30 DAYS, A MARRIAGE

by Lady Memory

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit tribute to the works of J.K. Rowling, who created and, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and settings elaborated herein.

Many thanks as always to my readers and reviewers. Short chapter this time, but the next ones will compensate. :)

36 –The Heart has its Reasons which Reason Knows Nothing of

OR

The Reason has its Reasons which Heart Refuses to Accept.

His lips were warm and inviting, but the kiss didn't last for long. Their noses bumped against each other almost immediately in that first sweet but awkward attempt, and Severus drew back with a soft gasp of pain.

Hermione brushed her curls with her hand, recomposing herself and her racing heartbeats.

"May I have your wand?" she then asked quietly.

"Why?" he replied, looking frustrated and wary.

"It's clear that your nose isn't helping. And I would like to kiss you in the proper way."

His eyes opened in surprise, then warmed in such a tender expression that the girl felt her heart liquefy. Wordlessly, he handed her his wand.

"Epismendo," Hermione said, aiming the tip at his face. Severus shivered under the effect of the spell while his swollen nose magically returned to its usual dimension. He touched it with an uncertain expression, ready to react at the first sign of pain.

"You still don't trust my medical skills, I see," she teased him with a mischievous smile. This time, his arms enfolded her in a tight embrace while he kissed her longingly again.

…

Eventually, exhaustion and emotion exacted their toll, and they both swayed under the stream of such intense sensations. So, Severus took her to the nearest chair and sat down, pulling her onto his lap. Hermione settled herself and snuggled her head contentedly into the crook of his neck. They relaxed in silence, savouring the many sensations filling their hearts, his arms firmly wrapped around her as if he didn't believe that she was there with him.

And those, in fact, were the first words he was able to utter.

"I... I still can't believe it," he murmured, resting his head on her bouncy hair. "How can you possibly like me?"

That was exactly was the girl was hoping: a request to describe her feelings, as her heart was exploding with them and asked for a release.

"How could I not? You have all the qualities I look for in a man."

And, before he could stop her, she began to enounce them. "You are brave, you are honest, you are loyal-"

Severus stiffened and abruptly released his hold. Surprised, Hermione looked at him. His lips curled into his usual cynical expression, and he spoke in his typical hard voice. "Those aren't exactly the words people use to describe me."

She gasped in anxiety and tried to speak, but he continued, averting his eyes. "Not even a Hufflepuff would say what you have just said. And you aren't a Hufflepuff…"

She felt a new kind of emotion mix with her feelings, a sort of irritation joined by discomfort and followed by sympathy. Stubborn, insufferable, adorable idiot, always repressing himself! Yet, how to blame him for his lack of trust, after a life spent in deception? And, much more important, how to convince him now? Maybe using his own weapons? She tightened her lips and tried to sound as sarcastic as he had sounded.

"I have spent a whole month in your company. Don't you think that, at this point, I would have a completely different list of adjectives at hand if I felt I needed them?

Severus looked at her again, and the girl detected doubt, confusion, alarm, even shame in his eyes. She felt a huge wave of tenderness at those unmistakable signals, and her voice softened, letting her feelings transpire with every word.

"And don't you think that, at this point, I know better than to just rely on deceptive, irrelevant, unjust considerations?"

"Not as unjust as you may think," he sombrely said, and his arms loosened from their embrace even more.

Ah! Hermione thought sadly, her attempt had revealed itself to be a double-edged weapon.

"That is something you have already told me. Perhaps now you'll let me ask more about it?" she enquired softly, nestling her head under his chin. Again, Severus stiffened.

"As I said, you have the right," he replied in a bitter tone.

She looked at his tense face with a pang in her heart. "But I won't, if this is going to pain you."

"I'm used to pain."

"But I'm not used to inflicting pain on people. And I don't intend to get used to it." Hermione kissed the rough skin of his cheek, murmuring, "Especially where you are concerned".

Severus inhaled sharply, and she could feel the tension in his body. "Then please ask," he whispered hoarsely. "I don't want to keep secrets from you any longer." His voice dropped. "And I won't object if you should feel disgusted and… and reject me in the end."

