Title: Pride and Prejudice
Disclaimers: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. – Napoleon Bonaparte
"And yes, I'll have four days off in two days…but I'm not going alone. Only with you."
For long minutes, Sara could not form a single word. Could it be true or just her imagination had played with her? A workaholic man had arranged a holiday for her? Sara tried to get used to the word she had not used since her childhood. A journey…a work-free vacation with the man whom she loved so very much. Sara was amazed by Grissom's plan. He told Sara how he had arranged their four-day-long escape. Grissom's cover story was a certain conference in Wellington while Sara was supposed to visit an eye-specialist in Spring Valley.
"And Ecklie believed it?" Sara asked astonished.
"After I tried to detail the topic of that conference, he let me off the hook."
"Is there a conference at all?"
"Sure, I even registered…"
"And you won't attend?"
"No."
"Where is the real Grissom? Where did you hide him?" she laughed. "And how would I get to Spring Valley…no one will buy that I could drive or…"
"I told Ecklie that I would take you there before I leave for the conference today. I bet he had hard time to hide his pleasure in not having to see us for four days."
"Yeah, I guess he'll cry all night. Did you talk to the others? Greg or Cath?"
"Well, I gave Cath some paperwork…enough for a century. I'm not her favorite actually, so she won't call…ever. And Greg…I told him to monitor the laboratories…including Hodges…I doubt he will have time for calling you."
"Ah, so you have a dirty side, too."
"Um…I just wanted to…I really…" he started to blush.
"Hey, this is cool, I think that naughty Grissom is a sexy Grissom," she purred like a cat.
"Then you will love this. I initiated a new competition between Nick and Warrick. They are head-to-head in solving cases…so they will be busy, too."
GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR
The next one and a half days had gone by slowly but spent in delighted waiting for Sara. She had been excited about the journey from the very beginning but one thing had made her uneasy. Grissom had refused to reveal the exact destination they were going to leave for.
"It's a surprise, Sara, don't ask me about the place because I won't tell you…that's the point. So no more 'whats' or 'whys', no more tricks to elicit the address from me. Just relax and try to pack…"
"See? I have zero information. Pack for what? For the mountains…or for the beach…or a big city…"
"Alright!" he said making Sara's eyes flash immediately. "Lesson no. 1: learn to trust me, my dear."
"I do trust you, I just…"
"Stop it."
"Anyway, I should go back to my apartment. I don't have enough clothes here."
"Okay. I've almost done with my suitcase."
"Are you sure about Hank and Herbie?"
"Mrs. Thomas loves Hank, she often takes care of him and I'm sure she will love Herbie just as well. Her grandchild also has a cat, Yoda."
"Yoda?"
"He looks like Yoda…he's hairless…a pretty one."
"Oh."
"So don't worry, our little gentleman will be in good hands."
"I know but still, I'll miss him. He's so young, he needs me. What if he thinks I left him?"
"The first few hours will be hard on him but then he will be extra-happy when you come for him, you will see."
"Why can't we take them with us?"
"That place is absolutely unfamiliar for both of them. You don't want them to get lost, right?"
"Get lost? Where is that place exactly?"
"Nice try but just sit down and let me pack…"
"It wasn't a trick. I am just missing them already, that's all."
"Okay, lesson no. 2: sometimes, you have to place yourself first; Hank and Herbie will survive without us for a few days. This vacation is about you and me exclusively."
"Okay…Mister," and with that Sara left Grissom to his packing. She went to the kitchen and packed up his perishables, then placed some toys in a plastic bag for Hank and Herbie. The pets were watching Sara's every move. Hank knew what was going to come so he remained calm but Herbie suspected some foul play so he snugged himself under the shelf as a bug in a rug.
"Herbie? Come out, please!"
There was nothing to be seen there but after bending deeper, Sara could see two huge glowing eyes. Sara tried to get him out but every attempt of hers failed. When Grissom came out of his room with his suitcase in his hand, the sight of Sara on her belly begging the stubborn cat made him laugh.
"Don't laugh! He doesn't want to come out. I told you he didn't want to go to Mrs. Thomson."
In a minute, Grissom was kneeling next to Sara and placed some tiny pieces of sausage on the floor, just far enough for Herbie to reach them.
"Herbie? If you want some, you have to move your ass."
He did not have to beg long, Herbie's voracity won over his stubbornness. Grissom waited until the cat had eaten two pieces of sausages, and then caught him. He caressed the feline for some time and then he placed the silly tabby cat into his carrier.
"Lesson no. 3: be patient and you get what you want."
"Awww, damn your lessons, just look at him. I swear Herbie would give us the finger if he could…poor baby."
"Lesson no. 4: shut up and let's go!"
