly rushed to fix myself and stop this wallowing in my misery thing.

Oh no, payback isn't finished yet, ladies and gentlemen. I left Edward a note posted on the refrigerator:

Went out with Jacob. DO wait for me... please – B

Upon entering the small coffee, I saw Jacob's tall form by the corner. He gave me a small wave and pulled a mug up to show me I didn't have to order.

It has been weeks since Jake and I have spoken. I wonder what we're here for?

"Hey Jake," I said sitting on front of him. "Hi Bells," he greeted.

Jacob was all smiles. The atmosphere between us has a very different feeling and I think there's no more tension between us. I take it as a good thing.

"Glad you called."

"I'm glad you called!" I chuckled. Because of you my plan isn't ruined after all, I wanted to say. That's just one side to it. Of course I also want to hear what he has to say. "So… what's up?" I asked, trying to ease up the semi-awkward feeling.

Jacob leaned forward, propping his elbows to his knees, "I've… been thinking about what you said…" he started with a serious look on his face. Well, we all know what he was talking about and I think he reached a decision. I hope it would be something that is better for the both of us.

"It's… not as easy as I've imagined it to be…" he let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his neck. "…though I've been thinking about this… a lot! I have to say, as much as it hurts… as much as I hate to admit… I think you're right."

I didn't expect Jacob to say this so... peacefully? Maybe so calmly – I mean he wasn't angry or he wasn't pressuring me. I should take it as a good thing.

"I loved you, Bella; I felt something for you , I still do. No need to worry though, I completely understand that I've fucked up my chance." He smiled.

"Jake," I cut in. I didn't want him to feel this way. I wanted him to be free of whatever burden or pain he carries because of me.

He raised his hands, as if stopping me. "No, Bella. I did fuck up. I-What I did was uncalled for. As much as I hate it, I know that I can't do anything to change your mind. I knew from the very beginning that you and Cullen have something – like a bond or whatever. I was just in denial. I just wanted to try…" He sighed, "Oh well, I gave it a shot, didn't I? Thank you for talking in some sense to me, by the way. You should've done that a loooong time ago."

I gave Jake a warm smile. He's finally back to his old goofy self.

"It's… not fair that I made you doubt your feelings for him. I guess… it would suck if you were with me and Cullen made you do that." he said 'Cullen' in mock disgust.

I glared at him jokingly. He raised his hands in surrender, "Can't sue me for hating your boyfriend." He rolled his eyes. I threw a napkin at him and he stuck his tongue out to me.

We both laughed and I felt like we were close to getting back to the old times.

"I'm sorry, Bells." Jacob looked me in the eye.

"No problem, Jake." I smiled back. "Friends?" I asked, holding out my hand for him to take.

His smile grew wide as he reached for my hand, "The best!"

Having the old relationship we've had back, is great! At least I didn't lose one of my closest friends. It's easy again to talk with Jacob, now that everything is clear between us.

"I promise not to make your life miserable. However, if he does, just give me a call and I'll give him a taste of my wrath," he wiggled his brows. "Might want to do that this instant!" I grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked.

Shit. I didn't mean for him to hear that. "Nothing!" I said. I took my mug and drank from my coffee so he wouldn't press further. "Yeah, right… Liar!" Jake said.

Ugh! I'm such a bad liar! Damn it!

"It's… nothing Jake. I don't want to talk about it right now."

Yes you do! A side of me countered. Sure I want someone to make Edward come to his senses.

"Your call," Jake said. "So… any plans for your birthday?" it was apparent that he's excited about it.

I paused for a moment, thinking of what I could do since my original birthday plan will be a bust, damn it! It won't be so bad to have fun, right?

"Are you free tonight?"

Jake raised a brow and drank from his coffee before answering, "Yeah. Why?"

"Come on, let's celebrate my birthday now. My treat!" I emphasized the last two words. I stood up and gathered my things, followed by Jacob.

We ate dinner first at my favorite Italian restaurant, Belo. Jake and I filled each other in about the details things we've missed.

Billy misses me, according to Jacob. He wasn't able to join him to Alice and Jasper's wedding because Jacob didn't want him to tag along – what a loving son, isn't he? After our long and bountiful dinner, we walked around the bistro with our conversation flowing easily from topic to topic.

My phone rang. When I checked, it was a text from Edward saying that he's heading home. He's heading home at nine in the evening… not quite impressive. Not wanting to see him or talk to him, I didn't reply and shoved my phone back in my bag.

"Hey Jake, I want to get a drink. Do you?" I said, cutting him from what he was saying.

"Sure…?" he said, distracted. "Where do you want to go?"

"Uhm… Can we drink at your place? I don't really feel like going to a bar. If you don't mind." I said. "Sure, Bells. Come on, let's buy some booze!"

