UPDATE: I'll post the second part of this chapter on Wed. Had a few kinks to work out. ;)

This is the last Shepard flashback chapter of Reaper Dreams. These events take place on the Citadel the day after Udina's failed coupe and the death of Thane Krios. Because Jack is available in the club right after Thane's death, I always take Shepard to meet up with Jack, and though the scene cuts out, I assume that she drinks way too much... probably hits the Ryncol. "put more stuff in the stuff". Thane is one of my favorite character's, thus by default is dear to Josslyn Shepard. She takes his death hard, but it also brings her to a point in life where she's ready to make a major commitment to Liara.

I wrote the latter part of this chapter with the song "Keep Yourself Warm" on loop. Love the song, love the vibe and what it's saying, and it's especially appropriate for this version of Shepard.

I crossed 11k words so I had to bust this chapter in two.

"That's how you know it's true. I could never put that in a book, too unlikely!"... Varric Tethras

It takes more than fucking someone
To keep yourself warm

Frightened Rabbit

December 13th, 2186

Josslyn E. Shepard

She'd meant to be with Liara, but somehow she'd ended up with that stripper from Omega again. What had she done now? She turned to the Asari who'd been kissing her neck, only to realize it was actually someone else entirely, Gianna, no wait, Kelly, no, it was the secretary from the Citadel, and then the Consort, and… how many women had she been with? They kept changing.

'Ah, it's a dream. That's what's going on,' she thought.

The balloon popped and she woke up in a cheap hotel. She had only the slightest headache and her mouth tasted like she'd filled it with cotton balls soaked in rocket fuel. The fact that she felt it at all meant she must have been drinking a lot. She had a vague recollection of the hospital, saying the prayer with Thane's son, and watching the life drain out of her friend. Grief, loss, she needed to blow off steam, so she went to the club. She danced with… she couldn't remember.

She turned over in bed and blinked. There was an empty spot next to her, but it was indented. Someone had been sleeping in it. The shower was running. She sat up and glanced around, rubbing the sleep out her eyes. She could hear the loading horns, shuttles, and freight tugs, which meant she was in one of the hotels near the Citadel docks, but who was she with?

Shit, what had she done now? The shower shut off and a woman emerged from the steam. Shepard saw her as she slipped into the dryer. The tattoos, the scars… Jack. She remembered now, she'd met Jack for drinks, found her going over the duty roster, bitching about responsibility, and gushing with pride over her kids. She'd somehow managed to pry Jack away from her responsibility. Shepard needed to cut loose, get Thane's death off her mind.

Jack came out of the bathroom in search of her clothes. Her skin was still damp, glistening, which caused her ink to look slick in the hotel lights. It was beautiful, she was beautiful. Had they? She stared at Jack and tried to run through all the events after the club.

Jack noticed her stare. "Damn, Shepard, you takin' a picture?"

She couldn't find the words, so she settled for a soft grunt.

Jack pulled on her pants. "Seriously, why are you looking at me like that?"

Shepard brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Crazy night, huh?"

Jack snorted. "Yea, real crazy."

Shepard vaguely remembered dropping by Jack's hotel room, but nothing… ah, there it was. She remembered now. Shifting her weight, she reached down and brushed her hand over her left glute. It was a little tender.

She was relieved. "Oh, tattoo! That's why we came here. You talked me into some ink."

Jack laughed. "Right on, Girl Scout. I was going to put it on your shoulder blade, but nah, you're a lot more fun when you're drunk. You dropped trou, slapped your ass, and said, 'put it right here!' Who was I to argue?"

Shepard blushed. "That was probably the liquor talking."

Jack nodded in the most unsympathetic way. "Did I not warn you to stay away from Ryncol? I like a good time too, but that shit can kill humans, Shepard—even biotics like us."

"Noted, but how did you talk me into a tattoo to begin with?" Shepard wondered.

"You're not the only one in the galaxy with powers of persuasion, you know," said Jack.

"Uh, huh," said Shepard. "By the way… uh, my memory is pretty hazy, so…"

Shepard glanced at the bed they'd slept in.

Jack shook her head in amusement. "Relax, Shepard, nothing happened. I'm not completely feral. I have rules about this sort of thing, and you were way past the line. Besides, I hear that little blue beauty of yours has some serious connections, and I don't want to end up face down in a back alley somewhere."

Shepard felt relieved. Jack, who had just finished dressing, approached her. Reaching out, she grabbed Shepard's bicep, gave it a squeeze, and let out a low, predatory growl. The expression on Jack's face brought the blood back to Shepard's cheeks.

