A/N: I don't own it.

This story is rated M for adult situations, content, and themes. It contains lemons. If you are not at least 18 years of age, please

Thank you to HammerHips for allowing me to use the "Molehill of Meh". If you don't know what I'm referencing, you should definitely check out the merged blog of the Lambs and the Whitlock Harem when it goes live, because the segment "Major Turn-Offs" will change the way you view lemons, guaranteed. She's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.

Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.

***For those who are interested, RemyKilday created 3 beautiful banners for Control in her Polyvore. The links are up on my profile if you're interested in looking at them. Give her some love for her great work!

Chapter 37: Your Secret Love

Oh, yes
A kiss in the dark
A certain time I can call you
A letter of love
But no name did you sign
Pretending to all
That we were just friends when I saw you
I didn't know that you wanted me to be
I didn't know that you wanted me for your
(For you) To be
Your secret love

-"Your Secret Love" by Luther Vandross

Jasper POV

I woke up around five AM and simply laid there, curled around Sage, watching her sleep. She seemed so peaceful and serene, her face free of worry for the first time in months. By seven, however, I couldn't keep my mouth and hands off her and began rubbing her back as I kissed her shoulder.

Slowly, her beautiful eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me. "Morning." She murmured.

"Morning." I whispered back, kissing her shoulder again. I sighed. "Did you know… that you have three tiny freckles on the back of your neck? And that if I were to play Connect the Dots with them, they'd form an equilateral triangle?"

She groaned, but smiled. "It's too early for Geometry, Jasper… how long have you been awake?"

"A while…" I answered.

"Why? Couldn't you sleep?" there was that damn frown that I'd seen far too much in the past few months.

"I slept very well, Sweetheart." I kissed her shoulder again to punctuate the sentence. "I just have a beautiful, naked woman in my bed and you'll forgive me if sleep wasn't at the top of the priority list." She rolled her eyes as I kissed her lips, but then she frowned again.

"I had a dream last night…"

"What about?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow.

She sighed and her lips drew into a thin line. "I'm… not sure… but there was something important about it." She continued to think for a while and then her eyes got wide and she sat up, her hair cascading over my chest as she reached over me for my phone on the nightstand. "Call Peter. We need to go up to the ranch." She whispered harshly, handing it to me, and then she took off for her room to get dressed.

An hour and a half later, we were pulling up in front of the ranch house and Sage was flying out of the truck as usual, only this time she went the opposite direction and sped off toward the charred remains of the barn.

"What bug crawled in her ear?" Peter asked as we followed her.

I shrugged. "She woke up and just… I guess needed to see something." I frowned as she came into view next to the apple barrel on the paddock side of the barn.

"Peter," she called. "Are all of these barrels this heavy?"

He frowned at her. "Well they've got a cast-iron bottom, if that's what you're asking… to make them harder for the horses to kick over. Why?"

Sage pulled the lid off the barrel to show us it was empty. Then she threw her shoulder into the side of it and began shoving, her feet scrabbling in the dirt as she attempted to linebacker that damn thing into moving.

"Darlin', stop! You're gonna hurt yourself!" I cried, trying to pull her away, but she smacked at my hands.

"Peter, move the barrel." She commanded.

Peter grabbed the rim and tilted it forward before rolling it on its bottom rim. When he set it back down, Sage grabbed the top rim and attempted to imitate him, but couldn't get it tilted.

"Sage, what's going on?" I asked.

"I have more muscle definition than Alice." She said simply.

Peter shrugged. "That depends how you look at it… she's a dancer…"

"But I've done weight training…" she argued before throwing her shoulder into it again.

"Stop." I commanded, pulling her away from the barrel. "Sage, what's in your head?"

"I'm stronger than Alice… and I can't move that barrel." She was making sense in her head… but Peter, Char, and I weren't in her head. "I'm stronger than Alice." She repeated. "And I can't move the barrel… the barrel with a cast-iron bottom… that was not sitting in the middle of the barn when we left for the movies… the cast-iron bottom barrel that was tipped over… and then all of a sudden standing up again, filled with gasoline…"

And there's the click.

"Alice had help." I said, but then I shrugged. "James."

