Tempest
Hammerhead Class Frigate (NC-114)
Captain's Ready Room, Deck A
T'Pol considered the data file currently available for review on the floating holographic window display.
The data file was empty. It contained no data.
"I don't understand." She said. "You indicated that this file contained all the accumulated cache memory copies of all conversations actively and passively recorded by the Sisco units aboard this ship."
"That's right." Trip nodded, from where he sat at his desk.
T'Pol, standing on the other side of the desk, considered the file again.
It remained empty.
"Was the data lost?"
"No." Trip said. "I deleted it."
T'Pol's curious eyebrow rose to attention.
"Why?" She asked. "It was a potentially valuable source of intelligence."
"It was about a hundred terabytes of private conversations recorded without anyone's knowledge or consent. Just like the ones of yours we went over in here the other day."
"The Sisco system update at your last mandatory management meeting." She guessed. "That was the update?"
"That and some new security measures and privacy controls so that sort of thing couldn't happen again."
T'Pol considered the empty file again.
"Why did you wish to show me this, Captain?"
"I wanted you to know those recordings we went over before…those were the only private conversations of yours that I or anyone else is aware of." He said. "And that all the others are gone. None of them exist anymore. Not even in official records."
He tapped the console on this desk and the golden window containing the empty file disappeared. Illustrating the manner in which the data had disappeared, she presumed.
To Trip's surprise, T'Pol responded to that with a moment of quiet reflection…before turning to walk away. Wandering over near the display table to examine things there.
"That is discouraging." She said, quietly.
Which surprised Trip still further, of course.
"Discouraging? Why?" He asked.
T'Pol looked back at him evenly.
"It was my intention to regain your trust, Captain." She said. "But it seems you insist on showing yourself to be honorable and worthy of trust, so that I find that we are almost competing in this. And I perceive that I only fall farther behind as time progresses."
Trip actually laughed lightly at that. And so now it was T'Pol's turn to be surprised.
"Why do you laugh?" She asked.
Trip grinned. "Because I do trust you, T'Pol. And not blindly. I just know you're a good person. So that much I do trust."
"How can you know that, Captain?"
"I have evidence." He said, smiling warmly.
"Evidence based on what?" She responded immediately. "Faith or logic?"
Shadows of her little game in the cargo bay, Trip recognized. So he responded appropriately.
"Both." He said.
"Then your evidence is sound." She said, prompting him to grin all the more. "But I remain curious about this evidence you claim."
Trip nodded.
"We'll get to that in a minute."
And so T'Pol suppressed frustration.
Because…that was suddenly frustrating. To be so close…and yet…
"What shall we discuss prior to that then?" She asked, intently. "So that we may progress to it quickly and cover the topic to your satisfaction."
"Okay, don't get testy."
"I am Vulcan. I do not get 'testy'. I am merely curious why I am here."
"And you're not 'handy' either." He said. "So I'm gonna rely on that as evidence that you won't throttle me if I frustrate you a little more."
T'Pol was tempted to glare.
"I have a question for you." He said. "And it's kind of a weird question. But you're Vulcan, so I figure you'll take it literally and answer it honestly."
"What is your question?"
"The question you're gonna answer honestly?"
"Yes." T'Pol said, glaring. "That question."
"What are your intentions for me?"
T'Pol…oddly found herself stunned by that.
It was bold question, of course. But more than that…it was one she wasn't entirely sure how to answer. Never mind answering honestly.
"Take your time." Trip said, softly.
So…she did. Turning away to contemplate the matter with some small measure of privacy.
It was a difficult question.
Difficult to answer for herself. And all the more so to answer honestly to him once she had her own answer.
"What you are asking is very difficult." She said, eventually.
"I kinda figured it would be." He said.
T'Pol was quiet for a moment longer. Because she needed to internalize that statement. It suggested his concern and understanding, which she required faith in at the moment.
"Throughout your life, who was your most cherished friend?" T'Pol asked. Over her shoulder, not yet turning to face him again.
Trip thought about it. But he didn't have to think for very long. Just enough to be sure the answer was honest and accurate, as that was no less than what he asked of her.
"Jon." He said.
T'Pol turned to face him then. "Captain Archer?"
He nodded.
"And there has never been another friend closer to your katra than him?"
Trip squinted a bit. "Lovers, maybe…but I get the feeling you're excluding that."
"I am." T'Pol affirmed.
"And family members." Trip guessed.
"Also excluded, yes."
"Okay. Then, no."
T'Pol nodded.
"Have you ever kissed him?"
Trip took a deep breath, through his nose. Adjusting to that question.
"On the mouth? Because I'm starting to get the picture here…"
"Yes. On the mouth."
"No. Can't say I recall ever doing that."
"Then you have no reference to understand what it means to be t'hy'la."
Trip let that statement stand for a moment. Then acknowledged it.
