Author's Note: This is my VERY belated New Year/Valentine's gift. While I like this chapter, it's rather un-original. Oh well, it's up and I warn you this is a mature chapter. Not to detailed, but through the process of "it" Ness has a lot of thoughts to straighten out.
"One night of magic rush, the start a simple touch, one night to push and scream, and then relief..."
Chapter 35 -Swelter-
Strolling through a gas station convenience store, Jacob was on the prowl for a drink to quench his thirst. He peered through the wall of glass doors until he found an appealing sport drink. Opening the fridge, he snatched the bottle and headed toward the register. As he sauntered through the aisles, he spotted a claw crane game. The mechanics inside were most likely eroded and rusted out but it was worth a shot. He stepped closer, examining his competition. The contraption must have been decades old, but inside was dozens of brand new stuffed animals. He peered through the Plexiglas, scoping out his options. He spotted a stuffed wolf, which reminded him of Sarai. When she cried, she howled. It was the most heart breaking noise a father could hear. The last time he saw her, she had giant tears streaming down her cheeks. Although he wanted to comfort her, he had to leave. School awaited.
Jacob took out a dollar from his wallet and played the claw machine. Seven minutes and four dollars later, the claw hooked the wolf.
It's amazing what can happen with a little patience. Of course as he pondered this, he thought of Renesmee. One day his patience with her would pay off. In some measure, he hoped all the would be worth it.
Holding the lever on the gas pump, he waiting until the tank was full. He gawked at the stuffed wolf in the passenger seat fondling his emotions. The young man was weary from his extracurricular activities. He had school, schoolwork, work and soon, he'll have regular football practice as well as games. Along with that, there was his Kai-Kai. He missed his daughter a great deal, and his heart always yearned for the young woman he felt was his soul mate. Along with everything else, he was growing tired of her head games. Whether she knew it or not, she manipulated him. And if he thought about it long enough, it hurt his feelings.
He had submerged himself in stupid expectations and had been relying on a hopeless hope. His thoughts were distorted three hundred and sixty degrees from when he was inside with the claw machine. She'll never want me. Patience is a waste of time and energy.
The confidence he had that Renesmee would official commit, was wearing thin. Even though they've been best friends for five years and continued to enjoy one another's company, nothing was becoming of it. It confused Jacob, because on top of that, they had made a beautiful daughter together. Waiting for her to take the next step was taking longer than he expected.
Subconsciously, they were committed each other to one another. Why couldn't they just commit officially?
Jake was capping the gas tank off, brooding over his "friendship." He needed assurance that the relationship he shared with Ness was more than a friendship. All he wanted was some sort of assurance that their friendship was more than just friendship.
His cell rang from inside his jean pocket. He retrieved the phone and read the caller i.d. When he saw the name, his optimism returned. He and Renesmee were so much more than just friends.
With a grin, he answered, "Hello?"
Ness adjust herself on the small loveseat and folded her legs beneath her. Her response was immediate. "Hey. What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm about to head into work."
"Ahh-" she playfully whined monitoring Sarah Kai's behavior.
The little one was positioned across the room in her own seat. The seat enabled Sarai to sit comfortably by herself without Ness having to fear that she might fall over. Truthfully, she sat by herself pretty well but -before she called Jacob- Ness was attempting to concentrate on her homework from math course. Her summer course was only seven weeks long, so there was no room for doddling, or failing.
She thought over buying a desk before retorting to Jacob, "Sarai misses you."
Apart of Ness cracked as she recited that short statement. This time around it had been two weeks. Two weeks to long. Sure, Sarai missed her daddy but Ness was pining for Jacob almost as much as souls in hell yearned for holy water. The ache was overpowering. It was as if he left for Oregon State all over again. Before bed, Ness would cling to one of the many photo albums she assembled. She'd flip through the pages yearning, weeping. Crying herself to sleep, became a nightly affair because she remembered, vividly, what it was like to be in his arms.
Jake's forehead raised, forming lines that illustrated his listlessness. Dejectedly, he countered, "I miss her too."
Once more Mama vulture took a gander at her stranger baby. Her dark brunette hair was nearly black, the ends curled, and there was enough it to be clipped back behind her ear.
Sarah Kai was adorable in Renesmee's eyes. Frankly, the six month old captivated all she met. Her preciously chubby face, button nose and one tooth grin melted hearts. That tooth cutting through was the reason she's been finicky. Then there were the long lashes that accentuated her almond shaped eyes. Dear God her eyes were the same bright caramel color Jacob's were. They only made Ness long for Jacob more.
Ness glided into her designated spot on the floor, the coffee table acting as her desk. She looked over a difficult problem she had been working on. The background noise was Sarai's babbling and squealing. Every tiny sound caught the college student's complete attention.
Now-a-days, Kai's sight had microscopic detection. Ness had to constantly sweep and vacuum the floors, otherwise she's snatch up whatever object was in sight and placed it in her mouth.
Therefore, the baby was under her mother's vulture eyes.
Ness was mindlessly staring at her daughter. Half way to one, she continued to grow and learn every day. Though, she was delayed in her development, the pediatrician made it clear that Sarai's development may be slower since she was a premature baby.
There had been no words exchanged for a good thirty seconds. Jake was waiting on a reply but apparently, there wasn't much she had to say. "Is she talking yet?"
Ness lowered her head, the words dripped from her mouth like a leaky faucet, "No. She's, still babbling."
You should be here anyways, she'd talk for you. The thought turned her bitter. Sarah Kai continued to fuss for Renesmee but when Jacob handled her, she was the perfect little angel. Not a single tear was shed in his presence. Alright, maybe Ness's assumptions were just that, assumptions. However, she could not help but feeling as though their daughter favored him. Hell, he was her favorite person. Why wouldn't their daughter love Jacob more than her?
"I thought you were gonna get weekends off?" Ness inquired.
