DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Veronica Roth.
Chapter 36
A Good Kind Of Crazy
|Fourteen Years Old|
Phoenix's POV
My mind seemed lost as I attempted to listen to my history teacher. She was talking about a war? A tyrant maybe? Something was being mentioned about the earth shaking and the sky turning to fire. No that can't be right, the earth has an atmosphere that won't turn to flames.
Wait why is she talking about death being my fault? What did I do?
"Phoenix!" Her voice cracked like a whip and suddenly all sound came to a halt. Damien stared at me from across the room with concern. "What did I say?" She asks me, I hardly have time to filter my words when I say:
"That I was the tyrant that started the war and killed all of the innocent souls." Everyone stares with disbelief.
"I did not say that Phoenix." Ms. Farna states with a voice mocking one of a creeped out person.
"You're saying that I forced people against walls, that I lifted my gun to their heads, that I shot them all dead… even the children. You're telling me that I shouldn't be here, that I'm the reason the world is in ashes. It was me! I need to go, someone is taking me!" I demand, rising from my table suddenly and scaring half of my classmates. I notice the skittish jump back somewhat and Ms. Farna was far from pleased.
"Miss. Eaton take your seat immediately. This isn't a joke. Real people died and it shall not be taken with this form of humor."
"I killed them! Now they're going to kill me!" I scream, my breathing intensifying as I notice the new people in the room. All men, dressed in clothing form different factions but something was weird…. They had no faces.
"Take your seat now!" Ms. Farna yells.
"I'm sorry." I demand to no one, my hands clenching in on themselves and gashing into my palms. Before the men approach I run, slamming the door to my history room with a great sound and heading for the outdoors.
"Please stop." I beg the voices in my head once I'm outside, my body shaking vigorously. "Please stop." I repeat clutching to my ears and shutting my eyes. "Please!" I beg, before collapsing on the floor and screaming. My screams block out the conversation of the approaching men. My screams also alert the school of my location.
I lose consciousness as soon as the door of the school open and the padding of hundreds of feet come with it.
~.~.~
"Phoenix?" My mom's voice fills my head and brings me back to reality. I open my eyes slowly but shut them from the light leaking in from the window.
"Tobias shut the curtains." Mom says, dad walks around and I hear the shuffle of cloth on a metal rod.
"What happened?" I ask groggily, finally looking to mom and dad.
"Did you take your medicine yesterday?" Dad asks me, sitting on my right side since mom has my left. I remember yesterday, before the voices and men consumed me.
"I don't think so." I finally whisper, looking to my white covered hands and wrists. "What happened?" I ask again, flinching when I flip my arms over to see blood staining the gauze.
"You heard those voices and freaked out. You walked out of history and exited the school where they found you screaming and clawing at your wrists. You kept repeating, "I'm sorry."" Mom explains.
"Ms. Farna was telling me I was a tyrant, that I caused the war and killed everyone." I explain, the urge to scream rising in my throat.
"No sweetie, that was just your mind. Ms. Farna was talking about the war but when she tried to get your attention you went off about being the tyrant and killing everyone." Dad answers.
"I'm sorry. I should have taken the medicine and I shouldn't have done this." I raise my arms.
"That's okay. It was an accident that helped the doctors realize we need to fix your prescription. They want you to take Lutuda everyday and Quetiapine every other day."
"What does Quetiapine do?" I ask warily.
"It prevents these episodes." Dad explains, I nod.
"How long was I out?" Was my next question.
"For almost a whole day. You had you're episode yesterday." Mom says.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"Almost dinner time, you should sleep a while longer. I'll wake you up so you can shower and come out for dinner." Mom promises, kissing my forehead and easing me back onto my pillows. Mom and dad leave me to sleep, which doesn't take long to fall under.
Damien's POV
"Is she okay?" I ask, my hands slipping through my hair to shake off the water left over in my shower.
"A little dazed, her hands are still bleeding but I think she's fine." Mom says, fixing my hair for me even though I can do it myself.
"Piper called and offered to bring new gauze for her hands." I mention, slipping my top on and walking with my parents to the kitchen.
