AN: Wow, you all knew pretty much what story I was referencing with that Omake. The story was Naruto: Magik by Thayerblue1! Check it and the rest of his/her stories out for a very good selection of reads. Oh, and Cyber Cookies for ALL!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or RWBY.
Veritas Aequitas
XXXVII: De Brief, De Parture
"Whisker Boy, for the hundredth time, I know that you're sorry. What I am angry about is that you haven't come back to Beacon," Yang said over the Scroll call.
Naruto grimaced and scratched the back of his head at his girlfriend's frustrated growl. He was currently sitting outside of the Commander's office, waiting for his team's debriefing to come to an end. They'd returned a couple of days after he was released from his strange underground prison, and in that time period, he'd had spoken with Yang over scroll, vid-chat, and shared texts. Every time they did speak – after he clarified that no his team hadn't dropped out of Beacon, but were hired for a job by Kon's Commander – she would bring up their return.
"I know, but this is a long term assignment and I wasn't exactly present to accept the mission." Naruto sighed. He rubbed his face when she huffed through the line.
"They shouldn't have been able to accept!"
"Yang, before we go out on one of these missions, hierarchy has to be determined by a team leader in case of a W.C.S. –"
"A what?"
"Worst Case Scenario," Naruto said. "I made Sasuke my second-in-command, and he wouldn't have taken this mission unless it was important. I can't tell you all of the details-"
"That's convenient." Yang muttered sourly.
"But," Naruto ignored her interjection and continued, "I can tell you that it is important. My hometown is in danger."
"You're a first year Huntsman, what difference could you make?!"
"First of all, ow. That hurt both my feelings and my pride. I expect a kiss to make it better. Secondly, you remember what my team did during The Breach, right?" Naruto asked pointedly. He leaned his head against the wall and cracked a grin. "Or are you still miffed that we blew up the square while your team only left a few dents?"
"Naruto, I'm being serious!"
"So am I, Yang." Naruto returned firmly as his grin slipped from his face. He looked forward, out the windows of the Commander's waiting room, to observe the sun setting over his birthplace. "This is our home, where we were born, raised, and trained. I'd risk it all to protect it and Beacon. Wouldn't you give your life to protect Patch?"
"...When you get back, I am so cashing in on our bet."
"Figured as much." Naruto sighed. He rubbed his hand over his face. "Any way I can talk you into a double or nothing?"
"Nope~!"
"Damn." Naruto groaned. He cracked a little smile when Yang laughed. At least she wasn't growling anymore. "So, anything happen while we've been gone?"
"Nora told me that she thinks Pyrrha's crushin on Jaune."
"Really?! Huh, I didn't see that coming."
"I know, right?" Yang snorted. "That's like saying Weiss has it bad for Kurama."
"Now that's funny!" Naruto laughed. "It's never going to happen!"
Kakashi stared across his desk at the three young men seated across from him. Two were his former students, who'd grown slightly since he last saw them, both externally and internally. The newcomer was from Kon's sister village and the protégé of a known and wanted assassin. Kakashi knew the boy's story already. He had known everything as soon as Ozpin sent him the team roster and, until very recently, his faith in Ozpin's decision hadn't been shaken in the slightest.
That being said, the three across from him looked shaken, sleep-deprived, angry, and anxious.
Kakashi watched them jump when Obito popped back into the room from the records building.
Most would've missed it, but some experienced Huntsmen and Huntresses would've seen the tensed shoulders, the hands moving quickly to or tightening around their weapons, and their eyes dilating in preparation.
Experienced soldiers, those who'd experienced horrors of combat that most modern Huntsmen and Huntresses likely never saw, would notice the rapid movement of eyes as they scanned the surroundings, the quickening of breath that came with the rush of adrenaline, and the slightest tremor or twitch somewhere on their body.
Kakashi and Obito shared a quick look, unnoticed by the three inexperienced teens. They were familiar with the signs because they saw it in each other every day. The deaths of their teammates, friends, and their teacher left wounds that no amount of counseling or bandages could heal. They just survived, day by day, living lives that could barely be called such.
