A/N: A reader asked for Christian's POV in the office with Cassidy and I thought it would be fun (it wasn't, lol) so I wrote it. And here it is. I'm following the original book, more or less, in this part of the story, with my own twists here and there. The next chapter will pick up from the last point, with Ana again and I'm working on it now. Doing my best to update—and at the expense of the novels I'm writing to publish. :)

Chapter 38

Christian's POV

Leaning back against the edge of my desk, arms crossed, I wait for Taylor to bring Cassidy up to my office as my mind travels the long distance of time past. She was just nineteen when I met her, glossy dark hair—almost black—shining brown eyes the color of melted chocolate, and long, tanned legs exposed by the tiny skirts she was fond of wearing. Her huge beaming smile and tinkling laugh were infectious but also counterproductive to her role as a submissive. I often had to be stern with her, especially since I was a brand new Dominant and not looking to show leniency so early into my tenure.

I didn't love her—she was a diversion, certainly. More than that, she fulfilled the need in me to exercise control. I needed that… need that. Present tense. Though I had affection for Cassidy and for all my subs, I never loved any of them.

Ana is different. There's not a subservient bone in her body and she gives as good as she gets. She might get turned on by sexual dominance, but that's as far as she'll ever let me take it. And somehow that difference was what it took to captivate my heart.

There was also her innocence, her guile-free personality. With Ana, what you see is what you get. I've never met anyone like her before.

But this is not about Ana; this is about Cassidy who at the moment is ruining my contentment. The last time I saw her she was not at her best… and then I didn't hear from her ever again. Until now. What did she want? How would I find her?

The last time I set eyes on Cassidy Davidson she was twenty years old and crying hysterically. She'd walked in on my second session with Petra, my new sub, and she'd begun throwing things at the young woman—anything she could put her hands on. Restrained on the spanking bench, Petra was thoroughly unable to defend herself and since the room was full of implements that could be used as deadly weapons, I had to quickly get control of her. After liberating Petra from her restraints, I told her to go home and wait for my call. At that point in my life I was just getting established in business and my apartment, being small, didn't have an extra bedroom to designate for my submissive's use. I'd repurposed the second bedroom as the dungeon—a higher priority.

I'd met Cassidy the year before. At that time, after three years of training with my mentor, Irina had just cut me loose to find my own sub and it was a heady feeling to know I'd have someone under my control. Some of the Doms I met through Irina's parties especially liked bringing new women into the lifestyle, liked teaching them, and convincing them that they enjoyed being dominated. Not me. I wanted a trained submissive, ready to submit to my every command, knowing what was expected of her, and executing it flawlessly. And if not, she would be mine to punish. Cassidy Davidson seemed to fit the bill on all counts and for a young man who'd never had any control—over his own life or others'—it was incredibly empowering.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely—it is so true. It's something I've learned in business and something I've learned as a Dominant. It all went to my head and I began to consider Cassidy as my own personal property—my pretty girl to do with as I wished.

Cassidy, however, had her own plans. She wanted to move in with me; she even dropped the M word once or twice. I began having suspicions about her going off her birth control to entrap me. True, I had great affection for her—and even more for her athletic body. But I was Christian Grey, up and coming corporate titan, and I wasn't going to settle down with anyone so early in the game.

Then Petra swung her narrow hips my way. Ah, long and lean Petra, half English, half German and she spoke German with a British accent. She was also double-jointed. The things Petra and I managed... I loved to put her in elaborate rope suspension and fuck her raw.

I check my watch. It's been nearly fifteen minutes since I dispatched Taylor to collect Cassidy from security. What's the problem? I sigh, impatient to get back to Ana, as I always am when she's with me. The moment Ana enters my thoughts I again consider whether or not Ana was the catalyst to bring Cassidy out of the woodwork. In the last month, photographs of the two of us have flooded the Internet and magazines, partly because I instructed my publicist to ensure that outcome. I wasn't pleased to have Ana photographed so much with Kent in the year or so since I met her, and I felt damage control was in order. My mind drifts back to the past.

I had purposely allowed Cassidy to find me with my new submissive for I was tired of Cass's power plays. My plan worked beautifully too—all except for the violence she exhibited, resulting in Petra requiring seven stitches in her eyebrow and forehead. That was a consequence I didn't expect but it could have been worse—there were knives in the room, even though I've never been overly fond of edge play. I also didn't expect Cassidy to disappear so fast and so thoroughly but I couldn't say I was all that sorry. Clean breaks don't fester.

My musings are interrupted by footsteps approaching my office, growing louder as they draw nearer. About to correct my posture, I instead force myself to remain in a relaxed position. Never let them see you sweat.

