A/n - This is part 2, make sure you read part 1 first!
Coming Home - Chapter 35 - Part 2
Gifts
15th December 1977 - 5 Months, 26 days
"I don't think you understand just how much it's affecting him," pleaded James as he and Sirius followed Hermione up the corridor.
"Is this really the best way to do this? I mean I thought that we were going to help you with the flowers and then watch the romance unveil," added Sirius, as he did a fancy little hop and a skip to keep up with her.
"Exactly, now there are secrets, and Snape is somehow involved," grumbled James. "Why does he have to be a part of this mission. He hates Remus."
Hermione let out a large sigh, "No he doesn't-" she began before James interrupted her.
"Yes, he does! There was a bit of an incident last year if you didn't know-"
"I know." Both boys froze for a moment before regaining their composure and jogging to catch up with the witch who had kept on track.
"You know?" asked Sirius nervously.
"Yes, I know."
"He told you?" questioned James quietly this time and Hermione faltered for a moment.
"Yes," she replied quickly trying not to think about how she actually knew about this moment of history.
"And you're still talking to me?" she stopped at that moment, turning quickly to face the wizards trailing behind her, both stumbling slightly as they came to an abrupt stop and tried to not fall into her. She glared at them, her eyes narrowed with annoyance.
"Now, listen here. I do not agree with what you did. I do not think it was funny, or big or clever, Sirius Black. However, I do believe that if you hadn't been so blinded by your pettiness, that you would have never done it. If it hadn't been for James, then you would be the one suffering right now due to your own ignorance, and I think the thoughts alone of what could have happened are more than enough punishment for you without me adding my opinion in the mix." She turned her back on them with one quick swish, ending the conversation then and there, before continuing on her journey.
"Merlin, you're sexy when you're all fired up, Kitten. Any chance of you changing your mind on old Moony and trading him in for little old me?" shouted Sirius as once more he and James struggled to keep up with her.
Hermione laughed and threw him a look over her shoulder. "We both know I'm not who you are interested in at the moment," she said gleefully as the colour drained from Sirius' face.
James turned to Sirius, eyes wide and confused. "What's she talking about? Who? Why don't I know about this?" he asked eagerly.
"No one," replied Sirius, a little too hastily.
Hermione came to a stop and turned once more to face them. "Look, I am not enjoying this at all, I promise, but, well there is something I am trying to do and I can't afford any distractions. Remus is a distraction and this, this thing I'm working on is very very important to me," she ran a hand through her wild hair, the soft controlled curls that had been adorning her head at the beginning of the year having been lost months ago. "I promise the wait will be worth it, just make sure I have what we talked about in four days ok – please?" she looked at them with imploring eyes, unwilling to share more than she needed to, yet unable to prevent the guilty feeling from taking over a little as she looked at their sceptical expressions.
James was the first to speak. "Fine, but don't think we are happy about this. His moping is driving us mad, I hope you know that! If I end up like Padfoot's crazed mother, I will never forgive you," said James with finality.
"I should be insulted by that," said Sirius with a roll of his eyes, "come on Prongs," he added as he gestured for them to return in the direction they had come. James reluctantly agreed but not before he gestured to Hermione that he would be watching her, Hermione couldn't help a roll of her own eyes at the warning before giving Sirius a grateful smile.
"Oh Sirius," she called out and then gestured for him to come back towards her ignoring the suspicious look James was sending them as Hermione leant in a little closer to the Black Heir, "Just so you know," she whispered, "the interest is reciprocated."
17th December 1977 - 5 Months, 24 days
Severus and Hermione working in concentrated silence, the two of them working in perfect sync as they moved from task to task, chopping, stirring, adding, straining, dipping and grinding. The final stages simply a day away as the two worked neither one wanting to risk the chance of something going wrong this time. No explosions, no mishaps and certainly no trips to the hospital wing.
Severus added the final ingredient for that evening, stirred it three times anti clockwise before casting a stasis charm on the flame below in order to maintain the perfect temperature till the morning. They both didn't dare think about how close they were for fear of jinxing themselves, neither one superstitious, however, with their track record, it didn't hurt to be cautious.
They each returned to their own work as they prepared what they could for the following day, which luckily for them was the majority of the required ingredients, apart from a handful of mixed herbs that were prone to wilting and losing their potency. Hermione's heart did a little nervous flip every time she thought about what they were doing, not just the potion, but the whole setup really. She wasn't one for large romantic gestures, to be honest she didn't really have a romantic bone in her body, but there was something within her currently that urged her to embrace her hidden romantic side. It was as if there was something there in the back of her mind encouraging her to show Remus that she was besotted with him, that she was ready and prepared to accept whatever it was between them. Was she nervous? No. Terrified? Yes. The thought of it being too over the top was a constant worry, the thought that he would laugh at her impractical attempt to tell him all she wanted to. Was if far-fetched and over the top? Of course. Would it make many a housewife and schoolgirl giggle and coo with excitement? More than likely, but then again, Remus was a wizard, not a witch, and maybe she was overthinking this and trying to make it too big and large a thing.
