Several readers have commented on this being alternative universe from 7th Heaven. In a way that is true as my story delves significantly of course from the direction Brenda Hampton took when Lucy finished high school. At the same time I think that my characters may actually be more consistent and realistic with the way the characters had developed over Lucy's senior year of high school. Eric & Annie's reactions and approaches to dealing with the struggles facing their family seemed very acharacteristic and while I have amplified some of that for effect I'm not sure that Annie's reaction to Lucy's final plea for help in the Stewart's study (which comes up in later chapters) is inconsistent with the Annie that banished the children from the house. It is inconsistent with the Annie from earlier seasons but the show took a dramatic veer away from earlier season character development around this time anyway.

If any of you are Mary fan's I'd really love input on her character development and any suggestions on where to go. Although I don't think that it's realistic for the Camden's problems to be magically solved over the Holiday season I do plan to have Mary come to grips with her own issues and move on. I'm not sure exactly how I'll work that though (again suggestions welcome). In many ways Mary's scenes are very challenging for me to write as a lot of her senior year and beyond are completely inconsistent with the young woman she had become. The whole incident in the gym never fit for me I realize that Jessica Biel wanted to leave the show but honestly it would have worked just as well for her to have continued being Mary and sent her off to UNC or some other women's basketball power school on the east coast.

It was after eleven when they finally returned to the Stewart residence. They were surprised to find Matt still up and wondered if he had waited up for them. In reality he was expecting a call from a caseworker regarding the case he had heard earlier in the evening. However, when he made the requisite trip to Mary's room and searched everything until he had retrieved her recent acquisition of fresh bag of pot she wondered the same thing. Mary was somewhat curious as to why Kristin or Matt hadn't told her parents, however even that threat didn't scare her much. She knew her parents simply wouldn't believe that she had done anything wrong. It was kind of cool actually.

Lucy awoke early, around three AM the next day. However, looking at the clock she realized she had probably slept for at least twelve hours. She yawned, stretched and was about to turn on the light by her bed when she remembered that Ruthie was asleep. Instead she crept out into the hall and eventually started down the stairs into the kitchen. She was surprised to see Adam sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar in a pair of pajamas. He had a glass of juice sitting beside him and was scribbling on a pad. Hearing footsteps on the stairs he looked up from his writing.

Lucy descended the final stair and turned into the kitchen uncomfortably. "Good morning Lucy," Adam began warmly.

"Morning." Lucy mumbled "Why are you up so early?"

"I suppose I could ask you the same question," Adam suggested jovially. He offered her a stool via gesture. Lucy sat down on a vacant stool. "Sometimes I wake up early struck with inspiration and I've often found it most productive to just get up and write my sermon then."

"Oh, well considering I went to sleep at least twelve hours ago perhaps I've slept enough," Lucy said.

"Sounds reasonable. Juice?" Adam offered standing to retrieve some from the refrigerator.

"Sure," Lucy said.

Lucy sat on her stool uncomfortably sipping her juice. She wondered how much Adam knew about her life, how much Derek, Kristin, or his parents had told him. Without knowing that she felt uncertain what to say.

Adam broke the uneasy silence, "Kristin tells me you're majoring in theology?"

"Well kind of, I'm double majoring in theology and psychology."

"Interesting I was actually a psychology major undergrad and then I went to seminary."

"Yeah Derek explained that," Lucy said. She had a feeling Adam had a point to the conversation and she felt like they were merely circling around it, and that made her uncomfortable. Without really understanding she found herself in tears.

Adam placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Lucy is something wrong?"

"I don't know, everything is just so messed up right now," Lucy said tears still falling.

"What do you mean?" Adam inquired.

"I feel like such a failure."

"Why?"

"I can't do this, I'm really trying."

"It's ok Lucy. You aren't a failure, we all struggle at times it's then we need to look to the Lord to guide us."

"I haven't prayed in awhile. I guess that's awful to admit to a minister."

