Chibiyu: It was unanimous: the POV markings stay; thanks guys!
Nick: I have nothing to say right now.
Chibiyu: The world must be ending. And I am seriously speechless right now guys...the 11 reviews for last chapter just blew my mind. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this and to give me feedback and love. It means more to me than mere words can express. I love you guys. (Yes Dan, I got the chapter title ides from you :) )
DON'T OWN JONAS
Happy birthday jenizzleoffdachain
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No one makes my little brother cry.
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KEVIN'S POV
What…how…Billy h-he…he just shot at me! I stared at the wide open closet door as shock engulfed my senses. I could have d-died. Billy could have killed me. My eyes met the bullet hole which had made a perfect circel in the wall that now was surrounded by paint cracks and I felt my heart seize its rhythmic pounding. I was milliseconds away death. If Nick hadn't…oh god. Is this what Nick felt every time he heard that demon's voice or saw his figure towering over him? Was this the same blood freezing fear that he felt? Did he think 'oh my god…I am going to die?' like I did when I saw the chilling glint of a silver six-shot?
I felt something shivering violently besides me and I jumped out of my skin when I felt a finger brush away something wet on my cheek. I raised my hand but it was shaking so bad that I could barely catch the tears that I didn't know I was crying. A hand wrapped around my wrist and steadied it enough so I could wipe my face and look at the wetness in surprise.
"K-Kevin?" A terrified little voice called and I slowly turned my head and focused on the tear-stained, red eyed face of Nick. He let go of my wrist when I looked at him and I watched his shoulders slump in pure relief when he saw me unharmed. For a moment, he no longer looked like the strong seventeen year old I knew-he looked young, vulnerable, scared. "A-are y-you ok-kay?" He stuttered as he wrapped his arms around himself as though trying to keep warm, but I kne that was not the case.
I couldn't speak; my tongue was still paralyzed by the amount of shock flooding my veins. But I could nod and I did twice-all the while I held my younger brothers gaze, trying to ask him what my mouth couldn't say.
"I know B-Billy well enough to know that he h-had a g-gun." Nick whispered, trying to explain through his own torrent of emotions. "F-for a second a-all I could s-see was J-Johnny standing up to B-Bi…him like you were. I kn-knew he was going to t-try and k-kill you." My head bounced jerkily up in down in some semblance of a nod which effectively cut Nick off. But there was nothing more to say. He saw me as his best friend who died for him and he knew Billy all his life so the outcome of this…he knew it wouldn't have been pretty.
"Kevin? Nick?" We both looked up slowly as Joe crawled into the closet and we heard Mom scream, Dad swear and Dani console a terrified Frankie. So much was happening so quickly…was this what Nick lived through everyday when his real family was alive?
I blinked as Joe wormed his way between us; Nick quick to move away so he had room. But Joe wrapped his arms around both of our shoulders and sandwiched him in the middle. I think he was shaking but it was hard to tell as tremors still ran through my body as well. I let my head fall against the back wall of the empty closet with a small 'thud' and my short shaking breathing was all that was to be heard. I looked over and was surprised to see Joe staring at me with doe-like eyes. I've never seen such an amount of fear and concern in his dark orbs. I put my forehead to his and just looked at him, trying to send him the message that I was alright. I held this position until Joe's other arm reached back over and griped my shoulder and until his eyes calmed. We didn't need another panic attack on our hands.
Joe nodded and turned to look over at Nick and he was quick to loop his arm around our younger sibling again. But Nick didn't seem to feel to touch. His knees were drawn to his chest and he held them in a tight embrace. His chin was resting on his knees and he was staring blankly at a small, forgotten stain on the light carpet in front of him. We could see fear and thoughts racing behind the nothingness but they moved by too quickly to read.
We heard police shouting out and we heard dad tell the family that he was going to meet them and tell them what he had gathered from the scene. Mom slowly entered our line of sight and looked gravely down to the three of us. She walked in and gently took mine and Kevin's hand and stood us up. She held out a hand down to Nick as well but he stood on his own, not even looking at her with his glazed, tear stained eyes.