"Stop thinking," snapped Severus, and he stormed over towards her and snatched the mortar and pestle away from her hands. "Look what you've done, you –" he groaned as he walked away as he vanished her efforts, "that was our last batch of cress we had," he finished with an irritated sigh.
"Sorry," she offered quietly, though knowing it wouldn't appease his current frustration. "I'll go pick up some more from the kitchens," she offered but stopped when Severus shook his head negative.
"There's no point. We'll just get some tomorrow after breakfast, no need to ruin another perfectly good batch with your head up in the clouds."
"I didn't mean to get distracted," she offered and the wizard sighed again.
"You never do," he said with a huff, "Whatever it is going on in that silly head of yours, stop worrying about it. I'm not going to tell you again that it will be fine, because frankly I'm getting annoyed of my own voice."
"Really?" she asked with disbelief and smiled when her friend shot her a glare.
"There is one day left," was all he said and she agreed.
"One day."
19th December 1977 - 5 Months, 22 days
Remus stood on the spiralling staircase as it brought him towards the headmaster's office, his heart was in his throat due to nerves, it had been a long while since he had been called up to speak with the man himself and that memory was still fresh in his mind. He didn't quite feel as terrified as he did when he had been called to discuss the rather traumatic incident last year with Snape, but the nerves were still there and still strong.
His mind was racing over the past month, all the things that he had and hadn't done, anything it possibly could have done to warrant for such a meeting, but every avenue fell short. Moony had been very well behaved, scarily so, no uncontrollable urges, no frantic searching, no constant state of arousal, the whole ordeal had had Remus on tenterhooks, not daring to do anything that would even dare destroy the strange peace. To be honest almost everyone had been on their best behaviour, there had been one or maybe two incidents with James and Sirius, but nothing large enough or dangerous enough to warrant for anything more than a detention. If he was completely truthful with himself the lack of interacting and usual disruption from all areas of his social circle made him feel quite low and lonely. Not only did he have Hermione barely uttering more words to him than necessary, James and Sirius were forever off whispering away in the far corners of the common room or off doing whatever it was they were doing. He was all too aware that Peter had quite obviously been given instructions to keep Remus busy or occupied.
His morale was already low enough with the notion that the moon this month would fall on Christmas, hindering his chance to go home for a normal celebration, there were very few staying his year and he was sure it was going to be one of his loneliest yet.
The staircase came to a firm stop and Remus stepped out into the office he had always been enamoured with, casting a quick look at the trinkets and artefacts littering the room. He felt like a child in a sweet shop every time his glanced around, his fingers itching to grasp and look and question what things were, what they did.
"Mr. Lupin," came that familiar gentle voice from the other side of the office, drawing Remus' attention away from his daydreaming.
"Professor Dumbledore," he replied as he walked closer towards the wizard sat at his desk and smiled at the friendly face gleaming back at him. His eyes were drawn for a moment to a large goblet sitting in the centre of his desk looking rather ominous with blue smoke escaping from the top.
Remus shifted uncomfortably under the Headmaster's twinkling gaze. "Indeed, do not look so alarmed, you have done nothing wrong," he said with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling in the corners with mirth.
Remus nodded and brought his hands up behind his back, clutching them together in hopes he could stop fidgeting, his eyes caught the sight of the goblet once more and what looked to be a small clutch of flowers sat beside it. "Ah, I see that this has caught your attention," said Dumbledore as he waved a hand gracefully towards the shining chalice.
"What is it?" he asked as his curiosity grew more and more when a bubble angrily popped at the surface disrupting the blue smoke billowing from it and Remus grimaced at the wet sloppy sound it made.
"This, my dear boy, could be the answer to your future, I believe," replied Dumbledore, his smile never faltering and unnerving Remus a little.
Remus frowned. "Am I supposed to drink it?" he asked cautiously, "I'm . . . Sir I don't know what it is."
Dumbledore's expression softened and he looked at Remus understandably. "I know. However I am under strict instructions not to tell you what it is, or what it will do. I am well aware of how strange and unnerving this ordeal is, but I can assure you I would never give you anything if I had any doubt that it would cause you any discomfort or danger."
