Rose Hathaway's Point of View

I could feel everyone's eyes on me—as much as I told myself that it was all in my head. I didn't pretend to not know why. To everyone, I was a walking time bomb—always have been. Only so much time could pass until I blew up or until I gave in or lastly, until I broke. I'd given everyone a reason to stare. I was unpromised, like Denis had said. It'd been a difficult fact to accept, especially after I'd been forced to see these people to be similar to me—to see them as a place where I clearly belonged. In battle, I'd seen these people as my brothers and sisters…and they had respected me. After all of this time, I'd finally gotten respect; respect from other people—the people who had raised me and from myself.

We are your family! You're a part of us. You're like us. You're unpromised.

I was unpromised. Since the moment I'd decided to leave, to leave Court, to leave the guardians, to leave Lissa, Dimitri, and everyone else, I'd known that, but didn't believe it. Surely I belonged here, surely I was a guardian. It made no sense for me to stand out, yet I always did, everywhere I went. I stood out against the background of my world; I stood out in a breath of blood and sweat, of injury and loss. Because I was not a guardian. I was a rogue Strigoi-killer. I was unpromised. I would always stand out, even against a backdrop of my own kind, of my world.

Yeah, I am. But I wasn't supposed to be. Don't you get it, Denis? I was supposed to grow up and graduate and be a guardian—be Lissa's guardian. I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to get the best of both worlds—Dimitri was supposed to get reassigned and we were supposed to be together. We were supposed to make it work. I was supposed to go to Lehigh with Lissa and then come home—home, Denis. Come home to Court and home to my family and home to Dimitri.

It was all a little girl's plea to get back the world she knew before. To get back the world I knew before. It made no sense…I could fight. A part of me believed in what guardians did. Yet… a part of me believed in what I did to. But I wasn't supposed to be. I'd been raised to believe that we were supposed to be guardians; it was the only way to ensure that our race survived. Did I still believe that? Really?

Yes.

I believed that we had to do it, that it was honorable. I believed in killing Strigoi. Hell, I believed in saving Strigoi. Yet…I also believed that Moroi like the Queen took us for granted.

I was supposed to be happy. Happy. What did that word really mean? Did it mean the same thing it had meant two years ago?

It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

"Hmm?" Dimitri asked.

"Oh... Just thinking out loud," I answered, smiling at his concern, at his brown eyes and the way they watched me.

"About…?"

"Me. You. Us. Everything. I was just thinking that it wasn't supposed to be this hard."

Dimitri took my hand, glancing over at me. "If you could do anything…go anywhere, have anything, what would it be? What would you do?" He asked, voice all sorts of wonderful. Yet.. it was sort of wistful, too.

Lissa glanced over at me, wanting to hear my answer. I thought about it for a second. What would I do? Really? "If it were up to me, we'd all be on some tropical island right now. You, me, Liss, maybe even Sparky if he's nice to me, everyone. No Strigoi, no stuck up royals… Just all of us and some sweet sights and good cable." Neither Lissa nor Christian seemed to be offended at me bashing royals.

We all laughed at that and laughed even harder when Christian glared at me playfully, sticking out his tongue and muttering something uncomplimentary. I felt Lissa through the bond, felt her wish that we could have that. No worries… just each other. The people we cared about.

She suddenly laughed as thought appeared in her mind. "I think you'd be bored. Even with cable. You always need to be doing something." It was a miracle that after all of this time… she knew me. She got me more than even I did sometimes.

I faked hurt. "Are you saying that I have a short attention span?"

A ghost of a smile flickered across her lips. "No. I'm saying that there's a fire in you that drives everything you do, that makes you need to better the world and those you love. To stand up for those who can't. It's one of the wonderful things about you," she answered, voice kind, matching the emotions coming through the bond. I linked my arm with hers, smiling. I'd missed her so much.

There was also something mischievous flowing through the bond—a surprise. I didn't look deeper, lest I ruin it.

