Author's note: Hi everyone, how are you? I'll keep this short and sweet since most of my author's notes are super long! I hope you like the chapter.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing from the Hunger Games series. It is the property of the fantastic Suzanne Collins.

I hug my sister tightly, for once feeling hopeful about the future.

Chapter 38

Water sprays down around me, warm and comforting. I love being in the shower. It's one place where I can forget myself, my problems and for a few minutes, be a normal person. Grabbing the bottle of Capitol Factor All-In-One that Octavia gave me, I squirt some purple gel onto my palm, massaging it into my scalp. A delicious berry scent fills the room, reminding me of crisp autumn mornings. I sigh softly, fingers trailing gently through my hair, untangling it, cleansing it. I stick my head under the water, watching the bubbles slide slowly down the drain. I wish I could just stay under the warm water forever, never having to face the world again. But I know I have to get out. Sleep. The thought terrifies me. I bite my lip, turning the water off and wrapping my shivering body firmly under a towel. Holding it tightly to my chest, I shuffle out of the bathroom and into the hallway. My head twists from side to side, watching anxiously for the appearance of Prim or my mother. My wet hair slaps my bare shoulders, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. Quickly, I run across the hallway, round the corner opening the door and shutting it firmly. Sighing, I lean across the door, flipping on the light switch.

"Shit!" I yell, holding the towel close to my body. Peeta sits on my sofa, the open window sending a cool draft through the room.

"Hello." He smirks, eyeing me up and down. I clutch the towel so hard, my knuckles turn white.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hiss angrily, hoping my mother or Prim hadn't heard my shout. Peeta opens his mouth to explain, when there's a quiet knock on the door.

"Katniss?" My mother's voice echoes through the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" I reply too quickly, my voice high and shaky. "I just stubbed my toe on the…the door!"

"Are you sure?" My mother asks, her voice filled with concern. "You sound very distressed, would you like me to take a look at it?"

"No, it's okay!" I shout back. "There's no need to come in!"

"Well, I need to talk to you anyway." She replies. "So I'm coming in."

"Hang on a minute, I'm not decent!" I whirl around, Peeta with a horrified expression on his face. My mother's reaction earlier…if she catches him in here, I really wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

"Hide!" I whisper anxiously. Peeta stands up, looking around the room.

"Where?" He hisses back. The closet is in the wall, and it's too small to hide someone as big as Peeta. It's too much of a risk to hide him behind the sofa and hope that my mother doesn't see him. I glance over at my bed, hidden by thick teal curtains.

"Bed." I tell him. He grins, waggling his eyebrows.

"Yes Ma'am!" I glare at him.

"Peeta, not the time!" I hustle him into the alcove, pulling the curtains across firmly so it is hidden from view. I rush to my closet and pull on a pair of shorts and a top, hoping they're pajamas. "Okay I'm decent!" I yell to the door. My mother walks in, rolling her eyes.

"Honestly, Katniss, I gave birth to you. Do you really think I care if I see you naked?" I sigh. Just because she's fine with people being nude, doesn't mean I have to be.

"I care." I retort, then shut my mouth because I can't be bothered to start another argument. "Anyway, what do you want to talk about?" My mother takes me by the hand and leads me to the sofa. She sits down next to me, taking my hand in hers, gripping it tightly.

"Well, I was planning on talking to you about this anyway, I have been trying to do so for a while but I haven't really had the opportunity. Now that you and Peeta are together, it's become very important." I internally cringe. Here we go, and I have no escape. Then I remember that Peeta is hiding behind me and can probably hear every word. I blush bright scarlet, trying to wriggle out of her grasp.

"Can we discuss this another time, Mother? It's just that now's not really a good time."

"Why not?" She asks.

"Well, I'm very tired, you know I haven't been sleeping well and I really would like to get an early night." I babble on, trying any excuse I can think of. My mother just stands there, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I see." She interrupts me. "Well, if that's the case, we will talk about this in the morning."

"Really?" I ask hopefully. My mother rolls her eyes.

"No!" She snaps. "I wasn't born yesterday. I'm not giving you time to sneak out for the day. No, we're going to talk about this and we're going to talk about it now." Sighing, I slump back down onto the sofa, praying that Peeta isn't listening. "I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do. You're almost an adult and I'm going to let you make your own decisions and mistakes. All I ask, is that you tell me if you plan to be intimate with anyone." I cringe.

"Why?" I ask. My mother smiles wryly.

"I was young once. I know what it's like to want to be with someone. You've probably seen a lot of women get pregnant very young. It happens because the Capitol doesn't provide protection for the Districts. Of course, the ways here to prevent pregnancy are rather limited but there are ways. If you tell me, I can try and get you some things to help prevent pregnancy. I'm not saying it'll mean that you won't become pregnant, but it will decrease the risk. I know you don't want to have children Katniss." I sit up, staring at my mother.

