Originally Posted: November 1, 2015

I lied… or sort of forgot… but here's another one…

Alternate Storyline 4 – The siege of Bowser's fortress was originally going to be more akin to what happened in the game. The team would storm the castle and confront Bowser's army directly as per what happened in the game. The team would end up being surrounded, whereupon Bowser would challenge Mario to a duel for their right to pass through. He would be defeated of course, in front of his army no less. Mario would then begin to scold Bowser like he does in my current version of the story, except this time in front of his army!

Very little was actually written for this version of the story, and I scrapped this plot line for several reasons. First of all, I found it rather illogical that the Eds and their team, strong as they are, would stand a chance in direct conflict against a whole army (at least up to this point in the story).

I also didn't like the idea of Bowser being told off in front of his army. The reason he was defeated in the solitude of the dungeons in chapter thirty-three was so that he would retain the trust of his followers, while also earning himself a bit of humility by coming somewhat clean with his people on his own terms (of course it's implied in my story that he omits a lot his involvement in the Chaos Heart's creation in his final speech).

Also, I didn't know what to do with Kevin in this version of the story. Having the final confrontation in the dungeon made it much easier to introduce Kevin than it was when the battle with Bowser took place outside of the castle.

Ed, Edd n Eddy's Quest for the Pure Hearts
Thirty-Seven: Same Old Dorks, Brand New World

We couldn't hide forever. But Timpani didn't care.

But just maybe… we could run.

"Argh!" A sudden burst of steam erupted from the engine, singeing Kevin's hand and causing him to drop the wrench he'd been working with. The red-headed athlete then angrily kicked the steam powered furnace, yelling, "Lousy piece of junk! Burning my freakin' hand!" Kevin then picked up his wrench and threw at the door of the engine room where it dented the wooden frame.

Kevin had had it. He'd been given no say in the team's decisions, he'd been forced to accept the koopa king and Princess Toadstool as comrades, despite the fact that they were the reason his family and his home were eradicated, and now everyone on board was treating him like a child! They'd given the Eds, of all people, weapons. Even the squirt and Nazz had weapons of their own, and they stuck him with a shield!

'Those dorks are really screwing me over now!' Kevin thought cynically. 'They think they can just kick me down and order me around? I'll bet it was them who turned everyone on me. Even Nazz!'

Suddenly, the squeaking of a door tore the arrogant boy from his thoughts. "Hey Kevin!" a familiar dopey voice shouted.

"What do you want, you idiot?" Kevin shouted back at Ed.

"Soups on the front porch, and it's been stewing like a raisin in a vat of gravy," Ed told him, which roughly translated into 'dinner's ready.'

"Yeah, whatever. Just get out of here," Kevin replied with a scowl.

"Okey-dokey, Red-and-Smokey!" Ed said with a grin while also alluding to the red, angry glare Kevin had plastered on his face.

Kevin didn't want to have anything to do with dinner. He'd had as much of the Eds, the cul-de-sac kids, and those other creeps as he could take. He slumped against the wall of the furnace room, taking a sip of water from his canteen to rehydrate himself. He began stew in his bitter feelings for the Eds, telling himself how much of a nuisance they were. How unfit they were to be leaders…

'Prophecy, schmophecy… I could still kick the crap out of all three of those bozos any day of the week,' Kevin thought boastfully. 'I oughta straighten out those wannabe halfwits.'

Suddenly, Kevin had a reason to go to dinner. Pulling himself off the ground, the jock stomped out of the furnace room and onto the deck of the ship. "I'm taking back what's mine," Kevin said sullenly to himself.

…

"Hey watch it," Mario shouted, fanning away stray cinders that drifted towards the boat's deck.

Bowser turned to Mario and angrily replied, "Oh, perhaps you'd like to hold our flaming metal pot off the side of the ship while I cook OUR food!" Bowser heavily stressed the words 'I' and 'Our' while shaking the steaming pot near Mario's face.