"Who did h-he sh-shoot at?" Mom asked as she looked between all three of us. The darkness in the room only seemed to make her pale skin and shining worried eyes more pronounced instead of hiding her features.
"Me." I whispered, the single word having mom nod but the tears spilled fast out of her eyes. "Nick knew and pushed me out of the way." Mom reached out and pulled me into a tight hug and I hastily hugged her back when I felt her tears land on my shirt. She let go of me with one arm and grabbed Nick, pulling him in too. Nick stumbled but caught himself before he slammed into me as he had been oblivious to this mother-son moment. Unlike me, Nick did not hug back-he still seemed to be trapped in his own little world.
Joe slipped out of the small room and I heard him comfort Dani and pick up Frankie. Mom released us both and patted us both clumsily on the cheeks before she led us out of the room. Nick stopped and he looked out the window for a moment, his eyes darkening as his thoughts finally reached the same conclusion.
"Nick?" He looked over and moved over to us. "You and Joe can move in across the hall." Mom told him and both brothers nodded. Nick walked over to the bed and picked up his sister's bear but he didn't hold onto it as protectively as I thought he would have. It just dangled in his loose grip, hitting his leg every time he took a step. And he didn't even care.
"I'll put Frankie to bed." Joe told us as he walked three doors down and disappearing behind the doorway. Nick walked around us and into the allotted room, telling us in his own way that he would have no part in the conversation about to take place. Joe walked out of Mom and Dad's room after he put Frankie down on the couch in that room and made sure he was comfortable and somewhat calm.
"He's freaking out." Joe whispered, gesturing with a nod of his head towards the room he just exited. Everyone nodded and Dani brushed passed Joe and entered he room he just vacated. "How did Billy know which room we were in?" My middle brother whispered, hugging himself in both warmth and comfort. Mom noticed the gesture and pulled him into a loose hug in which she rested her chin on his shoulder.
"I don't know. How did he get the note on the window?" I added to the list of questioned. "Especially when Nick said he was drunk; which he no doubt-ably was."
Joe looked over to the door that hid Nick. "How was his aim so perfect then?" He walked over to the semi-closed door and pushed it open. Nick was staring out the window that lay directly across from the door but it didn't look like he was watching the police swarming in Kevin's large yard below. It didn't look like he was watching anything really.
"Billy's had practice doing the seemingly impossible." Nick whispered in a cold and detached voice. "The less you question it the better off you are." I narrowed my eyes at his tone, not liking how venom seemed to fall from his lips with each syllable.
"We don't deserve that tone Nick." Mom evenly told him but her voice didn't was that intimidating when fear rode heavily on her face. "And thank you for saving Kevin."
Nick looked over to us, his eyes stopping on mine and I repressed a shiver from the sheer amount of sudden hate that erupted from them. "If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't need to be saved. None of you would." But Nick's irritation wasn't only aimed at himself. "If you hadn't pressed me to talk then all of this could have avoided. Then Billy wouldn't find the need to fucking shoot at Kevin!" Nick's voice increased steadily in volume and his tone seemed to grow colder and I expected to see mist coming from his mouth as the cold wards hit the warm air.
I stepped in the door and pushed Joe out of the way, approaching Nick slowly. "Nick this is no one's fault."
"Shows how blind you are." Nick snapped, turning to face us fully as I took another step. I sighed and reached over, my hand finding Nick's shoulder. He pushed it off, his eyes flashing in warning. "Don't touch me."
I looked back to Joe and Mom but both of them looked as lost as I was. Why was Nick acting this way? "Nick, what's wrong?" Nick scoffed at my question and crossed his arms, looking like he was trying to contain himself.
"If I have to answer that then you all are either more blind than I thought or just stupid."
"Nicholas!" Mom cut in and she pulled away from Joe and stood her full height. "You will not speak to us that way!" Nick rolled his eyes and looked at her, as though daring her to try and stop him.