Sarah Kai screeched and flailed her plump limbs about, as she vigorously fought for her momma's attention. Ness stuck her tongue out then hid behind her math book. The baby stalled, went wide eyed and cocked her head, astonished that her momma disappeared. When momma reappeared she giggled and shouted.
Coming to her feet, Ness walked over to her baby knowing that her loud noises meant she wanted momma's attention. Sarai's chubby little arms reached out, begging to be picked up. Ness positioned the phone between her ear and shoulder and lifted her baby from the sitting aid and onto her hip.
"I know, I can't though," he reluctantly opposed, "There's a big part sale for Fourth of July weekend & I'm working on a Beemer."
Ness angled her head nodding at Sarai as if she too, understood. A foreign car meant more commission but, she missed him. "Jake, I didn't see you last weekend."
"I'm sorry Ness, but I know the rent is due and I can make at least four hundred extra dollars."
Glidding onto the couch, Ness settled Sarai on her lap. Knowing he wasn't coming home this weekend, for their daughter's first Fourth of July crushed Ness.
There was silence, but the dead air could not conceal the muffled sniffle.
"Are you okay?" he wondered.
Dropping her head, Ness fought tears and bit her quivering bottom lip. "I can pay the rent just come home. I miss you."
"I miss you to baby, but I'll see you soon. I'll try to come by Sunday."
"Promise?"
"Promise. Do something that'll cheer you up."
Kai began squirming, as Ness said, "You coming home would cheer me up."
"I really am sorry."
"I know."
To settle Kai, and herself, she placed Jacob on speaker. She hoped Kai would react happily.
"Hey you're on speaker. Since you're not coming home, say hi to your daughter. Maybe she'll say something back."
He ignored the venom in the way she recited her sentence, and complied, "Kai-kai you there?"
Sarai tipped her head at the anomaly. The little one noticed the voice and, once she recognized the gruff emanating from the speaker, grabbed for the phone.
Ness spoke in a nasally tone. "Who's that?"
"Kai Kai it's me, daddy."
Ness excitedly opened her eyes wide, smiling wide, showing her teeth. "It's daddy! Can you say, daddy?"
"I love you Kai-Kai."
"I love you too daddy," Ness spoke for her daughter then urged, " Say something baybees."
A diesel truck passed by, deafening any noise that came from his cell. He watched out of his car window until the diesel couldn't be heard. "I can't hear her. What'd she say?"
"She isn't really saying much, just babbling. She's staring at the phone like it's an alien. She's probably wondering why she hears daddy's voice, but can't see him."
It was apparent, his truancy aggravated her, but he didn't have time to chat. He had to get back on the road. "Hey Nessie?"
Jacob took her grunt as a counter and carried on. "I gotta go, but I'll be home before you know it. Give Kai a kiss for me."
"Kay." She heeded his request and compressed her lips to her daughter's on her cheek. "Can you say, bye bye? Bye bye."
The young man placed his keys in the ignition and started the Rabbit's engine. He did not want to end the conversation, but he was losing time by sitting at the gas station on the phone. He said, "Bye Sarai."
A silver medallion was in the baby's stubby fingers. She gave it her best to put her mother's necklace in her toothless mouth. However, Ness wouldn't allow her to eat the jewelry, it was a gift from Jacob. She tugged the necklace from her daughter's hand and reprimanded her. "No, no. That's mommy's necklace."
The way she dealt with Sarai now was a far cry from a few months ago. There hadn't been an outburst nor had she so much as raised her voice at her stranger baby since the one time she lost her temper. She was soft spoken now, and always aware of the tone she used with Sarai.
A weak smile spread across Ness's mouth when she told Jacob how disappointed he wouldn't be home for Independence day and expressed how much she and Sarai missed him.
"I miss you both too. Do something to make yourself feel better, Okay? I'll be home soon."
"Yeah," Ness replied, " Have a good day at work."
"Thanks. Love you."
For some time now, she hadn't hesitated to respond to those words. "I love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
Driving West of Seattle, Jake mourned the phone call, but he would see his girls soon enough.
Ness set her cell on the coffee table. Lying on her back, she snuggled with her daughter, kissing her cheeks and cooing at her. Kai was on her tummy, bearing her weight on her arms and slamming her palm against Ness's face. As innocent revenge, the mother hugged her daughter tightly and blew raspberry kisses on her neck. The petite lips on Sarai stretched into a toothless smile and her button nose crinkled. The darling baby's body went rigid as she laughed.
Sarai's mouth transformed from a heart melting smile into a yawn. Ness laid her baby's ear across her chest. As she stroked the baby's back with her palm, she thought of Jacob.
"Maybe we should go surprise daddy?" she whispered, "Yep, I think we should, but you need a nap first, and I need a shower."
xXx
A few hours later, Jacob entered a quiet house. The stuffed wolf clasped in his hand. As usual, he walked into the outdated kitchen, setting his wallet, cell and set of keys in his designated drawer. Over the months, since Sarai was born, his belonging piled up on the counter. It began to bother Ness so incessantly that she cleared out a drawer of his very own. Random things, such as his mail, a spare cell phone charger, and other odds and ends had accumulated, along with some important documents. Jacob didn't know what possessed him, but he began moving things from his father's into Renesmee's place. Permission nor approval was needed from her. He figured, the day she gave him a spare key to the duplex, was the day he was welcomed anytime. She never spoke a word about it, hence he presumed she was content by his being there.
Jacob couldn't recall the last time he knocked on the door waiting for Ness to unlock the deadbolt. Most likely it was while she was pregnant, which felt like ages ago. Now, things between them were routine and comfortable in ways, but she loved to surprise him. If the timing was right, she'd have dinner prepared for him or have some activity planned that they, as a family, could enjoy. Little things like taking Sarai on a hike or visiting Billy. It was satisfying to feel as a family, he loved feeling wanted by her, in most every way. At times, she became frisky, performing lascivious deeds for him and visa versa. But, it has never gone beyond that.