Heating their food aboard a wooden ship proved to be a precarious affair. They couldn't start a fire on the ship and they had no heating elements, such as a stove or grill, to speak of. The heroes eventually settled for having Bowser hold the metal pot full of soup off the side of the ship while spitting flames at said vat to heat it up. It proved a difficult task to heat the meal off the side of the boat, but soon enough their supper was ready to be served. It was around sunset by this time and the vast sky began to illuminate in beautiful shades of orange, violet, and red.

One the pot of stew had been placed on the deck of the ship; Peach went around dispersing bowls to all of the hungry passengers, except Kevin who had still refused to show up for dinner. Using a ladle, she began to serve each of the humans and the lone koopa one at a time.

Once Eddy had received his bowl of soup he sat down next to the koopa king, awkwardly glancing at the king, unsure of how to broach a conversation with him following the disastrous game of cards just that afternoon. Scratching the back of his head, Eddy began to mutter to Bowser, "Um… listen I-"

Bowser held up his hand to silence the boy. "Don't," he said simply. "It's in the past, so let's just drop it; okay?" he told Eddy in a firm but collected voice.

Eddy nodded, spooning through his soup impassively. Bowser noticed the boy's dour mood, and gave him a light nudge in the ribs. "Come on, get over yourself, Pipsqueak. Though I guess that shouldn't be too hard for you, considering you're about three koopa shells tall," Bowser replied in a joking tone with a jovial grin.

The short boy couldn't help but laugh. "This coming from some sort of movie monster. How do you sleep at night, knowing you're the spitting image of terror, Godzilla?"

"I keep telling you, the name can't insult me if I can't understand the reference," Bowser replied. The two then burst out in a fit of laughter, simmering in their humorous insults towards one another. Most of the crew barely noticed the two, but Mario in particular looked upon the two laughing teammates with deep disdain.

Meanwhile, Ed had taken to devouring his meal with great fervor. He threw the whole bowl of soup into his mouth, chewing through the ceramic tableware with ease. "Mmm… Crunchy, with a hint of citrus," Ed noted thoughtfully in between chewing through bits of hardened terracotta mixed with soup.

"Ed, what have we discussed about the needless taxing of one's digestive system?" Double D said concernedly to his friend.

"No way, Double D," Ed as he swallowed the last pieces of his meal. "My stomach is like the land of communism, no taxes and all the turnips you can eat." Double D sighed in response, deciding that there was no getting through his imbecilic friend's absurd logic. Eddy and Bowser responded to Ed's ridiculous statement with a hardy laugh.

"Man, you could probably make a killing selling the crap this guy says on toys and shirts and stuff," Bowser noted absentmindedly.

Suddenly Eddy's eyes lit up like dollar signs. "You're a genius, Godzilla!" Eddy shouted excitedly to his koopa companion. The boy hopped off the ground, waving his arms in front of him as if he could see the future. "I can see now, 'Eds' Quote-a-Shirt Emporium'!" the small Ed-boy chimed, already visualizing the details of the scam in his head. "I'm gonna be rich; filthy, stinkin', rich!" Eddy cried, beginning to salivate slightly as he fantasized about being substantially wealthy.

"Eddy, you're drooling into your soup." Double D said matter-of-factly.

Eddy quickly looked down at his bowl, frowning with disdain at the realization that Double D was right. The rest of group sniggered at the smallest of the three Ed-boys as he squeamishly spooned through his spit-ridden soup. "Meh, whatever… This can be Kevin's," Eddy said laconically, pushing the bowl away. "Serve me another one there, Peachy," he added in a suave tone of voice.

"No." Peach replied sternly. "We only have so many provisions on board, and we could be out at sea for days. You can finish you stew, a little drool won't kill you any."

"Aw, come on!" Eddy replied in a frustrated tone.

"Actually, where is Kevin? He should be getting his nourishment like the rest of us," Double D said before swallowing a spoonful of his soup.

"Who knows, who cares," Sarah answered apathetically, with a hint of contempt. "He's been nothing but a crybaby and a burden since we found him."

