A/N: Tuesday and as promised here is chapter 38.

'jjoutlaw' and 'kn4sakura' - please keep the reviews as reviews, I don't want an arguement breaking out here. I have already spoken to 'kn4sakura' via PMing and have sorted this out. Don't worry about it all, people are entitiled to their opinions after all. Please keep it civil between readers, I hold no grudges here.

Look out for the next chapter on Thursday, and my festive one-shot is complete. That will be up soon, so keep an eye out for that too.

On a side note, Saturday's chapter might not have an author's note. Reason being is I'm off to Leicester to pick my younger brother up from Uni on Friday and I won't be back till mid Saturday if things go how I think they will. I might get lucky and be back the same day. But the relevent chapter is already uploaded, my tablet and phone don't let me write things on this site too well so I may have to skip the note and just post it without. We will see, I just thought I'd give you all a heads up.

Now... how about that chapter? I'm sure I had it here somewhere... Ah! found it!

Digimon Tamers: Quantum Displacement Theory and Other Big Words

Chapter 38

My sleep was plagued with nightmare after nightmare. Kiara's death was present in most, but some were of her in different ways.

I stood in whiteness with her before me. She had a look of hurt on her face, paw pointing accusingly.

"You've betrayed me!"

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. "I would never betray you Kiara. You know this."

"You're sleeping with Renamon! How is that not betrayal? The very night I died you were with her!" Kiara was screaming at me now, her voice heavily tainted with hurt.

I tried to justify myself even though I agreed with her. "That's not fair! You died, Renamon took me back. I didn't ask her to stay-"

"But you asked her tonight though! You asked her to hold you for fuck sake! You betrayed me!"

She leapt at me, claws going for my throat. It was HYPNOS all over again. She chased me around the whiteness, intent on killing me. I ran for as long as I could before something tripped me. Kiara was upon me instantly, slashing my clothing and mauling my body all at once.

"Traitor! I loved you Axel and this is how you repay me! Well if I can't have you then neither can she!"

And with that she shredded my chest cavity and crushed my heart in her paws.

I bolted awake, grabbing for air as my hands clutched my chest. Renamon was awake just as quickly, soothing me back to sleep. I calmed eventually as I laid back down on the bed.

"It's alright Axel. I'm still here with you."

I was too tired to comment, drifting back to sleep within seconds. More nightmares followed, giving me another restless night.

By the time morning arrived I had only had about an hour of sleep. Rings were around my eyes, showing my lack of rest. It was difficult to keep them open for long.

Renamon allowed me the privacy I needed to sort myself out in the morning, the shower being several degrees colder than usual and the sound of falling water muffling my grief as I vented again. Renamon noticed that I had shed tears again when I came back out, her arms supporting me as soon as I was within reach.

"I'll take you to Rika's. You can eat there, alright?"

I just nodded, too distressed to argue about anything. My home reminded me of Kiara anyway. I didn't want to forget her, but the constant reminders were destroying me at the moment.

We travelled to Rika's home as she said, Seiko seeing us and asking how I was. Renamon just gave her a look when I didn't answer. She went off to do whatever she was going to do as Renamon took me to the lounge.

Rika was there, sifting through her cards. Seeing her doing the very thing I did each day with Kiara set off more memories. I tensed suddenly, drawing Renamon's attention. She obviously saw my distress and glanced to Rika. She made the connection quickly.

"Rika?" She turned at the sound of her name. "Cards."

Rika glanced at her deck and then to me. She too made the connection and stashed them away, hiding her digivice as well for good measure, but I still knew they were there. As mine were at home. The damage was done, a single tear breaking free from my right eye.

Renamon caught the tear on her finger, wiping it away. "It's alright Axel. It's just you, me and Rika. Nothing else."

"That's the problem... No Kiara..." My voice was quiet and halting, more tears forming I spoke.

Renamon pulled me closer to her. "You'll be alright Axel. We're here for you."