"Not that I wasn't tempted, Girl Scout, I mean, look at you! You're every bit a lady, and yet those muscles… shit, there isn't a woman in the galaxy who wouldn't want a ride on your pony," said Jack.

Shepard sighed. "Yea, that's been a lifelong problem of mine."

"Ahhh, poor you," said Jack. "Must be rough being the galaxy's hottest rock star."

Shepard protested. "I'm a soldier."

Jack shook her head. "Uh, look around, Shepard, we're at war and you're a fucking war hero, you're our leader. You think anyone gives a shit about these politicians, these stuffy old admirals who've been riding desks most of their lives? No, they're counting on you, they're looking at you. People believe we can win because of you, so yea, you're a rock star, shit, you're bigger than that—you're a fucking supernova."

Shepard was uncomfortable so she changed the subject. "It still stings a little bit. How many people have you inked?"

Jack shrugged. "No one, nobody else ever mattered enough."

"I see," said Shepard.

"Don't let it go to your head," said Jack.

"Not a chance," said Shepard. "So are you going to tell me what it is?"

Jack used her Omni-tool refractor to project the design. "You got this. Hope you like it cuz it's too late now."

"It's a little big," said Shepard. "But it's nice."

"Nice?" said Jack. "It's not about nice. On this one bad drop on Palaven I had to pull Rodriguez out from a pile of husks, and if I hadn't recognized her ugly fucking boot I wouldn't have seen her. She would've died under there."

Shepard understood. "Ah, so it's…"

Jack interrupted. "Good enough, so if you're ever hurt, barely breathing, lying under a pile of rubble at the ass end of this war, you're going to have…"

As her eyes pooled with tears, Shepard wrapped her arms around her.

"It's ok," she said. "You worry too much."

"You're the only friend I've ever had," said Jack. "I never thought that would mean so damn much, but there you fucking go. You've ruined me."

Jack got up and put some distance between them. Shepard glanced around and spotted her tank top hanging off a shelf. She didn't want to ask how it got up there. Retrieving it, she pulled it on. She found her Omni-tool near the bed. Her pistol was on a nearby cabinet, but the holster was missing.

Jack had collected herself. She was at the door. "By the way, I'm way behind on my duty roster and reports, so thanks a lot for that."

Shepard grinned. "You're welcome."

"Don't worry, I'll get even. In fact, it'll probably come sooner than you think," said Jack.

"Right," said Shepard.

She walked around the edge of the bed. "By the way, where are my pants?"

She heard the door shut. "Jack?"

'Nah, she wouldn't have,' thought Shepard. Besides, when Jack left, she had nothing in her hand but her pad.

Shepard continued to search the room in futility. She checked the shower, the closets, and everywhere else she could think of, and then her com channel buzzed on her Omni-tool.

"Hey, Shepard," said Jack. "Just a warning, there's a shitload of people in the lobby, a bunch of reporters too, including your favorite, the al-Jilani bitch."

"Great," said Shepard. "How did they know I was here?"

"One of the clerks who saw us stagger in last night probably tipped them off," said Jack.

"Funny, Jack, but the joke's over. Where did you hide my pants?" asked Shepard.

"I didn't hide them anywhere, honest," said Jack.

"Then where the hell are they?" asked Shepard.

"Oh, I should have mentioned this earlier," said Jack.

Shepard groaned.

"Remember when you pulled off your pants in the elevator to show me where you wanted the tattoo?" asked Jack.

"Shit," said Shepard.

"That's where I think you left them. They're long gone now. I warned you about that Krogan shit," said Jack.

"Jack, you have to help me out here," pleaded Shepard.

"Why?" asked Jack. "It's my art, Shepard, and it's going to be on every news feed in the galaxy. That's the kind of publicity I could never afford."

Shepard was desperate. "What about friendship? Didn't you just say I was…"

Jack cut her off. "Really, Shepard, I hate to break this to you, but I'm kind of an asshole. You should start choosing better friends. Besides, it's not so bad, it's not like you're wearing ugly underwear."

Shepard looked down. It was a worst case scenario. Before going to the club, she'd asked if Liara was going to join her. She was hoping for an intimate evening together, and had dressed appropriately. Quite frankly, it would have been less lurid to pass through the lobby completely bare assed, and for a second she actually considered it. But there was no way in hell…

"Jack!" yelled Shepard.

The com link went dead.

"Oh, next time I see you, you are so going to get it," she muttered.