The lack of an official commitment bothered Jacob. He felt like a designated fuck-buddy. Only, there was no fucking involved. For goodness sakes, he not only had his own cabinet drawer in the kitchen, but he had his own spot in Ness's nightstand, an area in the closet, and a shelf in the medicine cabinet. That bore the proof that the friendship he had with Renesmee was more than friendship.
With Sarai's gift in hand, Jacob crept through the kitchen into the dimly lit nursery. He drew back the curtains that Ness must have bought sometime in the last couple weeks. Afternoon light leaked in, illuminating the baby's angelic face. In a deep slumber, her miniature chest and belly expanded and then sunk with each breath.
He set the stuffed wolf in the corner of the crib. Leaning over the railing, he cupped the baby's head in his large hands and kissed her forehead. "Hey Kai-Kai."
As he stroked Sarai's soft hair, he realized the longer length. The pang in his chest told him, however short two weeks was, it felt like such a prolonged period of time. Eternity.
Each time he laid eyes on his daughter, he fell in love all over again. Not only with Sarai but with her mother.
From the room he heard his love's soft hail. "Jacob…"
Not wanting to wake his daughter, he muttered,"Yeah?"
Knowing she wouldn't be able to hear his reply, Jacob tip-toed towards the sound as quickly as he could. He tried to keep quiet, to not wake Sarah Kai. As he neared the room he could identify the scent of soap and feel vapor in the air. His heart dropped a little. Did she fall out of the shower? Is she okay?
As he strolled by the restroom, he mindlessly gripped the door frame and peered inside the bathroom. The mirror was fogged heavily with condensation. Steam thickly lingered in the air. Thankfully, the moisture was the only thing in that wash room.
He then heard Ness groan, "Uhhh- Jake!"
His snapped to the sound. By the tone, she sounded as if she were in pain. He
As soon as he hit the thresh hold of the bedroom, he froze. Deadpan and paralyzed Jacob surveyed the young woman.
Renesmee was sprawled across the bed, not moaning in pain, but, enjoying herself. From the looks of it she was indulging in her carnal needs. He has had girls strip down in front of him, drunkenly kiss him and attempt to get him off but, to be present as a woman was pleasuring herself, was an occurrence Jacob had never witnessed before.
Wet hair left water droplets along her collar bone and shoulders. A towel was hanging from the edge of the mattress. Her back was arched from the release she was reaching. One of her hands clenched the bed sheet and her head lolled around. With closed eyes she continued self-satisfying, and whimpered, "Jake."
By chance, Nessie's eyes flickered open. For a millisecond, their eyes connected, before she reacted.
Inside her chest, her heart was trying to punch out of her rib cage. The pulse dipped into her gut. Her legs went numb for a second. She rose up, fumbling to cover her body with the charrcoal gray sheets. She shouted, "What the fuck! Don't you knock?"
"But-" He checked out the door. It was wide open.
She shrieked bloody murder through grit teeth. "Get out!"
Waving a white flag, Jacob back stepped throwing his hands up in the air. He wasn't sure what to do, or how he felt. He stuttered, "Y-you were, were calling me. Me?"
She stood from the bed yanking the sheets with her. "No, I wasn't!"
He then caught on. "You were saying my name."
She gave him an unforgiving glare before spinning around to rifle through her dresser. While searching for a piece of clothing to cover herself up, she attempted to keep the sheet wrapped around her frame. It slipped multiple times, exposing back and the flesh of her bare bottom. He was glad she was less thin and more filled out.
He couldn't blink. The silk of her pale skin against the contrast of dark sheets, was alluring to him. "You were saying my name and you were…"
With a curious realization, his mouth fell agape. Who would have ever thought, that a woman fantasized about the father of her child? Jacob had the urge to smile but more so, the entire ordeal left him in shock.
Dropping the sheet, she tossed a shirt over her naked body. "Jacob get out!" she begged.
He lustfully ran his eyes over hear body. The old tee-that happened to be one of Jacob's workout shirt- didn't do much covering. The sleeves had been ripped off and stretched out so far that it revealed the side of her breast and her rib cage. Anything past her hip bone was hidden, besides the anatomy that seperated the females from the males.
Noticing him eyeing her, she pulled the hem lower covering herself.
Jacob bowed his head. "How long have you been doing that?"
"Oh. My. Gosh." How could he ask such a question? She stomped forward, with nothing but the oversized tee on. Her bare feet padded against the wood floors.
A pang of guilt hit Jacob when he saw the embarrassment in her eyes. Although, the embarrassment she had was wrapped up and hidden in false anger.
She uselessly pushed at his broad shoulders. She would have had more luck moving a brick wall. Frustrated, she slammed her fist against his chest, screeching, "Get out! Pleee-ase get out!"
He grabbed the wrist of the hand that hit his chest. "Answer the question!"
Instantly, she claimed her wrist back and yelled, "What! What do you want to know!"
"How long have you been…" Jacob paused, he couldn't finish his statement. He was still in shock from the entire ordeal.
Unsure as to whether or not she should answer him, she crossed her eyes revealing her closed mind. She was not going to discuss this. With a roll of her eyes, she instantly abandoned her first decision. Slightly ashamed but mostly sarcastic, she breathed,"Probably since the same age you started masturbating."
Jacob took a step closer towards her and pointed a thumb to his chest. "How long have been doing that...imagining me?"
As an alternative, the young woman didn't answer. She pointed to the hallway. "Get out!"
There was no movement, nor reply from the young man.
The irritation she had with him was increasing by the second. Not only was she humiliated, but she wasn't use to him not obeying her. "Oh my gosh Jacob, I don't want to talk about this! Get out!"
Giving in, as always, Jacob allowed her to be the authoritative with him. He stepped back, and with a loud crack, the door slammed in his face.
