SONG: Kings of Leon - On Call

Chapter 38

Helpless

EPOV

Fuck.

Tanya Denali was back.

And although there was no way I was going to let Bella know this, a feeling of dread started gurgling at the pit of my stomach. Why was she back so soon? Why did she have to come back now, just when Bella and I were getting somewhere in our relationship?

I knew I was fucked from the moment I walked into class and spotted her fake tanned form sitting next to Jessica.

I had lied to Bella when I had said that Tanya hadn't even looked at me.

I had come in and sat down, totally dumbfounded that she was back, and glanced over at their desk, just to make sure that I was seeing correctly. She had looked at me then, her green gaze locking with mine, a small elfin smirk slowly spreading across her face as she waggled her fingers at me. Jessica had giggled next to her. Then she had turned her face away from me and continued her conversation with Jessica, not glancing at me again for the duration of class.

What the hell had that smirk meant?

What the hell was that look she gave Bella that creeped her out?

And what the fuck was she doing back?

After I had managed to appease Bella a little, telling her to forget about Tanya, trying to convince myself as well as her that Tanya couldn't do anything to our relationship, I had dropped her home and returned to my room, laying on my bed and pondering. I still couldn't shake that nagging feeling that something was up, that something wasn't right.

The next day at school was pretty normal. Tanya was there again but she didn't glance at me all day, and I guess she didn't bother Bella either. Lunch was the same, with Rose, Jessica and Tanya sitting on a different table from us again, which was a huge relief.

Bella came over to my house after school again, and I was kind of hoping we could pick up from where we had left off yesterday, after Esme had interrupted us. Bella seemed like she was ready to take our relationship to the next level, and as long as she was certain that she wanted to; then I was cool with it. More than cool with it in fact. In fact, I'd been ready for ages if my aching balls were any indication.

Esme wasn't home, thankfully, she was out, probably looking at wallpaper samples and colour palettes, as she wanted to redecorate her and Carlisle's bedroom. Rosalie was in her bedroom, doing whatever she did in there, and Jazz had taken Alice out. So Bella and I basically had the place to ourselves again.

We went straight up to my room, not wanting to waste any time in the living room, and we just lay on my bed a while, listening to music. Bella was lying on my chest while I was lying on my back, running my fingers through her silky hair and humming along with the music. I was horny as fuck and dying to kiss her, but I wanted to go at her pace. If she had changed her mind about having sex then I didn't want to pressure her into doing it. I would wait for her to make the first move – even though my dick was rock solid, throbbing almost painfully against the zipper of my jeans.

She wriggled closer to me, sighing, and bringing her hand up to stroke my chin which had started to grow a little fuzz – a fact that I liked very much. Bella seemed to like it too, seeing as her hand was constantly stroking it. I felt like a puppy when she did it, with my dick being my tail, twitching in my pants. Her hands felt so good on me, I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt the bed shift as she turned over, lying on her stomach instead; her little hand still caressing my stubble.

I opened my eyes to look at her and she was staring back at me, looking so fucking sexy at that moment that my dick felt like it was going to eventually break through my pants. That was how hard it was straining against them. I held back a groan and reached down to adjust it a little. Her eyes followed my hand and widened slightly as they settled on my very obvious erection. I counted the seconds for the blush to appear and only got to five, when her cheeks began to colour, spreading over her whole face rapidly and then down to her neck.

I grinned.

She looked back up at me, her lips pursed as if she was thinking about something.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her.

She bit the side of her lip, and my eyes zoned in on the moist, pink, flesh, looking so soft, so full. Looking like they would fit perfectly around a certain part of my anatomy...

Fuck.

I was being a fucking perv, my mind completely buried in the gutter. I really wished that she hadn't gotten it in my head that she wanted us to have sex because it was all I could think about. I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. She was so goddamn sexy...

"Did you hear me Edward?"

I snapped out of my dirty thoughts and blinked at her. I hadn't heard a word she'd said.

She sighed and rolled her eyes when she realised I hadn't been listening.

"I said, I was thinking that...maybe I'm not ready yet...to...you know...have sex."

I wasn't surprised to be honest, a little disappointed but not surprised, I mean, if she really wanted to do it then I wouldn't have just been lying on my bed for half an hour with a raging hard on. I would have probably been inside her by now, inside her wet, warm, tight, oh shit she must be really tight. It would probably feel so good...

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I snapped out of my fantasies once again and grinned at her sheepishly.

"Sorry baby. And it's ok if you're not ready, I mean, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. I can wait for as long as you want."

My hand went to her cheek and I ran the back of my fingers along her smooth skin, caressing it softly. Her eyes fluttered closed and she sighed, shifting closer to me and lifting her leg and placing it on my body – right on my hard on.

I clenched my teeth and sucked in air, my eyes closing at the sensation. I heard her gasp and she moved her leg off me again – brushing her thigh against my manhood as she did. I let out a low groan, my teeth still clenched.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

I opened my eyes to see her face flushed once again and couldn't help smiling at her.

She sighed. "I feel bad now."

"Why?" I questioned, my hand still lazily caressing her cheek.