Remus said nothing as his line of sight focused on little but the potion that he now knew was waiting for him; he was hesitant and unnerved. It wasn't often someone was told that a potion was for them to drink, but they were unable to know what it was or what it would do. He didn't like it. Everything in his mind was screaming at him to say no, not to allow the pretty smoking drink anywhere near his lips.
His uncertainty was obviously clearly displayed on his face when Dumbledore next spoke. "Have I ever given you reason to not trust me?" he asked and Remus thought back over the years, over the opportunity the wizard had gifted Remus with and the support he had provided the previous year. No, he thought to himself, No you haven't. Unable to say the words he shook his head.
"Then please drink it, I believe that you will find its effects quite remarkable," he smiled at Remus with that knowing gleam in his eyes and despite his still residing nerves, he reached out and brought the goblet to his lips. "I have been informed that doesn't have the most pleasant of tastes," added Dumbledore as Remus took his first sip.
The potion had barely coated his tongue before he retched and quickly placed the cup back down on the table as he heaved "That - that is awful!" he exclaimed, his eyes streaming from the force of gagging "I... I can't drink that."
"You must, just hold your nose. I hear that can help," Remus for the first time in his life found himself wanting to throw something at the old wizard. 'Hold your nose' he muttered under breath 'You blood try drinking it' he continued, but despite his annoyance he reached out and gathered the potion once more and stared into it with despair.
"Is there nothing we can put in it to make it taste better," he asked hopefully, eyes wide and pleading, "Sugar, honey, anything to make it more bearable?"
"Afraid not Mr Lupin, I have word that sugar makes in ineffective and anything else would simply render it useless. You will just have to take it as it comes."
Remus took a deep breath and braced himself for the abuse his mouth was about to receive. He reached up and pinched his nose in hopes that it would help and drank the rancid liquid as quickly as he could, hoping that the speed would prevent him tasting it quite as much. I didn't work, neither things worked and he retched and heaved as soon as the last mouthful went down his throat.
He looked up and met the old Professor's eyes twinkling away with more excitement than should have been necessary. "I believe it gets better each time, you'll get used to it," he said and Remus looked at him with wide eyes.
"Get used to it?" he asked with a squeak, "I have to take it again?"
"Indeed. Seven days."
"Seven." repeated Remus, the despair at the thought alone clearly sounding in his voice.
"It will be worth it, Mr. Lupin," reassured Professor Dumbledore, "Same time tomorrow if you would," he said with a smile.
Remus didn't say anymore and turned to leave, "Oh Mr. Lupin, Don't forget this."
Remus turned around back to face the wizard who was now holding out a small purple flower between his finger and thumb with a small piece of parchment tied neatly to its stem. Remus reached out and took it with a frown.
"A beautiful flower, the Iris," said Dumbledore as Remus fingered the parchment and turned it over.
"Just to say," he said allowed as he reach over the words written before him. "That doesn't make sense."
"I'm sure it will in time, my dear boy. Now till tomorrow," and with the Remus left the office with a look of confusion on his face and flower still clasped gently between his fingers.
20th December 1977 - 5 Months, 21 days
Hermione and Severus sat in the stands of the Quidditch pitch, the wizard had managed to drag her out of her hovel of a room in her great attempt to retreat and hide as she had been doing for the past weeks. It was bitterly cold and had begun to snow once more, settling around them as a charm or two kept them comfortably warm.
"See? Fresh air is rather pleasant," said Severus smugly when Hermione smiled at the sight of the dancing snowflakes settling around them.
"You're hilarious, you know that?" she replied with a twitch of her lips.
"It's not often that word is used to describe myself but I guess there is always a first," he retorted with a slight smile of his own. "Are you sure you're going to be fine staying here over the Christmas break on your own?" he asked, changing the subject.
"I'll be fine. I need to be here. I need to know if the potion works and let's be honest, where else would I go?" she asked him as she cast another warming spell when a particularly strong breeze penetrated their current ones.
"I would say you could stay at mine, but, well that certainly would not be the best of ideas. However if you wanted, I could stay," he suggested and Hermione smiled fondly at him.
"You don't have to do that, you know that."
"It's not as if I am actually excited about going back, I would rather stay, but I have to check in to see if the man has managed to stay in one piece at least," he said with a shrug. As much as Hermione knew he disliked his own father, he also knew his mother had loved him unconditionally despite all the horror he had put her through, and due to that small fact, Severus would go back and be there for his mother - not for the man who wore the title of father.
"I appreciate it, I really do, but I will be fine. That reminds me. Make sure I give you your gift before you leave -"
"You have gotten me a gift?" Severus asked with alarm, "You didn't - "
"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to," she interrupted.
