Not meant to be taken seriously. Mostly jokey, but finished two months late. Old reference is old, since this series is pretty much late 80s/90s romcom, but the deli scene's still a classic.
…
"…in what reality was that supposed to be only a little?"
…
A Fool for Lesser Things
As a self-professed morning person, Naruto likes morning sex, maybe a little more than he should, but sex first thing after waking up, he really likes that. He likes that a lot. Except Sasuke is anything but a morning person, and doesn't like getting up early unless it's for class or work, or the laundry he still has a habit of doing on Saturdays, and even then he gets pretty cranky about it; he's especially useless those first ten minutes it takes for him to drag himself out of bed, not much more than a blanketed lump that somehow manages to completely disappear every now and then, if Naruto's not looking too closely at first glance.
So it was definitely a surprise to wake up to a finger absently poking his cheek, dark eyes watching him, Sasuke half-sprawled over his chest, arms crossed, gaze steady the patient kind of expectant, even when Naruto caught Sasuke's left wrist, to keep Sasuke from poking him, searching hard in the back of his mind, trying to figure out what it was he could've possibly done wrong this time, when he hadn't even had the chance to start the day yet.
Although there was enough light coming through the curtains to softly illuminate Sasuke's face, a quick glance at his watch told him it was still early. His internal clock usually woke him up around six or so, anyway, and while sometimes he slept in for a little while longer, depending on his schedule for the day, Sasuke would usually still be conked out beside him.
The very fact Sasuke had actually woken up before him, it was for very good reason Naruto was left unequal parts more wary than confused, growing more and more convinced he did do something wrong, because Sasuke was still staring at him, apparently still waiting for him to do something, whatever that was.
"You're hard," was all Sasuke said at first, almost like the concept was somehow new to him, like guys their age didn't still get stiff in the morning, and the simple act of breathing wasn't more than enough to get an erection—but then the fingers of Sasuke's free hand were slowly trailing up Naruto's inner thigh, Sasuke's palm lightly pushing up against the bulge beneath Naruto's blue shorts, and oh, oh, that was when Naruto got it.
Definitely a good way to start the day.
Although maybe his excitement was a little premature, because maybe he sort of did slip in a request for Sasuke to fulfil part of a not so secret fantasy, one Sasuke had berated him for even putting thought to, but while he knows Sasuke isn't a fan of role play or dirty talk, asking for this isn't either of those, so he thought it'd be all right to ask again, at least for today.
Of course, Sasuke agreeing to try it should've tipped him off.
But Sasuke willing to surprise him with an early morning invitation for sex?
That, he likes.
Compared to what he'd been expecting, though, when what was originally that became this, not so much.
Which brings him to Sasuke lying on his side, one arm propped on the bed, hand supporting the side of his face, looking at Naruto like he seriously couldn't be more bothered, his other hand already in Naruto's shorts, before he proceeds to give the most half-assed attempt at a handjob, paired with the most unnecessary commentary, spoken with the most monotonous voice Naruto's ever heard, even by Sasuke's standards.
"Oh, yes. The Great Uzumaki Naruto is so great. Uzumaki Naruto is great because he's the Great Uzumaki Naruto. Yes. Being great is what makes the Great Uzumaki Naruto so great. Ah. Ah. It's because he's the Great Uzumaki Naruto that he's great."
"…I know this isn't something you have to do for me, that you're only agreeing to go along with it because of today," Naruto mutters, wry, a little insulted by Sasuke's careless neglect, Sasuke's hand no longer touching him; between that and this, his poor excuse for an erection is practically nonexistent, just barely hanging on. "But can't you at least pretend to put some kind of effort into it?"
Just on the verge of rolling his eyes, fingers resting against Naruto's leg, Sasuke breathes out with an exasperated sigh, like he's some sort of reluctant martyr, forced to sacrifice his soul for the greater good—better yet, like touching Naruto is an errand he put off to the very last minute, all of a sudden acting like sex is a chore.
