Life after Loss

Chapter 38: True Family

I am released from the infirmary a week after being admitted. But I don't go home. Not straight away.

Instead I am sat in the room my son is in, wearing some black leggings and one of Tobias' black jumpers, my hair in a messy bun. Watching. Waiting. Hoping. Holding his hand. Tobias is here, too. We haven't seen our friends/family all week. Once they found out they thought they'd give us some space. I don't mind. Right now I really only want Tobias, and our son… and Taylor. But she's gone.

Tyler's doing well. The nurses have said that he should be allowed home in at least a week, but no later than three weeks. But it still feels like an eternity. I just want to take him home, with us. And be his mum. That's all I want.

We haven't even been able to hold him yet. Our own son.

They took some of my breast milk to give to him since it will help him develop better and stronger.

My stomach is back to the size it was before the pregnancy. And the scar… whenever I see it all I can think about is Taylor.

Our family have gone out and bought a load of clothes and toys for him. Since most of what we had were girly clothes and toys. We're keeping the unisex stuff and putting the stuff that was meant for Taylor in the closet. I don't know why. Zeke told Tobias it was just in case we have a daughter one day, and so we can have things to remind us of her.

But anyways, instead of just wearing a hat and a diaper, Tyler is now wearing one of the onesies we have for him as well. It's one of the unisex ones that was meant for his sister, but it's okay. It's for him now.

We had our own little private funeral for Taylor yesterday. It was just me and Tobias there. She's buried just outside of Dauntless. In the middle of a patch of trees so it's more private. But before we were given prints of her hands and feet in a block of clay that has her name and date of birth/death on. We were also given some pictures and some other things. It's all in our bedroom at home. Tobias put them there when he went to go and get some more clothes for me to change into.

…

After visiting hours are over Tobias and I decide to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Not because we want to be surrounded by people but because neither of us are in the mood to make anything to eat right now.

Zeke's the first one to see us, and he jumps up, running over to us. He hugs me the way he did after dad died, the way he does when I'm ill or upset.

He holds me for a few minutes before leading me to the table everyone is sitting at. I sit between him and Tobias.

We eat in silence, all of us not saying a word.

But I like it. I like the silence. I know they're all going to be there for me, because they're my true family, and that's what family do. And I know that none of them are going to leave me. I know they will always love me.

And I will always be there for them. I will never leave them. And I will always love them.

Because that's what true family does. And this is my family.

For a while, after being adopted, I didn't think of them as my true family, yeah, they were a family, but they weren't my true parents, or true siblings.

But now I realise they are my true family. They are the ones that were always there for me. Not Natalie or Andrew, not even Caleb. I didn't even know about Ellie. But Hana, Zeke, Uriah, and everyone else… they're my family. Caleb and Ellie come into that, but they weren't there for most of my life.

After we've eaten mum asks if I want to go round to hers for a little while. I just nod. I need her right now. Tobias doesn't mind, so I give him a light kiss and follow mum out of the cafeteria.

As soon as we're in her apartment I break down, and she holds me, telling me everything's going to be okay. She holds me the way she does when I'm ill, or hurt, or upset, or when I have a nightmare.

She holds me until I cry myself to sleep.

Hey, sorry for the wait.

I will update again when I can.

Please review!