Though the symptoms weren't as severe for the three, Kakashi could tell that they were not fit for any sort of field mission so soon.
What did they see to rattle them so much? The Commander wondered. He interlaced his hands and looked the three over again. Of them, one was more anxious to get this over with than the others. So Kakashi addressed him first.
"Walk us through what happened, Kurama."
The Fox-tailed Faunus' jaw flexed and he took a deep breath.
"Two days after our departure from Beacon, Obito Nohara, aka, Fire Shadow, approached us while our team leader was...detained." Kurama began. "Our mission was to investigate the disappearances that had occurred in Kon's Red Light District. We started with the reports and dismissed Grimm attacks as the cause simply because there were no signs of intense struggle and that whoever was reported missing was generally a member of Kon's Forces. We suspected that the disappearances were because of narcotic use to drug the victims and relocate them with possibly unreciprocated sexual intentions in mind."
"Basically, we planted a trap." Sasuke added. He ignored the dull glare Haku sent his way for the pun that Yang and Naruto would approve of. Kakashi arched a brow and Obito bit down on his cheek to conceal a chuckle. Team NHKS' second-in-command continued undeterred. "Haku went into the bar that was the location closest to or where victims were last sighted. Disguised, it didn't take long for drinks to be offered to Haku. However, due to how many were willing to buy him drinks, we couldn't isolate a potential suspect."
"And instead you risked giving yourself alcohol poisoning?" Kakashi asked, looking skeptically at Haku. The androgynous boy blinked, his face stone and void of emotions.
"I was never in any danger. I'm fairly familiar with poisons and antidotes. My mentor made sure of that."
Keep it up with that attitude and I might just start to like you, kid. Kakashi thought, while he stuck with his own mask to conceal his true feelings. The Commander looked back at Sasuke and nodded.
"It was around three in the morning Haku was affected by something," Sasuke said. He looked at Kurama. "Kurama noticed an abnormality with Haku's aura flow."
"Sluggish and rapidly weakening. He was drugged by something scentless." Kurama added. The Faunus tilted his head. "That or the sheer amount of bar stench in the air made it impossible to isolate the drug."
"And you call my keen eyesight bullshit." Sasuke muttered. Shaking his head, the young archer continued. "At any rate, once Haku was drugged, we waited for him to leave and get abducted."
"Without identifying the abductor?" Kakashi asked skeptically.
"We figured it would be too risky to try and get visual confirmation on the pickup." Kurama admitted. The Faunus cracked a small smirk. "And luckily for us, but mostly for Haku, there was no sexual intention that threatened his vulnerable state."
"I will tell Velvet you said that." Haku deadpanned. Kurama shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Velvet? Kakashi subtly arched a brow as he scrutinized the Faunus. Kurama got a serious girlfriend? Ooh, my inner gossip must know more. No, wait, that can come later, Kakashi. Stay focused.
"Considering that you're all still alive and had made it back in piece along with the missing others, would it be unreasonable to ask that we jump to the real discovery made?" Kakashi asked. The three teens visibly became serious and solemn. Any of the Commander's amusement from most of the story up until now had been lost. "Well?"
"...We discovered that Orochimaru had constructed an underground laboratory where he performed genetic experiments on humans to give them abnormal Faunus-like traits. Bastard already gave himself a reptilian make-over." Kurama growled. His hand tightened around his staff until his knuckles threatened to break through his skin. "It's several miles east of Kon, between the ruins of the Grasslands and Vacuo's Shame."
Between the Grasslands and – Dear god, I thought we had more time! We're not ready for any sort of attack! Kakashi straightened in his seat and narrowed his eyes. He glanced at Obito, whose lone eye was narrowed and his left hand trembled as it balled into a fist.
"Obito." Addressing his blood brother gained his attention immediately, despite the low volume he used. "Tell Naruto that we're going to be a bit longer than we thought and that his team will find him once they're finished. Then, head to the I.T. Department and send out a flock of birds to get a lay of the land."