"That'd be helpful, she's going to shower so she'll need a new wrap anyways." Dad says, pulling out 3 glasses and turning on the tap. He fills them all and hands them two to us, keeping the third for himself and taking a large gulp. I hastily sip from the glass despite not feeling in the mood of drinking it.
"What's wrong Damien. You only give that look when something is bothering you." Mom says. She is always on top of my emotions, being able to pinpoint how I feel before I can even realize it.
"I just feel like I should've done something. You know go after her before she deliberately clawed at herself and screamed bloody-murder. I saw her freak out in the room and now everyone is talking about That Crazy Dauntless Girl. One day and they are already picking on her." My fingers go back and forth with my agitation, having a personal thumb-war despite that being blocked out entirely.
"Damien," Mom snaps me back, her hand gently covering my thumbs. "They will forget. She's a brave girl with a good head on her shoulders. She will figure out what worth worrying about or not." I nod and she removes her hand standing up straight once again and moving to the sink. "Call Piper, tell her that she should bring the gauze over. I'm going to go and help your sister." Mom places the cup down, kisses dad's cheek and then mine before leaving to Phoenix's room.
"Where's Ezra?" I ask dad, plopping myself on the counter and drawing my phone from my pocket.
"With Izabel. Shauna agreed to watch them after school. Make that call, I'll go find some pain medication for Phoenix." Dad walks to his bedroom, probably looking through their medicine cabinet.
I press Piper's House contact and lift the phone to my ear, hearing it ring twice before someone answers.
"Hello?" The voice of my friend flies through the receiver.
"Hey Piper. Do you mind bringing over that gauze? Phoenix is about to shower and needs to re-wrap." I say, swinging my leg back and forth.
"Sure. Let me call my dad to tell him I'm leaving to get the gauze from my mom. I'll see you in like 15 minutes." She decides, a hesitation in her voice indicating there was more she wanted to say. "You know I stayed later after school right?" She starts.
"Yeah, detention for punching that stupid big-mouth candor. What's new?"
"Some guys were talking in the room. They said Phoenix was… that someone raped her and that's why she was screaming how sorry she was."
"That's stupid. Phoenix wasn't raped, you told them that right?"
"Of course, I told them that they were idiots for starting those lies." She says.
"Good," I sigh, sliding from the counter and walking to the living room. "I should let you go, you know so you can call your dad." I say as I plop down on the couch and switch the TV on.
"Okay. See you later." She shuffles around and then shuts off the phone leaving me with the buzz of a dead line.
Phoenix's POV
Mom awakens me a few minutes later, her face soft and young, a small smile edging her lips.
"Do you want to shower and maybe get some food?" She asks, her hands running over my face.
"Sure." I smile to show her I'm okay, I don't know if she fully believes me though.
"Here, let me help you." She says, moving my blankets back and helping me sit up.
"Your hands might burn a little but washing them out should be good. It isn't t pleasant looking." She warns, picking out the tap and unwrapping my left wrist first. It was a bright shade of red, flesh still leaking blood but not showing any signs of nerve damage. She unwraps my right hand and I cringe slightly at the sight. This time there was 3 different rows of 3+ stitches, Other parts were deep but I guess not stitch worthy. "Avoid straining the stitches." Mom suggests, crumpling the bloodied gauze and tossing it in the trash bin, turning to see me eyeing my wrists still.
"Baby it wasn't your fault." Her voice feels distant, but I can see her kneeling in front of me.
"How'd I do this to myself?" I ask.
"You were scared and felt guilty for something you didn't do. It's fine though, you're fine." She kisses my forehead and lifts my chin so my blue eyes meet her's.
I feel like I need to be in a straight jacket or something." I joke, a laugh appearing from my speech.
Mom laughs as well and presses my hair back. "You're crazy but not that kind of crazy. A good kind that your dad always claimed was in me." We both laugh and she kisses my forehead once more. "I love you sweetie."
"I love you too mom."
"Now go shower stinky. We both know how your brother gets when he is hungry." We both laugh at this while I rise from the bed and head into my bathroom.
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-Valentina