"But I can't aff-"
"Hush you. I didn't get you something to get something in return. It's nothing big ok, so don't worry," she reassured him and he rolled his eyes in annoyance.
They enjoyed the view in silence for a while watching as the snow thickened as it landed around them, both admiring the picturesque scene it was creating. "You do know that this whole thing is rather over the top, don't you?" Severus asked.
Hermione nodded. "Yep, but well... what do I have to lose?" she asked.
"Your dignity," Severus suggested.
"Git."
"What about your-"
"Nightmares," finished Hermione, "I'm sure I will be fine, lots of charms and I'll be fine for a few days... I'm sure," she assured him with a smile.
22nd December 1977 - 5 Months, 19 days
Remus walked into his room and flopped gracelessly down on to his bed, closing his eyes and tried to not think about the way his stomach rolled at the remaining taste of the potion on his tongue. So far he didn't feel any different, he couldn't see any different and surely after his fourth dose of the mystery potion he would be seeing something or feeling something by now. Taking the vile substance certainly did not get any easier despite the Headmaster's words and he was far too worried to have anything to take the taste away for a while afterwards, in case it affected the effectiveness of the potion, so he would lay on his bed still as could be in hopes that it didn't find its way back up.
He enjoyed the quiet of the room, knowing too well that the peace he was experiencing would be short lived when the others would storm up in a whirl of excitement, for some reason they seemed to be rather interested in the collection of flowers he was gathering and trying to figure out their significance. So far they had hinted that maybe Dumbledore had more than a soft spot for him, Remus hadn't been impressed at that notion. They had suggested that perhaps they were the ingredients to the potion and a challenge for Remus to figure out what it was he was drinking every day. He had almost bought that one, until he realised that two of the three were highly unstable when combined together. He couldn't even remember the rest of the ridiculous ideas they had, because that is exactly what they were – ridiculous. He decided not to overthink them and just lay them on his bedside table under a statis, after all the assortment were rather pretty. The part that confused him the most about them was the notes attached neatly at the steams, they didn't make any more sense than the flowers themselves.
Right now all he wanted to do was go down stairs to where Hermione was sitting with Lily and Mary, by the fireplace and curl up with his head in her lap. He had been over the moon when he realised that she would be staying for the Christmas holidays. He had grown used to her avoiding him over the month but it didn't make it any more bearable and despite Moony being seemingly fine with the series of events, he was not. He felt ridiculous being this worked up about a witch, and he found himself wanting to blame the mate connection but he couldn't. If it was that then Moony would be far more present. No, this was simply him, on his own, being a ridiculously love sick puppy.
The sound of the door opening brought him out of his wallowing thoughts for a moment, "Feel any different this time?" asked Peter as he followed James and Sirius in.
"Nope."
"Oh, is that a new one?" asked Sirius excitedly and Remus held up the hand still holding the flower for him to come and inspect. "Snapdragon," he said thoughtfully as the plucked the flower from Remus grasp.
"Bit of a strange mix isn't it really," said James as he wandered over towards the other flowers, "and what the hell do all these notes mean, they don't make any sense. What was todays one?" he called out to Sirius.
"Another 'that'," he replied as he handed back the flower to Remus, who took it protectively.
"What does that even mean?" asked James throwing his arms up in the air rather dramatically.
"Maybe it's an anagram?" suggested Peter.
"Look at Wormtail, here, using big words. I'm so proud," cooed Sirius teasingly.
"Shut up, you knob," retorted Peter and his cheeks reddened.
"I'm not in the mood for this," interrupted Remus, "I'm going to walk, hopefully the fresh air will help the battle my stomach is having with itself," he said as he heaved himself up and grabbed his cloak, "have fun with your guessing," he said over his shoulder.
"Make sure you're back to say goodbye to the girls later, remember they're heading off for the holidays today," called out James as Remus opened the door, he gave a quick nod before disappearing through.
"You don't think she's trying to poison him, do you?" asked Peter once they knew Remus wasn't within earshot. "Ouch!" cried Peter when Sirius clipped him around the back of the head.
"What a stupid thing to say," he said with a scowl.
"Dumbledore wouldn't let him touch it if he didn't know what it was," reassured James, "we just have to sit here and wait and see."
"What I'm asking of you is not difficult to comprehend, surely," growled Severus as he and Black stood just out of the way from the gathering students and prying eyes.
"Shut up, and just give them to me," snapped Black back as he held his hand out before him, irritated and frustrated, "this is wrong."
"It may be a little unethical –"
"Unethical! You want me to drug her!"
"I want her to be able to get some rest and not wake up terrified," he growled defensively, and cursed himself for so blatantly showing his concern, when he noticed Blacks features soften in understanding.