"Took the words right out of my mouth." Obito nodded and stepped out of the room. There was a soft argument on the other side of the doors, likely between Naruto and Obito, which Kakashi mostly ignored. He instead closed his eyes to gather his thoughts.
"Kakashi, what's going on? Where is he taking Naruto?" Sasuke asked. His question unintentionally disrupted Kakashi's thought process. "Why was he even detained when we got here? Why-?"
"Sasuke!" The boy straightened when the Commander addressed him with a firm commanding tone. "Things are going to change very quickly in a very bad way. I need you stop asking questions, I need you to trust me, and right now, I need you to do one thing: Tell. Me. What. Happened."
~Days Ago – Orochimaru's Underground Lair~
After following his aura for a few days, Kurama and I found Haku in a holding cell outside the main lab and swiftly subdued the hired grunts that were fitting him with some sort of collar. I think they worked for the Huang family. Once Haku was freed and mostly sober, we ventured through the underground until we came across a metal door.
"Well, as if this wasn't cliché enough already," Kurama said flatly. He looked at the impromptu team leader and a red brow arched above his Pineley's. "And this belongs to the man you thought could make you stronger?"
"Kurama, do me a favor?" Sasuke asked while he pulled out Amaterasu and black arcs of aura danced along the blade. He stabbed the sword into the door and sent a shock through the system.
"Depends on the favor." Kurama grinned slyly.
"Shut up." Sasuke grunted as he turned the handle of his blade and then pulled Amaterasu from the door. The metal door then creaked open to reveal a dark room. Sasuke looked at his teammates, who looked back at him with bemused faces.
"Well, after you, fearless leader." Kurama offered, gesturing with his hand.
"What's wrong, Scaredy-Fox? Afraid of the dark?" Sasuke shot back.
"Nope." Kurama lowered his sunglasses and the small amount of light in the hallway made his menacing red eyes gain a small glow. "Best perk of Faunus-hood. I have built in night vision."
"I'm still recovering from being drugged." Haku deadpanned when Sasuke looked at him. The second-in-command rolled his eyes and sheathed Amaterasu, but kept his hand on the hilt.
"Times like this I wish the idiot were here. He makes a great meat shield." Sasuke muttered as he walked into the dark room.
"So true." Kurama wistfully sighed as he thought back over some of the quick post-prank escapes he and Naruto had made whilst growing up. He looked around and narrowed his eyes. "There's a light switch on the far wall."
"Then you go turn it on, Mr. Night-vision. We're not bumbling around in the dark for your amusement," Sasuke said dryly.
Kurama huffed. "Naruto would've done it."
"Naruto can take a point-blank shot from an anti-tank rifle and then walk it off. Considering we don't know what sort of traps are in here, we can't afford any risks." Haku pointed out.
"Killjoy." Kurama grumbled as he made his way over to the switch. "You take pride in killing all my fun? Just put all my fun in camps, why don't you? You freakin' Fun Nazi."
"...What's a Nazi?" Haku asked, looking at Sasuke. The impromptu leader shrugged.
"Some insult Kurama just made up," he said. Sasuke rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think it's a spin off of douchebag."
"Has he always made up insults on the fly, or is this something new?"
"Nah, he used to do it all the time. Now he only does when he's somewhat bored. We did have to watch you take free drink after free drink, you know."
"And I had to suffer the vulgar offers from the patrons."
"Ah, touché."
The lights flicked on and, after their vision adjusted, the three boys looked around the spacious room. Beakers, bottles and other signs of a mad scientist's presence were spread across multiple tables, with notes and formulas written along the walls. Kurama whistled lowly as he rejoined the group, his hidden eyes locked on a table to the left that had humanoid remains of the fresh sort set across it.
"I can't even tell if that's Human or Faunus. We got some real Dr. Jyde-ian shit going on here."
"Let's see if we can't find some more clues as to who is behind this and what they're up to," Sasuke said as he lead his team from the chemical lab to a door that had a plaque beside it. The plaque read: 'Sub-Level Two: Experiment Keep' with an arrow below the words pointing down. Opening the door revealed stairs that lit up with a flickering light.