Herbie in his carrier and in Grissom's hand, Hank on his feet, Grissom happily and Sara both excitedly and nervously walked toward Grissom's car. He drove them to Sara's apartment where Sara could pack her own suitcases while Grissom busied himself in the kitchen. He listened to the noises coming from Sara's bedroom so he could be sure that his woman was still there.
He went to her living-room and as quietly as he could, Grissom opened the empty leather bag he had taken with him and placed some things into it. He closed the bag fast and went back to the kitchen to pretend being busy with making coffee.
When Sara finished packing, they drank the coffee Grissom had made then they took a last look around the flat to make sure that they had not forgotten anything. Grissom looked at the two suitcases.
"Dear, you don't move to another state, we just spend four days away from here…"
"So another state? I have to be prepared…who knows…maybe you take me to Panama or to Siberia. I need all of them."
"Okay. Now, let me help pull them," and he already reached for them.
"Then you give me that smaller bag you are carrying," she offered.
"No!" he said too harshly. "I mean you should empty the dustbin and I take these out, okay?"
Even though Sara found it weird, she did not want to object again. He acted so nicely, she was touched by his action.
Within five minutes, the trash was out, air con was off, and fridge was emptied. Their cases were packed and loaded, provisions were ready. So they were ready to start their journey, they were on their way to Mrs. Thomson.
The nice old lady lived relatively close to Sara, so the drive there did not take long. Hank evidently recognized the place but somehow, he was hesitant to get out. Herbie, on the other hand, had no choice as he was closed in his carrier. Sara said goodbye to them in the car, she did not want to see them left in a stranger's home.
Grissom whistled to Hank who tried to jump out of the car but his injury did not let him move freely. Sara got out of the car and helped him climb out of the vehicle safely. She hugged him for the last time and let him go. By the time Hank walked to Grissom, the man had already held Herbie's carrier.
"Be right back!"
"You sure we can't take them with us?"
"We've talked about it, honey. A minute and I'm back."
However, Sara knew that Grissom was right, it did not make less hard to see their babies stay here…without their mom and dad. Sara sat back into the car and wiped the one crocodile tear off her face. She loved these animals as if they were her children. Even though, she was happy about this vacation, it would be hard without her beloved buddies.
She was deep in her thoughts when the door suddenly was torn up.
"Damn it, Sara! Lesson no. 5: never listens to a woman you love or else you will weaken. Hey, wait! This is Lesson no. 1 for me!"
"What?" she looked around and saw a pair of paws of a smiling Hank stuck to the window as he was looking inside. "Oh, oh…"
Right after Grissom had opened the car's door, Hank jumped into it regardless of his bad leg. Moments later, Herbie's carrier was fastened into the backseat, too.
"Thank you," she whispered into Grissom's ear. "I love you so very much!"
"3 against 1…conspiracy…they acted like nuts in there…did you teach this to them?"
"You're the teacher…not me. So what's the next lesson, Mister?"
"I don't know but I hope we won't regret taking them with us…when we chase them in the forest…oh…damn it!"
"Forest? I love nature! Anyway, Lesson no. 2 for you is 'Dare to take risks!"
"Yeah, talking about risks…we go for a short check-up to Desert Palm and…"
"Why?"
"I want your doctor to take a look at your eyes. If he says everything is going as it should, then I won't have to worry about it the entire time we are away."
"Okay."
"Okay? Where is the real Sara Sidle?"
"I wanted to visit July before we leave anyway…"
The atmosphere in the car changed immediately and Sara could tell that her upcoming meeting with July made the man worried, nervous and bothered.
"Don't you think it is too soon? Why don't you give some time to yourself?"
"I had enough time to think. I know what I want; I think I know how I feel."
"I can't tell you what you should do or not do, I have no right to tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes but you have to know that whatever you decided, I am with you," he said. Sara seemed to sense some fear in his almost trembling voice and she felt the same fear, too.
She looked at him but this time, Grissom could not look back at her in fear she would see the doubt and rising anger in his eyes. For a moment, he closed his eyes and his former fear manifested in thoughts echoed in his head again.
I believed that I could break every rock that might roll in our way so I could protect her but the events of last weeks taught me to question my own power over things. I admit that I fear that this time we will have to face such a big block in our life that might be too huge and heavy to roll away. I well remember the conversation between me and Sara. I well remember when Sara was worried about fate and I only told her that it was never fate that broke up relationships; people left each other…for whatever reasons. And a reason is lying inside of this hospital. July Harper is Sara's half-sister after all no matter what she did to Sara. How Sara would react to her when they meet again. Can Sara be impartial? Should she be? Could I be? Could or should someone close their eyes to sin like this when it was against their flesh and blood? Would this absurd situation tear our love apart…now or later? If it depends entirely on me, I would throw July Harper into the darkest cell in a long-forgotten jail for what she did to Sara and Hank but on the other hand, she is Sara's sister…her sibling. I love her so do I have to accept her family, as well? Oh, God! What is stronger? Our love or her family? Justice or feelings? Laws or family bonds?
