Chapter 38 - No Apologies

Tamaki steps forward, removing his mask and holding it out in an outstretched hand. "Dear Ladies," he intones with dramatic effect, "welcome once more into our world of fantasy and beauty. Today, we are here to entertain you with characters from the Victorian works of Brontë, Poe, Stoker, Stevenson and, of course, the French author Leroux." He bows with an arm across his torso.

The ladies applaud with excitement and the fog thins, but for a low level mist that rises to their knees. Haruhi rises and heads towards her table. Thank you, Kyoya. Even when you're not here for the club, you are. "And for you," she hears him saying in the back of her mind. "Never forget that."

Momoka and Kimiko have bright eyes and smiles for Haruhi as she approaches the round table adorned with its usual red rose bouquet, accented today with black feathers and strings of pearls winding through the blossoms. Get it together, Haruhi. The show must go on.

"Hello, Haruhi," Momoka says. "You look terrific in that outfit. Who are you supposed to be?"

Haruhi slips the glittery scepter from her belt, waves it about a few times, then places it on the table before sitting down. "Fortunato, from the Cask of the Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe."

"We thought so," says Kimiko, with hearts for eyes. "Poe is sooo melodramatic, don't you think? And poor Fortunato ended up in such a bad way."

"Wasn't that the story where he gets encased in a wall?" Momoka is already is little scared.

"That's the one," Haruhi affirms.

"But weren't the characters friends?" queries Kimiko, trying to sound erudite.

"I don't think a friend would do what Montresor did," Haruhi counters gently. Though, on occasion...

"It's monstrous," Momoka insists. "Poor Fortunato. You need someone to keep that meanie away, don't you?" she adds, leaning in and giving Haruhi a warm look.

"We'll protect you!" cries Kimiko, as both girls are framed by floating hearts.

"Thanks, ladies," she says with genuine appreciation. "That's really nice of you, but I'm the one who should be protecting you. It's a gentleman's duty to look out for rogues and dishonorable suitors."

"You're so chivalrous, Haruhi," Momoka gushes and Kimiko nods in agreement.

"Just like Kazukiyo," Haruhi presses. "He's a really good guy."

Momoka's brow furrows. "Kazukiyo? What's he got to do with anything?"

"Momoka," chides Kimiko. "You know he likes you."

"Then why doesn't he ask me out?"

Haruhi interjects, "Because he doesn't want to ruin your friendship."

"Really?" The brunette seems surprised.

"I bet if you invited him to escort you somewhere, he'd say yes and then you could see how it goes."

"Haruhi is right," Kimiko agrees. "It's time to stop playing at love and just love someone. You can still visit Haruhi, right?" she says, turning towards the costumed host.

"Sure," Haruhi attests. "Lots of girls have boyfriends and still visit Host Club. It's entertainment, after all. Nothing serious. In fact, I bet that if I were a girl, we could still have a great time together." Maybe?

Both girls seem a little confused by that, but nod thoughtfully since it's Haruhi who's said it. "But," Kimiko murmurs, "then it wouldn't be just a Host Club anymore, would it?"

Haruhi dodges the question with, "How about some tea, ladies?"

Their time together passes and another guest arrives at the table. It's Chiyo, one of her older regulars. "I believe it's my turn now, Haru-kun," she says sweetly.

"Of course," the host replies, then turns to "his" current guests. "Well then, it's been nice chatting with you ladies today."

"We'll see you in class tomorrow, Haruhi," Kimiko says, boasting just a little in front of the older girl, who smiles politely but says nothing as she sits down.

The rest of the hour passes and Tamaki closes the session. Haruhi changes back into trousers and shirt sans tie, rolls up her sleeves and dons her clean-up apron. She is still their errand boy, according to them. Kyoya better reveal that my debt is fully paid and soon. I'm tired of being the maid around here. Then she smiles to herself, recalling the reason she is the maid. You're a sly dog, Ootori, but I find I rather like it. Who'd have thought?

She's at the sink when the twins enter the prep room, fencing with their canes. They're all over the place and, eventually end up near Haruhi. Kaoru bumps into her.