"You'd do that…for me?" I ask, shocked. My mother smiles.

"Of course I would Katniss. You're my daughter. I don't like the idea of you being intimate with anyone, but if the situation happens, I want you to be safe." Even though I'm feeling slightly sick, I'm so grateful that my mother would take risks like that for me.

"Thank you." I reply quietly. "I'll let you know." My mother smiles and nods.

"Well, I'll let you sleep. You must be tired. Are you sure you don't want one of my remedies?" I shake my head.

"They make it worse." I say. She smiles sadly, kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"Goodnight Katniss." Then she leaves the room, shutting the door. I let out a sigh of relief. Peeta emerges from the curtains.

"I thought she was never going to leave!" I laugh, catching him in a tight hug. I relish the feeling of his arms around me. Peeta chuckles. "Why are you here?" I ask.

"I wanted to see if you were okay, after earlier." He replies, nuzzling my cheek. I can't help but smile.

"I think we're okay now." I murmur. "We talked and everything's going to be fine. I think."

"Well, at least she's given us her blessing to be intimate." He grins as I cringe, my cheeks streaked with crimson.

"You heard that?" I groan, pulling away from him and burying my face in my hands.

"Of course I heard." He takes a hand under my chin, tilting my face up so I have to look at him. "Don't be embarrassed. I think it's cute that your mother is so protective." I roll my eyes.

"She thinks I'm so innocent." I grin. "What would she think if she knew you were in here?" Peeta smirks.

"She'd think that I was a bad influence on her innocent daughter." I smile, looping my arms around his neck.
"I think I'm the bad influence round here." He raises an eyebrow, before leaning down to kiss me. I smile into the kiss, molding my lips to his. We kiss for what feels like forever and when we break apart I trace my lips with my finger, my skin tingling. Suddenly, I'm sick of just kissing. I want more. What I want, I don't know, but whatever it is, I want to feel more than just his lips on mine. His arms still around my waist, Peeta spins me round and starts walking backwards until my knees hit the bed and I fall, my head landing on the mountain of soft pillows.

"You're so beautiful." Peeta murmurs above me. I smile at the compliment. He's so biased. His lips leave mine, trailing to my neck. The second his lips touch my neck, I arch upwards, exposing more of my skin to him. He groans quietly and the vibrations go through me, sending a shiver down my spine. This is more. God, this is more. My eyes close and I can't stop a sound escaping my lips, wild and wanton. He trails kisses down my neck, stopping at the point between my neck and my shoulder. As he sucks the skin, my back arches again, and his name comes out as a breathy whisper. He chuckles against my skin, then comes back up to my lips, capturing me in a passionate, heart-stopping kiss. I sigh, leaning back further into the pillows, my head spread out around me. It feels natural to let my legs to slide open, to let him nestle between them as he kisses me. I feel so dizzy, almost drunk from the feeling that his kisses bring. "Wait." Peeta groans, his eyes almost black, his voice husky and deep. "We need to stop."

"Why?" I mean to ask the question calmly, but it sounds more like a whine. Peeta smiles, his fingers tracing my cheek.

"We've only been together a few days, and we're making out. I thought you wanted to take things slow?" I roll my eyes.

"Yeah I did, but I've changed my mind now. I want you to kiss me again!" I whine. He chuckles, planting a chaste kiss on my swollen lips, a million miles away from what he was doing a minute ago. I wrap my arms around him again, trying to bring him closer.

"Katniss." He warns and I sigh, pulling away from him and rolling away from him, feeling hurt. "Katniss?" He repeats, leaning over me. I turn my head away. He sighs. "I want you." He murmurs. "So much, it's killing me. But you deserve more than this. You deserve romance, candles, privacy. I want to give you that." I sigh, turning back to him. He smiles. "I do want you." He repeats. "You don't know how long I've wanted you."

"Peeta, it's getting creepy." I warn him and he laughs, pulling me into a tight embrace. He plants a kiss on my head, then gets off the bed, trying to smooth his rumpled clothing. I walk him over to the window, sharing one last, unbearably sweet kiss. Then he's gone and I'm alone. I go back to bed, flopping down onto the rumpled sheets. My fingers trail the path of his kisses. A shiver runs down my spine. I sigh. I'm never going to sleep now. Slowly, I get under the covers, trying to sleep. My mind just keeps replaying this evening, and my mind is filled with him. His smile, his eyes, his kiss, it swirls round and round in my mind until it's all I can think about. I close my eyes, trying to put Peeta out of my mind. I hate that I'm so vulnerable now. I used to be so strong on my own, now I just can't seem to function like a normal person without him. I roll my eyes irritably, settling down to sleep.