When we reached his apartment, our arms were full of bags of booze and snacks. It didn't seem like it was a party for two, but for fifty.

"Bells, this isn't 'I want to get a drink', this is 'I want to get drunk!'" he air quoted. I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. "This is a party Jake! Why so serious?"

"I'm not! I just… I'm not finishing everything we bought."

"No one asked you to, kid." I said. Calling Jake 'kid' or something that makes him feel inferior because of his age, annoys him… making it fun to call him that all the time. "Ha ha! Very funny!" Jake rolled his eyes.

As we drank, we continued our conversation and bantering. I missed having this with Jake. Aside from Jasper and Emmett, he's the closest thing to me as a brother. It's nice having him around in my life. It's like my family is complete now.

Shot after shot, I was slowly getting drunk. The conversation between Jacob and I was turning into a deeper setting.

"Bells… Can I ask something?"

"Go ahead," I said. "It's not that I want to ruin things for you again, but I just want some questions answered. Do you mind?"

"No," I said. Answers are all that I could offer him, so I can't deny him that.

"Did… Did you ever feel something… different for me?" he asked. I knew at one point, I'd be answering questions like this.

"By different, you mean romantically?" I clarified, he nodded. "I thought I did, but no. I never did." I said without second thoughts.

"What do you mean you thought?"

"Well… you just… You were always there and we have some real connection, so I thought at one point we might end up together, but that was just it. I didn't fantasize about having a romantic relationship with you. No offense, mate!" I held up my hand, swaying a little.

Jake chuckled. "That's alright, mate. So… how are things with Cullen?"

Annoyance occurred to me. People are given proper names, why do they always have to say their last names with disgust? "His name is Edward! Ugh!" Jake just laughed at me and took a handful of chips into his mouth. "Go on now, Thumbelina." He said with his mouth full.

Not bothering to argue about the name calling thing.

How are Edward and I doing?

We are doing worse! Worse than ever.

"We're doing great…" I trailed off. I poured myself two shots and downed it. I wanted the horrible feeling to go away.

"Really? Well… good for you." Jake said a little skeptical.

The hurt I've been feeling since everything went wrong, was coming alive once again. I can't do this… I can't be thrown away just like a piece of paper…

"… Until three weeks or so ago…"

Tears began falling and I couldn't stop them. I didn't bother to.

Jake's arms wrapped around me and he let me bawl on his chest. I told him what I told Rose. I told him how I felt. I told him about my Push and Pull Theory – not the part where he comes in, though.

After I've cried, Jake spoke for the first time. "Bells, Rose is right. Go talk to him."

"Yeah. Maybe later," I hiccupped.

"No, you have to tell him now." He said, "It's now or never."

"How would I talk to him if he's always at work?" I countered. "If there's a will, there's away, Bella."

Stupid cliché.

"Look, it's just past eleven. He's home, right? You said so. Go talk to him then, I'm sure you'll find the answers you need. Come on Bells, I didn't give up on pursuing to see you like this."

Jake's words made an impact to me. It made me feel quite guilty. He's a great guy and the right person for him will be lucky to have him. "Yeah… I suppose…"

"Come on Bells. You love him, he loves you. Make things work." Jake gave me a genuine smile and I felt really happy to talk to him about this.

"If you all else fails, then you know you can call me, right?"

Whenever it comes to beating each other up, Edward and Jacob have something in common.

"Yeah. I sure will. Just… a couple of shots before I leave?" Jake nodded and we had a few more.

Jake hailed me a cab, as I didn't want him to drink and drive, of course. "Don't chicken out Bells or I'll kick your ass!"

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes. "Bye Jacob. Thanks so much!" I hugged him real tight. "Anything for you, Bells. Give me a call, okay?" he said and I nodded.

"Happy birthday, Bells." he kissed my cheek. "Thanks Jake. Goodnight!" I got in the cab, gave my address and waved to Jake as we drove away.

My stomach was in knots and I wanted to hurl. I kept on practicing what to say to Edward, each came out of my mouth stupidly. In less than ten minutes, I was home.

Well… fuck the short distance between my apartment and Jacob's.

As I rode the elevator, I wanted to barf so bad. What if Edward doesn't want me? What if… what if he was breaking up with me?

Oh God… I need to go to the bathroom.

As I reached my door, I braced myself for whatever it is that will happen. "Don't chicken out, Bella." I echoed Jacob's words.

When I opened the door, I was in the shock of my life.

There were candles lit and rose petals scattered. I put my things on my table by the door, and walked slowly to look at my living room. I found a bouquet of pink lilies scattered on the table and I went to smell it.

Did Edward do this?

I wasn't tipsy anymore.

My heart raced faster. My last shred of hope, won't be gone, after all?