"Sorry," said Black quietly, and Severus' eyes snapped wide open in shock. "Just given them to me and tell me what to do."
Severus gave a short nod. "You're here until Christmas day, aren't you?"
"How?" began Black and Severus silenced him quickly.
"That is not of importance, just make sure she has the dreamless sleep tonight and Christmas Eve. The other is a calming draught, should you wake to hear her tomorrow."
"Why not just give her dreamless every night?" Severus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Because," he began, "if you remembered, the stuff is highly addictive. That and she has mentioned before that it doesn't really work all that well for her, so it's a long shot really," his frustration had ebbed away, somewhat as his concern for Hermione once again came to the surface.
He reached into his pocket and retrieved the vials he had been hiding away and passed them to Black, his heart stilling for a moment when their fingers lingered on one another just a fraction too long. This was not the time or place to let his silly little infatuation get away from him, and so he quickly tried to snap back his hand from where it was still held between the two. Only to falter when Blacks other hand reached up and grabbed it.
He looked up to meet the other wizards eye and had he not been already rather confused by the act he would be sure to have blushed at the intensity staring back at him.
"Black?" he questioned with a frown as he tried to hide the thrill he was feeling from the contact.
"Sorry," he said quietly, his eyes never tearing away from Severus.
"For?" asked Severus confused.
He watched as Black cast his eyes down towards the ground before raising it once more and looking him straight in the eye with an expression full of remorse and determination.
"For last year. I've never said that I was sorry for it, and I am," he finished as he shuffled uncomfortably on the spot, before pulling Severus closer with the hand he still held, their bodies still centimetres apart but Severus could clearly feel the heat radiating off the other man. "I'll be discreet," he said as he lifted the vials up, but for some reason Severus felt as if there was another meaning to the words spoken. His thoughts were confirmed when the other wizard leant forward slightly and brushed his lips ever so lightly across his cheek. So light in fact that he would have almost believed the kiss had never happened if it hadn't been for the ghosting feeling still residing there, as Black pulled back and left with a satisfied smirk.
Sirius stood in front of Hermione's room warm tea in hand, and empty vial resting in his pocket, his heart was racing ever so slightly at the prospect of being caught and he hoped that the obscene amount of sugar he had piled into it would distract from the bitterness he knew the potion would provide.
He straightened himself up, put on his best smile, and knocked loudly on where he knew the door behind the tapestry resided, and waited until Hermione opened up the door in a flurry of oversized pyjamas and a mass of wild hair.
"Hi," he said cheerfully, raising his free hand up and giving a quick awkward wave.
"Hello," she replied, her brow creased with confusion.
"I bought you some tea, though you might like some," he said quickly and thrusted the cup towards her like a small child who had achieved their first cup for a parent.
She spared it a curious look before reaching out and accepting the beverage cautiously, "What is it?" she asked as she eyed the liquid.
"Tea."
"And you're bringing me tea, why?"
"Can a fellow not do nice things for the lady who lives across the hall?! For shame... you and your questioning," Sirius exclaimed with a flurry of arms in the air.
Hermione didn't say anything during his over the top display and merely placed a hand on her hip and scowled at him. "Now I know you are up to something," she said suspiciously. "So what is it then? What does it do?"
Sirius smiled warmly at her and shook his head. "Nothing, I know you're on your own tonight and I was just checking up on you," it wasn't a complete lie and the statement had earned himself a warm smile from the witch.
"Well, in that case, thank you," she replied and Sirius watch eagerly as she brought the mug up to her lips and took a long swig, pulling a face not-quite-of-disgust as she swallowed down the mouthful. "Well that's, erm, very sweet," she grimaced and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief when that was all she commented on, the bitterness of the potion had been disguised well enough. "How much sugar did you put in this?" she asked as she politely took another sip and Sirius was proud at how little she shuddered this time. She was far too polite for her own good, at times.
He hesitated for a moment and thought back to when he was at the kitchens. "Five, I think. Or maybe it was six," he finished with a careless shrug and tried his hardest not to laugh at the way her eyes widened.
"Well, it's safe to say that you would have been banned from tea duty in my house. My mum and dad would have certainly not been impressed," she replied, a sad smile on her lips and she shared that small morsel of information with him. "They were dentists," she added when she had obviously noticed his confused expression
"Teeth healers, isn't that?" he asked as he pointed towards his own pearly whites, as Hermione smiled, agreed, and took another sip of her tea.
"This really is vile," she said lifting the mug and motioning towards it.
Sirius laughed. "Yeah, I'm not very good at it."