"No, I guess I don't."
T'Pol nodded.
"That was my intention for you."
Trip let that filter through his mind. And it was a slippery concept. An alien concept, in fact. So he had a lot of trouble getting hold of it.
But she said…
"Was." He noted, curiously. "You said it was your intention."
"Perhaps."
"Was or is?"
"That is unknown."
He couldn't help but grin at that. Shadows of the cargo bay again.
So, okay. That was her intention. And she wasn't sure suddenly if it still was. But her intentions for him, past or present…he sorta understood them now. As much as he was able.
"You know I'm Human." He pointed out. "Am I even capable of that, do you think?"
"I am uncertain." She admitted. "It seems possible, though it is admittedly contrary to your nature. Nevertheless, I found it logical to explore the possibility."
"Why?" He asked, brow furrowed. "Why me? You've got Tulok and T'Lea. They're at least Vulcan."
"Such things are not chosen, they simply are."
So…okay. Yeah, he could sorta see that, too…
But she hadn't answered, had she?
"So, why me?" He asked again.
T'Pol stared at him.
And she was closed tighter than a drum, he saw. Not a thing peeking through her defenses at all.
So they were clearly pushing her limits here.
"Another very difficult question." She said, evenly.
"I'll try to make up for it."
T'Pol nodded slightly. So apparently that had been the assurance she was looking for.
"I cannot say why Archer did not recognize me." She said, seemingly out of the blue. "Neither as the security agent who aided the Syrannites in recovering the Kir'shara with him, nor as the advisor initially assigned by Vulcan Intelligence to the Enterprise. I cannot say for certain why. But I suspect."
"What do you suspect?" Trip asked.
"I suspect that he did not recognize me because I am Vulcan. And because my hair style was subtly different."
He almost didn't get it.
But then he did. And he snorted a little.
"Yeah, we have an old saying. 'They all look the same to me'. It means when you meet people you aren't familiar with…a different type of people, like a race or species…it takes a little adjusting before you get familiar with all the subtle little…"
"Yes, I am familiar with the concept." T'Pol said. "And Archer has yet to fully adjust to Vulcans in this manner. Where as many Humans have, such as yourself. My suspicion is that this is because he does not wish to adjust. He is comfortable viewing my people as a species rather than a collection of individuals."
Trip frowned at that.
"I don't think anyone can rightly call Jon a bigot, T'Pol…"
"That is not my suggestion." She said. "Rather that he is prejudicial in regards to my people. As evidence of this, I would cite his referencing me as 'Vulcan' on more than one occasion. And Commander Hess continues to do the same. Both are indicative of a culture of prejudice aboard the Enterprise. And this prejudice exists not only there but across Humanity as a whole. Just as it does among my people, toward Humans. And likely every sentient species in the galaxy toward every other. And so you see that I use Captain Archer merely as a ready example."
"So everybody tends to be prejudiced." Trip shrugged. "I don't get your point."
"You have never named me 'Vulcan'." She said. "You have consistently referred to me as 'T'Pol', 'Commander' or 'Commander T'Pol'. And that is not to suggest you are devoid of prejudice or even bigotry. I could cite examples of both. Just as I could in myself. Rather that you simply prefer to recognize, make an effort to recognize and are comfortable recognizing individuals."
"Okay," Trip said. "I think I get what you're saying but you're close to losing me on the big picture…"
"That characteristic makes it possible for me to trust you with my katra." She said. "Because it indicates you are likely to view and accept it as individual and unique."
Oh.
So…okay.
"Yeah, okay. I get that." He said. "And I can see how that would be important."
"Yes, it is critical. There are many other factors that make you agreeable or even desirable as t'hy'la. But that point is critical. I must trust you, as you must trust me. You have said that you trust me, but can you trust me with this?"
Trip drew a deep breath…
"Well, that's a very difficult question." He grinned. Because it seemed it was his turn for that now.
"I acknowledge that." T'Pol said. "But if you will allow me to, I will verbalize why it is that you are tempted to trust me. It is because I am not in my time of mating and will not be for some years. And so you know that I will not attempt to seduce you if we are intimate."
Trip…blinked in surprise.
Because, what now?
"You think I'm afraid of that?" He asked.
"Perhaps not afraid. But it is a significant concern for you." She said. "I am aware enough of the particulars of your religious tenets to know that you are not allowed to engage in sexual intimacies…at least as Humans define them…beyond the confines of marriage. This is the reason you withdraw from Commander Hess, despite the obvious attraction you have for her. You are concerned she will seduce you, whereas you know that I will not."
Trip just stared.
"Wow." He said, eventually. "I don't even know where to start with that one."