Peter shook his head. "James didn't realize she'd started the fire yet, remember? He threatened you with it… he didn't realize she'd already made the attempt."

"Then who?" Charlotte asked and her eyes shifted around as though the culprit would suddenly appear.

"Benjamin." Sage answered at once. We all stared at her. "It makes sense! He gets hired right before it happens… and he was working with the horses… because all the horses have a healthy level of Stranger Danger… and Alice wouldn't go near them when she was here with us… they wouldn't know her… she needed someone to get to know the horses."

I scowled at that. "Where is he?"

Peter shrugged. "I had to let him go after the fire… what was he gonna tend to? No horses here."

"Does he know where the vineyard is?" I asked quickly.

"No. And Diablo is fine." He assured me.

I thought a moment.

When we went into the barn that day…

Benjamin was in Diablo's stall.

"He burned Diablo… singed him." I muttered. "That explains why he was in there makin' nice with him… you don't need to be in the stall to refill the troughs."

"Jas?" Sage asked. "What's up?"

"I think he's the one who hurt D." I sighed. "I guess we need to call Detective Marcus." I pulled Sage to me and tucked her into my side. "I don't want you wandering off." I whispered into her hair. "If Benjamin is helping Alice, then he's dangerous… and I can't sit by your bedside and pray you'll wake up again… I can't do that again, Sweetheart. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." She whispered as I tilted her chin up and claimed her mouth.

Peter coughed and we broke apart to see his I know I'm an asshole smirk. "Get a room."

Sage giggled. "Too late."

"I knew it!" Charlotte crowed, making us all jump. "Peter, Baby, you owe me that diamond tennis bracelet!"

"Fuck." He grumbled.

"But you called me yesterday." I argued. "You acted like you knew it was gonna happen."

"Of course it was gonna happen! I just thought it'd happen today!" and then he stalked off toward the house. "Couldn't keep your wang in the hanger for another twenty-four fuckin' hours… Jesus, Jasper!"

"Speaking of…" Sage murmured, grabbing the front of my belt. "Char, mind if we go break in that bed?" I cocked an eyebrow at her but she gave me a secret wink.

"Not at all, Sugar." Charlotte smirked and we headed off toward the house.

Once we'd locked ourselves in my room, I turned to ask her what she had up her sleeve, but she held a finger to her lips and climbed onto the bed. She seemed to be waiting for something and the longer I stood there watching, the more foolish I felt.

Finally, a floorboard creaking just outside the door alerted me to someone else's presence and Sage immediately grabbed hold of the headboard and began shaking it back and forth, rattling it against the wall.

"Oh, Schwoogie-Muffin! Oh fuck! Oh my God, Schwoogie-Muffin! Yes! Yes! YES!" she yelled and the sound of retreating footsteps met my ears.

"Char! Run! She's fuckin' fantasizing about me while Jasper's fuckin' her! Run! He'll probably fuckin' shoot me!"

She collapsed into giggles and I rolled my eyes and joined her on the bed. "I don't think he actually bought it… I think he was playing along. Peter can run a hell of a lot faster than that."

She snickered. "So what… maybe he won't eavesdrop now." I shrugged and leaned down to kiss her. "My shoulder hurts."

"I'm not surprised. You're not a football player, Sweetie, you're Sage… and Sage does not have shoulders that can take ramming into a barrel like that." She rolled her eyes as I kissed her again. "Come on, take off your shirt and let me get a look."

She snorted. "You just wanna get my shirt off me."

"Of course I do… and you've provided the perfect reason."

Sage sighed. "Maybe I'm not in the mood to have sex." My face fell at that. I'd been hopeful that what we'd shared last night had been a start to a new chapter in our relationship. "I'm kidding." She groaned before yanking on my shirt and kissing me tenderly. She sucked my lower lip into her mouth and bit it lightly.

"Don't start somethin' you can't finish." I warned her, internally groaning when I realized my voice had gone husky almost as soon as I was hard.

"I intend to finish." She answered, smiling at the double-meaning of her words. "The question is whether or not you're going to help me."

I groaned and began trying to undo her pants. "I wanna help." I kissed her forcefully, frustrated that I couldn't get her belt undone. Instead, I simply slid my hand under the waistband of her jeans and moaned as my fingers immediately met soft flesh. "No panties today?"