With that kind of excitement, he'd have better odds getting it back up watching paint dry.
And yet this is the same Sasuke who has no problems shamelessly whispering in his ear things like, I want to have sex with you, or I want you to touch me, something to that effect, because it still catches him off guard sometimes, makes his face burn red from time to time how unapologetically blunt Sasuke is about it, and maybe he really is too easy, if that's all it takes for him to want to give in.
It especially doesn't help whenever there's suddenly friction from the weight on his lap, taking advantage of his surprised stammering a very much persuasive Sasuke already shifting on top of him, already moving Naruto's hands to his waist, then holding Naruto's face, bringing Naruto closer for the real lush kind of drawn-out kisses, bearing down too light on Naruto's erection, like he's barely moving his hips at all, each time Naruto tries to push up against him, the slight contact nowhere near enough despite gripping Sasuke tighter, trying to hold him still.
Sure, Sasuke knows how to play him a little too well, knows exactly what to do to string him along, and if that means his brain nearly short-circuits with something as embarrassingly simple as, I want to feel this, want to feel you, murmured just as soft as the way Sasuke likes to call his name, of course he's not going to say no to any of it, not while he's still young.
Any other time, Sasuke wouldn't hesitate to put his hands on him. Any other time, Sasuke would've already climbed over him, laid his arms out loose around Naruto's shoulders, not breaking his gaze, with the slow, small sways of his hips alone would've been doing his damnedest to make Naruto keen.
This time, however, this is just…
"Come here, Naruto."
Sitting up a little, Sasuke blindly reaches behind him for a pillow, arranging it close to his back. He grabs the front of Naruto's grey shirt, crushing in his hand the large, round emblem coloured by three evenly spaced rings of red, white, then red, and in the centre filled in with blue, the backdrop to a single white star.
He begins to lower himself on to the bed, making sure he's comfortable first, spreading his legs a little wider. With a quick tug, he motions Naruto forward, waiting until Naruto's on his hands and knees hovering over him to release his grip on Naruto's shirt. Following another exasperated sigh, keeping up with theme of doing things that are entirely unnecessary, he picks up where he left off, all but shoving his hand back down Naruto's shorts, where somewhere in there he just quit trying altogether, beneath the material of Naruto's boxer briefs fondling Naruto with the least amount of enthusiasm humanly possible.
And then he clears his throat.
What happens next immediately makes Naruto's eyes go large. Forget the fact Sasuke isn't even trying to work him up at this point, because what Sasuke's doing with his hand, the things he's not doing with his body, the absolutely bored expression on his face—none of it matches the sounds coming out of his mouth.
Even if he already knew what Sasuke was going to do, there is nothing in this world that could've prepared him for the sounds coming out of Sasuke's mouth.
"Ah, not there, Naruto-sama, I don't want Naruto-sama to touch me there. Naruto-sama's XX is so big, already reaching so deep moving inside me."
It still sounds like Sasuke, in between surprisingly believable moans just sounds like a slightly higher version of Sasuke's voice, and yet at the same time it doesn't, so different from his normal drawl, not even close to what Naruto imagined, nothing like the soft sighs he's used to, the kinds of quiet noises Sasuke makes he likes to listen to, meant only for him to hear, and there's almost this sense of disappointment, a sort of stopgap emotion within himself, that completely takes away any appeal this idea once had.
"Touching so much of me at once, Naruto-sama's XX makes me so hot. So good, Naruto-sama's XX makes me feel so good, so full throbbing inside me. I don't want Naruto-sama to hold back. I want Naruto-sama to fill me up because Naruto-sama always feels the best."
That near sense of disappointment is quick to wear off, though, alongside the novelty of Sasuke's so-called performance, as Naruto feels a violent tic over his right eye, and what little hope he had for an erection just flopping aimlessly in Sasuke's hand, being treated to the most half-assed attempt at a handjob, in the sad history of half-assed attempts at handjobs, Sasuke's gaze just wandering off in the distance, despite his moans steadily getting higher, a lot breathier, too highly convincing without Naruto even having to close his eyes, Sasuke's cries hitched with the realistic-sounding cracks in his voice and everything.
