VANDER'S POV
"Ida!" I run after her as she walks through the hallway, head down, a duffle bag over her shoulder.
"Ida, wait!" I tug on the bag and she finally turns around.
"Vander, I-"
"Where are you going?"
I was 8 at the time.
"I'm leaving."
"Wh-what?"
"I'm going away. You won't see me anymore."
"I know what leaving is, sis. Why?"
"I'm getting away from this house. Mom and Dad are terrible parents. Don't take after them, okay?"
"Ida-" It all clicks in that moment, that Ida's going to be gone forever and I may never be able to talk to her again. I'll be all by myself in this house with these drunk parents that don't feed us and only notice us when there's some dirty work they want us to do…
And, to top it all off, I have a baby to take care of.
"Promise you won't, alright?" she asks, looking at me with stone-set eyes.
"I-I promise." My voice breaks. I don't want to break down, and yet I dissolve into a sobbing mess.
She frowns and quickly kisses the top of my head. "I'm going now. I wish you all the best," she says quickly.
"Wait, Ida! Take me with you! Don't leave me here with the baby!" I shout desperately. "PLEASE DON'T GO!"
She runs toward the door and exits without even looking back. "IDA NO!" I shout, running after her, but I collapse on my knees as soon as I reach the door.
What a stupid kid I was. I should've gone and grabbed her and made her come back. I couldn't take care of a baby, and I knew that. Somehow, somehow she didn't die and made it to an age where she could start to care for herself.
I spent many sleepless nights with her. Taking care of her. When she was sick, I stayed home from school and spent the days with her. I taught her how to speak, her first word was "hunga," but I couldn't get food into her mouth…
Eventually we kept growing up and she got used to the fact that we never had enough to eat. She got used to being called an it, she thought that was okay. I let her think that.
So as soon as I was 18, I ended up understanding why Ida didn't take us with her, though I still resented her for leaving an 8-year-old and a baby with parents like ours. I don't think I could've taken care of a baby and an 8-year-old by myself, either. But, even an unexperienced teen would've been better than those parents.
So, the day I turned 18, a windy and cold fourth of September, I packed my stuff. But before I left, I honored the vow I made a long time ago when I was nothing than a stupid 8 years old.
"Meli?" I knock and enter the little girl's room. She's eleven, with blonde hair that's naturally straight and so soft when I end up stroking it, those rare occasions when she'd fall asleep curled up against me. As we got older and older, those times happened less and less.
Amelia, my little sister, looks up and gasps, inching closer to the corner on her bed, where she was sitting. "V-Vander! What are you doing here!?" she practically shouts. "H-Happy birthday, is that what you want?"
I blink at her, walking in the room and trying to ignore her jerking her way into the corner the closer I come, watching me with wide blue-violet eyes. "I'm eighteen now. Do you remember at all what happened when Ida turned eighteen?"
"She left."
"That's right. She did leave. Now I'm 18, too."
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes, I'm leaving." I kneel down in front of her, trying to ignore how she avoids my eyes.
"Oh. Right."
"But I don't want to be like Ida. I want to take you with me."
She stares at me. "What?"
"You're my baby sister and I love you, and I'm leaving this terrible house and I want to take you with me. I'll be your guardian."
"Vander, I…" she turns away from me on her bed, "I can't do that."
I can't believe this. I think back to how I felt when Ida left, how betrayed and alone and angry I was… How bad I wanted her to take us, too. Why doesn't Amelia want to come with me!?
"Why not?" My voice has gained a harsh edge without my meaning it to.
"Because, Vander… I'm okay here…"
"Mom and Dad'll force you to take tesserae for them! You can't let them do that, Amelia!" My voice breaks, "You can't go into the Games…"
"I won't."
"You don't know that. It could be anyone! It could be anyone in the world! I have one more year, I'll take tesserae out for you and for me! I'll protect you, I'll work for both of us, I'll watch over you, why won't you come with me!?"
"It's just… Sometimes you scare me. Sometimes you get rabid, you forget the people who are important to you… you worry me and I can't live like that."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
It's true.
"You never remember it when you do these things!"
"I DON'T HURT ANYONE!" I shout.
"Yes you do!" she turns to face me.
"COME WITH ME!" I shout, tears forming, "YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME! IDA DIDN'T TAKE ME BUT YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO COME WITH ME! TAKE IT!"
"WELL I'D RATHER BE NEGLECTED HERE THAN ABUSED WITH YOU! YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED AS A GUARDIAN SO JUST DROP IT AND FORGET YOU EVER OFFERED!"
I don't remember anything else that happened after that. From there, everything becomes blurry, muffled sounds of a little girl screaming, sensations of sharp pain that I think I inflicted upon myself, looking back.
Screams pound in my head and I wake up suddenly, screaming my lungs out and sobbing. Al sits over me, his green eyes looking broken. My screams dissolve into whimpers, which explode into quiet sobs. I can't believe this… How bad of a brother I was…
"Vander, snap out of it…" Al growls, staring me straight in the eyes. "Snap out of it now, please."
I wipe my eyes and respond with a low, "Run while you can."