"...Do you guys feel like you've seen this before in a horror movie, or is it just me?" Haku asked.
"Eve of the Walkers," Sasuke said.
"Slashed – The Cursed Campground," Kurama said.
"Thought so." Haku sighed forlornly. He looked at Sasuke. "After you."
"Have I already mentioned I wish that Naruto was here?" Sasuke wondered as he began his trek down the flight of stairs.
"Yes, because he has worth as a Meat Shield." Kurama nodded.
"Not to mention he's not afraid of anything that isn't a ghost or an angry girl," Sasuke said.
"What's wrong, Sasuke? You feeling a little scared?" Kurama teased.
"I don't get scared." Sasuke scowled. "I get unnerved. And right now, I am greatly unnerved."
"Whatever you say, Fearless Leader."
Sasuke rolled his eyes as they made it down the second flight of stairs and went through the door that awaited them. The light was already on and the room had more cages set off to the side. All of the cells were empty, save the last one. A lone figure sat within it, shivering lightly and muttering to itself. The figure wore a dirty straightjacket that had an equally dirty balaclava attached to it.
"Holy crap, we have a live one." Sasuke muttered as he and his teammates made their way over to the shivering form. A few steps into the room, however, and a yellow siren started to flash while an alarm blared. Two previously hidden metal doors were exposed as the walls that concealed them slid up. The three teens went on the defensive as vicious snarls and snorts came from the two doors.
"Remember how you said you wished Naruto were here?" Kurama asked as the bolts on the doors released and the metal hinges creaked softly. The animalistic sounds stopped and two pairs of heavy footfalls came to either door.
"Yeah?" Sasuke nodded, his voice low, and his hand tightly gripping Amaterasu's hilt. Kurama shifted Ri Kudo into its spear form and rolled his shoulders while Haku prepared Snowfall's rapid-fire mode.
"I do, too."
"...Oh, crapbaskets." Haku muttered as the two previously hidden prisoners stepped out of their cells. Both were bipedal, and possibly once Human or Faunus, but now they were more animal than they were either of the previous two species.
One was a rhinoceros with a sweat-stained tank top, camouflaged pants and combat boots that strained to remain around his feet. He was heavy-set, but filled with muscle. He snorted and wiped at his head, a good splash of sweat being sent to the floor.
"Ohh, man, how long's it been since we been out, Bop?"
The question was aimed at the other animal-man. This one was more like a tusked pig, like a Borbatusk but more human –
"Warthog." Kurama interjected dryly. "He was a fucking warthog, you dumbass."
"Piss off, Kurama. Excuse me for skipping out on Zoology One-Oh-One." Sasuke grunted.
"Don't worry, I know why you didn't go. You could've discovered what real balls looked like and felt the need to compensate."
"Fuck you."
"Fuck me? No, fuck you!"
"Boys!" Kakashi interjected firmly. Kurama and Sasuke looked away, the latter releasing a gentle cough into his fist before he continued recapping the train of events.
He looked like a warthog with a short purple mohawk that protruded from his head. A red leather jacket strained to fit around his torso's girth, with matching red sneakers and dark slacks suffering the same fate. Though he also had a fair amount of muscle visible on his form.
"Hell if I know, Rocky." The warthog-man, Bop, pulled out a pair of purple wraparound visor-sunglasses and used them to cover his small eyes. The rhino-man, Rocky, cracked his neck as Bop focused his attention on the three huntsmen in training. "But I think I know who to thank."
"Uh-oh! I don't recognize you boys. You know what that means, Bop?" Rocky grinned and punched his left hand into his right. The knuckles cracked on impact.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Snake Man said to turn any intruders back into Dust," Bop said with a laugh and a snort. He ran his hands over his head, straightening his Mohawk up as he did.
"Bringing the Mohawk back, huh? Good for you." Kurama teased with a raised thumb. Haku and Sasuke looked at him, which caused him to shrug. "Idiot's not here, and he'd say something stupid like that."
