I must've jinxed myself by saying this story would be finished soon, because as soon as I said it I was immediately slammed with writer's block. And it only applied to this story; I could write other stuff, but not this. I swear, the universe wants me to never get anything done. Nevertheless, I persisted and finally prevailed.
Warning: Some of you who've read my other works may remember my fondness for blood and guts, and that tendency rears its gory head toward the end of this chapter. Apparently I can't write a whole story without inflicting gruesome injuries on a lead character at some point. Also, cliffhanger.
Chapter 37: Gray
"And why is Gabriel Gray under surveillance?"
"Oh, he killed some guy and stole his powers. People who can do that are really rare, so we want to study him. I just wish I wasn't the one who has to go undercover as his friend-slash-confidante. The guy has serious issues with self-loathing over what he is - he's as bad as you on that front, but at least you're still moderately cool even if you do have this stupid hang-up about thinking of yourself as a monster sometimes."
"Thanks," Edward said wryly.
"The first time I met Gabriel, he tried to hang himself in his clock shop; I walked in just in time to zap the rope and save him. You'd never do anything like that, would you?" She felt foolish for asking - hanging wouldn't kill a vampire. In fact, Elle wasn't aware of any methods by which a suicidal vampire might off himself; still, she knew Edward was resourceful enough to find one if he wanted to. She didn't think he wanted to, but his mindset about being a 'monster' was just a little too close to Gabriel Gray's for comfort.
"Elle, I assure you I have never had the slightest interest in suicide. I've learned to live with what I am, if not to be happy with it. It might have been a very different story if Carlisle and Esme hadn't accepted me back into the family after I deviated from our diet, but fortunately they did. Besides, this existence isn't all bad - if Carlisle hadn't changed me, I never would have met you." Of course, if anything happened to Elle he would have to die with her; no vampire ever fully recovered from losing their mate, and their chances of living a happy or even somewhat contented life after such a loss were practically nonexistent.
"Guess I better not die then," was Elle's response when he shared that piece of information with her.
"You had better not," he agreed, "which is why I'm concerned about your proximity to Mr. Gray. You said he killed a man."
"And he felt so bad about it he tried to kill himself. I don't think he'll do it again." Which was unfortunate for her, because her mission wouldn't be over until she and Noah documented him in the act. She could imagine what Edward would say about that.
Edward, however, didn't plan on saying another word about her new case; she hadn't come to be lectured, and while he'd intervened in her dealings with Bella, he couldn't play the role of her conscience forever. Instead he asked, "Can you stay here tonight?"
"Yeah, that was the plan. Sneaking back into the facility at this hour would be hard. I could do it," she quickly added, "but I'd rather not." She stifled a yawn. Being on the go all day and then catching a cab from Hartsdale to Manhattan at the time she'd usually be going to bed really wore a girl out.
"You're tired," Edward observed. "One of the upstairs rooms is ready for you if you'd like to use it."
Elle yawned again and sank deeper into the couch. "Here's good. I don't wanna get up."
"You don't have to."
The leather cushions fell away as Edward lifted her and carried her upstairs. "You didn't need to do that," Elle grumbled. "I would've gotten up in a minute. Put me down."
"As you wish." He unceremoniously dumped her on her bed.
She toed off her shoes and stretched out, arching her back like a cat and moaning as she flexed muscles that had cramped over hours of sitting in a van with Noah, then in a cab. "Aren't you gonna join me?"
"Would you like me to?"
"Sure. Believe it or not, I've actually missed the feeling of sleeping next to an ice statue since I got back home."
Which of course was her way of saying she had missed him, so Edward ignored the inner voice of reason telling him that increased proximity and physical contact with Elle was the last thing he needed at the moment and lay down beside her, trying to forget the provocative sight of her working the kinks out of her muscles.
Elle immediately glued herself to his side and leaned in for a kiss. He turned his head away but that didn't deter her; she just kissed his neck instead.
"I thought you wanted to sleep?"
The question, or rather the tone in which it was asked, stopped Elle cold. Edward's voice sounded much as it had when they'd investigated the scene of Bella's assault: like he was under severe stress. It was not exactly the reaction Elle had hoped for. "What's wrong?"
"You are pushing my self-control to its limits," Edward sighed.
"Is that such a bad thing? We're finally alone - no Company bosses breathing down my neck or vampire siblings with inconveniently sharp hearing downstairs. We could do anything we want."
"Not the thing you're thinking of."
Elle pulled away, her expression darkening. "Why not? Practically everyone our age does it, at least if you believe all the stuff on TV. So why don't you want to? Wait a minute… Do vampires not have sex?"
"We do-" Thanks to Emmett's and Rosalie's frequent honeymoons and his accursed telepathy, Edward was unfortunately well-versed on the mating habits of his kind "-just not with humans."