"Hey, watch it!" she says and they pause in their merriment.

"Sorr-rry!" Kaoru calls over his shoulder as they press forward. "En garde, you scoundrel," he shouts at Hikaru and they're at it again.

Haruhi turns and watches them. She can't help but smile at their antics and feel the tug of affection she has for them. They're my brothers. She likes the way it feels to have siblings, even if it is only make-believe.

Hikaru takes the horizontal handle of his cane and nimbly pushes at the brim of Kaoru's hat until it's knocked off his head and onto the floor. "Touché," he shouts.

"Hikaru," Kaoru complains. "The face."

"Sor-ry," Hikaru answers before retrieving the hat and heading to where Haruhi stands, her back pressed up against the counter. He leans his cane against the cabinet and sets the hat upon Haruhi's head with two hands. It's a bit large, so he holds it in place. "Haruhi," he says softly and waits until she looks at him.

"Yeah?"

"I have to add my apology to Kao's about last night. We were out of line," comes the surprising words with sincerity behind them.

"Thanks," Haruhi says, "but I'm over it."

One hand removes the hat while the other drops to her shoulder. "I mean, I could be jealous, but what would be the point? Besides, I'm not very good at sharing, so props to you for being so open-minded."

"Open-minded about what?" Kaoru asks as he joins them.

"Our two kings and our secret princess," Hikaru replies looking at his twin.

"Now that you mention it," Karou says his gaze moving to Haruhi. "I was a little worried, especially after Hika sent that text this morning." Hika's text?

"Guess Renge's had more of an influence on you than any of us thought," Hikaru comments.

Renge? What are they talking about?

"Yeah," continues Kaoru. "I can totally see the Queen of Moe in a three-way. She even declared that she wouldn't mind, but you?"

"A three-way," Haruhi muses, trying to make sense of their quips, her active mind piecing together bits of information.

"So, who do you think Kyoya-senpai thinks is cuter?" teases Hikaru.

Kaoru shakes his head at his brother, "Don't mind him. He's being especially snarky today." The brunette has been quiet throughout their lightweight exchange which is anything but lightweight to her. Finally, they notice her silence.

"What's the matter?" Kaoru asks.

"You look confused," says Hikaru.

Haruhi squares her shoulders and looks at each of them, saying in a steady voice, "Not confused. Just foolish, so I guess I wore the right costume today." And with that, she yanks off her apron, not caring where it lands, and walks briskly to the wardrobe where she dons her coat - the one the twins gave her. The scent of the perfume she wore last night still lingers in the fur and the memories of being with Kyoya still cling to her heart. Tears threaten. But I'll be damned if I ever, ever cry over a guy. There are more serious things than that to cry over. But as she strides to the open doorway with bookbag in hand, even the unflappable Fujioka Haruhi finds herself battling for composure.

Tamaki passes her at the entry and pauses. "Haruhi?" he says with concern. "What's wrong? Aren't we going to have our chat?"

But she doesn't answer, rushing by him with determination.

oOoOo

"Haruhi? Haruhi!" Tamaki calls. What's wrong with my little girl?

"Everyone, just leave me alone!" she calls without turning, leaving the present members of the Host Club stunned, not by her words, but by the way she says them. She hasn't sounded this angry since the day of the twins' mock fight.

Tamaki is torn, pacing back and forth like a madman in the prep room mumbling to himself while four pair of eyes track his movement to the… Right. "Do I go after her or not? I don't want to make her upset with me again, not so soon after yesterday." Left. "But she seemed fine earlier. Maybe she's worried about Kyoya. I know I was, too, this morning." Right. "But he clearly let her know what his plans were today, so she must know he's okay. I'm not, but he is, or so it appears." Left. "I really did want to talk with you, Haruhi, and now those shady twins have spoiled it."

He stops mid-pace and points at Kaoru and Hikaru who are standing by the sink, Haruhi's apron in Kaoru's hand. "What did you evil doppelgängers do?" he demands.

"We didn't do anything, senpai," Hikaru defends.

"She just snapped or something," adds Kaoru. "It's been a strange day."