"Fair enough." Both Sasuke and Haku conceded. They raised their weapons defensively, Haku falling back to cover from afar.
"Hey, check it, Rocky! They got toys!" Bop grinned. He reached over his shoulder and tapped the handle of a metal bat. "We got toys, too!"
"Yeah, but thanks to the boss, We don't need 'em to kill you little pricks!" Rocky snarled as he charged forward. Kurama met his charge with a rush, his spear raised up at the ready. Rocky ducked under the extended polearm and buried his shoulder into Kurama's gut. The Faunus was driven back first through the rock wall.
Sasuke and Haku shared a glance before they looked at Bop. The warthog-man rolled his head and then held his hands up, beckoning them.
"Yeah, no." A twist of the wrist and Sasuke held Amaterasu in its bow form. "Frostbite!"
"Right!" Haku nodded and stepped back into a mirror. Bop snarled.
"Chicken shit-little-Hey! Careful with that, punk! You could've hit me!" The warthog snorted as he avoided an arrow fired his way.
Sasuke smirked and knocked back another arrow. "That's the idea, dipshit."
"Oh, it's on now." Bop snarled and stamped his foot before he charged. Sasuke smirked and his arrow sparked with black lightning. The arrow was released just as Bop jumped up with his left arm raised a good foot away from Sasuke.
In the recently made room, a dazed Kurama had been pulled onto Rocky's massive shoulders in a reverse fireman's carry. The rhino-man had wrapped his arms over one of Kurama's legs and around the Faunus' neck. Rocky pulled his arms in, thus overexerting Kurama's spine.
The Faunus reacted accordingly with a drawn out cry of pain.
"Heh! Little good that Faunus flexibility does for ya, eh freak?" Rocky jeered as he jumped around in a circle, driving his shoulders into Kurama's spine and bruising the areas he had his arms wrapped around.
It was to this sight that Haku popped out of his ice mirror. The former dark hunter apprentice silently made his way to where Ri Kudo had been discarded. He picked the spear up and whistled sharply to get Rocky's attention. The Rhino-man stopped his abuse of the Faunus, but did not let him go. Instead, he grinned and pulled down on Kurama, who groaned at his back's pain.
"Hey, cutie. Why not ditch the zero and get with the hero?" Rocky asked. Haku simply smiled and closed his eyes.
"Because for one, I'm a boy." Rocky's grin didn't change in the slightest. "And two, I don't like it when others hurt my friends."
"What this?" Rocky pulled again and Kurama's back let out a soft, but audible, pop. "This isn't anything compared to what I'm gonna do next!"
"I figured as much." Haku sighed. Quick as a whip, Haku spun Ri Kudo around in his hand and threw it at Rocky. The spear stabbed through Rocky's thigh and elicited a roar of pain from the rhino-man's mouth. Haku then pulled Snowfall up and whispered a single word.
"Frostbite."
Kurama, more than aware of the world around him, took advantage of Rocky's injury and pulled the arm around his throat up to his mouth. With a ferocity seen only in a cornered animal, he quickly sunk his teeth as deep into the rhino's forearm as he could get.
It was enough to force the rhino-man to release him in the form of a throw. Kurama landed in a roll and quickly righted himself. He spat the chunk of flesh he'd ripped out and grimaced.
"Barely broke through the fucker's hide, let alone his aura." Kurama growled as he rubbed at his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I will do the rest." Haku pulled the trigger of his weapon and held it down, the semi-automatic going full out as dust needles fired in bursts of six. The strangely colored gems quickly and effectively pierced through Rocky's torso. This continued until Snowfall was emptied entirely.
"Y-You think...You think this will...Stop me?! D-Don't you know...what I am!?" Rocky snarled. He pulled Kurama's spear from his thigh and discarded it to the side. The rhino-man began a weak limp forward, his body's movements restricted by the needles that pierced his skin. "I'm a juggernaut, bitch!"
"God, that line sounds so stupid. Fitting, really." Kurama smirked as he got to his feet. "Do it."
