I'm half asleep when I board the train. I had gotten plenty of sleep but I'm just tired. Finally, I'm going home. Finally, the games are over and the Capitol will soon be behind me. Sure, I'll have to go on the victors tour, and to the games every year as a mentor, but the rest of the year is mine. No more running from danger, no more fearing for my life, and no more wondering what's going to happen in the future. All I need to know is what sort of relationship I'll have with Jack. After that, I plan to just have a very simple life.

Though I'm still not sure that's right. How many times have I thought that I should do something? That there are problems that need to be solved, and an entire nation to be fixed. Does Panem need me? Does Panem want me? Can I help them? How do I try.

Lounging in a brightly colored dome at the back of the train, with a glass of dark liquid, I stare out some of the many windows. This time they don't mind if I see the scenery passing by. There's a lot of interesting landscape but I barely notice it. I know Jack is on this train somewhere, and I know that he wants to see me. A small part of me wants to see him, too. A larger part wants to wait. I don't know what to say, and I don't know what he'll say. I don't know what he thinks about everything he saw and I'm nervous that he's going to confront me. That he only saw my moments with Gale, and the times when I was pissed off, or that all he remembers is me throwing Toby over the edge of the building.

I sigh and grab a lemon tart to nibble on. Really, it's for the best that I see him and talk to him. It feels too soon but also like it's been far too long since I've seen him. I'm warring with myself and my feelings. But he's my best friend no matter what happened, right? He won't leave me just because of all the things we've been through since my name was called... right? He said he would be waiting for me when I left the arena, and I'm still holding on to that promise. Is he as nervous as I am?

The doors open and I sit up straight as Jack walks in. He stares at me for a minute then smiles, "Snowflake."

A laugh bubbles from me and I put my glass down to my right. Standing, I step into his embrace and for a moment just let everything else melt away. Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to see him again. Of course I wanted to be in his arms, and of course I wanted him to call me snowflake. He leads me to sit again, doesn't let go of my hands, and just smiles at me. He looks older, and he needs a haircut, but he looks better than he did the last time I saw him.

"I missed you," I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper, "so, so much."

"Meg. I want you to know." He takes a deep breath, "I love you, Megan. I have for a long time. The only person I've ever told is my sister and she swore to keep it a secret. I thought... I thought you wouldn't feel the same, or that you were waiting for someone better. But I love you- Why are you crying?"

I sniffle, "I'm not crying, I'm tearing up. And it's cause I'm happy!" One of my hands leaves his and I wipe at my eyes. I wish the only emotion I felt was happiness. But there's so much more and my mind is going crazy. I've been waiting so long to hear that. I went into the games only thinking about getting out so he could say those words. But so much has happened. "I'm sorry!"

"For what?" He chuckles, and grabs my hand again. "You love me, I love you! What is there to be sorry about?"

"We can't just suddenly be together, Jack. All of Panem saw me in love with Gale- and-" I turn away and crouch over, putting my head in my hands. After I take a few deep breaths, his fingers find my chin and drag my face up to look at him again.

"I love you. I've waited this long, and I can wait a bit longer. If you want to talk about everything now we can, but I didn't want to rush you." He searches my face with a concerned look on his. I shake my head slightly and his hand moves to cup my cheek, "Still best friends?"

I laugh softly, "Always and forever. You're not getting away from me!"

He smiles again and leans in, "I'm not going anywhere."

For a while, we lounge back against the seats. We talk about pretty much nothing. What we missed most from home, what we plan to do as soon as we get there. We touch lightly on the subject of us, and I manage to have a little giggle fit when we remember that he promised to dress up and escort me to one of my parties. We can still go together, as friends. Other than that I might not see him for a few days while I get settled in my new house and he spends time with his family. I'll have a housewarming eventually, and family and close friends will always be welcome to visit. Maybe I'll even get a dog! All thoughts of the games have been pushed out of my mind, and it seems to be the same for him. I drink more than I mean to and at some point Jack takes the glass from my hand.