"I can speak any fucking way I want too." Nick replied and Joe and I both stepped away from Nick in a mix of shock and confusion. Since when was Nick the one to blow up and let his anger control him? And why was he letting it control him? What were his motives?
"Listen here young man," Mom whispered with a voice full of authority. "In this house you do not speak like that; not to us or to anyone." Mom took a step towards Nick, finally leaving the door way. "We are trying to help you Nick; we don't deserve to be spoken to this way. I understand you're angry but-"
"Do you?" Nick suddenly interrupted. "Do you really understand me that well?" Mom blinked in surprise at his question but Nick wasn't done yet. "If you understand me then why are you asking me what's wrong? If you understand me then why did you want me to talk about my past when I so clearly didn't want to? If you understood me, you wouldn't even be looking at me." Nick hissed, his fingers curling into fists white rapidly paled with the strength he was using. "If you understood me, you wouldn't allow me in this fucked-up family. You wouldn't be even talking to me."
Mom blinked again, her mouth opening as she heard Nick's words and her brow furrowed in anger when she heard the obvious insult to our family. "Don't insult your family Nick."
"You're not my family." Nick plainly said and Joe stiffened next to me. "I don't like being here."
"That's a lie." Joe suddenly piped up and Nick glared at him.
"Is it Joseph? Or was I just telling you what you wanted to hear?" Joe paled and Nick smirked but I was the only one who saw that it didn't reach his eyes. In fact, nothing really seemed to be touching his eyes-nothing but a shred of anger and a miniscule amount of hate. "If you actually listened to me you wouldn't have believed me." He turned back to Mom who seemed ready for anything. "And you wouldn't be telling me what I can and can't do."
Maybe Mom hadn't been ready for everything.
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NICK'S POV
"You will listen to me!" She yelled, giving up on controlling her shrill voice. But she had no right to tell me what to do. None.
"And why should I?" I whispered back, not needing volume to make my voice intimidating.
"Because I am your mother!" And then something inside me snapped.
"MY MOTHER'S DEAD!" I roared, not seeing how she paled and held her heart. "And you could never take her place." I turned on the spot, fuming as I stormed out of the house. She had no right. She was not my mother. No one can take her place. No one will take her place.
I walked down the narrow stair case that led to the kitchen and moved passed the counters, only once hitting my hand on their dark granite edges. I threw open the regal white front door with was located in the large wooden foyer in the next room over. I melted into the shadows and became as silent as the night as I easily slid passed the police. Billy could do it and I can do it. To say we both did this once before would be a major understatement. With every failed house I was punted too I was never found by the police when 911 was finally alerted. I just snuck passed everything and showed up at the orphanage more beaten than I was when I left. To me, this was a routine thing. Only this time I wasn't going to my 'home' at Angel's and with the Sister. I don't know where I was going but anywhere was better than here. I didn't even care that Billy was near-by, probably passed out in a bush. Hell, I hoped he found me. Maybe then he would see what I was doing. Maybe then he would spare them.
When I was a block away, I turned and look at the grand house. It wasn't big enough to be called a mansion and it was by no means as regal or decorated as a castle but it was nice. The entry pathway was stone and illuminated by little ground lights that hid under the neatly trimmed branches of rose bushes. But that brown painted stone house was not home-not for me. I spun on my heel and continued walking away from it. I knew I wouldn't be chased; they would think the police would catch me and bring me back inside. By the time they realized I got away, I would be long gone.
Because leaving them was the only way to save them. Billy wouldn't touch them now-not when they didn't know the most incriminating evidence that would probably have both him and me in jail. They didn't know everything and their ignorance will spare them. Billy won't touch them with me gone. At least I knew him well enough to know that the Lucas's were safe now. But where can I go?