Haku nodded and released the trigger he still had pulled down. The needles imbedded throughout Rocky's body started to pulse and glow, which drew the bipedal rhinoceros to a pause. He looked down as well as he could at the needles.
"What the hell?! What's-What're you-What're you doing!?"
"Frostbite, dipshit. First it hurts like a motherfucker, then you'll feel nothing." Kurama grimaced and crossed his arms while Haku watched impassively. The Fox Faunus' tail flicked in annoyance. "Before the boom, tell me this: Were you Human or Faunus before the experiments done on you?"
Rocky sneered for a moment before he grinned. "You think I'll tell you? You think I'll tell you!? I ain't the brightest crayon in the drawer, but I'm not stupid enough to tell you jack shit, you filthy animal!"
"I'd feel insulted, if you weren't basically the toy of a man with the fetish for anthropomorphic animals." Kurama deadpanned. He lifted a hand up to shield his eyes as the needles burst with a massive explosion. After the smoke cleared, Kurama looked at Haku in disapproval. "Ice dust...Really?"
"We're in an enclosed space, I wasn't about to use the explosive Dust."
"Yeah, but...Really?"
"...Shut up." Haku grumbled as he stalked out past the frozen form of Rocky. Kurama followed him and plucked his spear from the ground as he walked by it. The Faunus paused to soak in the frozen form of the strange experiment.
"...If you really tried, I'm sure one day you'd make a great masseuse," Kurama said to his frozen foe. He walked out of the room and arched a brow while he sniffed the air. "What smells like charred dumpster bacon?"
"Better question, how do you know what that smells like?" Sasuke asked flatly from where he stood beside the cell that held the dirty prisoner.
"Touché, douche bag." Kurama sniped with a smirk as he shifted Ri Kudo back to its staff form. The three teens turned their attention to the captured man and frowned. Kurama spoke next, his arms crossed. "So, what do we do with him?"
"To make a long story short, we busted the prisoner out and hightailed it back here," Sasuke said. He watched his former teacher with narrowed eyes, the man across from him betrayed nothing, not that he ever did. If anything, Kakashi looked...disappointed.
"...That's it? That's how you decide to end your debriefing?" Kakashi huffed and crossed his arms. "How anticlimactic. If I were anymore a stickler for rules and regulations, I'd ask for written accounts in triplicate."
"But then you'd have to read all of the accounts, three times for each copy," Kurama said with a sly grin.
"Exactly! Which is why I could give two shits about written reports." Kakashi nodded sagely. He sat back and pulled his favorite book out. He cracked it open and waved the three boys off. "Good job! Go find your team leader and enjoy the rest of the day and tomorrow. The day after, I'll have something else for you."
"By your leave, Commander." Sasuke grumbled sourly as he got up and walked out. Kurama snickered while Haku kept a stoic face up, both nodding before they left the room.
As soon as the door shut, Kakashi looked up from his book. There was a glisten in his eye, a small gleam of pride radiating from his form.
Enjoy the peace while it lasts, boys. For it won't last long.
Of all the places Kurama, Haku and Sasuke could've found Naruto at, they certainly didn't expect to find him at a small, quaint tavern whose name had long since faded off the building, but started with an 'F'. The whiskered blond was in the midst of entertaining a few of the regular patrons and the barkeep with tales of Beacon Academy, only stopping when he spotted his team approaching. He then left the bar with a few good-natured jabs sent at him on account of his cliffhanger, before he met up with his team at a small table in the middle of the tavern.
"Before we start anything, just know that Yang wishes you all the sorest of black eyes," Naruto said cheerfully, the flush on his face showing he'd already had more than enough drinks to get him tipsy. He whistled at the passing waitress and raised his hand. "Bring round four mugs of the strong stuff, an' keep it coming!"
"Yes, sir!" The woman laughed as she filled the order. Naruto then turned to his surprised teammates and raised a brow.
"What?"
"Why are you in a rush to kill your liver?" Kurama asked bluntly. Naruto barked out a laugh, and slammed his hand on the table.