Elle's pensive frown turned into a rather foreboding scowl. "What's wrong with humans?"
"Nothing," Edward said quickly. "It's just that you are so very fragile-"
"Fragile? Did you seriously just call me fragile?" A spark leapt off her finger, singeing the quilt.
"It isn't a personal reflection on you, Elle - I know you're strong, and smart, and brave, but you are also human, and human bodies are breakable. And I'm afraid I would break you. All it would take is one second's carelessness, and the one thing in this world I cannot live without could be damaged beyond repair. How do you think I would feel then?"
Elle flopped onto her back with a loud sigh of frustration. She had witnessed some very impressive demonstrations of vampires' supernatural strength, and her desire to do what normal teenagers in love did wasn't strong enough to make her risk getting ripped limb from limb. "You just have to have some stupid reason I can't argue with, don't you?"
"Would you prefer a more trivial one?"
"Do you have one?" Edward's silence was all the answer Elle needed. "Of course you do."
"It's just that my view of this matter differs from contemporary attitudes. Society wasn't nearly as permissive in my day."
"Meaning?" Elle's eyes narrowed. "It wasn't one of those societies where you'd get stoned to death for having sex before you got married, was it?" If that was what Edward was getting at, he could forget it - they were not going there. At sixteen, she didn't even think she legally could.
"Nothing so drastic as stoning; we had developed more sophisticated methods of execution by then."
"But you still executed people for…" Her voice trailed off when she saw his crooked grin and realized he was just messing with her. "You're a riot."
"Promiscuity was not a capital offense," he assured her, "but in my day most people believed love and lust should keep the same company."
"That isn't a problem for us - you've said you love me about a million times."
"I have. You haven't," Edward said somberly.
"Oh…" Elle seemed to deflate slightly as her breath left her in a sudden gush of air, like she'd been sucker-punched. "Well you know I don't do touchy-feely-mushy. I've stayed with you longer than I ever thought I would, I've risked getting in really hot water for you twice, I haven't even looked at another guy since we got together - I haven't even wanted to - and you can read my mind. I thought you knew how I feel about you."
"I do. Still, it would be nice to hear you say it."
"You want me to say I l-"
"Only if you want to. Only if you mean it."
After everything they'd been through together, it seemed to Elle that saying the words and meaning them should be easy, but her tongue disagreed with her brain and remained stubbornly frozen. Sure, she thought she loved Edward…but was she sure? What did she really know about love anyway? Sometimes she wasn't even positive she loved her own father, or that he loved her, and if she could have doubts about the longest-standing relationship in her life, how could she hope to accurately judge what she felt for a guy she'd only known a few months? If she couldn't do that, she couldn't say she loved him, because he would know if her words weren't sincere, and he would never forgive her for lying to him again. Not about this.
Even if she was certain of the validity of her feelings, if she said the words now, wouldn't she just be doing it because Edward wanted her to? Was she really going to give him that kind of power over her?
He quickly put a stop to that line of thought. "This isn't a demand, Elle, and I'm not looking for emotional leverage. You should know me better than that."
Of course she did; if any of the other men in her life asked about her feelings toward them she would have every reason to be suspicious, but she knew Edward wasn't like that. He was nowhere near as manipulative and controlling as the rest of them, and she shouldn't have thought such things about him for even a second. Now she felt guilty. "You're right. I'm sorry. Can we just forget this whole conversation ever happened?"
"I think that would be for the best."
Elle moved over to the other side of the bed and curled up on her side, facing away from him. She neither said nor thought anything that indicated she wanted him to leave, but Edward nevertheless got the feeling that cuddling up to her would be a mistake, so he stayed on his own side of the bed. At least, he reflected while listening to her troubled thoughts trailing off into silence as she fell asleep, he probably didn't have to worry about any future attempts at seduction. Now that she knew sex was out of the question unless she confessed her feelings for him and might result in her suffering severe bruising, broken bones, or worse, he thought they were unlikely to ever revisit the subject. He suspected that of those two constraints, the first was the stronger deterrent.
###
Sure enough, when Elle got up and went into the bathroom for a quick shower, she didn't invite him to join her, not even jokingly. She stayed for breakfast - Edward had thoughtfully stocked the kitchen with human food - then announced that she needed to get back to work.
"Back to Gabriel Gray?" Edward kept his tone and expression neutral, but Elle sensed his displeasure hiding beneath the veneer of polite interest.
"Yeah. Don't look at me like that, I have to. If you're still worried about him hurting me you can come along, if…if you want to." She faltered ever so slightly before adding those last words, which told her boyfriend that she hadn't put last night's debate from her mind as completely as she pretended. His discontent with her inability to admit the extent of her feelings had taken her by surprise and made her wonder if there were any more problems he had yet to bring up. She'd always thought he was happy with how things were between them, but maybe she was wrong. Had their relationship started to crumble without her noticing?
