Ryan wakes up suddenly alert and looking at his surroundings. He looks at the clock on the wall, it's already nearly 2200 pm, almost four hours after he left Annie's room, he didn't mean to sleep for that long. He leaves the waiting room quickly. The hallways are quiet and lights dimmed just like on an airplane for nighttime flights. His shoulder is starting to throb again, he pops his own painkillers and makes his way to see Annie, hoping she's in a better place after some rest.
The guard outside Annie's room has dozed off, so much for guarding Annie thinks Ryan to himself, but it is to his advantage that the man is asleep. He eases the door open into Annie's room. She's sleeping, or so it appears. When he opens the door and approaches the bed, she startles, the sudden reflexive movement caused Annie pain in her shoulder. He sees her touch her left hand to her right shoulder taking a deep breath.
"Sorry, didn't mean to surprise you. I thought you'd be asleep." He looks down apologetic and hesitant sensing that he really scared her. He still hasn't broached the subject of her time in Kravec's grips, he knew it would take her a longer time to get over the emotional losses than the physical injuries he could see. Ryan refused to make her relive her trauma by asking questions though he was sure Joan and the CIA would as soon as she was well enough.
McQuaid Securities had a few psychotherapists and psychiatrists on the payroll to help with issues that inevitably crop up doing the sort of work they do. It will be challenging to return to normal after an ordeal like the one Annie went through, he'd seen strong men return haunted from just one gunfight, but Annie had shown him just how tough she was, she had an inner strength and resolve that matched his and he knew she would be okay with support, but first he had to get her discharged and his mission was to get her to eat.
Ryan looks around and sees that Annie's food is still there. It looks untouched.
"Worked up an appetite yet?" joked Ryan. He wasn't sure how Annie would handle a feeding tube, he wanted her to put some food into her body because of what he overheard at the nurse's station a couple of hours ago.
"I thought you left."
"Nope, I'm not leaving you Walker. How about some ice cream? I can scrounge us up some."
He knew she loved her ice cream and he never saw her refuse any, even when she had those few bad bouts of nausea right after her heart surgery.
"No thanks, go home, get sleep you look like you need it, please."
"I'm the picture of health compared to you, I'll be fine."
Annie wasn't sure what else she could do to get Ryan to leave, she knew Joan arranged for him to be at the DPD all morning the next day, but she needed to orchestrate some events so that what she planned to do tomorrow would be believable to Ryan and others. She also wanted him to leave because the longer he was there, being his charming and optimistic self, the harder it was for Annie. It was difficult for her to look the man she loved in the eye when she planned on disappearing for good, but she knew he was strong enough to get over it.
"Ryan, all good things come to an end, that's what I've learned. Let's be done, I just want to be alone," says Annie more firmly causing Ryan to feel hurt and mildly annoyed that she keeps insisting on pushing him away. He chooses to ignore her, sure that yelling at her wouldn't go over well. He wanted to say that going back to her lone wolf ways wasn't the answer, that one tragedy doesn't mean more will follow, but instead he takes a deep breath and says,
"Tell you what, I'll go if you eat something first?"
Annie thinks about her next move. She has to make a scene to get him to go.
"Why can't you do what I ask? Ryan, go already!" cries Annie. "I'm just trying to help."
"I'm beyond help Ryan, I don't know what the point is anymore," says Annie full of despair.
"You can usually eat as much as any guy I know, I've seen it, come on," says Ryan holding out a spoonful of applesauce. Despite all her injuries, Annie pushes through the pain and knocks the entire tray of food off the table, then sobs, "Just go, please just leave me alone," sobs Annie. Nurses rush in at the commotion.
"Sir, we need you to leave. She's very agitated and we have orders to sedate her if she does this again."
"What? She's done this already?"
Ryan looks to Annie who is crying.
"Yes, I'm afraid so, around 8 PM, when we tried to get her to eat."
"Why didn't anyone get me? I was just in the waiting room."
No one answers Ryan.
The nurse pushes a syringe into Annie's IV.
Ryan goes to Annie who is weeping quietly. "Sh, Sh, I'm sorry I pushed, it's okay, I know you wanted to have that baby, I understand why you are so cut up, just let me know when you want to and I'll get you anything you want.
The nurse says, "We'll take good care of her sir. You really do look like you need some rest too."