Nothing about their relationship made sense. Why did she deny her feelings towards him? If there were any. Or maybe, she couldn't identify her feelings properly? Perhaps what was between them was purely physical, but if so, how come they haven't made the beast with two backs? The one time they've had sex wasn't much, yet it was the most significant moments in their lives. He felt something, but she claimed to have never had sentiments aimed towards him.
He couldn't believe this. In a persons mind, they were not limited. She could have easily fantasized about some A-List actor or a rock star, but no, she imagined him satisfying her.
Jake left to check on Kai. He was almost positive Ness's shouting had awaken her. Though, he was wrong.
In the crib, she was still fast asleep. It was a wonder she didn't wake from Ness's shouting. Heavy sleeper, like me, he thought. He settled on the time passed slowly. Each tick like a pulse of a dying person. He waited uncertain how to operate the strange state Renesmee and he had just placed themselves in. Should he wait until she was ready to talk, or should he initiate the difficult conversation they must have?
Fuck it. He came to his feet, ready to settle the awkward score.
Ness's head was directed towards Jacob when he barged in the room. From the untify bed, Ness sat on punched up sheets shooting daggers at him. He saw her uncomfortableness, but he had to be straight and to the point."Ness? You're comfortable with me aren't you?"
Still bare underneath her tee, she curled up on the bed trying to hide southern regions from him. Not caring, he came closer. With each step, he could see her cringe. Her head had sunken, he shoulders lifted tensely. On the mattress, he sat as close to her as he saw suitable. He reached out to tuck her damp hair behind her ear. She recoiled, not wanting him to touch her. Taking a pillow, she shielded herself from him and backed up into the rod iron of her headboard.
He painfully glowered, pulling back his hand. Was she not comfortable with him? Double checking he asked,"Are you?"
She took the pillow in her arms, squeezing the down. Of course she was comfortable with him, except she's never known humility. She's never had anything to be humiliated about. Pressing her face into the pillow, Not wanting to see his response, she pressed her face into the pillow, while synchronously nodding.
Jake placed his hand on the back of her neck, it slipped to her lower back. It sent blazing shivers up her spine. "Ness?"
Rolling her head sideways, one eye peeked up at the young man. That was encouraging enough for Jake to continue. "We're just talking, and I kinda want to know something. How long have you been…" He paused, unsure how to phrase his question.
Ness again sheltered herself by burrowing her face deeper into the pillow. He heard her muffled words. "Don't ask me that."
"I'm curious."
She peeked at him through her eyelashes, shrugging. "I don't know? Since, since…" she let out a giant sigh, throwing her head back to the heavens. "Probably when I moved to Forks."
Noticing a dangling web on the ceiling, she added,"After I met you."
His head bobbed up and down."That long huh?" Curiousity engrossed his mind. "Did you do it in high school?"
Again, she nodded. And while I was pregnant, and now. She bit at her nails, knowing there was no way in hell that she would, ever, admit that to him.
"Was it always me, or do you imagine other guys too?"
And there was no way in hell she'd admit that to him either.
She let out an exaggerated gutteral sigh. With a roll of her eyes, she unfolded her legs and stood on her feet. She tossed the sham directly besides Jake. Bending over, she picked up her towel from the floor and wrapped it around her waist. She stormed out the room grumbling to herself.
An irked Jacob, spun his head around, catching a glimpse of her back side as she fled.
When she was out of view, he frustratedly ran his hands through his hair and collapsed on the bed. She was about as consistent as the weather. She was stormy clouds one day, and bright clear skies the next. Today was another cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms kind of day.
xXx
Practically naked, Ness left the damp towel in the bathroom and went into the hall closet for a dry towel to cover her bottom half. While wrapping the linen around her waist she wondered, What the hell just happened?
Putting her thoughts aside, Renesmee checked on Sarai, who was sleeping peacfully. She caught eye of the stuffed wolf in the corner of the rib. Obviously, it was from Jake. He's the sweetest bastard she ever knew.
Oh boy, did that man drive her crazy, in all the right ways. She paced the nursery thinking over her erratic emotions. The same behavior had gotten her pregnant. It was her bizzare emotions and suppressed hormones that got her into this mess to begin with. But it was plain and simple why she freaked, she got caught. She kicked him out of the room out of sheer embarrasment, but that had passed fairly quick. Silently, she prayed he'd come back and ravish her. He didn't. When he returnned to the bedroom, after she kicked him out, he questioned about her masturbation. Why? Why couldn't he just not speak and take advantage of her horny mood?
In time, Renesmee drifted back to the was no use in hiding out, she'd have to see him sometime and she needed to put on a pair of underwear.
From amid two heavy black out curtains, the dusk light flooded into the room. Their main purpose was to block out any light when she slept, and since moving in they've never been opened. And she's never stared out them the way Jacob was doing so. He was transfixed on something in the distance, or in his mind. His eyes smoldered, his body like a statue in a sitting pose. He was exactly where she had left him.
Not entirely sure of Jacob's mood, she hesitated to sit at his side. So, she sat on the opposite side of unmade bed, eyeing the stark pallid walls.
There was contemplation about buying a picture or a piece of wall décor to liven up the room. She only thought this to distract her from what she should being wondering about. There were many issues she wished she had the courage to discuss but she kept her mouth shut.
They sat back to back. No words were exchanged. Jacob hadn't even acknowledged her presence in the room. However, he knew. Only, he was deep in thought. He wasn't sure what to do at this point. She denies being in love with him, but she'll kiss him, hold his hand and show the kind of affection a girl would only show to a boyfriend. Didn't that mean anything?
"You don't look at me the same."
Jacob looked over his shoulder, puzzled by her statement. His eyes burrowed into her head, wanting to peek inside her brain. What was she speaking about?