"I do," Edward said immediately. "I left behind everything else in my life to be closer to you, after all."
Elle's eyes narrowed as she darted a glance at his face. Was he trying to make her feel guilty?
"And I want you to know I have no regrets. It's worth it."
"So…you're not mad about last night? We're okay?"
"We are. Besides, it's too dangerous for you to go alone. Obviously I'd prefer you didn't go at all, but if I can't dissuade you from carrying out your assignment-"
"You can't."
"-Then the least I can do is be there in case you encounter trouble."
###
They drove to the building where Gabriel Gray lived in Edward's new car, a Jaguar with custom windows tinted to the greatest extent allowed by New York State law. Apparently buying a new car and having it specially modified was easier than moving either of the cars he already had to Manhattan. Elle thought her father might do something like that if he was a car guy. Rich people - I don't get them.
He parked across the street from Gabriel's apartment complex, behind the Primatech van in which Noah Bennet sat waiting for Elle. She pecked Edward on the cheek, then made to get out of the car. "See you in an hour or two."
He caught her arm as she unfastened her seatbelt. "Are you telling me to wait outside?"
"You shouldn't even be here. I can't take you into Gabriel's apartment with me."
"I won't be much help to you in this car."
"I don't need help. I only let you come for your peace of mind."
"Fine, I'll stay here. Hurry back."
"Will do. Later, alligator." She got out, went over to the van and briefly conferred with Noah, then jogged across the street, weaving through oncoming traffic, ignoring the irate drivers who honked at her, and nearly causing the vampire watching her to have a nervous breakdown. He relaxed when she made it to the other side of the road without getting splattered all over it, only to tense up again when a young man wearing eyeliner, black nail polish, and a truly horrible outfit consisting of a long-sleeved gray-and-black-striped shirt and shapeless knee-length shorts approached her.
"There you are. I almost thought you weren't gonna make it."
Elle smiled winningly at the goth guy. "Here I am. The guy I want you to meet lives right in here."
Edward stopped blocking out the buzz of other people's thoughts in his head and focused on Elle's. He learned that the goth guy was called Trevor, and Noah had selected him to be Mr. Gray's next victim. Elle was going along with his plan, which disappointed Edward, but at least he'd only gained her cooperation by threatening to tell Bob if she made trouble. She didn't want Bob to get angry with her again, so Noah was now confident the plan would go off without a hitch.
He didn't count on me being here, though. I can put a stop to this. The question is whether I should. It would mean breaking the resolution he'd made just last night to quit trying to be Elle's conscience, but the idea of sitting back and letting her cause an innocent man's death was repugnant. But she wouldn't appreciate me interfering with her work. It's really none of my business…
Unless the work put her at risk. Based on her description of the murder Gabriel had already committed, he sounded like quite a lethal predator, not so very different from a vampire except that he was after his victim's ability, not their blood - and once their bloodlust was aroused, no vampire would stop at just one kill if there was more prey readily available. What if Gabriel turned on Elle after killing Trevor?
She'll understand that I was too afraid of him hurting her to just sit here. Having justified his meddling, Edward pulled up the hood on his jacket and put on a pair of gloves. It made him look like he was about to commit a robbery - or maybe it just made him look ridiculous - but it kept his skin covered from direct sunlight, allowing him to cross the street and enter the apartment building without exposing himself as a supernatural creature.
Once inside, he tracked Elle's scent to Gabriel Gray's door and burst in just as she had Trevor demonstrate his ability.
"Who's this? How many people did you invite into my apartment?" Gabriel demanded. He was annoyed; Trevor's presence had come as an unwelcome surprise, and he was even unhappier with the arrival of another unexpected guest.
"I didn't invite him. He's not supposed to be here," Elle growled, glaring at Edward.
He ignored her and told Trevor, "Get out of here. Run."
"Who are you?" Gabriel asked again. "Get out, or I'm calling the police."
"She wants you to kill this man." Edward pointed to Trevor. "She works for a company that researches the abilities of people like you, and she's trying to goad you into attacking him so they can observe how your power works. Can't you see that, you fool?"
"Is that true?" Gabriel asked Elle.
"Um…"
The clockmaker looked devastated. "I thought you wanted to help me - I thought you were my friend…"
"Okay, this isn't cool," Trevor muttered. "I'm outta here." He headed for the door, but Gabriel used his telekinesis to catch him and hurl him across the room.
"You're not going anywhere." The lock and deadbolt on his door clicked into place. "None of you are until I understand exactly what's going on here. Elle, who is this guy?"
"His name's Edward Cullen. He's my boyfriend."
This information stirred up Gabriel's temper even more; he had developed a bit of a crush on Elle since she saved his life.