The door opens and Taylor walks in, escorting Cassidy with a firm grip on her arm. When Taylor's about his business you don't mess with him if you have a brain and Cassidy is learning the same. Her eyes are as wide and round as a kid in a Keane painting and she looks right on the edge of weeping.

Taylor deposits her about ten feet in front of me.

"Sorry for the delay, Mr. Grey. Ms. Davidson here didn't want to accompany me to your office and I couldn't force the issue with the building security staff witnessing the whole thing."

I nod. "Understood, Taylor. Thank you."

"She had several weapons on her person. We disarmed her before escorting her up here but I can't say with a hundred percent confidence that we got all of it, not without doing a strip search."

I nod to let him know I understand. I do not address Cassidy, don't even acknowledge her really, instead remaining where I am, arms crossed, and staring at her. My feelings are mixed right now. Part of me is happy to see her—a person who once meant a lot to me when I was young. The other part is pissed off beyond measure, not only at the trouble she's caused lately, but by the worry she cost me. I've been afraid she'd go after Ana the way she did Petra.

She stands there, her eyes cast down, fingers fidgeting with her purse strap and then with her watch. As I wait for her to say something, I study the ways time has changed her. She's much thinner—too thin—being at least fifteen pounds underweight and it impacts on her good looks, making her face appear drawn and older than her… what? Twenty-nine years? Her dark hair is shorter, cut on an angle with the front longer than the back. It looks nice and freshly styled but has lost the high gloss it used to have under my hands. In fact, no aspect of the sparkling young woman with the quick, infectious laugh is visible; in her stead is a somber, underfed woman who looks like she bears the weight of life's burdens on her bony shoulders. It's making me depressed and I want to get this interview over with sooner rather than later.

"Well?" I finally ask, my voice unfriendly. "Have you nothing to say to me?"

"I… um…" She stops, her body trembling. Was she always this frightened of me?

"Look at me, please."

Her eyes rise from the floor to peer into mine. I mouth the word down and she instantly falls to her knees. I remain, staring at her dispassionately but she says nothing.

"What the fuck is this all about?" I growl, losing what little patience I was managing to maintain. I walk behind her, bending down to check her for any weapons. I don't plan to strip her and do an internal search but I doubt she'd go that far anyway. I remember Cassidy was fond of strapping a knife to her thigh when she felt insecure. I make sure I check her thighs, front and back. Finding nothing, I rise to my feet and regain my position in front of her.

"I'm sorry, sir," she croaks out, her voice little more than a raspy whisper. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, I know. I felt so… desperate."

By my erect carriage and bearing, I let her know right away where I stand in this matter. She wilts even more, so I know she's reading my body language. "So you crossed boundaries…"

"Yes, Mr. Grey. I knew you were the only person who could possibly have helped me to such an extent… it made me think perhaps… we might…"

"We might? What, Cassidy? Pick up where we left off? All those years ago?"

"It sounds ridiculous now, I know. But I had somehow convinced myself..." She tapers off, her voice getting weaker with each word.

"Do you realize that kind of behavior was exactly why we had to part company in the first place? You overstepped. You were my submissive; you tried to be more—much more—than what I was willing to allow you. That is why I was forced to find another sub."

The tears begin so she hangs her head even lower and nods. "Yes, sir," she says, sobbing, her voice thick with her misery. "It was all my fault. I know."

I step closer to her and she drops to kiss my shoes, something she used to do when she was trying to get out of trouble and sucking up to me big time.

Misery is seeping out of her pores like sweat—it's palpable in the air of the room—so in an attempt to comfort her, I pat her head. It's truly all I can manage in my present frame of mind. "It's done now so calm yourself. I'd like to speak with you for a few minutes now that you're here… and I'm here."

She nods in acknowledgment but continues to try to justify herself.

"I've always followed you in the news, sir, as much as possible. I wanted you to…" She stops her muttering and shakes her head, as if having a disagreement with herself. After a couple of moments, she picks up again. "I kept seeing photos of you with women, different women every time. Then, more recently, you were photographed with the same woman over and over… she looked sort of like me so… a lot like me. I don't know, I guess I thought maybe you'd changed… maybe you were ready to have something more than just a Dom/sub thing. Since she looked a lot like me… I thought… you might still have feelings for me." She swallows visibly. "That and the fact that you paid my bills…" She looks up at me. "… but you wouldn't see me. Refused to meet with me. The more you refused, the more desperate I became to see you, sir."

Well, I'd suspected that she'd figure it out that I covered her debts. Absentmindedly, I realize my hand is still on her head so I pat her again, my mind like a Rolodex, flipping through explanations to give her… or maybe the truth? But no, if I tell her Ana is different from every other girl, she may become angry enough to try to hurt her. Or would she? Cassidy was never wacko, just jealous. She was justified in feeling jealous of Petra… but certainly not of Ana. Maybe this is all much ado about nothing?

