A/N: I really enjoyed writing this chapter (specifically the Kage lol) but I like how it all came out as a whole too :) Let me know what you think :D
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, but I do own Sage and Elliot.
Suggestion: Surfergal23's Kendall/OC story, Hooked. It's beautiful and angsty, and it's almost over.
And remember to give Something to Sleep to by so-complicated a look too! :) It's at it's beginning stages, but there are SO many good plans for it (just trust me ;)
On with PTS! :D Please, enjoy and review :)
-waterwicca
CHAPTER 38: BIG TIME DATE NIGHT
"So, scene two opens with Lara finding herself trapped in…"
Camille's voice faded out of James' mind. Normally, he would have been focused on her when he was helping with a new script, especially if it was for an exciting possible movie role, but he kept finding himself getting distracted. Camille had her nose buried in the script book, so she couldn't see what had his undivided attention.
It was Logan. He was sitting on the other side of the pool with Carlos, who was talking animatedly about something that only he cared about, and Logan's eyes were glued to Camille. He was working his bottom lip into a harsh pink with all of the gnawing he was doing on it, and James was concerned that his young skin was going to get wrinkles from the way he was scrunching his eyebrows in concentration and slight apprehension.
"Did you hear what I said, James?" Camille poked his hand with a manicured nail to get his attention. He snapped back around, his eyes squinting as he adjusted to the slightly shadier surroundings of the cabana they were under.
"Huh? Yeah… Sara gets thrown in the well… or something…" he smiled uneasily and shrugged with one shoulder, not even looking at Camille long enough to see her shake her head and smile. His eyes went back to Logan. The odd boy wasn't staring at the actress anymore. Actually, it looked like he was trying to do anything but; his fingers twiddling together nervously on the table top and his head nodding at whatever Carlos was saying through a mouthful of blue smoothie.
"It's Lara, and she's trapped in a supply closet," Camille chuckled. She wasn't too surprised by James behaving abnormally. It was something she had both become used to and learned to get amused by.
"Isn't that what I said?" James mumbled, still not listening. He smirked triumphantly when he saw Logan sneak another glance at Camille and blush. It was that one look that told James all he needed to know.
Logan was undeniably crushing on Camille, which was something they all believed whether he admitted it or not, but, more importantly, James could tell that his friend wanted to act on it. He just needed a final push, and James was going to be the one to shove him with both hands. He refused to watch two people who adored each other continually ignore their feelings after five months of flirtation. It was getting a bit ridiculous.
"Come with me, Cam. I'm gonna get you a date with the man of your dreams," he grinned and grabbed her hand. She let him guide her around the pool with little resistance, only staring at him incredulously while he tugged her along.
"What does that mean? James, no offense, but your plans usually suck. I don't think- Hi, Logan!" Camille's rambling came to an end when she saw where James had led her, suddenly liking wherever this was going.
"H-Hey…" Logan answered awkwardly, nearly forgetting how to breathe when Camille appeared in his personal space. He stood up along with Carlos, who remained blissfully oblivious to what was happening as he sipped on his drink.
"Logie, I keep having this feeling that you wanna ask Camille something… Do you?" James looked like the cat that ate the canary as he gazed down at his friend, knowing that he could read his mind better than Logan could read a textbook right now. He knew romantic interest when he saw it.
"Do I what?" Logan murmured. He hadn't stopped looking at the girl in front of him once. They tended to get like that near each other lately; lost in another universe full of silence and coy smiles.
"Do you want to ask Camille something?" James repeated slower, adding an edge to his words and clenching his teeth as he dramatically tilted his head in her direction. It was as if he was telling Logan to do it before he did it for him, which wasn't ideal for the skittish teen.
In fact, Logan couldn't decide how to ask Camille out no matter how much he thought about it, and he had definitely been thinking about it continuously. Sage put it on his mind ever since she made him agree to do it. At the time, he foolishly believed that it would be somewhat easy since he and Camille were already so close, but he had forgotten who he was; a self-conscious boy who rarely went on dates unless they were set up for him. He had never actually approached a girl before this.
"I don't think so, James, but thanks for your concern," Logan chickened out, scratching the back of his neck and smiling apologetically at Camille. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, undoubtedly having known what almost happened.
James groaned and placed his hand on the girl's lower back, pushing her even closer to Logan so that she nearly bumped into him before straightening herself out. He glared at his friend, but he couldn't get any eye contact in return.
"Am I missing something here?" Carlos asked with a smile around his straw, directing his focus to James. He figured that would get him the most answers, but he was met with silence. James internally counted to three before he threw away any decent social etiquette he possessed.
"Ask her out, Logan!" he yelled too loudly, huffing and smoothing the creases in his t-shirt as he tried to compose himself.
Logan was a different story. He lacked any composure as he coughed on the air in his own lungs and choked violently. Carlos struck him on the back with heavy whacks of his palm, sucking down the last bit of his drink as he did so; acting as if this was an everyday occurrence. Camille's eyes were wide and her body was frozen, waiting in a mix of confusion and excitement. She had seen the boys' antics before, and she wasn't going to let herself get roped in until she got direct confirmation from Logan, but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't want to yelp with glee.
"I- Uh…" Logan found his words, but they were still failing him; refusing to form anything intelligible no matter how much he said the desired phrase in his head.
He glanced up at the window to 2J, wishing he was back in the safety of the apartment, but then he saw Sage and Kendall behind the reflections on the glass. They were situated on the back of the couch and giving him a thumbs-up, most likely having heard James' outburst or already watching the scenery out of boredom. Logan noticed Sage had been spending more time by the windows lately. With her interest in the outside world around her growing, he had a feeling it wouldn't be long before she made her first journey out of their home.
If she was progressing so well, Logan figured that he could too. He wouldn't have been much of a faux therapist if he didn't at least practice what he preached.
"C-Camille," he paused. Saying her name was a good start, so he silently congratulated himself for getting it out before moving forward. "Will you g-go out on a d-date… with me?" he sighed heavily and then sucked in all the air he could and held his breath.
"Yes!" Camille squealed and launched herself at him, knocking out the air he was holding in. He released it in a heavy gust as he chuckled and held her waist so she wouldn't topple them over. She felt right in his arms, and it was moments like those that made him wonder how she could have ever freaked him out so much.
"There. Was that so hard?" James rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he stalked off like his friends exhausted him. He circled the pool to gather his belongings from under the cabana, snatching up the sunglasses and cell phone he left on the table.
"Congratulations!" Carlos piped up excitedly and smiled at the new couple, who were both reluctantly and shyly stepping out of each other's grasp. "When are you guys going out?" he asked an innocent question, but it made Logan feel a whole new wave of nerves.
"Oh, um…" it felt like another challenge for him. Questions were supposed to be his comfort zone, but now this one was making him flustered. "How about t-tonight?" his voice rose at the end, giving an extra apprehensive inflection to his inquiry.
"I'd love to, Logan," Camille remained calm. Her excitement was already expressed, and now she was merely happy and content. "Thanks for asking me," she added with a soft smile, making Logan relax as she shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Thanks for accepting," his wit crept through but his heart continued to hammer in his chest as he struggled to calm down, still in disbelief that this was actually happening.
"Date night!" the two teenagers jumped slightly at Carlos' declaration. He threw his hands in the air, causing his smoothie straw to clatter around in the plastic cup.
"You have a date?" Logan quirked a brow and turned to his friend in surprise.