"I love you guys," I finally said, breaking the comfortable silence. "Even you, Chrissie."

And I did. I loved them. I loved that it almost felt like I'd never left.

But I had. And now… had to deal with it.

I hated that I'd hurt Lissa, hated the pain I'd put us both through, even if there had been no irreparable damage. I hated that I'd lost time with Dimitri, precious time, though I knew in the end it had been best. I hated that I'd ruined my chances of ever having a great career…of being Lissa's guardian. That I'd lost the future I'd planned for all of my life.

Yet… I'd said it before and meant it: I loved my team. I loved that they'd took me in—that they'd taken in a broken, eighteen year old rogue guardian, one that was immersed into a country of foreign language and culture, one that was…lost. And I had been and until I figured out what I was going to do, I still was.

Lissa took my hand, squeezing it tightly. Don't ever leave me again.

"I've got no plans," I whispered to her. And I meant it. We wouldn't endure this kind of separation again. I might have to return to Russia, but there were phones and webcams and a million other things that ensured that in some way we'd be together.

If Dimitri couldn't do what I asked, I'd go back. I wasn't stupid. There was no way he and I could both remain at Court, no way we could just be friends. I will always love you. I'd meant that, too. I would always love Dimitri. I would never be able to move on, to love someone else. And in the same way, I knew that he'd never stop loving me, no matter the distance between us. I knew that I wouldn't ever leave him entirely behind. Like I'd said earlier, there were phones in Russia. We could be friends like that…but being around him all the time? Looking in those eyes?

Being that close to him, trying to ignore the electricity, the fire and gold between us…that would be too painful for me. Being so close to what I knew I couldn't have… and vice versa. There would be no way we could do it, and I knew that if we gave in, we'd only receive more pain. I stuck by my words, even though I hated them with a passion that had a good chance of swallowing me under. If Dimitri couldn't be happy with himself, there was no way in hell he could ever truly be happy with me.

Dimitri leaned over to kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear, sending chills throughout my body and a flush into my cheeks. "You are so beautiful. So beautiful, it hurts me sometimes."

He'd said that to me before and it sent a similar thrill throughout my body even now. "You aren't so bad yourself, comrade." I scanned his body, starting at his silky brown hair and going all the way down to other areas—no, not bad at all. I giggled.

"I don't want to hear this," Christian said and Lissa smacked him. I stuck my tongue out at him.

Once we reached the doors I sighed, all of the happy feelings fading away. I stole one last glance at Dimitri before entering, preparing myself, reminding myself that this was a disaster…and that no matter how much I prayed things would work out between Dimitri and me and no matter how happy I was that I had the two most important people in my life back—for now at least—people were suffering. People were broken. Just like… just like I had been. Like I might be in a few hours, a few days, when Dimitri made his decision.

So that was why I braved the doors and shoved the dread and blatant fear way down into the pit of my stomach with my shoulders held high. Dimitri's hand was in my mine, which I knew was actually incredibly politically stupid, but completely emotionally smart.

I looked all of the students in the eye as I walked down the path with the rest of the faculty line that consisted of guardians—rogue guardians, even, teachers, and administration. I could see the grief on their faces, the fear, the anger—the hopelessness. We were supposed to have won this battle—we had prepared, thought and rethought… it made no sense. Why did this keep happening? And most importantly… how could we make it stop?

Lastly, I saw the pain.

Finally, we were one. Moroi, Dhampirs, Guardians, Teachers, students. We all hurt. We had different priorities, healed in different ways, but we all still hurt. We all still felt.

Even the richest of the Moroi, Moroi who would eventually help rule our nation had red rimmed eyes. They didn't shy away from the nonroyals or dhampirs but instead treated them just as they would each other, because in a world like this you had to hold on to the people around you.

I nodded to Aubrey, Nathan, and Will and the rest of our students that sat with the novices, happy to see that other than bruises and a cast on Aubrey's arm and Will's leg, they were fine. Dimitri and I shared a glance.