"Ever since I told you about me, wanting to…" she looked pained as she spoke, "hurt Sarah Kai, because of the postpartum and now this, you look at me differently. "
Jacob's entire body twisted around to face Ness. "I don't look at you any differently."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't. You're still the same Ness I met when I was fourteen. Better even." He reached across the bed, and sandwiched her right hand with his oversized ones. She scrutinized his rough hands, noticing his touch lit a fire within her. Along with the compliment, his simple touch was a heart warming gesture. She bowed her head, concealing her stinging eyes from Jake. She held her breath to fight back the tears.
Carrying on, he spoke in all seriousness, "Have you ever considered that maybe, it's not me who looks at you in a different way, but you who sees me differently."
Calmly, she dragged her hand away from his. When her soft skin slipped from his hold, he didn't know how to react. He had his fingers crossed that she knew what he meant. He was pointing out the feelings she never knew she had.
The pillow rested on her lap, as a pet would. Downward, her eyes were cast, gaping at her palm . Turned down at it's corners, her mouth pouted. She was deep in thought, pondering Jacob's last statement. Did she see him any differently? No, she's he was still her Jacob, and he hasn't changed one bit, she has. Since Kai, she felt their bond was stronger, their relationship felt secure. Unlike in high school, she could stake a claim on him.
Ness reached back and rubbed her neck nervously. "Jake?"
"Hm?"
Hugging herself, she arrived at the conclusion that she would answer what he had questioned earlier. Was it always me, or do you imagine other guys too?
"I imagine you," she admitted. This was something Jacob did not expect. When it came to her sexual fantasies, he was the only guy she's ever fantasized about. She didnt have the precise reason why, she only knew that he was her number one. He always had been, and most likely, always would be.
Jake's eyes flashed to her face, his brows furrowed . "What?"
She shuffled to his side, the mattress bounced with her movements. Wrapping her slender arms around his waist, she took cover beneath his arms and affirmed, " I've always imagined you."
He bundled her up closer. The narrowed distance between them was perfect. He tested the water, by placing his hand on her cheek. To her, his touch feltwarm and inviting. He tilted her head up, guiding her vision to his. They exchanged tired smiles. She covered his hand with her own. Her grasp smothered his pinky and ring finger.
Lightly, a soft as a summer breese, she pressed her lips to his hand. "Only you."
Touch rebound from Jacob. Ness figured no contact, would diminish her desirous mood. Both fixedly ogled one another, unsure of what's to come.
The wariness could be seen in Jake's straight and tense back. She stiffened up and took a quick glance at his lips. Each of their heart rates rose, adrenaline pumped throughout their provoked bodies. Their body was given of natural sexual codes that neither were aware of.
Someone had to give. To make a move. After another second, Ness decided she'd be the instigator.
Renesmee took ahold of his neck forcing his lips onto hers. He wouldn't deny her. He lied her down. Their tongues danced. Minutes later, she pushed his face away, and rolled her head on it's side in order for her lungs to find breath. Oh how she always lost breath around this man.
The towel around her waist was lost in their intense necking. Ness gathered his shirt in her hands, and stetched the fabric up over his head. He nibbed at her neck, a hand ran down her sides, beneath her shirt and cinched her thin waist. His fingers checked her wetness, establishing the mood she was in. It was only natural for hi to begin pleasuring her.
Every nerves in her body was aroused, her skin tingled with every touch. She didn't just want to be toyed with and touched. She could feel him between her legs. He was firm and ready. Now, so was she. Making love with him was suddenly what she wanted. She blurted, "Go grab a condom."
"Huh?"
"Go grab a condom."
He assumed it was just another episode of giving head. Apparently, he was wrong. "You sure?"
She thought about it, and for a strange reason she was scared. She breathlessly responded, "Yes, they're in the cabinet above the sink."
"If you're not sure, we shouldn't do anything."
"I'm," she paused , "I'm sure, I've been sure about it for a long time." Since before Kai was born.
He laid one hard lust driven kiss on her lips before jumping up from the bed and hobbling to the bathroom.
She bellowed, "Hurry."
The box of condoms were in the cabinet above the sink, just as she said. It had been months since he's seen this exact box. He remembered pulling them from a grocery bag and wondering why the heck she bought them? She's the one who forbad sex with anyone, and when she wouldn't tell him who she planned to use the condoms with, his temper got the best of him. So distraught he tossed the box against the fridge. Thankfully, the dented box had yet to be opened. She told him, if the mood struck, they'd only have sex with one another. That was perfectly fine with him.
He tore open the box, pulled out a condom and ran back to the room. He was greeted with Renesmee hidden under the sheets. Soon enough, he coaxed her from the covers by removing his pants.
The taste of the tip of his tongue was indescribable. All she knew was she loved how it touched back of her tongue. His breath slowly escalated, turning warmer and hotter. The heat of his breath skimmed her neck. His body, was her sail in the waves of sheets. He hovered and trembled above her. She could feel him tremble. She thought it was cute, and she told herself he was just as nervous as she was. Their lips were sealed to the other, occasionally they'd gasp for air only to turn back to kissing passionately. It had never been so fervid before. Ness had never kissed him this way, not even in the wild throws of their first time.
Somehow, the couple considered this, the first time they made love.
They kissed one another obsessively. Jake pressed into her, again and again. Each penetration forced Nessie to whine intensely. In between heavy breathing, she whimpered his name and he responded by echoing her name. He'd pant and try to catch his breath while nuzzling his face into Ness's hair. It was slightly damp but for the most part, it had been air dried. He could smell the mint shampoo she used. It was new and fresh. He cherished how there was always something different about her, something new to be discovered.
His broad hands found their way to her head. Jake's fingers raked through her brunette locks as he pecked her lips. Only she'd deepen them. She would run her tongue along his bottom lip and when he reciprocated, she'd pull back. She would tease him and suck on his bottom lip. It drove him crazy. And his only reaction was to thrust harder. It forced her to bite his shoulder, it caused her to moan louder.