She glanced back down at my crotch.

"Well...because you're...hard and it must be annoying not being able to...you know...release."

I chuckled even though it was kind of true.

"It's not your fault baby; you don't need to feel bad. Ok, well, it is a little, seeing as you're so sexy, but you can hardly take the blame for that." I smirked, knowing what was coming next. I said it on purpose because I knew it would happen.

And sure enough, her face was scarlet again. She looked down, her hair falling over her face and onto my arm, tickling it. I brushed her hair back from her face, scooping it behind her neck, and gazed into her eyes for a while. She gazed steadily back at me, her face never losing its blush.

"So...are you going to kiss me today or what?" I whispered.

She moved up the bed so her face was closer, and leaned down, her lips puckered as she planted them to mine. Our lips moved together, languidly at first, my lips slowly sucking on her plump bottom lip, my tongue running against it, tasting the cherry flavour of her lip-gloss.

Of course, we couldn't remain at that pace for long, not in my current state of arousal, so after a while I lifted her hips and pulled her on top of me. We continued our kissing, growing more urgent, our tongues stroking and clashing, our lips sucking each other fervently. My hands were on her ass, gripping it tightly as I shifted my hard on in between her legs. She started rubbing herself along my erection, her heat radiating crotch grinding against me roughly and my eyes rolled back in my head a little.

"Oh God Bella," I groaned, my voice coming out low and gravelly against her mouth. "You sure you don't want to?"

She moaned as I brought my lips down to the base of her neck, my tongue darting out and licking it, moving around in circles, my breathing heavy against her, causing her to tremble slightly, but she shook her head minutely.

We continued making out, our mouths moving faster still, our hips grinding against each other quicker, rougher, and I was just about to unzip my jeans to at least give my poor aching dick a bit of relief, when my bedroom door flung wide open.

I hadn't locked it because I wasn't expecting Esme or Carlisle back for ages. Bella and I froze, although we didn't move from our position, and our heads darted simultaneously to the open doorway.

To find Tanya standing there.

I heard a small gasp from Bella and I glanced at her to find her slack jawed, her face still flushed as she stared at Tanya.

I had gotten over the initial surprise of having Tanya Denali interrupt my make out session with my girl, and was now boiling with fury. What the fuck was she doing?

"Oh shit!" Tanya slapped her forehead lightly. "I'm so sorry guys, I thought it was the bathroom." She grimaced and reached for the doorknob, "didn't mean to disturb you. Sorry!"

At that she slammed the door and we could hear her footsteps along the hall.

I was fuming even more at her words, my face in a deep scowl as I gently pushed Bella off of me. She rolled off to the side and lay on her back, still panting slightly, her brows creased and her tell tale pout reappearing, telling me that she was mad as well. It was clear as day that Tanya interrupted us on purpose. She knew perfectly well where the bathroom in the house was, I mean, she was Rosalie's best friend for fuck sake, and she also knew which door was my bedroom. I wasn't aware that she was even in the house in the first place. I should have locked my door.

I swiftly got off my bed, straightening my t shirt and jeans and running my hand through my hair before striding over to the door and ripping it open.

Bella sat up quickly. "Where're you going?" She asked, looking confused.

My jaw was clenched as I answered her. "I'm going to see what that fucking bitch's problem is."

"No, Edward just –" Bella started, but I didn't wait for her to finish.

I raced down the stairs, hurrying through the den to the back of the house where Rose's bedroom was. I banged on the door furiously until it swung open and an irritated Rose stood before me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Edward?"

I looked past her to find Tanya lounging on her bed nonchalantly, a magazine held in her hand as she looked back at me in what was supposedly a look of surprise.

I struggled to push past Rose but her arms were blocking the doorway, and would not budge.

"Are you crazy?" She cried, "Get the fuck out of my room!"

I let out a breath to calm myself.

"Look, Rose I need to speak to Tanya."

Rose looked at me incredulously. "No fucking way, you messed her up once and you think I'm going to let you do it again? What the fuck is wrong with you Edward? Are you that much of an ass? She's moved on from you and plus, you have a girlfriend and you're trying to get your paws on her again? Can't you leave her the fuck alone?"

I closed my eyes and sighed in frustration. Damn Rose and her fucking know it all self.

"Rose you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Like I'd want anything to do with her."

"Then why do you want to speak to her Edward?"

"Why are you getting in the way Rose? This is none of your fucking business!"

"It's my fucking business if you want to come in my room!" She yelled.

I exhaled noisily and shook my head, knowing that I wasn't getting anywhere with this.

"Just tell your friend to stay the fuck away from me and Bella." I said, loud enough so Tanya could hear. "You got that?" I called, looking over Rose's shoulder at her.

She stared at me a moment, and then the smirk once again appeared on her lips, the smug, impish smirk, and the rage built up in my chest once again. She was up to something, just like I had guessed, just like I'd sensed as soon as I had known she was back.

"Just leave it Edward." Bella's soothing voice calmed me a little and I turned to find her standing behind me.

We made our way back up to my room and got back on my bed. She rested her head on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She whispered, "Are you?"