"I'd advise you to forget those feelings unless you have a proclivity for underage girls." Edward cocked his head as he sorted through Gabriel's confused jumble of thoughts. "I'm afraid no judge will care that you thought she was older, but fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it - the jail sentence handed down for statutory rape is paltry compared to what you would get for first-degree murder."
"Shut up! You lying little bitch," Gabriel snarled at Elle.
"Hey, it wasn't my idea. I was just following orders."
"You did all this just to make me kill again - I bet that's the only reason you even bothered to save me, isn't it?"
"I might've saved you on my own, but I was only in your shop because my bosses sent me there," Elle replied honestly.
"I see. Your company wants to observe me? Watch this." His telekinetic push hit her in the chest with crushing force, knocking her to the floor.
He intended to do a lot more than that, but just as he unleashed his power on her again, Edward appeared beside him, struck him hard enough to break his arm, and punched him in the stomach. The blow drove the air out of him and would leave a nasty bruise, maybe even some internal bleeding, but Edward hadn't aimed for any vital organs or applied the force necessary to actually drive his fist through Gabriel's body and do irreparable damage; he had a somewhat better than fifty-fifty chance of surviving. For a split second Edward was tempted to finish the job and kill him; then he reminded himself that he'd come to prevent a murder, not commit one.
And Elle may be hurt. I need to get her away from him. She was still sprawled on the floor, stunned, or maybe she just hadn't had time to move yet - putting Gabriel down had taken Edward almost no time at all. He gathered her up and ran from Gabriel's apartment. The basement boiler room was nearby and empty of human traffic, so he shouldered the heavy door open after breaking the padlock securing it and ducked inside to examine her.
Elle blinked, her eyes struggling to adjust to the abrupt plunge into darkness. "Edward?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"My insides hurt."
He wasn't surprised; there was a dark stain spreading down the front of her blouse. It seemed Gabriel's telekinesis could be used for cutting as well as moving objects, and he must have injured her right before Edward got to him. He undid the bottom buttons of Elle's top and folded the floral-printed material aside, baring her lower torso to discover the extent of the damage, and froze in horror; Gabriel had cut her more severely than he'd imagined, leaving a diagonal slash that stretched from just under her left breast to the right side of her abdomen. Without the sticky, bloody cloth and the pressure of his grip holding it together, her dermis and the muscle beneath peeled open like the layers of an onion, revealing her guts and the stark whiteness of bone.
"It's bad, isn't it?" Elle asked. She could barely see Edward's face in the gloom, but she thought his expression was the same one he'd worn when she blew up James and inadvertently fractured her own spine. Her back wasn't broken this time, though; instead of feeling numb, she was all too aware of the pain - serious pain that told her something was very wrong. The fact that Edward held her down to keep her from seeing what had been done to her confirmed it.
"It's only a flesh wound. You'll be fine," he lied. Even if he called 911 this very second, she would bleed out long before help arrived. He estimated she had ten minutes at best, probably less. The nearest hospital was at least fifteen minutes away.
Elle knew he was lying, and he hadn't called an ambulance or tried to help her himself…which had to mean there was nothing he could do. I must be dying. Strangely, she wasn't as shocked or terrified as she'd expected to be when facing death. She'd always known the risks of her job and did her best to avoid them, but now that the worst had happened she accepted it as an inevitability that had been creeping up on her all her life. She just hadn't realized it until now.
Her one regret was that dying meant leaving Edward. What she'd had with him was the one thing she never expected to have in her life, the one thing she now realized gave her life meaning beyond being an agent. The one thing that made her want to stay alive. More than that, she was sorry for the pain her death would cause him. She wished she could live so he wouldn't have to lose her. It was the first truly selfless thing she had ever wanted.
"I love you," she said suddenly. If she couldn't give him the lifetime with her that he wanted, she could at least give him that. "I've always loved you; I just didn't believe it."
Edward made an odd, choked-off sound almost like a hysterical laugh. "I've waited so long to hear you say that - and you tell me now, when you're about to die?"
"Sorry I took so long. I wish it was different, y'know…" Her voice became hushed and slurred as her brain realized her body was dying and started to shut down. "I'd stay with you if I could…forever…"
"What if you could?" He'd considered changing her often, although he never really thought he'd be able to go through with it. He wasn't sure he could do it now, but letting her go without a fight now that she'd finally admitted she loved him and even hinted that they could've had a real future together would be unbearable.
"That'd be great," she mumbled.
"I can heal you. You'd be different in some ways, but you'd still be yourself, and we could be together."
"'Kay." She didn't know what he was talking about, but she managed to get that single syllable out to indulge him. It took the last of her strength; her last word was accompanied by a weak cough that sprayed blood from her mouth. Then her eyes closed and she went deathly still.
Next up: will Edward find the nerve to try changing Elle? If he does, can he pull it off, or will his thirst kick in and make him kill her? And what might Elle be like as a newborn vampire? Will New York survive?