"No, it's too good there, Naruto-sama, right there. Naruto-sama's XX feels too good. So much of Naruto-sama's XX caressing all of my insides, I want Naruto-sama to come inside me. I need to feel Naruto-sama come inside me. Ah, ah, Naruto-sama, I'm coming with Naruto-sama. I'm coming with—"
A hand covers Sasuke's mouth, fortunately enough to make him stop. After a moment of silence, Sasuke looks up, too nonchalant for his own good, but Naruto doesn't say anything when their eyes meet, waiting a few more seconds between them before he decides it's safe to remove his hand.
Sasuke gives a soft hum, apparently able to make a seamless transition back to his normal voice. "Too much?"
"You think?"
Nothing ever comes easy with Sasuke. He knows this. Very well, he knows this, because Sasuke's the type of guy who enjoys being difficult for the sake of being difficult, enjoys putting him on just for the hell of it, so if it sounds too good to be true for Sasuke to willingly go along with something, it usually is.
(It doesn't matter that Naruto is the one who seems to keep forgetting this.)
While Sasuke might not necessarily be loud or straightforward about most things, that's what also makes him the worst kind of overdramatic, because he's already the kind of unforgiving guy who holds grudges, and will twist any little thing Naruto's ever said just to prove a point.
Any worse and Naruto's XX might as well have fallen off in desolation, just withered up and died a slow, depressing death. It wasn't even parody. It was just painful. If there was ever a quicker way to shut down that particular fantasy, he can't think of it, and now he's quietly mourning his mental stash of teenage pipedreams he still kept in the dusty corner of his mind, inspired by the actual stash Jiraiya had given to him when he turned sixteen.
It's going to take a while to think of porn in the same way again, not without hearing Sasuke's voice and remembering the clear disinterest on Sasuke's face, any and all potential for not so forgotten wish fulfilment wasted, because Sasuke's just about ruined him for life.
More importantly, for a guy with a normally deep voice, deeper than his at least, to be able to reach that kind of falsetto, more or less performing a scene that really wouldn't be out of place in some erotic video, right down to the shuddering moans and the trembling in his voice, Sasuke has surprisingly good acting skills.
A little too good for Naruto's comfort.
"Have you been faking it this whole time?!"
"Hm?" Hand slipped from Naruto's shorts, Sasuke drops his arm, paying no attention to Naruto whatsoever. He starts to sit up, folding his legs beneath him, watching Naruto with an inappropriately thoughtless expression. "Faking what?"
"Don't you try to play cute with me—I'm not going to fall for you trying to play cute with me again. Suddenly turning the situation into an outdated movie reference, being able to fake something like that so easily, is that what you do? Lie back and think of England?"
"Oh, you mean that." Sasuke blinks, appearing far less concerned about the seriousness of the situation than he should be. "I guess blond is close enough. And with the similarities between your names, both sharing seven syllables, the rhyming's probably a coincidence, too. Plus, the fact you're related to Karin," he says absently, sparing a glance to Naruto's t-shirt. "But I think my other character may lean more towards the America type, so…"
"You have been faking it, haven't you?!"
"Only a little."
Gobsmacked, as if he'd been slapped, Naruto reels with his head turned to the side, from both the admission itself and the lack of hesitation. His eyes flutter out of sheer astonishment, his mind still in the process of working up the strength to recover from the sudden impact of a direct hit—as if just knowing Sasuke wasn't already bad enough, as if he hadn't already lost so, so much of his pride that Sasuke had been chipping away at since day one.
"…in what reality was that supposed to be only a little?"