"Someone speaks the truth," Nazz added in an irritated tone.

"Yeah, Shovel Chin's about as useful as far as you can throw him," Eddy stated agreeably.

"Oh really! Care to put your money where your mouth is, you dork?"

The shout came from near the engine room and just outside its door stood Kevin, seething and red in the face. His eyes were glossed over with hatred and his hands were balled into tight fists. His back was straightened and his chest was puffed out, like he was trying to make himself look bigger and more menacing. "I'm calling you out, dorks!" he shouted, pointing angrily at the three Ed-boys.

"Kevin, what is the meaning of this?" Double D demanded to know.

"What's it look like? I'm showing all you damned dweebs who's really top dog around here," Kevin explained, pointing to himself. "I'll deal with all three of you sorry losers, right here and now! Then everyone will see that you're all the same bunch of losers you were back home; prophecy or no prophecy."

"Calm down. You're only working yourself up and making yourself look bad," Mario explained exhaustedly, trying to ease the boy's temper.

"Can it! I didn't ask for permission, Chef Boyardee!" Kevin responded hostilely.

"Hey, that's my nickname for him!" Eddy yelped, insulted that Kevin had stolen his insult. The small boy leaned over to Bowser, and whispered, "I thought these nicknames were our thing. Are you encouraging this?" Eddy demanded to know.

Bowser shrugged his shoulders apathetically before proceeding to dump his entire bowl of stew into mouth (his portion being roughly equivalent to the size of a small barrel), finishing his meal in one gulp. "This soup is terrible," the king noted.

"Are you listening to me?" Kevin screamed, growing more and more enraged. "Get over here and face me like men, you dorks!"

"Kevin, you're acting unreasonable," Double D said as he tried to gently defuse the situation.

Nazz frowned and added darkly, "Acting like an idiot is more like it."

Kevin couldn't stand it any longer. "That's it! I'm done playing games. I'm gonna prove I'm top dog, starting with you, Double Dweeb" He pointed his finger menacingly the beanie clad Ed-boy. "I'm gonna show you who gives the orders around here" The angry young man suddenly began to advance towards Double D, his fists balled up and teeth mashed together like a wall of stone. The intellectual child still tried to make the boy see reason, even as said boy was approaching him with malicious intent.

"Kevin; listen to me. I understand your past few days have been stressful, but can't you see that your violence has no means to an end? If you'd just-"

THWACK!

It was quick, a bit painful, and it definitely packed a great deal of force. Before he knew what had happened exactly, Double D was on his butt, a steady stream of blood trickling from his nose and painting his chin red. His face stung and nose throbbed angrily, but those were minor inconveniences for the journey hardened Ed-boy. The pain would pass in a few minutes, not that it was bothering him much anyways.

Double D knew he shouldn't have been surprised that he'd been punched. Kevin flatly declared his intent to do nothing less than beat him and his two best friends senseless. Kevin's physicality in general should have been nothing to be shocked about. He'd resorted to violence countless times to deal with the Eds, but this time, Double D felt a surge of emotions boiling through him. He felt so angry… so annoyed.

With a whole multiverse of worlds on the line, all that Kevin could think about was proving himself? Here was Double D, sticking his neck out for the world he called home – that Kevin called home – and that hormone crazed jock had the nerve to punch him! Had he really deluded himself into believing that by beating the three of them up, he'd somehow be in the right to lead the team? What kind of leader would punch their teammate without thinking twice?

Double D felt more anger begin welling up. All those years – all that abuse from Kevin – began to flood his mind. The fear and shame he used to feel from those poundings began to transform, darkening and corrupting. His fear and shame had turned into anger and frustration.

To top it all off, Kevin had struck him. He was proving to be a liability to the team's mission. This time, Double D had a reason to retaliate. This time, after all the training he'd received, he had the motive and the means to fight back.

Double D suddenly felt a pair hands touch his back. "Are you alright? Say something Double D," Sarah stated worriedly.