"Now I am." I replied, kissing the top of her head.

I drove up to Seattle on Saturday morning, not really wanting to go and leave Bella, but I needed to see my mom. I arrived at around two in the afternoon to find that she still hadn't emerged from her bedroom. The house was clean and tidy, and the cupboards were well stocked as usual, but I was alarmed to see the amount of booze bottles littering the place. The kitchen counter was full of half filled and quarter filled bottles, the trash was filled with empty bottles, and the cupboards were packed full with unopened bottles.

This was not good. This was so fucking far from good that I was scared to go in her room, scared to see what state she would be in. Lucky for me, she came out a little while later, as I was emptying out the remaining bottles of alcohol in the sink and filling another trash bag with the empty bottles. She came and stood in the kitchen doorway and watched me silently, not saying a word.

I was fucking pissed, and even more so when I took in the sordid state she was in. Her hair was a dishevelled mess, limp and greasy as it stuck to her forehead. It looked like she hadn't washed it in days. She was pale, and had grown even thinner in my absence, so thin that her collarbones were jutting out unflatteringly. She was in her silk dressing gown, though it looked like it needed a wash too. Her eyes were dull, dark circles outlining them, and her lips were dry and equally pale. I brushed past her to take the trash out, and was floored at the stench of booze emanating from her.

After leaving the trash bags outside, I went back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, folding my arms across my chest. She hadn't moved from her spot in the doorway.

"You're drinking again mom." I stated after an awkward pause. "Why?"

She sighed deeply and shrugged her frail shoulders, her head bowed. "I don't know Edward."

I fought to remain calm. There was no point in shouting at her; it would only lead to her drinking more. So I took a calming breath and looked at her.

"You look a fucking mess mom. Go and take a shower."

Obediently she turned and made her way up to the bathroom.

I was back to being the fucking parent. It wasn't fair. Why was she doing this? Didn't she want to get better? Couldn't she even be bothered to try?

The phone rang and I hurried over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, can I speak to Ms. Elizabeth Cullen-Masen?" A female voice asked.

"Erm, she's kind of occupied at the moment, can I take a message?"

"Are you her brother? Carlisle Cullen?" She questioned.

"No, her son actually. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Well...I'm Dr. Susan Collins, your mom's therapist from the Springwater Clinic. Your mother hasn't been to her sessions in over a month. We have called her repeatedly but have received no answer, we've left messages but she doesn't respond to them, and we've even had a nurse come over to see what was going on but your mother refused to open the door."

"What?" I was immobile with shock as her words rang through.

"Do you have any idea why she hasn't been turning up? We haven't seen her in well over a month now."

A month? But someone had come over to pick up the pancakes, they had seen her then and that was less than a month ago.

"But what about when someone came to pick up the pancakes for the special breakfast you guys were having? I mean, that was less than a month ago." My stomach was in knots as the feeling of dread returned tenfold.

"I'm sorry?" She sounded puzzled, "I'm afraid no one from the clinic has been able to reach your mother in over a month. Could you please try to convince to come to her session, there is one booked in at four today."

I swallowed thickly, the horror rising up from my stomach to my neck.

"Ok, I'll do that. Thanks Dr." I hung up quickly before she could say anything else.

My mom was having a major episode.

She hadn't been to her therapy sessions, she'd been drinking again, which meant that she was depressed, and she had probably stopped taking her meds. And that time during Spring Break when she was making all of those pancakes...I knew there was something off about her. Why the fuck did I believe her lie? Why didn't I make sure that she was taking her pills? Maybe I'd wanted to believe her so badly, that I'd failed to recognize the signs. I felt so stupid. I knew the fucking signs. I had read everything I could possibly find on Bipolar Disorder when I'd found out my mom had it. I knew what signs to look for, and yet I'd not taken notice of them.

She came down the stairs then, looking halfway decent, her hair in a damp ponytail down her back. She was wearing a sweater that looked to have been my dad's. It was huge on her, especially now that she was practically skin and bone.

I had no idea what to do, no idea how to fix this mess. I couldn't physically force her to take her meds, or to go to her therapy. How could I leave her alone now that I knew what she was doing? How the fuck would I be able to go back to Forks and leave her here, like this?

The tear had trickled down my cheek before I even realised.

"Why mom?" I asked, my voice cracking with emotion, "Don't you want to get better? Don't you even care anymore?"

She stared at me blankly and sighed. "Honey, I'm tired."

When she couldn't even muster up enough strength to show emotion, I knew she was bad. This was extremely bad. This was how bad she'd gotten before...

She went over to the couch and slumped down on it, not saying another word.

More tears trickled down my face involuntarily as I watched her, childhood memories flooding me until they became too much. I couldn't handle this anymore. I picked up the phone and dialled quickly, my vision blurred from the tears that were still coming.

The voice on the other end was a relief, even if only a brief one.

"Uncle C," I whispered shakily, "I...I need your help. It's...its mom."

Author's Note:

Hey guys, sorry I took quite long to update, I had my first bout of writers block for this chapter. I still don't think it's great but it's the best I could do with it at the moment. Hope you like it. Please review.

Savannah-Vee