"In the sense that I've done it with other guys before, because that's what some of them liked to hear. As long as they did what they needed to do to get me off, I never saw it as a big deal. Although there is this one guy, this seriously egoistic guy, who actually wanted me to refer to him with an honorific like sa—"
With a low growl, Naruto tackles Sasuke, pinning Sasuke's arms to the bed, just a little more on the side of miffed, but there's no doubt in his mind Sasuke isn't being serious. Sasuke can't be, because Naruto knows there is absolutely no way Sasuke would ever go anywhere near that far to appease some guy he was just using to get off.
Not when the struggle to sneak in a simple kiss on the cheek is still real, whenever Naruto puckers his lips in anticipation, only to be immediately shot down for all his troubles, his attempts to be romantic completely ignored, save for the hand he receives to his face, Sasuke's palm placing a stamp of denied on his forehead.
It's nothing new, that Sasuke won't let him get away with a lot of things, never mind acknowledge him as the guy who puts his life on the line on a regular basis, being subjected to Sasuke's experimental food, reduced to a veritable pincushion from Sasuke pinching him entirely too hard, Sasuke kicking him for no good reason at all, and then there're still all the names, like idiot, or loser, or dork, or cor—
He's getting ahead of himself.
All he did was ask Sasuke to humour him just this once. There was nothing preventing Sasuke from saying no, instead of purposely going overboard, because it's not like he asked with the intention of making Sasuke feel obligated to do it.
But then no one could bring him down like Sasuke, as fast as Sasuke, so easily just crawl under his skin, with a single look, make him feel sometimes like he's at the mercy of Sasuke's whim.
"…it's still my birthday," he says, for lack of a better comeback, decidedly not pouting or sulking or whatever Sasuke likes to accuse him of doing, and even if he was, because he's still not, it'd totally be a good look on him, despite what Sasuke also likes to say.
"It's still your birthday." There's a trace of a knowing smile on Sasuke's face, dark eyes playful, treading too close to smug, with a pointed glance between them, because he wouldn't be Sasuke if he didn't point out the fact that Naruto's already hard again, and Naruto can only respond with an irritated huff, pressing down a little harder on Sasuke's arms.
Sasuke's own already questionable tendencies aside, the way Sasuke goads him, trying to draw out this streak inside of him, maybe, just maybe, Naruto doesn't mind being teased so much, doesn't mind that Sasuke likes to make him work for it, because maybe, just maybe, he really does get off on the chase.
Doesn't mean he has to admit it out loud, though.
"You're making fun of me."
Sasuke turns his head to the side, but not out of shyness, lips pressed together that fail to suppress an amused grin he actually has the nerve to try to hide. "…maybe."
"I don't know why you like being so mean to me," Naruto mumbles, releasing Sasuke's arms. He lets his body fall listless, letting himself be held, as he slinks his arms around Sasuke, hiding his face in the crook of Sasuke's neck, breathing in the smell of his own sage body wash overpowering the faint scent of Sasuke's grapefruit shampoo.
Of course Sasuke's making fun of him, clearly. He doesn't need the hand currently patting the top of his head to tell him that. It's only right that he should get back at him, though, so he presses his lips against Sasuke's neck, blows air soft over Sasuke's skin, light enough just to tickle, and he smiles at Sasuke's easy laughter, without any real effort Sasuke trying to get away, twisting a little, bunching his shoulder to shield himself from Naruto's mouth.
Making Sasuke laugh again, Naruto snorts through a giggle, grinning wide against Sasuke's skin, thinking of how far Sasuke went with the whole Naruto-sama thing; uncharacteristic as it was, completely mismatched with the bored expression on Sasuke's face, ultimately, it was still Sasuke mocking him, and in more ways than one.
"But even though you are mean to me, you're surprisingly really, really good at sounding like you were acting straight out of a por—"
Sasuke grabs Naruto's cheek, pulling Naruto's mouth away from his neck, getting Naruto to look at him with a firm shake seemingly trying to dislodge more than just Naruto's grin. "You're the one who kept begging me to try it just once. So I did. But the fact you would even ask me to do something like that, Naruto, how do you think I feel?"