"Never!" she exclaimed and tightened her embrace. His arms didn't return it, and she felt empty. And even more scared. What was happening? What was troubling him so much? The girl paused, trying to remember what he had told her just a few days before.

"You said you were bound to a secret that was not yours," she whispered, resting her head on his chest.

"There are no more secrets now that the Dark Lord has disappeared," Severus replied in the same soft tone, but with that bitter note so fearful to her.

"He might come back, Dumbledore said."

"I'm damned anyway."

The girl startled and raised two anxious eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "My life has been doomed since the beginning."

"Why? What did you do to bear such a fate?"

"I… I loved." He stared back at her with a painful, challenging look. "But, as the Dark Lord would say, love failed me."

His head lowered in surrender. "Or perhaps I should say that I failed love."

Hermione kissed him again. "Please tell me," she whispered, putting all her trust in those words. "I won't fail you. I promise."

His shoulders slumped and he began to speak.

…

Hermione listened in silence, and when she raised her head again, there were tears glittering in her eyes.

"His mother…" she murmured. "Harry's mother…"

His evident suffering was giving even more intensity to her feelings. Yet, strangely, her pain for the tragedy which had happened in the past was much less stinging than the jealousy biting her heart at seeing how much he still loved the girl of his youth.

But Severus saw only the tears, and his knuckles whitened. "I told you that you would be disgusted."

He tried to disentangle himself from her embrace, and she felt her heart panic. Impulsively, she hugged him even more tightly.

"Don't," she murmured, wishing she could be older and wiser to be able to find the magical words that would heal him forever. "Don't keep torturing yourself. You didn't know, you couldn't know. And you have paid your mistake with a whole life."

His eyes were blank, and his arms still unresponsive. "A whole life may not be enough…"

"Severus," she said, kissing him and feeling a delightful thrill as she called him by his given name. "It's time to let it go. It's time to be forgiven."

"Who's going to forgive me for what I've done?"

"I will!" she said passionately. "I will, because I love you and I want you to be happy."

…

The author relaxed, crossing her arms and leaning back on her chair. Finally, things were proceeding well, very well. She gave an affectionate look at the couple, who were plunging more and more animatedly into a discussion where myriad feelings were powerfully arising and exploding like fireworks.

"You are only a child," Severus was repeating, but the author could easily perceive the undertone in his voice. He was desperately hoping to be confuted, and in fact the girl was counteracting bravely, reddening in the effort. The matter was becoming too private to be reported by her quill, so she raised her eyes and stared at the ceiling with a contented sigh, letting only fragments of their dialogue reach her ears.

But that happy state obviously lasted only for a few moments.

"You should believe me," Hermione was protesting heatedly (and the author nodded in agreement, still looking at the ceiling) when a loud knock at the door was heard.

The author frowned. Who could be interrupting her deserved joy in such a damned untimely manner? Unfortunately, she had a very vivid idea of the possible intruder. She cast a regretful glance at the couple. Severus was standing in the room, arms crossed and an obstinate look on his face. Hermione was pacing around him, exposing her reasoning as vehemently as she used to do with Harry and Ron. The author smiled fondly.

The knock was repeated, louder and somewhat irritated. She snorted.

"I'm coming!" she announced sharply to the door; then she walked to open it. She had to lift her eyes to welcome that tall, inopportune visitor.

"Professor Dumbledore," she said politely, glaring at him. The great wizard glared back.

To amr: thank you very much for your many interesting considerations. I appreciate honest criticism, and I know that my story is far from being perfect. I'm however glad to see that you keep considering it "engrossing" in spite of its flaws. :)

I'm sorry that you are not a registered reader because I would have liked to chat directly with you. You seem to be a very intuitive person, and I'm sure that discussing with you would be a pleasure.

Now, you have been asking for answers. But... Don't you know that "The Obligatory Scene In Which All Questions Are Answered" is always in the last chapter? ;)

However, you are lucky. A lot of what you have asked will be answered in the next chapter, which is not the last. At the moment, I can only tell you about the sweater, because I'm not going to mention it anymore in what follows. Yes, Severus used her sweater after Christmas, but he took it off when Lucius entered the cottage. And from that moment, he had no chance to put it on again.