I am so fucking tired. . . .Been all over the damn place since I found Three Dog. Been to downtown D.C., been to Underworld, been to The Museum of Technology, been accosted by super mutants, been threatened by raiders, and was seriously injured. Whoopie-fricken'-doo! Then (after all that fun) I went back to GNR, got the skinny on where my dad's run off to, and then stopped in a settlement known as Grayditch.

Yeah, I'm kinda wishing I hadn't of hunkered down in Grayditch, but, then again, I was too fucking tired to care about those giant ass ants lurking around. All I had wanted was to sleep, rest, scrounge for supplies, and clean my lovely flesh wound that Dr. Barrows had "advised" me to stay off of. God, it hurts like a bitch-kitty!

Fuck, the doctor in me knew I shouldn't of run amuck with that nasty injury of mine 'cause now it's super soar, and a tad infected. Total greatness, right? It's just. . .well. . .that "daughter" side of me wanted to find my dad; I had thought, "To hell with the pain! Grow the fuck up and deal with it," which is what I did. Thank all that is holy for Charon. He had the wherewithal to grab some extra stimpacks from GNR before we left. (At least one of us was using their noggin,' or what's left of their noggin' anyway.)

Shit! How was I supposed to know that those ants I spied were also fire breathing ant fucknuts?! Nope. I just had to assume that they were your run-of-the-mill "giant ant monsters" not your fucking "pyromaniac ant monsters." I mean, seriously? Really? Out of all the ants in the Capital Wasteland to run into, Charon and I had to come across fucktarded fire ants? Fuck me Freddy this sucks balls.

And you know what makes this situation all the more "awesome?" What really ices the cake on this nightmare? It's that I have to be a, "Fucking bleeding heart all of the goddamn time," as Charon so nicely put it. Yup, because of that ticker of mine I made us stay in the said shitty town of Grayditch. Why'd I do that, you ask? Well, because of the whole "bleeding heart" thing. There was this survivor-----a kid.

Just as Charon and I were about to haul ass outta there, we spot this kid running toward us, like God gave him wings or something. . . .This kid, Bryan was his name, lost his dad and didn't know what happened to him. He'd said something about this scientist moving into town, his dad working for him, and some non-sense about a paranoid neighbor etc. What I managed to learn from Bryan's rambling was that not long after this lone "egg head" waltzed into Grayditch then, suddenly, all these damn fire ants start appearing to incinerate all living things. Lovely. . . .

Jesus Christ! Damn my conscience. I. . .It. . .wouldn't let me leave this boy behind--especially when he and I are so much alike. Yes, like me, he's lost his dad and wants to find him; oh, and like me, we're also both orphans of the wastes. With this knowledge (and that fact that he's just a child) I had to help him, so now I'm off to find his dad for him. Hopefully, Bryan's father is still alive. . . .

Crazy bastard just had to go after that scientist dickweed because (putting two and two together) he figured out that that nerdy asshole caused this whole "antsy" situation. Great. . . . What is it with father's today? Is it like some sort of new trend to abandon their children so they can go out to play the hero, or some brahminshit like that? Fuck.

Okay, I know. I know. Getting all hot headed and "Grognak smash" angry isn't the answer to this seriously fucked up situation. I've just got to keep my cool, even if I am all sorts of seriously worn the fuck out. (I swear, I might be developing narcolepsy. I am that tired. I mean, I could fall asleep where I'm standing, fire ants be damned.)

Tiredness aside, I guess I can sympathize with Mr. Wilks's need to pursue that scientist prick; furthermore, I understand why'd he'd want to massacre said idiot scientist's lab experiments gone way wrong. I get it. He wanted to exterminate every last insect to ensure his son's safety, but (more than that) he wanted to knock some sense into "Mr. Scientist Guy." He wanted to end those ant's threat to the wastes for good. . .kind of like my old man. . . .

I suppose that Mr. Wilks wants what every parent wants: a better world for his child to live in. . . .But, did he really have to leave me. . .Bryan alone? No matter how you spin it, abandonment will always remain a bitter reality for those of us left behind----It is a world without security and love. I pretty lonely fucking existence if you ask me.

God! Why can't anything be easy anymore? I've finally got a lead on my dad but can't act on it, for now I've gotta find someone else's father. Shit. . .Charon's right. My bleeding heart does suck, but you know what else? I think having a hollow heart would suck even more. . . .

Still, at least this situation isn't without it's humor. It is fucking ironic, isn't it? Me helping a kid whose lost their dad while trying to find mine? Yeah. . .Oh well. . .I'll do it. That kid needs someone to protect him now that his daddy's gone, and nobody deserves to be abandoned twice. No. Once is more than enough for a child to bear and, believe me, I would know. I've been there. . . .

********

*Thanks Riven for pointing out my "conscience" mistake. Also thank you and Shaykin for your reviews. I really do appreciate them. Now, to explain this drabble a little bit to my readers. . . . .

First off, I know Fred Wilks is dead in his home etc. However, at this point in the game, I didn't want Gemma to be aware of that. I always thought it stupid that Mr. Wilks ended up ant food inside his house, so I decided to embellish the story a little bit. Will Mr. Wilks end up dead in the house anyway? Yes. Then why all this "embellishment?" Well, I thought why not have Mr. Wilks go back to his house to get ammo to pursue Dr. Lesko, and then end up dead by a surprise fire ant attack? It just made more sense (to me) to write it like that.

Also, I thought The Lone Wanderer would have more of a connection with Bryan if he honestly did not know where his dad went etc. I thought by having such a connection, it would also make Gemma think about her own parentless situation; I guess, I wanted to depict Gemma's fragility, as well as anger toward abandonment itself etc.

You see, I never pictured our hero as someone who was totally good or totally evil; in fact, I pictured them as human. Is Gemma good? Yes, she is. Still, Gemma has her own issues, demons, and personal battles to work out. Plus, she's a scared nineteen year old out on her own for the first time in a dangerous environment. I figured, despite wanting to help people, she would feel compelled to stay alive long enough to do what she came to do: meet up with her dad and finish Project Purity. She isn't a super hero after all. She is what she is: Just a girl ( and that's exactly how I introduced her).