"Ah, that's a good one." Naruto wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm not drinkin' all of it! We're drinkin'! Together! To celebrate the Pervy Old Toad!"
A rousing cheer and raised glasses echoed in the bar following the blond's toast.
"Naruto, I think you're supposed to drink yourself blind before you sob yourself unconscious on a girl's shoulder," Sasuke said dryly. Naruto scoffed at him and gave him the bird.
"First of all, Ass, uncalled for! Secondly, like I said, we're celebrating the Pervy Old Toad. Not mourning. I did that already, and it's not fun," Naruto said with a small frown. He gained a grin as the tavern girl, who was blessed with a chest and a mighty booty, set the drinks before them. Naruto put a lien card on the table. "Thanks! Get yourself a drink or save it for another day."
"Sure thing, cutie." The girl winked as she slipped the card into her cleavage before she walked away with a sway in her step. Naruto paid it no mind, but Haku and Sasuke stared dead on at the action and then looked at the lightly flushed blond. Kurama arched a brow.
"...Okay, what did you do to make her so enthralled?" Sasuke asked. Naruto looked at his second-in-command as if he'd whipped out a trout and slapped the whiskered boy with it.
"Wha-? Dude, I have a girlfriend! And unlike your stupidly sexy ass, I am happy with just my Yangel. Even if you guys stole me away for some bullshit reason," Naruto said, grumbling the last bit to himself as he picked up the new mug and sipped down the drink. He put the mug down on the table and grinned. "Ahh, that hits the spot."
"So what brought up the sudden urge to celebrate Jiraiya?" Kurama asked, deciding to ignore the outraged-slash-jealous-slash-annoyed glare Sasuke was sending Naruto's way. "What, were you named his heir to lead a foreign land's military might?"
"...Whoa, Kurama are you Puh-psy-chick?" Naruto asked, his eyes wide.
"...Are you telling us that Jiraiya was the leader of a foreign land?"
"...I...don't know. Pretty sure I'm not allowed to, especially since I'm leaving tomorrow for training." Naruto squinted his eyes as the look in his eye darkened. The memory of Sun's ass for a grandfather calling him out was fresh in his mind. He looked up from the mug in his hands at Haku when the boy suddenly started to cough. "You okay, Haku?"
"I think I just drank liquid fire!" The androgynous boy rasped out between coughs. He raised his hand and pointed at his mug. "Something not as strong, please!"
"Pussy." Kurama, Naruto, and Sasuke scoffed before they each took a swig of their drinks. Kurama and Sasuke's eyes shot wide and they both suffered the same fate as their girlish-featured-friend. Naruto scowled around at his friends.
"Seriously? Ugh, you guys are so going to be screwed when I leave."
"Where-" Sasuke covered his mouth with a fist and then pounded his chest while he forced back the tears that bit at his eyes. Damn, that was liquid fire! "Where are you going?"
"To a galaxy far, far away, a long time ago..." Naruto said with wiggling fingers for added 'mystical' effect.
"You said it wrong again." Kurama deadpanned.
"Fuck you and your stupid sci-fi!" Naruto spat out with his tongue extended. "You only like Galactic Conflict because it promoted Faunus to more than secondary character roles!"
"Unlike your stupid racist Conquest of Dominion series!"
"You take that back! Conquest of Dominion is awesome!"
"And racist!"
"Well no shit!" Naruto snorted. "Humanity sucked when it came to that stuff! Totally fucked Faunus over! But that's not the focus of the series!"
"No just politics, violence and fucking!" Kurama snapped. He took another drink and shook his head. He would not succumb to the burn. "Although, it's still way better than the crap perv-boy reads."
"If you just read it-!"
"I did, and it helped me get through my preteens!"
"I-It is not juvenile!"
"Just horrendously immature."
"He's got a point there."
"I though we were talking about the idiot leaving! Why are we bashing on my books!?"
"Because that's way more fun," Haku said with a cheeky smile. He thanked the busty girl as she replaced his drink and leered at her departure. He returned his attention to the table when she disappeared around the corner. "And Naruto's not leaving for good, right?"