"No…" Carlos admitted with a frown, looking like he was attempting to solve a tough equation. "I'll figure it out," he mumbled at them while continuing to think. "James! Take me somewhere to meet girls!" he screamed loudly across the pool. It was late in the afternoon on a Friday, so the crowd around them was large, and they all had their eyes on Carlos now. He smiled sheepishly and waved at them. Having gotten used to the weird activities of Big Time Rush, especially Carlos', they all went back to what they were doing with shakes of their head or inaudible giggles.
"Let's go, Carlitos," James laughed and gestured for him to follow him into the lobby. "I'll help you plan an outfit for the club."
Carlos immediately went after him, enthusiastic about an outing to a club in Hollywood. He and James had been to a few when they first explored the Los Angeles area, but didn't go to any lately after Sage had arrived.
As they disappeared from view, Logan and Camille chuckled at the boys, but then it was just them. He smiled nervously at her, thinking about everything he needed to do before he took her out later that night.
"I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing!" Logan was panicking as he shuffled out of his and Carlos' room on the second floor balcony of the apartment. He tossed clothes over the ledge, coming in and out of view as he entered and left the bedroom repeatedly with more in his arms. "I only have sweater vests and khakis… James, why the hell do you let me dress like a nerd? What kind of friend are you?" he continued ranting irrationally while the boy in question sat at the dining table below. He flipped nonchalantly through a tabloid magazine with his legs propped up on the surface of the table, leaning his upper body to the side occasionally to dodge a knitted shirt or a pressed pair of pants as they flew down from up above.
"I knew he was going to have a meltdown, but I really didn't think it was gonna be this bad," Sage admitted with a grin up at Logan, who wasn't even looking for any answers to his list of questions. He just kept making noise as he searched his room for something to wear for his dinner date with Camille.
"Or this entertaining," Kendall added, smiling in amazement and locking eyes with Sage for a moment before redirecting his attention back up to the balcony to watch his friend throw the rest of the contents of his closet down from the second floor.
He didn't want to look at his girlfriend too long because he knew that he'd feel the need to be close to her if he did. Right now, he was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter and doing his best to not be near her while she was engaging in physical therapy. It happened all the time lately, and he was getting better at handling it just like she was. Her progress also transferred over to them personally. At night, her advancement with their bed was slow moving, but they were able to hold each other now. He could have his arms wrapped fully around her while they slept.
Sage smiled at him gratefully and leaned into Carlos. He was sitting beside her on the couch, and their hands were clasped between them. Every moment she spent with him got easier. The physical threat lessened along with her anxiety as they practiced, so her mind's first reaction wasn't to run or cry anymore. The feeling was just a vague discomfort now, and even that faded each day.
"No, really! What am I supposed to wear?" Logan whined and reappeared, still dressed in the clothes he had spent his day in; sweats and a t-shirt because of the dance rehearsals at Rocque Records.
"Did you even take one look at the bag I put on your bed?" James quirked a groomed brow at him from over his magazine, smirking up at his friend. Logan shook his head slowly and hurried back into the bedroom.
"Thank you, James!" he called out in relief.
"Whatever," James smiled and shrugged modestly, not even in Logan's sight for a little while until he came rushing down the stairs. He was dressed cleanly and casually, wearing a white button-down shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of black Converse sneakers.
"You look nice," Sage nodded in approval, gesturing for him to spin around. He rolled his eyes but did it anyway and received a teasing whistle from Carlos, which got the shorter boy a light elbow to the ribs from Sage.
Logan smiled thankfully at her, but his nerves were obviously taking control. He fidgeted where he stood and rubbed his palms on the thighs of his jeans. It had taken him nearly three times as long as the one week limit Sage had given him to ask Camille out, but she understood. She could still remember the time when she wouldn't talk to anyone back in Ramsey, and she almost even rejected Kendall when she first met him.
She and Logan were similar, so she knew he'd be tense, but she also knew that he'd pull through. The only difficult part for Sage was keeping it from Camille during their days together having lunch or hanging around the apartment. The brunette actress wanted to go out with Logan so badly, and he was often the topic of discussion, especially if she had seen him that day, so it was hard for Sage not to break down and excitedly admit that her new friend's dream was going to come true. However, Logan begged her not to, and that was more than good enough for Sage to keep her mouth shut.
"She's right. You look good, but stop tugging on your sleeves like that. Those clothes aren't cheap, and you're gonna stretch the fabric," James complained, jumping up from the table and grabbing Logan's hands so that he would stop pulling at the shirt out of anxiousness. He stood still and let James roll the sleeves up to his elbows.
"Maybe I should cancel. I think I'm sick," Logan stated abruptly, squirming away from James when he started to mess with his hair.
"Logie, you're gonna be fine! If I survived my first real date, you will too," Carlos assured him with a winning smile, propping one of his legs up on the coffee table while keeping a firm hold on Sage's hand. He pulled on the purple tie James had put on him along with a black dress shirt, feeling stuffy and ready to get out for the night, or at least get somewhere where James couldn't see him so he could ditch the tie.
"I like Camille, but what if everything ends badly? What if things don't work out? She could decide that she hates my guts, or I could say something stupid or embarrassing," Logan theorized nervously, making a move to tug on his sleeves again until James slapped his hand away.
"I could give you a few tips for a successful night," James grinned and looked as if he was going to launch into a speech about sex.
"James, go fix your hair," Sage suggested quickly, trying to get him away from Logan; feeling more than sure that he was going to start giving advice for one night stands rather than a potentially long-term relationship.
"Oh, you got told!" Carlos teased, raising his and Sage's clasped hands and failing them wildly in James' direction.
"Wow, I thought we had something special," James pouted dramatically and feigned physical pain as he pressed his chin to his chest. Sage sighed heavily and smiled.
"Love you, James," she spoke to him sweetly, shaking her head at his histrionics.
"Love you too," he huffed out a loud breath. "Do I really need to fix my hair?" he became alarmed and started to inch his way towards the bathroom as if he was expecting the worst. Kendall snickered at the counter beside him, Logan continued to think about what he was going to say to Camille when he saw her, Carlos just giggled, and Sage was the only one to offer him reassurance.
"Nope, it's perfect like it always is," she told him with a smirk, biting back laughter when he proudly puffed out his chest and hopped onto the stool next to Kendall.
"Your girlfriend thinks I'm hot," he told him smugly, earning a playful shove that was hard enough to almost have him falling out of his seat with a yelp.
Sage almost wished she was able to push him herself, even if it was in jest, but she wasn't at that point in therapy yet. Carlos was a warm comfort to her now, as was Logan, who had taken his turn with physical contact during their talks together, but James wasn't yet required to take that step. Therefore, touching was limited to Carlos and Logan, and they were both capable of holding her hand without her needing to stop. It was something they now did whenever they could just to keep her used to it.
Sage and James had a strong friendship almost from the beginning, so both were apprehensive about physical contact. Sage had openly admitted to Logan that she could never imagine James hurting her, but she saw him as the most capable of it simply because of his build. That idea had both her and James willingly holding off on therapy because they feared that it would ruin their relationship.
"I thought we were talking about me here," Logan groaned and glared at James, merely receiving a cheesy smile as a response.
"We are. James just needed a little attention. You know how he is," Sage teased as she got up from the couch, still keeping a firm grip on Carlos' hand as they walked over to Logan and ignored James' grumble of protest. "Listen, Logan, you'll be fine tonight. You're going to have a good time, Camille's going to think you're the sweetest guy in the whole world, and you'll be happy that you went through with it, okay?" she spoke softly, seeing her friend's need for encouragement and comfort.
"I'm not sure that I can do this," Logan argued weakly and shook his head, still sounding as if he wanted to back out of everything.