Rika now stood on the other side of me, also holding me but in an awkward manner. It was obvious that she didn't know what to do, and with her being so much younger than me things could be interpreted in the wrong light. I didn't blame her, even I didn't know what to do. "You can stay here if it's easier for you Axel. We have more than enough room."

I remained silent again, still unable to amswer. More and more things were reminding me of my loss. Rika and her cards. Renamon with her being the exact same digimon species as Kiara. Even my own home. I was never going to escape my grief.

Seiko found us with a light breakfast. I was semi forced into eating by Renamon, saying I hadn't eaten since that day when it all fell apart. I wasn't hungry but I made an effort, seeing as I was a guest after all. I didn't want to appear rude even if I was in severe emotional pain.

Renamon left me briefly to speak with Rika and Seiko. I sat where I was put, my mind instantly drawing me into itself with visions of Kiara's death. Her final words echoing within my mind as well as my futile pleas for her to stay.

"Axel..."

"Shh, I'm here Kiara. We're going to be alright now."

"I love you Axel..."

"No! Don't you do this to me Kiara! You stay with me! We're going to get through this, stay with me!"

"There's not a single moment I regret Axel... I wouldn't change a thing if I had the chance, I'd do it all again with you..."

"Don't leave me Kiara! We can survive this together! Stay with me! As your tamer I order you to stay with me!"

"Never forget Axel... Never forget that I will always love you..."

"I love you too Kiara. Don't leave me, please..."

Our final kiss was the hardest part to both accept and forget. I didn't want to forget her by any means, but my mind was tearing me to pieces with those last moments I had with her.

Why was I even bothering with this life? I had just lost everything, what else remained for me now? I felt myself slipping again, the tendrils of despair clawing at me from the holes in my heart.

"Let go Axel. Let go and rejoin her and become one once more. It's a simple thing to do. Let go and she can be yours again, now and forever. Just as you both said."

Over and over the darkness in my soul tempted me, willing me to end myself. My vision landed on a sharp knife, visible in the adjacent kitchen.

"Yes Axel. Let go and rejoin her. It's what you want, we both know it. We all know it."

"No Axel. Think, would she want this for you? Would she want you to throw yourself away so easily?" The voice of reason, trying to fight against the temptation.

"What would it matter if you had her again? That's all that matters, rejoining her."

"No Axel. She would want you to continue what you started, you know this."

"All you know is pain Axel. Nothing remains for you here. Go on, release yourself and find her again. You know she's waiting for you."

"Think Axel."

"Do it Axel. Do it now!"

"Shut up!" Rika, Renamon and Seiko rushed in at the sound of my voice. I still sat, head in my hands as I rocked back and forth. "Just shut up!"

Renamon's arms circled me quickly. "No one's talking Axel. It's just us here."

"Do it Axel."

"It's not the answer Axel."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut! Up!"

The voices in my head fell silent, as did I. I didn't know what to think anymore, my mind was a war zone. One half wanted me to die to rejoin Kiara and the other wanted me to live and honour her memory. I was torn with indecision, the two sides pulling me apart at the seams. My mental state flexed wildly as tension built within me. Just one move and I could snap in two.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I could hear maniacal laughter, the shroud of insanity creeping up on me. I could feel the threads unwinding again, my sanity straining to hold me together. I was slipping faster and faster.

I began to shake violently in Renamon's arms, her grip tightening around me as she tried to find out what was wrong. Rika desperately called out to me as my mind was joined to the vixen's. She saw what I was going through, felt it as her own. I sensed her mind recoil from the desperate state of my mental health shortly before she radiated clarity towards me, trying to pull me to her and reassemble my fractured mind into its former whole.

"Come to me Axel. I can save you from this." She spoke with both her lips and her mind. "Reach out to me Axel, let me take you from this place."

I struggled to reach her, brushing the strands of my sanity as they strained to hold together. She extended further towards me, touching the core of my consciousness and forcing past her limits to reach me.

"That's right Axel. I can save you. Come to me."