When Sasuke lets go of his cheek, Naruto lets out another huff, sheepish more than anything else, and decidedly still not moping. He already feels silly enough for asking Sasuke to do it, although it feels even sillier to try to apologise for it now, because Sasuke would just brush him off, anyway.
Like the times when he used to get really nervous, worried if some of the things he wanted to do really were okay, and Sasuke would just remind him: If I didn't like it, I wouldn't let you do it, Naruto.
"It's still my birthday," he says again, because it's something definitely worth repeating, since he still has an entire day left to celebrate, and he'd been really looking forward to being spoiled by Sasuke.
They still have a lot of time before either of them has to be anywhere, and with morning sex still on the table, it's the kind of rare surprise he wants to take his time to enjoy, because this is how Sasuke likes to spoil him. Nothing flashy, or overly sentimental, just more of the usual things he already does, the kinds of little things Sasuke tends to notice about him, including his very obvious thing for Sasuke keeping his socks on during sex.
(For the record, he likes to think about Sasuke's legs a lot, a whole lot, because he has a very big thing for Sasuke's legs, a very big thing for Sasuke, really, but just because he happens to have a very healthy appreciation for Sasuke wearing very specific socks during sex does not make him a pervert.)
What started out as a protective measure against Sasuke's freezing cold feet, led to Naruto accidentally discovering how much he was actually into the idea of Sasuke wearing socks during sex; not the ankle socks Sasuke usually prefers, but just plain crew one (unlike Naruto's collection made up of bright colours and trendy patterns), as long as they're dark, although Sasuke has more than a few nice pairs that feel really soft against his skin.
At first, Sasuke gave him a funny look, a searching gaze, probably trying figure out whether he was being serious or not, but now he just teases him for being such a dork, because it's the kind of oddly specific kink only a dork like him would have—even though Sasuke's the one who went through the trouble of indulging him on today of all days, topping it off with a loose shirt and boxer briefs, nothing much out of the ordinary from what Sasuke normally goes to sleep in, and maybe that's why Naruto likes it so much.
But that's how Sasuke's always been, likes to take care of him in understated ways, doing small things like this, without words not so apparent things no less meaningful, and Naruto can't find it within himself to mind, because sometimes that's all it takes to be enough.
Because it's the same Sasuke who'll let him do this, tilting his head back as Naruto's teeth graze his neck, the way Sasuke shivers when Naruto bites softly at his skin, Sasuke giving him one of those quiet sighs he's used to, the kinds of hushed sounds he's already familiar with, and he closes his eyes, follows a fleeting emotion as he hugs Sasuke closer to his chest, breathes through his mouth against Sasuke's neck, unhurried with short thrusts as he cuts into Sasuke's soft inhales, goes just a little faster when Sasuke starts to move beneath him, makes his thrusts last just a little bit longer, hanging off the edge of each breath Sasuke tak—
A hand takes Naruto out of the moment, a harsh yank from Sasuke's fingers just barely refraining from wrenching Naruto's hair from his scalp.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, that's too hard—you're pulling too hard."
"I was trying to get your attention."
"Like there aren't better ways to do that." Wincing, Naruto lifts his head, turning on Sasuke a well-deserved glare, before Sasuke gives a final, far less demanding pull, loosening his grip then letting go. "I thought we agreed it was my birthday."
"Yes, but now I'm saying it means I'll let you do other things."
The permission in those words gives Naruto pause, has just enough potential to promise a very promising outcome, that he's willing to take his chances, but he won't let himself get too excited just yet. Cautiously optimistic, he shifts the majority of his weight off Sasuke, removing his arms from around him, purely for listening purposes, because he needs to sit up on his elbows for this one. "Things like…"
"One of those things I don't usually let you do."
Really, Sasuke doesn't let him do a lot of things, whether it has to do with sex or not, but that's neither here nor there.