"It's not something I don't hear often. Too often. I don't understand it but for some reason many people forget how to pray when they need the Lord's love and guidance most. It's sad because there really isn't a right way to pray. It's just a personal conversation with God."

"I don't know what to say."

"Why not tell him what you just told me? He's listening Lucy and he cares."

Slowly Lucy clasped her hands, bowed her head, and closed her eyes. She was silent but Adam hoped she was communicating with God. He as well closed his eyes and prayed for God to give Lucy peace, strength, and courage to battle her eating disorder.

They were both still in prayer when Cynthia came into the kitchen in a workout suit ready to head to the health club and then the hospital. She quietly went into the pantry and retrieved several power bars as Danielle and Kati came traipsing down the stairs.

Adam looked up to see his mother leading his younger sisters through the kitchen as they were munching on power bars. He met her eyes and she smiled at him. Lucy was oblivious to their entrance or departure still sitting silently with her head bowed and hands clasped. Finally she opened her eyes, "I'm not sure that was the right thing to say," she said.

"There isn't a wrong way to pray Lucy. As my favorite five year old sister pointed out, 'It's just talking to God, why do people have to make it hard?' I thought it was a good question and I wish I knew the answer."

"I think I need to go back to bed," Lucy said rinsing her juice glass in the sink and then placing it one of the two empty dishwashers before turning and heading back upstairs.

It was a little after 4 and still dark in her room when she climbed back into bed next to Ruthie who didn't even stir in her sleep. Lucy shut her eyes as well but she didn't sleep. As Lucy lay in bed gradually the sun started to rise and eventually it was light outside. It was then that she noticed the packages on the chair in her room. At first she was surprised and then she remembered it was her birthday. Excitedly she crept out of bed and across the room to the two gifts on her chair.

She opened the card first. On the outside of the card it said "Your Birthday is Very Special to Me" and on the inside it read "I'm glad you were born!" On the inside Derek had written:

Luce,

I love you! Happy Birthday!

Love,

Derek

Lucy's eyes misted at the card, she wondered if parents still felt the same way. They had been distant with her since their arrival with the exception of the episode in Derek's room on Christmas Eve. She had tried to talk to her mom a few times but she had always been distracted and that hurt. Lucy didn't really understand why her parents were staying if they hated her and resented the Stewarts what was the point? She knew she needed to make one final attempt to open their eyes about Mary. She had asked Kristin and the Stewarts to be there when she tried but she realized she wanted to tell Derek before she told them. She also realized she didn't want to tell Derek on her birthday, was it too much to ask for just one special day that she could look back on with only happy memories?

Meanwhile in Brooklyn Matt Camden sleepily hit his alarm clock and rolled over surprised to find that his wife Sarah's side of the bed was empty. Just then Sarah came in from the bathroom wearing Matt's robe with her hair in a towel turban. "The bathroom is all yours!" she said cheerfully sitting down on their bed and opening the bottom drawer of their dresser.

Matt yawned sleepily. He and Sarah had been in the anatomy lab until almost 10 last night and then had decided to stop for pizza on the way home. It had been almost midnight before he finally was in bed.

"Come on sleepyhead," Sarah nudged him again. "It's already 7:30 and I thought you wanted to leave by 8."

Grumpily Matt dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. Sarah finished dressing in a pair of jeans, a turtleneck, and shaker knit sweater. She slid her feet into a pair of penny loafers and ambled out of the bedroom into their small living room/ kitchen area. She set to work making a pot of coffee and then got out some cereal and milk. She poured a bowl of cornflakes for herself and one for Matt. She added milk to hers and sat down at the counter to eat. As she ate she glanced at the directions to Pembroke she had pulled up on the internet. It looked like the trip would take almost 4 hours but she wasn't sure that mapquest allowed for NYC traffic when calculating travel time.