At one point, Jacob pulled her up. They stayed connected as he knelt. His knees sank into the mattress from their collected weight and her legs stayed tightly locked around his waist. Stunned, her body trembled from the sensation. For a moment, they stayed still. Their eyes locked. Their foreheads pressed together. Their breathing was heavy. Their chests expanded. His fingers crawled up the valley of her back, causing the woman to involuntarily shiver.
Ness felt a flutter in her stomach, and she registered that, he held her like a man should hold a women during sex -with pure adoration and tenderness. It was nice and the gaze they had on one another, was otherworldly. She never knew she could be this completely connected to one person. In every way possible, these two were connected. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. She could feel it in her bones, and he could feel it in his. As his caramel eyes continued to stare into heart and her soul she knew she felt it. The fluttering was boiling over in the pit of her stomach and she didn't want to face it.
So instead of moaning how in love with him she genuinely was, she growled, "Fuck me Jake."
He brought one arm around her waist and laid her back down. He left a moist trail of fire down to her chest, where he took a nipple into his mouth. His hands run down her sides, around her hips, up her thighs and time and again he'd squeeze her ass.
Sometime in the midst off all this, Renesmee began crying. She didn't know when the tears began to fall, but it was clear why. Still, she did not want to face the inevitable truth but the disease was on her mind and burying itself in her heart. She was in love with Jacob Black.
Jake took notice to the tears on her cheeks, and slowed his pace. "Should I stop?
She cried almost deliriously. "Nuh-oh! No."
This happened a couple of times, and each time he slowed his pace, but she begged for him to continue.
Jake wasn't sure, how much longer he could hold out, he was close. With the last crucial plunge, he felt himself pulsate in intense pleasure. Worried, Ness hadn't reached her climax, Jake speedily brought his fingers to her clit. If he was done, he was going to continue to pleasure her until she had reached her relief.
At that second, her body convulsed harder than Jacob's ever seen. She shook and her thighs trembled in pleasure. Jake rubbed her bundle of nerves and continued to penetrate her until she quit convulsing. Muscles went taut, and every nerve in the young parent's bodies were quivering in ecstasy.
Both lay on the bed searching for a steady breath. Jacob was taking in what had happened in the last half hour. All the events that lead to this didn't lose that surprising factor. He just had sex with Renesmee Cullen.
Both were flat on their back, gazing up at the ceiling gasping for air. She was still crying, and Jacob felt guilty. He rolled on his side, cradling his head in his hand. He brushed a tear from her cheek, asking, "Did I hurt you?"
She nodded, another tear rolled down her rosy cheek.
"I'm sorry about that."
The side of her lip curled up in a closed mout smile. "Don't be."
"But I hurt you," he said combing his fingers through her waving hair.
She turned onto her side to face him. "In a good way. In a very good way."
"Do you love me?"
The reply, a simple nod of the head.
He leant down, kissing her. "Say it."
"I love you."
"I love you too." There was something he had to clarify, it caused him to wonder, "You love me, as a boyfriend?"
"Uhm…" she stumbled. Her fogged mind couldn't speak, but the one thought she had in her head was yes. Though boyfriend, was such a scanty definition of Jacob Black. He was more. He was everything. He was her soul mate, and that startled the shit out of her.
Pulling herself up, she sat with her back arching and shoulder's hunched forward.
Jacob eyed the milky rungs of her spine, waiting for an answer. He rubbed her side.
These feelings bubbling inside her were odd, yet she was accustomed to these emotions with Jacob. Only, they were fiercer than they've ever been. Sharper. With every milestone they had in their relationship – hugs, holding hands, napping on the same bed, falling asleep in one another's arms, kissing, sex, Sarah Kai, foreplay- she sensed that what they had was a million times more than platonic. Although, her still naïve mind, was not sure as to whether her feelings were of a strong bond between friends, or the sentiments of love.
It was silent, and Jake was on edge. He anticipated an answer from the women he just made love to. Did Renesmee love him as a boyfriend, or was this all a game to her?
Renesmee shivered. It was not cold in the room, but her opinion of her friendship was put into question, along with her curious feelings. It was the feeling that made you forget things, and not just big complicated things but the simplest facts, because this person was continually on your mind. Why? Who the hell knows? But their stupid gorgeous face won't leave your head, and that lovely voice reverberated there even though you hadn't heard them speak for hours. Every good and bad memory revealed itself and despite bitter feelings you would never take any of the bad back. For those horrible memories only made the relationship strengthen. It taught couples how to communicate, it taught them how to be understanding and forgiving.
Jacob and Renesmee had that, but there were many more feelings she felt with him.
Feeling that made you want to be better for them, because you knew you would never be good enough. No matter how hard you put in the effort, it's not enough, because they deserve more. But, you'd spend your entire life trying to be the best for them, because you love them. She didn't do that for anyone but Jacob.
Click.
A snap from the mechanics in her brain, made Renesmee see why she had been so stubborn since the discovery of her pregnancy. It was not as she told herself. She didn't try to be independent for her father, because she could give a fuck about proving herself to anyone. She did it for Jacob. The second he said she wasn't ready to be a mother, she pushed herself to show him she was worthy of mothering his child. She was going to school, of course to support Kai, but to show Jacob she was more than just some girl he impregnated in high school. She was working her way up the latter of success, she had the job, the house, the child and now she had him. If that is what she choose.
All these raging emotions were ever present, and she loved him. It caused her skin shiver but her body to swelter. The heat pooled in her cheeks, in her chest and in the pit of her stomach.
She truly loved him, with every ounce of her being she loved him. But to admit she was in love may set her on the fast track of destroying the friendship they've developed over the past five years.
If she admitted she loved him, like she had done in previous relationships, it may very well be the end. It could end as it had in the past, and she did not want that. She wanted Jacob forever, and she preferred him be a friend, not foe.