Then I heard something play.

When I turned around, more candles were lit on the end of my living room. Revealing Edward by the window, sitting on a piano bench. When he caught my eye, he smiled at me.

Edward did this!

Still in shock, I walked to him.

I stood close and adjacent to him. I looked at his fingers glide effortlessly on the keys, making the most beautiful rhythm I've ever heard; it was new and refreshing.

As I let myself immerse in the song, I felt really happy. Happy that Edward didn't forget my birthday.

As I listened to the melody, I thought of how everything turned upside down for me. I thought I was going to be greeted by a sleeping or a working Edward, but this – all of this really surprised me. Suddenly my worst birthday, slowly is becoming the best.

The song Edward's playing is something new. It's refreshing.

I was a bit bummed when the song came to an end. I want more.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing before me. He handed me a stem of lily with a note, "Happy birthday, Bella." He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you." I said with my weak knees. It was all I could say for I was speechless, though no one could wipe of the goofy grin I had on my face. I'm really touched with what he did.

I looked at the card and asked with my eyes if I could open it. Edward nodded, "Go ahead." He smiled with a hint of nervousness on his face. I opened the card and melted right then and there.

'You are my life' was written.

I looked up at him, not knowing what to say. I tried opening my mouth a couple of times, but I couldn't come up with something intelligent to say. Edward then moved closer to me and cupped my face with both hands.

Our eyes were on each other, full of emotion. My heart was beating a million times per second. Something feels different now – a good different.

He took a deep breath before saying anything. "Isabella Marie Swan, I love you."

Best birthday. Ever.

That was all it took for our lips to meet. It was beyond passionate! Our hands were caressing each other's face as our tongues slid in and out, our lips moving sweetly together.

Edward loves me.

"I love you too…" I whispered in between kissing.

Edward then pulled my legs up to his waist. His hands held my ass as his fingers brushed along it. He walked to the bedroom and lay me on the bed. I held him close as he hovered over me.

For weeks I've been wondering what it would be like to make love to Edward and now, I know what it feels like. For once, we let our bodies guide us instead of thinking what to do next.

His lips trailed slowly from my neck. I angled my neck to give him more access as he lay open mouthed kisses on my collar bone and neck.

Our clothing were stripped off one by one until we were both naked. We both took our time looking at each other's body; our hands, familiarizing the sensation as they roamed around.

Edward then pushed my back to lay down. He hovered over me and made our lips meet once again. Our kisses grew more frantic… needy. His hands felt wonderful on me as he caressed my breast and played with my nipple.

He then dipped his head to my breasts. A loud moan escaped from me as he worked on my breasts; sucking and licking on the left while his other hand played with my left nipple, switching sides every so often.

I tugged his hair so I could bring his face to mine. we kissed passionately as my hands roamed around his back and to his ass.

His hand trailed down from my breasts to my folds. He ran his fingers up and down my slit before skillfully pumping a finger in. I gripped the sheets and cried out as he added more fingers and pumped faster. "Edward…" I moaned as I reached my peak. Edward removed his fingers in me and caressed my clit instead.

"You… ready?" Edward asked.

I knew what he meant , with a smile, I nodded. I'm ready to make love with Edward.

Edward bent down and gave me a kiss. Our gazes were unbreakable as our sexes slowly connected. Without any words our second guessing, Edward pushed in me, slowly. Both of us gave out satisfied moans as he filled me in.

He felt perfect in me.

He moved slowly at first as we both took in the intimate moment. Eventually, his speed picked up and our breathing grew labored. Our eye contact never broke in the midst of our love making.

Given Edward's fast pace, I know I will be coming in a shirt while. My hand gripped his shoulder while the other tugged his messy mop hair hard as he pushed in and out faster.

"Edward…" I moaned, feeling the tension build up on my abdomen. With a few more of his thrusts, I came as he did. He leaned down and buried his face on the angel of my neck. "Bella…" he moaned, as I also felt his warm release in me.

I wrapped my arms around him as we let our breathing down.

I could never ask for a better birthday.

Everything is perfect.

The time when we both said that we love each other, the setting… everything. I couldn't help but be thankful enough that Jacob talked some sense into me and not let myself drunk.

This is what I wanted and more.

Edward and I lay awake in each other's arms. "Thank you." I kissed his chest. "Thanks for everything."

Edward put a finger under my chin and lifted my face, "Don't thank me yet, but you're welcome, love." He chuckled and gave me a peck.

My heart skipped a beat when he called me 'love'. It felt so surreal that I couldn't help smiling.

I don't know what that meant by not thanking him, but I didn't dwell on it. I fell into a peaceful slumber just a few moments after saying my thank you.

---

End of Chapter 37

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And happy holidays, y'all :)