"What?"
"Run. Run, get away from here! Away from me! I can't be trusted to take care of you, Al! I get rabid!" My voice lowers to a whisper, "I… I… I forget the people that are important to me."
"I'm not leaving."
"You need to go now! Break my heart now! Don't let me destroy you! I'll get over it because I'll know it'll be better if I know you're safe."
"What are you saying? I couldn't leave you now!"
"I'm saying that I'm dangerous!"
"Well I'm not going anywhere!"
"You need to get out of here, Al… You need to just go…" I whimper, "Go now, get away before I hurt you! I want you to stay away from harm, never want you to be hut, because I love you!"
He stares at me with wide eyes. "You just said it."
"Said what?"
"Those words…"
"Shit."
"No, it's…"
"No matter. You need to go."
"I'm not going anywhere." His soft hand wipes tears away and strokes the side of my face. "I'm not going anywhere because I love you."
"You should-"
"I'm not." He wraps his arms around my stomach and lays his head on my chest, nuzzling my neck and kissing my neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Go back to sleep, darling." He keeps peppering soft kisses up my neck and eventually I wrap my arms around his neck and give into him, pressing my lips to his soft hair.
"I love you too," I whisper. I close my eyes again.
Did… Did he just keep me from having a breakdown?
I feel his soft breathing below me and smile a little, eventually dozing off again.
~.~.
After a little while longer, Al and I finally agree to get married. After being rejected a marriage registration form because he's a dude and I'm also a dude, we decide to have our own wedding anyways.
Today's the day. We sit together in his bedroom, shirtless, bowties around our necks and nice pants, tangled together, him on my lap nice and warm. We don't have family that would come to our wedding, so we decide to be creative.
"So, are you ready to get married?" he asks, his eyes shining with happiness.
"Yeah. So ready." I reach in my back pocket, shifting a little to do so. "So I'll start. I take his hand from where it was resting on my lower stomach, and I put the ring on his finger, smiling.
He looks at it with wide eyes. "Vander…"
"I worked for a couple months to get it. As soon as the first thought about getting married came to my head. It's made out of chrome, though you can't really tell because it's kind of old and rusty."
He stares at the ring on his finger. "Oh my God…" his voice shakes a little bit. He throws his arms around my neck and buries his face there, laughing against my skin. "I can't believe it! It's beautiful… Thank you…"
"I love you."
He laughs, "I love you too."
He smiles at me and I start my vows. "Al, I have to be honest: you changed me more than anything's ever done. Around you, I think straight. You terrify me but excite me at the same time. I fear nothing more than losing you… I never thought I could commit, and I did, and I will do it happily for as long as I live. I'll make sure to beat up any bitches you don't like and make sure that your face is constantly smiling, your plate is constantly full, and any boners you have are duly dealt with."
He laughs, "Oh my God," and I laugh with him.
"The point is that I love you and nobody else is allowed to have you but me. For all of eternity. And I couldn't be happier." I smile at him, and his green eyes smile back at me.
"Well, I'm no good at speeches, but I feel so comfortable and happy that I don't' even care if I sound like an absolute idiot." He laughs nervously, I grin at him.
"First of all… Well, the day we first met was so surreal. I never really said it, but I'm sorry I smacked you with a cutting board." He laughs a little, "Though it is arguable that you deserved it." We both laugh loudly, letting out all the happiness and amusement in one glorious sound.
"Get on with it, Dork," I say, smiling bigger than I think I ever have in my life.
"Alright, alright. Anyways, seeing you so hurt that day really bothered me, and I had no idea why. It's why I invited you back. But, now… Now I know why. It's because, as long as I may live, maybe even longer than that… I never ever want to see you hurt ever again. I love you and you're all mine now. The future is a lot brighter considering you're in it. I may be kinda poor, but you don't seem to care… And I couldn't be happier to live with you." He takes my hand and kisses my ring finger gently. "I'll get you a ring someday. I promise."
"You don't even have to. I love you anyways."
He laughs, a happy laugh, and I laugh too. "Good. Oh, and another thing. To all those assholes who think we won't get married because we can't be "legally" wed, well, screw all of you!"
I laugh and shout, "YOU CAN'T TELL US WHAT TO DO!"
"THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA WILL BE CARRIED OUT IN FULL!" Al shouts, and we both dissolves into fits of crazy giggles.
"So, let's seal this thing," he says, and I smile and nod.
"FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK WE WON'T BE WED!" I shout, and then we both shout it again together before he presses his lips against mine.
The kiss seems to end too soon, but feeling him breathe against me, looking into his beautiful green eyes that smile back at me… It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy and like I'm flying through a clear blue sky…
Suddenly he jumps off the bed and sweeps me off with him, putting his hands on my shoulders, "Dance with me!"
"There's no music!" I laugh.
"There doesn't have to be." He smiles at me and I put my hands on his waist as he guides me in swaying from side to side. As time goes on, we get closer and closer together, him up against me humming a folk song they sing in District Three. I laugh gleefully and sing at the top of my lungs along with him, swaying side-to-side in time with the song. As soon as I start singing, he sings with me, both of us at the top of our lungs.