She stared at the bed. She could wrap a sheet around her waist to walk out in, but that would make it even worse. The last thing she needed was the press speculating what she was hiding under the sheet. She could see the scandalous headlines now, and none of them were very flattering.

She opened her com link. "EDI, here are my coordinates. I need transportation, like pronto."

"Certainly, Commander," replied EDI. "I'll arrange for a taxi to pick you up in front of the hotel."

"No, no, no," said Shepard. "No taxi, I need private transportation, and I need it outside the hotel window. I'm in room…"

"Commander, I can track your location. Is this an emergency situation? Do you need tactical support?"

"No, pants," said Shepard.

"Excuse me?"

Shepard was losing her temper. "Is this twenty questions? Just send someone from the Normandy, in a car, with a pair of PANTS! Preferably in my size."

"Of course, Shepard," said EDI. "However, I feel it is my duty to provide all pertinent information. According to the data I accessed, the building you are in does not have an exit on that floor. There is no window access. They are sealed."

"Just leave that to me," said Shepard.

"Commander…"

"EDI, the car, now," said Shepard.

"As you wish," said EDI.

Several minutes later her com blinked.

"The transportation you requested is outside your window," said EDI.

"Good," said Shepard. "Are there any civilians or other personnel below the window?"

"Checking… all local feeds show the area clear," said EDI. "Though there is a significant gathering of civilians and press in the lobby."

"So I hear," said Shepard.

She raised her pistol and shot the window out. Once she spotted the sky car, she leapt out the hotel and onto the hood, then scrambled through an open window and into the passenger seat as quickly as she could, praying that no one saw her. As soon as she was inside, she found herself face to face with James Vega. His expression was priceless.

"What the hell, Lola?"

Shepard snapped at him. "Just drive!"

James hit the accelerator. "Where to?"

"Refugee center at the docking bay, I need to check on Kelly, make sure she's safe," said Shepard.

"Kelly Chambers?" asked James. "Word is Cerberus was asking around about her yesterday, but couldn't find her."

"Yea," said Shepard. "I made sure of that, but I still need to check in."

James dropped a level and sped through the traffic.

Shepard glanced around. "Where are my pants?"

James stabbed his thumb in the direction of the back seat. "In the tote bag."

Shepard sighed. "Great."

The bag wasn't easy to reach. Her broad shoulders wouldn't quite fit between the seats, so she had to pivot and squirm to get at the bag. By the time she could unzip it to search for the pants, her entire upper body was squeezed through the seat gap, leaving her lower torso literally kneeling ass backwards in the front. It was infuriating. Vega must have planned this, he had to have.

"You enjoying the view, James?" she asked.

"No, Ma'am," he replied. "My eyes are on the traffic. Your safety and dignity are my duty as an officer and gentleman.

"Uh, huh," she grunted.

Clutching the pants, she squirmed back out, scratching her ribs on a sharp piece of metal and pulling her tank half off. Before she'd fully extracted herself, and while she was in her most vulnerable position and couldn't strike out, Vega seized the opportunity.

He cleared his throat to get her attention. "That's a badass tattoo, Lola, I approve."

"Eyes on the traffic," she said.

Vega laughed. "No need, Lola, we're already parked."

Shepard finally got turned around. There were pedestrians outside the car. Several of them were staring.

"Dammit, James," she said.

"No worries, Lola. I flipped the glass tint to no-see. They're just curious about the nice ride," he said.

She pulled on the pair of pants, snapped them, and let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks James, for preserving my reputation. Is this your ride?" she asked.

"It is now," said James. "Won it from an arrogant Volus at the card table this morning. In fact, I'm late for the rematch. He thinks he's going to get it back, but no chance. I'm riding a lucky streak."

"Careful," said Shepard. "Lady Luck can turn on you."

James nodded. "Maybe, but today she's smiling, really smiling."

"Oh?" asked Shepard.

"I won the car, got the lock signed over, and not fifteen minutes later EDI contacts me to pick you up," said James.

"Lucky me," said Shepard.

"A real lucky day all around," said James.

The smile on his face kept getting wider.

"Get if off your chest, James," she said.

He grinned at her. "Culo hermoso!"

Shepard sighed. "Ok, LT, I'll let that one slide because you came to my rescue. But we never speak of this again, agreed?"

"Understood," said James.

She stretched after they exited the car, and glanced at the throng of people in customs. Her trips to the refugee center were rewarding, but often heartbreaking. There was no telling what the day would bring.

"Let's hope the rest of the day is less humiliating," said Shepard.