My mind is still a little fuzzy when we finally sit down for dinner with Caelus, James, and Faith. As usual, Caelus sits beside me while the happy couple sit across. After Jack learns that they're expecting, and Caelus is planning to be engaged within the next two months, he does what he usually does and makes everyone laugh and smile. He keeps the conversation up, dragging James into it as often as he can. Center of attention, like always, and making everyone a part of the fun. I really have missed him.

When he's finished eating, I take his hand and drag him away. He doesn't ask why, and neither does anyone else, and I wonder what they're thinking. Are they focusing on the fact that I have the man I've been in love with for so long? Or are they remembering Gale? Do they think I'm broken? Or that I'm rebounding? What is going through their minds as I drag Jack away? What's going through his mind? He's smiling like he's curious so that's probably a good thing, right?

"Meg, where are we going?" He chuckles, pulling on my hand slightly to slow me down.

"I, umm. I don't know?" I stop, and lean against the wall, "I just wanted to get you alone."

"Really?" His smile brightens, "If you had told me sooner I wouldn't have had that second dessert!"

I blush, "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"I was, but I'm happy to get time with you. What do you wanna do? I think I saw playing cards. Or we could watch some TV-"

"No." I make a face, "No more TV."

"Okay, okay. Well, we could make out then go to sleep?"

I don't know if he's joking. Pretending to consider it, I pull him closer. But, is it wrong to be so close to him so soon after everything I went through with Gale? Should I try to let myself be happy? I'll be mourning Gale all my life, but can I really do this to him? We had somehow gotten even closer in our last days together and I had begun to consider how things could have been if I'd loved Gale the way everyone thought I did. I considered how easy it would be. How happy I could be. And how right it might feel. When I lost him, that only made things so much worse. I don't think I just loved him at that point. I'm pretty sure I was in love with him.

"Meg? You zoned out?"

"Yeah, I do that." I don't look him in the eyes, and my fingers play with the fabric of his shirt. I don't know what to say. Obviously, I shouldn't have stopped in the middle of a hallway. I should have kept going and gone with the plan that Jack had thought up. We could be kissing right now but I'm fighting back the emotions I've let build up. "I just want to get some sleep. I'm sorry, Jack."

He nods and takes my hand again, "Do you need to be alone?"

"No!" I say, quickly. A bit calmer I tell him, "I still want to be alone with you. Just stay with me?"

"Alright. To clarify, we're just going to sleep?" He smirks, and I hit his chest lightly. He chuckles, "I was just making sure, snowflake."

I'll always love Jack. But like he says; we've waited this long, and we can wait a little longer. Until things calm down. Until I calm down. And until I decide if I can really seek out a way to destroy that damned Treaty of Treason. I don't want chaos, I don't want anarchy, all I want is peace. I want everyone to understand what we've been putting children through all these years. I want them to understand that it's sick. I want new leaders, new ways to govern. I want change. Panem needs change.

The greatest change needs to be that we can finally feel safe. That we don't have to step cautiously or live in fear even in our own homes. That we can have children without being nearly scared to death that their names will be called at a public reaping, or that they'll be whipped, or their tongues cut out. If rebellion is what it takes for future generations to have comfortable, safe, decent lives; then I'll have to aid that rebellion. Even if I have to leave everyone behind... No, not again. I'll think of something. I know I will. I just don't want anyone else I care about to get hurt.

And late at night, while I'm watching Jack's peaceful face as he rests, I know I can't let him get hurt. It's all my fault that he's been hurt at all and I feel so terrible already. If I got him involved, and if I let him get hurt any more, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If I have to push him away to be sure of his safety, then that's what I'll do. I want to change Panem for everyone. Him included. For his family, and the family I want him to have in the future. If it can't be with me, I'll at least make sure they can be safe.

The thought of Jack having a family makes me smile. I know, just because I know him, that he wants children. Of course he does. He would spoil those kids rotten and make time for them every day. They would be the happiest children in the world. If he ever thinks about it, I'm sure he already loves the children he could have one day. I don't want them to have to fear the Capitol.

I inch closer to Jack's sleeping form, whisper, "I love you," and wonder what I can do to protect him.