"Gil!"
Her calling startled him but at the same time, her low voice ensured him that Sara was still there with him, she was safe and sound. He simply did not want her to meet that crazy and erratic woman. Once that woman had wanted to kill this wonderful person and this was what Grissom could not forgive or forget.
"Gil! It's okay, don't worry."
"How the hell could I be not worrying? That woman wanted you dead, remember?"
"She didn't know that I'm her sister…half-sister."
"I don't care what Greg read in her damn journal…if she had succeeded…she planned that…"
"I know her intention is what matters…I know but I can't carry this heavy burden any longer. I want to end it today, and I want to do it alone."
"No way! Forget it!"
"You and the officers will be outside of the room, I'll be safe."
"On one condition!"
"Okay…"
"Here, I wanted to give it to you after we arrived at…where we gonna go but I won't be as anxious if you have it with you," and Grissom placed a new blackberry into Sara's palm.
"Oh…this is beautiful…"
"And firm enough to knock her out if she tried to…" but he could not finish his sentence as Sara's lips silenced him.
After they had decided to go inside at last, Grissom jogged to a parking attendant and introduced himself to him then informed the young man that they intended to stay only for thirty minutes, so he did not need to worry about the pets in the car.
Grissom tried to elongate their walk to July's ward but Sara saw through his attempts. To calm him down a little, she agreed to visit her eye-specialist first. It did not help Grissom, though. On the contrary, the later they could leave this building, the more anxious he became.
At least, Sara's eyes were healing nicely, this made both Sara and Grissom happy but the meeting with July Harper made neither of them composed.
As they approached July's room, they could see that there were two officers in front of the door. Grissom knew both men. He told them about Sara's visit. Grissom walked Sara in but then hesitantly, he left the room.
For long minutes, Sara was just standing at the door watching the sleeping young woman who was her half-sister. July Harper looked so peaceful in that bed, her face radiated innocence and sweetness. As Sara watched her sleep, for a moment she questioned if this delicate young girl had been capable of such a horrible action as to wish someone's death. She went closer to her bed to take a better look of July's features for the first time. Sara's eyes were still in healing state so her vision was not one hundred percent perfect. She blinked for some times to get a better vision and this was the moment that made the situation acutely real. The reason she had almost lost her sight lay right in front of her. The reason Hank had almost lost his life lay in this bed. The reason Grissom had been living in fear for weeks now lay there and slept quietly. But this woman was her last chain to a family…to her broken family.
Sara pulled out her brand new cell phone and dialed Brass.
"Hello, it's Jim Brass speaking."
"Jim?"
"Sara!"
"Did you prepare the documents I asked you to…"
"Of course. In an envelope…on my desk. You need me?"
"Yes. Would you please come here? I'm in July's room actually. I wanted to talk to her but she is sleeping."
"I'll be there in twenty minutes."
"Thanks. Bye!"
"See you!"
"I'm not sleeping," July said.
Suddenly, Sara's pulse hit the ceiling. Secretly, she hoped that July remained asleep. All of a sudden, Sara did not feel as strong as she had thought she would be in the car in the hospital parking lot.
"I think you know who I am," Sara said with trembling voice.
"One thing I know for sure…you are the one who can save my life."
"Even though you tried to take mine?"
"I regretted it…I wasn't…me."
"Your file says you don't remember anything about the hit or your immediate life prior the hit…so how could you regret something you don't even remember?"
"Look, every…everybody says I did that…but honestly, how could I kill someone who is my sister?"
"I always wanted a sister," Sara smiled sadly. She took a chair from under the table and pulled it closer to the bed then sat down. "I never had anybody I could have talked to in my childhood."
"See? That is common about us," July confessed and this was true, this fact had been written in her journal, too.
"I wish we had met sooner, maybe we could have been friends or real sisters. I wish I had not heard about you only a week ago or so. How long have you known about me, July?"
"July," William Harper interrupted the stammering and clearly guilty woman, "I don't care if you remember your crap or not. I only want you to play a good girl, alright? Convince that woman you love her. The rest is my business. If Sara Sidle was trying to bullshit, I will pull her card and stir the water around her."
"I…I knew about you…I don't know…about a year or so…that's why it is crazy that they accuse me of your…I would never kill my sister…never. You have to believe me! My family is taboo for me."
"Do you have any diversion?"
"What?"
"What do you do for fun?"
"Nothing."
"I love taking photos…I love nature…"
"Yeah, I love that, too. And I am good at it but my stupid mom who is not my real mom but you sure know about it…of course you know so she thought she knew what was best for me…gah, and she is not even my real mom, can you believe this? And until recently I believed that all of my misery was because of you, hell I hit the wrong person," she laughed but soon her laughter died on her lips.