I stuffed my hands into the pockets in Kevin's old pajama bottoms ad I continued walking thankful that the night was warm. I heard someone call out to me a long ways back from the house and I sighed, breaking into a brisk run. The night was on my side though. Not a star was in the clouded sky and no street lamps were on at this god-forsaken hour. It was like the night wanted me to get away; like it wanted them to live.
My legs carried me passed the firehouse wreckage but I didn't look at it. I would only see my first home and I would only hear her screams. Fire killed everything; Billy knew that. He knew that even if my life was taken in a fire, it would still kill me. I allowed myself to slow after a few more minutes of hearing nothing behind me. They would be driving to the park or to the orphanage. Next they would come to the firehouse…but where wouldn't they go? My eyes lingered on the ash covering the grass and I took off again, a new destination in mind. I could go unnoticed there until morning and then I could flee.
I ducked into a hidden driveway that was long since covered by fallen tree branches and overgrowth. I followed the police car tracks up a path that I had long since memorized. I stepped over the rusted and decrepit bike and pushed open the scarred front door. I knew this place would be empty; Billy wasn't stupid enough to use it as a headquarters again now that the police were reminded of this house's existence. If my father's will hadn't said for this house to stand until it fell naturally, then a new apartment complex would have probably been built on this massive plot. Though memories still clung to every dust particle in this house, I was glad it stayed in this state of eternal rest.
I shook my head, clearing it of my thoughts as I looked into the dust entryway. To my right stood the door hiding my father's office; the one room I was never allowed in as a kid and the one room I never had wanted to go in.
'This door is sacred to me. If you go through it, I'll tan your hide.'
I moved passed it, not able to stop the flinch that always came from the bad feeling the room behind his door thrived in. I stood in the door-less entryway next to the once white stairs and I leaned against the flaking stained gray paint. The large window was broken and whistling as the winds breath blew through the tiny cracks. The wardrobe for coats still had the ash covered plat on top of it and I smiled small at the old hiding spot. I walked in the room and touched the burnt piece of wood before opening the single door. My mother's coat still hung there, protected from the ash but not the fire. The buttons on the brown faux coat were melted into the stiff fur but I still ran my fingers down it. There were many nights in which I would curl up against my mom and we would both cuddle into this coat. I shook my head and closed the door, hiding the memories from sight. Out of sight; out of mind.
I looked to the stone and blackened fireplace and then to the turned over and burnt to a crisp arm chair. The little table next to it was just a pile of ash. I knelt down by it and picked up a small piece of glass and tossed it away, hearing it shatter. A beer bottle fragment. The poison that changed this family.
'Drink the poison lightly…for there are deeper and darker things than you. I know 'cause I've been there too.'
I blinked at the lyrics and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from screaming at how stupid I was back then. I was naïve to think he changed-to think that people can change. All because of that damn song. I won't make that mistake again. I can't afford too.
I walked out of the room, ignoring the kitchen's open door-way to the left to me as I walked cautiously up the stairs. My fingers traced the walls, my eyes skimming over blackened frames of curled and burned pictures but I spared them no mind. I got to the second floor landing, not bothering to go up into the attic that served as a bedroom for my brother. I didn't want to see his face again; I didn't want to be reminded that he actually existed. I stared to my right and looked to my old door which still stood wide open. I didn't go down there. I just looked out the window that nearly claimed my life as I felt the still healing bruise on the small of my back. I looked to my left and my feet carried me to a room that I never thought I would have the courage or the insanity to enter.
My fingers traced then wooden carving of her name and I pressed my forehead to the cold door. I felt the breeze coming from each crack and I heard a bird chirp from the other side. My fingers grasped the cold and deformed doorknob and twisted it. The door swung open, filling the air with creaks and the sudden flapping of wings as whatever bird was in here took off in surprise. I wrapped my arms around my torso as I stared into the barren room in which the outside world has claimed.
I expected to be bombarded with sadness as soon as I saw the roof pieces littered her once clean floor and as soon as I saw the stain that would never wash away. The stain of her blood. I closed my eyes and took a breath, trying to find some emotion other than the hatred of myself in my heart but I found none.