Sarah finished her cereal and washed her bowl and juice glass as they were not fortunate enough to have a dishwasher in their apartment. When Matt was out of the shower she planned to finish her hair and brush her teeth otherwise she was ready to go. Sarah pulled out her anatomy text for a little review while she waited for her husband to finish in the shower. When they returned after New Years on January 2nd they had both their physiology written exam and then their Anatomy practical. Most of their classmates were spending the entire vacation locked in the library or anatomy lab. In some ways she was surprised she was agreeing to go with Matt to visit Lucy. However, she was the one who had suggested the trip.

When Ruthie had called on Christmas Eve Sarah had answered the phone. She had been disturbed to hear the terror in Ruthie's voice and as she and Matt talked about it later she became more concerned when he told her about similar previous episodes. Just then Matt interrupted her thoughts as he came out of the bedroom dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved polo shirt.

"I made coffee and poured you some cereal. I know you don't like it soggy so I waited for you to add the milk. I'm going to go finish my hair and brush my teeth."

Finally around 9 am Matt and Sarah were loading their bags into Sarah's honda civic that they were both sharing as there was no way they could afford to have two cars in the city. Matt started the car as Sarah got into the passenger side and they began their trek to Pembroke, PA.

As Matt drove Sarah found herself feeling drowsy and she laid her head back and shut her eyes. She didn't sleep immediately though as she thought about seeing Matt's parents again. She understood their concern of their son not marrying a Christian as her parents had wished her to marry someone of her own faith as well. Eventually though they had accepted that Matt truly did make her happy, and for that they were happy. She supposed at least on the surface Matt's parents had realized the same thing. However, Sarah couldn't help but think that they felt that Sarah shouldn't make Matt happy. In addition to the religion issue Annie had made her feelings that it was wrong for Sarah to pursue a career in medicine very clear. At first Sarah had been hurt but she had come to realize that her relationship with Matt was just that, HER relationship with Matt.

Sarah did drift off to sleep. She awoke a little before twelve when Matt was pulling into a service area along the interstate. "Nice rest?" Matt inquired.

"Actually yes," Sarah replied. "Ooh but my neck is a little sore," she said rubbing it. "Where are we?" she finally asked.

"I think we are about an hour away. Traffic wasn't too bad actually. We need gas and I'm starving so perhaps we should stop for lunch now."

"OK" Sarah agreed taking Matt's hand as they went into the restaurant. They had a quick lunch at the taco bell kiosk and then refueled and were back on the road. They drove along the interstate eventually Matt noticed signs for the two Pembroke exits.

"Do you know which exit we should take?" Matt asked.

"I believe it's the first exit," Sarah said.

"Ok" Matt said signaling and then moving into the exit lane. They stopped at the end of the ramp.

"Ok we want to go right onto Sunset Ave and then quickly make a left onto Primrose Lane" Sarah navigated as Matt drove. They passed the PEMBROKE GOLF COURSE & COUNTRY CLUB. "Ok, now we turn left onto CYPRESS STREET" Sarah instructed. "Now right onto Lexington Avenue."

Matt followed her directions easily. He remembered multiple family trips where his father had not listened to his mother's directions and unfortunately she was usually the only one who had looked at the map. The end result was usually hours rerouting and on one occasion they had run out of gas during one of their little misadventures. Definitely not a habit Matt wished to adopt.

They drove along LEXINGTON AVENUE past the grounds of LILAC PARK ELEMENTARY and then followed the road behind LILAC PARK and past several houses and small shops. Finally the came to an intersection with MAIN STREET. Matt stopped at the stop sign, "Which way should I turn?"

"Actually we were supposed to turn right onto LILAC DRIVE. But I would think that would be before we got to Main Street and it seemed to be that way on the directions. Why don't you turn left and then we'll find somewhere to turn around and try it again," Sarah suggested.

So Matt turned left and drove past the north end of the TOWN SQUARE and then the POLICE STATION, and FIRE STATION on one side of the street along with the PEMBROKE GAZETTE OFFICE, THE PALMIRA COUNTY HISTORICAL SOCIETY and the PEMBROKE LIBRARY on the other. Then they reached PEMBROKE REGIONAL HOSPITAL, a large sprawling medical campus. Matt noted the helicopter landing on the helipad near the ED in the background. "Well this is a really pretty little town to be lost in." Sarah suggested.