"Oh, come on, Lola, that's not even close to real humiliation," said James.

"Oh, you think you can top having to jump out of a hotel window in underpants that would make a stripper blush?" asked Shepard.

"Not even close. It was my twentieth birthday…" started James.

"Oh God," said Shepard. "Go find Garrus, because you're not dragging me into a 'top this' contest."

"No, just listen to the story and judge for yourself," said James.

The got into the security line.

"Make it short," said Shepard.

"I was dating this woman. Ria was her name, a real badass commando, an infiltrator, N7 rank just like you. Things were a little rocky, and I was still a kid, pretty immature, so I started seeing this other woman on the side. Suddenly, Ria seems interested in patching things up, says she wants to do something special for me on my birthday," said James.

"I can tell this isn't going to end well," said Shepard.

James continued. "So, she takes me back to her friend's place, this high end apartment on Terra Nova, you know, one of those swanky joints on the beach?"

"Saw it from a runaway rock once," said Shepard. "But never set foot on it."

"They're nice, that's the point," said James. "And spacious, so a little tequila, a little music, and we move it to the bedroom early in the tango, and she's asking me what's the one thing I always wanted to do, but never did, you know, in the sack."

"Please don't tell me," said Shepard.

"Not a chance," said James. "You'd think less of me, so anyway, I tell her, and she says she's willing to do it, but only if I wear something of hers during the act."

Shepard shook her head. "Here comes the setup."

James nodded. "So, I agree, I mean, I figure it makes it even kinkier, right? So we're in the bedroom, in the dark, getting funky, and she slips a pair stockings on me, but I'm down with it, totally secure in my manhood. In fact, I'm thinking, that's all? Considering what we're gonna do, it's all good."

"And she leaves the room…" said Shepard.

"Hey, it's my story!" said James.

"You said she was an infiltrator," said Shepard. "So she's an expert in setting up ambushes, did that not occur to you?"

"Oh, fuck no," said James. "I was twenty years old, all I was thinking about was my pene."

"So, she leaves the room, tells you to wait, then calls out to you a few minutes later to come take her on the kitchen table or something, right?" asked Shepard.

"You're ruining my story, Lola!" said James.

They paused for a minute at security check, but as soon as C-Sec recognized them, they were pushed through ahead of everyone else. As they passed the line, Shepard could feel the eyes on her back, hear the whispers, the hushed awe that made her so uncomfortable.

"Shepard, Shepard, Shepard, Commander Shepard," the name was murmured over and over, passing through the crowd like a breaker wave. She did her best to ignore it and focused on the conversation she was having.

"I just can't believe you fell for it," said Shepard.

"Hey, like I said, so I come out of the room, nothing on but the stockings…" said Vega.

Shepard guessed. "And your squad is out there thinking it's a surprise party?"

"Oh no, not just my squad," said James. "A lot of civilian friends too, and the girl I was seeing on the side. The worst part is, I couldn't tell in the dark, but the stockings were rosado."

"Red?" asked Shepard.

"Pink," said James. "Hot fucking pink."

Shepard burst out laughing. "Ok, you got me. That is pretty humiliating."

"Feel better, Lola?" asked James.

"Yea, a little bit," said Shepard.

"Then my job is done," said James.

They were near the boxes where several soldiers, merchants, and refugees were passing time. At any given table, you could find any type of card game in the galaxy. Permits were usually required to run a game on the Citadel, but C-Sec was letting it slide for obvious reasons.

James started to pick his way through the gamblers. "So, there's my table. Catch you later, Lola."

She called out to him. "Hey, Vega, is that story even true?"

He waived her off. "If we ever get a little closer, Lola, you can ask me again. I'll give you the uncensored version."

She shook her head and smiled, then made her way towards the heart of the docking bay.

It took her about forty minutes to find Kelly. She was clearing some boxes away from a large container. Shepard waved to get her attention. As soon as she did, Kelly ran over and embraced her.

"Shepard, you saved my life again," she said.

"What happened?" asked Shepard.

"Cerberus troopers came through here to secure the docks. They lined us all up. Then one of them started asking around for me by name," she said.

Shepard felt grateful. "But they didn't find you."

Kelly shook her head. "Their records said I went off-grid. If I hadn't changed my identity, I don't know what would have happened. Thank you."

Kelly squeezed tighter. They stood like that for a few minutes. It was nice. They locked eyes, and Kelly studied Shepard's face like she always did.

"You look like you've had a rough day," said Kelly.