"You not good at something? Shock. Horror," she joked.
"You don't have to drink it you know," he said, though of course he didn't mean it at all, but she had had enough that it should at least has a small effect on her.
She smiled kindly at him. "Of course I do, it was a lovely gesture, it would be rude not to. But just in case you have an urge to do it again in future, please don't," she said Sirius laughed loudly.
"Sure thing, well I best be off now. Night, Kitten."
Hermione rolled her eyes fondly at him "Night, Pup," she retorted.
James and Sirius lay quietly side by side on James bed as they whispered to one another, casting quick glances towards the others in the room, Peter as always was as near to a comatose state as could be, whilst Remus tossed and turned in a fitful sleep.
Their eyes settled on the flowers by the side of his head and both were overwhelmed with frustration. "How, how can he be that smart and not have figured it out yet?" hissed Sirius.
"Haven't a clue. I mean even our hints and constant badgering about it doesn't seem to have spiked an interest in them," whispered James back.
Both fell back into comfortable silence as they aimlessly stared up at the canopy above them. "I've never seen him this low," murmured Sirius as he cast a glance towards their friend.
"Do you think we've made the right choice?" asked James.
"I hope so," replied Sirius with a sad smile. Their conversation was short lived when both turned towards the door when a sound they hadn't heard for some time startled them.
"Is that?" asked James, not needing to say any more than that when Sirius confirm with a nod. "Should we?" he continued before stopping when Sirius shook his head.
"Just cast a silence charm around Remus, can't risk that wolf hearing picking up on it," James lazily flicked his wand in the direction of where Remus lay sleeping and hoped alongside Sirius that it had done the job. Both turned their gaze back towards the door their hearts clenching as the sound of sobs filled the air.
"Didn't work, then," said James, wordlessly referring to the dreamless sleep Sirius had attempted giving Hermione earlier on.
"Doesn't look like it," replied Sirius sadly.
"Should I?"
"Yeah," answered Sirius and James quietly slid off the bed and towards the door, opening it just enough to wave his wand and cast another silencing charm on Hermione's room, the sound of her tears drifting away and engulfed by a blanket of stillness.
24th December 1977 - 5 Months, 17 days
The second night was far worse than the previous and Sirius was glad that it had been him to walk past Hermione's room at that moment in time when her shrill cries filled the deadly silent corridor. He had stayed up and given a number of excuses as the hours ticked by, anything from their plans to have a good run through the woods the following night, to a mutual decision to hold off on exchanging gifts, which everyone seemed to be in favour of. He'd made a mental note to discuss it with Hermione as a method of distracting her, should he need it, and slowly, one by one, Peter, Remus and James made their way up to bed, James being the only one who knew why he loitered.
He could hear the heavy and loud sobs making their way through her silencing charms - far louder and far more distraught than they had been the other night and without another thought he threw up his own around his room and another around hers, in hopes that the others weren't woken by it. As he did so the heart-breaking sounds ebbed away to nothing more than a muffle and he sat down on the ground just outside, in case she should wake.
He hadn't been sat there long when sounds stopped and a short while later the door creaked open to reveal a puffy eyed Hermione casting a quick glance around and stepping out in order to retreat to where he assumed was the common room to calm down. He hadn't thought she would be armed and dangerous though, when he called out hello to her and startled her into firing a spell in his general direction, luckily it had missed him.
"Bloody hell, Kitten," he gasped as he shot a glance at the new scorch mark decorating the wall.
"Sirius?" she asked with a grateful gasp, before she sought him out in record time and planted herself next to him, nestling into his side without a second thought.
Sirius didn't hesitate as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer into his side, planting a kiss upon her head. "Yeah, it's me," he whispered as he heard her breathe a sigh of relief and released a shuddering sob. He held her tightly against him as he reached into his pocket and withdrew the potions that Severus had given him. "Hey, drink this," he encouraged as he passed it to her. "Calming draught," he explained when she struggled to make out what it was in the dim light of the hall way.
He felt her nod against his chest before pulling back slightly to drink the vial's contents, sighing in relief as it took instant effect. "Severus?" she asked and Sirius smiled into her hair.
"Yeah. Guess he's not such a git after all," he mumbled gently and was rewarded with a light laugh from the witch in his arms. "Come on, back to bed with you," he encouraged and Hermione gingerly stood as he followed. "My arse was getting numb down there," he stated and smiled brighter when she laughed once more.
He got up with her and followed her towards the door, waiting for her to whisper her passwords and holding the door open as it creaked open for her. "Night Kitten," he said as he captured her hand in his and brought it to his lips for a quick kiss. He frowned when he noticed her cast a quick and nervous glance towards her darkened room, hesitant to release his hand and to go in.