"True," Matt agreed. "Hmm signs for Pembroke College." Matt observed. Just before they reached the campus Matt saw an excellent turnaround opportunity in a nearby diner and took advantage of it. They retraced their steps and eventually Sarah pointed out LILAC DRIVE right as they reached LILAC PARK ELEMENTARY for the second time.

"I'm not sure how I missed that before," Sarah said. "Ok it's 1872 so it's, wow! this one right here." Sarah was a bit overwhelmed as Matt pulled into the driveway of 1872 Lilac Dr. Although Lilac Dr seemed to be one of the wealthier areas of Pembroke and large houses and sweeping lawns seemed to be the norm the Stewart's house still distinguished itself. However ostentatious wasn't the first word to come to mind as they parked by the stately colonial. Nervously Matt and Sarah got their bags out of the car and headed to the front porch.

Inside the house Matt was in the kitchen removing two cakes from the oven to celebrate Lucy and Jenny's birthday. Ironically on the same day. Cynthia had gone on a burn unit transport. Kristin had taken Kati and Danielle to their respective ski practice and Lucy, Derek, Ruthie, and Simon were all watching a movie in the rec room on the ground level. As they had the day before the Camden's had disappeared shortly after breakfast. Matt had tried to pin them down about their activities so he could plan when to have dinner as he presumed they wanted to celebrate Lucy's birthday. However, Eric had been frustrated with his simple questions and he had relented.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted his thoughts and he looked up at the clock. It was 1:30 he wasn't expecting anyone but he put the final cake on the cooling rack and went through the house to the front door. He opened the door to find a two young people probably in their early twenties he guessed. "Good afternoon, may I help you?" he inquired pleasantly.

"Yes, uhm I'm Matt Camden and this is my wife Sarah. I understand my family is here for the holidays."

"Of course. Come in. I'm Matthew Stewart, Derek's father. I believe your parents went out to do some sightseeing for the afternoon but Lucy, Simon, and Ruthie are here. Why don't you put your coats in this closet here?" Matt said directing them.

Matt and Sarah removed their coats and hung them in the hall closet. "Actually why don't I let you take your things up to your room and then I'll show you to our rec room where your siblings are watching a movie." Matt suggested leading them through the house to the west stairs and then up to another of the guest suites in the west wing.

Matt and Sarah set their bags on the bed impressed with their suite, it was nicer than some of the hotels they had stayed in. Then they followed Matt back down the west stairs and into the west hallway and then through the library and living room back into the front hall. They followed him further through a very formal parlor into the dining room and finally they ended up in a beautiful modern light and airy kitchen. "Your home is beautiful Mr. Stewart," Sarah commented.

"Thank you Sarah. Cynthia and I have both enjoyed making this really our home. The kitchen is one of our favorite rooms. We both enjoy cooking. Have you had lunch?"

"Yes we stopped along the way."

"Could I offer you something to drink then?" Matt offered.

"No thank you," Sarah said politely.

"Yes I'm fine," Matt agreed noticing the cakes cooling on the racks on one of the counters.

"Alright then let me take you to your siblings. This is a wonderful surprise for Lucy's birthday I'm sure." Matt said leading them down the stairs that led to the ground level. At the bottom of the stairs Matt led them into the rec room where Derek, Lucy, Simon, and Ruthie were all lying on the leather couches near the big screen tv watching a movie.

Matt and Sarah crossed the room and Matt started to sit down on the couch next to Simon. Simon moved a little to make room for his brother. "Hi Matt," he said absently not lifting his eyes from the screen. Then it registered what he had said. "Matt!"

Matt and Sarah were showered with hugs by Ruthie and Simon. Lucy hung back uncomfortably. Finally Matt and Sarah separated from Ruthie and Simon and came in their direction. Lucy plastered a smile on her face, "Matt and Sarah, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Derek. Derek this is my brother Matt and his wife Sarah."