Shepard grinned. "You could always read me right. Yea, long story."

Kelly ran her finger down Shepard's shoulder. "I have time. We can hang out a little bit, like old times. I was just clearing some boxes out of a little shelter I built. It's very private."

It sounded perfect, and under different circumstances she would have jumped at the chance. It was nice to feel so wanted. Shepard hesitated, trying to think of something to say. Kelly leaned her head against Shepard's chest.

She spoke softly. "I still think of those times in your cabin. I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Kelly," she answered.

It wasn't completely a lie, but Kelly sensed it wasn't all true either.

"You found someone," she said.

"Yea," said Shepard. "Well, Liara and I worked things out."

Kelly sighed. "I can't go back there, Shepard. I can't step foot on that ship again, and even if I did, I know I'd lose you anyway. I guess this is the way it's meant to be. You need a partner, someone who can be by your side and fight this war with you."

"I'm sorry, Kelly," said Shepard.

Kelly shook her head. "I'm not. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but being with you wasn't one of them. You were so good to me."

Shepard smiled. "And you were good to me, really good."

Kelly giggled. "Are you talking about the outfit, or that other thing?"

"I have to be honest with you, Kelly," said Shepard. "I never liked the outfit."

Kelly stepped away. "What? But it was an Asari…"

"I never liked those Asari dancer outfits," said Shepard. "Always thought they were ridiculous. I like their dresses, but as far as lingerie I'm all about human fashion. Does that make me racist?"

Kelly rolled her eyes and groaned. "No, but it makes you an idiot. God, Shepard, you aren't supposed to say things like that, just lie to me and tell me you loved it."

"Oh," said Shepard.

Kelly shook her head, sighing. "You are such a guy. Honestly, you're more of a man cliché than any man I've ever known."

"Hey!" said Shepard. "I… ok, yea, you're probably right."

"Of course I am," said Kelly. "Now, go on, you still have one foot left to stick in your mouth."

"I'll pass," said Shepard. "Because the other thing you were talking about? I liked that. I really, really, really, liked that."

Kelly smirked. "Of course you did. That's always been my strong point in a relationship. As a trained psychologist, I've learned how to meet needs. It took a little work, but I had a lot of fun figuring out your deepest desires."

"Not as much fun as I did," said Shepard.

"Oh, Shepard," said Kelly. "You…"

Shepard scratched her head. "I know. I've got a dirty mind. Lucky for me, it's not public knowledge."

Kelly reassured her. "Shepard, don't worry. That will always stay a secret between us."

Shepard nodded, then pressed her forehead against Kelly's.

"I shouldn't come here again," she said. "In a moment of weakness, I…"

Kelly closed her eyes. "I understand, it's best for both of us if we don't complicate our lives any further. You have a war to win, and I have people who need me here. But whatever happens, Shepard, know that I'm thinking of you, always."

They shook hands as friends and parted. Shepard turned her back to Kelly Chambers and walked away. Somehow she knew she'd never see her again.

The rest of the day blew by in a whirlwind. By the time she returned to the Normandy, she'd managed to warn Miranda about Kai Leng, talk a veteran out of doing something stupid, procure important Dark Energy research from the most unlikely person in the galaxy, hunt down a terrorist, put a stop to his activities, and somehow kept her head clear enough to bargain with him. Instead of pulling his arms off and beating him to death with the bloody stumps, she'd talked him into pledging the remainder of the Batarian fleet to the war effort. They'd be there for Earth.

That was a miracle, but her final action of the day was the most satisfying. Ash was back where she belonged, on the Normandy. It was going to complicate things a little bit, especially with Liara, but Shepard couldn't help herself. She couldn't' let Ash drift away again, couldn't risk losing her.

Garrus was less than pleased with Shepard for what had happened the previous day. He questioned her judgement. He felt that she should never have lowered her weapon and trusted Ashley to make the right decision. Tactically speaking, he was correct, but what he still didn't understand was importance of her faith in those closest to her, and not just blind faith, but faith that had been built by work.

Shepard had taken care of Ashley, mended the fences, and spent time with her. If she hadn't re-forged the bond, then no, she would never have lowered her weapon. She tried to explain it to Garrus, but he still had a ways to go. What happened on Omega had scarred him. He'd get there, eventually, but it would take time. Hopefully, they had enough of it left.

Garrus questioned the notion. "But what if she hadn't made the right call?"

"Then you would have put her down," said Shepard. "Don't tell me you weren't a hair trigger away from doing it. That's the thing, Garrus. I had faith in her to make the right call, but I also had faith in you to back me up if she didn't. That's the reward for surrounding yourself with and investing in the right people."

