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Fifty Ways to Annoy the Soutaicho
Pipidae
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Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Nor do I own this idea. It was all Kirani56's idea, and I'll love her forever for letting me use it in Bleach. In fact, if you love Danny Phantom, you should go read 52 Ways to Annoy Vlad. It's fantastic. (:
A/N: I apologize, for perhaps the millionth time, for lateness. On the plus side, my birthday was on Monday! As in...a week ago...when I planned to double update as a present to my readers...see how well that turned out?
Dedicated to animekisses for the idea.
Anyway, because a good deal of you seem to be confused on the identities of some of the Secret Agents from last chapter, I hereby disclose this top-secret information unto you. Don't let Strawberry know; he'd kill me for telling you.
The Agents (In General Order of Appearance)
Squad Uno:
Double-O-Pineapple – Renji
Strawberry – Ichigo
Squeaky – Momo
Jiggles – Rangiku
Kitty – Yoruichi
Midget – Rukia
Feathers – Yumichika
Wrinkles – Yamamoto
Squad Dos:
Braids – Soi Fon
Smiley – Retsu (What, you thought it was Gin? Don't be ridiculous, Gin is in Hueco Mundo…how on earth would he get to Seireitei? A concert, you say? Pft…heh..heh…what…nonsense..heh…)
Noble – Byakuya
Fluffy – Sajin
Pinky – Shunsui
Frosty – Toushiro
Crazy – Kenpachi
Creepy – Mayuri
Sickly – Juushiro
Ugly – Ganju
You're welcome. Please take this gift and never become confused again. In fact, print this out, tape it to your ceiling, laptop, forehead, whatever…
34. Import VW Bug cars into Seireitei.
Ichigo sighed slightly upon reading the latest prank he and his partner-in-crime would pull. Where in Soul Society was he going to get a bunch of German cars? He chuckled lightly to himself upon the thought that they could bully Byakuya into buying a few…it wasn't like the proud captain actually supported his and Renji's shenanigans…
To the strawberry boy's great surprise, twenty multi-colored punch buggies appeared in the sixth division the next morning.
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Byakuya sighed slightly upon the latest idiocy of his vice-captain and the substitute shinigami. You'd think the second-best fighter in the entire sixth division and the boy who appeared near the top of his class every year would have figured this out by now…
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Yamamoto sighed slightly upon the discovery of Ichigo and Renji skipping along behind him, swinging their arms back and forth merrily. Both mouths were open in the biggest, stupidest, cheesiest smiles the old man had ever seen, and he had a rather hard time deciding exactly which one of them looked the most imbecilic. Yamamoto stared forward, deadpan. He would not look back at the two grinning morons.
Suddenly, ahead, the soutaicho heard a scream, a crash, and…honking? Then, a strangely-shaped purple human automobile came barreling around the corner of the street, driven by none other than young Hanatarou of the fourth division. The car ran headlong into a wall, and the flustered boy screamed "Sorry, sorry!" before backing out and careening off once more. The shock of seeing a decidedly mortal-world object in Seireitei that wasn't Kurosaki and his stupid friends was nothing compared to the shock of being slapped hard in the back of the head two seconds later.
"SLUG BUG PURPLE!" Ichigo screamed.
Yamamoto pivoted quite fast to berate Kurosaki, but both he and his accomplice had turned as well, and, holding the hands innocently behind their back, had begun whistling. Yamamoto winced. They were quite off-tune.
Instead of picking a probably useless battle, the soutaicho turned on his heel and marched off down the street. Less than a minute later, yet another, albeit much better handled, Beetle was driven down the street, this time by one Shuuhei Hisagi. The lieutenant's face was screwed up in concentration, but he appeared to be managing his vehicle much more carefully than Hanatarou.
"SLUG BUG WHITE!" came the simultaneous cry, and this time two hands slapped the back of Yamamoto's head.
"Oh," Renji said. "I'm not sure who won that round. You might have hit first, but we went so fast, I couldn't really tell…"
"Tie breaker?" Ichigo suggested.
Renji grinned. "One…two…three!"
"SLUG BUG WHITE!"
The force of the hit nearly knocked the old man over.
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Hour later, as Yamamoto slept in his infirmary bed, Ichigo looked up at Renji. "Well, it's still a tie…maybe one more go?"
They were soon shooed out by a rather angry Retsu.
After finishing writing this, I realized that not everyone plays the game this way, and perhaps some aren't even aware of this lovely tradition. Anyway, if you don't know, in the Slug Bug game, every time a VW Beetle passes you, you must scream out "Slug Bug (color)!" and then proceed to punch your friends. Good entertainment. Some people call it Slug Bug, some call it Punch Buggy or god knows what else...I don't think it really matters. I grew up in a dinky town called Rio Linda and we always played Slug Bug there. Do drop me a line if you call it anything else, though. (: