Riley knew that she wasn't being as talkative as she usually was as the three of them walked the distance from the subway to Maya's apartment building, but, honestly, she wasn't quite sure what she could say that would add to the muted conversation Farkle and Smackle were having. Usually she would try to at least follow along, even if she never quite understood the terminologies they used. Moreover, it was always a pleasure for her to watch Farkle's face light up as he spoke about what he loved, and she could spend hours on end just watching his eyes sparkle. Today though, she couldn't bring herself to do more than give him the occasional glance – mostly to ensure that he didn't walk into something given the size of the object he was carrying.
As they reached the street and the refurbished apartment building came into view, Riley wondered at the nervousness that was slowly building within her the nearer they got to where Maya was. She wasn't sure she was equipped to handle this, a silly thought given how many things she and her friend had gone through over the past few years. Nevertheless, in this matter she felt slightly out of depth, and suddenly wished that Lucas was here with them since he would know exactly what to do or say. Her and Maya's recent history proved that she could no longer be fully trusted to know what was best for Maya. And, if she were completely honest, she would admit that she still bore some hurt and resentment over Maya having not confided in her about what had been happening.
"Are we sure that Maya is prepared for visitors?" Smackle asked as they entered the building. "It has only been two days since her experience. Perhaps it is too soon?"
"She asked us to come over," Farkle reminded her. "She wouldn't have if she didn't feel like she was up to it. Plus, I doubt her mom or Mr. Hunter would have agreed if she wasn't better."
"Maya, in some regards, is a very robust person," Smackle agreed. "However, I hope that she is not pushing herself beyond the limits she is comfortable with. She should take whatever time she requires to feel secure once more."
"She should," he acknowledged. "What do you think Riley?"
Riley considered it for a moment. "I hope she stays away until all the gossip dies down," she said, grimacing slightly as she thought of the firestorm that had engulfed the school since the fight.
She didn't know if the sustained interest was because the school so rarely experienced violence or because of Maya's lingering popularity. Or maybe it was because it was her friend's second time being beaten up by the same person. Whatever it was, people were still harassing them for details they were reluctant to reveal and she had taken to sticking close to Lucas whenever possible because his glower was downright terrifying and did quite a good job of keeping nosy people away.
Reaching the apartment, she knocked on the door, a mere formality since she knew exactly where the spare key was to let them in. She heard her uncle's muffled voice and, rightly assuming that he was calling for them to enter, she pushed open the door.
"Uncle Shawn?" she called out as she took in the empty living room.
"One second Baby Cory," he returned from the kitchen.
Riley huffed at the nickname, although she knew that – this time at least – it came out of a place of fondness rather than mockery. Smackle stepped forward next to her, curiously looking around her. It was only then that Riley realised that this was her first time at Maya's place and she smiled slightly when she gave in to her curiosity and wandered over to the wall to look at the assortment of pictures littering the wall, many of them recent additions now that her uncle now called this place home.
"Hey kiddies," he greeted a moment later, his tone cheerful as he came into the living room. Riley walked to him for a hug, noting that, although he seemed genuinely glad to see him, there was a tiredness in his eyes that had her squeezing him just a bit tighter. "Thanks for coming over. I know Maya will appreciate it."
"Thank you for having us, sir," Smackle replied, although she didn't turn away from the picture she was examining.
Riley chuckled as he cocked his head slightly in her direction before, after a moment, asking, "Isadora Smackle?"
"That's me," she confirmed, briefly glancing at him. "You are hairier than in the pictures Maya has shown me of you."
"Smackle," Farkle sighed.
"Leave her be, robot," Shawn told him with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Cory keeps me up to speed with all of you. I understand that she's harmless."
"I'm not a robot sir," Farkle told him. "I've seen my birth papers. Farkle Minkus is a real boy."
"Yeah, not buying it kid," he said with a mischievous smirk. "Minkus could doctor one if he really wanted. I must admit though, he put in some work into your upgrade. You got that nerd-chic vibe working for you now."
"I'm a real boy!" Farkle protested.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Shawn returned. "Or should I say deactivate?"
"Your mannerism is very similar to Maya's," Smackle observed as she moved to stand beside Farkle. "Are we certain you two are not biologically related."
"I wouldn't have minded if we were," Shawn grinned, "but I didn't have the pleasure."
"Eww," Farkle remarked, crinkling his nose while Riley only frowned, wondering at his reaction.
"Mr. Hunter made a lewd joke Riley," Smackle explained patiently.
"So you're the robot's genius girlfriend right? Did Minkus hire you to keep him up to date."
"I do my best to help Farkle achieve his fullest potential," she said probably.
"Smackle you are not helping," Farkle groaned in return.
"Enough teasing, Uncle Shawn," Riley finally said, giving him a reprieve. "I believe you're a real boy, Farkle."
"That's the Topanga in you," Shawn scoffed.
"Where's Maya?" she asked him trying to redirect the topic for Farkle's sake.
Maya's name caused her Uncle to instantly sober up. "She's been in her room all afternoon," he responded. "Her counselling session didn't go too well."
"Should we be here then?" Smackle asked hesitantly.
"I'm actually hoping the three of you could help cheer her up a bit," he admitted, dropping down so that he was sitting on the arm of the couch. "She needs time to heal, that's a given, but I think her isolating herself like this won't do her much good in the long run. That just isn't in her nature and I hope your visit can job her out of it before it goes much further. Look," he added, reaching out to touch her arm, "I know that Maya's made some unfortunate choices, and that you may be a bit upset with her about it. But, trust me when I say that no one is more aware of what she should have or shouldn't have done better than Maya herself at this point. So maybe keep that in mind? She's had more than her share of people being mad at her already today."
Riley stared at him for a moment before nodding, not even questioning how he knew how she was feeling. Her dad loved to talk about how she and Maya were a diluted version of him and Shawn, so maybe experience gave him the intuitive knowledge of what she felt. "I won't," she promised. "I love her. I always will love her."
"And that's all that matters," he responded sincerely, before standing. "I'll leave you guys to it then," he said waving towards the corridor leading to the bedrooms. "Come on out whenever you're hungry. I'm in charge of the grub tonight and I promise to make your taste buds explode."
Maya looked small, really small, and for a second, Riley just stood in the door way, unable to move as she just stared at the miserable looking ball that was her friend. Maya was hugging her knees, her default position whenever she was physically trying to get the world to just leave her alone, and, despite her own conflicted feelings, she started forward, instinctively wanting to cuddle her and let her know that she wasn't alone and didn't have to deal with it by herself. Smackle pulled her up short, reaching out and latching onto her sleeve.
"Maya is like me right now," she explained quietly. "Do not touch her unless she expresses her desire for it."
That made sense, Riley acknowledged, even as, at the sound of Smackle's voice, Maya lifted her head, using her hand to sweep her messy hair off her face.
"School's over already?" she asked, her voice croaky and listless.
"It's almost five, Maya," Farkle replied. "What have you been doing?"
"Nothing," she replied, and, almost reluctantly it seemed, unfurled herself. She leant her head back against the wall as she looked at them. "I meant to change," she said by means of apology, referring to the old pair of pyjamas she was wearing.
"That doesn't matter Maya," Riley said. "How are you?"
Maya shrugged her right shoulder at that but waved them forward. Smackle made a beeline for the chair, taking and dragging it close while Riley sat down beside her, heeding Smackle's advise and leaving some space between them. Farkle didn't claim her other side immediately though. Instead he stood in front of her and held out the giant teddy bear he had stashed away in her dad's history class for the entire day. Maya frowned slightly, her eyes darting from it to him and back again.
"I'm not Riley," she finally said. "I don't do cute things."
"Actually, you do," Farkle rebutted, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile as he held it out to her. "I didn't get it for you because it was cute though," he explained when finally, hesitantly, she took it from him. "I wanted you to have something you could hug beside yourself."
Riley watched as Maya's eyes widened at that briefly before she looked down at the teddy bear with new interest. After a second she pulled it flush to her body and squeezed it tight, burying her head in its fur for a long moment.
"You're welcome," Farkle told her gently as he sat on the bed.
They all waited patiently until Maya finally lifted her head again, her eyes sparkling in a way that Riley suspected meant that she had allowed the bear to absorb the few tears that had sprung up in her eyes at his words.
"What is your condition Maya?" Smackle inquired. "Are you healing well?"
Maya sniffed and freed a hand wipe at her nose before she responded. "I have a tear in my shoulder from where I got yanked," she explained. "It's not too bad but I have to take it easy for a few weeks. They gave me a sling I'm supposed to wear when I'm moving around a lot."
"Where is it?" Riley asked curiously, looking around the room.
"I gave it to Ginger as a blanket," Maya declared, her tone slightly petulant.
Riley chuckled at her tone and decided against scolding her. She was too glad to see a sign of Maya's more defiant nature shining through the air of melancholy that surrounded her. "I've missed you, Peaches," she admitted.
"I'll be back soon," Maya promised, looking at her. "Mom wants everything settled before I come back, and who am I to complain about free time from school?"
"Are you getting your work done?" Farkle asked, glancing to her desk where papers and books were scattered about.
"I finished it all yesterday," she responded. "Don't ask me if anything's right though."
A silence descended upon them after that, an awkward one in which no one really seemed to know what to do or say to move the conversation forward. There was a giant elephant in the room that Riley knew needed to be addressed but, with Maya looking so woebgotten, it seemed like they were all reluctant to steer the conversation in that direction.
Maya, surprisingly, was the one to break it. With a deep sigh, she gave the teddy bear one last squeeze before carefully putting it to sit beside her. "I know you're mad at me," she told them. "I deserve it. So go ahead and yell. I won't get upset."
"We're not going to yell at you," Farkle said immediately. "And I don't think any of us are mad either. I think we just want to understand why you didn't tell us."
"You should be," she replied miserably, wringing her hands together in her lap. "Everyone else is. Just tell me how much of a failure of a friend I am."
"Who has said that to you?" Smackle demanded with surprising ferocity. "Tell me and I shall deal with them."
Riley blinked in surprise, her mind throwing her back to Monday morning when she and Farkle had arrived to find Lucas, looking suitably cowed while Smackle waggled her finger in her face and thoroughly chewed him up, Zay looking on with barely disguised amusement. It was a side to her she had never seen before, and she couldn't help but wonder now what was spurring her to be so forthright with her feelings.
"Who said it doesn't matter Smackle," Maya responded quietly. "The fact is that it's true. Riley," she continued, causing her to look at her. "I know you're probably really upset with me. You can't deny that."
Riley sighed, knowing that she couldn't lie about that. "I just don't understand why you didn't say anything to me, to any of us," she admitted. "Why would you keep something so big from me?"
"I didn't think it mattered," she replied. "It was just notes in my locker."
"And it was just texts on my phone," Riley rebutted.
"Yeah but unlike you they weren't bothering me," Maya said. "Getting them was annoying but I didn't give a damn about what was written on them."
"But it escalated Maya," Farkle pointed out. "You started to get them every day. At what point were you going to tell someone?"
"When I thought I couldn't handle it," she answered him honestly. "I was handling it."
"You couldn't have known that this would be the outcome," Smackle offered, adjusting her glasses. "If you had had an inkling that things would have turned violent I am sure you would have said something."
"I may have," Maya agreed.
"May?"
"It's not that simple Farkle," she said, and Riley heard a distinct edge of frustration creep into her tone. "You guys don't get it. No one gets it. There's no way I could have just said something and that would have magically fixed everything. Someone would have ended up angry with me whether or not I said something. I thought staying silent would have been the best option. It wasn't."
"Who's angry with you?" Farkle asked, echoing Smackle's earlier question. "It's not us, not really. And it's definitely not Lucas and Zay. They were all for skipping their game to come here today."
"It doesn't matter," Maya responded, as she sunk back against the wall.
"Maya," Riley said then. "Will you explain it to us? I thought Liam was your friend. I thought that you preferred his company over ours…that you were starting to like him more than us. Is that true, or did you just not want him to be alone? Are you just hanging out with him because you want to protect him?"
Maya didn't answer her immediately, but they gave her the time to process the question. "It started that way," she slowly admitted, pulling the teddy bear back onto her lap. "I was hiding out in the art room because I didn't want to be around you guys," she explained slowly. "He showed up with his cousin and seemed weird, but not a bad sort of weird. It just grew from there. I knew that he was in the art room all the time for a reason, and he'd refuse every time I asked him if he wanted to hang out with us, but I didn't know immediately why he was hiding in there. I didn't just want to abandon him once we fixed things between us but it's not like I was only there out of duty or something.
"I really do like him, Riley. He's my friend, and I think we had the potential to be great friends. He's taught me so many things and just gets art in a way no one else I know does. I want him safe just like I want all of you safe and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'm sorry I didn't realise how much my friendship with him would bother you Riles, and I know that usually whenever someone has a new friend we'll just integrate them into the group but I couldn't just do that with Liam. He and Zay got along fine and I know they talk now but he's…different, and I knew he wouldn't sync in with us as easily as Zay and Smackle did.
"Because of that I decided to just keep him away, to have two distinct friend groups. It sounded easy at the time but it's so tiring, exhausting even and no one realises that. No one sees how much effort I have to put into making sure no side feels neglected, to keep a balance and I'm tired. It takes everything I have to just keep you guys co-existing and now more than ever I don't know if I'm better off just getting rid of one, consequences be damned. It'd at least give me back time for myself."
"I didn't know that that was how you felt," Riley admitted, feeling guilty. She'd never looked at it from that perspective, and now she felt guilty for all the times she ribbed Maya for not being with them as much as before. Every time she had done that Maya would laugh and make a joke of it, but, for the next few days would be around a lot more before slowly trailing away again. She'd never complained about it, but knowing how much effort it was causing her made her feel guilty. She hadn't seen just how thing Maya had been stretching herself.
"Well maybe you should get rid of one," Smackle said matter of fact. "I see no issue with this as long as we are the group retained."
Despite her melancholy, Maya snickered at that, a slightly hysterical sound. "If only it were that simple," she replied.
"Shane's on the other side of the equation Smackle," Fackle explained. "Maya can't just give up her boyfriend."
"Why not?" Smackle said, almost indifferently. "They are still in the early stages of their relationship. I am certain that it has yet to progress beyond infatuation therefore her severing ties with him should not be too difficult. If she really desires romance, Zay is available for wooing."
"Smackle!" Riley gasped even as Maya laughed outright at that, a welcomed sound.
"Hold on," the genius girl said then raising a hand. "I retract that statement. I do not like that idea. Why does that idea bother me?" she asked seriously.
"Smackle?" Riley said inquiringly as she stood abruptly and started to pace, a hand coming up to tap at her chin.
"She's pondering a hypothesis," Farkle explained, his tone light although, when she looked at him, Riley saw a definite crease in his forehead as he looked at his girlfriend. "She'll be like that until she figures herself out."
"I may not have to end up choosing," Maya said then, bringing their attention back to her. "I may have ruined things completely with that side anyway."
"Maya, tell us," Farkle demanded. "Just what is happening? Mr. Hunter mentioned someone being mad with you."
"Liam is," she answered, "and it's more like he's furious with me."
"Why?" Riley asked, perplexed. "You saved him. He can't be mad at you for that."
"Oh, he thanked me for that," Maya answered, before reaching out and pulling the teddy bear back into her lap to squeeze tightly. "He called me earlier. It's the first I've heard directly from him since it all happened. He thanked me for my part in helping him before telling me that he's through with me."
"Does he think distancing himself from you will keep you safe?" Farkle asked, trying to make sense of what she was saying.
Maya sighed deeply. "I didn't not tell anyone," she admitted, reluctantly meeting their gaze. "His boyfriend and I made an agreement. We would keep each other in the know about what was happening with Liam when he wasn't in our respective purviews. Except we both knew that Liam wouldn't like it. That he'd see it as us hiding things from him, and that's as good as deception in his book even if it was well-intentioned. We both knew that and still agreed to do it and now it's backfired. When Liam told Alex about the letters he admitted that he knew about it and told Liam about the stuff he had been sharing with me, stuff that Liam hadn't wanted me to know and vice versa."
"And he took it badly?"
"He broke up with him," Maya said with a sniff. "They've been together for like forever and he broke up with him and then then ended his friendship with me."
"That's not fair," Riley protested but Maya only shrugged.
"It's not like I didn't know it was a possibility," she admitted. "I just never thought it would get to this point. I didn't know it would escalate so much. It was just stupid letters in my locker. How could I know it would go so far?"
With that last emotive statement, Maya buried her head into the back of the teddy bear. Riley shot a frantic look at Farkle who, just like her seemed unaware of what they should do. Did she want them to touch her? Hug her? Usually she would just turn to one of them, and, as much as Riley wanted to, Smackle's earlier warning echoed in the back of her head. And so, she settled for just reaching out and, cautiously, put her hand on her knee, Farkle mimicking her. After a moment, she felt the bed depress again and she saw Smackle sitting there, worry plain on her face. Swallowing, Riley offered her her hand. Smackle stared at it for a moment, before gingerly taking it.
Maybe this was the best they could do for Maya currently, but at least, Riley hoped that she realised that she wasn't on her own in this.
Lucas's arrival the following day wasn't exactly unexpected, Maya thought as she watched her mother close the bedroom door behind her once Lucas had entered. Indeed, she supposed she had anticipated it, because she had made an effort to appear more put together than she had the day before. True she was still technically in pyjamas, but, sweatpants and an old tank top paired with a shirt that had seen better days over it in her opinion, was an improvement. She wouldn't say that her interaction with her friends yesterday had been a complete disaster – far from it. Riley had forgiven her for not confiding in her and collectively, they had all done quite a good job of reassuring her that she, at least, still had them by her side.
"So they sent in the Calvary, huh?" she said, as she sat up fully and set aside the yet unnamed bear that she'd been cuddling for the last few minutes.
Lucas nodded and set his bookbag down near to the door. "By the time Riley told me what happened I was sure you were sleeping. I would have called last night otherwise."
"It's okay," she reassured him. "What's that?" she added, gesturing to the brown paper bag he held in one hand.
Lucas crossed over to the bed and held it out to her. "I heard that your doctor prescribed you a course of chimichangas. I wanted to make sure you were taking them as you should."
Maya smiled at that and reached out to take it from him, wondering if it was ridiculous that she felt a kernel of happiness welling up within her at the small sign of kindness. "Sit," she invited, scooting over a bit. She opened and took out the treat while he settled himself on the bed next to her. It was still warm, she thought happily as she tore it in two before offering half to him.
"You're sharing?" he asked, surprised, even as he accepted it from her.
She didn't respond, and instead took a bite of it, humming in delight. Lucas was right; she was already feeling a lot better. She ate slowly, relishing it. He finished his half way before her, and when finally she popped the last piece in her mouth, she blinked when he offered her a handkerchief taken from his pocket. "You saying I'm a messy eater?" she asked, even as she took it.
"I'm saying that your mom probably has some really interesting pictures of you from your toddler days."
"Marinara sauce is meant to be worn," Maya quipped, causing him to chuckle.
It took her a moment to realise how comfortable she felt right now. There was none of the awkward tension she'd experienced yesterday, no hesitance on either of their parts. She wondered if it was because she could safely assume that Lucas was no more peeved with her than any of the others had been or if it had more to do with just him being who he was. She wasn't blind; she knew that despite Smackle and Riley's best efforts that it was Lucas who had managed to make her feel safe and thus comfortable enough to finally relax in the office. Lately, he was the one she felt most at ease with, and that final thought drained all merriment from her face.
"What is it?" Lucas asked immediately, picking up on her changed mood. "Tell me what you're thinking."
Maya sucked on her lip for a long moment, unsure of how best to respond. Lucas probably thought that she was thinking about the fight or even what she had discussed with the rest of them yesterday. But truthfully her mind had drifted to more personal matters, ones that she'd been trying and failing for the past few hours to deal with since she'd gotten Shane's texts. Her fears about losing her second group of friends so far had not materialised. Emily had called her later that evening once she'd found out what Liam had done and reassured her that he was simply being an idiot and to give it a few days. Alex had echoed similar sentiments, and surprisingly, unlike her, he didn't seem as upset by the turn of events.