"Well, I figured we'd be getting up to something today…" she grinned mischievously. "I just figured no panties meant easier access… and maybe something to tease you with."

I pinched her clit and smiled as she bucked against my hand. "No teasing me…"

"Oh, but you can tease me?" she whispered breathlessly. I nodded. "That hardly seems fair."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss her again, but a noise outside the window made me bolt upright, my eyes narrowed.

"Jas?" I clapped a hand over her mouth, knowing I'd probably pay for it later.

Footsteps…

I heard Peter go upstairs.

I assume Char's with Peter…

And they both know not to go creeping.

I leaned down and put my mouth against the shell of her ear. "Sage, I want you to stay here. This is not like when we came home on my birthday, do you understand me?" she nodded. "I meant what I said. I won't be able to take it if something happens to you." I removed my hand from her face and gave her a quick kiss before I stood and crept down the hall.

I paused a few feet from the living room just as the screen door creaked lowly and then there was a scuffling sound, a thud, and a grunt, and I rushed forward to find Peter holding Benjamin in a sleeper hold. He had already passed out.

"Pete! Pete!" I yelled, grabbing his shoulder. "He's out, let him go. You'll kill him."

"Peter Clancy Hansen, drop him right now!" Charlotte yelled from the top of the stairs. Peter dropped him immediately.

Clancy?

Wow.

Remind me never to cross Peter's parents.

They're fucking cruel.

And as if on cue, Sage's laughter floated down the hallway.

"Sage, come on out. Clancy got him!"

"Fuck you, Jasper. At least my first name's normal." Peter growled.

"Hey! I like his name!" Sage defended, and I smiled as I felt her arms slide around my hips. "Scared the spinach out of me for a minute there." I grimaced at her joke, but had to smile. She'd been eating baby spinach with every meal, so it probably wasn't far from the truth.

Peter nudged Benjamin's prone form with his foot and sighed. "Baby, call the cops. If he stays here too much longer, I may fuckin' kill him."

"Why was he creeping around, do you think? Maybe coming after us? Hoping to get one of us alone?" Sage murmured.

"I guess we'll know when he wakes up." I sighed. "I guess I'm not gettin' sex now, huh?"

She smirked into my side as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "No. Decidedly not. The only thing that would kill the mood more would be Emmett."

Sage POV

Detective Marcus and two uniformed officers showed up less than fifteen minutes after Char made the call and carted Benjamin away with a promise to keep us apprised.

Right.

Because the boys really want to be apprised. They want to beat him to within an inch of his life.

Still, for now they felt at ease enough to leave Char and I alone in the house to drive up to the vineyard and check on Diablo.

"So…" Char wheedled as we sat on the porch swing.

"So… what?" I asked, knowing exactly what she was asking.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and huffed. "How was it?"

"The first or the second time?" I asked, forcing Char to snicker.

"The first?"

I sighed. "Pretty much like you said. It hurt. A lot. But he was gentle and sweet." I blushed. "I mean… it felt good… once I got around the pain." She nodded. "I mean… I wasn't soaring over the Peaks of Passion or Crashing against the Rocks of Ecstasy…" I snorted a laugh. "More like traipsing over the Molehill of Meh… that was OK." Charlotte's laughter was such now that she was turning purple from lack of oxygen. I rolled my eyes. "But the second time was…"

What was the second time?

Amazing?

Fantastic?

Orgasmic?

That last one was a definite.

"The second time was…?" she prompted.

I smiled. "There are no words... Amazing… doesn't seem to really fit." She snickered. "It was a different side of him that time… he was more forceful… more confident and I think that helped me too."

"The first time is always the bitch. And unless they're completely un-teachable, it gets better each time."

I snickered. "Apparently so… don't tell him what I said about the Molehill, though… he tried really hard to be gentle and he gave me mine first… you know… I guess he figured it wouldn't be all passion and pleasure for me the first time so… I don't want him worrying that I didn't like it."

Charlotte cocked her head to side and studied me for the longest time. Eventually, I became uncomfortable and shifted a bit. "You love him." She whispered.

"I do not." I answered automatically.

That is such a lie.

Such a fucking lie.