In the end I decide to be vague for I have no obligation to explain myself to this woman. "Cassidy, you were mistaken. I haven't changed… not at all. Appearances can be very deceiving, you know."

When she looks up I take my hand away from her hair. In a small voice, she asks, "So you're not serious with anyone, sir?" As she waits for my answer she wipes her runny nose with the back of her hand, her eyes staying fixed on me.

Shit. I'm rather backed into a corner now. Hesitating, I stretch my body all the way back to snatch her a tissue from the other side of my desk, handing it to her as I fish for an acceptable answer.

Before I can frame my reply Cassidy interrupts, "You look good, sir, if I may say so."

Her eyes are now on my body, traveling from my chest to my dick. It's not hard and I think that fact disappoints her yet even still, lust hijacks her solemn expression—I can see it in the flare of her irises and her slightly parted lips. To move us back to center I finally reply, "I am dating one woman in particular, Cassidy, which is why you keep seeing us together. However, it's a fairly recent development and I've dated many others before her. Why you just picked up on her is mystifying to me."

She reaches out with her hands, grasping the one of mine that she'd lost a moment before. "Sir, she's with you in a lot of photos and she sort of looks like me. All the other women were blonde but she has dark hair and she's about my height and…" She lets go of my hand and hers go palm up. "Why couldn't you choose me, sir? We were good together."

I attempt to keep my sigh of exasperation silent—getting annoyed with her more than I already am will serve no purpose. "Cass, we were far too young for it to go anywhere. I feel I'm still too young to make any commitment to a woman."

Fuck. The moment the words march out of my mouth I say a prayer to the gods of relationships that Ana cannot hear me. I think it's a lie—I don't believe my commitment-shy behavior has anything to do with age but I need to tell Cassidy something that will pacify her.

"Listen, you already know I saw to a few outstanding bills for you. I checked into you to make sure you were okay… my investigator learned you were in a bad marriage, and had a child to raise alone. How did you get into these straits? Last I heard you were planning to go to graduate school."

"I did… and then to med school. I was doing my residency when I met Patrick. I thought he was… like you. But he wasn't. He just enjoyed abusing women; he wasn't a Dominant."

So I was right but I am too shocked to pat myself on the back. "So you're a doctor? An MD?" The astonishment in my tone is so pronounced it's comical. Even Cassidy smiles.

Shyly, she nods. "I was. Licensed to practice in Oregon where we live. I had to put everything on hold, though, when my life fell apart. And now, between my student loans and all the credit card debt Patrick left me saddled with, I'm not in good financial shape. So what you did was very kind and extremely helpful, sir."

I nod. "Good. Will you return to medicine now?"

A small shrug shakes her shoulders. "Probably. I want to move out of Oregon so I'll have to get licensed in whatever state I ultimately land in but I won't let all that schooling go to naught. Now that my bills are paid I can start planning…" Her face flushes very red and I understand why the moment she utters the next sentence. "I would be happy to express my gratitude, Mr. Grey."

Narrowing my eyes I quickly nip that idea in the bud and change the subject. "A simple thank-you will more than suffice, Cassidy. Where will you settle… do you know?"

She looks up at me and tears begin again. I watch them spill from her eyes and roll down, leaving tracks on her hollow cheeks. She used to cry a lot when she was my sub, especially when I was angry with her, and I find I'm not moved by her tears.

"Sir, there's something I want you to know, something I should have told you long ago."

I'm dreading this. "What is it?"

Her voice emerges as a whisper, barely audible. "I loved you, Mr. Grey… so much. I still do. I don't want to hurt you or cause you any trouble so I'll go away, I will, I promise. I considered it worth it to try… you were worth it to try, to make sure. You're so… perfect, sir, so… right."

I twist in discomfort but the pain etched into her face compels me to try to ease it so I place my hand on her head again. It's the only affection I can show her and more than I want to but Cass makes the most of it, leaning into my leg, clinging to me. I attempt to move away but she inclines her body, following me. I'm just thankful that Ana is safe and sound up in my suite because things would get ugly fast if she were to witness any of it. My girl is as jealous as they make 'em.

After a few minutes I can stand it no longer. I pull away from the woman's grasp. "Cassidy, here are your instructions. I want your full attention so you can remember and obey them. First, go home and do what's necessary to get your head straight and facilitate your move to whatever state to which you choose to relocate. As long as it's not Washington State, I will assist you financially in resettling. I want you in regular visits to a mental health therapist, at least once a week, possibly more if he or she thinks it necessary. Once you're healthy again, you may set about applying and certifying for your medical license and satisfying your residency requirements. Should you have need of further assistance you may call my HR person and she will relay the request to me. Her name is Hannah Josephs and she will be your liaison. If you attempt to come anywhere near my companion or even directly contact or see me again, I will withdraw all support and press charges if applicable." I wait for a response that doesn't come. "Do you understand these instructions and conditions, Cassidy?"