"It didn't work out so well for me," he replied.

"Only because you didn't have time or planning. Omega was a bootleg operation, and if you had to do it over again, it'd be different. You'd have more backing, go in with a few key known quantities, and so on," said Shepard.

"You make it sound so easy," said Garrus.

"I never claimed there was anything easy about it," said Shepard.

The Turian ended the conversation with a heavy sigh. Shepard would wait, and then follow up again soon. This was the work she talked about. With the foot soldier, it was always enough just to expect them to do exactly as you say, but with officers and squad members it was a constant mentoring process. You had to disseminate your methods so that they began to parrot and imitate you. The most important aspect of that, is that your crew would understand how to work together instinctively when lines of communication were difficult or impossible to maintain.

'We all do as we think we all would do,' was her battlefield mantra.

It worked, often to perfection. It was the only reason they were all still alive. They'd survived impossible situations and unexpected odds, from sneak attacks to suicide runs. They'd done it all, and Shepard believed, truly believed, they'd win again, and again, and they'd finish what no other cycle had ever been able to pull off. And if she faltered? Then one of her team would make her believe again.

Shepard stepped out of the shower and dressed. She had a few hours left and she planned to use them wisely. She called down to Liara's room.

"Shepard," came the reply.

Shepard's heart warmed at the sound of the Asari's voice.

"So, I've got a bottle of wine here, and a couple hours to spend with my best girl. Have you finished your little project?"

The reply was less than enthusiastic.

"Shepard, I'm so sorry, but I got caught up in something else," said Liara.

Shepard was crestfallen. "Liara, you promised!"

Liara retorted with an air of exasperation. "Shepard, there's a situation on Trident, an old underwater base that the Krogan built in secret. Wrex just gave me the access codes and schematics. The Reapers might not be aware of it, and moving people there is a sound strategy. They could hold out for years, perhaps a decade. I have to facilitate this and direct agents to the right authorities on Trident. It's difficult when you factor in the presence of indoctrinated officials. It will take me the better part of the night to get this moving forward."

"Liara, we never…"

Liara snapped. "What do you want me to do? Let thousands of people die so I can satisfy your sexual urges?"

"That was uncalled for," said Shepard.

"Shepard…"

She cut the com link and flopped into her chair.

"Dammit," she said.

The real bitch of the problem was that Liara was right. Shepard was angrier with herself than she was with Liara. What was she thinking? Trying to figure out a relationship in the middle of Armageddon wasn't one of the smartest plays she'd ever made. What she needed was to blow off steam and move on. That's how she'd always managed to be the soldier and officer that everyone expected. She kept her baggage light, and tossed it away when it slowed her down.

After she was through feeling sorry for herself, she spent an hour reading her correspondence. At least there was plenty to occupy her. She had to sign off on a settlement with the hotel. Shit, who knew hotel windows were so expensive? There was a note from Aria. She wanted to meet. It sounded ominous. There was also a mail marked 'Game Night' from her Com Specialist. This sounded much more intriguing. A night of chess was it? Shepard had a hunch there was more to it than that. She used her intercom to invite Traynor up.

Samantha Traynor strolled into Shepard's cabin a half an hour later. She started remarking on the space, as if it were some sort of surprise and she'd never seen it before. Shepard smiled. Did Traynor not even remember giving her Commander a tour of the re-fitted Normandy? Traynor moved around the room, eventually stopping to comment on the shower.

"An actual shower? The faucets in the women's bathroom are crap, by the way," she said.

Did she know how obvious she was being? Shepard let her swim in dead air.

Traynor tried to recover. "In any event… I thought you might be in the mood to play."

"Chess?" asked Shepard.

Traynor was in recovery mode. "I bought a board on the Citadel. GUI interface, not really as much fun as real pieces… but I hoped you might give me some pointers."

This was too easy. Shepard couldn't help but test the water.

She made an offer. "That's funny, I thought you'd be more interested in the shower."

Traynor bit. "I didn't realize that was an option."

Shepard moved in close to establish dominance. "It's an option."

Traynor fidgeted nervously. "Well… just give me a moment to grab my things…"

The Specialist hurried out of the room. Shepard wondered if she would lose her nerve on the way to her footlocker. Then again, she was making a move on her Commander despite knowing that Shepard was in a relationship with one of the most powerful and dangerous women in the galaxy. That took real chutzpah. Perhaps the Specialist had a little more play than Shepard gave her credit for.