Honey and Mori enter the room. Honey looks irked and Mori is quieter than quiet. They both stare at the twins.

"What did you guys say to upset Haruhi?" Honey asks in the low menacing voice none of them have heard since Usa-chan had tea spilled on him and the bunny-loving martial-artist was determined to find out who was responsible.

The twins clutch one another in terror. Kaoru gives a little scream as Honey moves closer. "Please, senpai. Don't hurt us. We didn't mean to say anything wrong."

"We apologized for last night and everything," Hikaru says. "We thought she was fine."

Honey stops in his tracks. "What about last night?"

Mori places a hand on Honey's shoulder. "Mitsukuni, wait. Let's hear what they have to say." He lolls his head from one shoulder to the other, loosening the muscles in his neck before adding, "If we don't like it, then we'll take care of it." Honey looks up at his cousin and gives a nod.

The twins drop to the floor and crawl under the work table, whimpering. "We don't want to die. Help us, Tamaki-senpai. Pleeease!" It's hard to tell who is saying what because their panicked voices are muffled, huddled as they are into one another.

Tamaki holds a hand to his head, as if he has a headache. "Fine, fine!" he says in an exasperated voice. "Everyone please change, then take a seat. Mori-senpai, see if you can get Kyoya on the phone. Honey-senpai, you do the same for Haruhi. We're getting to the bottom of this."

For all his flightiness, Tamaki knows when the club's integrity is threatened. Hosts at odds doesn't benefit the club, its members or its guests. Friends at odds is worse. He sighs with a noise at the back of his throat. Changing goes quickly and when they reconvene, flared tempers are a bit assuaged and outrageous worries have calmed to minor hysteria. Mostly Tamaki's, on both counts.

Honey and Mori sit at one side of the oblong table, texting away. The twins sit adjacent on the opposite side. Hikaru looks worried. Kaoru looks upset.

Tamaki flops into the same seat as that morning, when he and Kyoya had their talk. Their talk, in fact, has been on his mind all day and especially this afternoon, when running the club without his vice-president's help just didn't feel right. He turns to the 3rd-years and asks, "Any luck?"

"Kyoya-kun isn't responding," Mori informs.

"Neither is Haru-chan," Honey confirms.

"Well then, we'll just have to sort this through ourselves," Tamaki says, the thought of a new project perking him up a little. He turns to tell Kyoya something, then remembers. He isn't here. Nothing is the same without Mommy to help make sense of things and now Haruhi is upset about something just when we were going to have some bonding time. So…

"What happened?" he asks aloud as evenly as he can. He's in control of himself, working the room, his desire for family unity overriding all else. Honey and Mori look up from their devices at the younger duo and wait. The twins, in the meanwhile, squirm under their elders' scrutiny. Finally, Kaoru turns to Hikaru and says, "Hika, maybe we should just come clean about this morning."

"Not with Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai here," comes his brother's irritable reply.

"Hey," Honey complains. Mori's features remain static.

Tamaki tilts his head and queries, "What about this morning?"

"Well… it's sort of… personal," Kaoru says slowly.

Tamaki's palm hits the table. "We are a family" their blond leader stipulates in a firm voice, "and secrets are not to be kept from family."

"But you've been keeping a secret, haven't you?" Hikaru mutters just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Kyoya-senpai, too," Kaoru tags on, a bit louder to support his twin's accusation.

Four sets of eyes are now focused on the Princely Host, who is suddenly blushing furiously behind a splayed hand. Honey's eyes widen and when he looks at Mori, he finds the tall host looking back at him with an arched brow, then back at Tamaki with compassion. Honey's mouth drops open, thinking of their school-bound conversation just that morning. Tamaki, meanwhile, avoids making eye contact with any of them.

They know! But how? Is it obvious? Did Kyoya say something and not tell me? Tamaki is emotional and oftentimes clueless, but far from stupid. His mind dismisses everything but the twins' words, his discovery of the Hitachiin garment bags upon entering the salon this afternoon and his gut filling in the blanks. Is that why Haruhi is upset? Merde. He feels numb, overheated, sick to his stomach, angry and terrified all at the same time. It isn't until he hears Honey calling his name over and over that he realizes he's been zoned out for… how long has it been? Feels like days.