Her head hanging down, she bobs it in assent.

"Verbal confirmation, please," I say. Even I could hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Yes, Mr. Grey. All is understood," she whispers complacently.

Somewhat mollified by her easy acceptance I feel more conciliatory. "Okay then," I say and I reach down to help her to her feet. "I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sure you'll do fine if you keep your eyes trained on your goals."

The look of sheer misery on her face is unsettling so I choose to ignore it. "Taylor will escort you out and he can drive you back to your hotel or wherever you're staying. Where are you staying?"

"Nowhere now. I guess I'll go home."

"Who's watching your little girl, Cassidy?"

"I left her with a neighbor. I should get back to her."

"Yes, you should." I look behind me at Taylor, standing unobtrusively in the corner of the room. "Taylor, please take Ms. Davidson to Sea-Tac and ensure she gets on a flight home."

"Yes, sir." Unflappable as always, he walks over to us. "Ms. Davidson?"

She looks at him blankly but obediently allows him to escort her to the door. Right before she walks through it, she turns her head around and glances back at me. "I hope you're happy, Mr. Grey. You look it, that's for sure… and I'm glad for you."

I nod from my perch on the corner of my desk, my arms once again crossed in front of me. Relief washes over me the moment she leaves the room. As soon as I hear their footsteps recede into the front room leading to the entry hall, I leap up to get back to Ana. Practically running up the stairs I fling open the door to my suite but it's empty. "Ana? Ana? Where are you?"

No answer. Maybe in the bathroom? I walk across the room, past the sitting room and into the bathroom. No Ana. Where the hell is she? I go back out and buzz Gail on the intercom.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?"

"Gail, have you seen Ms. Steele by any chance."

"No, sir, I haven't."

"All right, thanks." I rake my hand through my hair, bubbles of panic rising up in my gut. Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I swipe for her number and press to call. My heart sinks when it goes right to voicemail. Fuck. I swipe for Sawyer.

"Where are you?" I bark into the phone as soon as he picks up.

"In the office, sir. I just got here and can't find Taylor."

"Taylor is out of the office, doing something for me. I can't seem to locate Ms. Steele. She should be somewhere in the apartment."

"Yes, sir. I'll check all the monitors and then start downstairs in the private rooms."

"Good." I disconnect and storm out of the suite to check the hall and other bedroom suites. This is the kind of situation that makes me loathe the huge size of the apartment.

Twenty minutes later we've canvassed the entire place with no sign of Ana. By now I'm on the razor's edge of losing it, worried about Ana's safety, but also her state of mind. Did she leave me again?

Fuck! I feel like I'm about to explode. I rip my hands through my hair grabbing fistfuls of it at the nape as I try to think. I'm pacing the hall like a madman. Where? Where is she? Where would she go? Why? Why? Why? Because of Cassidy? What the hell is going on?

Forty minutes later, Taylor returns.

His face shows nothing so I ask, "You handled it?"

"Yes, sir. She made a flight to Portland with only minutes to spare. She had no luggage—just the bag she was carrying with her."

I jerk my head. "Good. I need both you and Sawyer to go now—start with her apartment and fan out from there to her—"

"Sir?"

I grit my teeth. "I seem to have misplaced Ms. Steele." I wave my arm. "Sawyer and I checked the whole fucking apartment and she's either gone or has become invisible. I need you to find her!" I don't mean to yell but that's what I just did, right in Taylor's face.

Taylor holds up a finger to stop me and pulls out his phone. Attempting to bring down my respiration to a tolerable level, I watch as his fingers nimbly move over the cell's keyboard. When he's done he looks up with a small smirk.

I arch my brows in query. "Minx, sir. I thought it prudent to obtain her telephone number the last time she was in our company."

Just as he finishes saying the words his phone jingles with a text alert. He looks down and then back up, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. "Ms. Steele is with Minx and they're at a bar. Shall I go fetch her, sir?"

Grrr. I want to throw something large and breakable. When I see that girl, I am going to spank her ass so hard she won't be able to sit for a week. What the hell is she thinking to go off like that without a word of explanation to me? "Go," I order. "Bring her straight back to me. And Taylor?"

He's already on his way out so he pivots on one heel and looks at me. "Mr. Grey?"

"Do not take no for an answer. Drag her back here if you have to."

"Yes, sir. I'm sure it won't come to that, Mr. Grey."

"I wouldn't be so sure," I mutter under my breath. The woman is exasperating. As soon as the elevator door slides quietly shut behind him I begin my pacing again.