"I suggest honest introspection, so that you can recognize this to be true. Then display trust in your t'hy'la by acknowledging it. You may take your time, of course…"
"Okay, first off…you're close." Trip said, seriously. "Yeah, I think that would be wrong and if it happened I'd feel real bad about it in the morning. But on the other hand, I'm a Human male. So if I thought that it was possible for me to seduce you…that's probably what we'd be doing on the couch right now. And I'd just have to feel bad about it in the morning."
T'Pol spared the couch an almost startled glance.
"T'Pol, I don't trust you because I'm not worried about you seducing me…heck, I wish you would…but like I said, I know you're a good person. That's why I trust you."
T'Pol didn't bother suppressing her frustration. At least no more than strictly necessary. As they were actively assessing the possibility of becoming t'hy'la it was appropriate to push certain envelopes in regards to personal behavior.
So she huffed slightly. And frowned a little.
"If that is the case, then you have yet to illustrate your evidence for the trust you claim to have in me."
"I know, T'Pol. I was just…"
"Perhaps it would beneficial for you to do so now," She continued, sharply. "So that I can understand that I have your trust."
"I'll…"
"Assuming that I even do." She added, glaring.
Trip waited, giving it a beat, so T'Pol could…calm down, for crying out loud.
"Okay." He said, softly.
Her eyes flickered a little dangerously. But she didn't huff again or snap at him, so…okay then.
"Alice, online."
T'Pol visibly twitched. And her jaw tensed.
Which he figured was understandable. That had heralded some rather uncomfortable moments for her recently.
"Hello, Trip. I am currently enjoying a wide variety of benefits from my current access to the ship's computer core. While primary systems were offline engaged with root language reformatting, I was still able to successfully route a video stream of 'Scanatics' to the console in sickbay for Commander Hess and Doctor Andrews with no difficulty. This represents a notable breakthrough in processing capability. Did you enjoy the movie yourself?"
"I did, Alice. Thanks. And I'm glad to hear your processing problems have been cut in half like that. You and Song are doing a great job."
"Thank you, Trip. How can I help you?"
"Access that report you issued back at Celestial Station for me. The security advisory."
"I have it, Trip."
T'Pol…tensed.
And her eyes widened nearly a tenth of a centimeter.
"Text review, please, Alice."
A golden window appeared in front of him, where he sat at the desk. He touched and dragged the window slightly to one side.
So T'Pol could still see him. And he could still see her.
He touched the text on the screen and flicked it up, sending the text scrolling wildly until he tapped it again. Then dragged it back down just a page or two.
Quickly finding the phrase he clearly knew was there and highlighting it.
"Translate that for me again, Alice."
"S'ti th'laktra. I grieve with thee. A proper, formalized acknowledgement appropriate to bereaved family members."
"Access the associated video file you attached to the security advisory, Alice. Bring it up on the window."
T'Pol could see the video display from where she was, when it appeared in the lower right corner of the window.
It showed her. Standing in the holochamber.
Watching Captain Tucker and the Xyrillian, Lynn, interact.
Trip reached to the video display…and T'Pol experienced a slight moment of panic that he might intend to play the video…
But he did not. He dragged the small bar at the bottom far to the right. Until he found the point where T'Pol stood grieving her invasion of his privacy. And he left it there.
"Alice, what would have been the most appropriate phrase in that situation?"
"Either 'Tushah nash-veh k'dular' or 'Tushah nash-veh k'odu'. Depending on whether Commander T'Pol intended to acknowledged either superior or inferior rank, status or measure of honor."
"Why would S'ti th'laktra not be appropriate?"
"You are not related to Commander T'Pol."
"Thank you, Alice. Offline."
He tapped the golden window…and it disappeared. And he sat back in his chair again, looking at her.
"So." He said. "First off…that's it. That's the last of your secrets that I know about. That one I figure isn't my fault, at least."
T'Pol was still for a while. And Trip didn't push things. He just waited patiently for…whatever was going to happen here.
"The others…" T'Pol said. "You are arguably not at fault for those either."
Trip noticed the not so subtle reservation there, but he was more than glad to take it.
"Thank you, T'Pol. Means a lot to hear you say that. I hated doing it and never want to do it again."
T'Pol just nodded slightly. Looking down at the desk, not at him.
"That's why I trust you, T'Pol. That's how I know you're a good person. At least, you try to be a good person. That's the best any of us can do."
"I don't understand…why this would cause you to trust me." T'Pol said, uncertainly.
"You did something wrong. And even though it wasn't a big deal…you had no idea what you'd stumbled across there…you were ashamed as if you had known. And you honored me in a way I didn't deserve trying to make up for it. Just like you're trying to make up for a few other things recently. That's more than enough for me."
T'Pol…was suddenly tired.
She was exceedingly fatigued. No doubt due to the emotional toll the last few days, and no least the last few moments, had taken on her.
Trip saw that and he came to stand with her.
"Take my hand." He said, offering it to her.
