THRITY EIGHT – The Boggart in the Wardrobe

Dumbledore

McGonagall

Sprout

Flitwick

Snape

Lupin

HE'S BEEN SIGHTED!

Black?

Who else?

Where, Pomona?

Doesn't anyone else read the "Prophet"?

I'll be starting again soon. Where was Black seen?

Less than fifty miles from here!

NO! Albus!

We knew very well he would try to come here. There's no sense panicking.

Not yet, perhaps, but if he gets much closer, which he's bound to do…

We'll just have to prepare for him, then.

I'm getting nervous… What if Potter finds out what Black's done? He'll disappear again and that boy's luck's not going to last forever!

He hasn't snuck out of the school yet, and it's rather unlikely he'll figure out how to.

With the Weasley twins as his allies? Potter's probably been out a dozen times by now.

No one's ever caught the twins sneaking out, Severus, so –

Yet they never seem to run short of Zonko's products, or Honeydukes sweets, or –

Oh, shut up! If it were your students you'd be pulling the same gag I am, except you'd be covering up any and all evidence of their wrongdoing.

I resent that.

Good!

Might I try to turn your attention back to the fact that an unstable, murderous lunatic who we know to be after one of our students was spotted not too far away from here?

Well what can we do that's productive? We've put up more enchantments, the Ministry's going berserk, and those accursed THINGS are lurking along our boundaries.

Do we have a problem saying "dementors"?

I don't like them!

I don't think anyone does, but really, why confuse ourselves by not using the proper name?

Excellent logic, Remus.

Thank you, sir!

Brown nose.

Some things never change.

If Remus had been a brown nose my life would have been a lot easier from 1971-1978, most of our lives would have been.

Most?

I exclude you in that statement.

No! No, not that again! I won't allow that argument to resurface! It's been buried for years now, and that's the way it'll stay! Oh, look at what you've done, Remus!

I haven't done anything!

Back to your past time of wreaking havoc, are you, Lupin?

I have several things I could retort with, Severus, but I choose not to. If you'll excuse me, I have a class.

Several things you could retort with, but you chose none, eh, Lupin?

I'm sorry?

Don't toy with me! I heard about what you did!

Whatever could you be referring to, Severus?

Would you quit snorting like that, Minerva? Pince is going to come over here and kick you out if you get snot all over one of her books!

You'd be snorting if you knew. You'd be rather proud of Longbottom, too, I think. He's found a knack for something other than herbology.

I won't have him sneaking away from me that easy! What's happened?

Imagine that! Minerva knows something Pomona doesn't.

Can it, Filius. What's happened? Come on, now!

I think Remus best tell the story, seeing as he was there.

Who all knows?

I think the better question is who DOESN'T know, Severus.

Me! I don't know! Tell me.

Go on, Remus.

No.

Pomona will find out soon enough, and the rest of us already know! Come on, I want to hear this story first hand.

Well…

Remus Lupin, if you don't tell this story I'm going to come and find you.

Very well, since you've put my safety on the line.

That's more like it!

That's not very Hufflepuff like, now is it?

Nothing's going to distract me, Severus. I'm GOING to be told this story.

That boggart moved into the wardrobe in the staff room the other day, remember?

Ha! Yes! Filius nearly –

You're getting sidetracked, Pomona.

Whatever. I'll make fun of you later. Go on, Remus.

I introduced it to the third years in class. To be quite honest, I hadn't really given a thought to using Neville as my demonstration student, but as Severus made it so clear to me, the poor boy needed a confidence boost.

There's a part I didn't hear! What'd you say to Longbottom now, Severus?

Shut up! It can wait!

I asked Neville what his worst fear was. He was sporting enough to admit in front of the whole class that it was Severus –

Which is another thing I'd like to discuss with you, Snape.

Shut UP, Minerva!

And then I remembered meeting Neville's grandmother once. So I told Neville to think of his grandmother's clothes, then the boggart came out of the wardrobe, and, well… Neville's quite proficient at dealing with boggarts now.

SEVERUS IN AUGUSTA LONGBOTTOM'S CLOTHES? The hat! Did he have the vulture hat?

And the red bag.

And you didn't get pictures?

Stop snorting, Pomona. You're going to get snot all over your book and you'll get thrown out of the library.

I can't very well laugh outright in the library, can I? No wonder you wanted us all to shut up, Severus! I wouldn't be caught dead in the things Augusta wears! I'm finding excuses to give that boy points now.

And I'll find just as many excuses to take them away!

You're waging war, Severus. That's a very dangerous path you're taking.

You leave Longbottom alone, Severus, or a boggart might just somehow slip into the Great Hall during dinner and manage to pick him out of the crowd…

You're acting remarkably cocky for someone who has such troubles with boggarts.

Yes, well, my boggart's rather difficult to make amusing. I've never seen you take one on, either, though, so you've really no argument.

No arguing here, only laughter at Severus's expense.

Lupin…

Really, it was you who gave me the idea to have Neville demonstrate, Severus.

And who would you have used otherwise?

Ron. And he did remarkably, as well.

What was his boggart? His mother yelling at him?

Judging by that Howler from last year, I'd be pretty terrified if Molly Weasley were yelling at me…

Ron's was a spider. He took the legs off it.

Oh, go on. Let's just hear about everyone's success.

Yes, twist the knife in Severus's wound.

Ever so charming, Pomona.

Well, let's see… Parvati Patil's was a mummy. She had it trip over its own bandages. Seamus's was a banshee that lost her voice –

When's Finnigan encountered a banshee?

When's Patil come across a mummy?

Touché!

Dean's was a severed hand that crab-walked, then there was Ron, me, and Neville again.

And just what was yours, Lupin? An Astronomy chart?

I believe that remark calls for the phrase "charming"?

Ah, well done, Remus! Well done! I applaud you for catching on so quickly.

Could you not resist showing off? Is that why you stepped in at some point?

No, actually, I stepped in because the boggart was turning on Harry, and I thought it a good idea to stop a replica of Lord Voldemort from form –

Damn it, Remus! You made me spill ink all over the book I had out! Oh, Merlin's beard! It's not coming off the page!

Really, it's just a name!

Not JUST a name, Remus! You know only too well what kind of fear –

Saying "You-Know-Who" accomplishes the same thing! If anything, I think it makes that nervous feeling worse.

It looks as if you've run out of support, Lupin.

Oh, no he hasn't! I'll still be laughing about Longbottom's boggart years from now!

You'd best hope that I don't make it my goal to become your boggart as well, Minerva.

Oh, I think I know how to handle boggart Severuses. Do your worst.

One day, Minerva. One day.

Author's Note

So you know how thses updates sometimes make you smile and laugh and feel better and stuff? Your reviews do that for me. I could use some smiles. -hint hint, nudge nudge-