Shepard took a seat in a chair. Just as she was about to write the woman off, the door opened and Traynor was back. She made her herself openly available, stripping her clothes off in front of Shepard before she even entered the bathroom. Shepard didn't bite. The Specialist was going to have to work harder than that. Still, it was another bold move, one that Shepard appreciated. If she was single, it'd be on already.

It wasn't long into the shower that Traynor started chattering again. "Hot water and room to stretch. I could get lost in here. Mmm… oh, it's like a weeks' worth of stress is washing off."

Shepard could sense it coming.

"And the timing is perfect. I was hoping to look nice for someone," she said.

'What are you doing, Joss? Are you going to throw it all away because your pride is hurt? Are you going to go back to being as unhappy as you used to be?' she asked herself.

Time slowed down. "Hot date lined up?"

"Hopefully more than just that. I play for keeps," said Traynor.

Shepard pumped the brakes. Traynor had chosen the exact wrong words. It made her think of Liara all over again.

"Sounds serious," said Shepard.

"I think that depends on whether she's interested," said Traynor.

Shepard thought about it. She'd never turned down an attractive woman in her entire life. Hell, she'd never turned down any woman, and now it was twice in one day, but she realized it wasn't enough anymore. She couldn't make another fake promise, not one more. There was only one thing that could make her happy and this wasn't it.

She decided to shoot Traynor down by playing dumb. "Well good luck, holler if you need anything."

Traynor flapped around the shower like a wet duck. "Oh, will do. Thanks again, Shepard!"

'Nice recovery,' thought Shepard.

At least there would be no storming out, no need for damage control.

Shepard made sure to assert her generosity so that Traynor would never know how close she was.

"No problem, take as long as you like," she said.

She eased back in her chair to portray confidence in her decision. There was no temptation. There never had been.

Traynor bought it. "And don't think this saves you from our chess match. Just give me a minute to dry my hair."

'Well played, Samantha. Recover and re-establish the friendship,' thought Shepard.

She had no doubt that Traynor was an excellent chess player. The best course of action was not only to lose the chess match, but lose badly and hope that Traynor didn't poke around the extranet after the fact. If she did, she'd find out that Shepard had one of the highest tactical simulation ratings in Alliance history. In fact, her tactical rating in Alliance Officer Training was only surpassed by a former General named Petrovsky.

Shepard sighed. Why had Petrovsky popped into her head? That usually wasn't a good sign. Whenever she thought of someone she hadn't considered in some time, the person was bound to show up in her life within the next week. It was strange how the human mind seemed nearly capable of precognition even though science had long since disproved the possibility. Yet, it still happened.

Life had foreshadowing. Anyone who'd ever lived through the impossible understood and accepted it as fact. Which meant, that the stage was set for Petrovsky to make an appearance. Considering the man had joined Cerberus some years earlier, this didn't bode well for Shepard.

Traynor produced the chess board and Shepard let the next hour play out the way she wanted. She was careful to disguise her play so that it looked amateurish. Judging by the satisfied look on Traynor's face when she finally left the cabin, Shepard had achieved her goal. She followed up by doing an interview with Diana Allers which presented nearly as much temptation as the situation with Traynor.

What the hell was going on? It seemed as if every one of her associates had decided to make a play for her today. Her only solace was that Ashley was as oblivious to Shepard as ever. She ran into Ashley on her way to engineering. It was brief, courteous, but the Lt. Commander was strictly duty focused. She was acclimating to her new situation, getting to know the new squad members, especially Vega.

Like clockwork, it was Vega who showed up next. The LT was growing on her, and thus a relationship that would normally have been without temptation proved to be at least a little bit intriguing. There was a part of her that was wildly attracted to the man, albeit a small part that centered on the bait he'd set out earlier that day.

When it was all said and done, she found herself alone in her cabin, well past her bedtime, but unable to sleep. She paced about, checked her correspondence again, and thought about disturbing Liara. No, no, it was best not to act too desperate. And so, late in the night, she found herself at the QEC, dialing up Anderson.

She got lucky and caught her former CO in a similar situation, on his sleep schedule, but unable to get a single wink.

He was nearly enthusiastic when she established contact.

"Shepard!" he said. "Anything new to report, Commander?"

"Just wanted to check in," said Shepard.

"Right," said Anderson. "Can't sleep either?"

"Hell no," said Shepard.

The old man laughed. "It's the perils of command. The whole galaxy is on our shoulders. Makes it hard for the mind to wind down."