When the injured boy didn't respond, Mario and Princess Peach rose to their feet, ready to give the insubordinate Kevin a little bit of discipline, but Nazz had already beat them to it. She'd risen to her feet seconds after the punch and was already at arm's length distance from the jock, ready for a scuffle.

"That's it." Nazz growled, his hands begin to glow an incandescent blue. "I've about had it with you!" She jabbed her glowing finger impertinently in Kevin's face. Kevin merely scowled in reply. "You think you're so tough, do yah? I have half a mind to knock you senseless!"

Kevin tried to explain himself. "Listen, babe-"

"Nazz that's enough," Double D stated in an overly calm manor.

Nazz turned towards Double D in surprise. "But dude, Kevin just-" she suddenly gasped, amazed and slightly fearful of the look on her friend's face.

"If Kevin is so keen on rousing a brawl, then I'll make sure he receives one in kind." Double D's eyes were lit with rage, and his face produced and angry, animalistic scowl the likes of which she'd never seen on the normally tame child's face before. "It's high time that Kevin here understands that no one is playing around or taking backstage to his barbaric antics while were faced with such perilous undertaking." Double D wiped the blood from his nose and glared warningly at his former bully. "I warn you, Kevin; should you choose to initiate an exchange of blows, I will hold no accountability for the forlorn outcome."

"Heh… you're going down Double Dork!" Kevin scoffed.

The others gave Double D one last anxious glance, but the book smart adolescent gave them one last reaffirming look, verifying that he was indeed ready to take on Kevin. The rest of the team nervously scooted back, away from two youths. They silently prayed that the fight wouldn't end up going too far out of hand.

"I've been waiting for this," Kevin stated with a smirk as he savored the moment. "Once I finish with you, I'm gonna move on to your two loser pals. All in all, I don't think it'll take me five minutes."

Double D chuckled in response, much to Kevin's astonishment. "You were never a match for Ed," he told the red-capped bully. "He was just too big of a gentle giant to retaliate against your abuse." Kevin groaned angrily, offended that the nerdy Ed-boy would even try and insinuate such a claim. "As for Eddy and I," Double D continued. "There may have been a time where we were at you mercy, but I think you'll find that we're above your level now, as it were," he added with a chuckle. "It's amusing… how I was once afraid of you of all people-"

"That's it! It's time for your pounding DORK!" Kevin screeched, unable to hold back his rage any longer. He charged at Double D, his right fist held reeled back for an obviously telegraphed swing. Much to Kevin's astonishment, the brainier of the three dorks avoided his attack with ease, merely stepping to the side to avoid the first punch.

"What the-" Kevin grumbled, before attempting to throw another punch at Double D. The boy simply hopped back to avoid his blow once again. 'Since when is the dork this fast?' Kevin wondered with astonishment and anger.

"Woohoo! Kick him in the groin, Sockhead!" Eddy jeered from the sidelines.

"Kick his butt for me!" Nazz added excitedly.

"Make him bleed!" Sarah called.

"Get his phone number so I can ask him how the match went!" Ed requested.

The jeering from his peers only increased Kevin's voracious anger. The red headed jock tried to increase the speed of his punches and the numbers of blows he threw, but his skinny foe wordlessly dodged each attack, picking up his speed to match Kevin's blows.

"You're style of fighting is clumsy and lacks any discretion. You're punches are too easy to predict to be any real threat," Double D explained as he hopped out of the way of another one of Kevin's strikes.

"Can it, dork!" Kevin hissed as he threw an additional fist. Much to his surprise, Double D caught his fist with an open palm. The beanie clad boy squeezed his hand, causing Kevin's right arm to seize and go slack. 'When did he get so strong?' Kevin thought as his hand began to go numb under his opponents grip.

"I'm giving you a final warning Kevin; stop this foolishness before I'm forced to teach a serious lesson," Double D warned in a stoic tone.

Kevin frowned and hardened his gaze. "Don't tell me what to do, you dork!" As he said his, he balled up his right hand and swung at his captor's gut. But before his fist made contact, Double D kneed the jock right in his chin, stunning him briefly. Double D followed by releasing Kevin's right hand and delivering a swift kick to his stomach. The red capped jock went flying across the deck of the ship, smacking onto his back against the floor.