"Stop doubting yourself," Sage let go of Carlos in favor of pulling Logan into a short hug. He kept his hands at his sides for most of it, only squeezing her arms with his palms near the very end in a form of thanks so that he didn't suffocate her emotionally or physically. "I made it through my first night with Kendall two years ago. I was scared, but it turned out to be the best thing I ever did," she told him gently, sneaking a glance at her boyfriend.
He looked as if he wanted to sweep her up and keep her to himself for the night. Luckily, he'd be able to do just that in a few minutes. Logan would be with Camille, and James was taking Carlos out for some fun. For the first time in a long time, they'd have an evening to themselves in the apartment.
"Fine, I guess I should go pick her up for dinner," Logan steadied himself with a calming breath and put a smile on. "If it sucks, be ready for this therapist to bitch to his patient," he grinned at Sage, making her laugh.
"It won't, but I'll listen anyway," she assured him, patting his shoulder one more time before pushing him towards the door and dodging the clothing that littered the floor.
"Is it always this crowded?" Carlos asked over the music, his throat straining with the effort as his ears adjusted to the loud volume of the club.
"Absolutely! That means it's popular, which means it's the place to be!" James shouted back, already sending flirtatious smiles at a few girls they walked by after being let in the doors. Carlos just nodded in agreement, not feeling like debating Hollywood customs with James. He didn't really feel like they belonged anywhere but with each other. Everything else was just small details.
"Do you think the others are okay?" Carlos wondered, bumping into James when he stopped near the bar.
"You're gonna freak out and worry over everything now too? I need a drink if we're doing this," James gestured to the bartender for two beers, standing even taller with broad shoulders. If they were dressed appropriately, hence the tie he put Carlos in, and James did most of the talking, they were never carded for alcohol.
"Just a soda for me," Carlos smiled politely at the guy behind the bar, who wasn't much older than them. He nodded wordlessly and filled a glass with the dark carbonated drink. "And I'm not freaking out, James," Carlos turned back to his friend, rolling his eyes at the assumption. "They're just on my mind, I guess… Logan's on his first real date with a girl he spazzes over daily. That's a huge deal for him," he paused solemnly and picked up his glass when it was placed in front of him as he thought of the constantly fretful words his roommate let out every night before he fell asleep; revealing fears of messing up a good thing. James snatched his beer quickly and threw a few bills down onto the bar.
"It's Kendall and Sage's two year anniversary," James offered, adding to the conversation while taking a swig of his beer and glancing around the busy club. The colorful lights pulsed across his face as Carlos tried to read it, but he remained neutral.
"Yeah, that's a good thing, isn't it?" he nodded and held his drink just for the sake of keeping it close to him. He had been thinking about the couple spending the evening together at home too, but James almost seemed upset about it.
"Of course it is, but it's kinda bittersweet, right? She went through a lot of fucked up shit, and in their two years 'together'," he stopped his sour rant to make air quotes with his fingers, his beer bottle sloshing around as he gestured, "they've spent more time apart than they have with each other," he finished angrily and took another sip of the cool alcohol. Carlos frowned, feeling remorseful about damaging his friend's usually impenetrable mood. It swung almost as fast as Kendall when he made a slap shot.
"Why does that matter? I thought we were moving past that with them. They're trying to be happy, and they seemed okay when we left. Things will be alright," Carlos reassured him, feeling a slight confusion at the change in their roles. It wasn't too long ago that James was easing his worries, and even Carlos had started this conversation with his own concern, but now James was looking at him and gripping the edge of the bar until his tan knuckles were whitening.
"It's just… sad… It's really sad," James mumbled but his voice traveled loud and clear to Carlos' ears even through the music blasting around them.
"Look, man. It's going to be- " Carlos started by placing a hand on James' shoulder, trying to get him to face him after having turned his head downward, but he stopped when the boy shrugged him off with a wide smile.
"We should party now! We came here to have fun, right?" James didn't wait for an answer as he donned a gleeful expression, all traces of sadness now buried deep inside where he thought they belonged.
Carlos attempted to call him back, but James just danced into the crowd and chatted up a few pretty faces along the way; completely ignoring the sound of his name. With a sigh and a slump of his shoulders, Carlos spun in the opposite direction and immediately regretted his decision. His hand that was holding the soda collided with a soft body in a flash of blonde hair and brown liquid splattering against silver sequins.
"Oh, shit! I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" Carlos repeated himself with wide eyes as he placed his now empty glass on the bar and turned his focus onto the girl he crashed into. Her expensive looking top was nearly soaked because of him.
"What the hell? This is gonna be such a bitch to get out," she groaned and grabbed a few napkins, trying in vain to dab at the cola on her shirt.
"I'm so, so, so sorry! I wasn't paying attention. I tend to do that…" Carlos rambled and took a few napkins in his hand. He almost made an attempt to help her clean up until he realized that it would mean putting his fingers near her chest, and then he backed off. He made one big mistake already and didn't want to make another so quickly.
"This top is definitely done," she whined and tossed the napkins aside with a pout, pushing her hair behind her ear and looking down to further survey the damage. The roots of her tresses were dark, a stark contrast to the bright blonde she had dyed the rest with. It was crimped and barely touched her shoulders in an angular cut and parted to favor one side more than the other.
"I swear I'll take care of it! My producer can pay for the dry cleaning! He's got this thing that he calls the 'Carlos Fund' for when I mess up. I think stains are covered under that, but I can check just- " Carlos stopped his rant short when she really looked up at him for the first time. Her makeup was perfectly done; dark hues shaded over her brown eyes and a light gloss covering her thin lips that matched the slight blush on her sharp cheek bones. He thought she was beautiful beyond words, and therefore he was reduced to silence and a stupid smile.
"You have a producer?" she asked with interest, grinning softly at him and taking her attention away from the damp fabric on her torso completely.
"Y-Yeah…" Carlos stammered, internally yelling at himself not to look like a fool. "I'm in a new band, Big Time Rush. My producer is Gustavo Rocque. One of my bandmates are around here somewhere…" he told her with a more confident smile as he scanned the area for James, who must have been lost deeper into the club by now.
"I heard about him finding you guys on the news. You're from Minnesota, aren't you? I bet you're really sweet compared to a lot of the men around here, coming from a small town and all," she commented pleasantly, flashing him perfectly white teeth.
"I spilled my drink on you," Carlos reminded her playfully and pointed to her ruined top.
"It was an accident," she insisted with a dismissive wave of her hand as she stepped closer to him. She was thin and small, only reaching his height in the impressively high heels she was standing in. "What's your name?" she bit her lip, and he could have sworn she was flirting with him, which flustered him to no end.
"Carlos Garcia," he recovered as quickly as he could and held out his hand.
"Arielle Prescott," she replied with poise, saying her name like she had announced it hundreds of times. He took her smaller hand into his, noticing the contrast of her slightly tanned skin with his darker tone. Her hand was cold, and he squeezed it tighter.
"Arielle... Like the mermaid?" Carlos inquired enthusiastically, not detecting it when she flinched as she pulled her hand back to her side.
"It's spelled differently," she informed him with a tight smile, not enjoying the comparison to a children's movie.
"I love it," he continued on like he hadn't heard her. "It sorta makes you a princess," he joked giddily and watched her perk up.
"Oh, I guess it does," she giggled and looked a little more content with herself.
"Can I buy you a drink? I promise I won't dump it on you," Carlos bantered, surprising himself with how easily the words were coming out of his mouth. Maybe it was because Arielle wasn't staring at him like he was an idiot. She appeared to be hanging on his every syllable and leaning into him with interest.