She wanted to believe his reassurances by virtue of him knowing Liam longer but she couldn't. Unlike Alex, she knew and understood his desire to eliminate people from his life once they proved to be detrimental or untrustworthy and she knew that her actions had definitely fallen into that category. Even if he could forgive his boyfriend, she doubted that that consideration would apply to her. In that moment she had had a sudden deep feeling of regret as she wondered if Josh had gone through something similar when she had walked away from him. Shane's commiserations had only come today, and had served as a reminder to her that decisions had to be made on that front. She supposed that it was only natural that once she started dwelling upon that that her phone would vibrate with a message from the Texan telling her that he was on his way to see her.
"Is it okay if we talk about something not exactly related to the fight?" she requested tentatively.
Lucas shot her a curious look but nodded, adjusting himself so that they could more easily face each other. "We can talk about whatever you want."
"Even if it's about Shane?" she pressed. "Because you made me promise that I'd talk about our relationship."
"Did something happen?" Lucas asked seriously, instantly on alert.
"No, nothing bad," she hurried to reassure him. "It's just…before those guys showed up, Liam explained why Shane doesn't like you. Why he will never like you."
She watched Lucas' face carefully as she said it, trying to gauge his reactions. To this day, he had never revealed exactly what he and Shane had talked about, but all the clues were there for her to put together if she paid attention, and she finally had.
"And why is that?" Lucas returned, striving to keep his tone neutral.
In that moment, Maya felt her respect for him grow tremendously. Even now, when she had basically given him an opening to reveal what had happened, he was choosing not to, and she knew that that was because he didn't want to unnecessarily colour her opinion about her and Shane. No matter what happened, she knew that he would not try to influence her decision and she really appreciated that fact.
"Shane's parents had issues in the past," she said, trying to be vague enough to respect Shane's right to privacy. After all, he still didn't know that she knew the truth about his parents, and she wasn't sure he'd have appreciated her spreading it around even if he were aware of the fact. "Issues that basically eroded the trust between them for a very long time. My friendship with you reminds Shane of that, and it bothers him a lot. It's something that I think will always bother him."
"Unless you stop being friends with me," Lucas guessed his tone entirely unimpressed.
Maya swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "Exactly," she managed to say. "But I don't want that to happen at all," she hurried added. "It's why I want to talk to you about this before I talk to Shane because I need to figure out what the two of us can do first because I really do not think that there is anything I can tell Shane that would get him to change his mind about us."
Lucas nodded, accepting that. "What is it that you want to do?"
"We've had a bit of a rough patch," she told him, underexaggerating the situation, "and I suppose me lying about the letters has only compounded that. But that's not what matters right now. What matters is how selfish I've been about this entire thing."
"You're not selfish," Lucas rebutted immediately. "Maya, you're the most unselfish person I know."
"I'm really not," she returned with a shake of her head. "If I wasn't selfish I wouldn't be trying to find a way to salvage my relationship with all of you."
"Riley mentioned that," Lucas said. "She said you feel like you're torn between two groups. If I've contributed to that I'm really sorry."
"Don't be," she answered. "This is all my fault. My own selfishness had brought me here."
"Putting yourself first sometimes isn't selfish," he corrected. "Wanting to interact with more people isn't selfish. Maya, I know how much you've given up in the name of friendship and love so I don't blame you for trying to hang on to what's left. Please don't cheapen yourself by denying that."
She looked away at that as her mind threw her back to the subway and the moment she'd realised that she'd mistaken Lucas' intent. She had thought that he'd dismissed her reaction to it, or had long since forgotten about it, but his phrasing seemed deliberate, and she found herself swallowing again, this time against a sudden lump in her throat. Although it was hard to, Maya forced herself to simply push aside that entire train of thought.
"Shane doesn't necessarily see it that way," she responded. "You're a threat to him, and it's something I've known ever since he reacted so badly to me stuffing away the letter. I think he thought it was from you." She shook again as she recalled just how intense his reaction had been. She'd manage to defuse him but only through a lie that had now backfired royally on her. At the very least, she thought wryly, at least she had been hiding a bullying incident and not something more nefarious. "He's still upset about it now."
"It wasn't as if you'd told anyone about it," Lucas pointed out, and Maya couldn't help but feel guilty. Despite his best efforts, Maya detected a hint of censure in his voice.
"I'm sorry Huckleberry," she apologised, nipping at her lip as she looked at him. "I swear I won't hide something like that from you again."