Kevin feebly sat up, confused and upset at what had just happened. Double D's attack had come out of nowhere. He hadn't even noticed Double D's leg move, and yet in the span of three seconds he'd delivered a swift and knee and followed with a sharp kick to the stomach. To add on top of it all, the brainiac had acted within an instant of Kevin's next attack; the boy had foreseen the punch and reacted accordingly before Kevin had even gotten near his stomach.

"Had enough yet?" Double D inquired.

"No…" Kevin muttered angrily. "NO! It's not possible!" he shouted insistently. "YOU! You and those… those other dorks! You can't be this strong; stronger than me! You can't!" Kevin's fragile psyche and image of himself was beginning to crack. Somehow the kids he'd used to dominate in a fight were now toying with him like fodder. And Nazz… suddenly the sporty child remember how easily Nazz had struck him down in that dungeon. He hadn't given it much thought then… but now… "NO! No, no, no, no!"

Double D shook his head. "Your privilege and natural talent will only get you so far, Kevin. I had to work hard to earn my strength, speed, and courage. You could earn these things too, and perhaps find some decency for yourself and your fellow acquaintances from the cul-de-sac."

"SHUT UP!" Kevin lurched to his feet and ran at top speed towards Double D. He was so consumed with blind rage, he hadn't even retracted his hands into fist or positioned his body in any way helpful for attacking. "YOU'RE STILL LESS THAN ME! ALL THREE OF YOU; YOU'RE ALL STILL THE SAME OLD DORKS!"

THWACK!

This time, it was Double D who'd struck Kevin in the face. The athletic red head stumbled in place for a moment, before Double D landed another solid kick just below Kevin's throat. In a disoriented whirl, the jock stumbled backwards; trying to steady his body as gravity pulled him towards the deck. Suddenly, Kevin felt his waist collide with the railing of the ship and he felt his momentum begin to carry him over the side. He was about to fall over.

'I'm going to die!' Kevin thought suddenly, feeling the cool mist of salty spray against the back of his neck.

Fortunately, a quick yank to his collar saved Kevin from an inevitable death at the hands of the sea. Double D had caught him, but he was in no hurry to pull Kevin back over the side of the boat. Kevin stared fearfully into Double D's unsympathetic eyes. Double D looked furious; his face was flush with rage in a manner that the jock had never imagined would cross the meek, book smart boy before. Suddenly, he became fearful that the beanie wearing boy would drop him into the ocean after all. In a rather uncharacteristic manner, Kevin began to quiver and cry, too petrified to even beg for his life.

Now that Double D had gotten the disobedient boy's firm attention, he stared seriously and threateningly into the boy's eyes to make sure he was paying attention. Double D wanted Kevin to absorb every single word of his one final lecture.

"Yes, I'm a still a dork," Double D told Kevin. "But this is a brand new world, and I had to adapt in order to survive. Me and my friends may still be dorks yet, but we're far from the same dorks you knew back in the cul-de-sac. I grew up, and so did Ed, Eddy, Nazz, and Sarah. It's time you do the same; otherwise it'd be just as well that I tossed you overboard." Satisfied that he'd gotten his point across, the intellectual Ed-boy hauled Kevin back over the side of the boat released his collar, letting Kevin sink to back onto the ground.

Kevin was at a loss for words. It slowly dawned on him that the sock-headed boy could've probably killed, well before he'd been dangled over the side of the ship. Double D actually could've killed him! And if everyone on board was at least that strong, then… what did that mean for Kevin…

Before Kevin could dwell on what had just happened any longer, Double D spoke up. "I'll serve you some soup," he told Kevin stoically. "You can have Eddy's. He spat in it."

Kevin didn't even complain when he was served the bowl of stew, knowing that it had been laced with saliva. He simply ate his meal in silence as the team of heroes went on with their dinner as if nothing had occurred.