"I'd like that," she smiled and took a seat at the bar with Carlos beside her. The bartender was already hovering near them after watching a drink being wasted, knowing that another order was in his future. "A martini please?" Arielle barely looked at the young man behind the bar before her dark brown eyes were back on Carlos, who was struggling not to laugh at her drink choice. Hollywood was still a trip for him sometimes. He hadn't ever really seen someone drink a martini before. In Minnesota, it was all hard liquor stolen from parents' stashes and beer wherever they could score it.
"Nothing for me," Carlos denied the bartender, thinking one accident with staining liquid was enough for the night. His record was six, and he wasn't hoping to get anywhere near that when he had the unusual company of a beautiful girl. "So, are you here alone? How long have you been in California? What do you do?" he babbled again before he could stop himself.
"Wow, you ask a lot of questions," she chuckled and tasted her drink daintily when it was placed in front of her.
"Uh, my friends say that I'm too curious for my own good. It gets me in trouble sometimes," Carlos admitted sheepishly as he dug into his wallet to pay the bartender, who was waiting with a raised brow. He tipped him graciously, knowing he was most likely going to be the one to come around and clean the mess he made in a few minutes after his current rush died down.
"Curiosity killed the cat," Arielle mumbled good-naturedly, causing Carlos to laugh as he spun in his stool to face her with a high amount of energy. She watched him from over her glass, seeming to be studying him as if she could learn everything she needed to know with just her eyes.
"Are you going to answer any of my questions, or are you just gonna stay a mysterious, secretive princess the whole night?" he smirked with growing confidence, silently thinking James would be proud. In fact, he was wondering where the hell James had danced off to, but he wasn't too concerned at the moment because Arielle was smiling at him again.
"Well, I'm here tonight with my friends, but they get distracted easily," she paused, seeming aggravated by the fact she shared, but she moved on with a full smile. "I've lived in Los Angeles my whole life, and I'm a model, or at least an aspiring one," she announced with pride, rubbing the stem of her glass with her thumb as she never faltered once over her speech. She spoke smoothly and securely, and that had Carlos enthralled.
"You're very pretty," he commented randomly, rolling his eyes and huffing at himself when he realized that he spoke out loud.
"Thanks… It tends to come with the job," she joked, her laughter low and melodic as if only he was supposed to hear it over the music, which he had gotten so used to that it hardly filled his head anymore. "But you're a musician, right? You must be really talented. I bet you'll be a star in no time," she smile a little more seductively at him, and Carlos had to remind himself to breathe.
"Hopefully. That's the plan… It was actually my two friends that got us here, though. It's a really long story," he trailed off, trying his best not to ramble like he normally would have.
"I'd love to hear it," Arielle leaned into him further, and he just stared at her.
"Are you serious?" he nearly whispered. No one ever wanted to listen to him speak for lengthy amounts of time unless it was Sage and the guys.
"I'm very rarely not serious," she informed him wittily, and that startled him a bit. So far, it seemed like they were polar opposites, but it also felt like she was interested in him.
This could quite possibly turn into one of the best nights of his young life.
"This place is nice," Camille remarked with a pleasant smile, staring at Logan from across the table. A small candle flickered between them and there was some sort of violin music filtering faintly through the speakers.
The stuffy atmosphere had Logan feeling like he couldn't catch his breath. He traced a line in the condensation on his cup of ice water as they waited in silence for their meals. He had only ever been to restaurants like this when his mother took him on the occasional business trip with her, but even Laura knew he didn't like it; often letting him stay in the hotel room to order room service. It didn't feel like it was where he belonged, but he wanted to impress Camille.
"Yeah, it got good reviews online," he told her smartly, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together until he couldn't feel the dampness from the glass on them anymore.
"Are you nervous, Logan?" she asked with a sigh, raising an eyebrow at him and leaning back in her seat so that her dark locks fell behind her shoulders and revealed the detailed neckline of the dress she wore. It was blue, Logan's favorite color, and the hem fell just above her knee. The color was perfect against her pale complexion and brunette hair.
"What? No way…. Wh-Why? Do I seem nervous?" he wondered anxiously, letting out a short squeak of apprehensive laughter as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"You're fidgeting. You kicked me like three times," she told him. Her grin was as wide as his eyes.
"Oh, fuck. I did?" he glanced at the table, almost looking underneath it to see how close his legs were to hers. She giggled at his language, knowing he tended to shy away from profanity unless he was stressed.
"No, I'm teasing you. Relax, Logan. It's just me," she reached out and took his hand on the tabletop, caressing the back of it until he flipped his arm over so he could curl their fingers together.
"I know… Why is this so weird? It shouldn't be, but it is," he groaned and ran the palm of his free hand over his face.
"Maybe it's because this is our first date… It's actually my first, first date," Camille admitted shyly, suddenly taking an interest in the prongs of the polished fork beside her own glass of water.
"You've never been asked out before? Now I feel like I should have done something more special. All I did was word vomit on you," he pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling like a failure before the date really started, but then he donned a curious expression. "Wait a second. There's no way that you've never been out with someone before. You're you! You're a beautiful actress with an outgoing attitude."
"Thanks for the compliments, but I think I mostly just intimidate people or something… I mean, I intimidated you, didn't I?" she wondered, worry marring her usually happy features.
"Eh, I get intimidated by everyone," he shrugged and grinned, realizing that they hadn't stopped holding hands. "And this is my first real date too. I've been on some doubles with James before, but you're the first girl I chased," he smirked and leaned forward. He squeezed her hand tightly, glowing when he earned a grateful smile from his dinner date.
"I'm flattered," she joked, blinking her long lashes dramatically and making him relax. "But, really, thanks for asking me out, Logan. I didn't think it was going to ever happen, but I'm so glad it did… I like spending time with you. It gets lonely in the apartment sometimes. Being with you, the guys, or Sage is way more entertaining than reading scripts by myself," Camille explained gleefully, a slightly sadder tone lacing her words enough for Logan to catch it.
"Sage loves it when you come over," he told her, inwardly cheering when he saw her light up fully.
"And I love being there. It's like having family around again," she smiled and straightened up in her chair as she fiddled around with the silverware in front of them randomly.
"Do you miss Connecticut?" Logan guessed. He frowned when she titled her head in thought.
"I think I miss the people more than the place. I love it here in Hollywood, and I would never give up my dream after spending so much of my life on it, but I wish my parents were here sometimes. I only see them on holidays now that Dad moved back for work… But I'm a big girl, right? I can make it on my own," Camille assured him with a confident nod and a fake smile.
"You definitely can, but you don't have to… Remember that, okay? We're here, and there are people other than blood relatives that can take care of you. It took me a while to learn it, but it's true," he paused, his memories of his childhood flooding through and making him feel even closer to Camille than ever. "I was kind of in the same boat as you, with no parents around. My mom is a workaholic and my dad doesn't live anywhere near me, so I learned to make my own family… It wasn't easy all the time, but I'd never trade it for anything, even though my brothers are nuts," Logan joked and kept her hand in his own, delivering small squeezes of comfort and gentle caresses with his thumb to the back of her hand as he spoke.
"We're all crazy. It's the only way to get anywhere in this town," Camille chuckled and leaned even further into the table, almost as if she were doing it to get closer to him. He found himself doing the exact same thing.
"I wish I could sit next to you," he spoke without thinking and instantly started blushing when he repeated the words over and over again in his head like he was torturing himself for his stupidity.