If there was anyone in the world I could love, it would be Jasper.

And it is very nearly possible that I do.

I'm so not up for copping to it.

"OK." She replied, simply letting it drop.

Oh yippee. Something new to discuss with Doctor Cullen.

I'm just the most mixed up bag of nuts I could possibly be.

Goody.

Fantastic.

Shoot me.

The boys pulled up in Peter's truck and hopped out, stepping quickly onto the porch and leaning against the rail.

"Mom and Dad are fine." Peter told Charlotte. "Diablo's fine." He shot at me. I nodded. "It's a fuckin' good thing you're mind just goes there, Parsley. If you hadn't had the thought about the barrel, we'd have been thinkin' everything was hunky-dory and I might not have been waiting for him to show up." I smiled.

"We should probably get going." Jasper murmured quietly. I frowned, but he simply shrugged. "We didn't pack bags, Sweetheart, and quite frankly, I'd rather not stick around to see what clusterfuck happens next. Let's just go home, you and me, and have a quiet evening. We don't get enough of those."

Sure… quiet…

Jasper doesn't want quiet.

Jasper wants…

OK, even in my head, I can't be indignant because I want sex too.

Sighing, I stood and hugged Peter and Char goodbye before following Jasper to the truck, snuggling against him as he pulled away from the house.

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm tired of your ex-girlfriends. Don't date anyone else, OK? I can't take another psycho."

He snickered at that and kissed my hair. "Darlin', I can't date anyone else if I'm with you… besides… I may never leave my bed again after last night."

"Wow… that sucks… I really enjoyed the shower." I smiled as he adjusted himself. "Problem?"

"Huh? No."

I snorted. "Sure." And then I stretched. "My shoulder really does hurt. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to go that second round with the barrel." He immediately withdrew his arm, but I snuggled closer. "It's fine, Jazz. I can deal with the pain to be close to you." I knew he was smiling at that. I sighed and rested my cheek against his shoulder. "Fall Semester starts in a few weeks… did you sign up for classes?"

"Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Been to get your books yet?"

"Nope."

He's hiding something…

"What were you doing on campus with Peter yesterday if you weren't—" I stopped abruptly.

Stupid question.

Why the hell didn't I wonder before?

"You went after James." I whispered and he gripped the steering wheel tighter. I sighed. "OK."

"That's it?" he asked.

Does he want me to yell?

I kinda wanna yell… maybe I should…

"Yeah. That's it." I sighed.

He spared me a quick glance. "I figured you'd be upset."

"I am." I assured him. "But you gave me a pass on not telling you about Family Group, so I'm giving you a pass on this." I squeezed his thigh. "But I meant what I said, Jazz… I don't want any more secrets between us."

Except one very large secret…

Because I think I'd actually drop dead if I told him—

NO! NOT GOING THERE!

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'd like that." He sighed and rested his cheek against my forehead, but I could feel the frown forming. "What about… whatever you aren't ready to talk to me about?"

"That's not a secret. You know there are issues I need to work through."

"That sounds heavily like a caveat."

"It's the truth. You can't rush recovery… you can't make me talk to you before I'm ready or it could set me back… make me shut down."

"That sounds heavily like a threat."

I shook my head. "Jas, what were you telling me yesterday?" he quirked an eyebrow at me. "We're in this together, right? You have a stake in my recovery?" he nodded. "Then don't push. Let me work my recovery.

He growled in frustration but let it drop.

When we arrived home, Jasper drew me a hot bath and left me to soak while he made me some tea and then sat on the counter, smiling at me.

"You're making me feel self-conscious." I chastised as his eyes roved over my body.

"Don't."

I rolled my eyes. "Right. I'm very at ease now." I groaned, sinking further into the steaming water.

He frowned. "You don't want me to look at you?"

I shrugged. "It's a bit new… it makes me worry what you think when you look at me."