And she took it. So he led her to the couch, holding her hand until she was seated there. Then he sat down with her, with just enough distance as not to make her uncomfortable.
And they rested for a while, in silence.
Until it was time.
"Now I guess it's my turn to make up for it." He said.
And that surprised her a little, in as much as she was able to be surprised just then.
He began talking to her.
He talked of the shame he experienced and worked so diligently to hide. Shame that he'd been impregnated, despite believing still that he was largely blameless. Shame at the public spectacle it had made of him and…to her great surprise…shame at the sore temptation he'd suffered when offered the chance to be rid of Lynn. Even though that would have cost her life.
He talked of his distrust of Archer and how Hess perhaps had cast some doubt on that now. How he regretted much of what had come of that and how he desired now nothing more than to make peace with the man who'd at the least tried to be his friend.
He talked of James Keller, the physician who'd traveled many miles out of his way and devoted months of his life to treating him. To ensuring both he and Lynn survived the ordeal. And how that man had come to lead him to the spiritual reawakening he'd experience, fully embracing a religious upbringing that even his own family had never entirely embraced.
How that man had used Lynn herself to illustrate proof of God and insights into His character. And how that had not only been the impetus of claiming his Christian faith but also planting the seed of awareness that all sentient species were equally 'people'. A concept he would not fully grasp until long after, when he found himself involved with an evil that had suddenly become palpable in its madness and hatred.
His shame at how his courage had failed him and how he would not have had the strength to take a stand against that evil, having not only come face to face with it…but having become a part of it. Were it not for his religious faith coming into bloom in that environment…as well as the seed of awareness Doctor Keller had planted before…he would not have.
And he talked further, long into Gamma shift. Speaking now of his sister and her death in the attack on Earth…with he mere miles away himself. Able to see the blast strike the planet as it happened and knowing even then that his sister had been lost.
Oddly enough, giving thanks to the God he held himself beholden to for the wisdom that had strengthened him then. Falling not into the hatred that had nearly consumed him previously but understanding instead that the Xindi were merely people. That peace was possible, even if not through diplomacy and only at the cost of war.
He had not hated them even then, with his sister taken from him. Not as a people, as a whole. And he even thought it strange that no one else on the planet seemed able to truly understand what had occurred. To them all Xindi were evil, not only those few that actually may be.
He grieved his sister even still, though. And his daughter, who he freely called his daughter, not less than she.
And it was there that he wept at last, in saying the thing most difficult for him to say. That despite all of that, Ah'len was the only one yet he struggled to forgive. Even Archer he could not truly hold any bitterness toward. Distrust certainly, but even Archer he understood.
Ah'len he could not understand, nor could he forgive. And in that needing only the one thing he grieved he would never have of her. The mere recognition that she'd wronged him, however slightly, in that it came to impact his life so dramatically as it had.
That and his daughter, who lived still just beyond his reach. These two, of all the things that could have rent his heart even today…these were the things that caused him to weep.
Weep in the intimate presence of a Vulcan who was certain she was not at all equipped to respond appropriately.
And somehow did.
Reaching and taking his hand. Holding it gently, allowing the pain to ebb through her just as her peace descended on him. Until he'd wept enough and the pain was put away again. And he was able at last to rest from it for a time.
She sat with him, holding his hand. And she waited.
Waited until his humor returned and his eyes were clear. Until he looked at her and smiled…
…with just enough of a smirk attached to that, over the fact that she held his hand, that she knew he'd fully recovered.
Then she moved and sat in his lap.
Sat directly. Knees to either side, her posterior supported directly on his thighs. Looking slightly down at him from there.
Until he was forced to acknowledge that.
"T'Pol…you're sitting in my lap." He said. Clearly uncertain that she was aware of that fact.
"Yes, I am." She said.
And moved to undo the zipper of his duty shirt. Grasping the shirt and pulling slightly, until she communicated her intent to remove it. And he was forced somewhat to comply.
"T'Pol, you're taking my clothes off." He said, his voice somewhat muffled by the fact.
"Only the shirt." She corrected, once she'd completed that task.
"Is…that appropriate?"
"Yes."
She reached to carefully prod the still slightly bruised area of his chest, in order to test it.
He winced slightly.
"It is still tender." She noted.
"Uh…yeah, just a little. Why are you…?"
"I will help." She said.
She found the neural nodes easily enough. And she applied pressure precisely, tending to that with one hand.
It required only one.
With the other she reached to touch his hair, sparing her attention from that only long enough to look him softly in the eye. So that he would know he was in her care.
Running her fingers through his hair slowly, allowing herself to enjoy the intimacy of the act, even as she sped healing to the last few splotches of bruise on his chest with the other.
"T'Pol," Trip said, clearly very amused. "What are you doing?"
She looked him in the eye again. And she smiled, if only with her own eyes.
"I am being handy, t'hy'la."