Lucas stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Thank you," he said simply. "I can't protect you from what I don't know."
"But it's not your job to protect me," she reminded him.
"Then whose job is it?" he asked, quirking a brow at her. "Your failure of a boyfriend with self-esteem issues?"
"Lucas!" she gasped, surprised at the derision in his tone.
"I'm sorry," he apologised although she knew he didn't really mean it. "But what do you expect me to say? He was the last one there when you were hurt and the first thing he did was comment on me hugging you. I know he hasn't been to visit you yet and since you didn't mention him at all yesterday I'm thinking that today's the first day you've actually spoken to him since then."
"You can't put all of that on him," she explained gently. "I told him that I didn't want any visitors."
"And yet here I am," Lucas pointed out. "You didn't turn me away."
"Because it's you," she said exasperatedly. "I will never turn you away Lucas, and that is exactly why Shane doesn't like you, doesn't like us. That's why we need to talk Lucas. I have been very selfish. I've insisted on keeping the both of you in my life when I damn well know that neither of you like each other. I've been causing the both of you discomfort just because I want it all. But I can't keep doing this Lucas. I know you're willing to put up with Shane but he can't do the same. And since I like being someone's girlfriend I need things to change."
"Change how?" Lucas asked, his voice considerably more subdued now as he looked at her.
She sighed and raked her hands through her hair several times. "Shane will never accept us," she repeated.
"No boyfriend should ever expect his girlfriend to choose between him and a friend. Maya, I know my place. I would never begrudge the relationship you and Riley have with each other. He should be able to do the same."
"Except when Riley and I together he doesn't think we're dating," she said, her voice raising a bit in frustration. "A lot of people see it that way Lucas, even if you haven't realised it. There are people walking around Abigail Adams who think that we're a couple, not me and Shane, you and Riley. Shane's painfully aware of that, and it has him on edge, it always has. Shane lost me to you for homecoming Lucas. People watched him nearly kiss me on stage and still turned around and voted for you. His friends are always around looking at us and reporting to him. They're telling him all sort of things, that we're too close, that they don't hug him or sit so close to him all the time so why am I doing that with you? He watches us too and it raises his fears every time he sees us together. Just like so many other people Lucas he thinks that our relationship goes way beyond friendship and that's going to ruin my chances with him faster than anything I can do on my own."
"Is there something between us?" Lucas asked, and Maya felt as if she had been struck by a bolt of lightning.
Lucas was looking at her intently, speculatively and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't break her gaze even as her mind raced with how best to answer that. Because now that she had actually verbalised all of the things people had been saying about them she actually saw it. Hell, she and Lucas were alone in her bedroom right now, and although she had gently brushed off her friends' touch the day before, she was mere inches away from Lucas and still felt safe and protected. She cared for him, really cared for him, and she knew it wasn't like how she'd felt before the triangle had begun or even during it. It was a different feeling altogether – a huge difference – and she knew that if she dwelt on what that difference was she would fall into a rabbit hole from which she would never emerge.
"Don't ask me that question," she croaked out, forcing herself to look away.
"I had to ask," he said easily and she felt instantly relieved that he wasn't pressing the issue. "I'll remind you that my girlfriend – your best friend – has absolutely no ill-feelings about the way we interact with each other. You don't seem to have a problem with how we interact either and I definitely don't either Maya. Because, as far as I'm concerned, we're only doing what we promised we would at the train station. We promised to try to be friends again. We promised that you would give me the chance to earn your trust back and for you to prove that you can't bring out the worst in me. Should we break that promise?"
"I-"
"Because, I'll say again that Riley has no issues with us and we're both well aware of how she acts when she's jealous, even if she's trying not to show it. That's not at all the case here. And as for what people say, we've always been different. Farkle's the guy who's gone around for years declaring that the two of you will be his wives and yet Smackle's never minded. Riley spends more time with Farkle than me lately and I don't care. Hell, I'm glad for it because while Farkle's my best friend she gets him in a way I can never hope to. She probably understands him better than all of us, and I'm okay with that. So forgive me if I'm being stubborn Maya, but I really hope that you're not trying to tell me that you want us to end the friendship we've worked so hard to rebuild because of what a guy you barely know wants. I'm not afraid to say that what we have is way more important than anything he can ever hope to have with you."