"I wish you could too," she responded right away, easing his nerves before they really flared up, "but the seating is kind of restricted in here," she smiled and glanced around the restaurant. He had nearly forgotten where they were. The stuffy atmosphere felt like it had come back with a vengeance to push him down. The soft elevator music made his ears tingle uncomfortably and the too quiet chatter made him feel out of place.
"I think I made a mistake," he declared suddenly. Camille jumped in her seat.
"What?" she asked in worry, thinking that she was about to get dumped before the date even begun.
"I don't think this is the place for us… Do you want to go get burgers and see a movie to make fun of the bad acting?" he gave her a lopsided grin and stared at her with mischief in his eyes.
"Yes!" Camille was relieved and excited. She giggled and followed Logan's lead, standing up as he did and reluctantly letting go of his hand so that he could toss some money onto the table for the meals that hadn't even arrived from the kitchen yet. He didn't care how expensive the date had become. He just liked seeing the way Camille was beaming with enthusiasm beside him; because of him. He was almost sure he'd give up his high IQ just for that smile.
Sage snuggled further into Kendall's side, both of them keeping their eyes on the large television mounted to the wall in front of the couch. The evening was peaceful and satisfying with nothing to worry about; no school, no Gustavo, and no therapy. It was just them for a change, and they both took advantage of it in the way they used to; with relaxation and no anxiety in sight as they communicated softly with and without words. They coexisted with hardly any effort, moving with or around one another devoid of discomfort. Having time home to themselves was a luxury they forgot used to be theirs daily in Ramsey when Karen would work and Katie went out. It provided them with no fears and took limits off of them. Anything could happen.
Kendall slumped further into the couch, one hand was wrapped up in hers on his lap while the other was placed on the side of her neck that wasn't pushing into his chest. He couldn't see her face, and he was grateful for that fact because it meant she couldn't see his. It was covered in a mix of frustration, anger at himself, and lust. He had to blame the horror movie they were watching. It started out okay, a few mysterious murders by some wronged witch and no police officers in sight unless they were dying or stupid, so Sage wasn't running into any triggers that sent her into flashbacks of Elliot. She was the picture of calm for once, and Kendall was the jumpy one.
The customary sex scene had set things in motion. It was something he felt stupid for. It wasn't like he was a virgin, really being so far from it with the active sex life he and Sage had enjoyed in their first year together, but the edited images of two bodies writhing together in false passion didn't read as fake to him. He didn't see the actors. He saw himself and Sage. He saw memories, feeling and reliving them in short flashes behind his eyes.
It made him edgy, shaking his leg in a slow and repetitive rhythm; his foot propped against the side of the coffee table to give him leverage. His hand at Sage's neck had been twirling her hair in a gesture that normally relaxed him, but now all of her tresses were brushed aside and he was pressing his thumb into the bare skin below her ear; rubbing long circles where her pulse thumped beneath his fingers.
Sage pushed into the touch, her mind racing with so many thoughts, but it wasn't a bad stream of consciousness this time. It wasn't Elliot, just purely Kendall. She knew what he was doing. She remembered the signs. It was thrilling to realize that she still knew her boyfriend like the back of her hand. She could hear him without words and see him without vision.
She smirked and held back her laughter as she leaned forward, making his hand slip from her shoulder as she reached out to turn the television off with the remote.
"What's wrong?" Kendall was immediately alarmed, her sudden movement putting him on alert as he looked for tears or signs of discomfort on her.
"Nothing," Sage grinned at him as she twisted her body. They still held hands in his lap, but her other was propped on the couch below to hold her weight. "You were getting worked up. I see no problem there," she told him boldly, chuckling at the shock on his face.
"I was not," he argued defensively. His expression was one of false disbelief, an odd smile and wide eyes controlling it.
"I know you, baby," she whispered, still keeping her grin in place as she leaned toward him. "Your leg fidgets and you become obsessed with my neck when you get like this," her tone was teasing, but there was a slightly seductive quality to it as well, which was only emphasized when she spun around fully to rest on her knees and drop a kiss onto his cheek. "You did it every time we were waiting for Karen to disappear so you could get in my pants," she pulled back with a full smile that had him sighing and shaking his head as he cracked one of his own.
"How do you know me so well?" he wondered in playful exasperation while squeezing her hand. He tugged it up towards his head and nipped the side of her palm in a lighthearted attempt at punishment for calling him out. She giggled and didn't pull away.
"It's because I love you more than anything, and I pay attention to all the little details," she told him cheekily before dropping her voice lower. "I like all of your quirks," she whispered again, inching forward to place a kiss on his shoulder. It didn't matter that her lips met the fabric of his shirt. It still felt like fire on both ends.
"You have them too," he informed her after taking a calming inhale and exhale.
"Oh, really?" she smiled and raised a slim eyebrow as she bit her tongue.
"Mhm," he murmured, cupping her face and trailing his thumb along her delicate jawline, "When you get… worked up…" he struggled for the appropriate phrase. They used to be able to say anything and everything to each other, no matter how obscene, but he had to be careful now. He shook the bad feelings away with a small jolt of his head. He didn't want to ruin this minuscule piece of normalcy they had stumbled upon. "When you get worked up," he started again with more confidence, "you lean into me every chance you get. No matter where I touch you or move, you find me… You blink slower and breathe deeper while you wait for something to happen… You wait for me even though you and I both know you're just as good at taking the lead," he smirked as she chuckled and leaned into the hand on her cheek just as he had described.
"I like when you're in control," she reminded him softly, swallowing thickly as her eyes slipped shut.
"I know," he murmured airily. They both almost expected something more to happen now like it always would have in the past when they were alone, but Kendall's hand dropped away. He didn't want to get enthralled by something he refused to act upon. Sage wasn't ready yet. Neither of them were.
She held back her whine of protest, knowing that Kendall meant well, but Sage didn't want to let this go. There were so many questions and thoughts and feelings swarming at once in her heart and head. They weren't all negative like everything else that plagued her. If they were dominated by anything right now, it was playful curiosity.
"Did you masturbate while we were separated?" she let out the first question that found her lips without hesitation.
"Whoa… Okay…" Kendall laughed incredulously before he realized that she was serious. Then he was almost happy.
This was the Sage he remembered more than anything, the one that didn't put up walls between them, but he struggled for an appropriate answer as his throat constricted. The movie they were watching felt like a distant memory, but now the feelings it brought to his body were trying to creep back in. Sage amped him up with a few simple words. It was an effect she always had on him. Their first kiss had been after only several exchanged sentences, and the rest of their relationship followed suit.
"If I suggested that we just turn the movie back on and forget about this conversation, you'd say no, right?" he guessed with a lazy grin, slightly hoping she'd give up.
"Right," she agreed right away. Her expression slipped into a serious one. "Please, answer the question…"
Kendall groaned in frustration. Thinking of touching himself and talking about it wasn't helping with his already interested libido. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. Normally, this would have been an easy question to answer with Sage, but everything was difficult now. Everything was different.
"Come on, you're a teenage boy. You can't tell me that you never- " Sage was getting closer to him, her other hand finding its way onto his thigh, but Kendall held her back with his words.
"Stop it, Sage," he begged faintly. His heart wasn't fully in it, but his head told him it was the right thing to do.
"Why?" she asked simply, like he was the one acting odd.
"I don't want to get into something we can't finish," he admitted shakily, glancing down at her hand on his leg before looking back up into her eyes with something akin to turmoil.
"We could try," she suggested hopefully as she still moved a bit closer.