I tried to reach her, feeling the last few threads of sanity creak with pressure. One by one I felt them snap, the ends whipping across my mind. The laughter increased in intensity, causing me to falter within myself.

Renamon reached out even further. I could sense her connection with me begin to destabilize, her own mind unable to take much more. I forced myself towards her with one last effort, insanity only moments away, and brought my mental being into contact with hers. She immediately engulfed my consciousness with her own, warding off my nightmarish visions as tendrils of her mind extended further to wrap around my own.

"Rest Axel. I will keep the darkness from you. Rest easy, I will be here when you wake."

I couldn't rest. No matter what I knew sleep wouldn't find me. Renamon tried to fix my sanity but only managed to stabilise it. I was released again, my mind calmer now it wasn't falling apart. It was far from healthy but at least it wasn't getting worse.

Renamon's mind returned to herself as I opened my eyes. She looked at me with great concern, Rika and Seiko mimicking her expression. Two furry arms held me as she panted from her exertion. Her paws covered my ears slightly, although I could still hear what she tried to keep from me.

"His mind is damaged greatly."

"How bad?" Rika's voice.

"Very. I have never seen such a fractured consciousness. There isn't anything I can do except stop it getting worse, even that isn't easy. He is at war with himself, that's the best way to describe it. One half wants him to die and the other wants him to live on."

"Why should he want to die Renamon?" Seiko this time.

"His mind believes that if he dies he will join Kiara again. That is enough for half of him to fight against the other. I fear for his sanity, it's already fraying rapidly. There's a darkness within him that shouldn't be there, I could also hear maddening laughter."

"Insanity. He's losing himself." Seiko again. I also heard Rika's gasp of shock.

"I'll take him back home, being where he knows might help him. Hopefully I can make him sleep tonight."

My ears were uncovered again as Renamon helped me to stand. We went back to my home where Renamon placed me in bed again. She didn't seem to phase around as much as Kiara did, nor as much as she seemed to in the series I watched. Perhaps she wasn't sure of the effects on people, like me who she was holding.

I wasn't aware for much of the time, but I did know she spent the rest of the day trying to make me sleep so she could try to fix my mind. It was all futile, I didn't get any sleep until darkness fell outside. Even then it was traumatic. More visions plaguing me despite Renamon's attempts to soothe me. I felt her leave though, saying she was needed. She also said she would be back soon. I knew what she meant. Another digimon had come over, though what one was obviously unknown to me.

I laid there, alone, with more and more dreams playing in my head. None were good but some were stranger than others.

I opened my eyes to see a thick fog surrounding me, silhouettes of buildings just visible. I checked myself over, everything seemed to be right. My energy was low though.

Gingerly I walked forwards, leaving the fog behind and slipping into shadows. I traced my steps towards home along the usual routes. It was dark now and most people were indoors with families or friends.

I entered Shinjuku park, the sights familiar to me as I walked through. The gentle breeze calmed me down as I neared my home. I could see it now.

I touched the door and opened it, stepping inside and closing it again. The lounge still smelt the same, still looked the same. I pushed it from my mind as I headed for the bedroom.

The door was open slightly as I neared it. I opened it fully, noting the destroyed bed. I lingered on the slashed sheets and dried sexual fluids that covered it.

I moved closer to the bed, arms reaching out for the one who slept in it. His form was shaking with violent dreams, unseen terrors plaguing him. I touched his shoulder, gently shaking him awake.

His green eyes opened weakly, staring at me as his mind tried to identify me in his sleepy state.

"It's alright Axel. I'm here now."

He smiled in gratitude as I sat beside him, stroking his hair to soothe him. He nestled against me for a few minutes when he suddenly tensed.

I watched him recoil from me, eyes searching my body and fixing on my eyes. I smiled at him. His mouth opened, no sounds coming as he tried to force the words out. He tried again, a hoarse croak this time. I was about to stop him before he hurt himself when he tried again, a single word forming from his dry throat.

"Kiara?"