She ushers Ryan out of the room.
"I heard the doctors say something about a feeding tube and a psych consult."
"I'm afraid I can't divulge any patient information, but I assure you we will do everything we can to help Miss Walker. Don't worry, she'll still be here tomorrow. She won't be discharged for another couple of days."
Very reluctantly Ryan leaves the hospital and takes a cab home. He thought maybe some space was what Annie needed. Things always looked brighter in the morning and after a good night's rest. He also acknowledged that he'd better rest up for his morning at Langley too. As he drove home an idea came to him. He knew just what may cheer Annie up and give her a reason to take care of herself. It was late, so he fired off an email to the German Shepard he and Annie chose. They had picked a puppy out together a couple of weeks ago, it was a bit early for the puppy to be picked up, the breeder suggested 10 weeks and it was only 8 weeks old, but Ryan hoped he could convince the breeder to let him bring their puppy home.
When Ryan gets home, he realizes it had been a while since he had been home. He spent time with Annie at his beach house before she was taken by Kravec and he hadn't been back home since. Although he lived alone for a number of years, the house never felt empty to him before, in a short time he had gotten used to having Annie's company. The house felt so empty without her presence. Ryan goes directly to the Master Bedroom, kicks his shoes off in the closet without bothering to put them on the rack. He has a hard time taking his clothes off with his injuries and it takes him longer than usual, but he manages. He brushes his teeth, washes his face, and settles into bed after setting his alarm for 0530. He falls sleep clutching the pillow that was filled with the scent of Annie's shampoo.
Annie wakes up to a nurse taking her vitals. At first she thinks she's waking up from the heart surgery she had, it's a familiar setting, another hospital room. She seemed to frequent hospitals the last few months. She would be happy to never see the inside of a hospital again. Suddenly, grief and guilt overwhelm her when she realizes this is a different time. The heart surgery was over a month ago, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Annie catches sight of Auggie. He somehow hoodwinked a cute nurse into letting him sit by Annie's bed before visiting hours even began. With the pain of her fractured jaw bothering her, she has a difficult time opening her mouth to speak when she first sees him. It was normal after many hours of not talking.
The nurse says, "I need to check on your wounds and change your bandages, would you mind leaving for about five minutes sir?"
"Uh, sure," Auggie says as he gets up, straightening his cane.
Annie says groggily, "It's okay, he can stay."
He hears her masking pain in her hoarse voice , "Annie?" he says softly, "I can go, it's no big deal."
"It's okay." Annie figured she wasn't going to see her friend Auggie again and she found a strange comfort from his presence. It seemed fitting that her first friend at the CIA would be the last person she saw from the agency before she left.
Annie had to leave Ryan, all her belongings, the city that had become her home, her job, and the only true friend she had the last few years too. It was difficult to maintain her cover with her college and grad school friends, so she stopped joining them at events and gatherings, losing touch with many since Annie had no social media presence per the CIA's protocols. The more she stayed away the less she was invited to events.
While she met many interesting people during her travels and fellowships post graduate school, the promises to look them up if she were ever to find herself in their home countries never materialized. Perhaps it was a mistake for Annie to pour herself into her career at the CIA, it was just that she had to lie and deceive people for work and she didn't want to do it in her personal life. It would be exhausting as it had been to lie to Danielle those early years. So work and her personal life blurred, Auggie was her only friend these last few years. It seemed to work for them until it didn't.
"What time is it?" She blinks and sees the blinds are closed, yet streaks of light are poking through. The nurse opens the blinds. Auggie feels his watch, "Just a little after 6 o'clock."
"Someone's up early."
"McQuaid was my wake up call at about five this morning, he wanted someone here with you when you woke up. He thought you were on the verge of a breakdown or something."
"I told him it was probably his painkillers talkin' because the Annie Walker I know has nerves of steel."
Annie is glad he can't see. She looks down and lets out a small smile, lips curved. She did have nerves of steel, she had to in order to pull off her plan. "He shouldn't have imposed on you."
"I wanted to come all day yesterday, but was caught up," responds Auggie.
Auggie can't see, but he heard a deep and long breath escape from Annie's mouth.
"Can you sit up fully Ma'am?"
"Haven't tried yet," responded Annie.
"I'll bring the head of the bed up more for you . . . now take my hand and I'll support you to sitting."