"Kitten?" he asked concerned, and wait patiently, whilst she seemed to struggle to find the words she was looking for.
"Would you - I mean, I feel like an idiot asking you, but –"
He smiled and pulled her into an embrace ignoring the heavy weight of the door as it fell back on to him. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked into her hair and tightened his grasp on her when he felt her head nod. "Ok," he replied without hesitation and lead her into the room.
The two settled themselves beneath the bedsheets and Hermione wriggled over towards Sirius, moulding herself against him. He cast around for something to help distract her enough to help her return to sleep.
"Make yourself comfortable, why don't you?" joked Sirius.
"Severus holds me," she retorted, and he knew she had done so on purpose, as he wrapped his own arms around her tightly.
"Anything that git can do, I can do better," he replied, gaining a mouthful of hair as he did so, "How on earth does he put up with this?" he asked with a chuckled as he smoothed her wild mane away.
"He moans just like you do," she said with a sleepy yawn.
"Great, something we have in common," he grumbled. Remembering his plan to distract her from earlier, he continued, "on another note: the guys and I decided we'll be holding off on exchanging presents until day after tomorrow, just so you know."
"What with the moon and all, it makes sense. I was wondering how best to handle it," Hermione hummed into his side. He could tell she was settling back down, as her words became slightly slurred the longer she fought off her sleep to talk.
"Yeah, I figured you should know so you can hold off whatever presents you've decided to gift me with, being that I've definitely earned some with all this help I've been lending," He couldn't help his smirk, though he knew she'd never see it in the dark.
"Hmm... so you going to kiss him anytime soon again?" she asked him, barely managing to get the whole thing out as she fought off her sleep, and Sirius froze completely, unsure as to what to say or what to do at the abrupt change in topic. He hadn't thought Severus would say anything.
But then her breathing evened out, so he chose to ignore it. "Night Hermione," he said stiffly, and couldn't help but roll his eyes when she laughed into his chest with her own goodnight.
25th December 1977 - 5 months, 16 days
So the whole month had been awful. No other words for it other than that. From start to finish it had been, in Remus' mind, horrendous. From Hermione ignoring him, to his friends vanishing and being secretive, to the rancid potion he had been consuming all week. However this morning, and in fact the whole day, had been the worst of the lot.
From the moment Sirius had tried to sneak in late that morning reeking of Hermione's scent, he had been livid. So livid, in fact, that even Moony came to the forefront of his mind and silently joined in on his silent rage. She had barely uttered a word to him for weeks, yet she had obviously happily spent the evening with Sirius that night, and his friend was obviously trying to hide the fact that he had been out all night. Both man and wolf were not pleased and in his own anger, Remus had yet to notice that despite Moony's clearly angry mood, he had not come forth and taken over Remus mind. No the only thing that he was focused on was the smell of his mate radiating off Sirius throughout breakfast, the wizard barely having the time to brush his teeth and throw on clean robes before breakfast ended due to his late waking.
Remus had controlled himself as much as he could and thanked Merlin that it was the holidays, escaping his friends company as soon as he could to hide in a deep far corner of the castle in attempt to calm his rage. It hadn't helped, at all, and for once Remus was looking forward to the moon, looking forward to allowed Moony to express his upset.
Any other time his mind may have seen some understanding behind it, asked his friend to explain to him, because there would be a logical explanation. But not today. A month of next to no contact with his mate, and the secrets his friends were keeping, on Christmas no less, there was no room for logic this day.
So here he was, now having just consumed his last dosage of his potion, and storming down with a speed that would be considered inhuman, towards the Whomping Willow with an hour to the moon, the rancid taste lingering on his tongue only angering him more. Another ridiculously pointless flower grasped tightly in his hand.
"Where've you been today?" asked James as Remus flung the door open, dropped the flower carelessly on to the floor and began to rip at his clothes in a hurry, dropping his cloak and t-shirt messily on to the floor. "Mate, you ok?" asked James cautiously.
"Fine," he growled, his voice already low and wolf like.
"You don't seem fine," added Peter safely from the far side of the room as both he and Sirius shared a worried look with James.
"I agree," added Sirius, and that seem to be all that it took for Remus to finally snap and lose any control he had over himself, as he threw the trainer he had currently been untying towards Sirius, growling as he did so and startling both Sirius and Peter.
"What the fuck?!" cried out Sirius eyes wide with shock.
"What the hell, Remus?" called out James just as alarmed as the others, before suddenly running over towards the wolf and grabbing him by the arms, as Remus attempted to make his way over towards Sirius.