"You can't even stay in the bed for more than a few minutes with me," he reminded her gloomily, regretting it when her face dropped. "I'm sorry, baby. You know I don't- "
"I know," she nodded and cut him off, not wanting to hear him be sorry for something he didn't need to apologize for. "You're right, but I still want to try to be with you," she continued hoarsely, sounding as if she was fighting back tears but keeping a brave face on. She scooted towards him and pressed a kiss onto the warm skin of his neck, feeling him shiver beneath her.
"You're gonna be disappointed," he told her slowly, not finding it in himself to fight when she climbed into his lap; straddling his thighs with her own and settling against him.
"You never disappoint me," she smirked and laced her hands behind his head, which he shook vigorously.
"I'm not talking about me… You're going to have to stop yourself… You're not ready," he told her firmly, but his voice kept betraying him and wavering with emotion.
"Help me get ready, then," she fought back weakly. Her chest pressed into his as she trailed gentle kisses along his jaw and his hands gripped her hips tightly.
In actuality, she felt like stopping already. Her chest was burning with terror and anxiety from the intimate position she put herself in, but all she wanted to do was ignore it more than ever before. Her body wasn't prepared for it because of the post-traumatic stress disorder she suffered from, but her mind kept telling her that she wanted it. She had been doing so well in therapy and progressing amazingly that she was gaining back some of the confidence she used to have with her boyfriend. However, Kendall wasn't delusional anymore. He knew that him simply being there didn't make it all okay. Even if she couldn't see it, he could tell that she wasn't ready to make love again. It was too much at once.
"Stop, honey… We gotta slow down," he mumbled delicately and gripped the top of her arms in a gentle hold before she could touch him in a way she'd regret. "You're not prepared for this."
Sage's face was still buried in his neck, and she wasn't fighting him as he slid his hands up and down her arms in a comforting gesture. She was shaking noticeably, and Kendall could feel tears drop onto skin.
"I really want to be," she cried quietly, circling her arms back around his neck to hug him tightly.
"It'll happen," he cooed soothingly as he embraced her with just as much enthusiasm, rubbing one of his palms in a slow circle on her lower back and kissing the chain of her necklace as he pushed his face into her shoulder. "It's just gonna take time…"
"We lost so much already," Sage grumbled angrily, tears still slipping down her cheeks and onto his shirt. "He took so much away from us," she added thinly. She didn't even have to say Elliot's name for Kendall to know exactly what she meant.
"Let's just talk, okay?" he suggested calmly, trying not to let his own sadness take over too much. He let it show, but he didn't want to give in to it out of the fear of them retreating back to hurting each other because of their insane need to comfort one another and forget everything else.
Sage nodded and leaned away, letting him wipe the dampness from her eyes as she relaxed. It was easier to do than it used to be, especially when Kendall was close to her. Her heart settled into a steady rhythm, and he smiled as he thought back to where all of this had started; with her inquiry about his private activities without her.
"To answer your question, yes, I touched myself plenty of times to thoughts of you while we were separated," he grinned as she rolled her eyes and laughed as the tears faded away completely.
"You're supposed to use porn, not your girlfriend," she teased him with a poke to his ribs.
"Forget porn. You're way better… You're real. I know how you feel, how you sound… I know how you taste," he whispered as they instinctively got closer. Just as he could feel her breath on his lips, Sage interrupted him with a small laugh.
"Now you're the one who needs to control themselves," she pulled away just enough to look into his eyes.
"Hey, you can't blame me! You're sitting on my lap," he reminded her, glancing down at the spot where she was seated on his thighs before staring back up at her with a grin.
"You want me to move?" she asked seriously, silently hoping that she wouldn't have to.
"Don't even think about it," he told her strictly, anchoring his hands on her hips. Nothing sexual was going to come out of it, but he had still been dreaming of this contact for a long time, and she wasn't scared of it like he thought she would be. "As long as you can handle it, I want you right here," he spoke fainter.
The fingers he had at her hips brushed beneath the fabric of her tank top, tickling the skin of her sides with little contact, but she stiffened anyway. She gasped harshly and jolted in his lap. On a normal day in their past, that wouldn't have been a bad thing, but this wasn't pleasure. It was fear. Staying calm, Kendall removed his hands and resettled them safely above the fabric of her shirt and took a cue from Logan's ways and decided to talk about it; work through it.
"What do you see when that happens? How does it feel?" he wondered, staring at her stiff body like it could give him the answers if he looked hard enough. Sage took a moment to think, and he could see her lips moving, most likely with silent letters as she spelled words to focus her thoughts back onto Kendall.
"Um, time changes… Everything changes," she furrowed her brow and struggled to describe it correctly. "If I feel threatened, it's like Elliot's here and he's going to hit me, and other times it's like he's going to… touch me," she finished delicately, unsure of how to put it.
"What was it like with him?" Kendall didn't hold back with his words, but he still braced himself for the answer. His heart was already tightening and burning behind his ribs.
"You're sure you wanna hear this?" Sage asked skeptically while looking down at him with a cautious expression.
"Yeah, I want to know as much as I can," he told her confidently and nodded, ignoring the way his muscles twitched with the need to hit something just at the thought of Elliot touching his soul mate.
"Well, it started violent, very violent… He had the knife and refused to take no for an answer in the beginning. He was just a twisted version of that horrible guy we knew. It hurt all the time, and I fought, but not much… The blade stopped that," she murmured and paused as Kendall reached up and traced the scar at her neckline. "That was the first one. Sometimes, when I have nightmares, it's still bleeding," she admitted with a trembling sigh.
"But he said he loved you… How could he do that? How did he turn into the guy that you outsmarted?" Kendall was genuinely curious now, trying in vain to piece the story together himself.
"He did love me. It's the only thing I don't doubt about my time with him… When I told Elliot that I wasn't a virgin, that you took that from him, he was livid, but there was this look in his eyes... I knew he loved me as much as he was cable of because the look he had when I said I slept with you was the same betrayed, angry, and confused look you had when I told you he raped me," Sage confessed forlornly, knowing Kendall would hate the comparison. "You're not the same person. You never will be, but his emotions were real like yours are. They just weren't returned, and they got twisted into something desperate and dark," she drifted off, shutting her eyes as she thought of her home in Ramsey. She fought not to go back there in her mind, and her worries drifted away when Kendall squeezed both of her hands.
"You made him weak when you gave in, didn't you? He turned into a sap," Kendall guessed with a bitter smile, thinking about Elliot in a million new ways; ones that weren't of the monster that hit her and beat him. He started to get a bigger picture, but it still blew his mind. It was so bizarre, yet their world seemed to be composed of abnormality, so he thought he should stop being surprised by it.
"Yeah, he was still cautious, but I think most of that went away when I finally initiated sex with him. Then it was all smiles and talks of being boyfriend and girlfriend and moving to the other side of the country to be together forever," Sage shook her head, still in disbelief at how far she let it get.
"When you slept with him then, after the rape, did you ever…" Kendall couldn't formulate the phrase he wanted, but Sage got it immediately and put on a fierce expression of love.
"No, Kendall. Never… I never liked being with him like that. I pretended to enjoy it, though, just so it would be good for him," she grabbed both sides of his face and kissed his forehead soundly, only pulling away when she needed to breathe. She hated the idea of Kendall thinking she'd find pleasure in someone else. It could simply never happen.
"How sweet of you," Kendall sighed sarcastically. The idea of Elliot believing Sage wanted him made his stomach turn. It was a privilege only he himself ever had, and now it was shared with someone else; someone that he wished he could murder every day.
"I'm sorry that I don't hate him as much as you do… I try, but…" Sage trailed off sadly, cursing herself for not having the right words to say to him.