"Tama-chan, are you alright?" Honey asks, brown eyes filled with concern but at an odd angle.

"Honey-senpai? What day is it?" Tamaki turns his head and realizes he's lying on his side, on the floor.

"Still Monday," comes the reply from Mori, who helps him up and over to a sofa before sitting beside him with Honey on Tamaki's other side. The twins are sitting in the chairs opposite. They're no longer at table but in a seating area.

"How did we end up here?" Tamaki asks.

"You fainted," says Mori, "right after the twins mentioned you keeping a secret. Is there something you want to tell us?"

He looks at the twins and says in a resigned voice. "You were here this morning, weren't you?" Two heads nod in sync. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," Kaoru states.

Hikaru says, "We didn't plan on eavesdropping, but you weren't exactly quiet either."

Tamaki gives one slow blink. "Does Kyoya know about this?"

"No," comes the joint answer.

"Does Ha-ru-hi?" he asks a bit more slowly.

"Maybe," they admit.

"What the heck does that mean?" Tamaki yells while sitting forward. Mori and Honey both grab his arms and keep him seated until the blond's body settles again.

Kaoru looks at Hikaru who looks back at him, unspoken communication passing between them. Finally, Kaoru turns back and says, "Hikaru thought he was being funny and sent a text to Haruhi this morning-"

The older Hitachiin interrupts to say, "All I said was, 'Who do you think Kyoya-senpai thinks is cuter? You or the Boss?' It was a joke..." he insists with an open palm held out in supplication.

Kaoru sees the looks of disbelief on the faces of their comrades and immediately adds "…that I tried to intercept by bumping into her and ended up killing her phone. Then, at lunch, it seemed like she read it and was all cool with it, so we figured she knew about you guys."

Hikaru picks up the thread. "But then, after club, we mentioned it being surprising that she was okay with a three-way relationship and she stormed off, all upset."

Tamaki grows still, his shoulders dropping in defeat. Upset. My darling Haruhi is upset because of what I did. My best friend Kyoya is upset because of what I did. The twins are upset because of what I did. Everyone, everyone is upset because of me. I could have let it go. I could have. I probably should have. But I didn't because… "I'm an idiot," Tamaki says to himself, though he says it aloud.

"Tama-chan," the loli-shota says in a mature voice, "I know it isn't anyone's business but yours, but if you really believe that we're a family, it's okay if you want to share something with us."

"I don't know all the details, but Mitsukuni is right," Mori appends. "We're in this club because we enjoy spending time together. You say we're a family so let's be one. We stand together or we fall together. That's how a close family operates."

All the while, Tamaki's thoughts are a jumble. Backed into a corner, just like when Kasanoda forced him to admit he wasn't Haruhi's real father, the silver-tongued Host King struggles to find words. It's okay. I'm safe here.

He looks at the young men he's come to consider friends. I've never really told anyone but Kyoya much about my personal life, but these are my friends, my family in Japan; either they accept me - all of me - or they reject me. He takes in a deep breath and releases it in a hitched sigh.

Staring at the blossoms on the table before him, Tamaki focuses himself. "When I was little," he begins as softly as any of them has ever heard him, "I used to get picked on in school because I took ballet class. Maman was a dancer, so it felt completely natural for me to dance, too. I had a few friends at school but I wasn't very interested in the games the boys would play and because maman was ill, I liked to go right home after classes and practice piano. Of course, all the girls loved me because I was beautiful, even then, and I liked the attention. Guess it's my destiny to make every girl happy, huh?"