When I feel good, you'll feel good, is what Sasuke told him once, which turned out to be true, very true, because Sasuke knows how to make him feel very good, so Naruto doesn't necessarily spend a whole lot of time questioning that suspicious line of reasoning.
Still, an offer this vague, especially from someone like Sasuke, and especially after that previous exercise in overkill, he approaches it with a little more thought, since it's important to clarify these kinds of things. "Which one?"
Sasuke looks away for a moment, like he's thinking of what to say, but then his hands are gentle reaching for Naruto's face, fingers trailing along Naruto's sideburns he still won't admit to liking so much, and then he starts to whisper real low just exactly what he's willing to do, what he's willing to allow Naruto to do, and Naruto's staring with eyes growing increasingly wide, because this isn't just one of those things, it's that thing, something Sasuke's been particularly stingy about ever since the first time he agreed to do it, so Naruto has to put aside an extra second or two to get over the initial shock.
"Hold on, wait a minute. You're saying you'll actually let me—"
"Mm-hm."
"Even if I get carried away?"
"I already know you're going to get carried away. You always get carried away," Sasuke says, not unkind, with the barest hint of a smile that starts to teeter towards fond. "But we also agreed it's your birthday."
"That means you already—"
"I thought I'd leave the rest of it up to you."
"Seriously? No catch this time? You're actually giving me a choice?"
As open as Sasuke is about sex, considering everything he actually does let Naruto do, this is probably up there with one of the few things he holds back on the most. Admittedly, Naruto does get carried away, even though he's embarrassed by his own reasons for getting turned on by something so simple—or rather so depraved, if Sasuke has anything to say about it.
But it's not like he's the only one, because Sasuke gets just as swept up in it, fights not to leave himself fully open while allowing Naruto to completely let go, and it ends up between them the very base of their constant push-pull, with Naruto pushing that much harder just to see how much he can make Sasuke give him, despite heated whispers and fervent touches urging Sasuke for more, that final push Sasuke absolutely refuses to let him have, if only because he knows how much Naruto wants it.
Which isn't to say he's complaining, though, far from it. Whenever it does reach that level of intensity, how long they've actually been able to last, it still surprises him, because it's the kind of sex that manages to tire even him out, leaves him feeling boneless, unable to move, every single part of him spent, never mind what they both look like in the aftermath.
"I'm the one who has to deal with the mess at the end, but if you want to call it a choice," Sasuke says, wiggles a little beneath him, and Naruto hisses, grabbing Sasuke's wrists and pulling Sasuke's hands away from his face.
"Well, yeah, I know that, but I'm only asking because last time you still wouldn't let me—"
There's a leg thrown around him, a heel digging into his back, spurring him closer, Sasuke doing that thing he really shouldn't be allowed to do with his hips, totally trying to distract him from the matter at hand, and then Sasuke's flipping them over.
Unleashing a squeak, Naruto lands on his back, but Sasuke's already on him, before he has time to think Sasuke's already kissing him, with his mouth slowly trying to consume him, gently tugging on the waistband of Naruto's shorts, taking his sweet time easing his hand underneath, and finally, finally—
At the fingers tickling his sides, Sasuke starts to squirm, jerks forward, caught still by the hands at his waist, before Naruto's pulling Sasuke down to hold him closer, tightening his arms around him, then suddenly thrusting up hard, making Sasuke jolt with a sharp inhale, at a second hard thrust Sasuke dropping his head above Naruto's shoulder, breath hitched through a shaky exhale.
Arms planted on either side of Naruto, breathing out softly, Sasuke tries to sit up, as much as he's able, almost frowning at Naruto's hands reaching beneath his shirt, settling on his hips. "Weren't you just complaining about today being your birthday?"
"Only a little, huh?"
This time Sasuke does roll his eyes, but it's with a sigh that disappears into soft laughter, as he presses his lips against Naruto's widening grin.
"…you're so easy, Naruto."