"I get it, Sage. I really do. Stockholm syndrome isn't your fault," Kendall exhaled heavily with a frown. "I wasn't there. I can only guess how you feel or what you really went through… but I think that's what pisses me off the most; not knowing everything and not getting you when he did. It was you and him when it was supposed to be me and you… I mean, he didn't just have you physically. He got you. He smiled and laughed with you. You guys watched movies," he exclaimed exasperatingly and gestured to the blank television that they had just been watching as if it proved his point that things were too similar for comfort. "He talked to you every day. I didn't even have that before," he finished softer, sadness etching his features as he looked down at their connected bodies again.
"But it was fake," Sage reminded him as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Not all of it… Not all the time," he argued without malice, knowing it was the truth.
"You're right… It wasn't," she confessed reluctantly. Some of her positive feelings of care towards Elliot weren't fabricated. They truly existed.
"I'm… I think I'm j-jealous of him," Kendall choked out, "and it makes me sick, that I could be jealous of someone like that… He used to just be my enemy," he laughed at the term. It sounded ridiculous, but it was the most fitting one he could think of. "But now he's… He's the other guy. He's your ex, Sage," he chuckled darkly at the realization, and she couldn't argue at all.
"When did we get so fucked up? I know it was bad before, but it's like we keep trying to outdo ourselves," she laughed emotionlessly and continued to ruffled his hair with gentle swipes of her hand as he caressed her back.
"We probably set a few records… Should we have a trophy?" he joked lightly and tugged her more towards him.
"I'd settle for a bit of normalcy and sex," she mumbled into his neck with a frustrated huff, knowing that they really weren't terribly close to breaking that barrier yet. Kendall laughed at her admittance. It was a real laugh, one that eased the anxiety and anger left in his heart.
"I promise we'll get there, okay? I'll rock your world as soon as you're ready," he smirked and squeezed her hips as she pulled back to look at him with a playful smile.
"Don't let me down," she teased, knowing it was impossible. She resettled in his lap with her arms still around his neck and thought for a moment. "So, what do we do while we wait?" she frowned and squinted while looking around the room like it could give her an answer.
"You act like sex is all there is to do," he laughed and pressed his head onto her collarbone; kissing the scar there with a small peck while Sage scoffed at him.
"This coming from the guy who had me up against the wall of the janitor's closet at school seven times," she shook her head in mock disapproval, causing him to chuckle into her skin and look up at her.
"It was only seven?" he appeared to be thinking hard, but his smirk was evident.
"I'm not counting the times when school was out, only the ones where I had to be quiet 'cause we were skipping class," she informed him wittily, rubbing the back of his neck with her fingers.
"I like when you try to be quiet. It's funny to watch you fail," he told her friskily.
"Shut up. You're not exactly mute when we do it," she argued back with a soft giggle.
"Fair enough," he gave in, leaning up with intent to kiss her before he realized what was happening. "Wait, how did we get back into the sex thing? I thought we agreed to not claw at each other like animals," he narrowed his eyes like she had tricked him.
"We never had much self-control," she shrugged and kissed him lovingly before forcing herself away.
"Let's go back to the beginning," Kendall suggested suddenly, a mischievous smile donning his features.
"You got a time machine?" she inquired with a giggle as he hoisted her up by the waist so that they were both standing.
"Nope, but I do have an idea… Will you come outside with me? Can you do that?" his expression grew serious as he waited for her response.
Sage thought hard, looking at the dark window beyond the couch. It was well past midnight and no one was around. Plus, Kendall would be with her the whole time.
"I- I think I'd be okay with that," she nodded slowly and instantly sought out his hands to take them into her own.
"You're sure?" he wondered guardedly, giving her every chance to say no.
"Yeah, let's try it," she said with more faith in herself. "Where are we going?" she asked as he pulled her to the door, not even letting her put shoes on. He didn't bother either, leaving them both in socks.
"On our first date," he smirked and held her close as they slipped into the hallway.
Sage remembered it from when she chased after James, and it still made her nervous, but Kendall was easing that away into a dull apprehension in her gut. It was silent except for their shuffling against the carpet as he led her to the stairs, moving down them slowly and letting her set the pace while he kept an arm around her at all times. With Kendall's guidance, Sage found herself at a side door that revealed the pool, and then she knew what he was doing.
It was different, with chlorinated water and a building towering around it, but the body of water did remind her of their "spot"; the place they spent their first night together.
"Do you want to swim?" she asked, remembering her words to him that night exactly two years ago. They came so easily, syllables passing her lips with a sweet taste and fond memories.
"We don't have suits," he bit his lip and quipped back with his own remembered phrase.
"Our clothes will dry," she told him with a gentle smile.
The environment was a stark contrast to Ramsey. Sounds of traffic littered the air along with a warmer heat, and the lights of the Palm Woods brightened the area of the pool better than any moonlight, but the little details didn't matter right now. Sage kicked out of her socks while Kendall did the same and tossed both of their cell phones onto a lounge chair. She saw him pause but didn't understand why until she really looked. His hands were at the bottom of his shirt, about to take it off before he realized that it might trigger her.
"Go ahead," she encouraged him with a faint voice, watching like a hawk as he shed the clothing.
It made her shiver in both desire and pure fear; a mix that caused her to frown before she was able to fully brush it away and remember that she could handle it. After swallowing the lump in her throat, she bravely closed the distance between them and touched the hard planes of his stomach with the tips of her fingers. The last time she did anything like it, it was with Elliot, and she was sure that it was what would have ruled her mind now, but she just felt Kendall. The muscles were a little more noticeable than what she remembered, increasing with his various physical activities during their time apart. She bit her tongue hard, giving herself something to focus on when the anxiety started creeping its way up her spine. When the fear reached a high level, she let go; not wanting to push too hard too fast.
"Are we gonna get caught by Bitters?" she asked, looking around for the hotel manager she had heard a lot about, but the lobby was dimly lit and completely empty.
"No, he's asleep," Kendall whispered and watched her hands hovering near him. He could read the fright as it battled with frustration on her features. "Come on, you can admire my amazing body later," he joked to break the tension, and it worked like a charm. Sage chuckled and let him lock their fingers together.
They sat on the edge of the pool first before sliding in quietly, not making too many waves when they slipped into the water. As they floated together, Sage stayed close to Kendall, almost like she was unwilling to let him go as she continued to take in the new surroundings. It wasn't as bad as it could have been because she spent plenty of time scanning the pool from her view in the apartment, but it still had her agitated. The space was open and full of fresh air. She was unaccustomed to it, and it was something that she was used to not being allowed to have. It almost felt like she was breaking the rules, not just Elliot's but also her own. She had to work on getting past that mindset, and being with Kendall while she did it was a good start. The sensation of his hands on her sides as they swam in the water helped remind her of what she was working for.
"Tell me all your secrets, Sage Henderson," he spoke the same words from that night again. It made her light up and hug him tightly, forgetting not to put her hands any lower than his shoulders for just a moment.
"You know them all, Kendall Knight," she murmured into his damp shoulder. He laughed and kissed the side of her head, maneuvering so his arms were more securely around her. "You're not gonna to let me go until we get back to the apartment, are you?" she guessed with a light chuckle as she smoothed his wet bangs out of his eyes.
"Not unless you beg me to," he smiled, but it wasn't the joking one she was expecting. It was soft and sad. "I feel like I'm supposed to protect you… I mean, I know I did before, after the first night I saw Elliot hurt you, but the need is so strong now. It controls all of my thoughts," he confessed grimly, struggling not to think of it as a bad thing, but something in the back of his mind told him that it would get him into trouble.