We're stood at the top of the Cornucopia, the night air freezing my extremities. Peeta and I huddle together, waiting for the announcement that never comes. Suddenly, President Snow materializes in front of my eyes, dressed impeccably in a white suit, white shirt and white shoes. A white roses peeks out of his lapel, the petals stained crimson with blood. It drips down his suit into a puddle at his feet.

"Well, well, well Miss Everdeen. We seem to have reached an impasse." He chuckles menacingly, leering towards me. I clutch Peeta tightly, taking a step backwards and dragging him with me.

"What do you want?" I hiss, my voice dripping with distain and hate.

"I want a Victor." He replies, his voice and expression impassive, not giving anything away. "We both won!" I shout, my voice echoing on the empty plain. "That was the deal!"

"Oh my dear Miss Everdeen, you should know that I never make deals." He grins, teeth flashing white. His snake-like eyes stare at me, arrogance making them dance. I resist the urge to stab him through the heart and watch him die. "It seems to me that you won't make a choice. So I'll make it for you." He laughs. Then he disappears, only leaving the pool of blood where he stood.

"Katniss." Peeta groans, his grimy bandages splattered with blood.

"Peeta, you'll be okay!" I tell him firmly, shaking him to make him look at me. He looks at me, but he looks through me, like he can't see me. "Everything will be okay. We're both going to win. We'll both go home."

"That's bullshit and you know it." He murmurs, clutching his leg and wincing as he chuckles. Carefully, I pull Peeta down so that we're both sitting on the Cornucopia, the cold hunk of metal numbing my bottom. Peeta leans heavily against me, too weak to support his weight. What am I doing? President Snow is forcing me to choose. Peeta has to live. He's good, so inherently good that it would be evil to let him die. Tears form in my eyes as I turn his face and kiss him, my tears running into the kiss.

"Goodbye Peeta." I whisper. Suddenly, he sits up, taking hold of me.

"What are you doing?" His eyes widen when he realizes my plan. "Katniss, I can't let you die for me!" He howls.

"You can go home!" I tell him, dragging my hand over my face to get rid of the tears. "Remember me Peeta." I kiss him one last time, and then shove him off me, jumping off the Cornucopia before he can stop me. I wish it was tall enough that the impact would kill me but of course, the audience wants a show. If they want a show, they're going to get a fucking show.

"C'mon then!" I yell to the sky. "Finish me off!" Silence. The wind whistles through the plain, whipping through my tangled hair. I stand there, bold and defiant to the end, my mockingjay pin glinting as the sun begins to rise. I turn away from Peeta, unable to look at his face any longer. I bring my knife, Clove's knife out of my pocket. I look at it, the jagged edges glinting. Can I do it? Can I willingly kill myself? I allow one last glance back at the Cornucopia. I have to, for Peeta's sake. I hold the knife up high, closing my eyes. I pray it will be swift, that I will feel no pain. I say goodbye to my family, to my friends. I say thank you to Haymitch, for keeping us alive. Thank you to Cinna, the prep-teams, for making us memorable. Thank you to Effie, for helping us win. Peeta…his face swirls in my mind and my resolve hardens. I'm doing this for him. I open my eyes and look around at my surroundings, the place where I will die. I'm dying with dignity, by my own choice. My rules. Suddenly, the knife flies out of my hands. Peeta is there, the knife now in his hand.

"I can't let you die for me!" He shouts. "I'm dying anyway! You deserve to live Kat, and I want you to live life to the full, a husband, kids, everything. I want you to wake up every morning, thankful for life. Just…remember me." He plunges the knife deep into his heart, ripping the bandage off his leg, letting the blood pour out. He collapses on the ground while I watch in horror, my plan gone horribly wrong.

"No!" I scream, the sound wrenching from some deep hidden part inside of me. It is a cry of anger, a cry of help, and a cry of grief. I stumble over to him, to help him, but it's too late. He is still, cold. He is gone…

I awake to a gut-wrenching scream echoing through the house.

Author's Note: What a nightmare! I hope you enjoyed the chapter guys. I know it's taken me a while to update, but it always does! As usual, thanks to the gorgeous TheRealPrimroseEverdeen for being awesome and thanks to my never ending supply of songs that help me write. Without my music, I would be nothing. I'd publish a playlist for you guys, but the list would be so long that I think it would be pointless! Anyway, please leave a review, I haven't had many in a while and it would be really nice to hear what you guys think. I love suggestions and comments so if want to, feel free to PM me about anything! See you guys soon!

Love,

Mjenney21 xxx