As she wiped a tear away, Jake spoke. "Seriously? You don't see me as more than a friend?"
She tightly pressed her eyelids together and held her breath. It was only seconds until she felt composed.
Over her shoulder, she turned her vision to him. "You're more than my best friend. You're the father of my child," she paused then forced herself into his arms, "You're the most important person in my life."
Their arms swathed on another, their torsos met one another with their bare flesh pressed together. Ness recited, "I love you. I do, I really do. I love you."
As vague as her answer was, it felt genuine. She loved him. Their legs intertwined, and heads pressed together. Ness slid her fingertips softly up the skin of his fingers and laced their fingers together. Passion ran through his veins like poison. Chills caressed his body. He grabbed her face and kiss her as if it was the last kiss ever. "I love you so much."
"I love you," she repeated.
"Have you thought about moving to Seattle?"
Ness sighed. She didn't want to spoil the moment by speaking about their complicated lives. "Let's not talk. Just hold me."
"Sure, sure."
The held one another for what seemed like hours. Ness was on the brink of sleep, but the beautiful silence was broken when Jake asked, "You tired?"
She kept her eyes closed and breathlessly replied, "Exhausted. I was trying to take a nap before you interrupted."
He chuckled then kissed her forehead. "It didn't look like you were trying to nap."
"You told me to," she replied, slapping his chest, "You said do something that made me feel good."
"I did, didn't I?"
"I thought it'd help me fall asleep."
"Yeah right, you just can't help yourself when you think of me."
"I guess not."
After a yawn, and a cat-like stretch Ness moaned, "Ugh…I gotta get Kai up, otherwise she'll be up all night. I hate waking her."
As she went to sit up, he urged her to stay in bed. "I'll go get her, you try to take that nap."
She didn't fight him.
xXx
When she awoke, Jacob could be heard from the opposite side of the sardine can sized house. From the sound of it, he was having a difficult time getting Sarai to eat. She didn't know why it was so difficult for him to feed her. He knew the secret. Only keep the food she was eating in eye sight. If Ness ate any food infront of her, Sarai became curious and wanted a taste of what momma was eating.
She threw a tee and sweats on then meandered her way to the kitchen.
Jake was standing up, his back to her, urging Sarai to eat her carrots, but she was eyeing the pizza box on the countertop.
He tried reasoning with his daughter. "Look, you eat some carrots, I'll give you some pizza. That's the deal."
Ness laughed, he was speaking to Sarai as if she were an adult. She walked over to the pizza box and peeked inside. There were three slices missing. She spun around and leaned against the countertop's edge. "She's not gonna eat it. You were eating pizza in front of her."
Jacob look to Renesmee and took a firm tone with her. "We can't tip toe around her, she needs to understand we have rules."
Pulling herself onto the countertop, Ness's feet dangled high above the linoleum floors. She picked the pepperoni's of the pizza and ate them while, watching Jacob pop the steamed carrots in his mouth. Sarai then copied him and ate all her veggies. When she finished Jacob pulled the cheese from the pizza and gave her the bread to gnaw on. When she was perfectly content, he leaned against the countertop at Ness's side.
"We need to get a table."
She agreed, they couldn't keep eating standing up in the kitchen or at the coffee table. Taking a slice from the box, she uttered, "I can't believe you're feeding me pizza. As if I'm not fat enough."
He slapped her thigh before taking a slice for himself. "You look good with a little meat on your bones."
It went quiet as they ate. Each of them extensively eyed Sarah Kai eating. She was usually always cheery but when her parents were together, in the same room, Ness could tell she was profoundly happier. She had figure out their living arragements soon, beacuse she wasn't going to let Sarai grow up going from house to house.
Nessie's drooping and glossy eyes spoke to Jacob. Was she still feeling anxious?
"How do you feel?" he wondered, grabbing for another slice.
There was no way she could have known what he was speaking about. Was he questioning how full she was following dinner? Or was he referring to their sexual escapades? Maybe he was making an effort to discuss her schooling? Her work?
Still unsure, she chewed her food and asked, "About what?"
"You know… Your postpartum."
"Better. When I have my moments, I step away. I'll call you, or Rachel or Claire. And if I can't look at those photo albums, but I think the vitamins and medication really help," she added, "Seeing you helps too."
He swallowed his food and kissed her.
The family spent the evening in the nursery playing with Sarah Kai. Together Jacob and Renesmee gave her a bath and prepared her for sleep. As always, Jacob read from a book for her. He's done it since the day she was born except this time was different. Ness didn't watch from the sidelines or leave him to finish the nightly routine. She dressed Sarai up in her pajama's. The little one was already nodding off to sleep, but that didn't stop Ness from sitting on Jacob's lap, their daughter cradled in her arms.
When she was soundly asleep, they placed her in the crib and kissed her goodnight.
"Are you going to come to my grandpa's for Fourth of July?"
"I can, but we need to stop by Paul's cuz my sister is down."
"Becca? I haven't seen her since she ran away."
"No one has but I get to meet my nephew. Embry and Helen are coming too."
Ness cocked her head. "Real-ly?"
Jake lips curved up. He was pleased that his father had finally found a companion. "My dad invited her."
"Good for him."Billy Black asked a women out. Albeit, it was only a family function but, from what Ness knew about Billy, he wasn't a show stopper. He would be genuine and romantic, just like his son.
The following day was a blur. They headed over to Rachel and Paul's place. Sarai got to spend time with her grandfather, her aunts, uncles and cousins. Jacob met his second nephew, and Ness got reaquainted with Jake's sister Rebecca, whom caught the young parents doing the nasty in Jacob's car.
After lunch, they packed up and headed over to Grandpa Charlie's for the evening. The entire family had come, which was unusual to have the entire family together. Ness met two new cousins, a seven year old boy and four year old girl, that Rosalie and Emmett had adopted. They were awaiting news about a third child they planned on adopting. Jake and then men headed off to do some shooting, while the women finished grilling.
