I wanted to update this morning but I couldn't get fanfiction to load! I'm sorry! This chapter is damn short so I'll update again this evening! I'm doing a bit of time jumping but nothing major. Thanks for reading and thanks for the love! You guys are awesome!

Chapter Thirty Seven

Morning sickness was something she hadn't suffered from when she had been pregnant with Sophia. Sure, she had felt bad for a few weeks and had even gotten sick a couple of times. But it was nothing like this. And it came on like a freight train only a week after she had been to the doctor. She had been dealing with it for weeks now and it didn't seem to be easing up on her at all. It had gotten to the point where she had actually gone back to the doctor. He had told her to keep drinking plenty of fluids and had written her a prescription for something but she refused to have it filled. Medication was off limits. She didn't feel right taking something that could potentially harm the baby just so she could feel better.

Today was one of those days that it didn't seem to want to relent. She had been fine when she had woken up. Or as fine as she ever felt. Her and Sophia had managed to make it to Buck's before the vomiting hit her. She had eaten very little. A small bowl of cereal and, of course, the never ending Gatorade.

As soon as they walked into the house and the smell of eggs assaulted her nose she felt her gorge rise. Buck and Merle watched helplessly as she hurried to the bathroom, not even having time to shut the door before the contents of her stomach were coming up like someone had turned on a faucet.

"Goddamn it," Merle grumbled, coming into the bathroom like she wasn't humiliated enough.

She couldn't even tell him to get out but at least he shut the door behind him so it was just the two of them. Just like she knew he would he knelt down behind her and pulled her hair back, his large hand rubbing soothing circles into her back. This wasn't the first time he had done this. It wasn't going to be the last. Both men, despite their fierce appearances and intimidating presence, seemed to turn into mother hens whenever they saw her anymore.

When she finally seemed to be over the worst of this round he handed her a glass of water, which she took gratefully. She rinsed out her mouth and spit into the toilet, handing the glass back and flushing. She didn't feel like she had the strength to even get up. She felt completely helpless and with Daryl gone she felt such an overwhelming sense of loneliness that it had her chest tightening. What had she gotten herself into? How was she going to do this? Maybe she could deal with the emotional aspect of it if her physical being wasn't being wrung through the wringer. But she felt beaten, both inside and out.

She was surprised when Merle sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the tub. Through tears that never seemed to stop flowing lately she met his eyes. He looked as helpless as she felt and it was that moment that she almost spilled all of her secrets to him. Would he keep them? She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Just a pathetic whimper that had him dropping his eyes and shaking his head. He grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him and she didn't fight him. She didn't want to. She felt so completely alone that she was willing to do anything just to feel close to someone. She ended up sitting sideways on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck while she cried into his chest.

He kept his arms around her. She never would have imagined that he had it in him to offer so much of himself but then she remembered that, even though he didn't know what was happening with her, he knew his own torment. She knew the story of how he had been eighteen when he suddenly learned that he had a child. A child that he was suppose to watch die. He may not understand what she was going through but he did understand pain.

So she sat there for a long time, finding solace in the most unlikely of places. It would probably look bad to anyone looking in, but it wasn't like that. Merle didn't want her any more than she wanted him. She knew that he felt like he owed it to his brother to do whatever he could for her. If that meant he had to hold her hair while she threw up and then let her sob all over him afterwords, then that's what he would do.

Once she had herself under control a little bit she felt like a complete idiot. She pulled away, swiping at her face and muttering a half hearted apology. He stood up and offered her his hand wordlessly. She let him pull her up from the floor, her hand going to her stomach.

Buck was in the kitchen, cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Piper and Sophia were still sitting at the table, both girl's watching her with concern.

"You ate anything?" Buck asked gruffly.

"Cereal this morning," she muttered, feeling a little sick just talking about it.

Buck grumbled something under his breath and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat it down in front of her. She looked at it, knowing that they were all staring at her. She took a tentative drink, fought the nausea that welled up in her, took one more for good measure.

"I called June. You ain't goin' in today," Buck said, sitting down across from her.

Carol shook her head. "I can't keep missing work. I'll be fine. She needs the help."

Buck folded his hands on the table. "You're goddamn lucky I don't pick your ass up, throw you in the goddamn truck and haul you off to the emergency room, cause trust me, that's exactly what I wanna do. So if I tell you that you ain't workin' today then you best listen."

She felt a headache coming on so she took another drink of water. "I told you the doctor already told me that it's just some virus going around. That's all. He said I can work."

"And you're a goddamn liar," he snapped.

"Buck," Merle growled, a clear warning in his voice.

Buck ran a hand through his hair and glanced towards the girls that were watching them.

The doorbell ringing gave them an excuse to leave the room and they both bolted from their chairs. Sophia kissed Carol's cheek. "I'll see you later mom," she said quickly, hurrying after Piper.

Carol kept her eyes on the water bottle but she could sense Buck watching her. She picked at the label absently, hating his scrutiny. She knew that she should just tell them. They were worried about her. They actually cared about her. But the thought of them knowing before Daryl didn't sit well with her. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair to him. And she couldn't tell him until he was out and even then she was afraid of how he would react. He was bound to think that she did this on purpose to trap him.

"Listen," Buck said, forcing his voice from raising, "You gotta fuckin' tell us if this is something serious, alright? If it's bad, if it's... If it's something that can end up killing you, we need to know. We can help you."

She felt herself tearing up again but she didn't look up.

Merle spoke up then. "Why don't you just go on and try to get some rest, alright? Go to Daryl's room, go take you a nap on the couch. I don't care, but I can tell you ain't been sleepin' good. Can you at least do that?"

She nodded and grabbed the bottle, taking it with her. She couldn't bare to sleep in his room. It would just make her miss him more and she couldn't stand the thought of that. Merle actually came to the living room after a few minutes. She didn't want to know what him and Buck had been talking about. He lifted her legs and sat down on the far end, placing them in his lap.

"Are you dying?" He asked bluntly. "Just answer me that and I'll leave you be. I'll do whatever I can and I won't ask again. I just need to know. Is it cancer? Aids? Goddamn," he shook his head.

She stared at him. "I'm not dying Merle. I'm just sick. I'm really sick. And I think all of this with Daryl is just making it worse. I'll get over this and be fine."

He nodded, his eyes going to the television. She felt so bad for putting them through this. She was thinking about just distancing herself from all of them until they found out Daryl's fate but the thought had her panicking. She sat up and moved until she was tucked into his side. She closed her eyes when she heard him sigh and for the first time in a while, she fell into a deep sleep.