Chapter 38-Christmas Day-Part 1

The next day, I wake up early. Gerry is still asleep beside me. I can barely believe that I lead this type of life. With a fiancée, a baby, a two dogs. If someone told me that 8 or so years ago, I probably would have laughed in their face. I never, ever thought that I'd enjoy it.

One year ago, Gerry proposed to me. I smile as I reach for the small box that I keep my engagement ring in. I open it and slip it on. I check to see if Gerry's still sleeping. He is. I think that I'll take the dogs and Jessica out for a walk before the madness of the day ensues.

'Good morning, little one.' I smile as I make my way into my daughter's room. I lift her out of her cot and hold her close. 'And Happy Christmas.' I say, kissing her cheek. She smiles sleepily and wriggles a little.

With Jessica in my arms, I make my way to Gerry and I's room.

I sit on the bed next to Gerry. 'Wake up!' I whisper in his ear. At this, Jessica giggles.

Gerry rolls over to face us and smiles sleepily. "Good morning, Happy Christmas." He says. I lean over and give him a kiss. "One year ago." He grins. 'Since I made the worst decision in my life by deciding to marry you? I'm kidding.' I smile cheekily.

"I bloody well 'ope that you're joking!" Gerry says. "Can I give Jess a cuddle please?" he asks, sitting up. 'Of course.' I answer, handing her to him.

I can hear a whining at the door. 'Good morning, you two!' I grin, getting up and opening the door. Bella and Lucky rush in, tails wagging.

I make myself comfortable on the bed. Lucky jumps up as well, plonking himself on my lap. 'Hello, cheeky!' I laugh as scratch the top of his head gently.

"I think Jessica's hungry. Or grumpy. Or both." Gerry says. I look over to see Jess wriggling around in his arms, a scowl on her face. 'She's got 15 minutes before she's due to be fed! It's not 7am yet! Yes, she is probably grumpy because she's hungry. You know how grumpy I get if you're late back from work and you don't cook me dinner on time!' I answer, giggling.

"Er, yeah. About that. For your Christmas present, I'm going to give you cooking lessons." Gerry informs me, his face deadly serious.

'What! Are you actually joking?! But Gerry! Whyyy?' I whinge.

"Your face! I was joking!" he answers. 'That's mean!' I answer.

"Your reaction was priceless! Okay, I won't do that again, I promise." Gerry replies.

'You'd better not! Anyway, I have something to ask you.' I answer, feeling slightly anxious.

"What is it?" Gerry smiles, noting my worried expression.

'Well... could we go and visit the graves of James Jr and my Dad? It's okay if you don't want to come, I'll go on my own.' I tell him. He considers this. "I'd like to come. Have you got any flowers to lay on the grave or anything?" he asks.

'Yeah, I have.' I smile.

Half an hour later

By now, we've both got dressed and I've given Jess her breakfast.

'I don't fancy any breakfast...' I wrinkle my nose and frown.

"You have to have eat something!" Gerry says. 'I know, but I'm going to be eating a lot later, what with Christmas dinner and everything.' I reply.

"All right, why don't you get a banana or something?" Gerry suggests.

'Okay' I smile.

I install Jessica into her buggy and eat some banana and apple with some natural yoghurt.

"Ew, I cannot understand how you can eat that stuff! I'm goin' out for a cigarette" Gerry isn't too keen on natural yoghurt. 'For a pretty good chef you can be very fussy! And be quick about it!' I shoot back, standing up from my place at the table and dumping my dishes in the sink.

"Ready?" he asks a few minutes later. 'Yep.' I answer nervously.

'I can't do this. I feel scared.' We're at the gates leading to the church and graveyard.

"Yes, you can. Come on" Gerry encourages me. 'Since when did I become three years of age?' I ask as he opens the gate for me.

"Sorry" Gerry apologizes. 'That's alright, I was joking.' I smile.

"D'you know where the grave is?" he asks me. 'Sort of.' I reply.

I know my way around the yard, sort of.

'This is it.' We eventually come to a stop beside a large gravestone, and a small one.

'This James Jr's' I recognise the stone. It reads: "James Pullman: Much-loved and wanted son of Sandra Pullman."

My dad's grave is right next to my son's. I want to talk to him, I used to visit his grave a lot in my teens and 20s, but I got out of the habit years ago.

'Hi Dad, James. We've just come to say hello and Happy Christmas. Jess is doing fine, and I love you both very much.' I say, laying the bunch of flowers between the two headstones.

Tears are threatening to fall from my eyes, but I'm trying my best to stay strong.

"Yeah, Sandra's a great Mum. You'd be very proud of her, Gordon." Gerry adds.

'Thank you.' I smile in reply.

'Bye Dad, James. I'll come and visit you more often, I promise.' I say, and, with Gerry's arm on my back, carry Jess back down the graveyard path.