Derek extended his hand to both Matt and Sarah and finally Lucy realized she needed to hug her brother. The hug felt stiff to Matt and she felt thinner than when he had said goodbye after their wedding he thought. He could feel all of her ribs. As he released her he noticed the cast on her left arm.

"Lucy what happened to your arm?" Matt asked as Simon and Ruthie slipped quietly upstairs.

Lucy hesitated, uncertain how to answer. She didn't want to be responsible for increasing the rift between her dad and her brother. She felt weird, kind of shaky and clammy and like she was going to be sick to her stomach. She also didn't want to lie and she knew Derek knew the truth.

"It was an accident," Lucy stammered.

"What happened?" Matt asked confused.

Lucy jumped up from the couch and ran into the bathroom off of the rec room where she vomited. Matt and Sarah exchanged concerned glances as Derek got up to check on her.

Lucy sat uncomfortably on the bathroom floor, leaning back against the wall. Derek noticed that her face was very pale and she was breathing quickly. He knelt down beside her and touched her cheek, "Luce?"

She didn't speak immediately. Finally she said, "I want to lie down, upstairs!"

Derek carried her past Sarah and Matt's worried eyes and then up two flights of stairs. As he tucked her into bed he hesitated, "Lucy I wish you could tell me what is hurting you."

Lucy looked at him, "I will I promise. I'll tell you tonight. I need to sleep now," she said shutting her eyes tightly.

Derek sat silently by her bed for a few minutes watching her at least feigned sleep. Then he rose and crept out of the room quietly. He walked slowly down the hall and finally descended the stairs into the kitchen. He realized he should probably go find Lucy's brother, he supposed he needed some kind of an explanation. But Derek was uncertain what to say to him so instead he lingered in the kitchen, exploring the refrigerator and finally pouring himself a glass of juice.

Meanwhile Matt and Sarah had managed to retrace their steps back up to the west stairs where their suite was. Matt had just presumed that all the bedrooms were together but as he wandered through the west wing he saw several empty he supposed guest rooms and one room that he thought might be his parents because he recognized Sam's Buzz Lightyear pajamas. "There are at least two other staircases, remember there was one in the front hall where we came in, and there were stairs in the kitchen." Sarah reminded him as they sat down on the window seat in the large bay window at the end of the hall that looked out into the snow covered backyard. They could see an elaborate swing set and then the path through the stone walls leading up into the garden.

"Wow, Sam and David would drool over that swing set. Although I guess it doesn't get much use in the winter," Matt observed.

"I wouldn't think so," Sarah agreed. "However there isn't any snow in the seats of the swings and I think you can make out some footprints maybe they did check it out," she added later.

"I wish I knew where he took my sister. I'm surprised dad left her alone in this house. That seems rather unlike him," Matt challenged.

"Well he left Simon and Ruthie too," Sarah said.

Matt had almost forgot about Simon and Ruthie in his concern for Lucy. "Of course Simon and Ruthie are here. Where are they?"

Matt was starting to get flustered and beginning to exhibit just a fraction of the Camden Irrationality Sarah had observed several times in her father in law. "Perhaps we should try the other staircases. Maybe they lead to separate wings of the house. This house is certainly large enough to have them," she suggested rubbing Matt's arm soothingly.

"Perhaps" Matt agreed allowing his wife to lead him back towards the west stairs. They were just rerouting through the library and living room into the front hall when the door opened. An athletic woman in her late forties with honey colored hair came through the door. She was dressed in scrubs and clogs and she wore a partly buttoned black wool coat over her ensemble. She looked tired.

In reality Cynthia was exhausted she had originally gotten up at four am to take Kati and Danielle to swim practice. She had swum her own usual morning workout and headed to the hospital to put in a few central lines and to round in the ICU and on her few pediatric inpatients. She had finally managed to escape the hospital around nine am. She had come home and enjoyed a late breakfast with her husband and daughters and then spent the few hours caring for their foster daughter Laurel who was still miserable with what Cynthia was less convinced was the flu.