"Next to impossible," said Shepard.

"Sometimes, the right person can make it better," said Anderson.

"Yea," said Shepard. "But that's always been a problem for me."

"I know," said Anderson. "That's why I guessed that command would suit you. Restless people like you and I need room to roam, and the only place that can really settle us is the deck of a ship that wanders an expanse. Ever notice that you sleep better when the Normandy is on the move?"

Now that Shepard thought about it, he was right. As soon as the Normandy docked, the insomnia seemed to set in, but when they were off to a destination she could always manage a few winks.

She nodded. "Yea, I think you're right."

Anderson mused. "I suppose it makes us feel less empty. I envy you right now. Being landlocked like I am, well, it makes it that much harder."

"This restless thing, is that why it didn't work out between you and Sanders?" asked Shepard.

Anderson chuckled. "It has something to do with it, along with other mistakes I made. Granted, I was never the run around that you are, Shepard. I'm not as pretty. Couldn't get away with it."

Shepard laughed. "Ah, come on, you're a handsome old dodger."

"That's not very convincing, Commander," said Anderson. "Back to your question, though, it was more than that, but Shepard, I regret it."

"That you didn't settle down?" she asked.

"A person needs roots," said Anderson. "Because eventually it all stops, and your career winds down, even reverses. That's when you need good soil, a place with sun and shade that will allow you to grow again when you're no longer moving."

"I'm not entirely sure I get the metaphor, Sir," she said.

He shook his head. "There's a lot I regret, Shepard, and it was catching up to me. Funny thing is, and this may sound strange, but this war? It was actually a reprieve. It gave me purpose again, and a chance to think about things. If I manage to live through this, you can bet I don't make the same mistake again, and neither should you, Commander. Find yourself some good soil and put roots in it. That's an order!"

"Yes, Sir," said Shepard.

She thought about Anderson, the situation he was in. Each time they talked could be the last. She wanted to be clear with him.

"Anderson," she said.

"Yes, Shepard," he answered.

She referenced something that happened many years ago. "You're the only one who really knows. You were there on Omega, you and Alenko."

"Shepard, that's ancient history. You're not that angry girl anymore," he said.

She nodded. "I know, but it's just… have I ever told you about my father?"

Anderson shook his head. "No, Shepard, and there's a reason I never asked."

"What was your father like?" asked Shepard.

"He was a decent man," said Anderson. "Though we never saw eye to eye, as is usually the case with fathers and sons."

"My father wasn't decent," said Shepard. "I used to make excuses because I loved him. He was dad, after all, but the truth was he was no damned good."

"Sorry about that, Shepard," said Anderson.

"That's why I brought up Omega, what happened there," said Shepard.

Anderson nodded. "I know, the thirst for vengeance is always strongest when someone takes away your chance to make it right."

He understood. Of course he did. Anderson always got her. Shepard felt grateful.

"You're a good man, and a good example," said Shepard. "Thank you."

Anderson shook his head, faked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and then yawned to sell it.

"We should at least try to get some shuteye. Don't get too soft on me, Commander, we've got a war to fight here," said Anderson.

"Aye, aye, Sir," said Shepard.

They saluted each other before cutting the link.

As Shepard turned and made her way out of the war room, she noticed that her com light was blinking. It was an official communication from the Shadow Broker to Commander Shepard. She sighed, frustrated. Liara must be really mad at her if she was going so far as to communicate through titles only. Her eyes were too tired to read the message on her Omni-tool, so she decided to take the elevator to her cabin.

As she approached the entrance to the CIC, she heard the crew conversing with Traynor. They were peppering her with questions. The guards at the security scanner announced her loudly, as they always did, and the crew chatter immediately evaporated. By the time Shepard passed Traynor, the Com Specialist was blushing.

Shepard smiled at Traynor as she walked on by, putting just the right touch of honey on her tone. She also made sure to address her by her first name.

"Samantha," she said.

Traynor looked as if she wanted to crawl under her station. Shepard smirked as the elevator doors closed. She imagined the CIC erupted as soon as the crew was sure she couldn't hear. Poor Traynor would spend the next few days trying to squash rumors. It served her right. If she was bold enough to try to seduce her CO, she had to be willing to deal with the fallout.

Shepard shook her head. Now it was her turn to deal with fallout. She looked at the display on her Omni-tool again. A message to Commander Shepard from the Shadow Broker. It was marked urgent. Shepard dreaded opening it.

She entered her cabin, approached the haptic display, and took a deep breath.

To Be Continued (True Blue Part II)