His smile returned and he hopped off the counter to sit beside the tub. "Beautiful comes to mind quite frequently." He admitted, leaning over the edge to kiss me softly. "But it's not new… I've always thought that about you." I rolled my eyes. "Sexy is fairly recent, but no less true." He continued, and his eyes took on a faraway look for a moment. When he came back to me, he was smiling. "Perfect is also fairly recent… mostly since I only just saw you completely naked for the first time last night." He chuckled as I splashed water at him in offense. He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm not thinking anything bad when I watch you, Sage." He murmured. "Believe me… they're all good thoughts… not entirely appropriate, some of them are pretty crude." I laughed at his admission. "But they're good thoughts." And then he sighed. "I like to look at you… is that so bad?"

I shrugged. "No… it's just new. I'm not used to it."

He rolled his eyes. "Just because you never noticed men looking doesn't mean they weren't."

I couldn't help the grin then. "What about you?"

Jasper's eyes widened. "You've never asked me how long before." He whispered. I shrugged. "I've been looking for a while, Sage."

"How long?" I asked, curiosity piqued.

Jasper's cheeks flamed and his eyes fell. "I… let everyone but Peter think you were my girl… not just my Pen Pal."

Wow…

Maybe I…

Sighing, I leaned over the edge and ran my fingers through his hair, smiling when he raised his eyes to me. "Everyone used to ask me if you were my boyfriend, and if that's why I was always writing and sending care packages… and I never told them no." it was my turn to blush and then I slid down under the water for a moment to hide my embarrassment. When I surfaced again, Jasper was smiling.

"We're idiots."

"Yes. Yes, we are."

He frowned then and I followed his gaze to my shoulder, grimacing at the purpled blotches that were finally appearing. Instead of dwelling, however, I busied myself with getting clean before pulling the plug and climbing out of the tub.

Jasper wrapped my nice, fluffy towel around me and proceeded to dry me off, even though I snarked that I could do it myself. When he was done, I headed for my room, but he stopped me immediately, snatching me around the waist and carrying me back to his room and laying me on the bed.

He stripped quickly and climbed up to me, pressing his mouth to mine in a fevered kiss as he settled himself between my legs. His erection pressed into my thigh and I smiled as his fingers made their way down to stroke me, but then the pain hit me and I winced.

"Shit!" I whispered hoarsely and he immediately pulled away.

"I'm sorry! What—"

"It's OK." I assured him, gasping at the pain radiating between my legs. "Goddamn…" I let my head fall backward. "I guess I'm a little sore… I wasn't even paying attention with everything else going on today."

"That, and you're shoulder probably distracted you." He murmured, climbing up again and laying beside me. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I smiled. "Jas, it's normal. It happens." I pulled him down to kiss me. "I just don't think we'll be playing tonight." I bit my lip nervously, but he only smiled and kissed me again.

"Just lay with me. Let me feel you." He murmured, drawing the blankets over us.

I snickered as he curled himself around me. "You're really bad at this sex-crazed guy thing, you know that?"

He gently bit my good shoulder before kissing my neck. "More like Sage-crazed. The sex is just a really fucking good bonus." He kissed my shoulder. "Sleep."

I woke up the next morning feeling much better, though my shoulder still ached quite a bit. Jasper was nowhere to be found, however, and it was only after sitting up and stretching that I heard the shower.

Climbing out of bed, I padded quietly into the bathroom and opened the shower stall. I smiled, admiring the way his tanned skin stretched and contracted over the muscles in his arms and back as he moved, and then without warning, I was being dragged under the spray, shrieking.

"You let cold air in, you crazy?" he laughed, kissing me softly. "What were you looking at?"

"You." I answered easily. "I like to look at you." I smiled as his fingertips ghosted over my breasts and down my sides before he gripped my hips and pulled me closer.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he whispered before kissing me again.

"Decidedly less sore." I murmured.

"That's good."

"That's very good." I agreed. No sooner had the words left my mouth, than he pinned me against the wall and pressed into me, kissing me fiercely.

We made love until long after the water ran cold and continued into the afternoon in Jasper's bed.

Made love?

LOVE?

Is that what we're doing?

I don't know…

And I'm not about to admit—

Just. Shut. Up.

Simple.

Fuck.

By the time Emmett and Rosalie arrived home, Jasper was laying on his bed with a book while I pretended to be going over my notes for the final exam for my Photography class. Emmett checked on me before I went to sleep that night, and then I snuck into Jasper's room for a few stolen kisses before returning to my bed.

End Note: Teasers for reviewers