"No, man, like a week. Maybe two. Tops." Naruto nodded firmly.
"There, see?" Haku smiled at Sasuke, who scowled.
"...Fine...But no more ragging on my books."
"Not our fault you're a perv with a librarian fetish."
"Kurama!"
"What? It's not."
The four broke down into a heated debate over what was and was not good taste in literature, all the while sending good-natured barbs at one another. The next day would mean the brief separation of Team NHKS once more. For now, however, they'd enjoy each other's company and cement the strength of their bonds with one another.
AN: Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?! Well, it's been another year on this planet for me officially. Knockin' up the big two-three tree! Whoot!
And, before you ask, yes. I have a small omake. But the size doesn't matter, it's the quality.
NOTE: I do not own "Hobbit Drinking Song" – by Billy Boyd
OMAKE: CHIBI NHKS – A Fairly Entertaining Tale
"Okay, you sure you're up to this, Haku?" A flushed short and stocky Naruto asked. Beside him, an equally plastered Kurama sat, holding his mug while grinning eagerly.
"I am Vacoan, Naruto. Of course I'm up for this." Haku scoffed, slightly insulted by the insinuation. "It's not just a Kon thing. Every Vacoan does this."
"Damn straight we do! Because we're not just the outcasts of the world, we're the best that Remnant has to offer!" Kurama cheered. Sasuke kicked his shin under the table.
"Shut up! Lets do this, and start – in time!" the onyx eyed boy glared at his team leader, who waved him off.
"Yeah, yeah. Ready?" Naruto asked, grinning. The three boys nodded and waited for a moment before they began to thump their mugs to the table. The tavern quieted and the boys let out a unified chorus.
"Oh, you can search far and wide, you can drink the whole world dry! But you'll never find a beer so brown as the one we drink in our hometown!"
The patrons cheered their drinks as the four boys climbed atop their chairs and continued their drunk-induced song. The four pointed at nearby patrons as they continued with the next line.
"You can keep your fancy ales, you can drink 'em by the flagon, but the only brew for the brave and tru-u-ue, comes from the Grimm Dragon!"
They finished their lines and knocked mugs before they downed their drinks. Naruto hopped over to stand atop the bar and gained the attention of the crowd. He stomped his foot in rhythm that their audience soon matched with claps, stomps or bangs of their own, before he began to sing.
"Hey, ho, to the bottle I go, to heal my heart and drown my woe! Rain may fall and wind may blow, but there still be-e-e many miles to go!"
The tavern's occupants cheered as Naruto took a swig of his mug. Kurama hopped over to the bar to join Naruto, throwing his arm over the blond's shoulder.
"Sweet as the sound of the pouring rain, and the stream that falls from the hills to plain! Better than rain or rippling brook, is a mug of beer inside this Kook!"
Kurama finished his line and knocked his mug with Naruto's before he downed a swig of his own. Sasuke climbed atop their table and steadied himself before he continued.
"Strange and dark is the world outside, but in the pub we've naught to hide! With lots of ale and barley wine, this evenin' is surpassin' fine!"
Those with drinks in hands all cheered at Sasuke's lines, Naruto and Kurama included, as the last Uchiha downed his drink with a heavy gulp. Haku climbed atop a neighbor's table and grinned.
"Harvest's in and cold without, an' Huntsmen strong are Huntsmen stout! Naught to fear and naught to think, for Huntsmen now-w-w have ale to drink!"
The tavern roared in approval as Haku finished his line. The compact hero took a long swig of his drink before the whole crowd joined in to finish off the tavern song.
"The Sunshine lays right down to sleep,
To slumber long and slumber deep!
Hushed be Hunter, lass and lad,
With faces plump and faces glad!
A land of peace and a small dirt hole,
And a pouch o' Dust for us to roll!
Never Falter! Never Fear!
For Vacuo-o-o will always be here!"
Hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me,
Now you all know what I want to see!
RELOVETHEOGJOURNEY!