We may sound ridiculous, but I don't even care. I feel so happy I throw my head back and just keep singing, and he laughs and sings with me as we spin rapidly and sway. I sing all the songs I've ever known, and he sings the ones he knows with me and then belts out a couple I don't recognize, laughing the whole time along with me.
Neither of us can sing very well, so it's a little (or a lot) comical listening to us attempt to sing and harmonize like we've heard.
When we've both run out of songs, we continue swaying back and forth for a while, just watching each other with ridiculous smiles on our faces.
"I love you so damn much," I say, a little laughter escaping with the statement.
"I love you so damn much, too," he says back, smiling. Then he kisses me, forcing me to lay on the bed and laughing happily against my lips.
~.~.
It's a cold January evening, a couple days after I got married. It was a cold night, and somehow I'd gotten a hold of a winter hat and a pair of gloves. I'd just traded and payed for some warm bread from the bakery, and I'm going home to see the most beautiful person I know. I couldn't be happier.
Suddenly, I kick something laying on the sidewalk by mistake. I stop in my tracks as snow starts to fall from the sky. Suddenly I hear crying.
A baby.
Looking around, I see no one. Looking down, there he is, a little human sitting in a basket. He's gotta be older than a newborn, I'd say at least one. I pick up the basket, looking around to see if someone might've lost him. I see no one.
"Hey there little guy…" I pick him up out of the basket and hold him. He's fairly light for a kid of his size… He needs a good home.
Then Amelia's nasty words find their way back into my head. What am I doing? I can't raise a kid!
But, though it's only been a little over a year, I've changed a lot. I'm not alone anymore, either. And I certainly can't leave this kid out on the street… No way, not when he's looking at me with those big blue eyes.
"Hey buddy…" I bounce him a little, and soon his cries quiet. "It's not good for you to be sitting out here in the cold. How about I take you home with me?" He doesn't cry… "You're going to like Al. He'll be a good father. And I'll try really hard. I keep bouncing him until he seems to calm down a tad. When I start walking home, he grabs a handful of my shirt in his little hand.
Something darts out from the bushes into the night, just then.
It… It was definitely a raccoon. I ignore the footprints in the snow (they clearly aren't from any kind of animal) and start on my way home, though a nagging voice in the back of my head repeatedly asks if maybe that was the baby's mother.
But now, those footsteps are much too light to have been from an adult. Had to have been his sister or someone. I enter the house and smell tea brewing.
"Hey dear-" Al stops short when he sees the child in my arms. "Uh… You… You have an extra grocery."
"Sorry…" I say quietly. "I guess I should've asked, I just…. He was on the sidewalk, and I couldn't say no to him. Just look at those eyes!" I hold him up to Al, who looks a little bit scared of him.
"You… You think we could be good parents?"
"We can't be any worse than mine!" I try.
"But… My parents… They were awful. Never spoke to me, I had to nurse them from the time I could think for myself. Constantly screaming, neither of them worked… They were a pair of messes… I don't want to do the same to this poor kid…"
"We won't. I know we won't. And if you want, we can make ground rules to follow to make sure we're not like them."
"Not a bad idea…" he says thoughtfully. The baby by now is asleep in my arms. I smile.
"We have to name him, too."
"We do?"
"Yeah." I smile and he smiles back.
"We could name him Alistair Jr.," I tease.
He laughs, "Oh God no."
We both think, Al nervously fidgeting with the ring I got for him. The ring. That's it!
"Chrome!"
He looks up. "Huh?"
"Chrome! Like, to name the kid?"
"Chrome, huh?" He looks at the kid, stroking his little tufts of blonde hair gently. "Chrome. I think I like that. It suits him."
"Chrome it is. Chrome Vladamire-Link."
He smiles up at me and I exchange it.
"Oh yeah, and I brought bread too," I say, holding up the warm loaf.
"Great," he smiles, breaking it and giving me a piece. "Now let's get started on those ground rules."
~.~.
VANDER AND ALISTAIR'S GUIDE RULES TO BEING NOT SUCKY PARENTS
1. Chrome and any other child we adopt in the future will never, under any circumstances, be referred to with the pronoun "it."
2. People make mistakes sometimes. We should always try to be patient with kids and with each other.
3. We will never leave the baby crying.
4. We will be active in the kid's life for as long as they want us to be.
5. We will be fair in chastising.
6. If the kid's gay, cool. If he's not, cool. If bitches give him trouble, we talk to them.
7. We will always be aware of his forearms, abdomen, and back of his legs in case he needs us more than we thought.
8. If the baby cries when we're doing the do, we abandon the do until he's content and asleep again.
9. As the kid or kids gets/get older, we teach them/him to always knock on closed doors so they don't get scarred for life.
10. No matter what, we'll never stop trying our best to be good dads.
11. We love the kid(s) to death. We try to protect them from the Hunger Games. We protect them with our lives.
12. No matter how many people doubt us because we're both guys and both mentally screwy, we prove those motherfuckers wrong and raise ourselves a kickass kid or group of kids.
~.~.
To be continued…