"So as she is not a family member…she is free to die?"
"No!" July's voice rose a bit. "No, I didn't mean it! I only meant that I never hated you that much I would have tried to kill you."
"You wrote a journal, July in which you detailed how much you hated me…so you either didn't know at that time that I was your sister and lied to me now or you would kill anybody who was in your way no matter if it was a family or not and again, you lied to me."
"I didn't lie you bitch," she started to rage as she felt that she messed up. "How could you read somebody's journal? That's personal!"
"Even though, you tried to take my life and that is also personal to me, I didn't read it. Right after the moment I got to know that you are my sister, I refused to read it. But it doesn't mean that my colleagues didn't read it either. They told me about its content."
"So you respected my privacy, this means you have feelings for me…I'm your sister and you have to forgive me, no one reports their sisters…no one…not even an evil person. I wouldn't do it!"
"You wouldn't report a family member but you would kill them?"
"I didn't do anything."
"Did you know that our mother was in jail?"
This was new information for July and her first sincere reaction was disgust that was also displayed on her face. Her eyes were soon filled with loathing.
"What did she commit?"
"She killed someone."
"Shit! I guess I inherited this from her…it's not my fault…you have to forgive me, Sara. You can't let it happen again…you have the same guilty blood in your veils…no one reports their family; even the laws let you close your eyes."
"Actually, she never wanted to get away with what she had done. She saved me and my brother from a violent man. That's the difference between you and her. She killed out of love; you wanted to kill out of grudge. But neither motive makes you two any less guilty. Do you know why I came here today?"
"Why?"
"I hoped against hope that you would open up to me and you would be honest with me. I really wished for a sister in my whole life but I learned that finding a true person is easier if you search out of your family. I know that everybody might expect me to close my eyes and let you go but one person expects me to remain human, to remain who I always was. And that one person is me, Sara Sidle who had no family. Truth is what defines me. Justice is what gives me hope that maybe the world becomes a better place to live and maybe I can have a family on my own that is built on respect and sincere moral and virtue. I'm not a robot; I don't have a button on my forehead you can push so I will love you over night just because you are my sister. It is not that I have a say in the matter. I'm a CSI and I have no power or right to decide who is less guilty."
"But I'm your sister," she shouted.
"Every psycho is a sister or brother or son or daughter of someone, still, they have no right to take lives or plays God!"
"So you will betray me?"
"I won't betray myself. I will never deny you because you are my sister but I don't trust you, I don't even like you. Trust and love are the result of a long process we all have to work on. Never take it for granted. But I will be there when you get out of jail or wherever you will be placed and I will be your sister if you want me to but I will never be your accomplice. Never."
"Please don't do this," she started to cry when Brass stepped into the room.
"Miss Harper?"
"You again!"
"Oh, I thought you were unconscious when I was here…anyway, yes, it's me again."
"Thanks for coming, Jim. Did you bring the papers?"
"Sure. Here," he pointed to the line where Sara had to sign the report.
"You will regret it, Sara!" July cursed.
"I already regretted it but the choice was out of my hands."
"My dad will destroy you, he said he would…"
"Watch your mouth Miss Harper, don't make your situation worse," Brass warned the young woman.
"I wish you had died Sara Sidle, you're not my sister, you don't deserve life!" she wept.
"Those who take lives from others or deny happiness, they don't deserve it for themselves either, July."
"I wish I never saw you again."
Sara was about to leave the room when she turned back from the door, "I will send the copy of your journal to you so you can read it again. Perhaps you will see how wrong you were about me when the clouds leave your brain. I did nothing against you, July. Nothing. As I said I would be there waiting for you when you get released and if you don't want to see me then, it's your decision and then I will forget you, July. And so you know, I won't let anybody manipulate me anymore, family or not. Take care of yourself!"
This time, Sara did not wait for an answer; she left the room leaving July and the case behind. She meant what she had said to July in that ward. Sara could not deny her blood so she would help July to fit into the society again after she spent her time either in jail or a mental hospital. Her so called family was Sara Sidle's cross but she learned how to carry it so it would not hurt her shoulders.
She needed to lock this period of life up and focus on the real life that was around her. Her real family: Grissom, Hank and Herbie.
As she stepped out of the room, her eyes immediately found the one man she loved with her complete heart and soul. The worry was evident on his face.
She walked close to him and said, "Learn your own lesson, Grissom: Lesson no. 1: learn to trust, my dear!"
Grissom was about to react when Sara's blackberry went off. At first, Sara did not recognize her new sound of buzz but then she got out the device and tried to read the tiny characters.
Immediately, she turned dead white and both Grissom and Brass had to grab her arms. Sara was on the edge of faint.
TBC
Author's Postscript: I can't believe that we got here. Only one chapter left (the final) and one really short epilogue is to come.