"You! You just can't stay the fuck away can you!?" he shouted out, spit flying from his mouth as he snarled aggressively.
Sirius jumped backwards, stumbling into the wall as he did so. "What - what the hell have I done now?" he asked, casting a quick and pleading look towards the others in hope that they may be able to shed some light on the situation.
"You had to spend the night with her! And on fucking Christmas? Why? Anyone! Anyone but her, Sirius!" he bellowed, tears of anger now springing to his eyes, embarrassment merging with his rage.
"You are a fucking idiot, you know that?" snapped Sirius and scoffed at Remus when the man yet again growled. "She had a nightmare, you twat."
Remus heart skipped a beat at that fact, his heart clenching in pain to know that she had suffered again, and that he hadn't been the one to calm her. "Why didn't you come get me?" he asked, the venom dissipating from his voice somewhat.
"Because it would have ruined everything," answered Sirius calmly, as he walked over and picked up the crumpled flower, a four leafed clover, from the ground.
"What?" asked Remus, all other emotion now vanishing and replaced only by confusion. Sensing this somewhat calmer state, and just as confused by it, James released his grasp.
"These," he said holding up the clover for him to see, "have you actually taken the time to really look at these?" he asked storming over towards his bag pulling a book viciously out of it and thrusting it at Remus.
"Use that fucking brain of yours, sometimes," he said, his own voice sounding almost as angry as Remus had not long ago.
Remus looked down at the book, it was one he had seen a number of times, one that sat on Sirius' shelf of their bookcase, one of the pureblood ones that he would often scoff at when his mother had sent them. One that Remus noticed Sirius had actually spent some time idly flipping through lately. Or rather, he thought it had been idle flipping.
His eye darted towards the clover, to the book, to Sirius. "But why would Dumbledore…." He paused as James and Sirius shot him a look that questioned his intelligence. "Does this have anything to do with how much time you two have been spending with Hermione?" he asked and he felt sick when all three of them nodded in agreement.
"And what about the potion? Were those hers as well, or were those from Dumbledore?" his mind was working a mile a minute, while he kept a wary eye on the window.
"Those were her as well, though she seemed to already have them," James supplied helpfully. It still didn't explain how she'd known so much about which flowers to pick. He turned to Sirius, confused.
"Did you?" he asked hopefully and was rewarded with a smile from Sirius.
"Course, I did, " he replied, turning to his bag again and pulling out the six other blumes.
He accepted them greedily and ran towards the bed spreading them out in the order he knew he had received them and rushed through the book, in hopes that he could figure out her message before the moon rose.
An Iris, a Salvia, a purple Hyacinth, a Snapdragon, a white Camellia, a red Carnation and last, but not least, the clover. He lay their parchments neatly next to them the same way. The first said 'Just to say, followed by five 'that's' and one 'and that I want you to be'.
He grasped for Sirius' bag and rooted around until he found a piece of clean parchment and quill, and quickly scribbled down his findings.
The quill fell from his fingers when he wrote the last word.
He took a moment to drink in what was before him, casting an even quicker glance towards the window where the sky was darkening quickly and his moments of coherency were dwindling down.
Rereading what the message was saying to him over and over, he felt his heart swelling with excitement and joy.
A message just to say, that I'm thinking of you. That I'm sorry, and please forgive me. That I admire your strength. That you are lovely and I adore you. That my heart aches for you and that I want you to be mine.
"You-" he began before Sirius cut him off.
"Helped, yes," he said proudly.
"You couldn't have just told her to tell me the normal way? And the message is….you know….but why did it have to come with such horrendous potion on top? What's it got to do with all of this?" he asked with a laugh, his voice soft and gentle, filled with fondness at the effort they had all gone through, for him.
"And where would the romance be in that, potion notwithstanding?" asked James, with his own proud smile.
Before Remus had a moment to process anything more, the familiar skin ripping feeling was riddling his body. Despite his new-found knowledge and happiness, it did nothing to ease or quell the pain rolling over him. He watched as his friends shifted, hands changed, as nails became claws, and trousers fell away, shredded off his body at least, but hidden neatly by their transformation.
As always, he didn't know how long it had taken, how long he had been screaming for, but when the pain ebbed away there was one thing he was very very aware of. He lay frozen on the floor in the same spot he had fallen when the pain took over and cast a glance towards the three animals standing before him. Clear as day he could see them looking at him with extremely human expressions, looking at him with wide eyes.
He cast a glance down himself. Yes, he was a wolf still, he could see the fur, see the paws, see his tail as he glanced behind him. But there was one detail that he was very very much aware of. He was still himself. His mind was still his, there was no Moony, no blankness. He was still himself.