He gives a hostly smile and looks around to see only quiet attention being paid. Dropping his eyes, his smile fades and he stares at his hands clasped in his lap. They're really listening. So…

"Things were fine until I turned 11 and a new boy came to our school. For some reason, he decided that he didn't like me. I thought I could win him over if I was just nice to him but no, that didn't work. One day he cornered me in the playground with one of his buddies and they roughed me up. The nuns stopped them before it got really ugly, but my clothes were ruined, my hair had been cut off in chunks and I had a bloody lip. I got sent home and when maman saw me, she burst into tears and so did I. Then she hugged me and said she loved me just as I was and always would, no matter what I said or did." He pauses and gathers his courage before saying, "That's how I know she'll be okay when I tell her that- I'm- gay."

For several seconds, no one moves nor utters a sound. That's it. I've told them. Tamaki feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders even as anxiety kicks in over their possible reactions. He can't look up and for a moment wonders, have I made a mistake?

Then he hears Honey say, "We're okay with it, too, Tama-chan."

"And we accept you just as you are, Boss," Hikaru states.

"And always will," Kaoru adds.

"Tamaki," Mori says to get the blond to look up. When he does, he sees worried eyes. "I don't know what's between you and Kyoya-kun and it doesn't matter, but it seems you have some decisions to make about your friendship with him and how Haru-chan fits into things."

"I know," Tamaki says heatedly. "And there's nothing between Kyoya and me except a friendship that I may have destroyed by acting without thinking." His emotions downshift and he's once more despondent. "That's why I'm an idiot and now Haruhi thinks that-" He stops short and groans as he turns back and drops his head into his hands, elbows resting on his thighs.

"No," Hikaru asserts and all but Tamaki look at him. "I'm the idiot for butting my nose in where it didn't belong and- I'm sorry, Tamaki-senpai."

"Hikaru," Kaoru says with a trace of awe in his voice as his twin becomes vehement.

"It's true, Kao. You were right this morning when you said we shouldn't jump to conclusions. And now Haruhi, who was altogether happy yesterday being with Kyoya-senpai, is upset. I can't stand seeing her like this! Or the Boss. I know we kid around a lot, but this is different." Kaoru is staring at his brother in surprise, unaccustomed to having Hikaru speak up on anyone else's behalf other than theirs.

"Wait a minute," Tamaki says, lifting his head and sitting up, composure regained. "I'm the one who should apologize. Not for who I am because I will never apologize for that, but for what I've done to involve all of you in my mess."

Honey stands up and faces Tamaki and, suddenly, the small boy seems ten feet tall. "No apology necessary," he reassures. "You're the one who told each of us that we could be exactly who we wanted to be, Tama-chan, and we're saying the same to you. We wouldn't be here otherwise. I'm just glad you trust us." He looks at his clubmates. "So what do you think we should do?"

The four hosts think over their options, but without Kyoya's pragmatism and Tamaki's enthusiasm, they're adrift without rudder and sail. Mori ultimately suggests, "Maybe we should sleep on it and see how things are tomorrow. There's been enough drama today." He stares at Hikaru who nods, then Kaoru who does the same. "Mitsukuni? I'd like to talk to Tamaki for awhile. Can you get a ride home?"

Honey looks into Mori's eyes for a long moment, understanding passing between them, then says with a familiar smile, "Sure, Takashi. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Right."

The small host is followed by the twins as they gather their belongings. Tamaki is still sitting quietly as they say their good nights and leave the salon. Mori remains seated beside the blond just sharing space with him in silence. He watches for awhile and then, in the softest of voices, says, "You love him, don't you?"

End - Chapter 38 - No Apologies

No Apologies by Trapt [Tamaki-centric]

Holding your breath, holding your tongue.
You're only holding yourself back.
So much to say, so far to run
Out from the shadows you have cast.

CHORUS
The best days of your life have yet to come.
It's okay, it's alright to open up.
You don't owe anybody anything.
Life is yours to live anyway you please -
No apologies.
No promise left for you to keep.
You can be whoever you want to be -
No apologies.

Closing the door, closing your eyes.
You're only closing yourself off.
So much to see, so much to try.
Don't be afraid of what you want.

CHORUS

Don't want to be no one else.
What you see is what you get.
No one to please.
No apologies, no apologies.

You don't owe anybody anything.
Life is yours to live anyway you please.
No apologies.
No promise left for you to keep.
You can be whoever you want to be.
No apologies.