"I know that," Maya said, her voice trembling. "That's why I said that I'm selfish Lucas," she admitted as she felt tears well up in her eyes. "Shane isn't as important to me as you are right now but I have to consider the fact that he may be someday. Wasn't it the same with you? I let you into my life, into my group of friends that hadn't changed since first grade. We hardly knew you and here you are with after all this time. What if it's the same with Shane? What if there's something he can add to my life?
"He isn't bad Lucas. He's great. He makes me feel wanted. He's the first person that promised to make me his number one priority, and I agreed to be his girlfriend because that is what I wanted. I wanted someone who'd say that they'd choose me before everyone else, who'd care for me and my wants first. He promised me all those things and I asked him to be my boyfriend with that in mind. And yet now when there is one thing I can do to return that favour, to prove that I'll prioritise him as well I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I'm selfish Lucas."
Lucas' expression crumpled and Maya found herself fighting back the tears that threatened to fall when he stood abruptly and ran his hands over his short hair, finally lacing his fingers together behind his neck as he walked to her window. She stared at him as he stood there, rigidly looking out. She was uncertain about what part of her statement had upset him, and, rather than risk increasing that, she reached out and pulled the teddy bear back into her lap for moral support, burying her face in it until she heard the shuffle of Lucas' feet. He was standing near the bed, looking down at her, and Maya's heart lanced at the sorrow in his eyes.
"This is my fault," he said, his tone sombre. "My indecisiveness sent you right to him, didn't it?"
"I don't understand," she admitted.
"You don't realise what you just said, don't you?" he realised sadly, rubbing his hand against his forehead. "Maya, think about it. You chose him because he promised to make you his number one priority. You chose him because of the triangle, because I made you share a spot with Riley. I sent you right to him."
Maya's eyes widened because when put to her in that way, she realised that he wasn't wrong. She wouldn't say that he was the catalyst of it – her father probably was – but yes, Shane's promises of devotion had indeed seemed like a breath of fresh air after weeks of forcing herself to awkwardly demanding that Lucas keep the scales balanced between her and Riley.
"You see it," Lucas deduced as he dropped heavily down onto her bed. He bent forward and hid his face in his hands for a while before finally turning his head enough to look at her. "I have so much to make up to you for."
"No," she replied shakily. "Lucas you don't. Things are different now between us, better. We both know that."
"Because now I'm finally stepping up to the plate like a real Friar man would."
"You've more than proven yourself to me Lucas. Please don't think I begrudge you anything. We're teenagers. We make mistakes and we learn from them."
"I'm older," he shot back. "I should know better. I should have handled the situation better."
"Age doesn't have anything to do with this," she replied. "Please don't blame yourself. I think that Shane and I getting together was inevitable, just like you and Riley were. It's just that in my case Shane was the one doing the chasing."
"What are we going to do then?" Lucas asked her. "How are we going to keep you in a relationship with him?"
"By compromising?"
"How?"
Maya sighed, trying to figure that out herself. "What he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?" she said, her tone musing.
Lucas frowned, trying to suss out her words. "You want us to hide our friendship from him?"
"I guess," she said, uncertain. "People seeing us together is the real issue. I don't want us to change, and neither do you. So, why don't we just not do that?"
"We're not doing anything wrong though," Lucas rebutted, straightening. "Our friendship is not some dirty little secret to hide."
"No, I don't mean that we should suddenly start acting like we don't know each other in school. Maybe though we can just keep the big moments to ourselves, like when we're like this or just hanging out with our friends who don't have an issue with it."
To her relief, Lucas didn't seem particularly against the idea; he was simply mulling it over. "Hasn't this week proven though that keeping things secret isn't necessarily a good thing?" he said mildly.
"I know that," she said, accepting the rebuke, "but I don't see a next option."
"I don't either," he admitted, "although I still don't particularly like this. Maya, you do realise that this is a short-term solution?"
"Maybe that's all the time I need," she replied. "I can work on showing Shane how wrong he is about the two of us and then we can start back being ourselves.
"I'm not sold on this one hundred percent," he told her honestly, "but if you think this is the best we can manage for now, then fine, I'll go along with it."