Just as they were about to sit down to an early light lunch since Danielle and Kati had ski practice at one pm she received the call about the five year old in Muenster who had been caught in a burning home. Their burn unit transport team was being deployed and since it was a pediatric victim Cynthia needed to go with them. They had recommended that the ED physician intubate the child prior to their arrival but somehow he had felt uncomfortable doing that they arrived to a hypoxic five year old coughing up charcoal colored phlegm. The subsequent intubation had not been easy but Cynthia had succeeded and the child had survived the flight back to Pembroke. He had been settled in their burn unit on the oscillator with a reassuring second blood gas. She had managed to find an area of unburned skin to put in an arterial line and her friend Dr. Leo the plastic surgeon on call had taken over managing his burns.

Finally after two pm she had been able to head home again. All she really wanted to do was take a nice bath and perhaps even a nap before they tried to celebrate Jenny and Lucy's birthday. Instead she regarded the strangers that had just entered their front hall unaccompanied. Their home had always been the hub of their children's social circles and she was used to coming home and seeing unfamiliar faces but they were usually accompanied by one of her children. Since the two people standing in her hall appeared speechless she extended her hand, " Hello I'm Dr. Stewart Adam, Kristin, Derek, Danielle, and Kati's mother," she smiled a little at the last part although Kati often seemed to be five going on twenty she hoped she didn't really have friends who appeared old enough to be in college. Anyway Kati was still at ski practice with Kristin and Danielle.

"Matt, Matt Camden. I'm Lucy's brother. Do you know where she might be?"

Cynthia refrained from reminding him that she had just walked through the door. It was easier to try to find Lucy than restate the obvious. She led Matt and Sarah through the house, up the kitchen stairs and down the hall to Lucy's room. "Her room is here," she said knocking gently. When there was no response she opened the door a crack and noted a silent lump under the covers. She closed the door as gently. "Well she appears to be asleep so perhaps we should let her rest," Cynthia suggested.

However Matt noted that she waited for them to follow her before she started down the stairs. When they reached the kitchen she offered them food and drink which they again declined. "Well if there isn't anything else you need make yourselves at home. I've had a long day at the hospital and really need to just take a shower."

They waited until Cynthia had disappeared and then Matt headed back up the stairs. Sarah let him go. Lucy was his sister and so far nothing seemed to make a lot of sense.

Matt opened the door to Lucy's room and walked across the carpet to her bed. He sat down on the floor by her bed and watched her sleep for a moment. Her sleep seemed fitful and uncomfortable. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she looked at Matt in fear.

"Luce!" Matt said concernedly.

"Yeah"

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't feel good. I'm sick Matt I need to sleep," Lucy said. It was only partially a lie. She truly didn't feel well her stomach still felt queasy and she was in a cold sweat. She flinched a little as Matt laid a palm on her forehead and shivered under the covers.

"What hurts?" Matt finally asked.

"My stomach," Lucy said. In reality it was more discomfort and nausea than true pain.

"You don't seem to have a fever," Matt surmised.

Lucy shut her eyes tightly again in response to his comment. However, Matt was not easily deterred. "Come on Lucy talk to me. We used to be able to talk and I know something isn't right."

Lucy thought about what Matt had said. She remembered a time when she had trusted Matt and Mary with all of her secrets. She supposed that when she had stopped trusting Mary she had become more detached from Matt as well, perhaps that wasn't really fair to him. Perhaps it wasn't really fair to her.

"What happened to your arm?" Matt asked again.

Slowly Lucy told him about the events of Christmas Eve. The pieces began to fit together for Matt. Ruthie's tearful phone call. Lucy's discomfort on the phone the next day. Yet somehow there was still something that didn't make sense. But for the moment Matt was afraid to probe deeper. So he pulled the covers up for Lucy and stroked her hair until she fell back to sleep.

Coming Up in Chapter 37:

-Matt learns the other half of Lucy's secret from a most unlikely source

-Matt & Sarah fight

-Would Eric & Annie really skip Lucy's birthday celebration?