Annie sucks in air and takes deep breaths. The pain reverberates through her torso from the fractured ribs and broken collarbone. Upon hearing Annie,, Auggie's face shows concern. He knew from speaking to McQuaid briefly that Annie was in a dark place. And he had worked long enough with Joan to know that she was concerned too. When Joan returned to the DPD yesterday after spending time with Annie at the hospital she painted a grim picture. Auggie was dealing with his own guilt over not calling Annie sooner to let her know about the threat.
"You okay Annie?"
"Um hmm. . ." manages Annie through the discomfort.
The nurse unties Annie's gown and slowly removes the bandages covering the burns and the area that was stitched up from the hole Kravec drilled into Annie's flesh.
"Would it be more comfortable to lie on your side when we're done? The burns need some exposure to air to heal better."
"I don't know, both sides hurt so, I'm not sure."
"Annie," interrupts Auggie. "I heard you were being stubborn about the morphine. You know no one will judge you for taking painkillers. You don't need to be a masochist here."
"Miss Walker, I have to agree, facing the pain while brave of you, isn't necessary."
The nurse cleans the wounds, applies ointment to the burns and checks on the stitches.
"I guess the truth is, the pain helps me forget," says Annie.
"I was kidding about you being a masochist, but I'm guessing you're in no joking mood, I'm sorry Annie. I'm so very sorry about everything. I wish I had called you as sooner, that we got to you five minutes sooner."
"Don't Auggie, wouldn't have made a difference, what happened lands on me, all my choices led to this. There's no one to blame but myself."
Auggie sighs and leans his head on his cane.
The nurse finishes up and says breakfast will be delivered shortly, "Try to have something to eat this morning, the doctors will begin rounds soon."
"I wanted to come yesterday when you arrived from Key West, but I was tied up at the office. Annie I should have been here, I'm so sorry about the baby."
"I wish I never came back, I should have stayed away, I'd probably still have myocarditis, but I wouldn't know the pain I know now. Physical pain, I always endured, but this pit in my stomach, this hole in my heart, I can't do it anymore Auggie."
"What are you sayin' Walker, you came back, you did amazing work, you met your match in McQuaid as much as that irks me to say, he's a good man, and you two were made for each other."
"I'm glad you became friends, truly, he'll need someone because I told him I need to be alone, but he just won't let go."
Auggie didn't like to hear Annie talk like this. He wasn't a guy who wore his emotions on his sleeve. In many ways he was like Annie, they kept people at arm's length and built walls around themselves. Maybe that's why they didn't work. Two people with walls and no one willing to take a chisel to the other because each understood why the other had the walls to begin with. Neither of them pushed the other too hard, neither of them expected more from each other.
The meal service worker arrived and placed a tray on Annie's table. "Miss Walker? Soft diet, cream of wheat, soft boiled egg, yogurt, and pear puree?"
"Don't waste it, I'm not hungry."
Auggie says, "Leave it here would you?"
"Sure, man," says the food service worker not sure what to really do.
"Thanks," says Auggie.
"I heard something about that when I arrived earlier. O Come on Annie. Have a little, I hear their known for their pear puree." said Auggie.
He feels his way to the table based on the food service man's voice and pushes the table closer as he feels for Annie's arm. She pulls away when he touches her arm. Auggie is thankful he's blind, he had read the report that Langley received on her injuries. He knew she was badly hurt.
"I'm not hungry Auggie, I don't, I can't, my jaw."
"Oh that's why it's a soft diet."
"No thanks."
"Annie, I'm sorry about your loss. I know how much you and Ryan looked forward to having a baby."
Annie is close to tears again. "I don't want to talk about it. Thanks for being here Auggie. I'm just going to rest my eyes." She lied. She didn't want him there anymore, he couldn't see, but he could always feel her aura. He knew her better than anyone else in her life at the moment and she couldn't risk him figuring out her plan.
He reached for her bed, found her hand and squeezed it. "This doesn't sound like the Annie Walker I know,"
"She died Auggie. She died long ago."
"You're going to get through this Walker, you always do." Auggie didn't know what else to say to her. He was at a lost for words.
Annie holds back tears. "Thanks."
"I'll be by after work, I'll bring you one of those green smoothies you like, just give some of this food a try first, okay?"
"Good-bye Auggie."