At around seven thirty, Jacob and Ness left for Port Angeles to see the fireworks.
They spread out a blanket on the lawn on a local park. Luckily, Sarai was wide awake and on all fours. They encourage her to crawl, but she couldn't quite get the hang of it. At nine o'clock there was an announcement that the firworks would be beginning. Jacob placed the little girl on his lap and pulled out a pair of oversized sound cancelling headphones from the diaper bag. He placed the oversized earmuffs over Sarai's ears.
Pictures were taken all day long, by Ness. So of course, she pulled out a camera and began snapping pictures of her two favorite people in her life. She even asked a bystandar to take a picture of her family as a whole. She figured it be great for Sarah Kai to have memorabilia from her childhood.
"Where'd you get those?" Ness questioned about the headphones.
"I asked your grandpa if I could borrow them."
Sarai didn't take a liking to the fireworks, and they decided to leave before the fireworks were even finished.
On the drive home, Ness took his hand in hers. She coudln't resist herself all day. Since her discovery, of being in love with him, she had to touch him. Ness tried to satisfy Jacob on the way home, but he wasn't comfortable with doing anything when Sarai was in the back seat. This was quite humorous to Ness. She's never known a guy to turn down a hand-job.
"You're seriously the best guy in the world."
Jake squeezed her hand. "Why's that?"
"I have a hundred reasons, but the first one that comes to mind is… you're an amazing father."
"Ya think?"
She shook her head, left to right. "I know."
"You're a good mom. Seriously, no expected you to take to being a mother so naturally."
The girl rolled her eyes at that. She hated herself for not living up to the title of good mom. Her hand slipped from his. "Those pills I take aren't necessarily natural."
He reached for her hand, his eyes darting between the road and Ness. "You're a good mom."
He could see her shaking her head. He repeated firmly, "You're a good mother Renesmee."
Not convinced, she replied,"Really?"
He smiled. "Really."
She could tell that he meant what he said. And as always his opinion of her meant the world. "Thank you."
"You've grown up a lot Ness."
Ness looked over her shoulder, at the backseat. Sarah Kai, was sleeping peacefully in her carseat. "I had to."
Recklessly, she unbuckled her seatbelt and leant over to kiss Jacob. "I love you."
He had to pull the car over to give her a dignified response. He cupped her face, and kissed her lightly. His tongue penetrated her mouth, making her want to reveal the explicit passion she had for him.
For the second time, he put an end to her advances. "I love you, but can we finish this at home? I wanna get Sarai home. Then we can finish this."
A huge grin broke out on Renesmee's face. "Alright."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The quote is from one of my favorite songs. It's called Heartbeats by The Knife. It's a song about a confused night of sex. Whether that be between best friends or complete strangers I don't know, but they fall in love. The opening lyrics are: "One night to be confused, One night to speed up truth..." I thought those specific lyrics applied to Renesmee, perfectly. Anyways, I strongly urge you to google the lyrics and listen to it on youtube. It's a song that oozes sex. Both live and studio versions are amazing.
Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. It was written one way, then as I went to post it, I had to rearrange it. I dont know what happened to my writing, and I do apologize for it. I guess you can have off days when you write? Lately, more like the last few months, my writing has been shit. Oh well...HERE IT IS. I both LOVE and HATE this chapter. AS always.
SPECIAL THANKS TO: sharcbait, periwinkle rose, RaeTakesTheWorld, dead beautiful, ajzmom, muah, SAMI. JANE321, amicoco, Sarah Chartier, Breanna Lynn, Vianna1321, cocopucks, oltlfan23, nfanpepsi, Adwwa, msr709, JUSTaDAMNbook, nessiehugs, Mcsteamy is Mcmine, veronicamars101, EZeeBaby, WerewolfGirl316, dkgors, luv2beloved, gmb7064, Dreamcatcher94, mojojojo152, TwilightSy, Mrs. Jacob Black14, Jazboo, AWolfPackOfOne, polly2010, OrangieMonster, nj11, Kristen, jumpupanddown, SLM84, Tashay789, lena0123, Kari, NOelly, DubsDoll, kingdom89 and Dazzler916. If I left you out, let me know.
REPLY TO ANONS: (muah)My apologies, but I have been away from the computer. Yes, the chapter was done, but me, being me, I began to rearrange the entire plot of this chapter. It turned out better than I had originally planned. That, plus I've been busy with work, and apparently I've been doing well since I got a raise. ;) Let me know it was you who sent this message and I'll give you an extra-long preview to chapter 36. Again I am sorry. I must agree, four weeks since my last update is just ridiculous. MUCH LOVE! (anonymous again 2)Exactly, Rose said precisely what the audience was irritated with. As for Nahuel, I debated whether or not to create a new character, but obviously I chose not to. Eventually Jacob will get his revenge on Nahuel. He's never forgiven him for taking Ness away from him and hurting her. As you found out, Ness is less worried about others opinions of her. It was mentioned continuously because she's truly believed this. Like I've told many people, it's amazing how much power your own mind has. Anyways you called that out, and noticed it was fake. It was. (Breanna Lynn) Yes, it was awful how Ness treated her own child, but that's the effect of postpartum depression. (Macy)Jacob and Kai scene…CHECK. Well, this wasn't that great of a daddy/daughter scene but the story isn't over. Stay tuned, there will be a gushing scene eventually. (jumpupanddown) Thanks for the reviewing, and I am so glad you're enjoying. (Kristin) Thanks for the baby review and showing support! (Kari) NESS HAD HER REVELATION! YES! YES! YES! You took the words out of my mouth. Realistic is my goal and a girl like Rensmee would –in real life- have a difficult time making the evolution from spoiled teen to as you said a single independent mother. Thanks a million for the review and support.
Remember if you come off anon, create on account I can send ya'll a preview to the next chapter.