"You're doing better… You only hit James once when I was crying that time in therapy," she smirked, but her heart wasn't in the teasing either.
"Yeah, but I still feel like I could destroy the world to get to you," he told her somberly as the water moved slowly around them with every gentle kick he gave with his legs to keep them afloat. "I don't want to lose you again… I won't lie, and I'll admit that I could survive without you because of the guys. I'd never leave them, but it's not the life I want. I'm never completely happy without you… The last time I let my guard down and took a risky chance with you, I left and never saw you again… I let you get hurt," he looked away in shame, but Sage immediately had a finger under his chin to force him back up to meet her eyes, which were coated in determination and care.
"Kendall, no… You didn't let anything happen. Elliot had it planned. We were both screwed," she reminded him sternly, but she couldn't deny her own feelings too. She knew what he was experiencing.
The guilt and responsibility she was carrying was consuming. She constantly thought that she should have seen something going on in her stepfather's head; that she should have seen the signs. She should have known that there was more to her mother's death. Instead of grieving, she should have fought; knowing that Julia would have never left her by choice. Even through these negative feelings, Sage thought about her new goals. She had to stop blaming herself. If she believed Kendall shouldn't, then she shouldn't either. It was too unhealthy for the both of them.
"If I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes, I'm not sure I'd believe it," Logan's voice carried through the quiet space, jostling Sage and Kendall out of their intense gaze of understanding. "Very good," he looked right at Sage, thinking he didn't need to say anymore. She was outside of the apartment, and she was doing okay by the looks of things. It was a huge step to tackle, and she was taking it in stride. She smiled back and leaned into Kendall.
"Did you kiss her?" she wondered excitedly, abruptly changing the subject to Camille and Logan's night out when she thought about it.
Logan rolled his eyes, but he was already thinking about his date. They had fun at the movies, yelling at the screen and giggling in the back row in the relatively empty theater to whatever film was showing when they strolled up to the cinema. He had walked her to her door from the back entrance to the building because her apartment was closer to it, and he arrived home to an empty apartment of his own. Before he panicked too much, he caught sight of the couple in the pool and waltzed down there with a smile.
"I'm not James. I don't stick my tongue down all of my dates' throats," Logan waved off her question dismissively and blushed, really wishing he did kiss Camille, but the timing didn't feel right yet.
"No one said anything about tongue," Sage told him mockingly.
"Ah! You were totally thinking about it," Kendall laughed at his friend, watching Logan already start to stammer as he thought about Camille again.
"Shut up," he grumbled, "Bitters is gonna hear us," he chastised him and scanned the area nervously.
"He sleeps like the dead. All the crotchetiness wipes him out after a long day," Kendall smirked and splashed water at Logan playfully while still keeping an arm around Sage.
"How'd the anniversary go?" Logan wondered with interest, settling down at the side of the pool with his legs folded beneath him and a grin on his face.
"Perfect," Kendall assured him, dropping a kiss onto Sage's shoulder; a form of contact that may not have been possible a few weeks ago. They were moving forward slowly but surely.
"Carlos, I think I'm hungry."
"Well, yeah. You puked at the club. Your stomach's gotta be empty."
James' voice rang loudly through the open lobby doors, and Carlos' was a bit softer but not by much.
"You guys, what happened?" Logan called out to them in exhaustion, not even getting up from where he was sitting. He could stare at them in disapproval just fine from a seated position.
Carlos turned at the sudden sound, and James groaned as he was yanked to the side with him. He was being propped up by his friend, looking a little unsteady, but then he was just smiling again and letting Carlos keep him upright.
"You're outside!" the Latino ignored Logan and led James out of the lobby and towards the pool, where Sage was nodding and biting her lip with a smile. "That's so cool," Carlos cheered a bit, jostling James with the movement.
"It really is," Kendall agreed with glee, continuing to float in the water with her in his embrace.
"Let's talk about Sage in a minute. She's not the problem this time," Logan meant nothing bad by it. All of his negative feelings were directed at James. "Are you drunk?" he asked it like it was a useless question, but he was having trouble believing it. He hadn't seen James really intoxicated in a very long time.
"I haven't been out in a while, and I may have overdone it this much," James slurred a bit and squeezed his thumb and forefinger together with a giggle.
"It was more like this much, buddy," Carlos informed him, smiling as he spread James' arms open wide, which, for some reason, the taller boy found hilarious.
"Why did you let him drink like that?" Logan stared up at Carlos in shock and condemnation, speaking over James' laughter.
"I kinda lost track of him early on… I met a girl!" Carlos started sheepishly, but then his face brightened and he looked like it was Christmas as he thought of Arielle, who had given him her number before James stumbled towards him and told him he got sick in the bathroom.
Sage appeared to be excited for Carlos, almost opening her mouth to ask a question, but Kendall and Logan were too concerned with James.
"You need to keep an eye on him," Kendall complained, his eyes widening as he watched his drunk friend sway as he tried to stand on his own.
"He's not usually like this," Carlos argued weakly, staring at James with a pout.
"That's what worries me," Logan mumbled and ruffled the top of his hair in thought.
"Calm down, Loges. I'm fine… I solemnly swear it!" James cut in, giggling again as he tried to salute. The only thing that made them relax was the truth that flashed in his glassy eyes for just a moment. He'd be better by morning, and most likely regretting how he dealt with the stress once he woke up with a killer headache. "Can I swim?" he asked abruptly, sounding like an eager child. It almost reminded them of Carlos on an average day, and the comparison only got freakier when they were standing side by side with the same goofy smile.
"Will you drown?" Sage teased and he narrowed his eyes on her.
"Listen, missy, I'm a great swimmer," James made a stern face and pointed at her, but his smirk was still glued in place on his lips. He stumbled trying to take his shirt off, but he was ultimately successful. Kendall held Sage tighter, unsure of how uncomfortable she would be, but he didn't say anything.
"Keep your pants on, James," Logan told his friend, who was fiddling with his jeans like it was a complicated puzzle. He stared up at Logan, finding the boy looking both tired and amused.
"My pants are on?" James laughed and stared down at his clothing. "Look at that," he said with a grin, kicking off his shoes. "That's not usually how my nights out end," he seemed confused but compliant as Carlos appeared beside him again when he swayed.
"You should probably steer him towards the shallow end, Car," Sage smiled, really starting to get worried that James would drown if he jumped in. Carlos nodded and chuckled, following her advice with a firm grasp on his intoxicated brother's wrist.
As soon as he was settled in the pool, Carlos followed him; fully dressed except for his shoes like he had swum in clothing a million times. James splashed him and shoved him under the water with a dazed smile, effectively starting a wrestling match. Carlos was easily winning because of James' inebriated state, but neither one of them seemed to care. Sage settled into Kendall's arms and as they rested near Logan, relishing the fact that the only thing that mattered to her in that moment were the sounds of her family's soft laughter. Even in the new surroundings, the fear didn't have full control anymore.
A/N: I think my personal favorite parts were Arielle/Carlos (because I want to hug that adorable kid SO fuckin' much) and, of course, Kage :) I loved having the opportunity to have a full scene with them. The timing and progression felt right (and there will be more ;)
And thank you to harvestmoonrox for the name "Arielle" :) She was one of my first huge Carlos lovers over here, so I let her pick the name a while back when I was outlining :)
Please REVIEW and let me know what you thought of this chapter :D As usual, anonymous reviews are enabled :) I appreciate any feedback and I love meeting fellow readers/fans of BTR. Don't be shy :)