"If only you could see me now Nata." I whispered to the room before I carefully walked in, stepping around the shattered glass and over the sharper roof shingles. I stopped by her flattened bed with was littered with bird droppings. There was really no sign that a little girl lived here anymore. Her essence was lost to the flame just as mine died with her. I looked to the far away wall and frowned when I saw that one sticker Nata had decorated her closet with was still colored. Its pink was faded and the wings curled in on itself, but the butterfly sticker was still there. I carefully walked over to her double door closet, avoiding the hole in her floor where the weight of the roof had been to great for the crumpling floor to support. I slowly opened the closet door for the first time since her death-as I didn't have the courage to enter this room when I was ten-and nearly smiled.
The inside of her closet was still pink and untouched by the ashes or fire. Her clothes looked a bit grimy but they were still, for the most part, alright. Some littered the small spaces floor and those that did had holes chewed in them but that was ok. Wait…is that…? I smiled as I pulled out a tiny play hat that was sticking out of a little dress pocket. I examined the little top hat and chuckled at the memory of Nata carrying around Mr. Teddy-Pants and begging mom to sew this hat on him. I wonder why mom never did.
I slowly sat down; holding the hat like it was a fine jewel. I left the bear at the Lucas house. I had dropped it on the bed when I walked into Joe and my new room. I held onto the hat as sorrow clutched onto my heart when I realized that I couldn't go back for it. And what about clothes? My diabetes? Money?
I shook my head-I thought about all this before. Sister Tess always had an extra diabetes kit in the orphanage and I know exactly where it is. She won't care if I take it; she probably won't even notice. As for clothes and money…I have a small stash of both at Rose's place and sad to say I've snuck in there too many times to count. But I never avoided her before so that will be the tricky part. After that…where do I go?
Where can I go?
"I thought you might be here." I jumped and the excess wood under me groaned in protest. I blinked, not believing what I saw but she just smiled and shook her head, letting her uncovered platinum blond hair fall into her kind face. "Don't look at me like that Nicholas; I would be a fool to not know where you would run after all these years." She carefully walked over to me and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "I brought someone who I think can help." She held out her hand to me and I stared at it, not wanting to move. "Come on Nicholas; let's get out of this room before the floor falls from under us." I sighed, feeling defeated as I took the Sister's hand and let her lead me out into the landing. I closed the door behind me, feeling that I was least likely to cave to them without memories staring me in the face.
"Nick! How did you know?" Joe questioned Sister Tess as he ran over to us and grabbed my shoulder. He didn't wait for her answer; instead he shook me hard and backed me up into the door. "Don't give me that look!" He ordered as I felt my eyes go wide with fear and I wondered what he was going to do to me. Whatever it was; I probably deserved it. But I had to break whatever bond I formed with them. It is the only way to save them. "You can't keep running Nick! And you can't treat us this way!" Joe disciplined but I looked down, still hearing his words but ignoring the confused fury in his eyes. "Mom is crying her eyes out in worry because of you! Kevin and Dad are talking to the police and yelling to them, to our protection about how they let you slip away! Frankie won't even talk to us because he is so scared! Do you know what you've done?"
I do know Joe. But it's for your own good. Please forgive me. I looked up to him, letting my anger spark again and I shut out everything but that anger and hate. I let myself again become the monster that I ran from even still today: I let myself become my father.
"Maybe I don't care what I've done." I sneered, looking right into Joe's eyes, praying that he wouldn't see through my lies. Sister Tess looked at me oddly, her eyes searching for the answer and when she shook her head I knew she found it.
Joe opened his mouth but the Sister's hand covered it. She pulled him off of me and stood in front of me, not touching me. "Nicholas, you and I both know that this isn't going to work like you hoped." Joe froze, him not understanding this at all. "He won't stop just because you did."
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Chibiyu: This chapter was about 10,000 and then I cut it apart. Haha. Happy birthday jenizzleoffdachain Until Next Update!