The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; because some ties are simply meant to be…even if the world did everything it could to break them apart.

"Rose Hathaway," someone called, causing me to look up. Alberta. Relief spread throughout my body—she was one of the few people I'd worried about. She was a badass, but even I knew that things happened and people got hurt… no matter how good you are. "Dimitri Belikov," she said a moment later, her lips twitching.

Our party walked toward her, Dimitri's hand in mine, causing me to notice a brief glimmer of amusement in her eyes, and maybe even some relief, too.

She waited for the room to come to attention and then gave us the gentlest of smiles, one that held some happiness as well; something that seemed out of character here, in what seemed like a graveyard. "I am happy to announce that you both have received your guardian statuses; effective immediately."

I am happy to announce that you have both received your guardian statuses; effective immediately. This couldn't be happening. Not now; not after all of this time.

That's what Lissa had been hiding from me, that was the source of happiness in the bond. She'd found a way to make it even harder for me to ever leave again.

Joy pulsed through me as well as shock, and I looked over to see Dimitri having a similar reaction. It was impossible, and I couldn't help but think that if this could happen, if this of all things could happen, then how could Dimitri not forgive himself? It that was possible… how could that not be? Because we accept the love we think we deserve, I thought bitterly. If Dimitri thought that he didn't deserve my love… then who knew what he would do. I refused to let that dim this moment. I was going to be a guardian, I knew. Even if it was in Russia, I was going to be a guardian. A true, honest to good guardian. The look on Dimitri's face… it was like he'd finally found…I couldn't find the right word. Redemption? Elation?

Whatever it was, it felt like all of the pieces were falling into place and I tried to prepare myself, tried to remember that it would only hurt more if I hoped… But I couldn't exactly help it.

Tatiana spoke then, her guardians spreading apart an inch or two. I was surprised she was still here, that she hadn't been flown out as soon as they'd been alerted of Strigoi. "I thank you both, as well as all of the rest of our warriors here for fighting for our school. Because of your bravery and valiancy, we would also like to award Guardian Hathaway's team their guardian status if they accept and an offer to become instructors here at the St. Vladimir's academy, or apart of teams we are forming to strike against Strigoi. That offer also extends out to Guardian Hathaway and Guardian Belikov, but we have another assignment we would like you both to consider." My Mom stood with the other guardians; a smile on her face, her eyes filled with love… pride…

Stan suddenly appeared and hobbled out from behind one of the Royal Guards, leaning on to a cane. "Guardian Hathaway, Belikov," he smiled, "The Guardians have decided on an alternative assignment for you, if you chose to accept it."

The Moroi Queen stood up, a smile on her face but a glint in her eye that said she wasn't happy at all about what she was saying. She turned to Dimitri first, eyes speculative. "Guardian Belikov, I name you Guardian of Lord Christian Ozera, partner with Guardian Tanner."

And then she turned to me.

"Guardian Hathaway, I name you Guardian of Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir, partner with Guardian Castile."

I name you Guardian of Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir.

I remembered thinking about becoming a guardian again, dreaming about this moment…sometimes even dreaming about becoming a guardian at all, seeing my name go down in history books; not as a traitor but as a hero. Eternal Service. They come first.

And me? There was really only one Moroi I wanted.

(A/N Thank you guys so much for being patient and sticking with me. I've been flooded with all of these ideas for all of these new stories but I told myself that I couldn't start another one until I finished this one! XD I love you guys so much and feel so grateful towards all of you.

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Themugglefreak: As much as I love Adrian… he really didn't exist in this story. I know that it leaves a lot of holes but I just really didn't know what to do with him. L But I've got plans for my next story… I think XD

I think I'll have one more chapter to this story, maybe two. I know I've been saying that for like the last five chapters but I have more of an idea of how I want it to end.

LOVE YOU GUYS! R&R!)